Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

♪ Baby love my baby love ♪

♪ I need you oh how I need you ♪

♪ But all you do is treat me bad ♪

♪ You break my heart and leave me sad ♪

♪ Oh tell me what did I do wrong ♪

♪ To make you stay away so long ♪

♪ Baby love my baby love ♪♪

(Aristotle) 'Okay, thank you, thank you!'

That was terrific, girls, really!

I think we can do better.

Uh, Aristotle, I'm the director

and you're the assistant. So I say, "Thank you."

And I decide when we can do better.

- 'Okay?' - Okay, you're my man!

I gotta make you look good, right?

Thank you. Thank you, girls.

Okay..

Uh, Oliver Stevens, get ready!

What's all this about, "Hair?"

Well, it's a musical, and we're doing it.

The one with long-haired hippie dope addicts

that sing dirty songs and they all dance naked?

No, this is the one with "Aquarius"

and "Let The Sunshine In"

"Hell no, we won't go."

Well, hell, no, there won't be no show!

Oh, Dr. Samuels!

Look, there will be a show, okay?

Because it has a very important message.

"Make love, not war."

Right. Unsafe sex among draft dodgers!

Uh, Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore..

- Simone. - Simone?

- 'Hi' - Hey!

- Mercy try-out? - Aristotle!

- Okay. - Mr. Moore.

Uh, c-can this wait for just a moment?

Uh, Simone?

Oh, well, um, first, I'd like to say something.

I mean, I've always been sort of stuck in the back

or making costumes or something.

But this time, well--

Yeah, you'd like a, a larger role.

I know it's a lot to ask.

But I really need it to get over my shyness.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're gonna walk around naked

in front of the whole school

to get over your shyness?

- Naked? - Yeah, we're doin' "Hair," man.

At the end of the first act

everybody takes their clothes off.

Naked?

Well, that's the way I remember it, yeah.

Never mind.

[indistinct yelling]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct yelling]

Mr. Moore! Naked?

Come on, Viki, you're halfway there already.

[laughing]

Hey, Mr. Moore, you said you did

"Hair" in the '60s, right?

Yes, in a rogue company.

(Alex) 'A-and every night'

you had to take your clothes off, right?

I'm afraid so.

You're doing the nude scene?

- No, we're not! - You got that right, baby!

What do they got a problem about?

I don't know! What's the matter, girls?

You afraid of taking off your clothes?

No way! Not a prayer!

Wait, wait, let's take a vote.

- No voting! - Relax!

Now, everybody that's in favor

of doing this scene without clothes

raise your hands.

What?

Okay, uh..

...everybody in favor of doing it with clothes, your hands..

[clears throat]

Well, nudity wins.

- What! - What?

- No way! - Yes!

Okay, guys, let's take it off!

Uh, now?

Yeah, we have to see what you're gonna look like.

Yeah, Dennis, we could all use a good laugh.

- Take it off! Take it off! - Take it off!

So, does anybody wanna change their vote?

I would like to.

[Viki mimicking chicken]

Okay, well..

Looks like that carries, there will be no nudity on stage.

- That's better. - Yeah.

- The audience will be naked. - What?

Okay, Simone. Uh, let's hear your song.

Uh, okay.

[piano music]

[indistinct singing]

Uh, um, is something wrong?

Too soft.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Moore, let's just forget it.

You were doing fine, Simone, really!

And another thing, no dirty words.

- Fine, no dirty words, okay. - Good.

Actually, there will be some

colorful, strong, earthy words, but--

- Which ones? - Uh..

- Well.. - Kisselback and Lux.

Kisselback? Lux! You can't say that!

Monica Kisselback and Manfred Lux, they're just auditioning.

Look, r-read the script, okay?

- Oh.. - Okay. Let's go, folks.

Just to prove that we can get down and dirty

like everybody else.

We've taken the liberty of auditioning

with one of the actual songs from "Hair."

Yes. Picture us, if you will, as black people.

What?

It's nothing.

♪ White boys give me goosebumps ♪

♪ White girls give me chills ♪

♪ When they touch my shoulder ♪

♪ That's the touch that kills ♪♪

[applauding]

- Thank you. Thank you. - Ah! There you go.

Don't you love this show?

- I hate it. - You love the movie!

You told me you saw "Hair" and you loved it.

I got the name wrong. I saw "Shampoo."

You can't say this!

You know, if they said it on stage 20 years ago

surely, we can say it now.

The message of this play is un-American.

It's about American history, when the country

was deeply divided by the war in Vietnam.

And the last time I checked freedom of speech

was still in the constitution.

Not according to the head of the English department.

- Mrs. Hartman? - She's outraged.

That's interesting, we haven't done the play yet.

Great idea! Do it next year, after she retires.

Sorry.

Okay, Dennis Blunden and Arvid Engen.

[piano music]

♪ Bess ♪

♪ You is my woman now ♪

♪ You is.. ♪♪

So, compare that to what's happened

recently in Eastern Europe.

Ordinary citizens band together

and they demand that their governments

respond to the will of the people.

Which is what was happening

here in America in the late 1960s

with the peace movement.

Which is reflected very nicely in "Hair."

[bell rings]

Okay. Tomorrow.

Uh...Mr. Moore, speaking of "Hair.."

- 'Yeah, Mr. Moore.' - Oh! Cast list.

- 'Yeah!' - 'Whoo! Alright!'

- Berger will be played by Eric. - Yes!

Alex will be Claude.

[cheering]

T.J., Sheila.

- Yeah! - 'Whoo!'

- Viki, Jeanie. - Alright!

Sarah and Darlene, Crissy and Lafayette.

(Sarah) 'Alright!'

Simone, are you sure you wouldn't

'give it another chance?'

Oh, Mr. Moore..

...I just get so frightened.

I mean, I thought I could do it, but..

Aw, come on, Simone! You were really good!

I don't know, heh. Um, maybe.

Simone!

Dennis, you know, your plant was incredible

in, in "Little Shop."

And who could ever forget your Seymour?

[chuckling] But?

But, uh, I think we should give

someone else a chance this time.

- Chorus? - Not exactly.

- We're dancers? - Uh, a little farther up stage.

- Uh, how.. - Much..

...further?

- Off stage actually. - Wha..

Uh, Aristotle is gonna be designing the sets

and I think the two of you are perfect

to make those sets happen.

W-w-wait a minute, Aristotle is not only in the show

but he-he designs the sets and he's the assistant director?

Don't forget, choreographer.

Damn, I'm good. Ha-ha.

- Have fun. - Bye.

What do you mean.. Hey, wait, I-I apologize.

I was just kidding, come on, you guys. Have a heart.

Come on, please?

- Alright. - Okay.

- Great! Cool! - Thank you.

Mm-hm. Alan!

I want you to be Claude's father, dad number one, okay?

That's kind of a small part, isn't it?

Alan! Alan, come on, there are no small parts!

There are just parts with fewer words and less time on stage.

Right!

- Mr. Moore. - Viki.

Listen, I was very impressed by your audition.

Thanks. Listen, I have something very important to tell you.

- Oh. Okay. - Sit down.

You know how "Hair" is all about astrology?

♪ When the moon is in the seventh house.. ♪♪

Yep, yeah, I-I thought it was about a few other things

but go ahead.

- I did everybody's horoscopes. - Oh, great.

Yeah, everybody's signs were in perfect harmony.

It's unbelievable, according to the stars

this show should be fabulous.

- Good. - But it won't be.

Why is that?

Your chart. It's pure disaster.

I personally feel that astrology is a, a load of Taurus.

- Typical response from a Virgo. - From a Virgo, yes.

Just don't forget, I tried to warn you.

Thank you.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

You want us to tie-dye the backdrops?

Yeah, you tie it in knots

and then you dip it into lots of different colors.

It's total '60s.

Okay, Manfred. Uh, now, what's your problem?

I'm merely saying that dad number two

is a waste of my talent. I'd-I'd make a perfect Berger.

But no, who's playing Berger?

The poster boy for the tone-deaf.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on.

We got a lot of work to do, okay?

Alex, take us to Manchester, England.

Manchester, England. Places, everyone. Please.

[indistinct chatter]

(Moore) 'Hey, fellas, come on, get it in the tank.'

[piano music]

♪ Manchester England England ♪

♪ Across the Atlantic Sea ♪

♪ And I'm a genius genius ♪

♪ And I believe in God ♪

♪ And I believe that God ♪

♪ Believes in Claude that's me ♪♪

But I don't know how long me bloody old man's

gonna put up with this, do I?

I've gotta get out of this flat and start

Liverpoolin' it up with me mates.

Stop that! You stop that right now!

You were born right here in dirty..

- Slummy! - Mucky!

- Polluted. - Flushing New York.

Start being an American.

The army will make a man out of you.

Your draft notice arrived today.

(all) Greetings!

(Alex) 'I've gotta get out of this flat and start'

'Liverpoolin' it up with me mates.'

- Wait a minute. - 'You were born right here..'

- 'Mucky!' - 'Mucky!'

Will you quit playing around?

Now, we got to do the whole thing over.

Didn't you see me in there? I-I could've drowned!

Yeah, you'd be 'dyed' and gone to heaven.

- It's starting. - Okay, it's not starting, okay?

Mrs. Hartman..

Mr. Moore, I came here as a teacher of literature

uh, who has great respect for the English language

and for the theatre to ask

'don't you think this play'

'demands something less'

than the level of artistic expression

our students should aspire to?

Dammit!

Uh, halfway through that sentence

I knew I was gonna split the infinitive

and I couldn't pull out of it.

I was gonna go in after you

and I figured I'd be lost, too.

Why, why don't I use simple English? It's crap!

Please don't do this play. Do something else.

After all, English literature is an endangered species.

But the power of this play

is not derived from the eloquence of its language.

Oh-ho.. Oh, dear!

I am beginning to see why you chose this play.

Suits you...and your whole generation.

So rike, so full of yourself.

So foolish.

So long.

♪ And I believe in God ♪

♪ And I believe that God believes in Claude that's me ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Look, Simone, you have a beautiful voice.

Everybody knows you do but you.

Wh...i-it's just that getting up on stage

with those people staring at me..

Oh, Eric, it's terrifying.

That's why they invented acting.

So beautiful, talented people

who ordinarily have nothin' else to worry about

can have somethin' that makes their palms sweat

their knees shake, and then they throw up.

- You too? - Everybody.

Now, look, I want you to go back to Mr. Moore

and finish that audition because..

Because?

B-because..

...aside from everything else,

I would like to have you

in the cast with me, because..

Because?

Because I, I miss you, okay?

Oh, yes. O-okay.

I mean, that's very, very, very okay.

[bell rings]

(both) Class.

[mellow music]

- What do we want? - Peace!

- When do we want it? - Now!

- What do we want? - Freedom!

- When do we want it? - Now.

(all) Peace now, freedom now! Peace now, freedom now!

Alright! Alright, cool. Alright, let's do that again.

- What do we want? - Peace!

Wait, wait. Hold it, hold it. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

You guys, this is not what I asked for.

I asked for swirls, not squiggles.

Hey, squiggle this.

You know, Aristotle, I've had it about up to here

with your little put-downs.

Aristotle, come here.

- I thought we had settled this. - It is settled, Mr. Moore.

- It's supposed to be swirls. - No.

I'm talking about your attitude.

Oh! Heh!

Um, excuse me, Mr. Moore..

If I don't do this now, I never will.

- What? - Oh, I think I'm ready to sing.

Oh, that's sweet, Simone

but I-I don't think we're ready to listen.

Uh, excuse me, this is the man in charge here.

He says who sings and who does not, okay?

- Let's hear your song. - Okay.

Mr. Mark, can you play "What A Piece Of Work?"

[piano music]

♪ What a piece of work is man ♪

♪ How noble in reason ♪

♪ How infinite in faculties ♪

♪ In form and moving how express and admirable ♪

♪ In action how like an angel ♪

♪ In apprehension how like a God ♪

♪ The beauty of the world ♪

♪ The paragon of animals ♪

♪ What a piece of work is man ♪

♪ How noble in reason ♪♪

[applauding]

- Wonderful! Wonderful. - Very good.

[instrumental music]

What?

At this point, Berger is down stage center

and I want everybody dancing circularly around him

sort of like in a double figure eight.

God, fantastic! Brilliant, Mr. Moore!

- It's not brilliant, okay? - Okay, it's not brilliant.

- You're brilliant, man. - Aristotle!

I-I-I dislike groveling as much as I dislike ego-tripping.

So I-I would be quite content if you could find a groove

somewhere between Sniveling Yes Man

and Prima Donna.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Uh, I mean, I'll think about it.

Mrs. Hartman.

Could you excuse us for a moment?

At a time in our history, when, uh..

...th-there's little or no respect for the law

when our leaders are fighting a war on drugs

and the airways are polluted with so much musical filth

that it's almost unbelievable

wh-why is it that you're doing a play

in this school that glamorizes all those things?

Mrs. Hartman, with all due respect..

...you're engaged in a complete

and total misinterpretation of "Hair."

Look, this play, this musical

celebrates freedom

and, and kindness and gentleness.

And it condemns war

and bigotry, and violence, and stupidity

just as powerfully as it first did

20 something years ago.

Well, how about if I speak powerfully right now?

I insist that you cancel this show.

You're kidding.

I am not kidding!

I'm warning you.

Thank you, Mrs. Hartman, but I don't warn.

[mellow music]

♪ She asks me why ♪

♪ I'm just a hairy guy ♪

♪ I'm hairy noon and night ♪

♪ Hair that's the fright ♪

♪ I'm hairy high and low ♪

♪ Don't ask me why don't know ♪

♪ Give me down to there hair ♪

♪ Shoulder length or longer ♪

♪ Here baby there mama ♪

♪ Everywhere daddy daddy ♪

♪ Hair ♪♪

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Hold it!

Look, uh, I think I'm wasting everybody's time here.

Why, y-you're terrific.

It's not that, it's..

- What's the problem? - It's Mrs. Hartman.

If I don't catch up on some of the work

that she's been givin' us, I'm not gonna pass English.

How much work is she giving you?

She keeps piling it on, I've gotta turn in a paper

comparing Lady Macbeth, Helen of Troy

and Elizabeth the First, by Monday.

And I gotta hand in another one by Friday.

And we've all gotta read three more books.

- Yeah.. - That's true.

So, what are you saying?

I guess I'm sayin'..

I can't believe I'm saying this, but..

...I-I can't be on the show. I'm sorry.

Anyone else?

Mr. Moore, I feel really terrible about this.

- Sarah? - Yeah, Mr. Moore, sorry.

Uh-uh, I mean, you know, with my track record

I can't mess with Ms. H.

It's really too bad, I mean I was starting to get

into where this play is really coming from. Later, man.

I finally get up enough nerve to audition

I get a role, and it's all down the tubes.

Sorry.

You too, hm?

It's all in your chart, Mr. Moore.

Well, where were we?

[piano music]

♪ Here baby there mama everywhere daddy daddy ♪♪

Okay.

Where do you get off, pulling a stunt like that?

Like what?

Alex Torres just quit the show

and half of my cast walked out with him because of you!

I didn't tell anyone to quit your show.

Although, with that particular piece of so-called theatre

I hardly think it'll make any difference.

It makes a world of difference and you know it

and that is why you did it!

Did what?

Are we gonna keep going in circles here?

Or do you wanna solve the problem?

My problem is solved.

Well, that is a blatant abuse

of your authority over those students.

'Every one of those students has an assignment.'

And if they don't turn it in on time..

...it's an automatic F.

[instrumental music]

(Mr. Moore) Next on "Head Of The Class.."

I will get this play on if I have to be on stage myself

with the entire janitorial staff

and a couple of retired crossing guards.

♪ Here baby there mama ♪

♪ Everywhere daddy daddy ♪

♪ Hair hair hair hair hair ♪♪

We'll be lucky if they don't put us all in jail.

♪ When the moon is in the seventh house ♪

♪ And Jupiter aligns with Mars ♪

♪ Then peace will guide the planets ♪♪

♪ Oh let me tell you white boys give me goosebumps ♪

♪ White boys give me chills ♪

♪ When they touch my shoulder ♪

♪ That's the touch that kills ♪♪

Alright, everyone in this theater is under arrest

for watching this lewd and obscene show.

- I knew it, I knew it, I knew-- - Alright, buddy, come on.

- Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. - Oh, no, please.

No, no, it's the end of the world.

[theme music]