Original subtitles

I'm here on a supply run,

doing something completely unheard of.

The falcated duck male...

it possesses an elaborate tail plumage,

which I plan on recreating, using a little known technique,

which uses paper feathers.

The tail plumage is actually a sign of fitness

and it denotes the male sexual vitality.

This duck fucks.

I inherited it from Rod Carrow.

No. He won the nationals in '83.

Yep. There's a lot of history in this tool.

You want to hold it?

Come on. Don't tease me.

Go on.

Oh my God. It's like a lightning rod.

I gotta tell ya,

that chisel helped me rough out

some of the best ducks I ever carved.

And do you miss it? Carving?

Every day.

Enjoy it while you've got it, kid.

Brunswick.

Peltier.

Oh, boy!

There's a lot of delicate egos coming through this competition

and this arrangement takes a lot of brain power.

A star next the name on this list indicates

that someone has requested that they not be placed next to you.

Imagine...

Wait a minute.

Hold on.

That just might be it.

Dennis!

Yeah?!

- Dennis, come here! - What?!

- Come up! - What?!

Oh, wow.

You cracked it.

It nearly killed me, but I think I really did it.

This is...

What? What is it?

Open your eyes, Barb.

You got Frank Brunswick next to Ed Macyk.

That's suicide!

I can't do it. it's too much!

Pull yourself together! Come on!

There's thirty-six people relying on you!

You think I don't know that?!

You lost?

Draw knife bit the dust.

So, I thought I'd patronize a struggling small business owner.

The only thing I'm struggling to do is understand

why you didn't just order one online.

Oh, God, the history here...

It's like two rutting bucks locking horns.

Alberta carving has been a three-horse race

for the last twenty years...

Donald "The Loonatic" Sinclair,

Rhett Peltier, and Frank Brunswick.

Frank Brunswick has never taken home the crown.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Rhett and The Loonatic have been trading the title

back and forth, until, three years ago,

when Rhett had to step off the competition circuit.

Tremors.

And well, we lost The Loonatic.

And so, now,

Frank Brunswick is the top dog.

I'll take a draw knife.

That's a serious tool, Brunswick.

Before purchase,

I'm gonna have to ask you if you're capable to handle it.

Peltier...

I doubt you'd be able to ID tupelo from basswood.

That's rich, coming from Frank "The Copycat" Brunswick.

He's never carved an original decoy in his life.

- Ball hockey. - Oh, yeah?

'92?

You showed up with an exact replica

of Russ Mann's shoveler, which won in '86.

I've never heard of Russ Mann.

What about '98?

Andy Pelech set the circuit on fire with a Canvas Back,

and lo and behold, old Brunswick here shows up with,

you guessed it, a Canvas Back.

You don't have an original bone in your body.

Oh my God.

It is a cage match!

No one, and I mean no one, on the circuit has relied more

on sucking up to the judges than you, Rhett.

I lobbied for blind submissions...

keep the carver out of it...

and you were the one who was so scared.

It's duck carving, Frank!

You can't separate the carver from the duck!

You want to sterilize carving,

surround yourself with diagrams and charts.

But by God, you'll never get it.

Nothing about duck carving has to be correct;

it just has to be true.

That doesn't even make sense.

Just give me the damn knife and I'll go.

Take the knife,

free of charge.

I don't want you having any excuses

when you lose again this year.

You and old Donald Sinclair,

playing grab ass in the winner's circle for the last ten years.

I'm glad he's gone.

Get out.

My technique will finally get the recognition it deserves.

The only thing you deserve is a rotary tool up your ass.

The joke's on him... I don't use power tools.

How about this?

Whoops. So long.

You weren't actually going to stab him, were you?

I brought dinner!

Dinner? I just met her.

That one doesn't work.

Ehh. It kind of does.

And yeah, no, dinner would be fantastic.

I'll take it in my studio.

Your studio?

This is our dining room and you're not a painter.

Painter?

I just met her!

She loves it.

The Mallard duck has managed to exist in man's world

and he's done it most successfully.

You win.

For a more complete story on the mallard duck,

why not contact the Canadian Wildlife Service in Ottawa?

I... I know now why my dad loved this so much.

It's so peaceful.

And when you see it come together from a block of wood,

you feel so... accomplished.

The time I wasted when he was around

and I took it for granted.

I could have done this with him a hundred times,

I never did.

I only thought about myself.

You know, he's never talked about his dad that much

since he's passed.

I'd like to return this wood.

What seems to be the issue, Zeke?

Carver's block.

You hear about it happening to people,

just don't think it's gonna happen to you.

I see.

Zeke, brother...

I owe you an apology.

No. I'm the one that needs to apologize...

to the wood, to the trees, to the gods of carving.

No. This block's defective.

- Defective? - Yeah, man.

I must swap this. No charge.

Hang on.

I am so sorry, man.

You really should be a little more careful, Rhett.

Some people go crazy when it comes this carving business.

They can lose their minds!

It's irresponsible.

Sorry, Zeke.

Won't happen again..

I knew there was something off with that wood.

Exact same piece of wood.

Hi, sweetie.

Ex... excited for the competition, I bet.

Maybe you'll meet a nice guy there this year.

Someone to date. Wouldn't that be nice?

Well...

... I'll leave you to it.

That would be nice, but I don't have much hope.

It doesn't help that the average age at the competition

is probably 70 and...

none of the seniors want a relationship.

They just wanna hook up.

It's done.

Oh my God.

- All done. - Wow.

Looks pretty good, this one.

I think so, too.

I hope the judges agree.

Thank you, Dennis.

We will get this done, Barb, okay?

Somehow we will.

We have to.

Starting from scratch.

- No! - I'm sorry.

It's late, babe.

I'm almost done.

Wow. It looks great.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Just have to glue these eyes on and then I'm done.

It's kind of absurd.

The rules say they have to be glass.

Wait, there's rules?

Are there? There's twenty pages of them.

No. You've got to be kidding me.

Look at this.

"Carvers will be judged on how well they capture the bird's jizz."

Please tell me that "jizz" means something else in duck carving.

Thankfully, it does. There's no jizz capturing happening.

It's just... you know, it means the bird as a whole. Okay?

Well, it seems safer to say that.

We carvers prefer "jizz."

I, um... I know you'll be happy to see this all cleaned up.

I'll tidy everything before I go to Lloyd tomorrow

and then, I'll be out of your hair.

About that, um...

Sarah's in town this weekend.

- Okay. - She offered to take my shifts.

I'm coming with you.

- Really? - Yeah.

You're coming to Lloydminster?

Yeah. I don't wanna miss it.

I gotta make sure you capture that jizz.

_

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