Original subtitles

[theme music]

[laughing]

Have you guys decided on the project yet?

Yeah, we're studying food intake.

Hamster A eats on demand. Hamster B eats on schedule.

[chuckles]

This is good. What is it?

Hamster kibble.

Tasted okay to me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have this tremendous urge

to go to sleep on a pile of wood shavings.

What are you guys doing?

Alan and I are researching the mathematics

of the ancient Aztec calendar.

Did you know that today is third day of [indistinct]

Oh, so what does that mean?

I think it means we have to sacrifice a virgin.

[bell ringing]

Dennis, did you hear some of those lame projects?

They're not gonna be able to touch us.

That is when we come up with a project.

If we come up with a project.

How about an experiment involving molecular spin

and the components of the atom?

- Nah. Kids' stuff. - Ki..

Alright, alright, how about an experiment to substantiate

the Big Bang Theory of the creation of the universe?

Nah. Come on, Arvid. We gotta think bigger.

Bigger? Bigger?

There he is. The funny-looking one.

Could you be a little more specific?

Yeah, the one without the glasses.

(Arvid) 'Okay. Well, what do you wanna do for the project?'

- Well, we could-- - Blunden. I wanna talk to you.

Look, I get my allowance on Saturday.

I promise you'll be paid back first.

Wait a second. Do I know you?

I'm Louise Maitland.

I'm the person who uses your lab table every day

fourth period and get stuck cleaning up the mess you leave.

Well, thanks. You're doing a fine job.

No, thank you.

Here's a little token of my appreciation.

Ooh. My God.

This smells like rotten eggs. What is it?

Rotten eggs.

It's your lunch from last Tuesday.

Wow, can you believe that, uh

that pushy, uh, obnoxious, nauseating--

- Cute. - Cute person. Cute?

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

So, sometimes when it comes to historical events

the people who were actually there were the last

to realize the historical significance.

Say, uh, it's June 28, 1914.

You're in town for the big parade.

Sarajevo is jumping

and you hear this loud sound, a bang!

And do you think

"Well, it's just a car backfiring?"

Or do you think "Wait, that might just be the gunshot

that will start something called World War I?"

Woodstock.

I mean, I thought I was going to a concert.

And I didn't realize I would be attending

a water shed event that would define my generation.

You were at Woodstock?

Yeah. I, I stayed awake for three days in a row.

You saw Sha Na Na live?

Did you get naked?

Well, I, I don't really know for sure.

[bell ringing]

See you later.

- Alright, I got it. - What?

For our science project, we'll study the effects

of sleep deprivation.

- How are we gonna do that? - Gotta get a rat.

[instrumental music]

Uh, excuse me, Dr. Samuels.

We were wondering if you could help us

with our science project.

Well, certainly, son.

I was quite a science maven when I was a lad.

Now, how can I help you?

Uh, go without sleep for three days in a row.

No problem.

- Great. - Thanks.

Once I get my eight hours at night, I'll be fine.

[instrumental music]

Nice job. You missed a spot.

It says, "Blunden is a toxic waste chump."

I tried. I couldn't get that off.

I used indelible ink.

Ever tried disappearing ink?

Will it work on you?

[chuckles]

Were you just born this way

or were you raised by piranhas?

You've been a lovely contestant.

Now, why don't you take your parting gifts

and go annoy someone else?

No, you go annoy someone else.

I got important things to do.

Oh, like when you told the freshman class

it was underwear on the head day?

I thought that was pretty funny.

So did I.

You did?

Yeah, in an asinine way.

[instrumental music]

- Morning, Dr. Samuels. - Ha.

- I said, "Good morning." - You did?

Yes. Then you said, "Ha."

Please, don't play games, Miss Meara.

I didn't sleep all night.

- I'm sorry. Indigestion? - Hmm. Not this time.

Engen and Blunden asked me to volunteer

for their sleep deprivation project.

It got me to thinking

exactly how do I get to sleep?

I was up all night thinking about that.

How about some coffee?

No, thanks. I'll just have some coffee.

So once again we see that corruption

transcends mere political party allegiances.

And in fact.. Hi. How are you?

In fact, people who never would've been eligible

seem to be getting these sweetheart deals

from the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Also known as the welfare agency for the rich and greedy.

Well, at least we're givin' money to people

who know what to do with it.

Alan, that's just like you.

Your lips are flappin', but your brain is nappin'.

Mr. Moore, do I have to sit here

and be insulted by Mrs. Yahoo Serious?

Yeah. Go ahead.

Alan, wh-why don't you check out

the Port Authority Bus Terminal at 1:00 in the morning

when the stairwells are jam-packed

with people looking for any kind of warm place to crash?

T.J. brings up a very interesting point.

What does it mean to call our economy healthy

when more people than ever before are living

below the poverty line?

You getting all those stuffs?

Mm-hmm. Poverty. Bad.

Yeah. Nice little hearts and bunnies though.

- I'm a little distracted. - Mm-hmm.

[bell ringing]

Well, this is still a serious subject, Dennis.

In fact, uh, I'd like an essay from each of you

on this subject by Monday, alright?

I'll give you an essay on poverty

and it won't be from a library.

I know people who are homeless.

Okay. Do it. See you then.

- Bye. - Bye.

Mr. Moore?

You know, uh, Louise Maitland?

Yeah, she's in my third period history class.

Yeah.

Well, I think I'm about to make a little history of my own.

I think she likes me.

- Hence the hearts and bunnies. - Right.

- So? - So?

Why would she like me?

What do you think her game is, Mr. Moore?

Do you think she wants to borrow money from me, or, uh

maybe she wants to steal the science project idea--

I, I don't think she's that kind of girl.

A guy can't be too careful.

Well, uh, why not just relax and see where it takes you?

This could be it.

You see, I've never had a steady girlfriend before.

From what I've heard, you've never had a date before.

Thank you for pointing that out.

She is special.

We're great together.

I mean, who would've thought that my first girlfriend

could end up being the future Mrs. Dennis Blunden?

Wait. One day at a time, okay?

Um, why not start by asking her out on a date?

A date?

Why didn't I think of that?

[instrumental music]

Hey, Maitland, hangin' out with all your friends?

No, I'm entertaining your fan club.

So, what do annoying people do on the weekends?

I don't know. You tell me.

I don't know, in your case, maybe you'd go to a movie

'cause it would be dark and no one could tell

you don't have a date.

Yeah, sure. Like you always have a date.

Hey, the only reason I don't is because my taste in movies

happens to run a little too sophisticated for the masses.

Oh, what? Like "Planet Of The Apes?"

No, my favorite happens to be

"Escape From Planet Of The Apes."

Do you know it's playing at the Film--

Film Farm at 7:00. Yeah.

I was thinking of going.

Yeah, I-I, I might stop by.

I, I guess we could go together?

- I guess we could. - Where do you live?

Look, why don't we just meet out in front of the theatre, okay?

- Fine. - Fine.

I'm, uh, looking forward to it.

Me too.

- Bye. - Bye.

Bye.

I did it!

I have the first date of my entire life!

- That's nice. - "Nice?" It's fantastic!

Well..

Oh, we're just good friends.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Morning, Dennis. - Oh, hi, Louise.

[chuckles]

Dennis.

Is this your idea of cute?

A rubber hand with a dead flower in it?

So what do you do for an encore?

How about this?

Does this squirt?

[chuckles] No. Just don't get too attached to it.

I've gotta get it back to the hospital

before mom misses it.

- You're kidding. - Yes, I'm kidding.

Uh, listen, uh, Louise..

...there's somethin' I forgot to do this weekend.

- What? - Um..

- You forgot? - I, uh, didn't have the guts.

Aww.

[applauding]

What did she do, Dennis? Swallow a quarter?

[laughing]

Darlene, stop it.

I think they're just adorable.

It's like an ad for breath mints.

Oh, thank you. Thank you all very much. Show's over.

Bye, Louise.

(all) Bye, Louise.

Well, Dennis, if you're quite through osculating..

...we've gotta talk.

Yeah, Arvid. What's up?

Our time is up. Our science project's due in a few days.

We don't even know what it is yet.

Just relax. I've been kinda busy.

So we noticed.

Dennis, maybe you should slow down a little.

- Why? - Well..

What do you really know about her?

Where does she live?

I don't know. We always meet somewhere.

Dennis, something's not right about her.

For example, have you ever noticed

the clothes that she wears?

Yeah, she wears skirts and T-shirts. So what?

Yeah, Dennis, practically the same ones every day.

Yeah, she did something really weird last week.

She took food home from the cafeteria.

I mean, who do you know who takes school food home?

You know, Richie Jio Donald used to go out with her.

Till we saw her get out of a parked car

at 6:00 in the morning.

Richie Jio Donald's on parole.

Why should I believe anything he has to say?

Yeah, Dennis is right, and besides I like Louise.

Well, we're only concerned about you, Dennis.

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

- Hi, Charlie. - Hi.

Oh, I'm gonna need your grade for Louise Maitland.

- Okay. - She's cute, isn't she?

Yeah, she's cute.

Dennis Blunden's crazy about her.

Well, I hope he's not too crazy.

Of course, too crazy. Why?

Well, her dad just called. She's transferring out of state.

Okay, okay, you just tighten this down.

And there you go.

A fully operational mouse-sized

sensory deprivation chamber.

You know, it's an honor having a future Nobel Prize winner

help me build a rat motel.

It's what I live for.

Hey, uh, Louise

what do you say I come over to your house tonight

and help you study for your science test?

Yeah. We could do that.

Or better yet, I'll come over to yours.

No, I, I really wanted to meet your parents.

Uh, I promise no armpit noises.

Dennis, I think maybe we've been spending

too much time together.

W-wait-wait, what are you talking about?

I just, I wanna be honest with you.

I think we've been getting too close too fast.

Well, yeah, but, you know

that's what being in love's all about.

Getting too close too fast.

I just can't handle that, Dennis.

Oh. I see, I see.

You're, uh, dumping me.

I didn't say that.

Well, you didn't say, "Let's spend the rest

of our lives together," either.

There are some things you just don't understand.

[scoffs] Yeah, like what I ever saw in you in the first place.

[instrumental music]

Louise.

Changed your locker so you could avoid me?

Dennis, this isn't a good time, okay?

Speakin' of good times, did you have one last night?

Last night? Last night I helped T.J.

write a paper for Mr. Moore.

Oh, is that what you were doing at that hotel?

Or-or maybe you were just doing your research there?

- You followed me? - Maybe.

You had no right to follow me.

You're still following me.

You met someone else. I saw you. You met some guy.

Oh, so you naturally thought that--

You went in with him, didn't you?

What do you expect me to think?

Do you know what kind of people live in places like that?

Yes, I do.

Hey, uh, Dennis, I'd like to talk to you

about Louise Maitland.

Forget about Louise. I have.

Well, you guys were right.

About what, Dennis?

About Louise.

I followed her home last night.

I don't wanna go into details

but let's just say she's no good.

So you guys happy?

That's too bad, man. At least, you found out sooner than later.

No good? You're no good, Blunden.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions, Dennis.

I saw with my own eyes.

She went into a seedy hotel with some guy.

Some guy?

Did this guy have brown hair, glasses

and a Metallica T-shirt?

- Yeah. - You jerk.

That was her brother.

[bell ringing]

Look, uh, why don't we just get started?

T.J., I'd like you to read your report.

You got it.

"What it's like to be homeless?"

Wait a minute. T.J. isn't homeless.

Yeah, Mr. Moore, do we have to listen--

Whoa. Read on.

First, the statistics.

"The National Coalition on the homeless says

"there are about three million homeless people in America.

"According to New York City's Homeless Services

"about 27,000 people are given shelter every night.

"One of those people is my friend.

"She and her family are homeless.

"Oh, they have a roof over their heads

"but it's a roof of a welfare hotel.

'"And a place you hardly call a real home.'

"For her, bein' home is just bein' uprooted every few weeks

"as you're moved from shelter to shelter, if you're lucky.

"For her, bein' homeless means bein' a 17-year-old girl

"who thinks a change of clothes is a luxury, security a joke

and a steady boyfriend an impossibility."

Mr. Moore.

'"Just because someone sleeps on the sidewalk'

doesn't mean that's where they choose to sleep."

Louise.

Louise, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Yeah. So?

Y-you could've told me.

You don't have to be ashamed of your family.

Ashamed? The last thing I'm ashamed of is my family.

I-I'm sorry. I, I meant your predicament.

Yeah, well, my father lost his job and then he got sick

so he doesn't have medical insurance.

It busted us.

My mother, she tried working part-time

but you can't support a family on minimum wage.

So we ended up living in our car

and now, we live in a shelter.

And now we're moving again.

You see, my dad might get this job in Akron so..

So...you're leaving.

Just like that.

Just like that.

I had a good time with you and..

It took my mind off a lot of stuff.

For a while it was almost like having a normal life.

Oh, come on, Louise.

Th-th-there's gotta be something we can do.

I'm gonna miss you, Blunden.

Goodbye.

[sighs] Hi.

- She left. - I know.

- Wish I were dead. - Dennis.

Mr. Moore, you don't understand this time.

A terrible thing has happened to me. This is really awful.

Well, let-let's look at what happened.

Now, you went out on a date.

And you discovered that you were...lovable.

And, and then she left.

I know that. It's not helping.

Let's just face it, Mr. Moore.

My life is a disaster.

Your life? Your life is not a disaster, Dennis.

Hers is.

If you're trying to make me feel better

you're doin' a lousy job.

Dennis, if you wanna feel better, go home and listen

to Frank Sinatra records.

I-if you wanna feel good

try doing something about all this.

Nothing I can do is gonna bring Louise back here..

Oh, y-you're talking about changing the world, right?

Well, maybe just one little bit of it, yeah.

Yeah, well, I-I'm not good at stuff like that.

[scoffs] There are a lot of people who are, Dennis.

You could help them.

You know, there are volunteer groups, church organizations.

A lot of people are trying to help the homeless.

Now, you could...lobby Congress.

You could put pressure on City Hall.

I mean, you're the guy that led the big

cafeteria food revolt last year.

Come on, Dennis. You're smart.

Find out what you can do.

I mean, none of it is gonna bring Louise back.

But at least you'd be working on something

other than a broken heart.

- I can try. - Yeah.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks for the beans.

Dennis. Here.

Arvid, Arvid, they're homeless, not tasteless.

There are homeless nerds too, you know.

Thanks, Arvid.

Dr. Samuels, you wanna donate something for the homeless?

Sure. Do you realize I haven't slept in a week?

Well, at least you know where you can't sleep.

You-you haven't slept, Dr. Samuels, how do you feel?

- I'm hallucinating. - 'You are?'

I keep seeing my wife in a tub

full of Jell-O playing submarine.

"Dive!

Whoop, whooka, whooka!"

I got pains in my arms, in my legs, in my hair.

- Hair. - Hair.

[theme music]