Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Arvid, cool earmuffs.

Oh! Aw, uh, t-thanks.

Uh, uh, Dennis, could I, could I talk to you for a second?

You are talking to me.

Uh, y-you owe me $33 a-and 75 cents.

You've been borrowing lunch money since September.

Now, my dad's birthday is coming up

and I need it by Friday.

Sure. No problem.

Oh, listen, could you lend me another couple of bucks?

Please.

Okay. Okay.

Here, here you go.

Thanks.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Why do I let him do that to me?

Because you're a gumby.

[sighs] Look, Arvid, you gotta force Dennis to pay you back.

How?

[clicks tongue] Well..

...first we gotta get Dennis' attention.

Right.

I-I, I could send him a candy gram.

- No. - Alright.

I have got something else in mind for Dennis.

[bell ringing]

I enjoyed your essays on the Nixon years.

I was puzzled by Alan's.

Eighteen and a half pages were missing.

Ha-ha-ha. Very cute.

"Nicholas Nickleby" a Broadway show

that was a great production.

Yeah, but long, I've gotta find time

to watch these tapes for my English report.

Well, that's a good idea, read the book, see the show.

Well, I don't have time to read the book.

[chuckles] Correct me if I'm wrong

but I believe it's customary to read the book

before you report on it.

That's why it's called a book report.

Mr. Moore, it's this thick.

Why don't you just take your book reports from the TV Guide?

"Gone With The Wind."

[scoffs] Drama, color, three hours.

It'll save you some time.

"Oh, fiddle-dee-dee, Ashley!"

"Scarlet, I love Melanie."

"I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies

Ms. Scarlet!"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

"After all tomorrow is another day."

[applause]

That's, that's great. Can you do "War And Peace?"

We all take shortcuts, Mr. Moore.

I mean, uh, am I gonna need chemistry ten years from now

when I'm suing my ex-husband for child support?

You never know. You might wanna poison him.

Look. I read books because I like 'em.

But then, I gotta play catch up with things like Spanish.

For instance, I got this tape.

Instant Spanish.

It could get you through a two day visit to Spain.

And it got me through my final.

[speaking in Spanish]

What?

Never mind, you just answered my question.

So aren't these things just forms of cheating?

Not really.

So what do you call cheating?

Copying the answers, plagiarism, sneaking stuff into tests.

Uh-huh. Has anyone here ever cheated on a test

or a paper, anything?

Uh, uh, once, I-I wrote all the rivers

of South America on my hand, but I got so nervous

my palm sweated and all the answers, uh, washed out to sea.

[chuckles]

But what was the ultimate result?

You end up swindling yourselves.

[applauding] Nice speech.

I suppose you've never cheated.

I'm not a saint, I just believe

that it's neither necessary nor right to cheat.

Quick, somebody give me some shades, his halo is blinding me.

Sure. That's easy for you to say.

You don't have any idea

of the pressure that we're under.

You wanna talk about pressure?

[chuckles] I have five classes to teach.

I have lessons to prepare.

Papers to correct, exams to grade.

'Not to mention, parent-teacher conferences.'

'Faculty meetings.'

And I'm also taking a night course

in macroeconomics.

- Wow! - Why are you doing that?

Well, uh, board of education says I need it.

I'm impressed. Macroeconomics is a very difficult subject.

You have to at least be moderately gifted.

W-wait a minute, the board of education says

you need this course?

Yeah, turns out I'm shy a couple of credits.

So, if you don't pass this exam

does that mean you're like fired or somethin'?

- Yeah. - What?

'Okay, 1972, China is open..'

[instrumental music]

(Mrs. McClure) And one more thing

the Keynesian income-expenditure approach.

Y is income, C is consumption

I is investment

and G is the government spending too much.

Or Y equals C

'plus I plus G.'

[watch beeps]

Hey..

- You got that? - Uh, yes, I got it.

But what does it mean?

Uh, uh, I don't know what it means, but I got it.

Thank you. And good luck on the final.

Mrs. McClure! Oh, the final next week, huh?

What do you think? Tough? Medium? Easy?

Killer.

- Killer? - Killer.

Oh, Charlie, why did you take an impossible thing

like macroeconomics?

I had no choice.

It was the only history-related course available.

Well, I think that it is basically unfair

that a great teacher could lose his license

because of some piddling little academic deficiency

from his past sneaking up on him.

Oh, Char.. No, I have promised myself I'm not gonna

get sentimental about this.

It's a good promise.

Oh, Charlie, we hardly knew ya.

Mr. Moore, I'd like to tell you something, uh..

Couple of years ago, my wife and I went to a Halloween party.

She as Little Red Riding Hood. I as the Big Bad Wolf.

We were a hit.

We went home afterwards

but we didn't take our costumes off

for the whole weekend.

It was very, very exciting.

Maybe even saved our marriage.

[howling]

Why are you telling me this?

Oh, two reasons.

One, I've always wanted to share this with someone.

And two, after the exam, I'm never gonna see you again.

Capeesh?

Big Bad Wolf, huh? You may regret telling me.

I don't think so.

[instrumental music]

Am I cracking? Look!

That is bizarre, man.

Wh..

Arvid Engen stud?

What? Did something happen to the ozone layer?

[scoffs]

Arvid, was that an optical illusion?

Or did I just see Marlene Castillo

kissing you of her own free will?

I-it's my science project. Synthetic pheromones.

What are pheromones?

You mean, the secretions that some animals give off

to attract the opposite sex?

Well, yeah, I-I've been doing experiments on hamsters.

Ugh, sometimes it works only too well.

My best hamster couple died.

- How? - Happy.

[laughs]

Well, how'd you work your way up from hamsters to Marlene?

Well, unfortunately, I spilled some of the stuff on my hands.

It will wear off soon. Thank God.

Arvid, is this really on the level?

[chuckles] Well, I-I would like to say

that it's my charm Marlene is responding to, but--

Be careful, Arvid.

You're tampering with the forces of nature here.

Yeah, I know it's pretty scary.

What are you? Man or wimps?

I mean, forget about hamsters

you should be trying this stuff with people.

Uh, I-I'd like to, but you know

a scientist shouldn't experiment on himself.

- I'll volunteer. - No, no, no, me.

Well, no, thank-thanks, Eric

but you know, girls are attracted to you anyway.

- That's true. - That's it.

I-I wouldn't know if it were the pheromones

o-or your tight jeans?

See, look, what I need is someone who's not

as successful with women.

No, no offense, Dennis, but maybe--

Offend me? What are you? Ignorant?

Just bring the stuff.

[chuckles] Maybe I shouldn't, I don't--

Arvid, Arvid, Arvid..

...not for me, for science.

You know, if you put it that way.

Yeah? Yo!

[bell ringing]

Germany was so devastated

by the demand for reparation payments

after World War I

they started printing money and they just didn't stop.

So by 1923, inflation was out of control.

Mr. Moore, can I ask you a question?

Certainly.

How did the devaluation of the German mark

affect the Albanian lek

which at that time was tied to the British pound

which is floating freely?

The Albanian lek?

That's what I thought.

[sighs]

Mr. Moore, that is the kind of thing

that could be on your final.

'Yeah.'

Y-you don't seem prepared, M-Mr. Moore.

And we're concerned, you could lose your license.

Look, I took the course, I took my notes.

It'll be rough, but I think I'm ready.

How can we be sure?

Well, I'm sure. Ask me anything.

Okay, uh, here's an easy one.

What is the equilibrium level of the GNP in an economy

in which investment is constant, at say, uh, $300

and the consumption function is described by

C equals 100 plus 0.8 Y?

Good.

Can I, uh, keep the toaster and come back next week?

I, I-I know this, I'm just a little shaky on the formula.

Oh, really? Why does the aggregate demand curve

slope downward?

Gravity? [laughs]

No, no, I-I-I know.

Mr. Moore, tell me please, what is the Philip's curve?

It follows the Philip's fast ball..

Okay, let's go with the formula for marginal revenue product.

Okay, don't help me, don't help me.

Okay, what about random variables or density function?

I-I always get that confused because--

Does the management of aggregate demand

through fiscal policy sound familiar?

- No. - How about the words dead meat?

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Mr. Moore, are you gonna go home and study?

Oh, just as soon as I can.

We have a better idea.

- What is this? - Crunch time.

We're gonna cram your skull with everything you need to know

about macroeconomics.

- You're doing this for me? - 'Mm-hmm.'

- Mm-hmm. - And for us.

We don't wanna lose you.

Thanks.

This is going to be intense.

You're gonna be pushed to the limits and then beyond.

But when we're finished with you

macroeconomics will be coming out of your ears.

- Are you ready, Mr. Moore? - I am ready.

Although, I bet this is the first time

students have kept a teacher after school.

Stop fooling around, Moore. We've got work to do.

Now, sit down.

Okay, now remember, she has..

I've outlined the first chapter

now, if you just go over the highlights..

- Okay. - I think that everything..

[instrumental music]

Arvid.

- You got it? Oh! - Uh, here it is.

D-d-don't use too much, just a little behind each ear.

Oh.

[sniffs] Arvid, the smell is..

- I don't know. - Potent.

Yeah.

Test one, ground zero.

Blast off.

Morning, Darlene.

Hi, Dennis.

Dennis..

[chuckles] Hi.

- Hi. - Gosh, you look really..

I don't know...hot.

I mean, maybe you always have and I, I just hadn't noticed.

Really?

- Excuse me, Dennis. - Hmm, oh.

Excuse me.

Dennis..

...you have the cutest

little nose.

No, it's not his nose, it's his mouth.

- Hi, Dennis. - Dennis.

- Hi. - Oh!

Oh, gee, I don't know, I just wanted to say

a nicer good morning.

- That's strange. - Yeah, I..

When Simone kissed you, I felt a little jealous.

Hi, Dennis.

[laughs]

Do you know what just happened in there?

This stuff is amazing.

I gotta get out of here.

I gotta try this stuff on some real girls.

Uh, no, I mean, it wears off fast.

Well, then I'm gonna need some more of it.

I'm gonna need a barrel of this stuff.

Okay, but, I-I-I hate to hassle you, Dennis

but about my $35 and 75 cents.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem.

Arvid, you're a genius.

Well, uh, I'm go-I'm gonna have to have it or, uh..

Or what?

No pheromones.

No mones?

I-it just wouldn't be right.

- Okay, Arvid, I promise, okay? - Okay.

[bell ringing]

Oh, God!

[whistling]

Are you ready for the big test tonight?

Yes, I am, and I wanna tell you

I appreciate all the help you've given me.

All the answers are up here

just waiting to leak out on that exam book.

There is one small hitch.

[scoffs] I can't remember any of it.

Uh, it's.. My mind is a blank.

I don't wanna worry you

but you could have transient global amnesia.

Amnesia?

It's stress, the pressure is so intense

your mind turns into temporary tofu.

You'll remember it all, tomorrow.

Well, I have to remember it by tonight.

By 7 o'clock tonight, or I lose my job.

I think we have to get real here.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

We wouldn't dream of doing this if we didn't like you so much.

We feel really awful about this

but the stakes are just too high.

It's unreasonable and unfair.

You've got to take steps to make sure that you pass.

You're asking me to cheat.

No, just dim the halo for one brief moment.

It's not cheating, it's, uh, situational ethics.

'Crisis management.'

Mr. Moore, we think you should consider

compromising your values.

- Hm. - We took a vote.

Alan, Simone, all of you

Charlie Moore does not compromise his values.

Well, great, you can put that down

in your job application for McDonald's.

M-Mr. Moore, we were afraid something like this would happen

so, we, uh..

...want you to have this.

It's a blue book for the test you're taking

with all the information you need to pass.

Every formula, chart, graph and currency conversion

you could possibly need.

Where did you get this?

We made it.

If it's any consolation, we feel really guilty.

Now, before the exam, you'll be given two of these blue books.

One to write the exam in

and the other to be used as a workbook.

A little, uh, sleight of hand and this is your workbook.

[scoffs]

Look, I I-I know why you want me to do this..

...but what kind of example would I be if I cheated?

[Moore scoffs]

I may not have much, but I have my integrity.

You also have your transient global amnesia.

Right, I forgot.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Morning. - Hi.

Good morning.

Well, tell us.

Oh, the test?

I passed.

[cheering]

(Moore) 'Yeah. Yeah.'

And I really thank you, not just for the bluebook

but for teaching me an important lesson.

I mean, I've always walked the straight and narrow

you know, but I feel like you really opened my eyes

to something here.

I don't have to read your papers in order to grade 'em

'I can just give 'em a grade.'

'And no more staying up all night to plan class.'

I'm just gonna call friends, use their lessons.

Okay?

Wait a minute, Mr. Moore, this was one time only.

You weren't supposed to cheat on a regular basis.

[scoffs] What's the difference?

Uh, this was your idea.

What's the matter?

- It doesn't feel so good. - Oh!

But we had to do something, we were only trying to help.

Yeah, I know.

It was great.

I, uh, after you left..

...put the test book in my drawer.

I took the test the hard way.

[laughs]

Mr. Moore, you took a terrible risk.

One way or the other I was a goner.

If I flunk, I'm not your teacher.

If I cheat, I'm not the teacher I think you deserve.

Either way, we almost lost you.

That's right, Mr. Moore.

You know, it would have made me feel awfully uncomfortable

to have to look you in the eye and say

make that a big Mac, large fries and a coke to go.

[bell ringing]

Okay, uh, today we start on Germany in the '30s and '40s.

"The Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich."

One thousand four hundred eighty-three pages.

I'd like you to have it read by tomorrow, please.

[all clamoring]

Just kidding.

[instrumental music]

"Nicholas Nickleby." You're actually reading it?

I thought about what you said.

It took me a long time

and it may have cost me an A on a calculus quiz

but I loved every word of it.

Good for you.

[howling]

Arvid, it's pay day.

- You got the mones? - Yeah.

I hate to bring this up, Dennis

but do you have my $35 and change?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, here, here, take it.

Here you go.

This looks like chicken soup.

Hmm, maybe that's because it is chicken soup.

Uh, hey, Marlene..

...you, uh, wanna have lunch?

[theme music]