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- Hey, Arv. - Hi, Dennis.

What do you got?

This is my science project.

The Blunden superconductive electromagnet.

A magnet so powerful, it could suck

the fillings right outta your head.

- Wow. - Wanna see it work?

Yeah!

Watch this!

Okay, I need some metal to test it against.

I haven't got anything. Hey, how about the door?

No, no, you don't wanna close the door.

What's the matter?

Go ahead, Arvid. Open the door.

It-it's stuck.

It's not stuck! That's the magnet working!

Wow! That's a strong magnet!

Dennis, you're gonna get an 'A!'

How am I gonna get it outta my locker?

[bell ringing]

Oh, we don't have time now, Dennis.

We gotta get to class. Come on.

Dennis! Come on!

- I can't! - Why not?

My belt buckle, Arvid!

While in several instances in the 1970s

the United States sent millions and millions of dollars

into earthquake relief to Nicaragua.

But most of it went directly

into the private bank accounts of President Somoza.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

Is this material gonna be

on our midterms?

Alan, uh, thousands of people

lost their lives because of this man.

So it is gonna be on our midterms!

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

I know how you hate to be interrupted

but just wanna warn you, Dr. Samuels is gonna be

interrupting any minute with a guest.

You're interrupting me to warn me of an impending interruption?

- Who's the guest? - Wesley Winthrop.

Wesley Winthrop?

I.. The guy that wrote the "Scuttlebutt" column?

Huh. This is a good interruption.

- Thank you. Bye. - 'Alright.'

Sir, we've only got three more days to review for our midterms.

- Yeah. - It isn't far.

This guy's not gonna stay long, is he?

"This guy?"

Does anybody know who Wesley Winthrop is?

(all) No.

I can't believe it.

I mean, he's only one of the major

columnists and chroniclers

and boulevard days of the last 50 years.

I mean, he ranks right up there with

Walter Lippmann and, and Hayward Brunn.

George Seldes.

I-I can't believe that no one here knows who he is.

Mr. Moore.

Who's the lead singer of "Guns N' Roses?"

Okay?

Well, okay?

Well, let me fill you in, okay?

Because this is gonna be a treat.

Now, if we're gonna be talking to a man who's lived through

the historical events that we've been studying.

Wesley Winthrop..

...is a friend to presidents and kings, I mean..

This guy has travelled everywhere.

If you could find him..

...on the front lines of every major

international conflict since World War I. I mean--

Didn't he also make a lot of the road pictures with Bing Crosby?

Look, Winthrop has a

a body of experiential knowledge that-that no one else possesses

so let's take advantage of the opportunity.

[sighs] Okay, get him in, get him up, get it over with.

[knocking on door]

Excuse me, Mr. Moore, I have a surprise visitor.

A man who needs no introduction.

Wesley Winthrop.

- You must be Mr. Moore. - Charlie Moore.

We're honored to have you here, sir.

Gang, Mr. Winthrop is here to--

I can speak for myself, Harold.

You can go now.

You will invite them to your book launching

party tomorrow night, will--

Yes, yes, yes, you are all invited to my

book launching party tomorrow night.

Happy, Harold? Goodbye.

Later, gang.

Well, Mr. Winthrop, uh..

I know everybody's anxious to ask you questions about your--

In my day, the teacher wore a suit.

A dark suit with a tie

that looked like a tie.

Not like the flag of some emerging nation.

I suppose it all fits.

Graffiti on the walls.

Lack of discipline.

I can't believe this is my old school.

Oh, so this is your alma mater?

Quick, aren't you?

Of course, this is the smart class.

And none of us ever dared lounge in their desks like that.

They sat up straight and paid attention.

Wow. Uh, Mr. Winthrop, uh..

I'm sure that class is

anxious to ask you some questions about your

many adventures, I know I am.

So..

So, uh, we were talking about, um..

...South American dictators.

Uh, the, uh, Somozas, the Duvaliers, Batista--

Ah, Batista Havana.

God, how I miss those casinos.

Castro squeezed the life out of Cuba.

Well, of course, before Castro

Batista was sucking the blood out of Cuba.

Oh, Fulgencio Batista.

1940 to 1944, 1952 to 1959. Right here.

Ah, Batista, the stenographer.

'No.'

You probably know him personally, I bet. Huh?

See, I don't get my history from books.

I lived it.

I was there.

'I'll tell you who was a real funny dame'

Madame Chiang Kai-shek.

We were in a banquet in Shanghai and she leaned away and said..

[speaking in foreign language]

But Juan Perrone was no friend of mine.

'He took $200 offered me a gin.'

'Cheating his people, well'

'that was path of the course down there'

'but cheating at cards, that's unforgivable.'

But, that, Avita, oh..

...could she rumba.

[bell ringing]

Thank you very much, Mr. Winthrop.

I'm sure we all learned a great deal.

Right?

My pleasure, Charlie.

It's been quite some time since I

spoke to this kind of audience.

Yeah, captive.

'In fact'

time passed so quickly I didn't get a chance to

tell 'em my favorite John Foster Dulles story.

Oh, well, I'm sorry we've run out of time.

- I'd like to hear it. - Well, I'll be back tomorrow.

- You-you could come back? - Yeah.

- That would be great. - But as-as..

As Doug Macarthur said

"I shall return."

To which I replied, ha-ha, "You'd better."

You're up 40 bucks.

You're up 40 bucks.

Poker game.

Gotta tell you, I'm..

I'm a little..

...disappointed.

Oh, come on, Mr. Moore. He's an egotistical bore.

Mr. Moore, he's worse than boring. He's wasting our time.

Hey, come on, he said some interesting things.

Mr. Moore, here's a guy lucky enough

to meet every world leader of the century.

And what can he tell us about them?

I mean, Juan Perrone's gin scores

aren't gonna be on our tests.

Are they?

Okay, I'll agree with you that, uh

a lot of what he said might be considered trivial.

And I'll agree that he was often overbearing.

Worst of all, he hated my tie

but that doesn't mean

that we can't learn from him.

'Look, you don't have to think of him as a..'

...an old fogie, you can think of him as an

old and treasured book.

Yeah. "Gone with the wind" bag.

[laughing[

Oh, and then yesterday, in science lab

Arvid accidentally set fire to my homework.

I'm telling you, the guy is a walking disaster.

I think you're exaggerating, Dennis.

- Hi, Dennis, how's it going? - Good.

- You know, I-- What? - Arvid.

You just erased my entire book report from the computer.

- I-I did? - What is it, Arvid?

You just wanna kill me? Is that it?

Look. Here's a nice sharp pencil.

Why don't you take it and stick it right in my neck?

Dennis, I'm sorry, it was an accident.

- Are you sure, Arvid? - Of course, I'm sure.

My therapist says there are no accidents.

There's a psychological motivation

for everything you do.

You're obviously suppressing

a subconscious hostility

that manifests itself in these so-called accidents.

Me? Hostile toward Dennis?

I mean, he's my best friend, why would I be hostile to him?

Yeah? Why would Arvid hate me?

Well, what about the time you used his rare coin collection

to tip the pizza guy?

- No. - That was years ago.

I forgot all about that.

[bell ringing]

- Arvid. - Oh.

Just..

- Morning, everyone. - Ah, Mr. Moore.

Could we just drill for the test today?

If we have time. Don't forget Mr. Winthrop is with us again.

Oh, goodie.

I'm sure all of you are going to be particularly attentive today.

'Ah, Mr. Winthrop.'

The class is getting ready for a midterm exam in history and

what better way to study than..

...having a chat with Mr. Winthrop, huh?

What do you kids wanna know about today?

Paris in the 20s?

Berlin in the 30s?

Potsdam, Yalta, you name it. I was there.

I'd like to hear your version of the Yalta Conference.

I mean, did the West really buckle under to the Russians?

I always wondered about this.

I was there with Winnie Churchill

FDR and Jo Stalin.

Jo couldn't stand Winnie's cigars and the more..

...he coughed, the more Winnie puffed.

It cracked me up.

Yeah, but what did they talk about?

- Yeah. Let's be honest. - What did they talk about?

They talked about which, which one

will have the biggest office.

Excuse me, Mr. Winthrop. When was the conference?

- When? When? Hell, it was uh.. - Yeah?

It was near the end of the war.

Must've been winter, it was co cold.

I almost froze my rear off.

Palaces are damn drafty.

Uh, could you be more specific?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

The palaces didn't have any heat.

The Yalta Conference, February 4th to the 11th, 1945.

- Thank you. - 'Excuse me.'

History is more than just dates, you know?

Try asking him about people.

Truman, Trotsky.

- Mussolini. - Oh.

There was a guy.

Benito.

He did an impersonation of

of Hitler, that was hilarious.

He-he took his comb, put it under his nose and..

He had the look down pat.

Was that about the time Mussolini invaded Ethiopia?

It was about the time I stole one of Benito's mistresses.

He was furious.

I took her to Spain while I was covering

the civil war with Hemingway.

But the invasion of Ethiopia was 1935.

The Spanish civil war didn't start until 1936.

- 'Yeah.' - '1936.'

1936-35.. What the hell is the difference?

She was gorgeous.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore, but this is a history class

and the midterms have put us under a lot of pressure.

We prefer to learn some facts not listen to some

cocktail party gossip.

Ah, Mr. Winthrop, I'd like to say--

You needn't say anything.

Youth has spoken.

Unfortunately its voice is loud, crass and rude. Goodbye.

I agree with him.

Look, you have to admit.

He doesn't have his facts straight.

Fact number one.

Wesley Winthrop is 85 years old and as far as I can determine

he has not wasted a single moment of his life.

Now, fact number two, he has some incredibly rich memories

crammed into his mind.

So, it doesn't really matter if he gets his dates mixed up.

You can look those up anytime you want to.

Fact number three.

Here's a man who's seen everything

he's done everything, he's been everywhere, he knows everyone.

And yet, late in his life

he chooses to come back to Fillmore High School.

Now, doesn't anyone wonder why?

[bell ringing]

I just hope that the, the next time

you're faced with a similar situation

you'll try to learn something

instead of trying to prove how smart you are.

Ah, excuse me. Mr. Winthrop come in here?

Wesley Winthrop?

The man that just stormed into my office

like a bat outta hell?

He's in there calling a cab. What happened?

Well, let's just say he and kids hated each other.

Well, now, what about the photos of him

with the IHP at the book signing?

And the distinguished alumnus award?

What distinguished alumnus award?

I thought of it this morning.

I ordered a beautiful bronze plaque.

- Here, read it to them. - Ooh.

"The, uh, your school here

distinguished alumnus award presented to your name here."

(Harold) 'Give me that.'

Call Trophies are rush.

Thank you.

Hi.

You can skip your defense of your flock, I'm not interested.

Well, actually, I was gonna apologize for them.

I-I think they were more than a little rough on you.

You could teach them some civility.

I try.

I was hoping you could be a little more understanding.

What's to understand?

- They're little snarts. - Well..

I mean, their reasons for..

...acting so tough, um..

I know them.

So, when they behave like this

I-I see that they're insecure about something.

So?

Well, in your "Scuttlebutt" column

you were pretty tough on everybody.

Everybody deserved it.

So, what were you insecure about?

I was only insecure once in my life.

I was having dinner with Hitler

and Eva Braun grabbed my knee.

Listen, uh..

You don't have to answer this. I'm...simply curious.

You've been everywhere. You've met everyone.

After 60 some years

you choose to come back to Fillmore High School, why?

That's an interesting question.

So what's the answer?

Unfinished business.

When you get to be my age, you wanna settle all your accounts.

And I have. Except one.

[knocking on door]

Excuse me, your cab's here, Mr. Winthrop.

So, uh, what is this unfinished piece of business?

- None of your damn business. - Okay.

Well, nice knowing you, Mr. Winthrop, uh..

It's been...interesting.

Does that mean you're not coming to my book signing party?

Means I'm not sure I'm still welcome.

Of course, you are.

But don't expect a free copy.

You'll have to plunk down $24.95 like everybody else.

Thank you for coming, Ben.

- Hi. Hey. - Hi.

- So, not a bad crowd, uh? - Yeah.

- Where's the photographer? - 'Oh!'

I was hoping to see some of the IHP kids here.

Please, we've done enough to upset Winthrop.

I don't want this to turn into a re-run of Jeraldo.

Come on.

So, you decided to come.

Ah, well, you know me, Mr. Moore.

I like anything that has to do with books.

Mm-hmm and you know me, Mr. Moore.

I like anything that has to do with Simone.

You sure that's why you decided to come?

Hi, Mr. Moore.

We just happened to be in the neighborhood.

Whoa. What a surprise. Yeah.

Great, I think you're in time to hear

Mr. Winthrop read from his book.

- Oh. We made it. Thanks. - Great.

And then there was the time you changed the date on my watch.

I was the only kid in school that Saturday.

Maybe Maria's right, maybe I am still angry with you.

Go ahead, Arvid, get it all out.

Maybe I will. Maybe I..

Maybe when I get back at you for all those

years of practical jokes.

The Dribble Glass.

The, the "Kick me" sign.

The electric toilet seat.

Oh, and the time you put a mousetrap

in my pocket protector.

- Are you finished? - Yes.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

Would you like to get off my foot?

Oh, sorry.

What are you hooligans doing here?

Read the sign. This is a book store.

Not a bowling alley.

Mr. Winthrop, uh, I'm sure we'd all love

to hear you read from your book.

[applauding]

As my old friend Milton Friedman said

"There is no such thing as a free lunch."

Now that you've had your wine and cheese

you'll have to pay for it by listening to me.

Here's one of my favorite passages.

"I was in Paris when Lindeberg landed.

He could never stand missing one of my dinner parties."

"But my marlin

"was 10 pounds heavier than Hemingway's.

After that, papa never sent me another Christmas card."

[applauding]

Oh, thank you. So nice, nice. Thank you.

Excuse me, can I say something?

You've said quite enough this morning, young man.

I know, uh, I'm sorry but I learned a lot since then.

See, I went to the library and I read some of your old columns.

And I was just wondering about the Yalta Conference.

What's the matter?

Did I get a date wrong?

No. Um..

I was just really interested in that story

about when you took the chicken soup up to Roosevelt.

I mean, if he was really that sick

it's no wonder he couldn't negotiate

a better treaty with Stalin.

Yes.

Well, that changed the face of Europe.

And it possibly contributed to the Cold War.

You know it all makes a lot of sense now.

Well, thank you.

Mr. Winthrop, um..

...I just wanna say

we're sorry if we hurt your feelings.

(all) Yeah..

Ah, yeah, I guess we can be

a little difficult to get along with sometimes.

Then again, so can you.

Yes, Patton said the same thing about me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present this trophy

to Wesley Winthrop.

One of Fillmore High School's

most distinguished graduates.

[applauding]

Well, as long as we're telling the truth.

The truth is, I never did graduate from high school.

- 'What?' - 'What?'

Great. There's 20 bucks down the drain.

Here's a book, you owe me five.

You see..

...I left school when I was 15.

I lied about my age and went off to fight in France

and I've been moving around ever since.

I have packed ten lifetimes into one.

But I still regret...that I never graduated high school.

I know it's silly, but I've always felt..

...insecure.

You were right, Charlie.

And I always felt a little like an imposter.

I promised my mother I would go back and get my diploma

and I never got around to it, so

I'm afraid I'm not able to accept this.

Um, I'm sure with all of Dr. Samuels' connections

down at Trophies Are Us

you could get this changed to read

Fillmore High School's

"Most Distinguished Honorary" graduate.

Nothing would give me more pleasure.

[all cheering]

Congratulations, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Winthrop.

Well..

Listen, uh..

...it has been interesting.

Ah, I-I wanted to tell you, you're welcome

to come back to my class any time.

- Thank you. Just one thing. - Sure, what?

Burn that tie.

Listen, you wanna get some coffee?

- Yeah. - Uh.

I'm-I'm really quite curious, uh..

How did you go about stealing Mussolini's girlfriend?

- Oh, it wasn't easy. - I bet.

Um, was she Italian?

Was she ever?

Hey, Dennis, you finally got your locker open, huh?

Yup. And now I'm gonna get Arvid back once and for all.

Ah, don't start up again.

Haven't you learned your lesson yet?

Just one more.

I'm gonna crazy glue his locker shut.

Dennis. Listen.

I just wanna tell you that I'm sorry for everything

that's happened in the past few days.

I take full responsibility for all my actions.

- Really? - Yeah.

We've been friends for so long.

I just hope there's no hard feelings.

You're right.

Hey, what do you say we start over fresh, huh?

Hey, can I buy you lunch?

Um..

Well, I think we better go to the nurse's office.

How come?

Well, I-I just crazy glued our hands together.

- What? - It was an accident.

Hey, guys. It's great to see you finally make up.

- Make up? I hate you! - Now just start walking..

- This way. - I know, over there. Come on.

Oh, Dennis.

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