Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Since Thanksgiving is this Thursday.

I would like to turn from French post-war politics

for one moment, to explain to you

one of the great mysteries of the Pilgrims and Thanksgiving.

[indistinct chatter]

Mysteries? Please.

We memorize Thanksgiving in the first grade.

I don't suppose it's changed much since then.

(Charlie) 'Well, then undoubtedly you know'

why they landed at Plymouth Rock

instead of the Virginia Colony.

Everyone knows they were blown off course by a storm.

- Right. - Yeah.

Grow up.

It's true, they were victims of persecution.

But they were also stern religious extremists themselves.

And the last thing that the Virginia Colonists

needed in the dead of winter

was a-a boat load of wet blanket puritans.

So, here is the theory.

The Virginians bribed the captain of the Mayflower

to dump these Pilgrims as far away as possible.

And to make it look like an accident.

The storm provided a convenient excuse.

Hence, Plymouth Rock.

Mr. Moore, I'm, I'm devastated at this.

But none of this diminishes their courage.

The generosity of Native Americans.

Nor our enjoyment of what is one of our most

beautiful and meaningful holidays.

It's nice, Mr. Moore, but..

...Thanksgiving's a long day and let's face it.

I mean, we could be studying.

No, no, no, we can celebrate this holiday feeling secure

because Mr. Reagan has brought our armed forces

back to a state of readiness.

What?

Well, you know, there are people out there

who are trying to take Thanksgiving away from us.

Let 'em, hey, Thanksgiving is just another holiday

fostered and promoted by greeting card salesmen

and the turkey and cranberry industries.

I can't get behind that.

Oh, yeah, how come every year you get a thank you note

from the turkey and cranberry industry?

[laughing]

What is it with you people? I mean, I-I love Thanksgiving.

I look forward to it every year.

And this year promises to be one of the best.

Going home?

In a sense, yeah.

- Sardi's. - Sardi's, the restaurant?

That's right.

Friend of mine is in a new Broadway Show.

It's not a Broadway Show yet.

- What's it called? - Gulag.

You mean, it's a play about a Russian prison camp?

Yes, and I for one am very curious

to see how it works as a musical.

It finishes its out-of-town try-outs

in Philly this Wednesday and they come in to open next week.

And the, uh, producer is..

...throwing a little cast Thanksgiving party at Sardi's

and...I'm invited.

- Wow. - Good for you. It's exciting.

How about you guys? Arvid?

Oh, e-every year we go to my Uncle Morty's.

The adults sit at the big table

a-and the kids sit at their card tables.

Well, I-I'm the oldest, so, I'm next in line

to sit at the big table.

Sounds like fun.

Well, yeah, but i-it's hard to enjoy eating

while you're feeling guilty about waiting

for someone to die.

- Jawaharlal, how about you? - We probably won't celebrate.

[school bell rings]

- Okay, see you tomorrow. - Bye, Mr. Moore.

- Mm-hm. Bye. - Bye.

- See you. - Great class.

(Mr. Moore) 'Oh, thank you, Alan.'

Mr. Moore?

You understand I ask you this with great respect.

But do you remember when I loaned you that book

on the temples of India?

Uh, Jawaharlal, say no more.

Uh, I will bring it in tomorrow.

And I really enjoyed it. I still have two temples to go.

Thank you, uh, it belongs to my cousin

and he is back going to India.

Don't worry, Jawaharlal..

...think about a Thanksgiving dinner, hm?

Right.

[instrumental music]

Oh, your attendance book. Just put it right there.

Yeah, I have a little problem with this.

What-what's the problem?

I can't figure out how to do it. I-i-it's confusing.

In addition to which, it's a waste of time.

Well, did you look in your attendance book

instruction book?

Yes, I can't understand that either.

Let me see.

Oh, Charlie.

You have to fix this before you turn this in.

I mean, t-this all has to come out even.

Right. Well, help me, alright.

Charlie, that's part of your job.

- My job? - Mm-hm.

Isn't it enough that I teach eight hours a day?

And correct hundreds of papers?

We're supposed to be guidance counsellors

psychologists

surrogate parents.

And still we have to do this meaningless paperwork.

The attendance record is far from meaningless.

The attendance record is the record of the attendants.

I'm hooked. Go on.

It's how we get our money.

First, you have to fill it out.

Then it goes to Ms. Meara, our assistant principal

who sends it to me, the principal.

Then I mail it t-to the District Superintendent

who mails it to the Board of Education

and he mails it to the State Department of Education.

Then it goes to Washington D.C., where it ends up

on the desk of the Secretary of Education.

Well, that's the trouble with the school system.

We're spending all of our money on postage.

Then, Washington analyzes it

and they decide how much money to allocate to each school

based on a simple formula of per capita disbursals

on a pro rata basis

in ratio to the districts and the size--

Excuse me, but, how do you know all of this?

It was my doctoral thesis.

You have a PhD in attendance?

Mr. Moore, this attendance book is unacceptable.

It's a mess.

You have 75 school days in October.

I thought November would never come.

Get a new book.

Fill it out again, and this time, do it right.

On my desk, Monday morning.

- You serious? - Absolutely, hm.

And the delicious part is I can hold up your paycheck

until I'm satisfied.

[instrumental music]

[school bell ringing]

Hi. Hi, Mr. Moore.

[indistinct chatter]

- Good morning, Jawaharlal. - Good morning, Mr. Moore.

Is there something..

Damn. The book.

I'm sorry, Jawaharlal. I-I completely forgot.

I-I promise, I will hand-deliver it tonight.

I.. It's the least I can do.

I couldn't ask my teacher to bring something to me.

No, please. I mean, I feel badly enough already.

Just let me bring you the book.

Okay. No problem.

I apologize for asking.

That's telling him, Jawaharlal.

- Mr. Moore. - Yeah?

I got some Thanksgiving trivia for ya.

Name the biggest turkey in history?

- I give up. - The musical Gulag.

It closed in Philadelphia.

So, what are you gonna do on Thanksgiving?

I'm a big boy, I.. I have plenty to do.

We'd be happy to have you at our place.

Mr. Moore, you are more than welcome at our house.

Let me be more specific.

I am offering an official invitation to you

to spend an excellent Thanksgiving

with me and my family.

Excuse me, Alan, but I believe the gentleman

already has an invitation.

Get in line.

Oh, you could come to our place.

I mean, I'm officially inviting you too.

It's gonna be really special at my place.

I mean, it's one day of the year my parents

speak to each other, it's great.

You know, my mom is inviting all of her ex-boyfriends over.

She'd never know that you're a crash.

Mr. Moore, you, you can come to my house

i-if you don't mind sitting at a card table.

Woodstock, you'll love Wood.

[indistinct shouting]

Calm down. C-calm down.

Uh, sit down, okay?

[indistinct chatter]

I, uh, I-I appreciate..

...being the prize in your contest.

Uh, but, if I say yes to one invitation

then I have to say no to the other nine.

Eight. Jawaharlal did not invite you.

We're not sure what we're going to be doing.

- I would love to-- - J-Jawaharlal.

No, no pressure, okay?

I-I just thought you and your family might..

...enjoy Thanksgiving.

I just know you can be all alone and really depressed.

Maria..

...being alone isn't necessarily being depressed.

Hey, I.. Let's take a worst-case scenario.

Let's say, I am alone on Thanksgiving day.

Now, it's a day off.

So, I sleep late. I get up.

I take a beautiful stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge.

How can you improve on that?

When you get to the middle of the bridge, jump.

Come on, Maria.

On my way back, I'm gonna stop at Yonah Shimmel's.

I'm gonna pick up some knishes.

'Now, I.. if I wanna go to a movie'

I don't have to stand in line

because every theatre in Manhattan is virtually empty.

I don't wanna go to a movie, so, I go home.

I watch some football.

I.. I work on my attendance record.

Uh, I vacuum.

I...take a bath.

Maybe I should jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

[instrumental music]

So, once that was resolved..

[school bell rings]

Well, have a good Thanksgiving holiday, okay?

Jawaharlal, I will see you tonight.

- Thank you. - '...Thanksgiving, Mr. Moore.'

- You too. - 'Happy Thanksgiving.'

- Same to you. - 'Shut up, John.'

John.

Our address. We're eating at 3:00 and nobody will know.

Oh, right.

I understand the delicacy of your situation

what with the feelings of the other students.

Thanksgiving at the Pinkard's, in confidence.

Thanks, Alan, but no thanks.

Janice?

Yeah?

Does this attendance book make any sense to you?

Forget it, Mr. Moore, it's garbage.

I've never seen anything this confusing.

Except maybe the new simplified tax code.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

(man on TV) '...setback, Hamer back to pass.'

'He's got Luck, we got the 40.'

'Luck went to the 30, the 25'

'where he's knocked out of bounds by Westheimer'

'and the strong safety, Marty Moue.'

[instrumental music]

- M-Mr. Moore! - Jawaharlal, uh..

- I'm so sorry. - Oh.

- Thank you. - Forgive the intrusion.

- Please, come in. - Well..

Oh, I insist. Come along, sir, really.

Okay. Just that I'm not dressed.

You look fine, sir.

My mother, my father.

- This is my teacher Mr. Moore. - Oh.

Thank you for coming. You're very kind.

Thank you, I am excited to be here.

It is very nice of you to pay your respects.

Well, that is what

the Thanksgiving holiday is all about.

- Uh, your coat, Mr. Moore? - Thank you.

Uh, paying respects with family and friends.

People of all cultures making new lives here in America.

Although, I must confess

the last time I spoke with Jawaharlal about it

I was under the impression you weren't doing anything special.

Well, we had to do something.

Well, I think what you've done is wonderful.

U-uh, have some food, Mr. Moore.

Alright, I'm a great fan of Indian food.

- Wonderful, um.. - Ooh.

- Dahi-vade? - Yes.

Those little yoghurt balls.

- Uh, lotus root? - Ah.

- Be careful, very hot. - Oh, I like hot.

- Pickled okra? - Mm-hm. Whoo! Mm.

- Mm. - Sir, here we have some dal.

- What's in here? - Uh, Uncle Raj!

Uncle Raj?

[sobbing]

And this is Aunt Prima. The widow.

[instrumental music]

- Table for one? - Yes.

- Alone tonight, sir? - Yes.

All alone?

No, I just came from a celebrity-studded party

but I had this craving for kung-pao chicken.

- You joke? - I joke.

- Enjoy. - Thanks.

Waiter?

[sighs]

Mr. Moore.

Dr. Samuels.

Table for two?

Things are looking up.

Well, I know why I'm here.

Same old story, the in-law's dropped by

for the annual Thanksgiving Day argument.

They're still fighting. They think I'm in the bathroom.

Sorry to hear that.

Well, here we sit.

Each of us facing the last person on Earth

we'd wanna have Thanksgiving dinner with.

I can think of worse people.

Oh, name one.

Lyndon LaRouche.

Come on, you can name one worse than that.

It's your turn.

Joan Rivers.

So, we gonna order or what?

How about Regis Philbin?

- Everything okay? - Mm.

Do you ever, uh, try chopsticks?

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm square.

I'm not colorful like you.

I don't have a little lump of hair in the back.

You're looking at my plate. You see my egg rolls.

How they're lined up.

My ribs, even the fried rice looks neat.

You're thinking, that's the rice of a bureaucrat

with a PhD in attendance.

It's also the rice of the man with the mind that created

the individualized Honors program

which I sometimes think you're trying to destroy.

I am not!

Well, I'm, I'm simply trying to teach them

that there's something behind the grades, you know?

There is life outside school.

Hey, you don't have to lecture me

about life outside of school.

I have my folk dancing on Wednesday night.

Folk dancing?

It's how I relax.

I can get up and dance in any country in Europe.

Somehow, I had never envisioned that.

I've been doing it for 20 years.

Once you get past the, uh, leather shorts

and the accordion music, it's fun.

That's all I'm trying to do for them.

Is just to get them to have a little fun, you know?

Follow their passions. Take a chance occasionally.

Instead of following somebody else's neat little program.

Mr. Moore, you think you know me.

Let me tell you something.

There are parts of me that you can't even imagine.

[scatting]

♪ Oopa ♪♪

That's the Greek version.

Now, you-you mentioned a Bulgarian version.

The Bulgarian version, yeah, well, the..

Now, this one's a little more difficult.

Takes a little more finesse, okay?

Hands on the hips like this, see?

Chest out front.

[scatting]

A little more finesse about this one.

It's all in the attitude.

[scatting]

[laughing]

You know, I tell you, you should've asked me

to show you these dances before dinner.

It was very impressive.

Oh, boy, I tell you, you should see the Yugoslavian sometime.

They even get up on the tables.

Yeah, uh, I tell you, you know..

This has been a very impressive Thanksgiving dinner.

Well, the most I was lookin' at was an intimate dinner

just me and my attendance record.

I certainly didn't anticipate a floor show.

[chuckles]

Instead of having a Thanksgiving dinner with a friend?

A friend?

Well, a guy from the office..

...who can make a friendly gesture

uh, occasionally.

Especially on a day like Thanksgiving.

I'm dying of curiosity.

Let me see your attendance book.

- You're not serious. - Yes, I am. Get it over here.

Now, look.

Don't ever tell anyone I did this.

First of all, you are confusing

your non-excused absences

with your pending excuse absences.

Okay? Right here, like it. See?

And down here, you are

forgetting to include the state-mandated holidays.

And lookie-lookie, you have lumped them in..

...and overlapped them with the religious holidays.

- Common error. - Oh.

Look, now here's another thing.

If a student is absent, you see.

And when he's absent, while absent

moves out of the system?

Dr. Samuels. Happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now look, when you must take into account students

who move out of the systems, you see?

[instrumental music]

You know, I don't know if it's the holiday spirit

or the MSG.

But I feel that I understand you a little better.

Well, I can certainly go along with that.

I think I've seen and can appreciate

a...side of you

that I hadn't noticed before.

"A moment of weakness will destroy your career."

"A wise man is never bound by his principles."

[instrumental music]

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