Original subtitles

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[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

They finally made a mistake.

A heartfelt good morning to you, too, sir.

"Musical wizardry." Three letters.

But it's obviously two letters.

Oz. "The Wizard Of Oz."

- The Who. - Who?

The Who, they did a rock opera called "Tommy."

Big number was "Pinball Wizard."

- The Who? - It's three letters.

By the way, uh, what are you teaching

my honor's program today?

Uh, we're looking at the causes of the First World War.

Do you know anything about the First World War?

Sure, that's the one in black and white.

You know, that kind of remark is exactly what worries me

about leaving my students

in the hands of a substitute teacher.

Please, Dr. Samuels, I have a hard time

handling these compliments.

Nice memo.

- Hi, Charlie. - Hi.

- Junk mail? - Mostly.

Ah! An invitation to my high-school reunion.

You're going?

It's next weekend. I don't know.

High-school reunions are about envy, regret

how much weight you've gained and how much hair you've lost.

- Don't go. - You've convinced me.

[bell ringing]

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Good morning. Y'all have a great weekend?

As a matter of fact, I had a very interesting weekend.

This incredible thing happened

at my Calculus Club awards banquet.

Don't tell me, you all broke your glasses

and there wasn't enough tape to go around.

I spent the weekend making up palindromes.

Palindromes?

It is a sentence that spells out

exactly the same backwards or forwards.

Like, uh, "Madam, I madam."

Well, that's kind of a boring one.

If we had a contest, I could kick your ttub.

- That's butt backwards. - Mm-hmm.

Janice, nobody cares.

Thank you, Janice.

I did grade your papers on trouble spots in the world

where war could start, and you're getting better.

You're still a little long on facts

and little short on imagination.

Mr. Moore, I don't have an imagination.

I'm still having trouble with reality.

There is one paper, though

that I'd like you to listen to, okay?

"The walls are dirty gray

"like snow on New York streets.

"But it is hot and sticky

"and there's a sign among the advertisements

"warning everyone that this is chain-snatching season.

"A well-dressed woman sees the sign

"and casually drops her gold necklace inside her blouse.

'"No one smiles.'

"No one ever smiles here.

"In this civilized war zone, the New York Subway

a smile is a sign of vulnerability."

Anybody guess who wrote this?

[chuckles] Well, we know it wasn't Mayor Koch.

It was Eric.

Well, you're not gonna count that as an assignment, are you?

- Well, why not? - 'Is that fair?'

I wrote 50 pages on Central America

and all Eric did was ride the subway.

I studied maps of the Middle East.

I memorized the 36 warring factions in Lebanon.

I even spent four hours at a falafel stand.

Only four hours? What, are you on a diet?

God, if he gets an A, that is so sick.

Don't worry, they won't let him get away with that in college.

H-hey, Mr. Moore, do me a favor, okay?

Do everybody a favor. Give me an F.

What? That's interesting work, Eric.

So what?

Don't get mad, Eric, we didn't mean--

I'm not mad.

Really, jus-just get on with it.

It's no big deal.

Well, let's get on to, uh, one of my favorite subjects.

- World War I. - Not necessary.

- We know all about it. - Oh, really?

[chuckles]

Did you know that it was started by one bad driver?

[laughing]

Oh, Mr. Moore, could I talk to you for a minute, please?

Sure.

- Ooh! - Uh, start the war without me.

Look, I'm afraid you're not going

to your reunion because of what I said.

Just because mine was horrible

you might really like yours. So, here.

I pulled your invitation out of the wastepaper basket.

Just promise me that you won't not go because of me.

No, I promise you I won't not go because of me.

- Yes. - Good.

(all) Ooh!

Alright, alright. Where were we?

We were watching you and the assistant principal

makin' goo-goo eyes.

Ms. Meara was delivering an invitation

to my high-school reunion, okay? It's no big deal.

It is a big deal. It's a very big deal.

What are you gonna wear?

[scoffs] I'm not going.

Not going?

I think a reunion with your high-school friends

would be a beautiful experience.

Hey, Simone, you want a beautiful experience?

Uh, no, thanks.

Come on, Mr. Moore, level with me.

You're nervous about goin', right?

No, I'm not nervous about going.

Uh, it-it's just that, uh, it's about success.

Uh, people don't get friendly at reunions, they get revenge.

It's trial by memory.

Besides, it's in Weiser, Idaho.

- Weiser? - Idaho?

Mr. Moore, you have to relax, okay?

I mean, you'd have to be a total flop in New York

for people in Idaho to think that you're a loser.

Would you stop using words like flop and loser?

How about weenie?

[all laughing]

Mr. Moore, are you gonna come to our 20th reunion?

I would pay money to see that.

This class, 20 years from now?

No problem, I mean, we can do that right now.

You really wanna do this?

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

Twenty years later.

[indistinct chatter]

Nice to see you.

I don't believe this!

Same old room, same old desk.

[gasps] Same old chalk.

- Same old teacher. - Yeah.

He didn't age well.

No, he did not age well at all.

Couldn't make it on the outside, huh, Mr. Moore?

Alan, is that you?

Bald! I mean..

You've all changed a great deal

uh, with the exception, of course, of Dennis.

Who could forget the silhouette of the century?

[laughing]

Oh, Mr. Moore.

Mr. Moore, listen to me, I'm 38 years old.

Mind if I call you Chuck?

Hello, Den.

So how has your life been?

Well, Caltech, Livermore, secret weapons.

I cracked.

I had the old breakdown, I hit bottom.

One night I got so desperate for a Slurpee

I held up a 7-Eleven.

[laughing]

But by some miracle

this little woman, Maria, was the cashier.

We got married, had some kids

I had a heart attack, lost fifty pounds six times.

But, hey..

...I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Right, hon?

I would rather drink Diacol through my nose

than be married to you.

- 'Oh!' - 'Oh!'

So what really happened?

I became a hit-lady for the Mob and then I married a hit-man

and then we ended up having contracts on each other.

Come on, Marie, that's a plot of a movie. "Prizzi's Honor."

[sighs] Look, I told you I didn't have an imagination, okay?

Alan?

Oh, come on. Don't you read the papers?

I'm a senator.

(all) 'Whoo!'

It's great to be young and rich and powerful.

What about light?

- Oh! - Oh!

Janice, all grown up. You're so tall.

I got my PhD at 15

and then I got a job memorizing

the entire New York Public Library

in case of fire.

And I wrote a novel that was one giant palindrome

from beginning to end and back.

And then?

And then my head exploded.

I guess no one even recognizes me.

Arvid, is that you?

You're right, Mr. Moore. I did win the Nobel Prize.

- Ah! - 'Yay!'

And I-I was president of MIT.

But I kept up the old accordion lessons

and I made a recording.

And by a quirk of fate, it was a hit!

[chuckles]

What about you, Darlene?

I'm the host of "Good Morning America."

- Ooh! - Whoo!

Simone?

I'm living with Woody Allen.

- 'Ooh.' - 'Ooh.'

Woody Allen is over 70, man.

Well, he's still sexy.

Your turn, Eric.

[scoffs] Right.

Come on. Everybody else did it.

- So? - It's just a game.

Nobody is gonna hold you to it.

Look, just dream about what you think you want your life to be

who you think you might become.

It's fun to play with the possibilities.

Yeah, well, you have fun. Hm. I'm splitting, man.

Later.

Once every 20 years with Eric is a lot.

Hurry up, kids. They're running out of the meatloaf.

Come on.

- Well, you think about it? - About what?

Oh, Mr. Moore has a high-school reunion coming up.

Really? I love reunions.

Hey, I went to Canarsie.

We had three. Every one of them was a blast.

- Don't you feel insecure? - Let me tell you something.

When I walk in to one of those things, I get attention.

I get respect from doctors, lawyers, politicians.

- Know why? - No. Why?

Because no matter how powerful or rich they get

everybody is still afraid of the principal.

Listen, where do I find a place called Izzy's.

You? Go to Izzy's?

[siren blaring]

[pinball machine clanking]

You got a nice touch.

Yeah, it's a result of hours at George's.

My high-school hangout back in Idaho.

It's an interesting game, pinball.

Requires skill, chance..

[sighs] You hit it too hard. Tilt.

By any chance, is there, like, a lesson in life here?

Eric, you think I would be eating this food

if I wasn't pushing a lesson on life?

[sighs] Okay, I'm sorry I ran out of your class.

Well, it was an interesting paper.

Why did you throw it in the trash?

I didn't want the Pulitzer Prize, man.

I just wanted to show them..

Forget it.

Show 'em what?

That I could do that stuff if I want to.

I mean, didn't you love the way it freaked everybody out?

So why are you in the honors program, anyway?

I got no choice.

They found out I'm smart.

Now I'm like an academic prisoner of war.

Oh, you're a big boy.

If you hate it that much, you could always escape.

[scoffs] I would get the beating of my life.

Your father?

My mother.

She's the dreamer in the family.

So? She thinks you have a future, right?

Yeah. She thinks I'm like everybody else in the class.

But I'm not. I mean, they know they're gonna make it. Me?

[scoffs]

I'm lookin' at bein' the best-read guy at Izzy's.

Is that want you want?

Doesn't matter what I want. That's just the way it is.

Come on, you may not get exactly what you want

but, uh, if you stay open to the possibilities

somethin' may come along that you'll like.

Look, dreams change

but that needn't keep you from havin' them.

Yeah, well, I guess your dreams got run over by a truck, huh?

And since you're not going to your reunion..

Well, it's true, I didn't come to New York

to be a substitute teacher. I mean..

I thought I was the Orson Welles of Weiser, Idaho.

I wrote, I directed

and I starred in my senior musical.

I called it..

[sighs] ..."Goodbye, Weiser. Hello, Broadway."

So you didn't make it to Broadway.

Oh, but I still direct a little theatre off-off-off Broadway.

How far off?

Newark.

Hey, Mr. Moore, you know, we got a lot in common.

I don't wanna deal with my future

and you don't wanna deal with your past.

Tilt.

[instrumental music]

How could the way one man drove a car

help start First World War?

You're gonna beg me to tell you

or should I just go ahead on my own?

Mr. Moore, please, just some good solid facts

that I can write down, okay?

Okay, Alan.

June, 1914, Franz Ferdinand, the Archduke of Austria

is visiting what is now known as Yugoslavia.

Now, here's the fun part.

On the parade route, there are waiting seven assassins.

Sort of unofficial greeters with potentially bad news.

Now, the first five mess up completely.

Some of 'em can't shoot, some others blow up the wrong car.

Now, by now the Archduke is getting a little suspicious

so he decides to change the route.

Nobody bothers to tell the driver.

And in the confusion, this guy stops

right in front of the final assassins.

The Archduke is shot, Austria blames Yugoslavia.

Everybody chooses up sides and..

[imitates bugle call]

...World War I.

So what are we saying now?

We're sayin' that the duke's driver was one dumb wuss.

No, we're saying that the biggest mistake

that history students make

is leaving out the element of chance.

It's what makes life interesting.

Mr. Moore, I have a horrible feeling

this has something to do with our little talk.

Alright. Since you brought it up.

I didn't bring it up, you snuck it in.

Well, Franz Ferdinand thought that he was headed

in the right direction. Obviously, he was wrong.

You never know.

It's full of surprises out there.

Mr. Moore, do me a favor, ask anybody in this room

who is the least likely to succeed.

Eric!

Janice, he didn't ask.

He was going to.

I think you guys ought to have another reunion.

[sighs] Excuse me, Mr. Moore, some of us would like to get an education.

This could be very educational and different.

- How? - 'Well..'

This time, instead of telling us who you are

the others tell you. The..

Jawaharlal, go outside. Come back in.

See, it's the same class, 20 years later

only, we tell him who he is.

[door opens]

Hello. Heh-heh.

Who am I?

Don't even talk to me.

The wife and I are furious at you.

Forget it, Dennis, we got a divorce.

Like I said, the wife and I don't like hangin' around

with a guy who owns porno theaters.

Oh, I-I-I thought that I was a doctor.

That's what makes it so painful. We had such high hopes for you.

[laughing]

Good. Okay, it's, uh, your turn.

Right. World War I. We got Ger--

Unh-unh-unh. Eric, outside.

- Why should I do this? - Find out.

[groans]

Hey, everybody. It's me.

Your old buddy, Eric.

I guess you all know what I'm doin' now, huh?

Right, nothing.

Well, you know, it wasn't a total loss

'cause my old gum is still here.

It's really great sharing the memories with you.

Mr. Moore, pssh, oh, always a pleasure.

Eric.

Remember, back in high school

when you wrote that paper about people on the subway?

Well, I wouldn't admit it then

but I thought it was really good.

- Right. - It was.

I mean, even though you shortcut the assignment.

It was good.

I was real excited when I saw your book.

My book? Please, give me a break, okay?

I bought it. I loved it. I even made my kids read it, Eric.

Our kids, right, hon?

Wrong, hon.

You know, you never thought you'd make it

but look at you, you're...fulfilled.

We all have important jobs and we-we make big money.

But are we happy?

Not me. I'm miserable.

I've married and divorced every woman in this class.

- Except Janice. - Don't even think about it.

Well, I'm very proud of you, Eric.

Simone, it's me.

I know.

I don't know how many of you read my column.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Right, I've got a column.

It's in "The Voice."

Anyway, my column was about

when you're young and you don't see any future

'sometime somebody could come along'

and make you see that there can be one.

And you may not succeed.

But, hey, why not let it be a surprise, huh?

I read that column. It won an award.

It did?

Sure, why not?

And you know who that someone was?

The pinball wizard here.

That old geezer from Weiser.

Mr. Charlie Moore.

- Oh! - 'Yeah!'

[applauding]

Thank you very much. Uh, well..

Uh, when I first began teaching here

uh, for an aeon, 20 years ago

the salary was $18,000 a year.

Now, with the bonuses and overtime

I clear a million four.

But you know, the strange thing is

just when teachers are finally being paid what they are worth

I'm too old to enjoy it.

So, uh, what are we saying here, Eric?

I'm sayin', in the past I had a problem with my future

now I got a problem with the present.

I'm still stuck in here with these gum-bees.

So what are you sayin', Mr. Moore?

I guess I'm sayin', "Weiser, Idaho, here I come."

[cheering]

[applauding]

[instrumental music]

- Good morning. - 'Morning.'

- Good morning. - Good morning.

So, how was the reunion?

Well, you're not gonna believe this

but I was the only one who showed up.

No one else had the guts.

That is one unsuccessful graduating class.

Just kidding.

[laughing]

Ah, they were all there.

We were talkin' about Georgey Pelch's arson trial

and, uh, the soda-pop cooler broke down at the post office.

A recent epidemic of a lawn-grass fungus

had the whole town very worried.

But the, the event was, uh, very successful.

Okay, how many people think

he lied about his career in theatre?

Can we have a show of hands?

Okay, I fudged a little. I..

I moved my off-off-off Broadway theatre uptown

a couple of offs.

So who's gonna check?

Oh, yeah.

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