Original subtitles

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- Good morning, campers. - Good morning, sir.

I hate it when he's perky.

I love it when he hates it.

Listen, everybody, I have got some really great news.

Don't tell me.

You're gonna be the poster boy for conjunctivitis.

It's not definite yet, but it looks as if we're getting

a new class member, Billy Chin!

The Billy Chin?

Oh, "The Billy Chin?" Who is he?

Only one of the smartest high school students

on the East Coast, possibly, in the country.

I know him personally, his parents moved in from Queens

and he's coming to Fillmore.

Why does he have to come here?

- Yeah. - 'Yes, why?'

Well, because I convinced him

that Fillmore is the superior school.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, congratulations, Arvid

you've just won the dweeb-of-the-year award.

Yeah, Arvid, that was stupid.

Wait, he's great, you know him. Why is that stupid?

Not knowing why it's stupid's really stupid.

Well, call me stupid, but I-I need a clue.

Look, everybody knows Billy Chin is brilliant.

He is talented and he's the number one brain in the city.

Who needs him?

Right. I mean, he'd be superfluous.

Yeah, we got kind of a natural flow going.

- We are very close, Mr. Moore. - 'Yeah, we're like a family.'

A loving, nurturing, caring, close-knit unit.

Except for Arvid who betrayed us.

Now, tell me the real reason.

He's going to disrupt the grading curve.

Oh.

And our class rankings.

Not to mention, your egos.

- That'd be ridiculous. - I don't have an ego.

Come on, now, we are talking about somebody

who would be a, an asset to this class.

He'd bring fresh energy, a fresh point of view.

You make him sound like a room deodorizer.

The fact is if Billy Chin

wants to join the class, he will.

I guess we just have to take in a deep breath and accept it.

Hey, we can be gracious people.

We'll welcome Billy Chin with open arms.

Good.

Then we'll hang Arvid by his thumbs.

[instrumental music]

Hey, great news.

We've had enough of your great news for one week.

No, no, no, I-I found the charter directive

of the individualized honors program.

- I think I found a loophole. - Oh, you found a loophole?

- It's great. - Look, it says it right here.

"At no time shall the program exceed

the maximum of ten students."

Which means Billy Chin can't join even if he wants to.

That's right, 'cause we have ten now.

Uh, so I'm off the hook, right?

Hold on, that thing just says that there has to be

ten students, it doesn't say which ten.

[scoffs] You're not suggesting Dr. Samuels would dump one of us

for Billy Chin?

Think about it.

What does the portly dude in the front office

value more than anything else?

Blue jeans with a skosh more room?

She means the Academic Olympic Team.

Yeah, that man would sell his mother to make it stronger.

No, no, no, Dr. Samuels loves us.

H-he wouldn't cut one of our throats just to win

some crummy city-wide competition

and then, maybe the state finals and national championship.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

Good morning, everyone.

Well, heh, all these long faces ought to go very well

with the, uh, lesson I have for you this morning

a little ditty that I like to call..

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

Class, say hello to one of the foremost people

in secondary education today

Mr. Billy Chin!

- Hi. Oh, hi, Arvid. - Uh, hi, Billy.

I'm giving Billy the VIP tour of our hallowed halls.

Billy, this is contemporary history.

Why don't you take a seat right here

at the head of the class? Maria? Thank you.

You know, son, you're going to be

in some pretty fast company here.

Class, the tenth of October, 1938?

Germany occupies the Sudetenland.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

The Maxwell function. Dennis?

Uh, uh, the negative of the Helmholtz function

divided by the thermodynamic temperature.

- Alright. - Dennis!

Of course.

The first of January, 1984?

The 200th anniversary of 1784.

He's not on the team. Jawaharlal.

Major General Buhari becomes ruler of Nigeria.

[all cheering]

Define a muon. The big egg.

[stammering] Uh, what it is, it's a uh, uh, uh..

- Exactly-- - Billy?

A subatomic particle of the lepton family.

Its charge is equal to that of an electron.

Muons are produced by the decay of pions, kaons and hyperons.

That's right.

Well, I-I knew that.

Well, off to the library. After you, son.

I'm sure he's read everything in it.

[chuckles]

Go, team!

Well, I really don't see a problem.

Seemed like a very nice young man.

That's what they said about Damien in "Omen II."

(Samuels) 'I think it's going to happen. I think I have got him.'

With Billy Chin on the team

I can send everyone to the showers.

Push comes to shove.

We've gotta ask Mr. Moore to talk to Dr. Samuels.

Well, how can Mr. Moore do anything?

Dr. Samuels won't listen to him. This is a disaster.

Phew. Yeah, kiddo, you're right.

Who asked you?

[instrumental music]

Now, I guess it's just a question of who's going to go.

Well, I know who ought to go.

See if you can guess.

He acts like Benedict Arnold, he looks like Pee-wee Herman.

[chuckles]

W-wait a minute. You mean me?

- 'Yeah.' - Yes, you.

- You got us into this, pal. - W-w-wait a minute. Why me?

I mean, if-if somebody has to be sacrificed..

Eric, h-he's not even on the academic team!

- Oh, that's right. - Oh, yeah.

Whoa, believe me, I would love

to be off of this geek farm.

There's just one problem, my mother.

I mean, she'd rearrange Samuels' anatomy

if you booted me out of here.

Alright, don't you just love

how the tough guy in the leather jacket

is always hiding behind his mother?

- 'Yeah.' - 'Oh.'

I admit it would be a lot easier

to hide behind your mother.

- 'Oh.' - Oh.

- 'That was low.' - 'Yeah.'

Aren't you forgetting one thing?

- Samuels can't stand you. - Hey, you know, that's right.

Samuels would love to see you go.

Oh, oh, this is how we treat a friend.

Some friend, who borrowed money from each and every one of us.

- Yep, and not paid it back. - Yeah.

That is no reason for you all to turn on me

like a pack of wild animals.

There is your man!

Let's not forget how he conveniently got sick on us

during the meet with the Russians.

- 'Yeah.' - I-I-I had stomach trouble.

- 'Oh, come on.' - Yeah, no guts.

- Low blow, Dennis. - 'Okay, wait a minute.'

Let's be honest, we all know Jawaharlal chickened out on us

but there'd be a lot more room around here if Dennis left.

- 'Ooh, that's true.' - 'Well, that's right.'

You wanna play rough? You wanna play rough? Fine!

At least I'm stable

unlike Ms. Squeaky Fromme over here.

[indistinct chatter]

- He's right. Maria's cuckoo. - Mm-hmm.

Well, what about the meet with Bronx Science

when Simone choked up on us?

See?

Are you people really this insecure?

You're acting like a bunch of paranoid vultures.

Oh, and you're that secure, huh?

Yeah, Dr. Samuels would never dream

of unloading his perfect little princess, would he?

Well, I can't help it if I'm perfect.

- Oh.. - Oh, come on!

Get real. What about that car you stole?

- Wait, whoa, wait a minute-- - She stole a car?

I didn't steal a car.

The neighbors left their keys in the car

and I moved it for them.

- Into the living room? - Oh..

I said sorry.

Listen, all Dr. Samuels is going to look at

are our grades, right?

And the person with the lowest GPA...is Sarah.

- Oh, that's true. - You know, she's got a point.

That was low.

That was so low I can't find you.

And you're supposed to be my best friend.

Way to go, Sarah.

- That is the way to nail her. - 'Yeah.'

What do we need a ten-year-old kid in here for?

Why don't you go to college where you belong?

[indistinct chatter]

Stop it! Stop it! Just stop it!

Now I'm ashamed of all of us.

I thought we had something special together.

I thought we were a family.

Well, I'll quit

if the rest of you will stop attacking each other.

Simone..

...I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you.

We'll miss you and we'll never forget your sacrifice.

Just a minute, senator. What about you?

Do you really think that you're invulnerable?

Frankly? Yes.

In all modesty, I present the right image for the program.

I am not a slob computer geek

'I am not a stereotypical nerd..'

...and I'm certainly not a pre-pubescent freak.

And not to mention the most important factor

I'm Dr. Samuels' favorite.

Oh, right! You mean you were Dr. Samuels' favorite.

Did you see the way Samuels was all over Billy Chin?

Looks like it's bye-bye, big shot.

- Bye, Alan. Bye-bye. - No, no, wait, wait, wait.

We're forgetting something.

Billy Chin is a mathematical genius.

And the fact of the matter is

we don't need two math jockeys on the team.

- 'Oh, yeah.' - Wait, wait a minute.

- You don't mean-- - Yeah, yeah, I do mean it.

Well, I thought we're friends! Doesn't that count for anything?

Oh, please don't do this to me, Dennis, please!

- Arvid! - Please don't do this.

Arvid, why don't you try to hold on

to what's left of your dignity?

Don't make this any messier than it is.

Do you think it's easy for me to say these things?

Yes, I think it is.

You're a shallow, selfish egocentric, insensitive

greedy, superfluous

gluttonous mass of hypocrisy, sadism and all--

- Are you just about through? - No, you also interrupt me.

[indistinct yelling]

I don't know what the trouble is here

but, uh, you do have a few minutes before class begins

so why don't you settle it amongst yourselves?

Incidentally, I applaud the absence

of hard-edged weapons.

Look, this is getting us nowhere.

I say we vote on who leaves, alright?

- Fine. - 'Okay.'

And whoever gets the most votes

goes to Dr. Samuels and voluntarily resigns

unless there are any objections.

Not at all.

Ditto.

[instrumental music]

- "Jawaharlal." - Oh.

Well, so much for your stupid idea of voting.

Everybody got one vote.

Stuff it, Alan, if I could get just one person

to switch votes, you'd be out of here.

Oh, you got about as much chance of doing that

as getting the ERA passed.

- He's gone. That's it. - Wait a minute.

- You can't do that. - Goodbye.

[indistinct yelling]

Okay, freeze.

Talk to me, anybody. What's going on?

Billy Chin is coming here.

Yeah, so we were voting to see who leaves.

What, someone is leaving?

It's the IHP charter, Mr. Moore.

It says the class can't exceed ten students.

So, Billy Chin is in, and you're voting one of you out.

That is cold.

But it was good in one way. The truth came out.

Yeah, at least now, we know what we think about each other.

Yeah, no more phony friendships.

Yeah, I sure learned a lot about friendship and loyalty

and hypocrisy and betrayal!

Hey, Arv, anyone ever tell you

you're even more of a jerk when you're angry?

- Oh, did you hear that? - Okay, hold it, that's enough.

That's enough.

Now, it so happens

that I just came from a, a chance meeting

with Dr. Samuels in the faculty lounge

where he's retching in an ashtray

because he just learned, it seems

that Billy Chin is going to Bronx Science.

So...you can relax.

Listen, everybody, I think we all said some things

we didn't mean before

but I'm confident that we can put it all behind us

and come together as friends, right?

Put a sock in it, Simone.

Yeah, too little too late for that Pollyanna act of yours

of which I'm getting extremely tired.

Alan, kiss off.

[school bell ringing]

Well, it's nice to be a happy little family again, isn't it?

So, uh, let's go to school.

The 1987 Disarmament Conference

'filled with infighting, manipulation'

'obstructionism, dissension.'

And that was just the American side.

Russians had their own problems.

The rest of us living under the threat

of a nuclear nightmare

wallow in our own petty emotions.

Anger, frustration, impatience.

An increasingly typical portrait of today's teenagers.

Is it our fault or society's?

Never seen such smart kids do so many dumb things to each other.

But then again, we are society.

You know, I think the real problem

is that the people don't even listen anymore.

I destroyed the academic team.

I didn't mean to do it, I was trying to make them invincible.

Look what happened.

I blew it with Billy Chin and the rest of the kids.

Well, they can't function

because they hate each other's guts.

1943 Philadelphia Athletics.

What does this have to do with anything?

They hated each other, too.

And they won the World Series, anyway, right?

- Yes? - No.

Last place, 50 games out.

Is this supposed to make me feel better?

No. It gives me an idea.

[instrumental music]

Your essays on the Geneva Disarmament talks.

Well, uh, uh, I can't find my grade here.

Oh, oh, just look for the giant flashing F.

I can't find mine, either.

It's right there on the top.

"Okay?" You gave me an okay?

No, I gave you an okay.

- Where's my grade? - That is your grade.

Mine just says, "It's not bad." What's that mean?

It's better than not good.

"Bitchin'?"

Mr. Moore, what is this?

Well, it's no big deal.

I just decided to stop giving you grades

till after the semester.

- What? - You can't do that to us.

Mr. Moore, you're putting our academic standing

in serious jeopardy.

Yes, this is gonna affect our grade-point average

our entire future.

Pardon my frankness, Mr. Moore, but this is a dumb idea.

There are rules you have to follow. You can't do this.

Wrong, Sarah, I can do anything. I'm the teacher.

[instrumental music]

Good morning, everybody.

Yesterday's pop quizzes. Come and get 'em.

[school bell ringing]

Hey, I got a "Far out!"

- I'm getting better. - Yeah.

This is a grade? "Talk to me, mama?"

[exhales sharply] "A buffo."

So far I've gotten a "Groovy" and "A buffo."

You're doing good.

Mr. Moore, I think it's only fair to tell you

that you're about to run into some very serious opposition.

Oh, yeah?

We don't like getting something like

"Zowie plus" for a grade.

You don't?

We're prepared to have our parents

form an action committee.

- Oh, you are? - And send a petition.

And hire a killer lawyer.

A lawyer.

I'm not used to making passionate speeches.

- You're not? - I have to warn you.

We're really fired up about this

and we're going to take this one all the way to the mall.

- To the mall? - He means the wall.

Mr. Moore, this isn't fair.

- We need grades. - You do?

Okay, forget about me for a moment.

- What about Sarah? - Well, what about her?

[scoffs] She's worked too hard for you to mess it up now.

- 'Oh, she has?' - 'Oh, yeah.'

Think about Maria.

- She's a grade junkie. - She is?

You can't ask her to go cold turkey.

It could push her over the edge.

Yeah! Yeah.

Arvid needs real grades to get into MIT.

- He does? - Yes!

He's not gonna get in with his personality.

And-and-and Caltech is considering

Dennis for a scholarship.

They know they'll never get the tuition out of him.

Oh, so you know, you owe me at least--

Mr. Moore, please, reconsider.

- Okay. - What?

(all) Okay?

Yeah, I give up.

That's it?

You're caving in just when you had

these bedwetters on the ropes?

Yeah. You win. I'll start giving you grades again.

- Alright! - How cool!

- Maria, we made it. - Yes!

Oh, hey! Whoo!

Wait a minute. I think we've been taken for a ride.

Yes, you have.

And the bus stops in Philadelphia.

Oh.

Well, that narrows this down

to the Liberty Bell, Dick Clark or cream cheese.

Baseball, 1943

Philadelphia Athletics.

They weren't doing very well because they hated each other.

And their manager, the legendary Connie Mack

decided if they hated him instead of each other

at least they'd be doing something together as a team.

Now, unfortunately, it didn't work for the Athletics

because even when they were together as a team

they weren't very talented, but you're different.

And it goes without saying

that you're gonna get into all the best schools

and you're gonna be successful..

...but do you want to be the kind of people

that sacrifice your friends

or people you don't even know

'because of your own fears?'

You know, it got ugly in here.

Yeah. I'm embarrassed.

Right. I mean, things went too far even for me.

And I meant half the things I said.

Mr. Moore, can I say something to my buddy Arvid?

Arvid, um, I'm sorry I blamed everything on you

and made you the scapegoat for the whole thing.

I didn't mean it, and I really hope you can forgive me.

Well, um, thank you, Dennis

and, and I hope you'll forget that I called you

a, a zit looking for a place to happen.

You didn't call me that.

Oh, I-I was going to, but you interrupted me again. Ha-ha.

Well, I-I know that underneath it all

lies a, a heart of, uh, pure friendship.

Isn't that sweet? Young nerds in love.

Excuse me, Mr. Moore, we have a visitor.

Hi. Hi, Arvid.

Hey, Billy.

I just wanted to say to you all that I was really impressed

when I visited here

and explain that the reason

why I chose Bronx Science was..

Well, it wasn't because it's a better school or anything

but the fact is my girlfriend goes there.

But, hey, you guys are great.

You know, the one thing I like the most about this class is

you all stick together.

None of that cut-throat competition stuff

that you usually see.

Oh, well, anyways, uh, good luck

and I'll see you around.

One big happy family.

It's-it's beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful.

Guess there are some things even Billy Chin doesn't know.

[instrumental music]

Hey, don't feel bad.

Uh, maybe you could talk his girlfriend

into transferring to Fillmore.

Hm.

- Dr. Samuels? - Yes?

If you had to get rid of one person in the room

who would it be?

I mean, a student.

I'll tell my mother.

I was just kiddin'.

You know, I love all my kids.

You didn't answer the question.

No, I didn't.

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