Original subtitles

- First, Mr.Walfish's tuque in the eaves trough.

And we mustn't forget the visiting lieutenant

you decked out and accosted on the tarmac!

- You understand a word this hoser's saying, Silent Bob?

How'd she get to be Principal when she don't even speak

gooder English like us Americans?

- You boys are too bloody stupid

to make the grade down in the States,

and your last hope is the school system

of the Great White North, eh!

You wanna get "oot" of Grade 12?

You'd better start learning what the metric system's all "aboot!"

- I've got three words for you:

Go to--

Sir!!! - There'll be no more cuss words

out of you, you potty-mouthed mall-rat!

You're gonna learn the dual languages

of my home and native land,

and you're gonna SAVOUR MY POUTINE!

'Cause you're in Canada now, eh?

- And that'd be a CUT!

- Okay, boys, cut. - Very nice.

- Really? It wasn't too subtle for you?

- Subtle, no, but I do think

the PM's gonna revoke your citizenship.

- Where am I gonna hide out for four more years

of Bush in the States? It's why I'm here.

- It's why I'm here. Isn't that why you're here?

- Oh, no, sir... That's why I'm here. Hey, how you doin'?

- Craig, do not let this fool mack on your broad

just 'cause he's been in a few movies.

- A few bad movies. - Exact...

- So sorry, Kevin - that was out loud, wasn't it?

C'mon, Mewesey, lets go make out in the trailer.

- For real? - For real.

- And I cast her in two movies as God...

What are you doing here, sir?

Shouldn't you be home writing me a tune?

- My fault. I dragged him away. - She's, uh...

She's abandoning me tomorrow. - Right - London Calling.

What will you do before you leave the UK?

- See a movie in Leicester Square.

- Very, very good! Make sure you write this dude

tones of lovey-dovey postcards. I need him in that frame of mind

so he can write me a power ballad.

I gotta get back to work. You, I suggest you do the same.

Beat it. - Alright.

Not like I'll have anything better to do all summer.

Right? - Craig, please. You said.

- It's a joke. It's me, it's joking.

It's great. It's a great opportunity.

And I'll be fine. Honest.

- Less than 24 hours from now, I'm on a plane to England.

� Whatever it takes �

� I know I can make it through �

� Uh huh alright �

� If I hold out �

� If I do �

� I know I can make it through �

� Be the best �

� Be the best I can �

� And... and I say to you �

� Whatever it takes � � I know I can make it �

� I know I can make it �

� I know I can make it through ��

- So I've always been a huge fan of Canada. Obviously.

I love your country, like it a lot.

You don't invade other countries.

You kinda hang back, try to go unnoticed,

so you don't get invaded. Which is very sweet.

- Right. So, um, just for a sec, can we talk about the movie?

- Movie? C'mon, man, who're you, Regis and Kelly?

I mean, since when does "Signing-off-from-planet-Earth-

I'm-Caitlin-Ryan" wanna talk about the movies?

- How do you know the sign-off from my old show?

- No, actually. Why?

- If you'd listen to me the other day, you'd know:

'cause I'm creepy. I told you I was a big fan.

See? I got a real thing for pretty girls

who chain themselves to trees and say "aboot."

- Uh... you are using real Degrassi kids as actors, yes?

- Yes, real students, and we're shooting in the school

and I'm very interested in keeping it real.

- And so why set the film-- - You don't wanna say the title,

do you? "Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh?"

- Right. Why make them "go Canadian"?

- Um, well, I don't know, if they ever needed a reason,

I would say that the very alluring women

of the True North would make any thinking man

wanna "go Canadian," Ms. Ryan.

Yeah, I'm talking about you!

- And cut! - That's lunch, everybody!

- Liberty, you can buy bottles of those at the grocery store.

- Why buy them when they're here, gratis?

- You should've seen her yesterday with the mini-corn.

That was really gross.

Dot's catering the shoot, okay?

So until summer school starts, I'm here,

and... got Jay a job, too.

So, uh, what are you having? We have prime rib,

chicken Cordon Blue-- - I'd rather eat my own liver

than accept food from you two scumbags.

- Manning, do I need to remind you

that I'm holding a big, scary knife in my hand?

- Yeah?

Watch your fingers.

- Did you take your pills last night?

- Don't ask me that. It's embarrassing.

- No, that was embarrassing.

- Sorry. I'm sorry.

- Jay, when I was born,

Star Wars had already been out on video for ten whole years.

You're too old.

- I know there's laws to prevent it,

I'm gonna marry Apollonia.

She's the sugar in my maple, the cheese in my poutine,

the back in my bacon!

- The "ick" in pathetic...

- Ha, ha, ha! Cut.

Very nice,Ellie. "Ick in pathetic."

Manny, nice job. You...

- Herr Direktor wanted "a real goth girl."

From 1988, I guess.

- He heard that, Marilyn Manson.

- I did. And it really hurt. I fought to cast you.

- Only trying to get Morrissey here to crack a smile.

- Why?

Ash is leaving to England, where she's gonna find

some way cooler guy with an accent,

fall madly in love and never, ever come back.

- Argh, the angst. Thank god I'm not a teenager anymore.

- It's not funny.

- That's right. It's...

It's "pathetic."

- Sir!

What "flirt with-disaster" here is trying to say

is just go already, man.

I dunno what you're doing hanging around

the hallways of Degrassi all summer anyway.

Find some summer music program with Coldplay or some excuse.

But just go hang out with your old lady in London.

What could be better than that? Beats this.

Can I speak with you for a second?

The teenage-girl thing has to stop.

It was funny the first time, now it's just sick.

Sick. You have a problem.

- Stepmom alert!

Minimize! Minimize!

- You can't even get to porn in here.

Simpson has "Online Officer."

- What about travel porn?

Money shots of pigeons fouling Trafalgar Square?

Big Ben in the rain?

- So you don't think me going to England

is the worst idea since...

whatever my last idea was?

-I think a summer away would be great for you, actually.

- I'm trying to get the Canadian flag

into every shot in the movie.

'Cause I'm a really big fan of the Canadian flag.

So was Mewes until he figured out

it was a maple leaf

instead of...

the wacky...

- Ah, you've got something more Hollywood, right?

More dishy?

- Kevin is not exactly "dishy."

I mean he's, uh... more self-deprecating,

funny. - Funny's good.

Especially when it's coming from a bona-fide celebrity.

Let's use this opportunity, okay?

Take "Local Heroes" to a new level.

- A lower level... - That's right.

We're talking the same language.

- Would you call something up for me?

Around the three-minute mark.

- If you look at it, more Democrats went

to see "Shrek 2" last year than voted in the election,

so what's there to get excited about? Or "aboot"?

- That's going in.

Don't worry about Tomas. I'll take the bullet.

(cellphone ringing)

Hello. Caitlin Ryan.

Yes, this is she.

What?

This guy buys an SUV yesterday -

top of the line, 80+.

He comes back today, buys one for the wife.

- Wow. Amazing for you. Not for global warming...

- I know, I know. As usual, you're my conscience.

But, honey, two SUVs!

- Um... I had a windfall today too, actually.

A rep for a big...

well, big-ish broadcaster in LA called.

They want to revive "Ryan's Planet."

- Really? From up here?

- Down there.

But, uh...

of course, I can't accept it.

Leave my family?

- Your family, which includes a sexy little car magnate

who loves you very much.

What an honour being asked, huh?

- Yeah...

Uh, so Craig's in the garage

and he has something he wants to talk to you about.

As a favour, try to listen?

- Apparently I'm supposed

to be "open." As in "my mind."

- Okay, there's this great music school...

- In Camden. - It's part of London.

I'd be earning a credit for next year.

- You wanna go to England? - It's just for the summer

and he's got education money in his trust fund.

- Yeah, Ashley's dad is there and there are like teacher types

in my dorm. Just say yes.

Just give in already.

Caitlin and I have thought of everything.

- Not six months ago, you were hospitalized,

diagnosed bi-polar.

- I'm okay now. I'm on my meds.

I've been on them for months. - Craig, no,

I don't feel comfortable with you being

thousands of miles away from me. What if something went wrong?

- Right.

I mean, England probably wouldn't

even let a psychopath like me in.

Right?

They already had one: Jack the Ripper!

And mad-cow disease!

- I'm not saying that, Craig...

- Listen, girl-fiend, you and your so-post-pubescent-

he-makes-The-Backstreet-Boys- look-relevant boyfriend

can kiss my yoga-toned ass.

- Listen, lady, there's some places

I won't even put my mouth!

- And that'd be a cut. Thank god.

That will bring us outta the scene, people.

And Paige? - Yes, Mr. Smith?

Did you love me, did you really, really love me?

- Oh, love's not the word, hon.

That's a wrap for you today. Thank you.

You were very, uh... you were very.

You guys were good, really good.

Let's do the next one.

Ohmygawd,

lady, you are just flat-out haunting me.

Keep coming to the set,

I'll have to put you in the movie.

- She better not get more lines than me, sir.

- Don't worry, the movie's not called "Caitlin and Silent Bob."

- Oh, but that's the movie you wanna make.

- Well, d'uh. - X-rated version.

- Well, that was awkward.

How are you? - Great.

I got a call last night, from, um... LA.

- Ah!!! A call from LA? No, I don't believe it.

- So I just wanted to thank you for setting it up.

- No need to thank me. - Well, I do,

'cause, uh... I said no.

- Um... no? Wait.

No? You didn't... You can't say no.

- I have a family, I have my own show.

I mean, I can't just take off to LA.

- Not for nothing,

but you gotta go back to acting globally.

Never mind all this local stuff;

it's heartbreaking seeing you sitting around

cobbling together puff pieces

about visiting D-grade celebrities. It's beneath you.

- D-grade celebrities?

- Yeah. - Like you?

- Wait!

- Yo, I'm at least a C-grade celebrity, though.

- I have no process.

I don't consider myself a filmmaker, really.

I'm just a guy who gets to direct what he writes.

- Sorry, Caitlin, I'm locking you out

of the edit suite on this one. - What?

You're taking the Kevin Smith spot away from me?

- Yeah. I want celebrity gossip, alright?

Even non-celebrity gossip.

Hell, if this guy spent the whole segment

talking about his gay dog,

it'd be more enjoyable than this.

- I try not to overthink it.

- It's his process as a filmmaker!

- Yeah, and I'm not laughing, alright?

I'm not hearing anything about Bennifer.

- Every time I hand something in to you,

you rip it apart or you change it!

Why?

- Why? You tell me, Caitlin. This isn't "Ryan's World."

- Ryan's Planet. - Or that.

It's "Local Heroes."

- I quit.

- So it still needs lyrics, but what do you think?

- It's good! I got something for it.

Ashley please don't go

Please don't leave me

Don't fall in love

With an ugly Limey - Shut up.

- You can't throw fries at a kid in a wheelchair.

- Craig.

- Let's go get our seats. - Craig, listen.

I know you thought I was being offensive,

but, honestly, I wasn't trying to hurt you.

- Yeah, well, you did. I mean,

why do I take the stupid pills? You don't believe I'm better.

- There are conditions, though.

I'm calling the school to disclose your illness.

I want you to call me every day,

especially if something doesn't feel right.

And I want Mr. Kerwin to keep an eye on you, too.

- Yeah. Everything. Anything.

I can handle it. I can, really.

Hey.

What d'you got in here?

- Every shoe I own.

You know, I thought this whole goodbye thing

was gonna be so hard. But I'm so glad you're here,

and you surprised me.

- Parting is so not sweet sorrow.

I'm, uh, I'm coming.

Tomorrow.

But since it's a red-eye, I'll be in London the day after.

- You're just flying to London?

- It's what planes are for.

- You can't follow me to England.

- Ash, come on...

- Why... why are you here doing this?

Are you off your meds?

- No, I'm not off my meds.

I'm here 'cause I love you

and I have plans. - So do I, Craig.

And you said you were okay with them.

You said it repeatedly - so what is this?

- This is trying to figure out how we're gonna spend

the summer together. You think I'm having an episode!

- I don't know what to think!

Look, I need space. I need to get away.

- Oh, okay.

- From you.

Look, Craig, I love you.

But ever since my dad's wedding, it's been me, worrying.

Me watching for signs, watching what I say.

- Why won't you just believe me? I'm better now.

I'm okay.

I am.

- Email me, okay?

I'll see you in September.

- He says, "It's 'Local Heroes.' "

Like... like, it's actually a good title.

- It's the single worst title since "Hope Floats."

- Thank you! 'Cause you'd think

he would want me to add some substance

to his crappy, unoriginal idea of a show.

If he was here right now, I'd throw this drink,

with the ice cubes, in his face.

- Listen to you! Right on!

This is the Caitlin Ryan I remember, the Caitlin Ryan

from the DVDs - "Ryan's Planet." That Caitlin Ryan.

- No, this is the Caitlin that produces fluff

like camping trips and high-school blood drives

and... I need another drink.

- No, hon, you don't need another drink.

You know, I need about ten drinks

to get to whatever plane you're on right now.

- Uh-huh.

So who's on Kevin's "plane" anyhoo?

- Is that your very drunk, charming way

of asking me if I'm involved with anybody, Ms. Ryan?

- No. - No?

- I'm just, actually, asking if you're gay.

- Gay? No, I'm not gay.

Is that what you think?

Heavens, no. Just... Why, do I come off as gay?

'Cause I thought... - A little.

- Do I really? Right on.

Good to know. No, no. I'm very into chicks, actually.

I like chicks quite a bit.

- So why aren't you married?

- Well, um... I think I've just always been kinda waiting

for that one woman who I like to refer to as the Iris.

- Ohmygawd, you're engaged to a woman named Iris

and I'm sitting here hitting on you.

- No, hon, no, calm down. Its... Boy, you are drunk.

Do you know what it means "to iris-in"?

No, you wouldn't remember if you did.

It's a film term

and, uh, it's like, at the end of a Chaplin short -

ever seen one of those?

When Chaplin's walking away, the camera and the images

are shrinking into a little circle.

"Iris-ing in." And I think

that I've always kinda been waiting for that one woman

that just, you know, makes me...

"iris in." I'm sorry, did you say

you were hitting on me before?

Omygod, that was so awesome.

Are you alright? I'm sorry, I didn't... Are you okay?

'Cause that was awesome for me.

Caitlin, wait!

- So?

- So. - So you've been home

for half an hour, you haven't said a word.

I get it. You don't want

to tell the "dad" all the private details.

Even if that dad did pay for the plane ticket...?

Ashley was happy, right?

- Thrilled. Blissed out.

Neither of us can wait till I get there.

- Good.

- Yeah.

All this excitement...

Gotta sleep.

- Alright, buddy, get some rest. We got a big day tomorrow.

We gotta get you luggage, money belt, some British pounds.

Tally ho!

Young love.

And not-quite-so-young love.

I don't know what kinda love that was,

but that was good. - Marry me.

- Have you been drinking? - Yes.

No. Yes.

But just marry me.

I want to come home to you, I wanna wake up with you,

I wanna focus all my attention on you.

- I thought you'd never ask.

Yes.

Hey, you ready? You got everything?

Your camera, passport?

All my phone numbers, Ashley's dad's number?

- Yes, for the 400th time. Stop worrying!

You're all grown up.

Hey, I'm proud of you, you know that?

- Yeah.

- Have a great trip.

- See you in September.

- Yeah.

- We're not going to the airport.

There's been a change of plans. - Okay.

DVD Subtitling: CNST, Montreal

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0