Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Oh, uh, Charlie, Dr. Samuels wanted to speak to you.

And listen, uh, don't mention his hair.

- His hair? - Yeah, well, he..

He's using a formula on it to make it darker

and he doesn't want anybody to notice.

Okay? Charlie, please.

- I won't say a word. - Alright.

- His hair. - Yes.

[knocks]

(Samuels) 'Come in.'

Something funny?

No, no, I'm just feeling cheery.

That makes one of us.

See this?

Brooklyn Tech's academic team.

It looks almost human.

You see the one on the end with the muscles and the short hair?

'In the dark suit, regimental tie?'

I hate her.

Marilyn Schultz.

Vice principal and coach.

I will not let this woman beat me.

I wouldn't let her beat me either.

We meet again Wednesday.

And you want me to--

Make sure the IHP is focused on the match.

Don't do anything to distract them.

Thank you, that's all.

Yes?

Is it the light in here? You look so much younger.

I do?

You are taking vitamins?

Yes.

'Jogging?'

Yes, vitamins and jogging.

Works.

L-Lori, c-could we, could we get real for a second?

I-I get the distinct impression that you don't go for me.

Oh, no, Arvid, that's not true at all.

Out of all the guys I don't wanna go out with

you're number one on my list.

Thanks.

Pretty soon, you're gonna pass Reggie Jackson

in career strikeouts.

Actually, this is very encouraging.

I'm at the top of the list of the guys

she doesn't wanna go out with.

I-I just have to make it to the bottom of the list

of the guys she will go out with.

Arvid, I-I think I may have the solution to your problem.

Yeah?

If you're willing to take a leap

into the unknown.

- Morning, everyone. - Good morning.

Congratulations, I hear you beat Brooklyn Tech.

Would you believe, by only one point?

- What happened? - It was two hours after lunch.

They are low nerd sugar.

It's a good thing Maria came through at the buzzer.

Alright, Maria.

[chuckles] It wasn't a big deal, really.

I beat a guy with metachromatic leukodystrophy.

You took advantage of a sick person?

He didn't have it, Eric. He couldn't spell it.

[bell rings]

Okay, today I'd like to start--

Excuse me, Mr. Moore, uh, as captain of the team

I'd like to make a suggestion.

I know this meet means as much to you as it does to us.

So I wonder if you would postpone your lesson

and let us practice instead.

- No. - Thank you.

Okay, now today--

While we're still on the subject of Brooklyn Tech..

...I have to tell you guys something really

funny that happened.

- What? - I don't know.

You might think it's weird.

- What? - 'No, never mind.'

Well, I don't know, you might like it.

No, no, forget it, forget it.

Just tell us!

Well, it is really amazing.

Please tell us.

One of the guys on the other team called me

and he asked me out.

That's great. Which one?

- The captain, Jeff. - He really called you?

Can you believe it? He asked me on a date.

The question is, do you believe it?

Oh, well, not at first, but then I had little talk with myself.

Well, I think we've all learned

how low the Brooklyn Techies will stoop.

- I knew you would say that. - Excuse me.

Uh, what does this mean?

Obviously, they're sending in their best man

to confuse Maria.

A love commando.

They'll do anything. Their Ethics teacher's name is Swifty.

Now you're saying that the only reason

this guy asked Maria out is to mess up the team.

That's ridiculous.

Yeah, maybe he asked because he liked me, Dennis.

[chuckles]

Maria, wake up.

I hate to say this, but there is a very good possibility

you're being used.

You know, Maria, he is a Techie.

I mean, maybe Darlene's right.

Now you're saying that she shouldn't date him

because he attends a different school.

It's also his looks.

He's a real toad? Oh, now I understand.

What, he's, uh, about this height, covered with warts, huh?

Or, uh, just one large wart with little legs.

(Maria) 'No, no.'

No, he's got blond hair and blue eyes

and nice teeth, you know.

Robert Redford.

- 'Yeah.' - 'Definitely.'

No, it's really interesting--

- Oh, come on. - Maria.

(Maria) 'What? He does a lot of volunteer work.'

He reads to the blind and..

He's a Big Brother on weekends.

He says he wants to go to Harvard Medical School.

Oh, pff, it just makes you furious

that slime like that is loose on the streets.

Wait a minute, Maria.

How do you know so much about him?

Well, when he called, we talked.

How long?

Minutes?

How many minutes?

A hundred and twenty three.

I rest my case.

Has anybody here ever seen a hockey game?

Of course not. Uh..

But, well, these guys play rough.

You know, they hit each other with sticks.

They knock each other's teeth out.

After the game is over, they talk to each other.

They sound like this, but they talk.

So what is it that makes

you and Brooklyn Tech such mortal enemies?

You just don't understand, Mr. Moore.

We're very competitive and this is very important to us.

A-anyway, Maria, we're doing you a big favor.

I mean, come on, the guy's too good-looking to be real.

Oh, maybe you're just jealous.

- Ooh. - Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm jealous of a Robert Redford clone.

Are you kidding?

Uh, what does he have that I don't have?

[laughs]

Actually, it's all that extra stuff that you have

that he doesn't have.

(Charlie) 'Okay, listen.'

You're competing against some of the most

interesting people you'll ever meet.

So what's wrong with meeting them?

It's no big deal, Maria.

You wanna date a guy who's better looking

than Robert Redford, do it.

I don't think that the academic team is going to fall apart.

'And now if we could just try to sneak in'

'a few minutes of actual teaching.'

'List of isms.'

I'd like you to choose one ism

and examine how it affected a world crisis.

Here it is.

"The Power Of Hypnotic Suggestion."

Well, even if I'm hypnotized, I'll still look the same.

Not you, her.

Under a controlled condition

you suggest that she go out with you.

Oh.

I'm shocked, I'm sick, I'm upset.

What? William F. Buckley turned commie?

No, they won, it's over.

Uh, who-who won what?

You will not believe what I just saw.

Maria and Jeff from Brooklyn Tech.

He dropped her off in front of the school.

- No. - Mission accomplished.

She's gonna be useless when we play them in tonight's game.

Hi.

Maria, how could you ride in a car with that creep?

He dropped me off at school. What is the big deal?

The big deal is your mind will be on romance

and not the next question

'which is just the way they want it.'

Isn't it about time we gave this Brooklyn Tech thing a rest?

Oh, it's escalating, thanks to you.

Maria took your advice and now she's dating Jeff.

Great.

[bell rings]

They're not stupid, Mr. Moore.

They wanna win.

Dennis, you can't be serious!

Wait, wait, wait, one way to win

is-is to find a-a lonely, needy, vulnerable person

a-and try to play on their insecurities.

My God, I could be next.

You know, I work so hard at trying to keep my grades up

and trying to help this team

that I don't even have time for social life anymore.

Like none.

So when a nice-looking, interesting guy

who looks like Robert Redford asks me out, I'd like to go.

I don't care what school he goes to.

Okay, Maria, that's great. You've got a boyfriend. Yippee!

I mean, how about showing the rest of the team some loyalty

or are you gonna let your behavior

be governed by your hormones?

Your team is in trouble and you don't care.

I do care.

You, you guys are my best friends.

Admit it, Alan, you're saying that you don't trust me.

Okay, I don't trust you. I don't think anybody here does.

You've to make a choice. Him or us.

Sorry, Maria, you're either with us or you're against us.

Make up your mind.

Listen up, everyone!

The bus will be here at 4:30.

We will eat our pregame meal in a Brooklyn Tech cafeteria.

Nothing heavy. Just brain food.

Fishcakes.

Any questions? Any problems, uh..

Uh, no, no problems.

Yes, I do have a problem.

What is it, Maria?

- I quit. - 'What?'

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, one problem.

Woah, did you see these headlines this morning?

Here, look at this. "Fillmore High eats one."

So what's it gonna be, huh?

Group harakiri?

Uh, maybe jump off a stack of cliff notes?

Please, Eric, I feel bad enough as it is.

How could I not think of Lepidoptera?

Hey, don't blame yourself, Arvid. Blame Maria.

See that creep, Jeff?

High-fivin' everybody like it was a stupid football game

or something.

I didn't realize what a difference Maria makes.

She makes no difference.

We lost because we weren't prepared.

We were prepared, Alan. We needed Maria.

- Okay, Arvid. - Shh.

This will cheer you up.

Ready?

"If the subject is a truly suggestible personality

"the modern hypnotist has merely to say to the patient

"in a conversational manner

"phrases like relax..

...clear your mind of all thoughts."

I like this. I mean, this could work.

"Just wash everything away.

"You're feeling very, very content.

Very, very, very happy."

So I mean..

Arvid?

Arvid?

Look at me, man.

Hello.

Mr. Moore, can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure. What's up?

I don't know, I'm just really confused

about quitting the team and everything.

See..

...there are things that I could have told them there

that I didn't tell them and if I did tell them

it would have straightened everything out.

[chuckles]

See, when I was in the car with Jeff

it felt great that he liked me

and I know he really did like me.

And well, anyway, what I was saying to Jeff was

"Are you crazy? Of course, I wanna go out with you.

"I just wanna wait till after the Academic Olympics

because everything's just too confusing right now."

And he agreed with me.

But I really wanted to go out with him.

But I just thought I would be letting my team down

so I didn't and then they dumped all over me, anyway.

'See, I don't ever wanna talk to them again'

'and then at the same time, I'm confused'

because I miss them and I wanna tell them

that I wanna be back on the team again.

'Don't you see? I left because they didn't trust me.'

If I go crawling back to them to take me back now

how will I ever know if they trust me?

Well, that's true, you won't, so--

You know what I like about you?

Your advice is like really grownup.

It doesn't look like advice

and it doesn't sound like advice.

Let's face it, it isn't.

But it's nice.

[chuckles]

Wake up! Arv..

Hang on, Arv.. Okay, okay, okay.

Arvid, listen to me.

"You want to awaken. It's time to.."

Arvid.

"It's time to return from the peaceful void.

"You..

Your pleasant journey has ended."

[bell rings]

Wow, I feel so relaxed.

It worked. You were, you were under it.

- I was? - Yeah.

Do I know what I'm talkin' about or what?

Wow.

You're ready for Lori.

Well, I can't do it myself.

Don't worry, I'll be with ya.

Morning, everybody.

- Morning. - Morning.

I know, I know, you lost.

If it's any consolation

this even happens to the Chicago Bears

from time to time.

And yes, the Celtics lose, too

when Larry Bird is on the bench.

But I don't know of a single team

who's given up on a player because of who he's dating.

'Of course.'

Who am I to give you advice? It's your team.

At the moment, it's a losing team.

If you're trying to make us feel guilty, it won't work.

- Guilty? - Excuse me, Mr. Moore.

I think maybe you're right.

Maria made a terrible mistake.

'But now that she's learned her lesson'

we'd all be bad sports

if we didn't allow her back on the team.

Maria, we're willing to forget about you and Jeff.

Just don't let it happen again.

Alan, think about what you just said.

I-I don't think you get it.

You know, I said it before and it bears repeating.

I quit, Alan, and I remain quit.

Well, Maria, we're not gonna beg

if that's what you're hoping for.

You only want me back on the team

'cause you're afraid you're gonna lose without me.

Well, of course. Why else will we want you back?

Am I missing something?

Alan, I think she's talking about friendship.

We should be asking Maria to forgive us

for not trusting her.

Excuse me.

I want this thing with Maria resolved right now.

I want us to go forward and face Brooklyn Tech

not just as a team but as a loving family.

You understand?

A family united in its desire to win.

Not just win, but to wipe them out.

Leave them bleeding on the side walls.

What family are you talking about, the Gambinos?

I am not coming back.

That's it, Maria. I'm ordering you back on the team.

This team is more important than any one person.

With all due respect, Dr. Samuels

no, it isn't.

You stay out of this.

He's right. M-Maria's been our friend

longer than we've had a team.

She is more important.

Well, if she feels she can't be on this team

I can't either.

So guess I quit too.

- 'Simone.' - Oh, no.

- Me too. - What?

I'm gone.

Count me in with the outs.

I wish I was on a team. I could quit too.

The one person who should be quitting is standing here

with his mouth shut.

Will you, please, do something?

Well, there's not a lot I can do.

You guys will really quit for me?

I think that's what they're doing.

If they're not willing to admit what they did was wrong

this is my way of saying I was.

Well, me too.

Hey, Maria.

I was with you all along.

I'm included.

♪ The cheese stands alone ♪♪

What the heck?

Why don't we just make it unanimous?

What's happened to my team?

I think the old team folded

but the new one is much better.

I'll take it.

I don't wanna see this kind of dissention again.

Yeah, it's enough to turn a man's hair

white overnight, isn't it?

Hey, hey, look what time it is.

[laughing]

(Charlie) 'Okay, now the essay should be 500 words in length'

and no footnotes, please.

[bell rings]

- 'See you later.' - 'Later.'

- 'Bye-bye.' - Have a good one.

- 'Okay, you too.' - Bye.

Mr. Moore.

- Thank you. - Thank you?

Well, you didn't offer me any solution

and you didn't give me any advice and..

Well, when I did what I did, you stood by me.

You're welcome.

Um..

Just between the two of us

do you think what I did was the right thing?

Just between the two of us, I think you're great.

[indistinct chatter]

My little winners, way to go.

Off to the district finals.

Dr. Samuels, what happened to your ha..

(all) Go, teams!

So, Lori, I found that for me

the best way to prepare for an exam

is to just relax.

Clear your mind of all thoughts.

Just let everything wash away.

Imagine yourself floating in space.

Very, very happy.

Very content.

Now Arvid has something wonderful to say to you.

Right, Arvid?

Arvid.

Excuse me.

[theme music]