Original subtitles

[theme music]

Well, here it is, Mrs. Samuels' Christmas gift.

I'll stash it here, that woman finds everything.

- What'd you get her? - A dust buster.

Oh, boy, am I jealous.

And it's no ordinary dust buster.

This will suck a tennis ball through a garden hose.

[chuckles] Well, you know, it's thoughtful gifts like that

that keep a marriage fresh and romantic.

Yes.

And I bought a little something for you.

Oh! Don't tell me.

- A box of chalk? - No. Close.

- It's a fruit cake. - Oh, thank you so much.

Merry Christmas.

- Hi, Bernadette. - Hi, Billy--

I just came in to talk about the incredibly romantic

Christmas time I've planned for us.

Billy, you know, I-I'm gonna go visit

my family in North Carolina.

Oh, did I say Christmas? I meant New Year's.

No, I-I'm gonna stay there through the New Year.

Oh, everything I say comes out wrong.

I actually meant Groundhog Day.

Well, have your family get anything

planned for Groundhog Day?

Well.. Well, yes. We do.

Um, we exchange gifts.

Here's yours. Happy Groundhog Day.

Oh, thank you.

Oh. A piece of the Berlin Wall. Just what I always wanted.

[instrumental music ]

[bell rings]

Ah, thank you, Alex.

Good morning, geniuses!

(all) Good morning, Billy.

Oh, Billy, are you planning

to go back to Scotland for the holidays?

Ah, Christmas in Scotland.

I can see it now.

The crunch, crunch, crunch

of heavy boots on newly fallen snow.

As the men march

over mountain, hill, valley, Glendale River

moorland, swamp and bog

heading for the nearest bank

where they withdraw all their money

count it and deposit it all again.

[laughs] No, I won't be going home. I can't afford the fare.

(all) Aww.

So, tell me what your plans are.

Oh, well, my family always goes to Rockefeller Center

to look at the Christmas tree and go ice skating.

Well, the Glee Club is going caroling

at the Times Square subway station.

- Hmm. - It's gonna be great.

Wait, isn't that dangerous?

Only if they sing.

[all laugh]

So, Viki, what is your plans?

I'm gonna try to find my mother.

- Really? - 'What're you talkin' about?'

Well, I've never met her before.

How could you've not met your own mother?

- I'm adopted. - Oh.

[instrumental music]

So, Viki, you're adopted. That's incredible.

So, how're you gonna go about finding her?

And what does your adopted mother think about it?

And what does your other mother think of all this?

And why does everything I say come out like a question?

[laughing]

Billy, I don't know the answer to any of those questions.

All that I know is that I'm very scared

but I'm finally gonna do it.

And what exactly are you gonna do?

Well, I've been meeting with this support group

that helps you get past all the red tape.

I just hope that they find her soon.

Every Christmas, I think about her.

I wonder where she is and what she could be doing.

This year, I finally got the nerve to try to find out.

- I wonder what she's like. - Oh, I know. Me, too.

Sometimes, I'll be at the health food store

or in line at a movie, and I'll see someone

and our eyes will connect for just a moment

and I'll think, "She could be my mother."

Well, we're here to help you, babe.

Let's see, we're looking for a tall blond

great legs, killer body, killer smile

little spacey, but hot.

[Viki giggles]

Mom!

Uh, Billy, could I see you for a moment?

Sure.

Billy, I feel just terrible

about letting you spend Christmas alone.

Bernadette, for the last time, I'll be fine.

Well, if it makes you feel any better

I think all of us have had bad Christmases before.

- Oh, you have? - Yeah.

- Well, tell me about it. - Okay.

Um, I was about seven years old

and, uh, I really wanted the Suzy-Q easy-bake oven.

- Yeah? - I didn't get it.

That's it? That's a bad Christmas?

God.

I mean, I remember a bad Christmas.

My father had turned up with a black tie

and told us Santa Claus was dead.

No, no, that-that wasn't such a bad Christmas.

That was actually quite a good one.

A bad Christmas was when he turned up

with an empty cardboard box

and told us it was a box of soldiers

who'd turned out to be deserters.

Mind you, it wasn't the worst.

The worst one was awful, I remember.

The thing I remember most I think

was the sleet comin' horizontally.

I remember my socks were wet and I was really cold.

I'd asked Santa for some underwear of my own..

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

Hey, you guys, I've got great news.

They found my mom.

- Hey, that's great! - Great! Where is she?

Well, she lives right here on the Upper West Side.

Her name is Rose Gibson.

[all gasp]

So, when are you gonna go see her?

- Soon. - Soon? Why not now?

Well, I'd been talking to other adopted kids

who have gone through this sort of thing.

And they say it's always best to have an intermediary

go and meet them first.

I mean, so you don't freak them out or anything.

- 'Yeah.' - 'Yeah.'

I don't suppose you have an intermediary in mind

or anything like that?

Well, actually, Billy, I do.

What do you say? Will you do it?

I would be delighted to do it.

I think this is going to be a really important event

in your life and I'm really flattered to be a part of it.

I do, however, have one condition.

Anything.

Take this bloody fruit cake off my hands, will ya?

[instrumental music]

- Oh, are you ready, Billy? - Oh, yeah.

Are you sure your parents think this is okay now?

Oh, yeah. My mom's behind me 100 percent.

- Great. - So, what are you gonna say?

Oh, I've got my speech all prepared.

"You know, Mrs. Gibson..

"...life is a bit like a boomerang sometimes

"things have a habit of bouncing back.

A bit like your daughter really."

[laughs]

You're not gonna say that, are you?

- No, I'm only joking. Relax. - Oh, well, don't joke.

I mean, what if she doesn't have a sense of humor?

She will have a sense of humor.

After all, you've got..

Okay.

- No jokes. - Oh.

- I'm off. - You're gonna do a great job.

- Right. - Don't blow it, Billy.

As if I would.

Mom?

Uh, what are you doing here?

Oh, I-I just dropped by to bring you a dress.

Mom, this isn't gonna work.

Look...honey, I think it's fine

that you want to go and meet with your birth mother.

Really, I do.

I just don't want you to be dressed

like you were raised by Cher.

Mom, this is Mr. MacGregor.

Did Viki tell you that

she was going to look for her natural mother?

- Oh.. - Oh, m-mom, I'm not going.

Really? Oh, great.

- You've come to your senses. - No, that's not what I mean.

I'm sending someone to meet with her first.

Someone else?

[scoffs] I'm not good enough?

Well, th-this is a very, very delicate situation, Mrs. Amory.

It's much better to have someone who isn't emotionally involved--

Excuse me, what do you have to do with all of this?

Mom, I've asked Mr. MacGregor to go for me.

You mean, a stranger is a better person to do this than me?

Mom, I love you very much

but this is between me and my birth mother.

Hm, and Angus McBagpipe over here.

This is between everybody but me.

[sighs] I'm really sorry, mom.

This is something that I have to do without you.

Without me? You're my daughter.

But it's my life.

[instrumental music]

[knocking]

- Hello, Mrs. Gibson. - Oh..

Look, please hear me out. My name is MacGregor.

I teach at Fillmore High School.

Well, one of my students, Viki, has asked me

to come along here and, uh, talk to you.

Now, listen, this may come as something of a shock to you.

But, eh, she believes that she is your daughter.

And she would like to meet you

and she sent me along here to try and arrange this.

She would really love to meet you

and you'd be immensely proud of her.

She's very beautiful, bright as a button and..

...possibly the most original figure I've ever known.

She once tried to convince me that America

wouldn't have been in Vietnam

if LBG only had more fiber in his diet.

But I.. I-I digressed.

Look, she-she's kinda desperate

to meet the woman who gave birth to her.

So, what do you say?

Can I tell her you'll-you'll meet her?

Please tell her that I'm really happy

to know everything turned out well for her

and that I'm doing fine, too.

Well, thank you for coming by.

Oh, Mrs. Gibson, I-I don't think I did that very well.

Uh...look, she-she would love to meet you again.

C-can I tell her that y-you'll see her?

Um, M-Mr. MacGregor

let me make this as clear as possible.

I don't want to see her.

Now, please leave me alone.

Merry Christmas.

[instrumental music]

So, Billy, when do I get to meet her?

Well, actually, Viki..

...you can't.

She doesn't wanna meet you.

What? Why? How can that be?

I don't know, she seems to have a life of her own now

and she doesn't want it disturbed.

But I'm her child!

How could she turn her back on me like that?

I guess she has her own reasons.

At any rate, that's the way she seems to want it.

But I didn't choose that, Billy.

There's a whole part of my life that I don't even know about.

What gives her the right to keep that from me?

I don't know.

[sighs] Great.

Now I have two moms who aren't speaking to me.

Ah, your mom will be okay.

Yeah, I'm sure she'll be thrilled.

She's just scared, that's all.

Of what?

I grew up with her. I love her.

- What could she be afraid of? - I don't know.

I think she's kinda terrified

that when you meet your birth mother

some kind of biological magic's gonna happen

and you're gonna forget all about her.

- That's ridiculous. - Well, you know that.

And I suspect she knows it, too

but she's still scared.

Well, she can stop worrying. Her problem is solved.

Uh, look..

...I'm really sorry, Viki.

I just can't believe she could do that to me.

[instrumental music]

Good morning, Dr. Samuels. You're looking well.

Uh, listen, I'm trying to collect money

for the Christmas For Kids Fund, and I was wondering

if you'd like to make a little contribution.

[coins clanking]

Get outta here, Blunden.

Don't be bothering these working people

with your bunco schemes.

Bu..

What's going on here?

I'm trying to collect money

uh, to buy Christmas toys for needy kids

and Dr. Samuels over there's acting like Scrooge.

Humbug, you're a fraud, Blunden.

Well, I think that's admirable, Dennis.

- There you go. - Thanks.

And, uh, God bless you, Billy.

Out. Out. Out. Out.

- Dr. Samuels, this is a legit-- - We've heard it all before.

- I'm trying to make-- - Ah-ba-ba-ba.

- Ah, get out. - Aw, man.

Out!

You patsy.

(Bernadette) 'Will you take care of that for me?'

Uh, how'd it go with Viki?

Ah, not so good.

She took it rather well though, I must say.

I'm not very good at breaking bad news.

And I'm afraid I'll have to do that again.

Yeah? What's wrong?

Kennedy and La Guardia completely snowed in.

All flights to North Carolina canceled

until further notice.

Terrible thing.

Nice try, Billy.

Ah, well, I gave it my best shot.

Look, I bought you a little something.

But you must promise not to open it until Christmas, okay?

Oh, I promise. You know, I have, it's a tradition with me.

I never ever open gifts until Christmas morning.

Okay. Right, I'll see you when you get back?

- Okay, goodbye. - Have a great time.

Thank you. Okay. So long.

See ya.

[wrapper rustling]

An easy-bake oven.

[instrumental music]

Oh, my God.

Look, I know this is a bad time, being Christmas Eve and all.

I just wanted to see what you look like.

Look, the real reason I came by

was because I wanted to see if it was true

that the woman who gave birth to me

really doesn't want to see me.

It's true.

Okay, I'll go.

You know, I can't believe that you can stand there

and not say anything.

There are so many things that I wanna know about myself.

Like, who my father is.

Do I have brothers and sisters, grandparents?

Are you right-handed or left-handed?

Are you afraid of thunder?

Do you sometimes think you have ESP?

Do you get any fever?

I don't even know when your birthday is.

Viki, I understand why you have all these questions

and I wish that I could sit down with you

and talk about everything.

But if I let you in this door

I'm gonna have to dredge up a lot of memories.

And...a lot of very complicated feelings.

You're gonna get angry..

...I'm gonna cry.

And then, there's my husband.

I never f-found a way to tell him about you.

What would I say to him?

It wasn't easy giving you up

and staying out of your life for all these years.

And then...you show up.

Knock on my door like you're selling girl scout cookies.

What do you expect me to do?

To invite you in and change my entire life?

- Yes. - I can't.

I just don't have the guts.

- You have to. - Why?

Because I'm worth it.

Yup.

You're worth it.

[sniffles]

Come on in.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

(all) Merry Christmas, Billy!

- So, what's up? - Hey, Billy!

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas we wish you a-- ♪♪

- Arvid, not now. - What's goin' on here?

Billy, we're your Christmas present.

My what?

Well, we decided the best present

we could give you was our company.

That way, you wouldn't have to spend your first Christmas

in America all alone.

Aw, that's lovely!

No presents, huh?

- Oh, Billy! - I'm kidding.

How would you like the official tour of the apartment?

- Hey, great. - Good.

[chuckles]

Would you like to see it again?

- Oh, Billy. - Billy.

Billy, sorry Dennis didn't show up.

He's out pushin' his Christmas scam again.

(all) Yeah.

Okay, why don't we all gather around

the old video fireplace, huh?

Oh, great. Where's the video marshmallows?

- Shh. - 'Ho! Ho! Ho!'

Merry Christmas!

Hey! Can you believe it? It's Dennis!

- Hey! - Sorry, I'm late, guys.

Sorry, I'm late, but I was making

a fortune on a 106th Street.

I'm tellin' ya, this Santa suit makes all the difference.

- Aw, man. - That's really low, Dennis.

Yeah, I'll say.

Somewhere out there's a naked fat guy

with a bell and a bucket.

- Oh, God! - No, no!

Alright, alright, you guys still don't think I'm legitimate?

- I won an award. - 'What?'

- 'Let's see!' - Take a look at this.

"This is in recognition of Dennis Blunden's

"fund raising efforts on behalf

of the Christmas For Kids program."

Billy, he was tellin' the truth.

No wonder we didn't believe him.

Well, I believed him.

Mind you, I believe wrestling on TV's on the up and up.

[laughing]

[knocking on door]

Hold on, hold on.

[indistinct chatter]

- Ah, Mrs. Emily. - Mr. Butinski.

Excuse me for barging in here like this.

But if Viki could tear herself away

from your fabulous Christmas extravaganza

I would really like to talk to her.

Well, actually Viki isn't here.

- She's not? - No.

But, uh, Simone's mother told me all the kids were meeting here.

Well, she certainly isn't here yet.

You don't suppose she went to see that...woman?

Oh, of course not.

And I speak as the official adoptee intermediary here.

I've told her she must never ever go there. Especially alone.

Oh, yes.

I'm so glad that you could come.

All my friends are dying to meet you.

- Oh, dear. - Hey, you guys.

This is my..

Mom?

Uh...everybody.

♪ Jingle bells jingle bells ♪♪

- Arvid! - Hey, stop!

- Shut up, Arvid! - Just a minute, you guys.

I think maybe they could use a bit of privacy here.

Do you think you could step into the next room?

What, what other room?

- Yeah. - Yeah!

Well, could you step onto the roof, please?

Uh, Billy, you want us to step onto the roof?

Great party. I could've done this at home.

- For real. - You will love it.

- It's great out there. - It's too cold out there.

I'm always out there.

There's a wonderful view, you'll love it.

'You can see for miles, as long as you look straight up.'

I love it. I've spent many, many happy hours out there..

- 'But it's cold.' - 'Brilliant!'

- You'll thank me for this. - How long do you think..

Mom, I-I didn't, I didn't know you were gonna be here.

- Obviously. - Hello.

- You must be Mrs. Amory. I'm.. - Hi.

Well, I guess this is a little weird, isn't it, mom?

(both) Yes.

So, now you're her mother?

No. I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean..

Billy, say something.

Well, ladies, t-this is a very, very tense situation, I realize.

But you know, you have one very, very important thing

in common here, you, you both hate me.

Mrs. Amory, I'm sorry.

- Maybe I should go. - Oh, no, no. You stay.

I am obviously the person who shouldn't be here.

Mom, don't be like that.

Look, I love you very, very much.

That's not gonna change.

You're my mom. You've always been my mom.

There's nothing for you to worry about.

You bet I'm your mom.

I'm the person who read you "Green Eggs and Ham"

every night for the first two years of your life.

And then there was, um...there was colic

and runny noses, blue bills, and brownies

camp-fire girls, girl scouts

dancing lessons and skating lessons

piano lessons, baton lessons

hamsters, turtles, goldfish

hamsters funerals, turtle funerals, goldfish funerals

driving, picking up, dropping off.

Oh! Don't get me started.

You're not gonna believe this.

But I'm really sorry I missed all those things.

You have no idea how many times I've regretted it.

- You have? - Of course.

I wish it could've been me.

But I'm glad it was you.

You did a beautiful job.

Well, thanks.

I guess I had pretty good genes to work with.

It's snowing! Come on, everybody.

Yeah, come on.

- 'Snow.' - 'It's snowing.'

[knocking on door]

- Bernadette! - Merry Christmas.

- Oh, great. - Uh..

I knew you'd be alone

so I brought you some home-made cookies.

(Billy) 'Oh.'

Fresh, out of my easy-bake oven.

Oh, you opened it

after going on and on about a tradition like that.

Well, I guess I, um..

I found someone to break traditions with.

- Oh. - 'So, um..'

Can I come in, so, uh, you can open your gift?

You don't have a gift.

I'm wearing it.

Oh, my God!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]