Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

- Morning. - Hi.

Mr. Moore, how's your third period today?

Whatever happened to how was your weekend?

Yes, I'm free for your third period.

Good. Mr. Wigan's sick.

I need you to cover his chemistry class.

Well, I don't know that much about chemistry.

Why should that stop you?

You don't know that much about history, either.

[laughs]

You walked right into that one.

Well, how was it?

- How was what? - Your weekend. I'm asking.

Oh! It was great. I met an interesting woman.

Interesting? How?

- Very.. - Oh, wow!

- She's gorgeous. - That's what's interesting.

You didn't meet her borrowing a cup of sugar.

Hey, I have a wife.

You know, it's a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

SoHo. Art gallery.

We're looking at an Andy Warhol.

I'm looking, she's buying.

Next thing you know we're having a cup of coffee

and I'm telling her my life story.

Which she finds fascinating?

More than fascinating. Mesmerizing.

We're having dinner together

at my place a week from tomorrow.

Ooh! Gee, why wait so long, Charlie?

She has a modeling assignment in Brazil.

- Great. - Hmm.

Oh, that gives you a whole week to redecorate or move.

Well, actually she knows all about me.

I don't know that much about her though.

Actually, Charlie, you know a lot about her.

She's beautiful, she can look forward to Andy Warhol

and she's got very good taste in men.

- What's her name? - Shayeeda.

And she's a phony.

Fooled me.

[bell rings]

Okay, let's get started.

Uh, Alan, by the way

I didn't get a chance to tell..

...you and Darlene, that I was very impressed

by your presentation on the Berlin Wall.

- We're ready, Mr. Moore. - Janice.

- Would you like to see it now? - In a minute.

But you're cutting into our time, Mr. Moore.

Janice, you're only ten years old.

Time is all you've got.

Forget it, Mr. Moore, let her start.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

No. We're just givin' in to her 'cause she's a little kid.

- How's she ever gonna learn? - What's she gonna learn?

She already knows everything.

[sighs] Thank you, Eric.

- Can we start now? - Okay. Start.

Hurry up.

- The US-- - Oh! This is Arvid's part.

And I'll do mine next, but first I'll operate

the visuals for his segment.

[clears throat]

Arvid is going to analyze the importance of the space race

and the propaganda data between the two superpowers.

- Russia-- - Uh..

J-Janice, you-you're saying my part.

- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.

- I'm introducing you. - You don't have to.

They-they know me. Uh, I, I'm Arvid, right?

[indistinct chatter]

Okay. Ahem.

By April 1961, the Russians had already put a man in orbit.

So, now, what could the US do that will be truly spectacular?

- Put a man on the moon. - Oh, that's it. Forget it.

Anyone got a tranquilizer dart?

I got a clear shot at her from here.

Just, just relax, Janice.

Now, now, you two have this all set.

Why don't you just stick with that?

You have to back off, okay? We can't hear what Arvid is saying.

No, this is my project

and I'm just as much a part of it as Arvid is.

- He's doing fine on his own. - 'Yeah.'

- 'Yeah.' - Okay, then.

Let him do it on his own if everybody loves him so much!

(in unison) Oh, Janice. Janice. Janice.

- Excuse me for a moment. - Let me talk to her, Mr. Moore.

She'll listen to me.

Do you know what the problem is, Mr. Moore?

She's young, she's brilliant

but she's immature. Socially naive.

Being in a class like this must be very stressful.

Alan, that's a sensitive observation, you know.

- What do you propose we do? - Get rid of her.

Uh, she's alright, Mr. Moore. She just needs to be alone.

I mean, if she was really upset, she'd be playing her..

[cello music]

...cello.

Uh, I'll be right back, you just, uh, carry on

with what you were doing.

All we were doing is wasting time.

Keep wasting.

Mr. Moore, what's wrong with Janice?

- Well, she's upset. - Janice..

Janice.

This is your high school principal talking to you.

She's upset.

- Right. Exactly. - Take care of this.

This is a hallway in a high school

not the waiting room at "Star Search."

Janice.

- Janice. - Yes?

I think you made your point.

Thank you.

Can you tell me, uh ...what was your point?

- I'm hated. - Oh!

They don't hate you, Janice.

Alright, they severely dislike me.

Well, you weren't exactly Mother Teresa in there.

Why should I be nice to them? They are never nice to me.

It's always, "Janice, shut up!" or "Janice, cool it!"

It's got to I hate any sentence that begin with my name.

Janice..

Ahem! Lazarotto, look..

What's your real problem here?

I mean, what do you want from them?

I don't know, it's just that

they're always hanging around together.

They go to places and things, and they never ask me.

Can't be just because I'm younger.

I'm more than compensate with my superior intelligence.

Something you rarely fail to mention to them.

Mr. Moore, I just thought of something.

Could I be obnoxious?

Well..

Look, uh, you can't dwell on the past.

What there is of it, uh..

...you have to start fresh, today.

(Mr. Moore) Now, I think that you should make the first move.

Maybe invite them over.

- Throw a party. - That's it!

I know what to do, Mr. Moore.

- Bye. - Wait..

[cello music]

[instrumental music]

(Samuels) 'Mr. Moore, phone call from Brazil.'

- Uh, Brazil? - Maybe you've heard of it.

It's the largest country in South America.

Hello. Hi.

It's okay. I, I got it.

- It's personal. - Okay. Alright.

- Everybody, move along. - Hi, Shayeeda.

Well, it's great to hear your voice too.

No, it's about, uh, 8:30 in the morning here.

Uh, how-how did you..

Oh, you remembered Fillmore High School, huh?

Do you mind?

Yeah. No, I have not forgotten about dinner.

- Mr. Moore! Mr. Moore! - Uh, Janice, I'm on the phone.

- I'm gonna have a party. - Can it, can it wait?

- Will you come? - Uh..

C-c-can we talk about this later?

No, Shayeeda. No, we can talk now, I..

- Do you promise? - I, I promise. I, I promise.

- That's one. - Okay. Uh, yeah.

Okay. I can't wait, uh..

Okay. Bye-bye.

Do you know a restaurant called Manne?

Oh, yeah. You're having dinner there?

- Yeah, Saturday. - Start saving up.

[bells rings]

Okay, everybody, sorry, I'm late. Uh, let's get started.

Mr. Moore, did you get one of these?

What is that?

An invitation to a Smurf party.

Oh, uh, yes, I did. Janice's party.

[chuckles] She's trying to be friendly. I think it's a big step.

The step may be big, but the party is gonna be small

because nobody is going.

Oh, not nobody. I'm going.

Who is this blue person?

This is gonna be like getting trapped on

the "It's A Small World" ride for three hours.

I don't wanna go to a party where the chairs are

six inches off the floor.

Not only am I going but I expect to see each of there as well.

[indistinct chatter]

Janice has made a gesture of friendship

and the only decent thing to do is respond in kind.

I mean, come on, what is one night

out of your entire lifetime?

- Which night? - Saturday.

- No. - Yes.

- No. - Yes.

Sorry, I'm late, but I was trying to get

Dr. Samuels to come to my party.

- Well, is he coming? - No.

He said he was planning to have a previous engagement.

Spot quiz, everyone. Yesterday's material.

- Oh, my God! - Mr. Moore.

I've got it on my computer.

[indistinct chatter]

Not for you, but I do have a question for you.

Do you really think that Saturday night

is the best time for this party?

Everybody knows, Saturday night is party night.

Oh.. Uh, Saturday night party is such a cliche.

Well, it's my first party

and I wanna keep it traditional.

There's your problem. See, it, it.. Y-you're in a rut, Janice.

Y-you're unwilling to try anything new.

I mean, be radical, get crazy, try Friday.

No. Saturday is fine.

- You are coming, aren't you? - Oh, of course.

Good, because for a moment I thought

you might be planning to bail out on me too.

- Ahem. - Janice?

Yeah.

Could I bring someone?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[sighs] What's the use?

I don't think anybody is coming.

It's early yet, Janice, it's only..

Oh, my goodness.

[doorbell buzzes]

There's somebody!

Come on, Dennis. Come on, Arvid. Join the party.

[instrumental music]

This is it? Just us?

Well, thanks, Janice. It's been real nice.

Come on, Arvid, let's go. We still have time to donate blood.

Blood? Now? Aren't they closed?

We'll break in.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

Hi, everybody. I'm so glad you could make it.

(Jawaharlal) Welcome to the lonely party.

Sarah, have a jelly bean, please.

Okay, everybody. Get your rat faces.

Boy rodents over here. Girl rodents are over there.

(Dennis) Rat faces?

What are we gonna play, Janice? Spread the plague?

Here, Darlene, put on a rat face.

In a minute, Janice, I just have to finish my term paper.

- Just put it on, please. - Janice, why rat faces?

Because they were all out of pig faces.

Do you mind if I wear mine as a wrist corsage?

- Hi, every.. - Hi.

Hi.

Okay, everybody. We'll start with Brain Teasers!

Maybe we shouldn't get really insane

until Mr. Moore gets here.

Okay. Here's an easy one.

Thirteen percent of all the people in DeKalb, Illinois

have unlisted phone numbers.

If you select 13,000 names at random from the phonebook

what is the expected number of people

with unlisted phone numbers?

- Oh. Oh, Janice. - I'm waiting.

Okay, I'll tell you. Zero.

People with unlisted phone numbers aren't listed.

[laughing]

Okay, num-nums, here's another one.

[murmuring]

Just in time, Mr. Moore. Here, put on a rat face.

Well, you wanna hold the festivities

just a second, Janice. This is my friend, Shayeeda.

- This is Janice. - Hello.

Hi. I hope that you're good at charades.

Well, we'll find out.

Uh, let me introduce you to the rest of the ladies.

Uh, this is, Maria and Simone

and Sarah and Darlene. Shayeeda.

And, uh, the fellas, of course.

- Uh, Alan. - How do you do?

Eric, Dennis, Jawaharlal

and, uh, Arvid, this is Shayeeda.

Arvid?

Would you like something to drink?

Oh, yes, uh, I'd like a Black Russian with Stoli.

I don't know what that is.

But do you want it in a Smurf cup or a Snoopy cup?

Do you have a diet soda?

Two. In Snoopy cups.

Listen, she's very special, and this is a big night for her.

And you're very special too.

It could be a big night for everyone.

Darling, this is wild fun, but what time

is our dinner reservation?

Uh, 8:30. You know, with all these masks

it must seem like carnival in Brazil, right?

That's a half hour from now.

Well, we better not fill-up on these jelly beans.

Hello, I'm Dr. Lazarotto.

And this is Dr. Lazarotto.

Oh, you're both psychiatrists.

Uh, Charlie Moore, and this is Shayeeda.

- Shayeeda? - Just Shayeeda.

- Well, let's not hover, dear. - Right. This is Janice's hour.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

Okay, everybody.

It's time to play Ghost.

Maybe I'll just talk to the adults. Okay?

- Charlie? - Yeah.

- Mr. Moore. - Yeah. Uh, uh, yes.

Charlie, you said we'd just put in an appearance.

Yeah, well, just let me get things started, okay?

- Yes. - Come on.

It's time to play Ghost.

Well, d-do you really think that's what everybody

wants to do right now?

That's what I planned.

See what I mean? She's pushin' us around again.

- Well, not really. - Do you want to play Ghost?

Ahem. See you have some music here, Janice.

Anybody feel like dancing? I mean, we could dance. Yeah.

Great idea.

- Allow me to take this. - Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[children singing]

- Oh. - Oh, Janice!

Janice, we should go now.

Janice, don't you have anything else?

Why should she bother? It's her bedtime soon.

Maybe my parents have another record.

It'll probably be "Floyd Sings Songs for Young Lovers."

[laughs]

It's Floyd. "Young Gun." Ha ha.

Well, nothing like ending a party on a real high.

- Can we go now? - Darling..

Janice is gonna find some music.

Now, we are right on the edge for some real fun.

I don't think I could handle anymore fun. Shall we?

Well, uh, I think we should stay a little longer.

A little longer is a lifetime.

Face it, Mr. Moore, it's a very boring party.

I don't think it's gonna get any better.

Yeah, it's like the flu. You have to suffer till it's over.

No, you don't. Uh, t-this party is what we make it.

- It is not just Janice. - Charlie, really?

No, that's very sweet, but I'm starving.

I'm getting a boredom headache. I have to leave, really.

Uh. This is a very important night for her.

She's gone through a lot of trouble here.

'I mean, just a few more minutes.'

You know, put on the old rat nose, play some charades.

Okay, Charlie, you want charades? Alright, one word.

Goodbye?

You let her get away?

You're a very sick man, Mr. Moore.

If you'd like to leave, you're free to go with her.

Uh, however, I do think when you're leaving a party

it's considered polite to say goodnight to your hostess.

I'll go get her.

Come in.

Who's your friend?

Big Ted.

He looks kind of upset.

Yes.

Are you, and, uh, Big Ted going to, uh, spend

the rest of the evening in here?

Yeah.

You really think that's considerate?

You have guests in the living room.

I don't wanna go out there anymore.

I don't even wanna go to school anymore.

- They all hate me. - Look, they don't hate you.

- They're here, aren't they? - Yeah, but they're not trying.

- Are you trying? - What do you mean?

Well, last week in class when you were

doing your presentation with Arvid

were you trying to think about how he felt?

I didn't have to, he knew what to do.

Oh, but you didn't let him. You wanted to do it your way.

Well, now you're giving the party your way.

And you expect them to love it.

Why shouldn't they?

Well, you're not giving the party for them.

You're giving it for yourself.

The rat noses, Smurfs.

Those are all things that you like.

What do they like?

I don't know.

Don't you think a smart hostess

would take the trouble to find out?

I'm a num-num, right?

But what do we do now?

Well, we could go back out in the living room with them

just relax and see what happens.

Maybe they'd like some food.

Why didn't I think of that?

Oh. And I'm sorry your date isn't having any fun.

I think she's so sophisticated and beautiful

and gorgeous and fabulous.

- She left. - You're better off.

Okay, everybody.

I know this party is a real disaster.

Nobody wants to be here.

And I'm sorry I did everything wrong, okay?

But I've got all this food and I don't wanna throw it out.

So, could you take some before you go home?

Hey, Janice, this is alright.

- What is it? - Mexican pizza.

It is good, Janice. How do you make it?

Well, my mom uses three cheeses and.. What else?

Jalapeno peppers, olives and Quantock cheese.

- The blue corn, of course. - You're a psychiatrist, right?

I have this terrible anxiety problem.

Mr. Moore, I'm so happy to have this opportunity to meet you.

Well, actually, I've always been very curious

about Janice's parents.

Hey, is there any more of this?

Eric, are you going to share that music with us or not?

- Yeah, Eric. - Why not?

[upbeat music]

Mr. Moore, it's working. What happened?

You were a very gracious hostess.

You gave them freedom to do what they want.

They wanted to leave.

Well, they changed their minds.

You see, parties are funny that way.

I mean, they come to life when you least expect it

and then there's no stopping them.

Like Godzilla.

- Sort of. - Huh! That's it.

I'll throw a Godzilla party next.

And everybody comes dressed as Godzilla.

Look.. Why don't we just enjoy this one for now, huh?

Okay. Mr. Moore, would you care to boogie?

I'd love to.

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

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