Original subtitles

[SIGHING]

WHO'S THE EVIL GENIUS

WHO MADE MORNINGSO FRIGGING BRIGHT?

PAIGE: OH, PROBABLY THE SAME EVIL GENIUS

WHO DECIDED THAT THERESHOULD BE SCHOOL DAYS

AFTER CRAZYMOVIE PREMIERES.

ALEX: CRAZY?

IS THAT THE VERBYOU'RE GONNA USE

TO DESCRIBE LAST NIGHT?

ADJECTIVE.

AND CONSIDERING I VOLUNTARILYSLEPT ON THE DOWNSTAIRS COUCH,

CRAZY SEEMS ABOUT RIGHT.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SLEEPON THE COUCH.

YOU WOULD'VE BEEN SAFEIN THE ROOM WITH ME.

WE'RE GONNA BE LATE,

AND I HATE BEING LATE.

SO YOU SHOULD UH...YOU SHOULD GET READY.

NOW IF I COULD JUSTFIND MY BUS PASS

THAT WOULD BEABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

PAIGE?

PAIGE: YOU KNOW, THE BUS PEOPLE

SHOULD REALLY JUST...JUST GIVE A-A-AN IMPLANT

OR A... OR A TATTOO,

AND I COULD SAVE-

PAIGE!

HEY, I'M ALEX,

YOUR FRIEND?

CAN YOU JUST TALK TO ME?

I CAN'T EVEN BEGINTO PROCESS

WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

NOT WITH OUR LITTLESISTER-ACT-SLUT-DANCE

OR... THE DRAMA WITHYOUR MOM'S BOYFRIEND.

YOU CALL THAT DRAMA?

I CALL THAT REALITY TV.

PAIGE: THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

THERE IS A GIRL IN MY BED,ALEX.

YOU.

IT'S LIKE I WOKE UP IN SOMEWEIRD MOVIE WITH SUBTITLES -

THE KIND OF MOVIETHAT I HATE -

AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT,OKAY?

I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU.

ALL RIGHT,

I'M JUST GONNA GO RUBSOME TOOTHPASTE ON MY TEETH,

AND THEN YOU CAN WALK20 PACES AHEAD OF ME

ALL THE WAYTO THE BUS STOP.

? Whatever it takes

? I know I can make it through

? If I hold out

? I know I can make it through

? Be the best

? Be the best I can

? And I say to you

? Whatever it takes

? I know I can make it

? I know I can make it

? I know I can make it through

PAIGE: HI, HI, HI. SORRY I'M LATE.

HAZEL: HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU LAST NIGHT?

YOU AND ALEX WENTIN THE VIP PARTY

AND - POOF! -

YOU NEVER CAMEBACK OUT.

UM, I'M NOT QUITE SURE

HOW TO DESCRIBEWHAT HAPPENED...

EXACTLY.

WHY?

DID YOU MEETSOMEBODY?

YOU DID?!IS HE FAMOUS?

WOULD I KNOWWHO HE IS?

FAMOUS? NO.

BUT UM... YOU MIGHTKNOW WHO... HE IS.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

THE ASSEMBLY'SAT 4:00 P.M.,

SO WE SHOULD REALLYSTART REHEARSING

THAT NEW CHEER.

YOU KNOW, THE BIG

"THANK YOU KEVIN SMITH"ASSEMBLY;

THE ONE THAT YOU'VE WRITTEN THE NEW CHEER FOR.

YOU HAVE WRITTEN IT,RIGHT?

SURE, HON.

UM, I'VE GOT IT ALLWORKED OUT IN MY HEAD.

SO LET'S MEET BACK HERE AT NOON

AND I WILL HAVETHE MOST BRILLIANTISH CHEER

TYPED UP AND READYFOR REHEARSING.

OKAY, GREAT!

WHEN YOU ASKEDFOR A RIDE,

I THOUGHT YOU HADSOMETHING TO TELL ME.

[MOTORBIKE APPROACHING]

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET HIMKEEP THAT STUPID MOTORBIKE.

AW, IT'S HARMLESS...

IN A MID-LIFE CRISIS SORT OF WAY.

HE LOOKS HAPPY.

EMMA: MOM, BE HONEST,

HE LOOKS STUPID.

THAT BIKE WAS SUCHA MISTAKE.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LETPEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES.

THAT'S WHAT LOVE'SALL ABOUT.

EMMA?EMMA, I KNOW YOUHATE ME RIGHT NOW -

NOT THAT I DON'TDESERVE IT, BUT-

FOR HAVING AN AFFAIRWITH THE PRINCIPAL?I THINK YOU DESERVE

JUST A DROPOF ANGER FOR THAT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

IT'S NOT AN AFFAIR,ALL RIGHT?

IT STOPPED AT KISSING.

AND I PROMISE IT'LL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS.

SPIKE:[HONKING THE HORN]BYE, GUYS.

HATZILAKOS:HOW'RE YOU DOING TODAY?GOOD.

MORNING, EMMA.

DON'T TALK TO ME.

HEY.

CAN I ASK YOUA TEENSY QUESTION?

DO YOU EVERTHINK ABOUT GIRLS?

UH... INTERESTINGQUESTION

FIRST THINGIN THE MORNING.

NOW, DID YOU MISS THE YEARSTHAT I DATED YOUR BROTHER?

BUT JUST BECAUSEYOU'RE GAY,

THAT DOESN'T MEAN

YOU CAN'T THINKABOUT GIRLS

EVERY NOW AND THEN,RIGHT?

ARE YOU TRYING TO HOOK ME UPWITH SOMEONE?

OH WICKED. DOES THAT MEAN

THERE'S A GIRL OUT THEREWHO LIKES ME?

NO.

THE OBJECT OF FEMALEAFFECTION'S...

PRETTY MUCH ME.

YOU?

OH, I KNEW IT!

IT'S HEATHER SINCLAIR.

PAIGE, I'VE SEEN THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT YOU-

EW! DOUBLE EW!

NO, IT'S...IT'S NOT HEATHER SINCLAIR.

ALEX.

HEY.

PAIGE: HI.

HEY,PULL UP A CHAIR.

HEY, YOU TWO STILL NEEDTO TELL ME ABOUT

THAT VIP PARTYLAST NIGHT.

ALEX:I THINK I'M GONNA SITOVER HERE TODAY.

WHOA.

WHOA.

PAIGE, IT'S-IT'S ALEX?

SHE KISSED MELAST NIGHT.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

SIMPSON: MORNING, CLASS.

AS YOU KNOW, KEVIN SMITHWILL BE VISITING US TODAY.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE ADVANTAGEOF HIM BEING HERE

AND PREPARE SOME SMARTMEDIA QUESTIONS FOR HIM.

WAITING FOR SOMEONE?

OH LOOK,

HERE I AM IN AN ALLEYAND A RAT APPEARS

JUST LIKE MAGIC.

I FOUND THESE UNDER THE TABLEAT THE CLUB.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOUR NEWBESTEST GIRLFRIEND

MIGHT WANT THEM BACK.

JUST GIVE ME THE SHOESAND GO AWAY.

FIRST I WANT YOU TO TELL MEWHAT IT IS YOU THINK

YOU COULD POSSIBLYHAVE IN COMMON

WITH A STUCK-UPCHEERLEADER.

PAIGE: SORRY I TOOK SO LONG!

I SEEM TO HAVE INTERRUPTEDFUN TIME WITH JAY,

WHICH LOOKEDKIND OF HOT.

NOT. IN FACT,IT'S BEEN CANCELLED.

REPLACED BYFUN TIME WITH PAIGE.

PAIGE:ALEX? WE NEED TO TALK.

THIS CAN'T HAPPEN.

I'M NOT A...A LESBIAN.

AND YOU THINK I AM?

WELL, YOU'RE THE ONEWHO KISSED ME.

WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE?

AND FOR THE RECORD,

YOU KISSED ME BACK.

I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSEDTO LIKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

PEOPLE WHO WEAR BLACKWITH NAVY

AND WHO HATEEVERYTHING...

AND EVERYONE.

I DON'T HATE YOU.

EVEN IF YOU ARE ONEOF THE POPULAR IDIOTS

WHO DRINKS LATTES

AND READSSTUPID MAGAZINES

AND LAUGHSWAY TOO LOUD.

I HAVE TO LAUGHWHEN I'M AROUND YOU.

I CAN'T REALLY HELP IT.

AND I HAVE TO BE BETTERWHEN I'M AROUND YOU.

I CAN'T HELP ITEITHER.

JAY:NEED A COUPLE OF HANDSFOR YOUR POMS?

HAZEL:WHAT DO YOU WANT?

JAY:WORLD PEACE,A SALAMI SUB,

AND A CHANCE TO TALKTO MY GOOD FRIEND, HAZEY.

WE'RE NOT FRIENDS.

SO YOU DON'T WANNAHEAR MY NEWS THEN.

THAT PAIGE HAS GONETHE GAY-WAY.

EXCUSE ME?

JAY: YOU HEARD ME.

YEAH, I SAW YOUR FRIENDAND MY EX

DOING SOME SERIOUSLYSEXY DANCING LAST NIGHT.

SO? YOU NEEDTO GET OUT MORE.

GIRLS DO THAT STUFFALL THE TIME.

JAY: AND I JUST SAW PAIGE

LAY A BIG OL' SMOOCHON ALEX.

YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL METHAT'S SOMETHING

THAT GIRLS DOALL THE TIME?

I'M NOT GETTINGINVOLVED IN THIS.

LISTEN,

DO YOU REALLY THINKTHAT PAIGE WANTS TO END

HER DISTINGUISHEDHIGH SCHOOL CAREER

AS THE SCHOOL LESBO?

YOU'RE BEINGDISGUSTING.

I'M BEING HONEST.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,HUH?

ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE INEVITABLE RUMOURS

ABOUT YOU AND PAIGE?

IS THAT HOW YOU WANNA BE REMEMBERED?

HAZEL:PAIGE, I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU.

KINDA BUSY RIGHT NOW.

I'LL BET YOU'LL BE EVENBUSIER LATER...

WITH HER.

PAIGE...

I'VE GOT YOU.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT ALEX.

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

IS SHE LIKEYOUR GIRLFRIEND NOW?

OOF!

DON'T WORRY,I'M FINE.

WHO TOLD YOU?

JAY.

PAIGE, DID YOUBECOME A LESBIAN

AND NOT TELL ME?

NO, NO, HAZEL...

I'M NOT A LESBIAN.

HELLO!MATT? SPINNER?

I'VE DATED LOTS OF GUYS.

WELL, THEN HOW COME JAYSAW YOU KISSING ALEX?

UM...

I JUST...

GOT CAUGHT UPIN A MOMENT.

AND THAT'S ALL?

OF COURSE.

IT WAS TOTALLY STUPID.

IT MEANT NOTHING.

SHE MEANS NOTHING.

ALEX...

DON'T BOTHER.

HOW COULD YOU?

I DO NOT LIKE GIRLS.I CANNOT LIKE GIRLS.

THEN WHY DID YOUKISS ME?

I DON'T KNOW.I FELT BAD.

I DIDN'T WANTTO HURT YOU.

WHO NEEDS YOUR PITY,HUH?

I DON'T!

KEVIN:WELL...

OH, UM...

EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO UH...FLUSH MY HEAD DOWN THE TOILET.

MS. HATZILAKOS: OKAY, WE'RE READY TO BEGIN.

CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION, PLEASE?

CAN EVERY-

[LOUD MIC FEEDBACK]

CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION!

PLEASE GRAB YOUR SEATS, WE'RE GONNA BEGIN.

NOW!

THANK YOU.

AT THIS TIME LAST YEAR,

DEGRASSI WAS STRUGGLINGOUT OF AN AWFUL TRAGEDY.

AND THEN CAME KEVIN SMITH.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

HE CAST OUR SCHOOLAS THE BACKDROP FOR HIS MOVIE

"JAY AND SILENT BOBGO CANADIAN, EH?"

AND AS A TOKENOF OUR GRATITUDE,

MR. SMITH...

I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOUWITH AN HONORARY DIPLOMA.

NO. THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE]

BUT BEFORE WE MAKE ITCOMPLETEY OFFICIAL,

OUR SPIRIT SQUAD WOULD LIKETO SEND YOU ON YOUR WAY,

IN STYLE.

PAIGE?

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

I HAVEN'T COME UPWITH ANYTHING.

JUST IMPROVISE.

OKAY, UH... GO.

DO SOME CARTWHEELS!OKAY.

PAIGE:GIVE ME A "K"!

"K!"

PAIGE:GIVE ME AN "E"!

"E"?

GIVE ME A...V-I-N-S-M-I-T-H!

YAY!

UH...

[SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE]

MOM, I'M FINE.

DON'T SEEM FINE TO ME,LITTLE GIRL.

BUENOS DIAS,SENIORITAS!

THAT'S NOT YOURMOTORCYCLE HELMET.

WHERE'S ALL THE KEVLAR?

I SOLD IT.

THE MOTORBIKE, THE HELMET, THE WORKS, BECAUSE...

WE'RE GOING TO MEXICO!

YOU, ME, EMMA AND MANNY WILL BE SPENDING A WEEK

ON THE MAYAN RIVIERAAT THE END OF TERM!

BUT WHAT ABOUT JACK?

THE GRANDMAS ARE ALREADYFIGHTING FOR HIM!

IT'S ALL BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.

SPIKE:OH... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

I DON'T DESERVESUCH A PERFECT HUSBAND.

STOP IT!JUST STOP IT!

EMMA?

WHAT IS IT,SWEETHEART?

TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG.

IT'S ABOUT ME.

IT'S...IT'S SOMETHING I DID.

ALEX:WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIMEI TURN A CORNER,

THERE YOU ARE?

JAY:I'M LIKE ONE OF THOSEANNOYING POP SONGS.

ONCE I GET STUCK IN YOUR HEAD,

I'M IMPOSSIBLE TO GET RID OF.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, JAY?

REALLY?

MY LIFE SUCKS.

OKAY, I'M KICKED OUTOF SCHOOL,

SEAN MOVED AWAY,

SPINNER'S FOUND THE LORD...

AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER REALLY GOT ME

WON'T EVEN GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY.

I'M NOT PERFECT,I KNOW THAT.

BUT... I GET YOU,YOU KNOW?

THE REAL YOU.

'CAUSE YOU AND ME,WERE THE SAME.

YOU KNOW? WHY-

WHY DO YOU WANTTO FIGHT THAT?

KEVIN: ...SHOOT IT!

PITCH THE ROCK, SIR, PITCH IT!

JASON: WHAT'S UUUUUP!

OH COME ON! YOU SUUUCCCCCK!

DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, SON,HATE THE GAME.

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

OH, MISS MICHALCHUK!

WANNA SHOOT SOME HORSE WITH US?

OR ARE YOU RUNNING OFF TO A SPELLING BEE

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

OH, ABOUT THE CHEER...

PLEASE KNOW THAT I'VE COMPOSEDMORE CHEERY BEFORE.

NOBODY'S EVER DONE A CHEERIN MY HONOR, SO BY DEFAULT,

YOUR CHEER, FOR ME,

WAS ABOUT THE BESTI'VE EVER HAD.SO THANK YOU.

I WAS KINDA DISTRACTED.

DISTRACTED, HUH?LET ME GUESS,

BY SOME KIND OF ACID-TONGUED,RAVEN-HAIRED BEAUTY

FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS, MAYBE?

KEVIN, JASON,YOUR TAXI'S HERE.

KEVIN: THANK YOU, MS. HATZILAKOS.

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.DO YOU LIKE THIS GIRL?

LIKE, YOU KNOW,"LIKE HER" LIKE HER?

YEAH, I LIKE HER,

BUT I'M NOT GAY.

MY BROTHER IS GAY,I'M STRAIGHT.

I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

YOUR BROTHER'S GAY?

MY BROTHER'S GAY,TOO.

EVEN GOT MARRIEDTO A GUY.

REALLY?

YEAH,

IT WAS THE HOTTEST WEDDINGI'VE EVER BEEN TO IN MY LIFE.

REALLY, REALLY COOL,HANDS DOWN.

ALMOST MADE ME WANTTO SWITCH TEAMS.

ALMOST.

LOOK, I'M PROBABLYTHE LAST GUY IN THE WORLD

WHO SHOULD BE GIVING YOUADVICE ON THIS VERY SUBJECT,

BUT I DON'T KNOW...

YOU GUYS SEEMED HAPPYTHE OTHER NIGHT, YOU KNOW?

AND THAT'S KINDA RARE

AND WHETHER IT'S GAY,STRAIGHT, BI, WHATEVER,

IT'S KINDA WORTH INVESTIGATINGA LITTLE FURTHER, I'D SAY.

JUST MY TWO CENTS.

YOU'RE JUST GONNASTAND THERESTARIN' AT ME

AFTER I'VE DROPPEDTHAT WISDOM ON YOU?

C'MON,THAT'S YOUR MOVE!

GO CHASE THE GIRL,SILLY!

SIMPSON: IT WAS A MISTAKE! IT WAS JUST A KISS!

SPIKE: WHAT ABOUT EMMA? WHAT ABOUT HER FEELINGS?

SIMPSON: LOOK, BELIEVE ME,

IT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION TO INVOLVE HER IN THIS.

SPIKE: JUST GO!

I'M SO SORRY,EMMA.

BUT I'M GONNA GOSTAY AT JOEY'S,

JUST FOR AWHILE.

NO! NO, YOU CAN'T!

GO UP THERE AND CONVINCE HERTO LET YOU STAY.

EMMA, LISTEN...

WHAT I DIDWAS HORRIBLE BUT...

I WOULD NEVERHAVE DONE IT

IF THERE WASN'T SOMETHINGWRONG WITH ME.

I GOTTA GO FIGURETHAT OUT.

DO YOU LOVE MY MOTHER?

OF COURSE.

AND JACK?

EM, HE'S MY SON.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU KNOW I DO.

SO WHAT'S TO FIGURE OUT?!

[SOBBING]

JAY: THIS IS NICE, HUH?

JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

I SAID YOU COULD COME INAND WATCH TV, JAY.

THAT'S ALL.

THIS DOESN'TMEAN ANYTHING.

YEAH, SURE, LEXI.WHATEVER YOU SAY.

[DOOR SLAMS]

CHAD.

HEEEY!

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.YOU BEEN WORKING HARD?

NO, HARDLY WORKING!

WHERE ARE YOU AT,BUD?

OH YOU KNOW,HERE AND THERE.

JUST TRYING TO KEEPMYSELF OUT OF TROUBLE.

EMILY:OH GIMME SOME SUGAR,YOU HANDSOME DEVIL! HELLO.

LOOK AT YOU...

YOU ARE LOOKING AS BEAUTIFULAS EVER, EMILY.

AW, SUCH A CHARMER!

I ALWAYS KNEW THIS ONEWAS A KEEPER, LEXI.

SORT OF REMINDS ME OF OL' CHAD HERE.

I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU FINALLYCAME TO YOUR SENSES

AND TOOK JAY BACK, BABY.

I HAVEN'T TAKENHIM BACK.

WELL, NOT YET.

NO! NOT EVER!

I NEED SOME AIR.

'KAY.

I'VE BEEN TRYINGTO WORK UP THE NERVE

TO RING THE DOORBELL.

WE DON'T HAVE ONE.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

ANY ROOM IN ITFOR A STUPID GIRL?

I ALREADY HAVEONE OF THOSE.

WELL, HOW ABOUT...ROOM FOR...

SOMEONE WHO'S READYTO STOP WORRYING SO MUCH

ABOUT WHAT OTHERPEOPLE THINK?

MIGHT BE ROOM FOR HER.

ALEX,I'M SORRY ABOUT BEFORE...

WHAT I SAID.

WHATEVER PAIGE,IT'S COOL.

NO, IT'S NOT.

I SAID YOU WERENOTHING TO ME,

WHICH...

WHICH IS A TOTAL LIE.

BECAUSE RIGHT NOW?

YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.

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