Original subtitles

[theme music]

- Good morning, everyone. - Good morning.

Yeah, for you maybe. For us, it's the pits.

Oh, I get it, a little academic Olympic setback, huh?

- Oh! - Setback?

Setback? We were routed, Mr. Moore.

Destroyed, humiliated, annihilated!

A-N-N-I-H-I-L-A-T-E-D, annihilated!

- Now he spells it right. - Yeah.

- Good mornin', everybody. - Oh!

Yeah, Eric, if you've nothing nice to say

don't say anything at all.

- Right. - Yeah, right.

What'd I say?

Well, I heard you say good morning

they heard you say nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah.

Forgive them, they, they're feeling sorry for themselves.

[bell rings]

Class, may I present the winner of the Carl Sagan Trophy

the Oppenheimer Young Mathematician's Award

the Junior Pulitzer and the Teenage Mental Medal of Mirth.

- Did I leave anything out? - Just his name.

- Right, hm. - Jasper Kwong.

Hi. I'm Mr. Moore. Welcome.

The newest member of the IHP.

Another one?

He just transferred into our district from Great Neck.

Uh, Dr. Samuels invited me to watch

your match against Riverdale. You know, it's really exciting.

Exciting? Uh, we got our butts kicked.

- Yeah. - That's right.

No, no, you were great

with just a few little mistakes.

- Like you, um.. - Dennis.

Dennis, it was Capro, not Copernicus.

I could see that you knew it

but it just didn't come out right.

[chuckles] It was so funny.

[chuckles]

That was really something when they said

"Which President suffered from Marfan syndrome?"

'I was sitting there goin', Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.

Then you go, "Roosevelt."

[chuckles]

Cracked me up.

Hey, if you're so smart, define Leptandra.

- 'Yeah.' - 'Yeah.'

The rhizome of Veronica Virginicum.

- Wow. - Oh, yeah?

5560 centigrade?

The boiling point of molybdenum.

Ah-ha!

- Wow. - Hey, hey, hey.

All of a sudden, St. Joseph's next week

doesn't look so scary.

- 'Yeah, yeah.' - 'Yeah!'

Welcome to the IHP, Jasper. You better find your seat.

[all clamoring]

Jasper, Jasper, as captain of the academic team

I would like to welcome you aboard

and announce that tonight is the first practice

for the all-new, all-powerful

Jasper-enchanced Fillmore academic team.

[all cheering]

I think we should get you fitted into a team blazer.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

Of course, it's necessary. They all wear blazers.

- 'Yeah, yeah.' - I won't need one.

I'm not going to be on the team.

- What? - Why?

For heaven's sake, why?

I would prefer not to.

[instrumental music]

- What're you talking about? - Yeah, why..

[all clamoring]

Alright, alright, alright!

Hey, hey, silence!

I'm sure there's no problem we can't solve

to got a bright lad like you on the team.

- So what's the problem? - I would prefer not to.

[indistinct chatter]

May I say something?

Ah, only if it relates to history.

Alright, uh, near the end of the Reagan administration

I was elected captain of the Fillmore academic team.

And as captain, I protest this student's being here.

He wants all the privileges of the IHP

without any of the responsibilities.

[all clamoring]

Wait up, wait up, wait up. Ho, ho, ho.

I'm in the IHP and I'm not on your team

because I don't wanna be on your team.

I got my rights and so does Jasper here.

Uh-huh. You, I don't want on the team. Him, I want.

- Thank you, Eric. - They don't understand--

No, no, Dr. Samuels.

He said he would prefer not to be on the team.

That's the end of the story, okay?

Thank you for your understanding, sir.

- But I don't-- - Out of the door. Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Moore. I'm gonna like it here.

[instrumental music]

- Hi. - I feel betrayed.

That Wong kid was like a son to me.

Kwong.

'Hey!'

Son, I, I knew you'd come around.

- What's your blazer's size? - 36 short.

You're givin' me a blazer even though I'm not on the team?

Hey, thanks.

You want a blazer, you join the team.

Oh, I would prefer not to.

I'm just here to root for Fillmore.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Sit down, come on.

Hey, good luck, guys.

Good afternoon.

Welcome to the academic meet between St. Joseph's and--

[buzzing]

Fillmore High.

Oh, you know, these guys are really good.

They beat Brock Science last month by 34 points.

Yeah, watch out for Quinsky.

He's brutal in Latin sentence structure.

You're really a fan of this, aren't you?

Oh, I'm strictly a sidelines guy.

I can never do what these guys do.

They're out of my league.

First question.

"Name the Silesian farmer

who developed the medical technique of hydropathy?"

Vincenz Priessnitz.

[buzzing]

- Frederick Waller? - Sorry. St. Joseph's?

No? It was Vincenz Priessnitz.

Good try, Sarah. Way to go.

[instrumental music]

Who wrote "Some things that fly there be.

'"Birds, hours, the bumblebee'

'of these no elegy?"'

Emily Dickinson.

[buzzing]

- St. Joseph's. - Emily Dickinson.

- 'Correct.' - Oh.

That's okay, guys. You'll get the next one.

Who said, "A fine library could be started

by leaving out the works of Jane Austin?"

Mark Twain.

[buzzing]

- 'Fillmore.' - H.L. Mencken.

- 'Ooh.' - 'Sorry.'

Nice try, T.J.

[buzzing]

St. Joseph's.

- Mark Twain. - 'Correct.'

That's okay, guys. You can do it. Come on.

Oh, I know I said a few things before the match

that weren't too nice.

I said, "If you wanna go out there

and blow another one, go ahead."

Well, you did. You went out there and you blew another one.

'Now you may be happy about that'

but I am ashamed

right down to the tips of my toes!

Oh.

Hey, come on, guys. What does he know?

He-he can't even see the tips of his toes.

Hey, you guys were great.

Oh, by the way, Sarah

do you know how I remember my African geography?

East to west, Chady's best. West to east, Chady's least.

It works. See you tomorrow.

Oh, keep up the good work, guys.

Four, six, eight.

Yeah, we got enough for an angry mob.

- Yeah. - Yes.

You know, if you really want him on the team

there are better techniques than threats and intimidation.

He's right. We could just shun him.

You know, refuse to talk to him. That's what the Quakers do.

Hm, yes, and it works for all those

winning Quaker academic teams.

Actually, I was thinking of another approach.

- What, Mr. Moore? - 'What's that?'

Well, try to be nice to him. You know the old saying.

I mean, you catch more flies with honey.

Okay, okay. We'll kill him with kindness.

Alright, and if that doesn't work, we'll just kill him.

[instrumental music]

Um, Jasper, why don't you sit with us at lunch today?

Or if you want, you can be my lunch buddy.

Thanks, guys. Hey, Alan, nice sweater.

Give him your sweater, Alan.

- What? - Give it to him!

Yeah.

Okay, one of you girls should ask him out on a date.

Um, Sarah, you're never busy.

- Here, Jasper. From me. - Really?

- Yeah. - Gee, thanks.

Uh, Jasper, Eric and I were going

to the Tracy Chapman concert on Friday.

Well, here. Why don't you go with Eric?

What?

Hey, that's really nice, Simone.

Would you like to have dinner first, Eric?

No.

Hey, you guys are too much to welcome me this way.

I don't know what to say.

You know, I wish there was something I can do

for all of you.

(all) Oh.

Well, Jasper, actually there is.

- Yeah. - Sure. Anything.

- Um.. - Uh..

Well, we, we have this meet against Erasmus High.

- Uh-huh. - Yes?

Will you be on our academic team?

- Would you? - Well..

- Please. - Come on, Jasper.

I would prefer not to.

Fine, be that way.

Hey, I didn't mean anything personal.

- Alright. - Sure.

We can still be friends, can't we?

Friends? You don't know the meaning of the word.

Yeah, you hung us out to dry, turkey.

You let your classmates down, Jasper.

That's pretty low.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, guys, listen, I just talked to my friend

at Jasper's old high school and I found out

why he won't be on the team.

Who cares?

You better. He killed a guy.

- What? - Jasper killed a guy?

[bell rings]

[instrumental music]

Jasper killed someone?

That's the story that's goin' around his old school.

Apparently, Jasper was on the academic team

when he was in junior high.

His best friend was on the team too.

And there was this, like, big rivalry between the two.

You know, like, who was smarter.

Well, his friend challenged Jasper to a one on one.

Jasper beat him so bad, it was devastating.

He humiliated him in front of everybody.

I guess his friend just cracked up and..

- And what? - Dropped out of school?

Yeah, the hard way. Off the roof.

- 'No.' - Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute. I, I don't believe this.

Now you're certain you got the story right?

I mean, Jasper was a member of his junior high academic team?

Yeah, positive. Everybody at Great Neck knows about it.

Wow. The poor guy. I feel really bad, Mr. Moore.

Where is he?

Well, uh, we kind of gave him a hard time and he left.

I think we should apologize. Can I go find him, Mr. Moore?

- It's a good idea. - Yeah, go find him.

Did you see the look on the poor dude's face?

God, he was really devastated, you guys.

Yeah, you guys, from now on, let's be really nice to him.

- 'Okay.' - 'That's a good idea, Sarah.'

Hey, don't look at me, I already got a date with him

for the Tracy Chapman concert.

[indistinct chatter]

Uh...Jasper, we're really sorry about the way we treated you.

- Yeah, we really are sorry. - Yeah, we're all sorry.

I understand. You were frustrated.

A lot of pressure.

You know, we're really good listeners

if you ever wanna talk about anything.

- 'Yeah.' - 'Yeah.'

- Like what? - Well..

Like anything that's botherin' you

or anything about your, uh, past.

Uh, I would prefer not to.

Jasper, uh, can I see you in the hall?

Sure, Mr. Moore.

Boy, three days

and he's already in the hall with Mr. Moore.

Jasper, uh, tell me about your friend.

What friend?

Junior high, the academic team, one on one?

Oh, no. That story? It followed me here?

Well, it's probably gonna follow you everywhere.

You know, every school I've gone to

they've wanted me for the academic teams.

And I don't wanna be on teams.

So in my last school

I made up a story about how my best friend

never spoke to me again after I destroyed him

at an academic meet.

As the story spread, it got bigger and bigger.

First, they said he quit school.

Then they were sayin' he became a Hare Krishna.

Then he jumped off a roof.

I couldn't stand it anymore.

So then you burrowed another story.

"Bartleby, The Scrivener."

"Bartleby, The Scrivener?"

Yeah, the story by Herman Melville.

- Don't know it. - Yes, you do.

The-the main character always says "I would prefer not to."

Just as you do.

Oh, that "Bartleby, The Scrivener."

Look, Jasper..

You're highly intelligent

your grades put you right in the IHP

and you are such a fan of the team.

I-I think you really wanna be part of it, don't you?

I just can't.

Because you're afraid of getting up in front of people and..

...failing under all that pressure?

You're good.

You're real good.

[instrumental music]

I shake, I sweat, I lose my voice.

I can't do it.

So I made up the story about my friend

but it got too complicated.

Then I read "Bartleby, The Scrivener."

I liked saying "I would prefer not to."

So clean, so simple.

[sighs]

But the truth is..

...I'm scared.

I'm sorry. I hope you will accept my apology.

Hey, Jasper, you may not have noticed

but you just made a big, long speech in front of all of us.

- Yeah, you did, Jasper. - 'Yeah.'

Well, I-I guess I feel comfortable with you guys.

But under pressure with buzzers and timers, I choke.

Come on, Jasper, you gotta try.

Give it a shot, man.

I think Jasper just has a little case of stage fright, you know.

Psychologists say that the fear of speaking or performing

in public is one of the most common phobias.

Did you know that Sir Laurence Olivier

used to throw up nearly every night

before he went on stage to perform?

And he still went on.

You can too. You just have to force yourself to do it.

Throw up?

Jasper, y-you'll never get over this fear

unless you make a real effort to overcome it.

And one way is just to go out there and go for it.

Is there still a blazer in my size?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[instrumental music]

- Hey, how do you feel, buddy? - Very bad, Arvid.

My mouth's dried, my hands are cold.

If I can move my legs, I'd go home.

Listen, uh, Jasper, you know the story of Dumbo?

Right now, I don't know anything.

Dumbo, the elephant, who was afraid of flying.

His little mouse friend Timothy gave him a magic feature.

And as long as he held on to it, he could fly.

But then while he was flying, he dropped the feather

and he was gonna crash when Timothy yelled, "No, no!

It's not really magic. You can fly without it."

And you know what? He could.

Okay.

Well, th-that's why I carry this with me.

It's a piece of my blankie.

It's not really magic but... keeps me from getting nervous.

Oh, thanks, Arvid. It'll be a big help.

Hey, hey, hey, get your own!

Heads up, team.

Our opponent Erasmus High School is overconfident.

Because they don't know about our secret weapon.

Jasper.

- Yeah. - Right.

Alright! Let's go out there and kick some academic butt.

- Come on! - Yeah!

- 'Come on, let's go.' - You'll be great, Jasper.

(Dennis) Alright, let's go.

[exhales]

[instrumental music]

3, 4, 5, and 5, 12, 13, are examples of what?

[buzzing]

- That's so easy. - 'Alright!'

- 'Fillmore.' - 'Yeah.'

Uh, uh..

- 'Jasper.' - 'Say it, Jasper.'

Say it, Jasper. Come on!

Come on, Jasper. It's easy, Jasper, it's easy.

Time.

[buzzing]

Erasmus?

Sides of Pythagorean triangles.

(female #1) 'Correct.'

[applause]

- I-I could've answered that. - Sorry.

And for this, they canceled girls' volleyball practice?

[instrumental music]

"Name the conic sections studied by the Greek Apollonius."

[buzzing]

'Fillmore.'

- Uh.. - Come on, Jasper.

- I.. - Jasper.

- I.. - Jasper, you know this.

(Darlene) 'You know it, Jasper.'

- Answer it. - Sorry, time is up.

[buzzing]

Erasmus.

Hyperbola, parabola

circle and ellipse.

- 'Correct.' - Yeah!

- I knew that. - I'm sorry.

[instrumental music]

"Can you find two whole numbers

"such as the square of one is equal

to twice the square of the other."

[buzzing]

- Fillmore. - No.

Because the square root of two is irrational.

- 'Correct.' - Yes!

[instrumental music]

[buzzing]

In comings!

[buzzing]

George Thoreau.

[buzzing]

The vitreous chamber.

[buzzing]

Microprocessor.

[buzzing]

- State and revolution. - Correct.

- Yeah! - Yay!

[applause]

"Name the five classical orders of architecture."

[indistinct chatter]

[buzzing]

- Fillmore. - What are you doing?

Uh, excuse me, we'd like to exercise

our last timeout please.

You have 30 seconds.

- You know this. - Of course.

- Ionic, Doric-- - No, don't, don't.

Don't tell us, tell them!

- Yeah! - Come on.

I definitely would prefer not to.

Jasper, if you don't do this now you'll have to transfer

to yet another school and tell the same stupid story about

the guy jumping off the roof and everyone will hate you forever.

- Yeah. - Jasper, it's okay, man.

- We're all with you. - Yes, Jasper.

- You can do it, Jasper. - I'm not sure.

- Jasper, you can do it. - You can do it, Jasper.

Here, Jasper.

- Take this. - Oh.

You mean it, Arvid? You're givin' me your blankie?

I want you to have it. I don't need it anymore.

Oh, you guys are incredible.

Nobody has ever stood by me this way before.

And I'm not gonna let you down.

- Okay. - Got him.

In fact, with you guys here, I don't even need this.

- Alright. - Great.

- Alright. - Oh, God, it's on the floor!

Fillmore.

The five classical order of architecture are..

...are, uh..

...Doric..

...I-Ionic..

...uh, Co-Corinthian..

...and Tuscan and Composite.

Correct.

[all cheering]

Hey, that was easy. Okay, I'm ready now. Bring 'em on!

Come to papa.

[laughing]

The final score is Fillmore, 37.

Erasmus, 39!

[applause]

I'm really glad you got over your stage fright, Jasper.

So maybe now we could work on your timing.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, I guess congratulations are sort of in order.

- How do you feel? - Like Laurence Olivier.

Good.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]