Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

One final little point on the war in the Pacific, um..

The raising of the flag in Iwo Jima..

[screams] Oh, my God!

There's a spider on my desk!

- Get it off! - Hang on!

Look out! Look out!

[yells]

- Oh! - 'Oh!'

- Ew! Dennis! - Ew!

Guys, it's just licorice.

Come on. Who wants some?

Dennis, this is the last warning, okay?

Now, one more gag, one more word, one peep out of you

and you're gone, you're out of my history class.

- You got it? - Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

Spider?

No, of course not.

(Charlie) 'So, uh, where was I?'

Uh, the raising of the flag on Iwo Jima

that was reenactment.

The photographer had to ask the marines to do it over again

because he missed it the first time.

I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

I missed it the first time.

[laughing]

That's it, Dennis. You're gone. You're outta here.

[school bell rings]

Well, there's the bell. I think we're all outta here.

No, no, you're, you're gone.

You are out of my history class.

Mr. Moore, come on. I'm sorry, I got a little carried away.

It won't happen again, I promise.

I know it won't happen again.

Goodbye, Dennis.

Come on. One little joke, it just slipped out.

Please do the same.

Well, you sure put a scare into him, Mr. Moore.

You know, it's about time.

I can't wait to see him come back

with his tail between his legs.

No, he's not coming back into this history class.

You're not really busting him from the IHP, are you?

You're just teaching him a little lesson, aren't you?

Look, Dennis is out for your good.

He's out for his good.

He's out for good.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[giggling]

G-get to your seat.

[whispers] Hey. Shh. Shh. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

[school bell ringing]

- Okay, good morning, everyone. - Morning.

To start out, who can tell me something about

General Joseph Stilwell?

Nobody, huh? Uh, okay.

Vinegar Joe Stilwell earned his nickname--

Mr. Moore, before you start, if I could take a minute..

I just wanna tell you that I've had a chance

to think over the way I behaved in class yesterday

and...boy, was I out of line.

I want to apologize to you, to the entire class

and give you my sincere, sincere promise

that this will never ever happen again.

Dennis, I'm sure we all appreciate it.

I know it'll never happen again.

Great. See?

Excuse me, Mr. Moore

I have Dennis' new history assignment here.

- Good. - What?

Dennis, you're now in Mr. Tarrash's first period

remedial history class.

- Tarrash's.. - Remedials?

Remedial?

Dennis, it's the only other

history class in first period.

What?

Fillmore can't rearrange the schedule

just to accommodate you.

Yeah, but...remedial?

Mr. Moore..

[laughs]

Oh, God! You got me scared!

This is a joke!

[laughs]

Whoo! I was worried there for a second.

Alright, where were we? Joe Stilwell

Joe Still..

This is not a joke?

[whispers] Remedial?

[whispers] Remedial.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[grunting]

Well, what've we got here?

Uh, wrong classroom. Got to go.

Not so fast, bozo.

- Uh, the name's Dennis. - Whatever.

Hey, guys, you know, I've never even seen an IHP nerd

up this close before.

[chuckling]

You're actually kinda funny lookin'.

- Uh, thank you. - I know him.

He's a friend of Arvid's.

Rhonda! Hi. Let's have lunch.

Could you ask your friend to back off, please?

I said I knew you, I didn't say I liked you.

Oh, uh, Jeff, right?

Remember me? Dennis Blunden, I was you peer counsellor.

Oh, yeah, dude, you're the one that gave me the advice

about not cleanin' up my room.

Yeah, how'd that work out?

Uh, not so good. I'm living in the car now.

Okay, uh, well, I bet you can play the radio

as loud as you like, right?

Tiny, let him go.

Or it's you and me in the streets after school.

(all) 'Ooh.'

No problem, T.J., I was just, um..

...having some fun with him, you know, that's all.

Well, well, well. Lo, how the mighty hath fallen!

Imagine, Big Baby Blunden on the Planet Remedial.

T.J., I know I'm in trouble, but I'm happy to see you.

Can the wise cracks and do what I say.

You might get out of here alive.

Okay. Thanks for the advice.

[school bell ringing]

Blunden! Get off my desk!

Oh, I forgot to tell you, don't sit on his desk.

- Thanks. - Good morning, class.

[indistinct chatter]

- Can't hear you. - Good morning, Mr. Tarrash!

Still can't hear all of you.

Blunden.

Now that you're in my class, you will do

what my class does, you got it?

So I should move my lips when I read?

- Shut up. - Dennis.

Make a note of the time, class.

Dennis Blunden just made his last

wise-guy remark in this room.

Okay.

Now, what were we studying yesterday?

Bates.

- Bates! - What?

Forget it, just stick with the video games.

There's a great future in it. T.J.

The American Revolutionary War.

(Tarrash) Right.

And who were we Americans fighting? You, Scum.

Scum, come on, I'm talkin' to you.

What, what are you, deaf?

Hey, come on, the guy may not be

the brightest guy in the world

but let him have some dignity.

Scum is his name.

Not anymore. I changed it again.

- What is it this week? - Scab!

[laughs]

Okay.

Scab, who were the Americans fighting?

Um...the commies?

The British! Who were the Americans fighting?

- The British. - Who?

- 'The British.' - 'Who?'

- The British. - Good.

Well, I'm confused now.

I thought we were fighting the English.

Call security. Somebody stole his brain.

So, tell us, Mr. Blunden

why were we fighting the British?

Why?

Well, in the words of Samuel Adams, uh

resident and patriot of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts--

Forget that. In here, we keep it simple.

We were fighting the British because they put a tax on tea.

Got that class?

(all) A tax on tea.

- That's right. - Wait.

We went to war for attacks on tea?

Right.

I thought we went to war

for attacks on Pearl Harbor.

[instrumental music]

Mr. Moore, this has gone far enough.

Blunden has learned his lesson.

He's apologized, it's time he's back

where he belongs in the IHP.

Thank you, Dr. Samuels.

I'm sorry, Mr. Moore, I didn't wanna have to call in

the big guns, but, you know,

a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.

Exactly, that's why this guy's gotta send you back

to remedial history.

You can't do this, I'm the principal.

No, I'm the teacher. Read the rulebook.

You better hurry, Dennis. Mr. Tarrash hates tardiness.

Dr. Samuels, are you gonna let this glorified substitute

push you around?

Stand up to him, don't be a worm!

- Sorry. - You heard Mr. Moore.

Mr. Tarrash hates tardiness.

[instrumental music]

Oh, well, here he is.

The King of Remedial.

Dennis, are you sure you wanna join us for Honors English?

Yeah, Dennis, Remedial Reading is starting

a new episode of "Spiderman" today.

And while we're in calculus

why not try remedial arithmetic?

Yeah, I'll help you out.

One plus one adds up to..

...two.

Et tu, Arvid?

That's good. Remedial Latin.

You know, you guys think you're so special.

Well, somebody oughta put you right in your place.

And who's gonna do it, the Remedials?

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, how about a challenge, huh?

The Remedials against the IHP.

- Oh, come on, Dennis. - Oh.

In what, breaking and entering?

(Dennis) 'No, in an academic competition.'

A question and answer face-off.

- Dennis, you're losing it. - Definitely, Dennis.

We'll see who's gonna lose it.

Are you guys in or, uh

don't you have the guts?

- Uh. - Come on.

- No, h-he's serious. - I'm serious.

Okay, alright, fine. You're on.

Fine. Okay.

- Fine. - Yeah, sure.

- I'll see you there. - Great.

If this is your newest gimmick to be get back in my class

Dennis, I gotta tell you, it's not gonna work.

This is not a gimmick.

We will meet on you on the field of battle.

Man for man, brain for brain

IHP against the Remedials.

Oh, God, what've I done?

[instrumental music]

Dennis, run this by me one more time, you what?

I challenged the IHP.

Alright! A rumble! We'll kill 'em.

We got the size. We got the weapons--

Hey, relax, this is not a rumble.

This is an academic competition. All we do is answer questions.

What gives you the right to make challenges for us?

You ain't even been here a week.

- Yeah. - Yes.

The guy's a joker. He's just pulling our chain.

Hey, come on, I have never been more serious.

Oh, yeah, right. You're serious?

This from a guy with a locker full of rubber chickens.

[laughing]

I am tellin' you, we can beat those guys.

I know the IHP and I know their weaknesses.

Yeah, and we know ours. We're dumb.

- 'Yeah.' - Yeah.

Oh, okay, so, that's what it takes

to be here in remedial? Being dumb?

No, but it helps.

[laughs]

- Scum. - Scab.

Scab, sorry.

- You're in a band, aren't you? - Yeah.

What are the notes in a C minor seventh Chord?

C, E flat, G, B flat.

Not too dumb.

Rhonda, you went on a date with Arvid.

Did you understand a word he said?

- Sure. - Okay.

You gotta be pretty smart for that.

- Tiny. - Look..

I ain't about to make a fool out of myself.

You guys are gonna be the laughing stock of Fillmore.

Yeah? Not if we win.

Jeff, how about you?

Count me in. Like, you're my hero, dude.

Okay, Blunden, I'm in too.

- Okay. Everybody? - If he's in, then I'm in.

Okay, we're in. We're gonna do it.

Just tell us what to do, man.

Okay, alright. Just listen, just listen.

The first thing we gotta do is pay attention

and listen to Tarrash.

- Woo, hoo-hoo. - Oh, wait.

I don't know if I can get into that, man.

Hey, come on, I know the guy's a jerk

but we need him. He's got a master's in history.

Okay, we'll try it. Everybody understand?

- Yeah. - We show Tarrash respect.

- Right. Yeah. - Right. Enthusiasm, huh?

Morning, class.

(all) Good morning, Mr. Tarrash.

Alright, what's goin' on here?

- Nothin', sir. - Yeah.

We're ready to learn, Mr. Tarrash.

That's right.

This is another one of your gags, isn't it, Blunden?

Okay, pal, you just bought yourself

a one-way ticket to detention.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Tarrash.

Oh, Mr. Moore, to what do we owe this surprise?

Well, I was hoping we could discuss

the rules of the academic competition

before you got your class started.

What academic competition?

Uh, I challenged the IHP to a match.

You what?

Mr. Moore, I wonder, could I see you in the hall

for just a moment?

Thank you so very much. And you too, Blunden!

Oh, man.

[hooting]

Hey, hey. Hey, let's.. Huh? Come on, you're late.

I don't think I don't know what's going on here, Moore.

This is all a set-up for you to

humiliate me in front of the school, right?

Look, Mr. Tarrash, uh, this was Dennis' idea.

Absolutely.

Oh, well, now I get the picture.

You threw Blunden outta your class

so he'd wind up in my class

so he could get my class to challenge

your class, right?

Right, and I'm the one that ordered the 14 pizzas

for you, last Halloween.

You put mayo in that, right?

Don't think I didn't know that.

Look, we'll make it a fair contest, okay?

We limit the number of questions

and we choose a subject of which both teams

could have equal knowledge.

Like what, the ABCs?

Well, I was thinking of the Revolutionary War.

- Say, the Battle of Saratoga. - Yeah!

I did my master's thesis on the Battle of Saratoga.

- I know that. - What's the catch?

There's no catch, Frank!

Look, you're an expert.

So, all you have to do is teach the kids in there

what you know.

Come on, Coach Tarrash. Give us a chance.

They wanna learn.

I don't believe it.

They said "Good morning" to you real nice, didn't they?

And they didn't even mutter anything under their breath.

Well, that's true.

Of course, if it's frightening to you, Frank..

Wait, no..

- Okay, Moore, you're on. - Alright! Hah!

Come on, Blunden. We got work to do.

[instrumental music]

End of 1776, the British have cracked professional troops.

'Well, we've got our small detachments of volunteers'

'and Washington's little army hangin' on'

by its teeth down in Pennsylvania..

Does that remind of anything?

Yeah, uh, the Americans are the Remedials

and the British are the IHP, right, dude?

You got it.

- Alright. - Yeah!

[instrumental music]

- Hi. - Hi.

Well, where is everybody?

I thought we'd scheduled at least one practice.

Oh, some of them felt they didn't need it.

Well, at least, the two of you showed up.

Well, actually, I came to tell you no one was coming.

[instrumental music]

Okay.

Ready!

Aim!

Fire!

[imitating gunfire]

Okay, General Gates, you got us this time.

Now, all us British can do is retreat.

Uh, but where do we retreat to?

- Freeman's Farm. - Great.

Remember that.

(Tarrash) Oh, well, let me show you one thing about depressions.

Tiny!

We need you over here. What are you doing?

I'm playing "Commando." You got a problem with that?

Yeah, I got a problem with that.

The Revolutionary War is a lot more exciting

than some stupid video game!

- Well, it is. - Forget it, Blunden.

You're wastin' your time with him.

Well, maybe, he ain't.

So, who's supposed to zap who here?

- Attaboy! - Yeah.

- Good. - Alright!

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Rhonda. - Hi, Arvid.

This is kinda funny, huh

meeting on the battlefield like this?

[chuckles] Even though you're the enemy, you're still cute.

Listen, uh..

I'd be happy to miss a question or two if you think it'll help.

Thanks, Arvid. But we just might beat the pants off of you.

Okay, the IHP against the Remedials.

This shouldn't take very long.

Elected topic will be Battle of Saratoga.

'Each team gets to question the other team in turn.'

'First team to score 25 points, wins.'

E-excuse me, Dr. Samuels.

To make sure that, uh, Dennis doesn't answer

all of the questions, we'd like to add a rule

that no one can answer more than three questions.

- Absolutely. - 'Right.'

Sure, fine, no problem.

You got it.

Should be outta here in five minutes.

Janice, first question.

Name the commander of the British forces in the campaign

and two of the officers who served under him.

[indistinct murmuring]

General Burgoyne, under him was General Fraser

and the Baron Von Riedesel.

Correct.

[cheering]

There will be no demonstrations, Remedials. Your question.

Okay, um..

Who was the British secretary for America at that time?

Lord Jeffrey Germain.

Close. Lord George Germain.

[cheering]

This is gonna be tougher than we thought.

[instrumental music]

Remedials, the first name of General Burgoyne?

Come on, T.J., Rhonda!

I've answered my three questions. Come on, think.

- Sorry, time's up. - Oh, man!

- Bemis Heights. - Yes.

A 100 miles, a 128 guns captured.

- Right. - Huh.

[instrumental music]

Brigadier General Simon Fraser.

- 'Correct.' - Mm.

Oh, no. Wait, wait.

Tiny, where you goin'?

I can't stand watchin' them lose, man.

Neither can I, that's why you're takin' my place.

- I can't do that. - Why not?

Because I don't wanna look stupid.

Tiny, you can't look stupid if you're not stupid.

You know the first person that ever called me that.

What?

Not stupid.

Go show them.

I hope you're right about this.

I'm right.

'Cause if you're not, I'm gonna bust your face.

Everything okay?

[sighs] I just hope he's not stupid.

Oh.

Tiny, what are you doing here?

I'm takin' Dennis' place.

Whoo!

(Dr. Samuels) Are the Remedials ready?

- Yes! - Yes!

Huh..

The IHP question?

Describe General Gates' strategy

for the final assault on the British.

I'll take this one.

Alright.

You gotta visualize the entire thing like a giant video game.

'I'm General Gates.'

Now, first, I hit them so that they retreat

to their strong hold up, the Balcarres Redoubt.

And that's 5000 points.

If I try to go directly after them from there

I'd blow it, out of the game, gone.

I've gotta move to the North against the Bremen Redoubt.

If I get away with that, that's another 5000 points.

Now, I've got my artillery.

And it's goodbye Freeman's Farm.

[imitates explosion]

Fifty thousand points, end of game.

He's right.

[cheering]

(Dr. Samuels) 'Remedials, your next question.'

- Looks like you're coming back. - Yeah.

I tell you, I'm proud of those guys.

Well, you did a good job of inspiring them.

You think so?

I'll tell you, Mr. Moore, you don't know what it's like

tryin' to teach a bunch of disruptive, wise-crackin'

loud-mouthed kids.

I guess you do.

I think you've just made a breakthrough, Dennis.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You think enough of a breakthrough to let me--

- No. - No, I didn't think so either.

Well, you wouldn't wanna come back now, anyway.

- I wouldn't? - No.

And leave what you've started here?

[chuckles] I mean, if you walked away from them now

you know they'd start backsliding.

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

So, you think, uh, one more week in remedial

would be enough to stop the backslide?

I think at least two more weeks.

[sighs] Yeah, right. Right.

That's what I was thinkin' too. Two more weeks.

Wouldn't wanna see all my hard work go to waste.

Thanks, Mr. Moore.

[instrumental music]

The first correct answer wins the match.

IHP, your question.

What was the name of General Gates' chief engineer?

Say it and spell it.

Kosciuszko.

K-O-S-C-I-U-S-Z-K-O.

Correct!

[cheering]

We won?

- 'Alright! Yay!' - 'Yay!'

[instrumental music]

- Congratulations, Frank. - Thanks, Charlie.

Ah!

I guess, we underestimated you guys,

you came up with some really tough answers.

Kosciuszko. How did you know that?

- Yeah? - It's my last name!

Scab Kosciuszko.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]