Original subtitles

[theme music]

- Ms. Meara? - 'Yeah?'

Did you watch "America's Most Wanted" last night?

No, no, I-I watched "Wuthering Heights."

Yeah, well, last night on "America's Most Wanted"

they did a thing on this masked murderer.

The Idaho hiker hacker. Ten victims.

- They showed a picture. - So?

Well, call me crazy

but it looked like Charlie Moore!

Oh, please!

Morning.

Something wrong?

No! Oh, no. No, no. No.

Here's the info on the new kids in your honors class.

Aha-ha! Fresh blood.

I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear it.

I don't wanna hear it!

- Hi, everybody. Welcome back. - Hey, Mr. Moore.

- How was your summer? - I had a great summer.

- 'Oh, good!' - And you?

Oh, we were just talking about what we did this summer.

Yeah, uh, Sugar Loaf Writers' Project, huh?

- Was it great? - Oh, great.

- Let me tell you what she did. - What I did?

Mr. Moore, let me tell you what he did.

Well, let me tell you what I did.

Among other things, I took a solemn vow

not to be involved in your love life.

- Hi, guys. - Gross!

- Arvid! - Arvid!

(Arvid) I went to math camp.

I'm allergic to air.

[gasping] Dennis!

What?

Uh, Dennis worked in a pizza parlor over the summer

and he accidentally ate a few.

Gee, Dennis, maybe you should consider

going to a weight-loss center.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Maybe you can get a group rate.

Eric, that's not gonna help.

No, no, no, Mr. Moore, it's okay.

Actually, I've gotten to the point where I like fat jokes.

I mean, they're funny, they're clever

and they're about me.

In fact, I have gotten so fat, when I step on a scale, it says

"One at a time, please."

Dennis, you know, I don't believe for one moment

that you actually enjoy being the butt..

Oh, my butt's so big, I could moon Europe.

...of your own jokes.

I'm tellin' you, it's okay!

Everybody knows fat people don't have feelings. Right?

Well, additionally, you should be concerned about your health.

Dennis, I hate what you're doing to yourself.

I mean, you're starting to violate building codes.

[mumbles] T-that's not what I mean.

I-I'm not trying to say that you..

You could sing "We Are The World" all by yourself.

No, no, no. No, let me put it another way!

- Alright! - "Alright" what?

Alright, I'll lose the weight.

Good, Dennis, you gotta commit yourself.

Now.

- 'Oh!' - 'Oh, my God!'

Whoo!

- Oh, oh, my! - Dennis, look at you! Whoa!

- 'Dennis!' - 'Dennis, you look great!'

- Gee, Dennis, you're so thin! - Yeah.

Yeah, in fact, you're so thin--

L-leave it alone, Eric. Leave it alone.

Hey, I figured if Oprah Winfrey can do it, why not me?

Oh, Dennis, I'm so proud of you.

[indistinct chatter]

Hi. Can I help you?

- Is this honors history? - Yeah.

- You're Mr. Moore, right? - Yeah.

- I'm Alex Torres. I'm new. - Ah.

Uh, listen up, everybody.

[Moore clears throat]

I am gonna love it here.

[school bell ringing]

Okay, while you're sitting down

I have some announcements to make.

Uh, Mr. Moore, where's Jawaharlal?

Well, that's one of the announcements.

Um, Jawaharlal's family has moved to California.

'Business opportunities.'

I'm sure we all wish him well, huh?

[indistinct chatter]

Now, this is Al Torres.

And he's gonna be joining us.

And, uh, why don't you just take center stage

and tell us all about yourself, Al?

Sure. Um..

My name is Alex Torres. My friends call me Alex.

Nobody calls me Al. Okay?

I've been going to parochial school all my life.

Nice people, great education, but all boys.

See, this is my senior year.

I mean, that's eleven years without girls.

'So I said to my mother, I said, "Ma, please'

I wanna go to a public school."

She says, "No, you go to parochial school.

No drugs, no fights and you go to mass every day."

I said, "But, ma," I said

"There's nobody pretty to look at.

'"No one in silky clothes with soft skin'

'who smells good."'

And she says, "No." I say, "Ma, please!" She says, "No!"

I said, "Ma, please?" She says, "No!"

I said, "Ma, it's free."

She says, "Okay, only if you get into honors class."

So here I am and, uh, it looks great already.

Well, I'm sure we're all glad

to have you with us, Al...ex.

Hm. Thanks.

Wait a minute, Mr. Moore, where's Janice?

- Yeah. - 'Oh, yeah.'

Harvard.

- Harvard? - Harvard?

Janice and her parents decided

that she'd accomplished enough here

so she's moved on to college.

Oh. Do you know what this means?

It means when I'm a freshman at Harvard

Janice will be a sophomore.

She's a sophomore now.

Little Janice is gone?

Well, I can still see her sitting next to Darlene.

Mm, yeah. I wanna cry.

- I want her seat. - Okay.

You know, I-I saw you were lookin' at me.

Believe me, I was not looking at you.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore, Maria's not here.

- I'm aware of that, Alan. - Didn't you hear, Alan?

Maria got accepted to the high school for the performing arts.

Maria decided she was born to sing.

I don't believe it.

T.J., you finally found somebody with worse hair than yours.

You look good, Dennis.

Now try a new personality.

Ah, T.J.

- Hi, Mr. Moore. - Hi.

- This here is Aristotle. - Right.

Aristotle, uh, "McKenzie."

How many Aristotles you got in here?

Well, it's just that we've got a Socrates McKenzie

and a Plato McKenzie, so..

You passed. I like that.

[chuckles]

Thank you, T.J.

- Uh, he's late. - Yes, I know.

So what you're gonna do about it?

Boil 'em.

- Thank you. - Oh, I see.

Anybody and his uncle can get into this class, except me.

T.J., I'm sure that Dr. Samuels is wondering where you are.

Well, he knows I'm not in the IHP, that's for sure.

And who's he?

This is Alex Torres. He's a new student.

Another one?

[scoffs] Uh, you got a problem?

Beautiful girls, they're everywhere.

I mean, it's unbelievable.

Are you flirting with me?

- Yeah, I guess I am. - Oh. Whoo-hoo.

Well, Aristotle, according to this

you transferred from Performing Arts High School. Why?

My mom said, "Get a life." She said, "Do something real."

Like, a doctor or a lawyer or somethin'

so I gotta do this and I gotta do college to make her happy.

Well, what makes you happy?

Oh, film making, writing, acting, painting.

Really? Well, uh, keeping up in here makes me happy.

I'll keep up. I'll fit right in.

- Good. And you'll be on time. - Oh, I can explain that.

See, I listen to this radio station

uh, WRAP in the mornin'.

Two tunes and I'm havin' breakfast

two more and I'm out the door..

Hey, that's cool!

♪ Tune number five I'm on Riverside Drive ♪

♪ I won't be late if I'm here by tune eight ♪♪

Yeah!

Unfortunately, my mother changed the radio to a opera station.

Yeah, those songs are really long, so it kinda set me back.

Well, you'd make an opera from this riff if you had a chance

but to me, it sounds like the same old song and dance.

♪ So why don't you chill out and sit yourself down? ♪

♪ We can start the class no more messin' around ♪

♪ Shick-shick shi-shi-shick whoo-whoo ♪♪

[cheering]

Alright, I'm real excited about this year

'and I know we're gonna have a lot of fun, but..'

Uh, excuse me, Al.

It's Alex.

It's Eric and that's my girlfriend, Simone.

- Eric, please. - Oh, yeah, Eric, please.

- Al, Al, Al, Al, Al-- - Eric, Eric, Eric.

Al, Al, Al, Alex!

'Alex, Eric, Alex.'

- 'Hey, she's really--' - 'Wait, you two.'

Hi!

Hi.

- Hi. Eric. How you doin'? - Alright.

- Welcome. Alex. - Mr. Moore.

Boy, I sense a lot of positive energy.

I think I'm gonna like it here.

- 'Good.' - Good.

Thank you, gentlemen.

- And you are? - Oh. Viki Amory.

Right. Well, welcome, Viki, come on in.

Uh, everybody, this is Viki.

- V-I-K-I. - Right.

[chuckles] Of course, it's right.

I should know how to spell my own name.

[laughing]

Since that is all we know about you, Viki

how you spell your name

why don't you, uh, tell us some more?

Oh, well, my father was transferred here from Florida

so here I am.

Great, beautiful!

- Marvelous! - Wonderful!

- 'Marvelous.' - Wonderful!

You know, uh, uh

I-I'm sure that everyone is curious

about your other interests.

You know, hobbies, things like that.

- Oh! - Right, girls?

Well, I'm really into health

and new-age things like crystals and channeling.

That's fascinating!

- You know, I read-- - Arvid, shut up.

Go ahead, Viki.

Oh, and animal rights.

I mean, animals are people, too, aren't they?

- Oh! Absolutely. - That's wonderful.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Um, Viki, among your hobbies, I noticed

you left out nuclear physics.

Oh, that was last year. Now I'm kinda into quantum.

You know, like, wave-particle duality, stuff like that.

Wait a minute.

You mean, like, uh, Feynman diagrams

and the Heisenberg uncertainty principle?

Are you kidding? I love junk like that. It's my main thing.

[chuckles]

Junk like that's my main thing, too.

- That's great. Really? - Yeah, really.

[chuckles] I-it's my main thing, too, you know?

Fellows, fellows!

Listen, history is my main thing, okay?

And I love sharing it with you.

So sit! Okay?

Yeah, Viki, you can sit here.

- Thanks. - If I may..

Boy, this is a cute class.

Well, we try.

[chuckles]

Now, uh, first semester

we're gonna focus on the cause and effect--

Here are the nutritional reports

and your revised attendance record.

And where did you come from?

Florida.

- You in the honors program? - I guess so, yeah.

That's it, no more talking

no more begging, no more pleading.

No more writing new essays to impress you.

I'm sitting right here until they let me in this class.

- Aw.. - T.J..

This is not the way to deal with this problem.

- Oh, yes, it is! - No.

- It isn't. - Yes, it is!

- Excuse me, Mr. Moore. - What?

I want you to understand this is nothing personal.

I'm only doing in all conscience what I must do

as principal of this school.

- And as a citizen. - What?

I'm sure everything will check out just fine!

What?

I was watching this, uh, TV show

"America's Most Wanted."

Well, I, I wrestled with my conscience

and then I picked up the phone.

There's a gentleman in my office from the police department.

He would like to ask you a few questions

about a few, uh, dead campers.

What?

There is no way Mr. Moore killed anybody.

[indistinct chatter]

I like this better than my old school.

I mean, they hardly ever arrest nuns.

[laughs]

First day in remedial

they arrested my whole row, mm.

Oh, I don't wanna hear this.

It's obviously a big mix-up.

- 'Yeah.' - Oh, yeah?

What do you people really know about this Mr. Moore character?

Enough to know that he did not kill anybody.

- That's right. - Yeah.

Our Mr. Moore wouldn't hurt a fly.

- Nope. - This guy didn't hurt flies.

He hacked people to death in their tents.

Well, they should've stayed in hotels.

Well, he looked like a nice-enough guy

but I guess you never know, huh?

No! No, we know!

Look, this is our class and Mr. Moore is our teacher

so don't start accusing him of murder!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Hey, the man's just saying keep an open mind.

You new people come charging in here

condemning Mr. Moore. Who do you think you are?

- 'Yeah!' - 'Really.'

I'm Viki Amory. I come from Florida and--

She doesn't mean who are you.

She means who are you.

Viki Amory. I come from--

(all) We know!

She's in this class and I'm not?

Man, you new kids have a lotta nerve

comin' in here talkin' trash about Mr. Moore.

Who is T.J. to talk about us?

She doesn't even belong in this class. Is that correct?

- 'Yes, she does!' - 'Yeah.'

Well, if I gotta look like a Muppet to get in here.

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, uh, once again

for the new students in class and for the old students

who may be wondering

my name is Charlie Moore.

I am not the Idaho hiker hacker.

- Told you! - See?

That's good 'cause my mother would never let me go

on one of your field trips.

[laughs]

Well, I promise you

my exam on the 16th Amendment is a killer.

Hey, I know that one. That's the income tax.

That's the amendment that introduced

the federal income tax, right?

Oh, you forgot to tell us the year.

1913. Don't mess with me on the Constitution.

I got it covered.

Well, aren't you just ready for "Final Jeopardy?"

- What for? - Look, uh..

You boys seem to have a problem here.

So why don't we get it out in the open now?

They've been doing numbers on each other ever since you left.

[laughs] And you're still here.

Yeah! I'm still here. And I've had it, see?

'Cause, like, I'm here to get an education

not waste my time bickering with people

who are too stupid to put aside their personal differences

and start learnin' somethin'.

So go ahead, Mr. Moore, teach.

I-I believe you were gonna start with an overview?

Okay, point one of my overview.

You are not a member of this class.

- But, Mr. Moore, I've tried-- - No, no, look!

I'd like to have you in here, I like you, T.J.

but there are certain requirements

you've yet to fulfil.

- Name one. - You're still in remedial.

So? I'm in remedial.

Is that supposed to haunt me for the rest of my life?

What is this? "Les Miserables?"

(Charlie) Look.

You wanna be in this class, seriously

you get out of remedial, you get into regular classes

you maintain an A-average for two months.

- A-average? Huh. I can do that. - Well..

No cutting classes, no discipline problems.

Hey, relax, everybody. I think she'll blow it on attitude.

- Now listen here. - Oh..

Thank you so much for your interest.

And please..

...have a nice day.

Save my seat.

Actually, I have something.

I want you to go upstairs to the camera club.

You know, Ms. Schraff runs the photography department.

Get me a camera with a flash unit and some film.

- What for? - I'm gonna take a picture.

Oh.

[scoffs] Nice move, Mr. Moore.

I mean, let's face it, she does not belong in here.

Whoa, slow down, senator.

T.J.'s smart, she's interesting and I know she'll work hard.

I mean, why shouldn't she have the chance to be in this class?

Why? You have to ask why?

Because we have standards, that's why.

- 'Well..' - Excellent point.

- Oh, Dennis! - If we start..

If we start letting anybody in..

Excuse me.

- Hello? - You don't know..

Now, this isn't really about T.J. being in this class.

- Is it? - No.

No, I guess it's not.

Well?

[chuckles]

It's our class, Mr. Moore.

It was our class even before you were here.

And now three of us are gone and three strangers are here.

Well, I'm not accustomed to using such language

but I guess we're all just freaking.

Mr. Moore, we were a unit

a team of really together, academic over-achievers.

And all of a sudden three of our friends are gone

and we're sitting here next to la bamba and la bimbo.

And an extra from "Do The Right Thing."

Okay. Now listen to me.

Janice and Jawaharlal, and Maria have moved on

for their own reasons and we accept that.

Now we have three new students and we should accept them.

- Can I say something? - 'Sure.'

This ain't your class.

I mean, this is a public high school

in the city of New York

a municipality to which my parents pay taxes

which, by the way, pays for his salary, your books and her desk.

I mean, I've passed all the tests, got all the grades.

And I belong here just as much as anybody.

And by the way, so does he and so does she.

I mean, it's a privilege to be in here, but you don't own it.

- Sorry, Mr. Moore. - No, no, go on.

Well, it's important for me to be in this class.

I got a lot of things I wanna achieve.

Yeah, her, her and her.

That's not why I'm in here.

I'm in here because my parents can't afford

parochial school anymore

and I need to be in a good school.

I mean, I wanna go on and become an archeologist.

I-I wanna study ancient civilizations

a-and I wanna go to Machu Pichu

Stonehenge a-and Easter Island.

That is a great idea. Go now!

Look, I'm here and I'm stayin' here.

And if you guys don't like it, well, that's too bad.

And if you girls don't like it

well, I think I'll have to kill myself.

I have to add my voice to this.

[scoffs] I'd be surprised if you didn't.

Thank you.

I love this.

The hostility, the clash between the old and the new..

...the love triangle..

...the Idaho hiker hacker. Yeah.

- Get to the point. - 'Yeah.'

I'm an artist.

I need tension, polarity, conflict.

I need to suffer. You know what I mean?

I'm saying...I love you

for hating me with open arms.

[Moore chuckles]

Well, thank you, Aristotle. That was refreshing.

Oh. Is it my turn to say something?

Yes, but you don't have to.

Oh, okay, thanks.

Okay.

Well, I trust we all see--

I think that it's our collective karma

that's brought us here together

at this moment in time on this our planet Earth.

To experience together

whatever it is we're supposed to experience.

And I've had a lot of experience with the experience.

My family moves around all the time.

I'm always the new kid in class.

The boys always like me, but for some reason

the girls don't.

But just when everybody finally gets to know the real me

it's time for me to move on to my next experience.

So just this once, I'd like to make friends early

so that I could enjoy the experience

before I leave the experience..

...for another experience.

Well, thank you, Viki.

Uh, Aristotle, Alex, you all spoke eloquently.

Certainly from the heart.

You know, I-I was once new in this class

and these people made me feel quite welcome..

...eventually.

I'm sure that given a chance they'll do the same for you.

I would like to say something.

Welcome to our class.

- Ha-ha-ha. - Alright.

- You, too. Welcome. - Cool.

And to you, I would like to extend

a really big, traditional IHP welcome.

- 'Yeow.' - Boo!

- Thanks. - Eric's got the right idea.

Welcome.

Hey!

Isn't anybody gonna kiss me?

Oh, that's cool. I'll wait.

Okay, come on, it's time for a class picture.

Up against the wall, everybody.

'Okay, you're gonna have to squeeze in real close now.'

Come on! Get together.

Eric, why don't you be next to Simone, okay?

- 'Get really close.' - Okay.

Somebody fill us in down..

T.J., why don't you get over there?

Me, too?

Well, by the time this gets in the yearbook

you'll be in the class. Come on.

Word!

(Moore) 'Alright, everybody, give me a big smile now--'

Excuse me, Mr. Moore, once again I wanna beg you for..

- Look-- - What's going on here?

Well, it's perfect, okay?

It's all in focus. You just push the button, okay?

Oh! What a swell idea!

[chuckles] Alright. Hey, everybody, smile now!

'Look happy!'

[instrumental music]

- See you tomorrow. - Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Mr. Moore? - Yeah.

We'd just like to say thank you for helping us fit in today.

I mean, they're really not a bad bunch of kids.

Yeah, I kinda like 'em. Heh.

I feel like this whole experience is something

that I'm going to relive over and over again

in future lives.

I often feel that way myself. Ha-ha.

Don't worry, Mr. Moore, I'll be on time and on top

and I won't cause anymore trouble

than anybody else in this class.

Now that is really a frightening thought.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]