Original subtitles

[theme music]

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[instrumental music]

Charlie, how many college recruiters did you invite?

- Uh, 53. - Yeah?

And here are the faculty assignments.

Great.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Moore.

You have to explain some of these recruiters

you've invited.

- Uh, such as? - Greenpeace.

Greenpeace. That's not a college.

The Bowling Green's a college.

Greenpeace is, uh, whale watching or something.

Uh, i-it's an organization

dedicated to saving the planet.

I-I just thought that some of the students--

I'm trying to send kids to college

not out looking for Moby Dick.

And, look, look at this.

Why, you've invited the armed forces!

Uh, Dr. Samuels

you know, I-I'm not gonna be able to get this done

unless you stop interrupting.

Okay. I'm a reasonable man.

And I'll drop by during your first period

and we'll discuss it.

Uh, th-that's another thing, sir.

Uh..

Okay. Uh, how can I say this nicely?

Um, I would appreciate it

if you would not come into my classroom

unannounced anymore.

What do you mean?

Well, y-you just walk in anytime you feel like it

and, and it's an in-interruption.

You don't want me in the classroom?

No, it's not that. It's just that--

My, my kids.

You don't want me to see my kids.

Well, it-it's not a custody battle, Dr. Samuels.

I-I just..

...don't want you to interrupt my teaching

the lessons to my students.

Of course, I understand.

Don't worry about me, Mr. Moore.

Miss Meara, I'll be in my office.

And I don't want to be interrupted.

[instrumental music]

Good morning, everyone.

- Good morning. - Hi.

What's so good about it?

My-my father wants me to go to Columbia, where he went.

My mother wants me to go to Caltech, where she went.

My Aunt Merline wants me to got to cosmetology school.

Hey, you know, that's not a bad idea.

You know, beauticians make a nice living.

Uh, what am I talking about, Mr. Moore?

I just can't make a decision!

Well, you just decided not to become a beautician.

That's a start.

But it's, uh, college recruiting day.

Bunch of people come by.

They tell you why they think

you'd want to go to their school.

I mean, it's nothing to get worked up about.

Don't be naive, Mr. Moore.

I mean, we all have good grades, but good grades aren't enough.

If you make a good impression, they hear about it.

If you don't, you're on your way to motel management.

This is our futures we're talking about here.

Well, I think college is..

...a long way off.

M-Mr. Moore, on Friday, we have to be poised, confident

articulate, well-groomed.

What are you lookin' at?

Okay, so I'm not Ralph Lauren.

You're not even Ralph Kramden.

What you're all feeling is normal.

Interviews make us all nervous.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not.

Okay, so they make some of us nervous.

Okay, Alan, uh, what gives you the nerves of steel?

You've already chosen your college?

[scoffs] You don't choose Harvard.

Harvard chooses you.

And Alan Pinkard is one of the chosen people?

No, it's a mere formality.

I've already selected my major and bought my books.

I've also picked out my dorm room.

Southeast corner of the Quad

third floor, overlookin' the business school.

They showed me that room. I didn't like it.

You're going to Harvard, too?

Colleges have been calling me for years.

She's holding out for a sorority house with monkey bars.

(Charlie) 'Darlene?'

Well, the Bryn Mawr recruit

is a business associate of my father's.

I'm taking her to lunch at the Four Seasons.

Oh, Darlene, that is the worst.

Not since Andre took over the kitchen.

Why is everybody making such a big deal about this?

[scoffs] Maria?

You're not nervous?

Look, you go to some college, you get out.

You go to some grad school, you get out.

You become a psychologist, you have kids, they hate you

you retire and you die.

Why is your life flashing before my eyes?

It's, you know, I-I-I think

you're all gonna be okay.

Huh, I feel faint.

Except Arvid.

Eric?

Oh, we're going to Sarah Lawrence.

Simone, I said I would consider going there, that's all.

W-what are you trying to tell me, Eric?

That I would consider it, okay?

I know you. You're backing out.

Backing out? But I haven't even backed in.

Look, I'm sorry I brought it up, okay?

'Alright, when Linda Johnson assumed the presidency'

'we had already established'

a policy of intervention in Vietnam.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

Gang, remember, college recruiting day

is Friday, first period.

Yeah, they know that.

Those of you who will be attending

will be excused from classes.

They know that.

Just keep in mind that what you say

what you wear and what decisions you make Friday

will follow you to your graves.

[indistinct chatter]

Look, uh, excuse me. M-may we?

Do you remember our chat this morning?

Oh, yes, I do, Mr. Moore.

And at first, I was crushed.

But I said to myself

"I'm the principal.

"This is my school.

These are my kids."

So in the future, will you please not interrupt my--

- Interruptions? - Precisely.

Carry on, team.

[instrumental music]

Girls, I've made a decision.

I am definitely going to Caltech.

- Great, Arvid. - Great, Arvid.

Or Princeton.

No, no, no, no. Definitely Caltech.

Or Princeton.

I mean, uh, Stanford High.

No, no, no, no, definitely Columbia.

Oh, ah..

Arvid, who cares?

Guys, listen to this.

"Students and faculty gather at Dean's residence

for conversation and tea."

Look at these suits. Who are they kidding?

Nobody in MIT dresses like this.

Yeah. Just the kids in the brochure.

- The one's that got accepted. - 'Ha-ha-ha!'

Come on, Darlene. Okay, okay. Here, here.

Look, there's somebody who dresses just like me.

Read the caption.

"MIT students in Harvard production of Tobacco Road."

[chuckles]

Oh.

Arvid, you gotta help me dress better.

I need help picking out clothes.

Matching colors, you know? Putting together an outfit.

Alan? I got to make a good impression on the MIT recruiter.

What do I wear?

How about a car cover with cuffs?

[laughs]

- I need advice, not abuse. - Uh, I'm sorry.

You really want my help?

Yeah, I need.. No.

What am I gonna be able to do in four days, anyway?

You? Nothing.

But in the hands of Alan Pinkard, Pygmalion revisited.

- I accept the challenge. - Yeah?

It'll-it'll be like clearing a slum.

Like, like turning a-a garbage fill

into a cricket pitch. Like, like--

I just want some help pickin' out a shirt.

You just don't pick out a shirt. You make a statement.

Look, we'll go to my tailor

we'll tell him it's an emergency.

And remember, no plaids, no prints

and for the love of God, man, no horizontal stripes.

What's that scent you're wearing?

Hm?

[sniffs] Oh, it's bean dip.

Dennis, we're talking MIT, not bozo you.

Okay, I'm sorry. It's not that easy being dull.

- How do you do it? - Oh, no.

- Alan, I'm sorry. - Forget it, forget it.

Oh, come on, please.

Eric, I thought we were, you know

kinda serious about each other.

We are. I'm serious.

Well, then, why do you want to get away from me?

Well, help me out here. When did I say that?

Well, you don't want to go to Sarah Lawrence

that's where I'm gonna be.

Ergo, you don't wanna be with me.

Oh, hold the ergo right there.

Why do I have to be where you wanna be?

Why can't you be where I wanna be?

- Where do you wanna be? - I don't know.

Ergo, what are we talking about?

Sarah Lawrence.

It's so beautiful.

Once you see the leaves changing color

or walk across the lawn..

Do you understand? A lawn.

Yes, I understand a lawn.

A wide expanse of grass covering field mice and other rodents.

Eric, think about it.

Professors in tweed jackets with pipes, canoeing.

It's always been my dream.

Simone, if you wanna go canoeing with a bunch of old guys

with pipes, be my guest.

What does that have to do with me?

You know, it's becoming pretty obvious.

You just wanna get away from me.

Look, you want me to talk to the Sarah Lawrence recruiter

I will talk to him, okay?

You happy now?

Geez.

Don't slouch.

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

Okay, if I could have your attention, please?

[knocking on door]

Pay no attention.

Uh, I was saying

since recruiting is during first period today and--

(Darlene) 'Uh, Mr. Moore?'

Yeah, I know, just, uh, ignore him

politely, of course.

Uh, anyway, as I was saying

since recruiting is during first period..

That didn't happen.

Um, obviously there'll be no history class.

So, those of you who are not going, it's a free period.

And if you are going, once you've finished your interviews

please return here.

Then you can use the time as you see fit, okay?

[knock on door]

- Mr. Moore, Ms. Meara. - Yeah?

I suppose we can let her in.

[chuckles]

- Um.. - I'm glad you noticed us.

Your doors were jammed.

No, actually, they were both locked.

- Locked? - 'Yeah.'

Um, Charlie, the recruiters are ready for you all now.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

Good news. Let's go, gang.

Wait a minute. Where's Dennis Blunden?

If he's out filling up those water balloons..

- 'So help me out..' - 'Oh, my goodness.'

Oh!

It took me four straight days but I turned him into a yuppie.

Another day and I'd have had him voting Republican.

[both laugh]

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you care to join us in the gym?

Bye. Good luck.

Uh, come on, Janice.

I think the adults would like to talk.

I am just as adult and mature as anyone else.

- I'll play Jacks with you. - Okay.

[sighs] I changed my mind.

I don't wanna talk to this recruiter.

You said you'd keep an open mind about it.

[sighs] What's the point? I'm not gonna go.

Ergo, why talk?

Everything you say puts more and more distance between us.

What's going on here?

I mean, you-you keep trying to tell me what to do.

We're not even married yet.

Not, not that I meant that as a proposal or anything.

Well, just what do you mean?

[sighs] Look, if you want to wear tweed

and smoke a pipe at Sarah Lawrence, fine.

And if I want to stay a non-smoker

and wear black leather, that's what I'm gonna do.

And if that means to you then I don't wanna be with you

then okay, you win!

Okay. Fine.

Have a nice life.

[instrumental music]

Okay. It's not a deli, you know?

You don't have to take a number.

[Arvid sighs]

I feel it, Mr. Moore.

I'm on the verge of a decision.

- Good. - I-I--

I mean, I-I'm, I'm almost on the verge of a decision.

I-I-I'm on the verge of being on the verge of..

Okay.

- What's wrong? - I don't know, Mr. Moore.

I've completely lost my self-confidence

and I, I just don't feel..

I don't feel like me.

Well, you certainly, uh, look presentable.

Yeah.

That's it.

If there's one thing Dennis Blunden is not

and never will be

it's presentable.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Moore.

Uh, incidentally, your tie is on straight.

Oh. Thanks.

Excuse me. I'm looking for the Harvard recruiter.

- Oh, yes. - Is he here?

O-or maybe I'm early. That's not good, is it?

You're right on time.

Oh, good, 'cause I-I wanna make a good impression on him.

Uh-uh, you work with him, what's he like?

Actually, um, I don't work with him.

Oh.

I understand.

I should have known that a classy gal like you

would be dating a Harvard man.

Absolutely.

Unless, of course, that Harvard man

happens to be a classy...gal.

Have a seat, Mr. Pinkard.

Uh, Pinkard? No. M-my name is Blunden, Dennis Blunden.

Oh.

Hi.

Uh, hi.

How did it go at Sarah Lawrence?

Great. They love me.

You don't seem too thrilled.

Well, now that I know that

Eric just wants me to go away to college.. How would you feel?

Well, how do you know that that's what he really wants?

Well, I don't. He's not talking.

- Maybe, you could-- - Mm.

Let's say that you and Eric

do stay together and you get married

and you have kids and you have these little problems.

How're you gonna solve these problems when I'm not around?

You're right.

I guess I should just forget about him.

[laughing]

She says, "Lotion. Lotion."

[both laughing]

- Isn't that a beautiful buzzer? - Oh, you like the buzzer?

You gotta see what I got in my locker.

It's this plastic vomit. It's great, I tell you.

Wait till you see what I'm working on.

I'm testing the effects of zero gravity

on Whoopee Cushions.

Yeah?

Mr. Moore, you got a minute?

- Uh, actually, I don't, Eric. - Okay, give me half a minute.

I just need your advice on something.

Well, I'll tell you, the answer to all your problems..

Talk to her.

I gotta hand it to you, Mr. Moore.

At first, I hated your idea

of inviting the armed services to this thing.

But the kids, uh, like it a lot.

I've made a decision.

- Great. - Congratulations.

I think I just joined the marines.

[groans]

- You what, Arvid? - 'No, no, no.'

The marines have a very fine program.

I'll get a good education in, uh

field artillery maintenance.

I-I'll get to see the world

and I'm gonna get something I've always dreamed of.

Biceps.

- Go ahead, Mr. Moore. - Go ahead and what?

Well, you are gonna talk him out of it, aren't you?

- Yeah. - No, I'm not.

- You-you're not? - No.

I've never been against people doing things for their country.

Besides, I admire anybody who wants to

hike 20 miles with a fully loaded backpack.

Sleep in mosquito-infested swamps.

Eat year-old meat out of a can.

You have a lot to look forward to.

Year-old meat?

What a disaster!

I completely made a fool out of myself.

- I totally blew it. - No, you didn't. He loved you.

He said you'll make a great doctor

and you got him to stop smoking.

- Really? Great. - Yes.

- Um, how'd you do? - Awful.

You ever tried to talk to someone who just quit smoking?

(Sarah) What happened?

Well, it looks like I can kiss Harvard goodbye.

H-Harvard man.. A woman..

I mean, I-I thought he would be..

Well, she..

Well, this is as articulate as I got.

Well, looks like the Cold War is back on.

War? War! No, I don't wanna go!

I'm sorry..

Arvid, it's okay.

I-I-I did talk to that

recruiting officer from the marines.

And he said that all you agreed to was

possibly a second meeting

so you can change your mind.

Oh. Thanks, Mr. Moore.

Alan, I..

Let's say that you did blow it with Harvard, okay?

Is your life over?

Actually, not.

Thinking about blowing it

is a lot worse than actually doing it.

Well, anyway, I think Princeton has a better wine cellar.

Well, you did learn something today.

I learned something today.

If you're not gonna be yourself

at least make sure that you're not Alan.

Okay, well, uh..

Eric, Simone, did you two, uh

get anything out of this?

No.

Not really.

Except for I'm never talking to him again.

You're never talking to him again, again?

Uh, Simone. Eric.

Outside.

- Again? - Again.

Now, where were we?

I guess he wants us to settle this ourselves, huh?

- So? - So?

Listen, Simone, I never said that I wanna get away from you.

I just think that this is a decision

that I got to make with a clear head.

And I can't do what's wrong for me

just to make things nice for you.

No matter how much I like you.

No, Eric, it's my fault. I should apologize.

I realize I've been pushing you

to enroll in the same school as I do

and that's selfish.

I just can't imagine not seeing you every day.

Listen, Simone, if I'm gonna be a writer

a real New York writer

then I gotta have the streets, you know?

I gotta have the energy of the city.

I want to go to a college that anybody can afford.

Where there's all types of people.

A-and you can be a part of what's happening.

I want to go to City College.

I mean, if it was good enough

for Paddy Chayefsky and Bernard Malamud

and Upton Sinclair, I'm sure it's okay for a jerk like me.

Even though it may not have canoeing.

On the other hand, if you keep looking at me like that..

...I'm just gonna say, "To hell with it"

and go to Sarah Lawrence.

No.

You'd hate it.

You need the inspiration of a greasy, noisy city.

- Don't you? - Yeah.

And you need to be around old paneling

and old musty out-of-print books.

I mean, that's your dream.

So go for it.

So, what about us?

Simone, college is a long, long way off.

You really think we ought to start worrying about that now?

Well...yeah.

[sighs]

Look, I-I don't see what the big deal is.

I mean, Sarah Lawrence is only

38 minutes from here by train.

How do you know that?

I timed it.

- You did? - Yeah.

Come on, you think I'm gonna let you go away someplace

where I can't see you anytime I want?

Good thinking.

Thank you.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

So, I talked to Duke University

and UCLA and Stanford

and I think, well, I think I've made my decision.

Oh, which one did you choose?

None of 'em.

I'm not going to college.

My mom is the one who wanted me to be a psychologist.

I want to be a singer.

Come on, Maria, do you really think

you can make it as a singer?

Well, let's give her a chance.

Yeah, I mean, you, uh, you try something

maybe it doesn't work out, so then you try something else.

So you mean, it doesn't matter what career choice we make?

Well, no, it's important that you make a choice

but it's not irrevocable.

Look at me. I mean, I, I came to New York.

I started out as an actor and now I'm a teacher.

[chuckles] Who knows?

Paul Gauguin started out to be a banker

and became one of the world's greatest painters.

On the other hand, Hitler started out to be a painter--

Thank you, Janice. Thank you.

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