Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Good morning, everybody. - Mr. Moore.

Mr. Moore, did you hear what happened to Mr. Hofstadter?

- Your calculus teacher? - 'Yeah.'

Not anymore. He got into an argument with a gorilla.

- 'Can you believe that?' - That's rare.

These days it's hard to find a gorilla who can argue calculus.

Most of them are English majors.

[laughing]

Mr. Moore, it's really true.

Mr. Hofstadter was taking his doctoral thesis to the typist.

He cut through Central Park and stopped at the zoo

to visit Momo the gorilla.

Well, that's right, well, his thesis was teaching

number theory to primates

and he was about to achieve a major breakthrough

by holding up a bunch of bananas and saying

"How many bananas do I have in my hand?"

- Not a good idea. - Not at all.

You're not kidding.

Momo tried to pull the bananas

and Mr. Hofstadter through the bars.

The bananas got all squished.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Mr. Hofstadter, too, I imagine.

Yeah, he got a broken nose, two black eyes

a sprained wrist and bruises all over his body.

- 'Yeah.' - He's in the hospital.

- But he's gonna be alright. - 'Right.'

- 'Yes.' - 'They're hoping so.'

Well, it certainly sounds like a..

[chuckles] ...terrible thing.

Maybe we should try and look at the bright side of this.

[chuckles] I'm not sure there is a bright side

to being mauled by a gorilla.

[laughs]

- Seriously. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I..

You're probably concerned about who's gonna teach your class.

Oh, yeah, you're right, Mr. Moore.

The advanced placement exam is in a month

and we don't have a calculus teacher.

- That's right. - That's right.

Well, if I don't pass that test

I can't get into a good college, I won't get a good job

and if I don't get a good job, what will I do?

Okay, Arvid, look.

What about a substitute teacher, hmm?

That's right, I could end up as a substitute teacher. Ew.

Sorry, Mr. Moore.

Yeah, I meant that Dr. Samuels

will find you a good substitute teacher.

- No, no. - Yeah, we can't depend on--

Not that easy, Mr. Moore.

There's only three AP calculus teachers

left in the whole city.

Counting Mr. Hofstadter, it's three and a half.

[laughing]

- Morning, Miss Meara. - Oh, hi, Charlie.

Oh, gee, I pity the poor guy

who's gotta fill Hofstadter's shoes.

Yeah. Don't you mean shoe?

[chuckles]

[humming]

Your beloved principal never ceases to amaze himself.

For my IHP

I have found the calculus substitute from the Gods.

A working professional mathematician from Larwind Labs.

- You'll never guess who it is. - Oh, yes, I will.

- No, you won't. - Yes, I will.

- Five bucks. - Arvid's father.

So what's on your mind, Arvid?

Well, I-I-I'm kind of worried about this, Mr. Moore.

You're embarrassed about your father being around?

[chuckles] Embarrassed about my father?

Eurick Engen, PhD.

Yeah, well, that's crazy.

Well, Arvid, uh, you know, I was embarrassed

when my dad came to visit my school.

Well, yeah, you're.. But my dad's a great man.

No, I-I mean, he's a genius.

He-he's publishing "Scientific American."

He's on the school board, you know, he's..

Y-you know, I remember when I was a kid

he was gonna teach me to play catch

and he started explaining Newton's law of thermodynamics.

I mean, o-of course, when I was older

we would, uh, we'd go out to the park

with our bat and ball and gloves

and have some really intense discussions.

Well, sounds like you spent some time together.

Yeah, we were always very close.

You-you know, Mr. Moore

before I was in the IHP, I-I didn't have many friends.

Even the, the puppy I rescued from the pound

left me for a more popular kid.

Sounds like your dad was a good friend.

Oh, he was my best friend.

I mean, all those hours we spent together, just him and me and..

...Mr. Potato Head.

I mean, I'm sure you can understand why I'm worried.

[indistinct chatter]

I think this is gonna be great, Arvid.

- Having your father teach us. - You think so?

- Yeah. - Can you believe it?

Right here in this classroom

the creator of the Engen formula

the Engen lemma, the Engen parallelotope..

Not to mention the Engen Arvid.

[chuckles]

It's gonna be kind of nice to be taught something

by someone who actually makes a living at it.

- Yeah. - 'Yeah, just think.'

- Well, good morning. - Good morning.

Hi, I'm Dr. Eurick Engen.

We know. We're thrilled to have you here.

Well, thank you. I'm thrilled to be here.

And I just wanna say that by the time I'm through with you

that advanced placement exam you're worried about

will be a breeze.

- Yeah. - Great.

We'll have to get Carl Sagan just to grade our papers.

Looks like we really lucked out, huh, guys?

- Yeah. - Oh, thank you, thank you.

[bell rings]

Well, let me break the ice with a, a math joke.

- Oh. - Okay.

What do you get when you cross

an elephant and a grape?

Elephant grape sine theta.

[laughing]

- Nobody gets it? - No.

Well, isn't this class familiar with the vector cross product?

- Vector cross what? - Uh, sorry, Dr. Engen.

- Go figure, dad. - Well, that's, that's too bad.

[chuckles] Really, it's very funny.

Well, uh, maybe you ought to write it down

and read it again in a few years.

So, uh, what was, uh, Mr. Hofstadter teaching you?

- Reviewing integrals. - Right.

- Yeah. - Oh, that's high school stuff.

But just to get warmed up

let's blaze through a few simple ones.

Okay. The square root of one minus X squared?

You got it?

Okay, okay, well, let-let me, let me do it for you.

The answer is pi over four.

Wow.

Wait a minute, Dr. Engen, how did you get that?

- Yeah, how did you get that? - How did you get that?

- Isn't that obvious? - No.

Uh, dad, maybe you could do it in a different way?

Okay, okay.

Pi over four.

Thanks for clearing that up, Dr. Engen.

Okay, let me give you your homework.

Now first, add up the series

one plus a half plus a quarter

plus an eighth plus a sixteenth

'ad infinitum.'

Okay, second.

Calculate the arch length

of any lemniscate you like.

And third, consider this equation.

[instrumental music]

Arvid, look at my math homework.

It's blank.

Took me five hours to do that.

You're very neat.

Who has a favorite lemniscate?

What is a lemniscate?

Well, it's just the figure eight.

Why didn't he just say that?

And that series of numbers

it goes on and on and on.

- It just won't stop. - 'Yeah.'

Exactly. Every time you think you've finished

another one comes along.

Sort of like the "Rocky" movies.

Okay, I mean, maybe the homework

was a little harder than we're used to.

I don't mind harder, I just don't need a math teacher

who speaks to me in tongues.

Well, I heard that, Dennis.

Well, you've always hated my father.

Ever since he yelled at you for eating

my little sister's baby food.

Her formula, I understood.

- His, I don't. - It's true, Arvid--

Wait, wait, wait, could it be that he's just shaking

this class up a little bit by challenging it?

- Oh, right. - He's not challenging it.

He's on the way to destroying it.

- 'Yeah, that's right.' - Exactly.

Destroying it?

Destroying it?

Yeah, Arvid, remember the advanced placement exam?

Well, at this rate, we'll all flunk.

- That's right. - That's right.

Flunk? Flunk?

Hey, he happens to be one of the most intelligent

highly regarded man in his field.

What about my field?

If your daffy dad ruins my chances in math

I'm gonna be lucky to get a job cleaning windshields

outside the Holland tunnel.

Daffy dad?

Hey, my daffy dad has forgotten more math than you'll ever know.

Then why does he keep it to himself?

- Let us in on it. - Yeah, Arvid.

Arvid, face it. Your father can't teach.

- 'Yeah, Arvid.' - 'He can't teach.'

No, no, no, he can teach.

You can't learn, that's the problem.

'You've all been in the IHP for too long'

you think you know everything.

And finally when you're confronted

with a man who has a black belt in mathematics

you don't know what to do.

So you become mean, petty, jealous and disloyal.

And as far as I care, you can go jump in a lake.

Whoa, talk about overreacting.

Arvid will get over it.

In a second, he'll come back in here

and apologize for losing his temper.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

And another thing, you're spiteful, whining

pampered, rude and uncivilized and I hate you all.

[bell rings]

Mr. Moore, your class.

[all clamoring]

Excuse me.

You've only had one class with Dr. Engen.

Now I really don't wanna hear anything more about this

until you've had two classes, okay?

Thank you, Mr. Moore. It's nice--

- And you, sit down. - Okay.

Alan, 51.

You can't differentiate under the integral sign

whenever you feel like it.

- I can't? - 'Ah.'

Janice, 59.

Your use of integration by parts is inappropriate in this case.

This is the lowest grade I've ever gotten.

Darlene, 53.

Acceleration is the second derivative, not a first.

Sarah, 52.

These are not the correct equations

for the conic sections.

Maria, 39.

[screams]

Well, you didn't answer most of the questions.

Dennis, 35.

I hope you're not planning to go in the sciences.

Arvid..

...you're slipping.

What did you get, Arvid?

Ferny diggy.

Come on, Arvid. What did you get?

- Anythingy. - 'Arvid!'

- Eighty-seven. - Eighty-seven?

Lucky guesses.

Besides, we have the same genes.

Okay, everybody, let's move on.

Uh, uh, Dr. Engen, if we get a problem wrong

and you don't show us how to do it, how are we gonna learn?

- Yeah. - Hmm. We'll work on that.

Okay, now we could go on to the next chapter in your book

but instead, let's have some fun with isoparametric equations.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

"We, the students of the IHP

"in order to form a more perfect calculus class

"and assure that we pass the advanced placement test

"do hereby petition the removal of Dr. Eurick Engen

'from the said class."'

- Here. Here. - Good, let's send it in.

A petition?

How low can you people get?

You're stabbing my father in the back.

You're slime.

Simone, surely you're not a party to this?

He gave me a 35, Arvid.

Your father's a yutz.

Yeah, excuse me.

If you have a problem with Dr. Engen

I suggest you take it up with him directly

rather than go behind his back.

After all the shortest distance between two points

is a straight line.

Yeah, but whenever we talk to him

we wind up going in circles.

- Yeah. - 'Yeah.'

The only way I can get into science now

is by donating my body.

I am simply saying before you pass this petition around

discuss your problems with Dr. Engen.

See if you can find a solution.

Mr. Moore, you said two classes.

- We've had two classes. - Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Mr. Moore, if you don't like our petition

you ought to check out his class.

Is that alright with you, Arvid?

Fine with me.

Okay. I'll think about it.

And so the arch of the lemniscate

is given by the integral

of the D-R over the square root

'of one minus R to the force.'

And quadratic Ks

we're doing the substitution

R square equals--

- Yo, yo. - Two--

Dr. E, remember us, the class?

Oh, yeah. Two T squared over one plus T to the four.

- Dr. Engen, I'm lost. - Yeah.

But this is exactly what the Italian count of Finiano

did in 1719.

You see, when we rationalize this equation--

Excuse me, Dr. Engen, we can't see the board.

Oh, how's that?

Dr. Engen, we couldn't understand this

even if we could see it.

I spoke to a friend of mine

who's a grad student at Colombia

and he said these topics are way over our heads.

- They're not even in his book. - 'Yeah.'

Well, this is an honors program, isn't it?

[bell rings]

'Alright, class dismissed.'

[indistinct chatter]

You know, it's just amazing how a little

quirk of fate brought me here.

'Cause if Hofstadter hadn't grappled with that gorilla

we'd have never found out what a rotten teacher he is.

Dad, you know, I-I really like Mr. Hofstadter.

Oh, I know, I-I've taught you to respect your teachers, son

but in this case, the teacher hasn't earned that respect.

He has ruined this class. And I'm just afraid he has to go.

Go?

Well, we'll find him something in a junior high school.

Excuse me, Dr. Engen, could I see you for a minute?

Oh, sure.

The IRS says it won't accept irrational numbers.

Go figure.

They're right about him, aren't they?

Well, let's put it this way, Arvid, uh..

I don't think the teacher of the year committee

is gonna be battering down his door.

He thinks Mr. Hofstadter is the problem.

- 'Yeah.' - But..

He's the problem.

Yeah.

I didn't wanna see it.

I-I was blinded by my own filial devotion, you know?

That happens.

So a-are you gonna confront him one-on-one like you said?

I didn't say I was gonna do that.

I-I said I thought the class should deal with him directly.

He'll be crushed.

Well, under the circumstances, uh

maybe you should be the one to talk to him.

- Me? - Yeah.

I-I couldn't do that, Mr. Moore. He's my father.

I mean, how can I tell him he's not perfect at something?

Is he perfect at everything?

No, I guess he's not.

He taught you to tell the truth.

- Yeah, he did. - Yeah.

Well, this might be a good time to do that.

[sighs]

Oh, boy.

This is gonna be harder than the last time.

What happened then?

I had to tell him I wanted to start

picking out my own clothes.

[instrumental music]

[bell rings]

That's it. Perfect.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

- Hi, dad. - Oh, hi, Arvie.

Uh, dad, I'd, uh, I'd like to talk to you

as-as one number cruncher to another.

You mean, egghead to egghead?

[chuckles]

Actually, dad, more like, uh ...man to man.

Oh, boy. Well, this is serious, huh?

- What's the problem? - Uh, dad.

Uh, listen.

[sighs]

When-when you teach..

...you're hard to understand.

I mean, I mean, all the greats can understand you.

Pearlstein, Hawkings, Rubik--

Well, you understand me, don't you, Arvid?

- Well, of course, I do. - Well, alright, so?

Yeah, b-but guys like Alan and-and Eric

they have a tougher time.

Well, see, I-I know you know a lot more math

than Mr. Hofstadter.

But-but when he teaches, he's, he's really clear..

...and we learn from him.

Now you're a, you're a great dad.

And a, and a great mathematician.

But you're just not that great a teacher.

O-o-okay, dad, you understand?

I hope this doesn't hurt too much coming from your own son.

Son?

- I have no son. - Dad!

I'm just kidding. I saw it in a movie once.

Of course, you are my son

and I love you.

That's why I took this job

when Dr. Samuels offered it to me.

- What do you mean? - Oh.

Hey, remember when we used to go to the park

and talk about playing catch?

And we'd do the math puzzles together.

And check out the stamp stores.

Well, we were best of pals.

But since you got into the IHP you're so darn popular

I never see you anymore.

I just thought this was a way for us to be together.

That was a really good idea, dad.

You sure?

I mean, us being together more is a good idea.

You know..

...you're all grown up, Arvid.

- I am? - Well, sure.

You criticized your father.

No, I-I take it back. I didn't mean it.

- Yes, you did. - I.. Okay, I did.

And I'm proud of you.

Because it took a lot of courage to tell me

that I'm a less than excellent teacher.

Oh, boy, I sure hope I didn't embarrass you too much

in front of your friends.

Oh, no.

Are you kidding?

You're my dad.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

So attempting to fold a little contemporary history

into your calculus class

I'm going to ask you to think of Dr. Engen here

as the distinguished representative

from the sovereign nation of Mathematica.

[laughter]

And I want you to think of Arvid

as his UN simultaneous translator.

- Take it away, boys. - Okay, hit it, dad.

Alright, take the series

whose general term is one over two to the Nth.

- We don't understand this. - I can't understand.

Just relax.

Just write one plus one-half

'plus one-quarter plus one-eighth'

'plus one-sixteenth'

'and so on.'

Okay, Arvid, I'm with you so far.

Call the series S.

Just write S equals in front of it.

Now multiply by a half and subtract.

That's it. Simple.

Oh, I'm lost again, Arvid.

Just relax, I'll talk you down.

Multiply each term by one-half.

So one-half of one is a half.

'One-half of a half is a quarter.'

'One-half of a quarter is an eighth.'

And so on.

But that's what I said.

No, no, dad, that's what you thought. Remember?

You do the thinking. I'll do the talking.

Sorry.

Okay, so, you see, each term becomes the next.

So all the terms in the first series

except for the 1 are here in the second.

Now if we subtract, all the terms..

...cancel out except for the 1.

So if you subtract half of S from S..

Then you get half of S.

And if half of S is 1..

Then S equals 2.

- Yeah. - I did it.

I've solved an infinite series of numbers.

I am not a moron.

[laughs]

[theme music]