Original subtitles

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- Arvid? - Mommy!

I-I'm sorry, Simone.

You don't sneak up on me like that. I was just--

Aren't we jumpy today.

Arvid, if you can't handle the pressure

why are you in the science fair?

We are in the science fair this Friday

because we have a talent for science.

Just like you're on the debating team

because you have a big mouth.

The difference is, if I enter a debate, I win.

You'll be fine, Arvid, really.

Arvid, if I don't win the science fair, I hope you do.

- Do you mean that? - No.

Come on, Arvid. Finding a cure for emotionally unstable vermin?

[scoffs] Get real.

Hey, first of all, they are not vermin

they are laboratory rats.

[sighs] What's the difference?

Still sounds like a Mickey Mouse project to me.

Second of all, they're not emotionally unstable.

They are in a state of depression.

What a crock. I mean, how can you tell when a rat's depressed?

There are definite clinical indications.

Oh, oh, you mean like..

[as rat] Uh, hiya, Marty, wanna go around

and spread the bubonic plague today?

No, you guys go ahead without me.

The only reason you're blasting my project

is 'cause you're having problems with yours.

[sighs] My project happens to be a killer.

I'm demonstrating how the moon Io will careen out of orbit

and crash into Jupiter 170,000 years from now

thus releasing a burst of neutrinos and gamma rays

thereby increasing the temperature of the Earth

to count them two full degrees.

I better load up on Bermuda shorts.

Every year these two feebs argue about who's gonna win

the science fair and every year Arthur Fisher kicks their butts.

Earth to Eric, Arthur Fisher graduated, remember?

- 'Yeah.' - 'That's right.'

That's right, which means I can go from here

to the city finals to the state to national

and maybe even the internationals.

Ah, and I thought the basketball playoffs were endless.

Has either one of you ever considered the fact

that you may both lose?

- No, never considered. No. - How? Who's gonna beat us?

- Sarah. - Yeah.

With my automated, servo-controlled

anti-brachial manipulator.

Beg your pardon?

That's techno speak. It's a robotic arm.

Techno speak? I like it.

Sarah, please, let me be the first to crush your dream.

The only chance you have at winning a prize

is if they give out one for Miss Congeniality.

And you'll get yours for being best float.

[bell rings]

Mr. Moore, over here.

Mr. Vladimir's latest marriage is falling apart.

He's a basket case.

Phone calls, lawyers.

You can't judge a science fair while you're crying.

So I'm pulling him off the panel.

- You'll be one of the judges. - I'll be one of the judges.

Sh. Let it be a surprise for the kids.

Sure.

- Mr. Moore-- - You are--

Please, please, please, hold it. Hold it, hold it.

N-no, no influence peddling, okay?

Now, I'd like each of you to pick up

your manually operated linear pigmentation deposition tubes

and copy down these facts

from the vertical inscriptive surface.

So anyway, I think I can prove that therapeutic doses

of artificial sunlight and protein

will make these rats healthier and happier than these rats.

I mean, think of the implications for mankind.

[bell rings]

Oh, gotta go now, Melvin. Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

You gave them all names?

Well, not all of them, but Melvin here is really depressed.

I'm trying to build up his self-esteem.

Yes, I am. Yes, I..

Oh, yes, little baby.

So long.

Who is he trying to kid?

He's got about as much a chance

of winning the science fair as you do.

Yeah. As I do?

Yeah, who cares if Jupiter blows up in 170,000 years?

Mutual of Jupiter?

[laughs]

Oh, Sarah, you astrophysics Philistine.

'You know, I think that the future of the galaxy'

'might just be a little more important'

'than your five-fingered folly.'

Dennis, watch out! The rats are escaping!

[screaming]

Do something! Do something!

(Dennis) 'What? Oh, here, vermin.'

Look, look, there goes another one.

- 'Stop! Breath!' - Grab them, Dennis! Grab them!

I'm not gonna grab them. They're rats! You grab 'em!

Oh, God.

Where, where, where do you think they went?

I don't know. They were sad and lonely and depressed.

They probably went to a Bergman film.

Arvid, Arvid loved those rats.

[sighs] I know.

It was as if they were his life's work.

[grunts] What are we gonna do?

- We? - Me. Me. What am I gonna do?

- Well, you have to tell him. - I can't.

- Then I will. - No!

No, you can't do that. It'll kill him.

And-and he's not gonna believe this was an accident.

He's gonna think I intentionally sabotaged his project.

Well, you can't lie to him.

I won't lie to him. Rat lookalikes.

- You wouldn't. - What's the difference?

Rats are rats.

Dennis, you are not getting rat lookalikes.

[sighs] No, no, of course not. Don't be silly.

Oh, come on, would I do something like that?

[bell rings]

- Okay. Ah, today-- - 'Yahoo!'

I did it!

I did it! Whoo! Whoo!

Would you care to be a little more specific?

I discovered the cure for depression!

Oh, well, next time I suggest you try a half dose.

Come on, Arvid. What is it?

The rats, they're happy! It's beautiful!

Yesterday they were just lying in their sawdust.

Today they're practically doing aerobics.

Woo-wie!

Mr. Moore, I have got the science fair won!

Well, Arvid, let's wait until Friday, shall we?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, today we're gonna be talking about defense.

Dennis, you creep.

I'm just buying time until I tell him, okay?

At least you could have gotten depressed rats.

They were depressed until I saved them.

I bought 'em from a guy who was gettin' ready to feed 'em

to his boa constrictor.

Now somewhere in between that

are the defense budgets of 153 other nations.

Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore, can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

Not as a judge of the science fair

but as a teacher.

Try me.

Arvid didn't cure diddly.

Dennis accidently let the rats escape

and replaced the bummed out ones

with rats that are on a natural high.

Dennis promised that he would tell Arvid, but..

Mr. Moore, I did not expect this to happen.

Well, you realize, uh, now that I know this

as a judge, I have to disqualify Arvid from the science fair.

Ethically, I-I have to tell Dr. Samuels before Friday

which I don't wanna do.

So unless you can convince Dennis to tell Arvid..

...you'll have to tell him yourself.

Oh, no, this is gonna be awful. Arvid is gonna be crushed.

Well, better now than in front of the entire school.

Now here's Jupiter. See?

Here's Io in a few different phases.

But this is nothing.

I have been slaving for months over this

printing out miles and miles of data.

Who cares, Dennis? Why haven't you told Arvid the truth?

Is it my fault if Arvid is never around?

- What? - Arvid.

Dennis has something he wants to tell you.

Why don't I go get us something to eat?

- Dennis! - Hey, gee, thanks.

- What would you guys like? - Well, I don't know.

I think maybe, uh, uh..

He forgot to take my order.

- Arvid, about your rats-- - They're great, aren't they?

You know, I've grown so close to them over the past few months

I'm starting to run the other way whenever I see a cat.

- I know, Arvid-- - Look at Melvin.

Oh, my God! Quick, start with the neutralizer.

- The neutralizer! - Oh, forget it, Arvid.

They're ruined.

I'm dead. I'm dead!

He's gonna think I did this on purpose

to get him out of the science fair.

- Oh, what am I gonna do? - You have to tell him.

Are you kidding? He'll murder me!

Well, you can't hide from this.

Y-yes, I can. I-I'll get plastic surgery and change my face.

- What? - I-I was gonna do it, anyway.

No, Arvid. Don't put this off.

Believe me, deal with it honestly

or it'll turn into a nightmare.

You're right, you're right. I have got it.

- Lookalike pictures. - No.

He will never know the difference.

No, Arvid, just tell Dennis the truth.

I got some pictures from his big "Space Atlas"

and I blew them up to match Dennis'.

His project looks the same as it did before.

It took me all night, but I did it.

- I don't believe this. - Don't worry, he will.

Morning, kids. How's it going today?

Great.

Unfortunately worse than yesterday.

- Did you, uh-- - Don't even ask.

Can you believe it? I mean, can you believe it?

Calm down, it's not that big a deal.

Not that big a deal? Not that big a deal?

When McDonald's announced a new lettuce and tomato hamburger

that wasn't a big deal!

This is a big deal!

Dennis, uh, what's the big deal?

Mr. Moore, thank God you're here.

You gotta see this.

In this picture, look.

Everything in the picture, totally unfocused, right?

- Hmm. - Except down in this corner.

See the blur? It's moving through all the pictures.

- That can only mean one thing. - Well, yeah, De-Dennis, I-I--

You can forget about winning any science fair, pal.

I have discovered an asteroid!

- What about Io? - Forget Io.

That's nothing compared to my discovery.

This is, this is paper. This is numbers.

Meaningless. Totally meaningless.

I am gonna be famous.

I have discovered an asteroid.

It'll be named after me.

Asteroid 4286 Blunden.

Mr. Moore, I gotta talk to you again.

- No asteroid? - You got it.

Yeah!

Well, Sarah, have things become messy enough for you?

Yup.

You do see that we're headed for a real train wreck

this Friday at the science fair.

Yup.

You realize that because you've withheld

the truth from both Dennis and Arvid

and they've kept it from each other

I'm gonna be forced to tell Dr. Samuels.

Yup.

Mr. Moore, think about this concept.

Two first prize winners.

Two Fillmore entries in the city finals.

Well, I hate to be the one to burst two balloons, Dr. Sam--

Uh, uh, not trying to influence the judge now.

But just let it marinate, huh?

- But what-what I-- - No, no, no.

So you think I should make Dennis and Arvid

tell each other the truth?

Yeah.

And you're suggesting that I do it immediately?

Yup.

Because you've just realized

that by not saying anything to Dr. Samuels

you're in this just as deep as I am.

Yup.

(Maria) 'Sarah, can you hurry it up?'

'We're gonna be late for the movie.'

I have to finish this.

Sarah, face the truth.

I mean, the only way you can win is if Dennis' asteroid

is like some horrible mistake

or-or if Arvid's rats all run away.

- Let's go to the movie. - Okay.

Great.

- I'll catch up. - Okay.

Arvid, you have to tell Dennis what you did.

- Yeah, okay. I will. - Scout's honor?

Dennis. Dennis. All promises off, Dennis.

Either you tell Arvid what you did or I will.

Okay, okay, that's why I'm here, alright?

Just leave the two of us alone.

- 'Sarah.' - Coming.

I'll handle it. Don't worry. Go.

- Hi, Arvid. - Hi, Dennis.

- How's it going? - Good.

[sighs] Arvid, um..

...something I gotta tell you.

[sighs]

There's something I have to tell you too.

- Why don't you go first? - No, you go first.

- No, please. - Oh, please, be a dear.

- I insist-- - No, you gotta go. You go--

- Why don't we flip and see-- - Good idea.

Alright.

- I'll flip, you call it. - Okay.

- Call it in the air. - Alright.

Uh, heads, no tails. Heads. Heads. Tails.

Oh, oh, oh, unh, unh, unh, it's heads, it's heads.

Arvid! Arvid!

[electricity crackles]

Oops.

Oops?

You just destroyed Sarah's project

and all you could say is oops?

I destroyed her project?

I tried to save the thing, you're the

you're the dipstick who almost knocked over the table.

Oh, yeah? Well-well-well, who-who's the shmoid

who flipped the coin under the table

so the dipstick had to go get it?

Oh.

Okay, okay, we're both responsible.

Alright?

The question is

what are you gonna do about it?

What? Me?

- Us. We gotta tell her. - Why?

We'll fix it. Come on, she'll never know the difference.

We're smart guys. We ought to be able to fix that thing.

Uh, Dennis, that goes against everything I-I believe in.

Yeah, me too.

Hand me that wrench.

Sarah, we're running out of time.

I know, and I feel so guilty.

Tomorrow I'm gonna win the science fair

and I'm gonna have to live with the shame

for the rest of my life.

Psst, Mr. Moore, I'm glad I found you alone.

- I have to talk to somebody. - I'm not surprised.

I feel terrible.

I'm gonna win the science fair and I don't deserve it.

Who does?

This may come as a shock to you

but both Dennis and Sarah's project are scientific lemons.

- Sarah's? - Well, there was an accident.

We tried to fix her mechanical hand

but all it can do now is perform a function

which may prove to be embarrassing

in front of a panel of judges.

What does it do?

It makes a certain gesture.

- Care to elaborate? - No.

Psst, Mr. Moore.

Can I talk to you before class?

Yeah, I know. You're about to win first prize

in the science fair and you're not gonna feel good about it.

Am I that transparent?

No, and I'm not that perceptive either.

It's just that I'm way ahead of you, okay?

Now, uh, run along to class.

"Those who cannot remember the past

are condemned to repeat it."

- George Santayana. - Right.

Dreyfus case, Watergate, Iran-Contra scam.

Uh, people do not seem to learn

that you can't cover up a problem

with trickery and deceit.

'Of course, you're all gifted, you know that.'

Mr. Moore, why are you telling us this in the science lab?

It's just that, uh, tomorrow is the science fair

and I thought we could combine history with a sneak peak

at the IHP projects just sort of as a show of support.

Oops.

Mr. Moore, you just broke somebody's science project.

Do you intend to do something about it?

Well, I am.

I'm gonna cover it up. Now I'll need your help.

You're all familiar with the code of silence.

[all clamoring]

'Look, I'm gonna sneak in here later'

and put it back together, okay?

You can't put it back together the way it was.

No, I can put it back together well enough

that whoever made it will never know the difference.

[clamoring]

Do you wanna begin, Dennis?

Thank you, everyone, thank you.

Dennis.

Believe me, I, I always thought I'd take a lot of great pleasure

in having what might well be the find of the decade.

[sighs] But I don't.

And that's because I'm competing against two people

who are my very closest and dearest friends and, uh--

Stop it! Stop it! I can't stand it anymore!

Dennis, I destroyed your project.

My project is an asteroid. How can you destroy that?

It's not your asteroid.

It's Henry Markel's, 1937.

I took the pictures out of a book.

- 'How could you do that?' - You what?

It's true, it was an accident.

I was there when Arvid spilled the acids on your original.

- You what? - I'm sorry.

You stood there and you let me rip up a year's worth of data

and all you can say is you're sorry?

Okay, okay.

I'm really sorry.

Dennis, you ripped up your own project.

Yeah, Dennis, it's not as bad as what you did to Arvid's project.

Oh, that's different. That was an a-a..

- That was an accident. - What accident?

Arvid, I accept your apology.

- These things happen, right? - What accident?

Arvid, Arvid. Just tell him the truth, Dennis.

Arvid, I feel sick about it.

One minute, I was admiring Melvin

and the next minute, he and his buddies were gone.

I replaced them with rat lookalikes.

You mean, you mean that's not Melvin?

If it's any consolation to you at all

I think getting out may have cured their depression.

Yeah, Arvid, they looked real happy as they were leaving.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, I think it's Sarah's turn.

Okay.

I just wanna say to both Arvid and Dennis

that I knew about both the accidents

and I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

And I also wanna say that I think it's a shame

that you're both out of the science fair.

Very nice of you, Sarah. Isn't it, fellas?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, let's have a look at your project.

Well, I guess this is the prize winner.

Okay, just let me hit this switch here.

- Sarah! - Sarah! Sarah, don't!

(Darlene) 'That's disgusting!'

[laughing]

My robot! My robot! Who broke my robot?

We-we didn't break it. It-it was an accident.

We-we tried to fix it. Uh, sort of.

How could you do this to me?

Well, if it's any consolation to you

Arvid is sorry.

Really sorry.

We're both sorry. We should've told you.

You know, somebody should've told somebody something.

Yeah. Well, did anybody learn anything, anyway?

Uh, yeah.

This IHP is gonna suck eggs at the science fair.

How are we gonna break this to Dr. Samuels?

I'll take care of Dr. Samuels.

But I want you to think about Sir Walter Scott

who said "Oh, what a tangled web we weave

when first we practice to deceive."

Don't you think that's a little self-righteous

coming from someone who just wrecked some poor kid's project

and stuffed it in a drawer?

- Yeah, Mr. Moore. - You're just as guilty.

It so happens that this is my science project.

And I think it performed rather well on its first time out.

What is it?

Uh, it's heuristic interactive voracity extractor.

Heuristic, problem solving.

Voracity, truth.

A truth extractor.

Yeah, it's a little old-fashioned

but you know, most of what we say about the truth

is sort of a cliché.

I mean, "Honesty is the best policy."

"The truth shall set you free."

Uh, damn it, there's something to it, you know?

[humming "God Bless America"]

Well, it-it can be hard.

'You know, it-it can be painful'

but between countries or..

...or-or even between branches of the same government

'uh, especially between friends'

there is no substitute for the truth!

Thank you. Thank you, my fellow Americans.

Thank you.

Arthur Fisher graduates, so who wins the science fair?

Joey Fisher, his brother.

We can't catch a break.

- Morning. - Morning, sir.

About that Fisher dynasty, huh?

Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

Arvid, did you lose this?

Melvin!

[theme music]