Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Right here, here's where the judge rules

against Arvid's answer.

(woman on TV) 'That is incorrect.'

Here's where I, very politely, question the judge's ruling.

...Dr. Samuels please sit down..

(Dr. Samuels on TV) 'I don't want any trouble from you or anybody else.'

(Dr. Samuels) 'Here's where I question the judge's parentage.'

'At this point, I make an emphatic gesture.'

'She asked me to leave, so I left.'

I don't see what the fuss is all about.

Right. You didn't actually hit her with the chair.

One more loss, and we're out of the playoffs.

So, what do you say, Mr. Moore?

About what?

If I'm suspended, taking over the team.

Oh, I'd rather not.

Mr. Moore, I'm desperate. Just think about it.

[bell rings]

Class.

Morning, everybody.

- Morning, sir. - Hi.

How was your weekend?

- Sure. Rub it in. - Mm-hm.

Mr. Moore, we lost another meet on Friday.

By 12 points.

So I heard.

And Dr. Samuels got busted.

On the other hand, those of us not on the team

had a terrific couple of days.

Mr. Moore, I just got the call.

Team, I have an announcement.

The Academic Competition Committee has suspended me.

[indistinct chatter]

I'm not allowed to coach.

I'm not allowed to supervise practices.

I'm not even allowed to be in the room

where the matches are being held.

(all) Oh..

But we're not quite dead.

Filling in for me as coach will be

one of Fillmore's finest teachers, Mr. Charlie Moore.

[laughs] Y-you don't want me.

I'm not interested in...killer competition.

You want somebody like yourself, you know.

A real tiger, driver. Bobby Knight.

I know what I want. You're what I got.

Forget it, Dr. Samuels. It's no use.

It's like getting a, a new jockey for a dead horse.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter who coaches us

we're gonna lose anyway.

- 'Right.' - 'Yeah, it's useless.'

- 'What's the point?' - 'It's too late.'

Okay, I'll do it.

- Huh? - You'll do it?

[indistinct chatter]

Well, Mr. Moore, they're all yours.

Thank you, Dr. Samuels.

Take care of my team.

Uh, I'll try, Dr. Samuels.

I started the team, you know.

Yes, we know.

God, I'm gonna miss you kids.

Okay.

Ah, you've been on a losing streak, that happens.

I'm sure if we all concentrate

you might just win this Friday. Okay?

But now, the Roosevelt years.

Darlene?

This isn't just any old meet, Mr. Moore.

Friday, we're going up against Bronx Science.

(all) Yeah.

Oh, no. Bronx Science. Nightmare on Nerd Street.

[imitates screaming]

Eric, if you can't be supportive..

Yeah, take one of those zippers off your jacket

and stick it on your mouth.

Okay, okay, okay.

I wanna know what's so special about Bronx Science.

They're just undefeated, that's all.

They don't know the meaning of the word "lose."

Well, a team with that limited a vocabulary

shouldn't be that difficult to defeat.

Mr. Moore, they have Billy Chin.

I remember Billy Chin.

And they have the Ozawa Sisters, and Darwin Einstein.

(all) 'Yeah.'

Also bright, I presume.

Bright? Huh?

It's like getting run over

by a truckload of encyclopedias.

Now, I think you can win this Friday.

- Well, how? - Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

You know, one of his most famous quotes

became a rallying cry for this country.

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Kids' stuff, Mr. Moore.

March 4th, 1933. His inaugural address.

[chuckles] That's very good, Alan.

Can you tell me from whom he borrowed the phrase?

It's from the journals of Henry David Thoreau

who said, "Nothing is so much to be feared as fear."

Roosevelt knew that this nation's people were sound.

When the situation is really serious

one thing that can defeat us is panic.

So, it's all a matter of confidence, right?

Right.

I get it. You're telling me we can beat Bronx Science.

Now, i-if I tell Sarah we can beat Bronx Science

a-and Sarah tells Alan we can beat Bronx Science

and Alan tells Janice we can beat Bronx Science

well, then we just might beat Bronx Science.

[cheering]

There's only one small detail.

(all) What?

Who's gonna tell Bronx Science?

- 'Thanks.' - Thanks.

[instrumental music]

(Bernadette) Oh, Charlie. Hi.

- Morning. - How's the coaching?

Well, I spent most of yesterday's practice session

trying to build the team's confidence.

Don't you see, Charlie? It's not fair.

I mean, Dr. Samuels got himself disqualified.

But you're gonna be the one to take the blame

when the team misses the playoffs

for the first time in history.

[scoffs] Bernadette, nobody's lost yet.

Charlie, it's Bronx Science.

Billy Chin, the Ozawa Sisters, Darwin Einstein.

I mean, sure, you know history. And you know some English.

But how can you help them with, with calculus

and astrophysics and microbiology?

You're outgunned.

Shucks, I know that, ma'am. But I got me a secret weapon.

Okay, Mr. Moore. Let me get this straight.

This idea of yours is to have six coaches instead of one.

- Exactly. - Good.

If the meet goes according to form

they can all be pallbearers.

I know. Butt out. I'm out.

Look, you're the best. I think you deserve the best.

Now, we have so much to do in so little time

that I think the rest of the faculty can help us

to just brush up on our basics, get us up to running speed.

Right. It's just like football.

Backfield coach, line coach, batting coach.

Don't let him answer any sports questions.

Okay, uh, it's me for history, Mr. Dorfman for economics

Ms. Kolbe, math, Mr. Schneider, English

Ms. Hodges for the arts, and Ms. Wucinski for science.

You think they'll do it?

Part-time. I mean, I've spoken to all of them.

They wanna help you, they're, they're behind you

a hundred percent on this.

And I've asked them to meet me here

at three o'clock this afternoon.

It's gonna be togetherness and teamwork.

- Camaraderie. - Desperation.

[instrumental music]

Oh, Charlie, this was in your box.

And Ms. Hodges just called.

She can't help you out after all.

She's got a Lamaze class every night this week.

She got pregnant? She's not even married.

I mentioned that. She said, "Why wait till the last minute?"

Seems Ms. Wucinski can't make it either.

- No science? - Oh, h-her cat is sick.

Probably an impacted fur ball.

You're alone, Charlie.

Not one teacher's gonna lift a finger to help you.

Well, four out of six is not bad.

Uh, if the birth goes well, or the cat's feeling better

I'll be in my room.

Mr. Moore.

I'm Stephanie Schneider.

My dad is Mr. Schneider, the English teacher.

Daddy can't come to your meeting.

He has to drive me to ballet class.

It's okay.

Usually, mom drives me but she broke her glasses.

Oh, well, that's okay.

Actually, dad broke her glasses.

- That's okay. - Sorry.

It's okay.

[instrumental music]

Mr. Dorfman--

I'm sorry, Charlie, but I can't stay.

My wife is sick. We think it's measles.

You think that it's..

Well, if it's not measles, it's something.

Maybe it's chicken pox. I'm not a doctor.

Eh, the point is, she's really sick, and I can't help you.

Well, I suppose I can handle history and economics.

Hope your wife is better.

I can't lie, Charlie.

My wife is fine.

- Really? - Oh, smarten up, Charlie.

Dr. Samuels loves that team. H-he's warped on the subject.

Anybody remotely associated with them missing the playoffs

is gonna be on his hit list for a long, long time.

You know...I was counting on you.

I know. I-I'm sorry, Charlie.

I have a nice class schedule now.

Hmmph. Normal students.

One false move, and I'm back

teaching economics to terrorists.

I just thought if we all pitched in--

Ah, no-no, this is Bronx Science, Charlie.

Billy Chin and the Ozawa Sisters.

The Einstein kid.

Huh, you're history.

Apparently, I'm also economics.

You're also math.

- Mrs. Kolbe can't come either. - Huh.

[exhales]

[instrumental music]

Mr. Moore? Mr. Moore, nice to see you again.

Well, same here, Billy.

Oh, these are the Ozawa sisters.

Pat and Sally.

(both) Hi.

- And Darwin Einstein. - Hi.

Hi.

So, I hear Dr. Samuels got busted

and you're coaching the team.

- Good news travels fast. - Gee, that's tough.

What a time to come up against us.

We're on a major roll, as you know.

Well, so I've heard.

But you never know, Mr. Moore. You're a great guy.

You could always pull off a miracle.

W-well, will certainly try.

- Good luck. - Okay. Good luck to all of you.

[instrumental music]

Well, okay, everybody, ready for Bronx Science?

(all) No.

- Little tension, huh? - Tension?

A-all night long, I-I dreamt there was a, a time bomb

ticking in my room somewhere.

It was just ticking and ticking

louder and louder.

I mean, if I didn't find it and submerge it in water

I'd be blown to bits.

When I woke up, I was lying on the bathroom floor

and my alarm clock was in the toilet.

Look, uh, don't panic.

But I think we're all experiencing

a little pre-meet fear.

How do we get rid of it?

Well, there's nothing scarier than an opening night.

But there are exercises we could do

to take the edge off stage fright.

Mr. Moore, we're talking about Bronx Science.

Not "Hello, Dolly!"

Come on. Listen. It's gonna be fine.

Now, all you have to do is make the dopiest

silliest face you can think of.

Oh, well, that's not fair, Mr. Moore.

Arvid has a head start.

Why-why don't you show me your version of Arvid's face?

You're a great mimic. Now, come on.

Just show me his body, too. Just be Arvid for a minute.

'Give me his face.'

Okay, and tell me who wrote "Rhapsody in Blue?"

[gibberish]

He-he-he. George Gershwin.

Huh. Okay. Good. Let's play. Let's play.

[indistinct chatter]

Move, move, move.

Okay, give me a pose. Give me a face.

'Give me.. Mm-hm.'

I think I know who you are but tell me.

Now, come on.

From whom was the Virgin Islands purchased?

Denmark, 1917.

Okay, uh, Jawaharlal, you and, uh, Maria. Come on.

'Hit a pose. Hit a pose. Together.'

'Now, let me see those faces and tell me'

the first peacetime president from the United States

to visit Soviet Russia.

- Richard Nixon. - 'Uh-uh, and when was that?'

1972. Ooh.

What a year. Wo-ho-ho!

Okay, uh, Arvid, take her place.

'Okay. Well, you hold it up.'

- Kasai? - A river in Zaire. Ooh.

(Moore) 'Okay. Ah, okay.'

- Uh, Simone. - Go, Simone.

Show me a face. Show me a body.

Okay, tell me the name of Pulitzer's first newspaper.

"Saint Louis Dispatch."

Okay, uh, Janice. You and Al. Come on. Quick. Quick.

'Do a pose, that's right, show me some faces'

and tell me the first capital of New York State.

Manhattan.

Aha. When did it move?

- Moved to Albany in 1797. - 'Yes, it did.'

Okay, uh, Sarah, come on. Quick.

Give me a face. Give me a face.

Boy, with a face like this, I wanna know

who won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1954.

[mumbling]

Who?

- Ernest.. - Who?

[mumbling]

Ernest Hemmingway!

Stay. Ah, you. Pose, pose with her.

Strike a pose with her. And give me a face. Give me a face.

Give me a face. Faces.

Fa.. Okay, everybody. join 'em. Join 'em.

Make one big strange face. Come on.

Let me see those faces now. Are you guys winners or losers?

(all) Winners!

Show me the faces.

[cheering]

Yeah!

A wall of nerds.

No, no. Mr. Moore, I understand.

If-if you can't beat them, scare them.

Uh, that was great. Just relax.

Take a break. I think we are onto something here.

I'll be back in a minute, okay. Hold on.

Eric.

[sighs]

Look, uh, you're a bright kid.

You're a good kid. I like you.

Are you working for Bronx Science?

[scoffs] I'm sorry, Mr. Moore.

They just looked really silly.

Well, that's the point, Eric. Uh, they are being silly.

You know, they're just...relaxing, loosening up.

Obviously, uh, this meet doesn't mean very much to you.

And, at the moment, I'm not sure what it means to me.

But they are your friends, aren't they?

Some of them.

Okay, all of them.

[sighs] Maybe, I've been a little rough on them lately.

A little rough?

Look, I don't know why I do it.

No, you know what? I do know why I do it.

'Cause I'm mad at them.

I mean, they were great, but lately, they lose a few

and they just roll over and play dead.

They're a bunch of crybabies.

Well, I just think they're better than that.

Why don't you try telling them that

instead of undermining them?

See, if you're not part of the solution

you're part of the problem.

I'm not on that team.

Well, at least you can be on their side.

Mr. Moore.

[sighs]

Eric, please, the last thing that we need

at this moment is your mouth.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Hey, look. I'm sorry, okay? - You're sorry?

[snorts] Sorry you didn't get in a couple of more zingers

before we march out there to our doom.

See, you hear that? "Doom."

That's why I'm bugged.

I mean, that's why I zing you guys a lot lately.

You deserve it.

- Oh, we deserve it? - That's right.

Look, I've been watching you

and your academic team for a long time now.

I think I know you pretty well.

[scoffs] But I've never seen you turn into dog food like this before.

And I'll tell you why.

There's only one reason you lost four in a row.

You lost four in a row because you forgot who you are.

I mean, don't you get it?

You're the best.

You think Bronx Science is this killer team. Well, you're wrong.

You're the killer team.

And you got no business losing to anybody.

Not even Bronx Science. Okay?

So, look, just do what Mr. Moore said.

Fear nothing but fear.

Mr. Moore didn't say that. Roosevelt did.

Shut up, Janice.

Face it. You may be nerds.

But you're the best nerds in New York City.

And I'm proud to call you my friends.

- Hey, uh, thanks, Eric. - Thanks, Eric.

Now, look, if you're the kind of friends

that I think you are, you're gonna go out there

and you're gonna kick some Bronx butt.

- Let me talk to them! - No, it's not allowed.

I don't care anymore. It's too important.

- Hold it. - I've gotta talk to them.

I gotta bring 'em up for this, they won't be ready.

Dr. Samuels, you never know.

[screaming]

I never know.

[upbeat music]

[applause]

Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore.

If this continues, I am fully prepared

to disqualify your team.

If what continues?

That.

- I'll, I'll get it. - A warning, Mr. Moore.

Any fancy footwork and you'll be out there with Dr. Demento.

Are the teams ready?

[beeper buzzing]

Question number one.

Literature.

From the expression, "Hoisted on his own petard"

what is a petard?

[beeper buzzes] 'Fillmore.'

A petard is a small, bell-shaped bomb

used in medieval times to breach a wall or a city gate.

Correct.

[applause]

Also a firecracker.

- Also correct. - It's from the French.

[applause]

Question number two. Science.

What is polymerization?

[beeper buzzes] 'Fillmore.'

Polymerization is the joining of two or more

of the same molecules to form one larger molecule.

- 'Correct.' - Alright!

[cheering]

(woman #1) 'Fillmore.'

Psst. What's going on? Talk to me, Dorfman.

We're on a roll. Our kids are ahead 12-3.

Maybe I lucked out. Maybe Moore can pull this off.

The molten material which exists

below the solid rock of the earth's crust.

- 'Correct.' - 12-4.

So they lose one or two. Moore can handle it.

The economic consequences of the peace.

(woman #1) 'Correct.'

- 12-5. - Hmmph. They're folding.

Him and his relaxation exercises.

The Boer War was fought between

the British and South African settlers

of French, German and Huguenot descent.

(woman #1) 'Correct.'

Ferdinand de Lesseps.

Stone Age and Iron Age.

- Calder. - Neville Chamberlain.

The dew point.

The melting point of tungsten carbide

is 2870 degrees centigrade.

A tropical leguminous tree, native to Madagascar

and its correct Latin name is Delonix regia.

Correct.

[cheering]

We're ahead by eight.

There's only eight questions left.

They have to get them all right just to tie.

[chuckles] No way, Jose.

The score is now tied.

No, no, no!

[applause]

(woman #1) 'We will now go to sudden death.'

'The first correct answer wins the meet.'

I will ask a two-part question.

Do not buzz in until I finish.

'One of the most famous quotes'

'of President Franklin D. Roosevelt was'

'"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."'

[laughing]

When did he say this?

[beeper buzzes] Ha-ha.

I warned you it was a two-part question.

[yelling]

[indistinct]

And who originated the phrase?

The question goes to the Bronx High School of Science.

[beeper buzzes]

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"

'was part of President Roosevelt's'

inaugural speech on March 4th, 1933.

- And.. - And who originated the phrase?

Bronx Science?

Eleanor Roosevelt?

I'm sorry, Mr. Chin. That is incorrect. Fillmore?

[beeper buzzes]

A version of the quote appears in Thoreau's journals

as "Nothing is so much to be feared as fear." And we win!

(woman #1) 'Correct.'

We won! We won! We won!

- We won! - Aaah.

[chanting] Coach! Coach! Coach!

Thank you, coach! Thank you very much!

I appreciate the sentiment.

Although Mr. Moore does deserve some of the credit.

Well, I guess I should turn the team back

over to you...coach.

I mean, after all, you made them what they are today.

All I did was teach them how to relax, right?

- Yeah. - Oooh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good face.

[instrumental music]

- Congratulations. - Oh, same to you.

Uh, somebody had to talk to them

in a language they can understand.

Ah, yeah.

So, uh, thanks for the language.

Well, you took the words right outta my mouth.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]