Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

What.. Yeah, I'm wearing, mom. I'm wearing my sweater.

Um, the nice orange one.

- Arvid, great news. We're rich. - Not this time, Dennis.

- Arvid! - I.. Goodbye, mom.

It's a science essay competition.

We can split a $1000 scholarship.

- Come on, I need your help. - No!

- No? - No!

- Arvid, what's wrong with you? - What's wrong with me?

I'm still bleeding from the last

science competition I helped you with.

I did all the work and you took all the credit.

Don't you think I've lost a lot of sleep over that?

That's why I want your help.

This is my chance to make it up to you.

Come on, Arvid, I want to do my essay on

that Jean-Pierre Roche Baboob guy.

- Bobois. - Right. The French physicist.

You know, his work on subatomic structure?

- Really? - Yeah.

Well, what do you want me to do?

All of his work is in French.

You took French, right, while I was sleeping through Spanish?

[scoffs] Yeah, well..

Dennis, the only French I remember is soup du jour.

If-if you want a French expert, you want, uh, Maria.

Maria.

Yeah, well, you probably won't be able to

tear her away from Chuck.

Chuck?

- Later, baby. - Later, stud-muffin.

- I'm talkin' about you. - You.

[chuckles]

- New boyfriend? - Shut up.

Shut up? What did I say?

It's what you're about to say, Dennis.

And I'm not interested in your opinion about Chuck.

Maria, I'm really hurt.

I just wanted to tell you how happy I am

to see how happy you are.

And to make you an offer you can't refuse.

[scoffs]

- Morning. - Oh, morning.

Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it.

I'll take care of it, Dennis.

Mr. Moore, is it okay if I'm a little bit late

on my paper on Nelson Mandela?

Well, you're already a little bit late.

I know, but I have a chance to do a science project

with Dennis.

I mean, how often do male science freaks

actually beg girls to help them out?

I think it's some kind of breakthrough.

Well, just be sure it's not some kind of rip-off.

[bell ringing]

- Thank you. - Sure.

Okay, since we finished our discussion yesterday

about World War I, the war to end all wars

today, we're gonna start talking about World War II.

The war to end that theory.

[all chuckle]

But how do we really measure the cost of World War II?

Twenty-two million casualties.

Uh-huh, and the cost and property damage

of more than three trillion dollars.

And destruction throughout Africa, Europe and Asia.

Yes, but I'm talking about the devastation of families

the division of nations.

You know, it's not just winners and losers.

Humanity suffers. I'm finished now, Alan. Yes?

Okay, Mr. Moore, we all know war is hell.

But why always emphasize the negative side?

Great, why-why don't you give us a few pointers

on the upbeat side of war, Alan?

Well, sure. I mean, World War II did give us

a number of scientific and technological advances.

Yeah, and a lot of mini-series. So, what's your point?

Now, what kind of scientific advances come out of war?

Nuclear bombs, Swiss army knives.

Alan, we are facing the annihilation

of three billion people.

Studies show that within..

Hey, Mr. Moore. Ah!

Oh, I got some office stuff here for..

Ah, class isn't over yet, is it?

[chuckles] No. Not quite, Chuck.

Uh, do you wanna spend the last few minutes with us?

Take a seat.

Cool.

So, ah, Maria.

Maria?

Maria, you were talking about three billion people.

That's a lot of people, Mr. Moore.

[laughs]

Hey, don't forget that a war increases the demand

for arms and munitions which reduces unemployment.

Maria?

That sounds good too, Alan.

- So you agree with me? - Sure, why not?

I mean, what do I know about war and icky things like that?

[laughs]

Icky? Icky?

Maria, nuclear war is not icky.

Sitting on a Pudding Pop is icky.

Yeah. Yeah, he's right, Maria.

One time I sat on a Pudding Pop when I was wearing

my white jeans, lucky for me, it was vanilla.

[instrumental music]

[speaking in foreign language]

You know, in French, even physics is beautiful.

So are snails.

Just give me the English.

[scoffs] He's saying that the positron

was the first anti-particle to be discovered.

Dennis, do you realize what we can do with this?

Yeah, make a note of it. Keep going.

"Its existence was foreseen by Dirac

as a whole in a sea of states of negative energy, and.."

[keys clacking]

And.. And what?

You know, when Larry hit Curly in the face

with another salami, I almost died laughing.

[laughing]

Did somebody hit your brain with a salami?

- Chuck, hi. - Hey, baby.

Oh, Mr. Wizard.

Still yuckin' it up over last night, huh?

- Oh, it was so special. - Uh, excuse me.

Are we talking protons and neutrons or morons?

What you guys doin' here, anyway?

It's like extra credit work or something?

- It's s science-- - Oh, no, no, no.

We were just talking, getting ready to go home.

Ah, well, you know, that's good

because I gotta tell you, Maria

I think this egghead class of yours

is takin' up too much of your time.

Oh, no, no. It isn't, really.

- Egghead class? - Well, no. No offense, pal.

But Maria can tell you, I am a laid-back kinda guy.

- Ah. - Yeah. Now don't get me wrong.

School is cool. It passes the time.

But when you really think about it

ah, Dennis, life is short.

- Hmm. - And could we be honest?

We are on this planet to party.

- Huh? - Hmm.

I don't think Nietzsche could have said it better.

[chuckles] Who's that?

Just some kid in my biology class.

Oh, look, about our date..

Pick me up at swim practice.

Oh, Chucky, I can't tonight.

What?

I have things to do.

W-what things?

Well, you know, like, girly things.

I have to iron my hair and paint my nails

and I have to lay out the things for this weekend, you know?

Well, get 'em done, because this weekend is mine.

I know.

Later, baby. And I'm talkin' about you.

- You. - You.

[laughing] You, you.

[keys clacking]

Why are you acting dumb for that airhead?

He's a lot smarter than you think he is.

He's not smarter than egg salad.

The only reason you're goin' out with that guy

is 'cause he's good-lookin'.

Oh, come on, Dennis.

Like, you never went out with a girl because she was cute?

[scoffs] No.

I've asked. But, no, I've never actually gone out.

[instrumental music]

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

I come as a bearer of glad tidings.

Ah! My favorite kind.

Once again, our IHPers have proven to be winners.

The New York City Science Commission has chosen

as this year's entry to the National Essay Contest

"Reconsidering Roche Bobois" by Dennis Blunden.

- Alright! - Maria.

A member of the commission will be here in a few days

to present the award at our assembly.

- Hey, wear a tie. - Around my neck?

Maria, tell him.

Carry on, Mr. Moore.

Well, Dennis, it appears you have done it again.

Dennis, you're a jerk.

Dennis, you left Maria's name off the paper, didn't you?

Hey, I did all the work.

All she did was translate a little French.

Oh, right.

A little French?

I did all the French, Dennis. And I did a lot of the physics.

[clamoring]

Come on, why is everybody coming down on me?

Nobody has even asked me my humanitarian motives.

Okay, you're a great humanitarian.

Why did you do this?

- I did it for her. - 'Oh, Dennis!'

Well, she's been going out of her way to try to make

that dumb guy think she doesn't have a brain.

'And I knew that if her name appeared on the science essay'

the guy'd go nuts.

I did it to save your love life.

And I'd do the same for any of you girls here.

Maria, you're not gonna sit here and let him

do this to you, are you?

Come on, Maria, tell him.

Yeah. Maria, tell him.

Look, Maria, I don't quite know what you're doing here

but I want both you and Dennis to go to Dr. Samuels

tell him you co-authored the essay

and you both want your names on it.

Go.

Boy, you're tryin' to do the right thing

and look at what happens.

All of a sudden, I'm the bad guy.

Dennis, wait a minute. I don't want my name on that essay.

- 'What?' - 'Maria?'

If it means that much to him, let him have it.

It might be the highlight of his life.

I guess some of us have our priorities.

- Oh. - Maria.

No apologies necessary.

So, let me ask you another question.

Mm-hmm.

Let's say that you are an intelligent woman.

You're an intelligent woman, just for argument's sake.

Would you purposefully

hide your intelligence in order to be with a man

who is obviously not as smart as you were?

Charlie, how sweet! Are you asking me on a date?

- What? - I'm kidding.

Of course, I wouldn't hide my intelligence.

It'd be outrageous.

'I mean, this is the 1980s.'

If a man can't accept a woman

for who she is, who needs him?

- Right. - 'Hm.'

I wish you can help me explain this to Maria Borges.

I'm just not getting through to her.

Listen, Chuck, I was just wondering, what if..

Oh, I don't know.

I sort of entered a science competition.

And what if, what if I won?

[chuckles] What are you telling me?

You entered some kind of science thing?

No. I'm just saying, "What if?"

Yeah, uh, look, Maria, I don't know.

But I'm gettin' a little worried here

that you, you have more interest for your schoolwork

than you do in the old Chuck jog here.

No. That's not true.

Yeah, well, you say that, but now you're talkin' about

winning some kind of science thing.

I just thought it might be okay.

But look, if it makes you feel uncomfortable

it's not that big of a deal.

Well, that's good. 'Cause I'll tell you what.

I'm takin' a lotta heat from my buddies

for datin' a brain.

[sighs] Hey, look, but I tell 'em, "Maria, Maria's unlike

"those other eggheads.

"She's into normal stuff, like the Stooges

and she can't get enough of them Rangers."

Am I right? Huh?

Ah, which reminds me about this weekend.

Friday night, Rangers game.

- Alright. - Saturday, raging party.

And Sunday, football. All day.

You gotta problem with that, lady?

No, that sounds great.

Excuse us, kids, uh..

- Hey. - Hi.

Maria, do you have a minute?

Sure.

Later, baby.

- You! - You.

- You. - You.

[giggles] You.

Uh, Ms. Meara and I wanted to talk

with you for a minute.

Okay.

He's your new boyfriend, Chuck?

- Yeah. - He's really cute.

I know. He's adorable, huh?

- He's really adorable. - I know.

- Ms. Meara. - Yeah?

Didn't you have something you wanted to say to Maria?

Yes, I did. Um, Maria, don't neglect your studies.

But on the other hand, don't neglect Chuck, either.

Oh, I know, I know..

Charlie, you didn't tell me she was going with Chuck.

I mean, all the girls in the whole school

think he's the prize catch.

Even if I told Maria to dump him, she wouldn't.

He's precious.

[sighs] Well, ahem--

Mr. Moore, I know what you're gonna say.

Good, because I don't.

You have to understand.

This is more important to me.

Chuck is the only real boyfriend I've ever had.

With all the cheerleaders running around school

...he picks me.

Well, I can understand that but--

I know what you're gonna say, "He's not a rocket scientist."

He probably can't even spell "Scientist."

But who cares? He cares about me.

He likes me. He makes me feel good.

And I don't want to do anything to change that.

You probably already know I was gonna say that.

- Not exactly-- - I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna say, "Talk to Chuck," right?

I already tried talking to Chuck.

He already made it clear that he doesn't want a girlfriend

that's smarter than he is.

So, look, I appreciate all your advice.

But really, my mind is made up.

Look, as long as you're in a listening mode

um, I-I'd like to say something else.

I think you're letting Dennis walk all over you.

Now, if you're willing to sell out in this case

just to get somebody to like you

what are you gonna give up the next time?

I know that it's hard to find somebody you care for

who cares for you.

But you'll never know how someone truly feels about you

if you're pretending to be someone else.

[instrumental music]

And for those students who saw that graffiti

on the third floor bathroom wall

"If you call me

you will definitely not have a good time."

And speaking of writing

I now wish to introduce one of the judges

from this year's Inter-City Science Essay Competition

Dr. Jacob Bartholomew.

Thank you, Dr. Samuels.

[applause]

Babe, can you believe they're makin' us sit

through this presentation?

Shh!

This year's winner is an outstanding piece of work

on the research of the French Physicist

Jean-Pierre Roche Bobois.

'Made all the more difficult'

because, first, our student

had to translate all of Roche Bobois' writings

from the original French before starting his analysis.

[coughing]

And this brilliant student is your own Dennis Blunden.

[applause]

[speaking in foreign language]

[laughing]

At a moment like this, I'm truly at a loss for words.

Saying a mere thank you can't come close

to expressing the deep sense of pride and..

[chuckles] Yeah, I gotta say it.

Satisfaction I feel for being honored and recognized

for all my hard, hard work.

(Dennis) 'I only hope that my translation of Bobois'

did justice to his elegant French.

But, you know, when I think of the lonely hours

finding the insight, finding that special French word--

Yeah, like creep.

[indistinct chatter]

I-I think of other scientists alone

late at night, staring at the blank page--

Alone?

What's going on here?

She's, uh, she's obviously flipping out.

Nurse! Nurse!

Dr. Samuels, Dr. Bartholomew, I have a confession to make.

[chuckles] No, you don't. Sit down, Maria.

You're acting like a nut.

I know, it might be a little bit late

but I co-wrote that essay with Dennis.

(Dennis) 'What?'

Can't you see she's hysterical?

I did all of the translations and most of the analysis.

Blunden, is this true?

[chuckles]

Okay, maybe she helped me with a little of the French.

A little bit? Ask him to translate something.

How about this, Dennis?

[speaking in foreign language]

Um..

[chuckles] Who am I, Toulouse-Lautrec? I am a scientist.

Come on, Dennis, you know it's the truth.

You're a liar, Blunden.

What does science mean to Dennis..

Okay, I admit it. We're partners, alright?

Are you happy?

(all) Yeah!

[applause]

Congratulations, Maria.

Thank you.

[applause]

[instrumental music]

[scoffs]

I hope you're not mad at me.

I was just so afraid to tell you.

No. Come on, Maria. I'm real proud.

- Really? - Yeah.

You are?

I mean, how can I be mad at someone

who stood up for herself?

Now, sit down.

Thanks. I mean, I was praying that you'd understand.

Yeah, well, just..

It's different now, you know?

What is?

Well, it's like, I keep coming up with all these

really great things for us to do on our dates, right?

And you've been pretending like you're having fun

but...deep down you think they're dumb.

So you must think I'm dumb.

No, I don't.

So, we're interested in different things.

Chuck, I still really like being with you.

Man, I've never gone out with someone like you before.

Look, I didn't, I didn't want to admit to this

but now that everything is out in the open..

...I gotta tell you..

...I don't know if I can deal with all this.

You know, I have an idea.

I'll go with you to a "Three Stooges" film

and you can come with me to the UN.

It'll be great.

Yeah.

Look, Maria..

...you can't pretend to be any dumber than you are.

And let's face it, I'm not gettin' any smarter.

You know, so I.. I think we should, you know..

We can still be friends, though. Right? Hmm?

Hey.

- Right. - Okay.

Well..

...see ya.

[snapping fingers]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Congratulations, Maria.

How did it go with Chuck?

He says he wants to be friends.

Ah.

You ever notice when someone says that to you, Mr. Moore..

...they never speak to you again.

Well, I think you spoke up

for yourself very nicely that day.

You were right.

If Chuck was gonna care about me

he had to know who I was.

I guess he would've found out sooner or later, right?

Hmm.

But I'm never gonna date again.

Look, Maria

you're very pretty and you're very smart.

Now, somebody's bound to show up who appreciates that.

But not a stud-muffin like Chuck.

Well..

Mr. Moore, why is it that the cute ones

always seem so dumb?

Well, imagine how George Bush felt

when he was looking for a running mate?

[laughing]

- Listen, uh-- - That's a good one.

Would you, uh, would you be willing to

let a crumbling remnant of a slightly stale stud-muffin

buy you some lunch in the cafeteria?

That would be nice.

Thank you.

[theme music]