Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Yes.

Oh, hey!

He's calling me in.

Yeah, I'm calling you in.

Oh come smear on me.

Damn, you are gaping, come here,

- you piece of hairpie. - Oh.

You like smelling all my holes?

Yeah, you're flourishing down there.

It's like a bunch of chopped ham.

Oh yeah?

My dick's harder than Chinese arithmetic.

Oh.

Shit, it's the ole man.

Oh, care.

Well, you gotta hide.

Grr!

- Oh. - Well, shit.

Jesus, where the hell am I gonna hide?

Well, I don't care, just hide.

And not there.

Why not?

Oh, no.

Here man, come on, he ain't gonna see if I get down.

I can still see you, dipshit.

In the closet, in the closet!

Hey!

Whose piece of shit truck is that

and who the fuck are you talking to?!

No one, Daddy.

Myself, I was fixing to fix myself.

What are you doing home?

Well, I woke up in the basement

at the poker game and I was naked.

Oh, you poor thing, why don't you come here?

Come here.

- Come here. - Hmm, Mama.

Yee haw, woo!

Yee haw, yee, woohoo!

Oh yeah!

Oh, I play poker naked too, grr.

You son of a bitch!

You mullet wearing motherfucker,

you come back here, I'm gon kill you.

Don't go shooting, you fucking jackass!

Ah, come here, come on.

Ha, fuck you, butterfly!

What do we have here?

Well, hey there, girly.

Fuck off, Dale.

Pff, love you too, you fine piece of hairpie.

Yeah, yeah, come on.

Oh.

Yo man, what the shit?

Get out of here.

Can't you see I'm out here balling with my boys?

You guys are my boys, right?

Sorry, Stanley.

Yo, man, how many times I gotta tell you it's $-Money?

And the S is like a dollar sign, that shit's gangsta.

Shut up, ya honkey.

Stanley, dinner's ready!

Ma, can't you see I'm talkin' to my boy

Arch Dickey Dickey Dale.

But I made mac and cheese.

Yo, your Mom's mac and cheese is da bomb!

Yo, ask your Mom if she use that paprika, son!

Man, shut up.

Hey, Mom, did you use the paprika?

Of course I used paprika, sugar bear!

Stanley just loves me.

Deuces, bitch!

What?

Hey!

Easy there, Space Race.

No, I will not take it easy!

You owe me four months rent, you hillbilly piece of shit!

And don't think I don't know what you're doing in there

with all those koochey, koochey boom booms.

I cut you break expecting hot oil action,

but you no call Sergey.

That's it, you're oot!

Oot?

Oot!

Oot, oot?

Oot!

Oot?

Oot!

I don't know your space terms, all right, relax.

Shit, you'll get your rent.

Put your ball away, man.

Assholes.

Oh, hey pretty lady.

What, what, you want to go spring break?

You want to have spring break with me?

I can give free rent, you know.

I have the power!

Damn you, three-legged street dog!

Quiet up in there, Alphonso, you meaty Mexican.

The fuck do you want?

Man, what the fuck do you want, man, I'm busy.

Why are you drinking baby beer?

Why the fuck wouldn't I be?

Can I borrow some money?

No, what do you want it for?

This chick that Holmes and I used to tag team

is claiming I'm the father of one of her kids.

So I wanna take a DNA test to prove to her

that I'm not!

Come here Angel, come say hi.

Hi, Ron.

Angel, Dale.

Dale, Angel.

Hi Dale.

Nice to meet you, you have a nice set of tits.

I'm still not gonna help you,

I don't have any cash.

Dale, I'm not ready to be a father, come on.

Then fucking wear a rubber, man.

They don't make them big enough.

Damn right they don't.

Then wear a fucking trash bag, later.

What are you doing?

You can't leave now!

Hey, Dale!

Open up the door, we gotta talk some more!

Dale, come on, this is ridiculous.

I'm the hedgehog for god's sakes.

Dale!

Hey, Alphonso, you meaty Mexican.

Eat up, fuckface.

Come on, you need your fat.

I can't wait for some squirrel dumpling.

Your cousin was great.

Fucker.

Oh shit, whatever.

Dale.

Brenda is divorcing me.

I don't wanna be alone right now.

I'm gonna do it this time, Dale.

I feel it, man.

But I wanna get drunk first.

- Jesus, Rick. - Meet me at the Rusty Nail

tonight for some drinks.

Sources report that the infamous Bambino crime family

has been linked to the disappearances of local bookies.

Coming up next, having the hardest time

figuring out what sort of costume

to put on your little furry friend?

Our pet costume expert Dolores Dolores

will be here to discuss the hottest trends

in the pet Halloween industry.

I'm Hank Stuckey and we're First at Four.

Dale?

Dale, you son of a bitch,

I know you're in there.

I could smell ya.

Dale?!

And answer the damn door, you piece of shit!

Christ, stop pounding, you dumb bitch!

Damn earthquake strap's coming loose.

Where's my child support, you fucking deadbeat?

Pff!

Not today!

Christ.

That's what you said about the condom

and look what happened.

Hey!

Get out of the car and say hi to your pappy.

What the hell do you keep them trunked up for?

Don't tell me what to do with my kids.

They're my kids too, ya homegrown.

Yeah you think.

Shit.

Hey Pa, guess what?

Sup?

I got me my first piece of hairpie.

Right on, Bill Junior.

How about you, Junior?

Women ain't nothing but a hassle.

They take all of your money.

Pff, that's right.

Hey, now all right,

now go play with them damn beer cans!

Hey!

And your little brother!

Come on, man.

And the baby.

- Pff. - Dumbass.

I don't even know why I feed you.

Who the hell is this dick?

Dale, it's me.

Your brother?

Archie!

Shit, Arch, I didn't recognize you

without no bushy mustache.

Oh, you know I got a promotion down there

at the Tire Depot.

Good.

That mustache made you look like a Mexican.

Say what?

Look, what the hell you guys doing here?

We came to pick up Renee's convertible

before we go on staycation.

God I can't wait to go to the hideaway

and get away from you dumbasses.

The shit is a hideaway?

And staycation, what the fuck you talking about?

Well Archie won salesman of the year.

You remember Maribeth?

No.

Maribeth, the bitch who ran the train.

Train out at Lane School.

I remember that fat bitch.

She worked down at the shop.

I keep her all frothy,

she rang up all her sales under my number.

I still got it, bro.

And this is our prize.

We get to stay here for two whole weeks.

Well whoop dee fucking doo, Renee.

I don't give a shit.

Hey!

What the hell did I say?

Not near the damn trailer!

Don't be getting cuts on them fingers of yours,

I ain't paying for no tetanus shots.

Look, I ain't got time for this.

I still gotta drop that stupid baby off at Crystal's

before the Nascar party.

Pfff.

Get in the car.

You little fucking shits.

Bye, Pa.

Fuck you, Dale.

Now get the hell off my property.

Hey, quit moving around back there,

you're gonna get footprints all over my fuckin' interior!

Shut up!

Bunch of assholes.

Can you put some of this on my back?

I can't reach.

Of course.

Hey, Dale.

What's up, Brittany?

Hi, Dale.

Hey Dale.

Dammit, Ronnie, put that shit away, man.

Nobody needs to see that right now!

Dammit, boy, give me 25 jumping jacks!

Sir, yes sir.

Archdale!

Treachery's afoot.

Word of our enemies has reached my ears.

What?

He's right, Dale.

Momma said we might lose the trailer park.

I hear if Serge can't get 50 grand,

he'll lose it all.

Pff!

This ain't gonna happen, we ain't goin nowhere.

I like your confidence, Archdale.

Would you like to join us in our quarters

for some food rations?

We're having chick pea with sweet corn pate

and mango salsa.

What the hell's the matter with you, boy?

We're having steakums!

Ooh.

I do enjoy a piece of meat in my mouth

every now and then.

- Me too. - Me three.

Dammit boy, get inside!

Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two!

Yeah you got some nice tits.

Thank you.

Shit.

Sup?

She's divorcing me, Dale.

Good, 'cause I hate that bitch.

Shit.

I just wanna go crazy.

Let's drive to Williamsburg and just throw down!

Sounds like a bad idea.

The fuck?

Shit, man!

The hell?

That magician just do a live bar trick?

Dammit, Dale.

Can't you even try to say something to cheer me up?

Like tell me a joke or something.

All right, fuck.

All right man, what do you call them

liquor bottles over there?

Racist.

Shit, man, elixir.

Look at that little hussy, huh?

She pretty hot.

Don't give her your rape face, dude, Jesus man.

Chicks don't wanna see that shit!

It's just my regular face, Dale.

Besides I'm kinda taking mental pictures for later.

Yeah, I heard you, fair enough.

All right, what about that chick right there?

Oh, I don't know.

She kind of got a front butt, you know?

Who cares?

So what, the bitch is scrimmage then

for the big games, right?

I mean shit, I'd rather take a hot chick that's sexy

and fucking fat than a skinny chick

who's uncoordinated any day.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

And thank you.

Wow.

Shit man, why don't you go bark at her?

All right.

Come on, all right.

Damn fuck man, goddamn Rick.

Sloppy shit, man.

Oh hell no.

I hate magicians.

I wanna see him pull a rabbit from a hat

rearry, rearry bad.

Excuse me miss, I'm not thirsty anymore.

Can I please get a refund for the rest of this cocktail?

Oh shit.

Fuck.

What the?

Why is the lock not working?

Down my locker, there.

The fuck, man?

Sorry, Dale.

I not come up with money to keep trailer park.

Everybody have till end of month

to get the fuck out!

Oooh!

Fuck man, it's like two weeks away, bro.

I have Russian love bride coming.

We need special place to make the sex.

Come, now!

I reckon I'd fuck that, yep.

I'll be right back.

Oh, fuck.

Shit am I gonna go?

Moving on up, huh?

What the shit is he doing here?

You're not ruining my vacation.

I don't care.

I gotta agree with Renee.

This is supposed to be our staycation.

Oh it makes me so hot the way you say

that staycation shit.

Jesus, you two.

What the hell?

Hey, stop pounding on my car!

Stop pounding on my momma!

We wanted some alone time.

Me and Archie are trying to make more babies.

You can't get pregnant!

You're already pregnant, bitch!

Well I gotta keep icing that cake,

make sure it turns out my flavor this time.

Shut up, you dumb shits.

You ain't smart!

Oh yeah, right there, oh.

God damn, that makes me sick.

Jesus Christ!

I can't stop looking at it.

Ah, shit, I'm getting a boner.

Ah god, stop doing that shit!

The hell is that noise?

Lou's redoing the summer cottage.

Lou?

Lou's redoing the summer cottage?

Lou's?

All he does is rent out to dirtbag shitwhores

all summer long!

And I have to listen to it all goddamn day!

Well this will be the last pass

of those sausages at breakfast ever!

I swear to God, mark my words!

Hello.

Hello, excuse me, hi.

Hello, hi.

I'm Ginger and that's my house right there.

Give it to me hard!

Mmm, hey you little lion you.

Rarr.

Why thank you.

Yeah, mmm-mmm.

So you folks staying here?

Something like that.

Are those yours?

You want them to be?

Well maybe you should let them out.

Maybe you should put on a little foreign bathing suit

and walk around with some fuck me boots.

Gonna have me a good vacation, mmm-mmm-mmm.

A lot of pussy.

Rick, what the hell are you doing here?

She kicked me out.

Shit, now it's a party.

Fucking right, come on,

help me get some of this shit out the truck!

Come on, hurry up.

Come here.

Come on boy, come on.

What in the hell are you...

Fuck, come on!

Look, you can't just put your stuff in here.

This is my shed!

That's funny 'cause Lou told me

I'd get half this fucker.

And who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

I'm the owner of this shed!

Oh you must be pretty proud and shit,

you know, 'cause you own a shed.

Your kind is not welcome here.

Pfff.

Stop that!

Look, right now!

Just, why don't you take your Appalachian ass

out of here, and get,

oh god!

What did you say?

This is highly inappropriate.

This is a shared shed!

You asshole!

Why don't you just,

oh goddammit!

Look, just, I would very much appreciate it

if you just kept some of your shit

on that side of the shed!

Fine!

Rick, get in here!

This asshole's annoying me.

Excuse me.

Pfff.

Hey, get up something.

Help out, go hurry up,

pick that shit up.

You move it, I ain't moving it.

Hey.

You like Richard Petty, man?

I have no idea who Richard Petty is.

Pff.

He's like,

- Jesus. - Like Jesus and shit, man.

Don't think that this'll be the last time

you see me.

I've dealt with your kind before, okay?

And don't think that I won't call the POA on both of you!

Whatever, you dink.

Pff, that guy.

He'll be an issue probably, I reckon.

What's the POS?

I ain't eating that shit.

Eat your damn sammich.

I don't know Renee, he's right.

It's our first night on staycation, girl.

We should go have ourselves a fancy supper.

All right, well.

If we're going to a fancy eatery,

that means we need to dress to kill.

And Archie, that means you're wearing deodorant.

The hell I am.

You know that'll mess up my natural pheromones,

keep you all hot and bothered.

Yeah, the neighbors have already complained

about the smell.

You're wearing deodorant.

We'll see about that.

No!

Jesus Christ, Rick!

Sorry, Dale.

I've been so lonely.

Daggone, man.

Excuse me?

There are six of us.

Follow me.

Good evening.

I am Alberto.

I will be your server for tonight.

Alberto.

Shouldn't you be in the back washing dishes?

I am Italiano.

And even if I were Hispanic,

that stereotype is both offensive

- and inaccurate. - Whatever!

Just get me a fried baloney sammich.

Yeah, I'll take some eggs and spam, runny.

And bring me some grits like that fella over there

but don't put any fucking shrimp in it.

That's just fucking gross.

And I'll take a ham and cheese hot pocket.

Oh come on now Ma, this is a fancy restaurant.

You're right.

I'll take a Mesquite barbecue chicken Hot Pocket.

Right.

We have none of those things.

We'll take sketti.

Yeah.

Sketti.

Sketti, sketti, sketti, sketti.

And what will that gentleman be having?

Shit, I don't know.

Give him sketti too.

Whatever, fuck man.

Where the fuck is Rick?

Probably rubbing one out.

Hey Paco, I'll take a PBR!

Great merciful holy moly!

The toilet!

It knows!

These is magic toilets!

Out, spirit!

Who's in there?

That one ain't gonna do.

And then money for nothing?

And with checks for,

are you the keeper of this here enchanted craphole?

Yes.

And give me that money and get out of here!

I'm sorry, Doctor, I thought it was...

Get out!

Fine.

I don't want no part of your brave new world,

with your mechanical monsters watching me take a shit!

I just poop in the hole like a normal person!

Flutter.

Hurricane Dale.

This place sucks.

Roadkill's better.

No shit.

And which one of you classy individuals

will be picking up the bill tonight?

Dine and dash?

I'm just kidding, Jose.

Credit card roulette.

Ooh yeah!

Credit card roulette!

You coming, get in there.

Credit card roulette.

Pick a card, any card.

Yeah.

Come on Rick, get your ass in here.

Well, Dale, I ain't got no plastic.

Jesus, man, you're 40.

Little man, we know you got one, pull it out.

Where did you get that?

From your momma!

Yeah!

- Oh yeah. - Yeah.

Suck it, Arch!

Shit.

Mildred!

Have you seen my Mildred?

Huh?

Mildred, my hot wife.

I think she's out here.

Yeah she's hot?

What's she look like?

The finest piece of ass you've ever seen.

All right, shit, let's go find her, man.

- Shit. - I know she's out here

- somewhere. - Hey, Grampa!

Oh.

You.

Yeah me.

What the hell are you doing in my shed?!

Shit man, get used to it, Jeeves.

This shit's ours the next two weeks, pal.

I'm not your pal, you putz.

I'm not you putz, you dink.

I'm not your dink, you indigent!

I'm not your indigent, you

I'm not your , oh goddamit!

Lipman!

Get my father out of the rain barrell!

Yes, sir.

Come on Grampa.

Ooh!

Get off me, Mildred!

Ah, come on.

People are fucking weird.

Yup.

Dang, Dale.

What can't you do?

Well, I can't fart and sneeze at the same time

'cause it hurts my asshole.

That's about it.

Yup.

Nothing's going my way, bud.

Got no wife, got no job, got no house.

Got no kids.

Got no dog.

Got no fish!

Shit, Rick.

No one's gonna clean up your shit for you.

You gotta clean up your own shit.

And put a fucking split shot on already!

Hey, hey!

Hey, I got one.

Hey!

Look at that!

Thanks, Dale.

Shit, Rick, this ain't Steel Magnolias.

I ain't fucking Julia Roberts.

Hmm?

Oh, this should be good.

Fucking richies.

Easy, easy.

You'll get your money.

Braxton?!

What's with all the racket?

Your mom and I are trying to watch Fox News!

Nothing, Dad.

Everything's fine.

It doesn't sound like nothing.

Hey!

You've been gambling again, haven't you?

I learned it from you, Dad.

I learned it from watching you!

Shut your mouth!

I have it under control!

Oh, apparently not!

Then help me out.

Please, just one more time.

I can't, all right?

What you doin', Dale?

Shut the fuck up, Rick!

Get down here, man, they're gonna see you.

I ain't getting in that bush.

Why the fuck not, man?

Come on.

Well I reckon that's where all

of them ticks come from.

What ticks, man?

Well, the ones on your face, Dale.

I got ticks on my face?

Yeah.

A lot.

I got ticks on my face!

Oh shit, man, go get the pliers man, get the pliers!

Oh fuck.

God!

Gynecomastia, or what is commonly known

as man boobs, is a growing problem in America.

I mean look at this fat fucker.

Pff, don't listen to him, boys.

Fuckin sellout.

Come on down to the Moist Grille

and try our Hillbilly Chicken Wang Challenge!

Ching Chang Chong, go eat through all the wangs,

get yourself some free grub.

Dat'z wazzup!

Yeehoo!

Do you like to have fun?

Yeah.

Do you like good food?

Yeah, why not?

Do you like cash prizes?

Fucking right!

Well then, come on down

to the 10th annual Figure Eight Island

Chili Cook Off!

It'll be the most fun you can have with a spoon.

Don't believe me?

Just ask Aaron Richmond,

star of the hit cooking channel show, Man Versus Meat.

I'm Aaron Richmond,

and I wanna put what you got in my mouth.

So come on down to the 10th annual

Figure Eight Island Chili Cook Off.

For the small entry fee of 250 dollars

you can enter your chili recipe

for a chance to win the grand prize of $50,000.

Rick!

Rick!

Hey, shit man, put your shit away, dude.

The hell's the matter with you, man?

Come on, you know I'm lonely.

God's sake, so you're beating off

to the damn Williams sisters!

I just like the noises they make

when they hit that ball.

God and they got legs like Clydesdales!

Man, you fucked.

Hey listen, I just saw a commercial on TV,

50 Gs for whoever wins this chili cookoff thing.

We could win back the trailer park, man!

What the hell do we know about cooking chili?

Shit if I know.

But remember Pablo, that Mexican guy from the trailer park?

No.

You remember?

Like he had a weird ear and shit?

Oh Pablo, the weird ear guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah dude, he used to steal my electricity one day.

I saw him, he was cooking chili.

Fuck man, he showed me some shit, it's easy.

Listen, we're going shopping.

We're gonna win this shit.

I don't know, Dale.

Hey.

Get you a new catch rag.

Yeah?

Yeah.

All right, let's go.

Oh well, hey.

We'll wait till your boner

- goes down. - Oh yeah.

All right.

Yeah, we better wait.

Goddamit, Junior, you made me fucking blink.

Come on, Rick.

Hey Pa.

Pff.

All right, grab some of them beans over there, man.

I like those pinto beans.

They make me feel poor like beaner.

Man, this shit's expensive, man.

I reckon we can't buy too much of this shit.

Hey, this here'll make you feel rich.

Oh, shit, Two Buck Chuck?

That'll make a man feel rich.

You know, any wine will make a man feel rich.

Hell yeah it will.

Grab a bunch of that shit.

Look at these stupid ass nut thins and shit.

Fuck all that shit.

- Ow, shit! - Oh!

Oh, hey there, cutie pie.

I'm so sorry about that.

Hey, that's all right.

Hey, aren't you the chili princess from the television?

Yeah, well I prefer to be called Tori.

Oh yes you do, okay, all right.

Daggone, well I'm Dale Archdale.

A bit of a chili sensei, if I might add.

Oh right on, Dale Archdale.

Yeah.

Hey, is that a pink Member's Only jacket?

Yeah, why the hell wouldn't it be?

Well all right.

All right, well I guess I'll be

seeing you soon, Dale Archdale.

Yes you will, chili princess.

Sweet, sweet chili princess.

Damn, bitch would cause divorces.

Oh, oh my god!

What, you ain't ever seen a kid

squirt shit into his mouth before?

Pff!

Dumb bitch.

What's up?

Hey, grab some salsa, all right?

I like when it's warm and store bought and shit, all right,

but I don't want it going in the fridge

'cause once it's cold it tastes like shit.

All right.

Hi, Mr. Fauxman.

Hi.

Yeah, evening, Fauxman.

Hi.

Mr. Fauxman.

Is there anything I can do

to accommodate you today?

Nope, no, we're fine.

My wife and I are going to enjoy a bonding evening

so no we're good, thanks.

Well, just let us know

if you need anything at all, okay?

No, we're fine.

Okay.

Whatever, give me this shit!

Excuse me, ugh.

It's you.

Fucking right it's me, richie.

Hey, hey.

Is there a problem here, Mr. Fauxman?

Yes.

This fongool has taken my sauce.

I ain't giving it back 'cause I'm using this shit

for my own chili.

Hah!

Are you kidding me?

Yup.

So you've decided to make this your home?

I gotta tell you, hillbilly.

This chili cookoff isn't for townies.

Besides, we win every year.

Well, I just got done smoking all my resin

so I reckon I'll be smoking you next.

Please.

You can't even afford the entry fee.

Dale Archdale!

Hurry your ass up, you hear?

Shut up, bitch!

God!

Dale Archdale?

What the hell kind of name is that, sir?

I don't know, it's better than Fauxman.

I mean your name is Fucks Men.

Later!

Dick.

I got an idea.

What?

We're gonna have a party and charge people.

No one's gonna pay to party with us, Dale.

Shit, yeah they will.

They will!

Ooh yes.

They will.

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Man, Dale, I can't believe you got them all to show up.

You know, who'd thought that telling a bunch

of hilljacks that Kenny G is playing for 10 bucks a head

would get them to come out like this, huh?

Hey, how are?

Did you see?

Pretty girl.

I love Kenny G.

I hope he plays Auld Lang Syne.

Uh huh, me too.

You know, I heard you are only supposed to take

two and a half hours worth of energy at a time.

Uh huh, mhmm.

Two and a half hours.

Look man, this is a great party.

You know what, I bet some chips and salsa

would be really nice, don't you think?

I'ma get some.

Sounds good, I'll see you later.

Yeah!

Oh, it's a party!

No way I know you.

- Hey, Brittany, Brandy! - Hi, Dale.

Yeah.

Mmm, you two, who's getting naked first, huh?

Get on my water bed later.

Hey, Dale!

Hey, Serge!

Come on in, you're all right.

How much we'll see this time around, eh?

Sergeant Dale!

Captain, General, Lieutenant, soldier.

Hey Dale, I must be late.

Somebody already bust their nuts all over you?

Go away, Ronnie.

Go away, get outta here, Ronnie!

Yo, yo, yo, what up Dale?

Yeah yeah.

Up in here,

- yeah yeah! - Yeah, let me holla at you.

It's getting worse and worse.

Where's the chicks at?

What the hell are you supposed to be?

I'm a member of the Bambino family.

Let me get this straight.

You're in a costume mocking a mob boss

for a family that's still around here?

Trade me costumes?

No.

How are you doing?

Well.

This morning I had to fight

a little Filipino woman.

She came up to me and said

she was gonna have a double kidney transplant

on the 15th of next month

and she wanted the day off.

Well I said no.

That's the day of my big party.

I need you there.

Well she insisted and insisted.

So finally I looked her in the eye

and I said Pekpek, you cunt, you cunt!

And then she slapped me.

I couldn't tell if he had any black in him or not!

So I just didn't tip him!

Dammit!

Goddammit!

Yeah!

Woohoo!

Just what the hell do you think you're doing here?!

Grrr!

You got a permit?

'Cause I'll call the sheriff.

He's here with me somewhere.

The hell are you doing at my party?

I reckon he's trespassing, Dale.

I am not!

You don't even have a costume on.

The fuck are you supposed to be?

I am a Republican!

God, this guy's pathetic!

Fine, go.

Have a drink.

No, thank you.

Take it.

Yeah, drink up!

Shit, man, this salsa cold.

Shit done damn near been in the fucking fridge.

What?

Ain't nobody got time for no cold ass salsa.

Shit needs to be lukewarm!

That's what's up.

Damn!

There's a lot of fly honeys up in here tonight!

Mmm, a lot of fly hunkies too.

Let's go wildcats!

Well well well.

Well hey there pretty little sweet thing.

Hello.

Look at this pretty little piece

of hairpie baked up in front of me.

It's Abigail, Fauxman's daughter.

God.

You're hot.

Come on.

Don't tell me you're afraid of a little gun shooting.

Well, I've never seen a gun before.

Come with me.

Mmm!

Oh!

That is some good shit.

You chug like my grandmother!

Drink, drink, little maggot!

Right!

Ew.

Who took all the watermelon ones?

Fuck you, you white son of a bitch!

I love lollipops!

When the fuck is Kenny G coming out, yo?

Man my brother Facebook said David Foster

was playing this shit.

That's some false advertising, yo.

You bet I'm gonna report this shit

to the Better Business Bureau, motherfucker.

Report that shit, dawg!

I'd sure like a delicious lollipop.

Pussy.

Oh, hey there.

What you doing?

Oh.

How many licks is it gonna take

till you taste the rainbow?

I didn't know.

It's all right, don't be shy.

We got a bottle of wine to lose our inhibitions.

I quit drinking.

Oh, come on, sunshine.

I'm looking for Braxton.

I have no idea what you just said.

You sound like a Bassett Hound.

Huh?

I can't understand you either.

He said what do you want, you wop?

Hey, take it easy,

- fag. - Yeah!

Hey, yo!

- Bye, Felicia. - Oh, what the fuck?!

You the boss?

Fucking no-neck crew.

Chew.

Gimme that, man.

Smoke that.

Looking for somebody, huh?

I'm looking for Braxton.

Mr. Bambino would like to have a few words with him.

Does this look like a party

where there's a Braxton?

I mean come on.

Do we look like we're fucking serving

caviar over here, bro?

All right, I mean maybe Cletus.

We got Cletus over there.

Hey let's chug.

Let's do it.

All right, ready go.

Cheers.

Come on.

He's not here.

Hey wait.

What do you guys do with the horse's body

after you guys dispose of the head?

Here.

They're gone now there, Warren Buffett.

Thank god.

Cookies, cookies.

Hi, Stanley.

God, Ma!

Leave me alone.

Oh wassup, my niggas!?

Did I just see a gang of Levar Burtons?

Looks like Reading Rainbow just got gangster.

Oh hey there, chili queen of the Nile.

I knew you couldn't resist.

Oh I'm actually looking for Mr. Fauxman.

I came to drop off his registration form

for the Chili Cook Off.

Better give me one of those too, huh?

What time am I coming over tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

I figured you wanna cook me some grub

but you was too shy to ask.

All right, hotshot.

All right, here's my address.

Be there at eight?

Yeah I'll be there at eight.

If you're lucky I'll bring my nipple blaster.

Oh my gosh.

It's got these three speeds.

Scream.

What the shit?

Oh my goodness.

Not again, Ginger!

Get your coat.

Sweet Robin Leach, it's you!

Hi, Daddy.

All of you, get out!

Get outta here!

Rick?

But, we're just talking.

I got this little thing in my trunk,

it's a blow up mattress.

I could bring it over, maybe.

You're going down, Archdale.

What a joke.

Yeah.

Oh, I gotta make a few more stops.

But I'll see you tomorrow?

Right on.

I got a date.

Hello, baby fork.

Oh, shit, you are hungry.

Fucking right.

I'll go get some more.

You make yourself at home, okay?

- All right. - Okay.

Goddamn, that ass.

Yo, yo, yo, yo!

You must be Dale.

Raise the roof, D.

Yeah, raise the roof?

Right, raise the roof.

The roof,

- the roof, - Oh yeah.

- The roof is on fire. - Oh yeah.

Uh, no, don't drink wine.

Wine is wiggity wiggity whack!

Here's some warming jelly

in case you kids wanna get jiggy with it tonight.

Oh, yeah Frank,

- getting jiggy with it, huh? - Remember those days.

Oh yeah, na na na. ♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

Shake it. ♪ Na na na na na na ♪

Shake it baby. ♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na ♪

Your parents definitely get it, they're funny.

Yeah, funny.

They're funny as shit.

Thanks.

Doggone, you're looking good in that, honey,

little piece of hairpie.

Thank you.

Why don't you tell me a little about yourself, huh?

Well there's not much to tell.

I'm just a small town girl.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm living

in this lonely world.

Do you ever just wanna,

Kind of go on a permanent vacation?

Yeah.

It's what I do.

I live where they made Dawson's Creek.

I'm always on vacation.

- What the? - Oh shit.

Oh boy.

Dinner was almost ready.

Shit.

Why don't you put on your Sunday's best,

let's go out to eat, huh?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Well where do you wanna go?

Olive park.

Shit, I love Olive Park.

- Let's go to Olive Park. - Yeah?

Get some fucking bread sticks?

Yup.

What's up?

Well don't you two look nice.

Shit yeah, I mean it is the Olive Park.

Yeah but you don't have to dress up

to come here anymore.

What?

Shit.

Hey, Pico!

I knew you recognize me.

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's you.

Yeah it's me.

You guys got any mild sauce today and shit

to put on those enchiladas?

Mmm, I'm going on my break now.

Look at you, sleepy.

I think we request Pico.

Ooh wee!

Yeah, Crystal, what's up, girl?

Hey, Dale!

Yeah, mmm.

Gotta love the Olive Park, you know.

Yeah, all right.

Ginger, I can't find the chili powder!

It's in the cabinet, dear.

Above the stove.

It's not in the cabinet.

All right, I'm going to the store.

Okay.

Take Handsome with you.

Fine, dear.

Come here, Handsome.

Yes, you're so sweet, come on.

So what's up with your parents?

Well, they adopted a baby from Africa.

I don't know, they try to act ethnic

because they think it'll make them cool parents.

You know, I don't know.

I think that they just want for Keyshawn

to get older and kind of be amongst his own people.

You know, his own tribe, tribal community thing

so you know, I don't know.

They've always just been into that whole

fricking sub-culture.

We've actually been working on

learning their language together.

That means hello in where he's from.

Oh my god, I'm scaring you off, aren't I?

No, shit makes sense.

I love fucked up broads like you.

Hey, Waco.

I take it you'll be playing credit card roulette again?

I take it you're very good at sleeping?

Charming.

Pff.

Fuck you.

I had a really great time tonight.

Me too.

Mind if I finger bang you with my mouth?

Yeah.

Okay.

Fucking right.

Stop!

Hammertime!

♪ Whoah ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

Oh, Frankie, honey.

Are you okay?

Ah, it's that old pop-locking injury again.

Come on, come on.

Mom, Dad, you're embarrassing me!

Jesus!

God!

Oh well all right.

You're here.

Great, why?

You don't work here anymore.

Huh, why?

Well as a member of the Chili Cook Off team,

it's imperative that you remain impartial.

After what you did last night with a contestant,

it makes it impossible for you

to carry out those duties.

So supple.

I tell you what.

I think there's other arrangements that could be made.

Oh my god.

Nice ass.

If we weren't married.

Right, right.

If we weren't married, of course.

I'm paying you.

Get back to work!

Yes, sir.

This is how I'll stare at them the whole night.

I swear to god, for like seven hours, bro,

I was like.

What?

Do you have snot coming out of your mouth too?

Fuck.

Hey babe, what's up?

Fauxman saw us kiss.

He got me fired.

Ah, shit, you all right babe?

Come here.

I'm sorry, Dale.

My mama warned me about this.

She told me I was living in a gangster's paradise.

She told me not to go chasing waterfalls.

Why the hell is this my fault?

I didn't do anything.

You were too legit, Dale.

Too legit to quit.

What does that mean?

You can't touch this.

Come on, baby!

Could be!

We ain't doing the chili?

No!

Shit!

What you gonna do now, Dale?

Her heart has turned to ice, ice, baby.

Well I ain't going after her.

I'm out of shape.

Shit, I don't know.

I guess I'll get her her job back, huh?

Figure that out.

Get her her job back?

How in the name of a whispering stream

cutting through a mountain range

under a deep blue sky near a happy little tree

of a Bob Ross painting

are you gonna do that?

Richmond!

Mr. Richmond!

Oh, oh.

I want what I have in your mouth.

In your mouth.

Here.

Sign these.

Richmond!

Oh, I wanna hit that.

Richmond!

You gotta get Tori her job back.

I have no idea who you're talking about.

Nor do I care.

She's a hot little piece of ass

that works here, I don't know.

Lipman got her fired and she didn't do shit.

Sorry buddy, not my problem.

Shit, you couldn't get her job back if you wanted to.

You're a little bitch boy of Lipman.

Hey.

What?

Of course I can get her job back.

I'm Aaron fucking Richmond!

Problem is, not only do I have no desire

of helping that fine piece of ass Tori.

I think I might tap that.

You just said two seconds ago

you didn't know who she was.

Now you know her?

Oh, but don't I?

I always do, bitch.

Shit, all right I got an idea.

What's up?

You're a little firecracker, you know?

All right look it, there's a Chicken Wang eating challenge

at the Moist grill.

If I win, you get Tori her job back.

Unless you're too scared.

Aaron Richmond fears no food.

Unless it's footlong hotdogs.

They make me uncomfortable.

What do I make out of it?

Is that your truck?

Yeah.

Tell you what.

You beat me, I get Tori her job back.

But if I win, I get your truck and your girl.

All right man, you got a deal.

Okay, fellas.

The Hillbilly Chicken Wang Challenge.

The first one to eat and complete wins.

Everyone understand?

Three, two, one.

Dominate your chicken wing!

Is it fun being like a reality show star

instead of like a real actor?

White people.

Hey, Aaron, look at these!

Woo!

Dale, your last bite!

Winner!

I put all of you in the poor house.

And why not?

I'm Fauxman!

Tori's back in.

What?

Richman let Tori back in.

Well, we've gotta put a stop to this.

Archdale can't win.

We can't.

Richman's our biggest draw.

If we lose him, the Chili Cook Off won't go.

We've got to do something about this!

And fast!

The Chili Cook Off is tomorrow!

I have an idea.

I do like your ideas.

Do you, really?

Yes indeed.

Yes indeed?

Yes indeed, yes indeed, yes indeed, yes indeed.

Why you fucker!

Dick.

Chili princess returns.

I knew you couldn't resist.

Fuck Fauxman, you guys.

Yeah?

Yeah, let's get 'em.

How'd you find out?

Rick called me.

Rick?

Dale, a girl like this is more than just

an awesome high and perky rack

and an ass that won't quit.

I know, that ass won't quit.

It's special.

You feel it here.

Yeah.

- I feel it too. - Not just down here.

Well a lot down there.

But here.

And I know that I'll find somebody.

I'll find somebody.

You will, Rick.

But you found yours.

This is yours!

I know, she hot.

Come here, Rick, I love you, come here, Rick.

I was like, fuck you, stoplight,

I pay taxes on my unemployment.

Fuck that shit, dude.

- All right. - Fuck.

Oh, no.

It's bad, I'm sorry.

Fuck man, that shit taste like shit, Rick.

That's bad, dude.

Come on man.

I'm sorry.

Mind if I grab that ass?

No.

God damn.

I've been working out.

Dale.

You are something else.

All right, all right.

Now try.

Holy shit!

That's it.

That's great!

- Yes! - That's it!

Fuck yes!

I love it Rick!

I love it!

Yes!

This is the chili that will win the contest.

Sorry, we have to take your chili for inspection.

The shit?

Yeah.

According to like, bylaw two or something,

any contestant operating with a former member

of the chili contest, we gotta inspect the chili, yeah.

Hey, forget about it.

It'll be waiting for you back at the contest, yeah.

The shit, man?

This ain't good.

All right, listen, Rick, stick with the chili, man.

I don't trust these rich fucks.

Tori, let's go get drunk.

The rest of you shits I don't give a shit about.

Let's go, baby.

Hey, can you tell me if these are ripe?

They feel ripe to me.

Oh, look at those titties!

My clock says it's time to fuck!

Hey look at you sexy little thing.

Aren't you sweet.

Come on.

Mr. Bambino grows tired of waiting.

He wants his 50 grand today!

Our family's recipe wins every year.

You'll have the money by the end of the day, I swear.

I better.

Mr. Bambino grows impatient.

Yeah!

Welcome to the 10th annual Chili Cook Off.

I'm Aaron Richmond

and I'm gonna put what these guys got in my mouth.

Are you ready?

Contestants, you ready?

Let's grub.

All right.

Let's see what we got here.

♪ Star on a two man ♪

♪ Kinda like I be Spock ♪

♪ We walk by ♪

♪ Girls whistle like a teapot ♪

♪ Slingshot slinging rocks like a boulder ♪

♪ Chilling with my crew sipping rum and cherry cola ♪

♪ Living like a molar ♪

♪ As I'm sipping out the flask ♪

♪ Business in the front but we party in the back ♪

♪ Smoking from my stash ♪

♪ Hit it from the weed pipe ♪

♪ So damn high I can't motherfuckin see right ♪

♪ Dale Archdale on a mission with his crew ♪

♪ We the fucking shit ♪

♪ It like everything we do ♪

♪ Sipping on a 40 while the girls dropping low ♪

♪ Sipping on some free shots like a free throw ♪

♪ On my lyrical period yeah ♪

♪ My flow is heavy and I get so many cream pies ♪

♪ They call me Little Debbie, what ♪

♪ Who's that dude that got the game on lock, man ♪

♪ Archdale, Archdale ♪

♪ Motherfucking Archdale ♪

♪ Who's that dude that run the trailer park, man ♪

♪ Archdale ♪

Cincinnati chili?

This is the fucking south!

Take that shit back up north, you fucking yankee.

♪ Who's that dude that just throw the last joint ♪

♪ Archdale, Archdale ♪

♪ Motherfucking Archdale ♪

♪ You ground for the shine ♪

♪ So the shiner take flight ♪

♪ A lot of fine ladies in the ice made nights ♪

♪ Look like the daytime ♪

♪ Say I ain't fly ♪

♪ You gotta be smoking ♪

♪ And you had a few of them sane eyes ♪

♪ West coast, fresh coast ♪

♪ Sitting on some lowlows ♪

♪ All up on my high horse but I ain't rocking Polo ♪

♪ Yolo, I really agree ♪

♪ See me in that button down ♪

♪ With your girl going down on that yoyo ♪

♪ Ish I'm the ish ♪

♪ But I don't like to ♪

♪ I prefer the one spot like Lebron do ♪

♪ Just rock up in my name ♪

♪ You're dealing with the flame ♪

♪ Nigger Irving swerving ♪

♪ Knocking shots back ♪

♪ Hey make a A, lady ♪

♪ You wanna deal with the ragalator ♪

♪ The young fly boy ♪

♪ A real levitator ♪

♪ I'm kicking ass like Dale Archdale ♪

♪ Y'all the past, we the future ♪

♪ Turning the lights to see the winners ♪

♪ Who's that dude that got the game on lock, man ♪

♪ Archdale, Archdale ♪

♪ Motherfucking Archdale ♪

♪ Who's that dude that run the trailer park, man ♪

♪ Archdale, Archdale ♪

♪ Motherfucking Archdale ♪

♪ Who's that dude that got the chicks on point ♪

♪ Archdale, Archdale ♪

♪ Motherfucking Archdale ♪

♪ Who's that dude that just throw the last joint ♪

♪ Archdale, Archdale ♪

♪ Motherfucking Archdale ♪

Yeah!

I'm smoking blunts with two of my main motherfuckers.

- Archdale. - Dale Archdale

and motherfucking Ron Jeremy.

Very impressive.

Very fucking tasty, Archdale.

That shit better be good.

I didn't take off the Tire Depot for nothing.

Mr. Fauxman.

Definitely a no.

Definitely a no.

Literally, oh shit.

Shit, I gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait, who won?

Archdale.

Hey, all right!

Yee!

Oh!

Pfff.

Oh yeah.

All right, ooh.

Yeah.

I could get used to this shit, huh?

Eat it!

I knew that dickhead was anorexic.

I don't know what you pulled here

but you're finished!

No one takes my winnings!

My winnings, bitch.

Take your ass back past go, pennybags.

He didn't win.

No, no, the fat guy won.

All of them?

Consider it done.

Dude, you have a sperm on your neck.

Holy shit!

Yeah!

All right!

Yeah!

Where's that check!?

Come here, mama.

Let me get that check.

No, no, no I can do it, hey.

- Let me get the damn check - No, no, no you don't know

- how banks work! - Rick!

You don't know how to do that.

I know how banks work.

I wanna cash it.

Dude, if you break it,

you won't be able to cash it at all.

You gotta be careful with that thing.

I'm fucking cashing the damn check, Rick.

I know what I'm doing.

Psst, Dale.

Fuck you, talking bush.

Dale, over here.

What the hell?

The hell are you doing down there?

You richies.

I need your help, man.

I owe the Bambino family a lot of money.

The hell do I care?

Man, help me out, my dad cut me off.

How much?

50 grand.

If I don't pay them tonight,

they're gonna kill me and my family.

Maybe yours too.

Oh that's pretty convenient, I just won 50 grand,

now you're gonna take it from me?

You're the one with the Pauly D money!

They'll kill you man, they're Italian.

That's what they do in the mafia.

They know you're our neighbors,

they saw you win that money today.

You're in just as much trouble as we are.

Shit.

You get me involved.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah?

Hey, gather everybody up.

Some heavy shit's going down.

Who is this?

What are you talking about?

Dale?

Dale, is this you?

Dale, we have to do things like father and son.

I'm reading this book, it's really quite interesting.

You know, we should go fishing,

go to play baseball, go bowling.

We have to build up a relationship, you know, father-son.

Put Stanley on the phone.

Fine!

What up man?

Get all your weaponry.

It's time to go to work.

Yeah I got you.

♪ Get a glimpse of heaven right here on earth ♪

♪ The material things I know ♪

Man let's do this shit!

Yeah.

♪ But I can't take it with me when I'm back to the dirt ♪

♪ 'cause I come from the earth ♪

♪ I'm more concerned with word ♪

♪ Like the mighty mighty man ♪

♪ With the mighty mighty plan ♪

♪ Not the ice on my hand ♪

Hey.

You coming?

No, no.

I'm turning over a new leaf.

I have a son now.

I have to lead by example,

prove that I'm really a good father,

it's very important to me.

And besides, no weaponry for me.

No, no weaponry.

Ooh, check please.

Just that weaponry.

Nothing wrong with that.

Oh, easy on the nipple, they're chafing.

You sure screwed the pooch on this one!

He had sex with a dog?

Shut up, Rick!

I can't believe you got us messed up in this.

I can't believe that you got the inbreds involved too!

Why couldn't you just pay them?

You know all of my moneys are tied up in that sale!

Greece is screwing my portfolio.

My Dow is effing my Nasdaq.

Why don't you relax, all right?

Look, we ain't scared of no fucking fight.

We ain't a bunch of bitches.

Hell yeah!

Yeah!

Shut up, Dad!

Go home.

God.

Yeah, what's your plan?

Shit, we got backup coming.

Yeah, who?

♪ You know that talk is cheap ♪

♪ Against the blood uprising ♪

♪ Gonna give them a chance ♪

♪ Before the fists start flying ♪

♪ This ain't nobody gonna stop this whinin ♪

♪ The somebody better hit somebody ♪

This is proper battle attire, yes?

We're fucked.

No shit, Fauxman.

Now look at the bind we're in.

You could have paid them off.

It would take 24 hours to put together a deal like that!

It's for your own son.

Now we're all involved!

I just can't stand

all this waiting around!

I wish they'd just show up already

so we can get all this damn crap finished with!

I don't know about y'all.

But I can't wait to blow them.

Oh god, they're in the house.

Who cares?

This place is locked down tighter than Fort fucking Knox!

The hell have you been?

Toilet was broke so I go out back to make peepee.

Did you forget to lock the damn door

when you came back in, you fucking commie?

All right, nobody panic.

Uh, now you can panic.

Grr!

Stop it!

Go away, big mean bully.

biatch!

Thanks, baby.

I'll always love you, honey bee.

Oh, come here, honey,

let's pollinate that flower.

What the?

Shit, oh!

You better have an army

if you're gonna come in here with me!

Oh I got backup.

Kumbaya, motherfucker!

Looks like we're having smores tonight.

Yup.

I still hate magicians.

Where's my money?

I don't have it.

Where the fuck did you find a beer kit?

Wouldn't you like to know.

Goddamn, I love that broad.

Sorry, kid.

Whoah whoah, whoah whoah whoah.

Listen here, pizza bagels, I got an idea.

50k, we got it.

We give it to you, will you leave them alone?

Yeah, of course.

All right.

Hey,

Let's go.

Hey, wait a minute.

Now that you got my money,

you gonna leave them alone for good?

All right, cool.

Shitties.

Thank you, Dale.

Shit, you'd done the same for me.

No.

No, I wouldn't, but

feel free to use my shed anytime you want.

Good.

I got boogie boards coming tomorrow.

It's nice.

But, how are we gonna pay off that trailer park now?

Trailer park?

Yup.

I was gonna use that prize money

to win back our trailer park.

Do you mean that trailer park,

that piece of crap that's down off of Vine street?

Yeah, if by piece of crap you mean fucking gem.

You know, I work for the company

that owns that property.

Let me put in a few calls, huh?

We'll see if we can work something out.

Fucking A, all right, man.

All right, cool.

Man.

The guy's still a piece of,

you know, kind of like a piece of shit.

But you know what, you don't see a guy

that can really wear an ascot anymore.

Nah, that's kind of cool and respectable.

Get out of here.

Kinda smells like Myrtle's cooking.

I miss that woman.

She your wife?

My fourth wife, actually.

She ran off with a Mexican.

I never ate a taco again.

You ever been married?

Yep.

It's bogus.

Here you go.

Are you kidding me?

Them things burned as shit.

Get them out of my face.

That's the way I like 'em.

I like my marshmallows like I like my women.

Hot and black.

Go grab another rack, Archdale.

Get your hand off my damn grill.

I bought you the damn grill.

Hey, Mr. Fauxman.

Thank you so much for selling me land deed.

And not closing us down.

No problem.

If you ever need car stereo

or some beautiful Persian pussy,

you let me know.

Thanks Serge.

Thanks, I'll keep it in mind.

He's a wild man.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What the hell did I say?

No hitting people in the nuts.

Yeah.

And don't whine when we don't get what we want.

Yeah, just be cooler, okay?

All right.

Get the hell out of here.

And don't be drinking out of my yard cans.

That shit's for me.

God, that makes me so horny.

Whoah, whoah, whoah baby, relax now.

Remember, snap your little rubber band thingy.

Okay, right.

That's right.

That's good baby, that's real good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Oh god, don't touch me.

It just makes me hornier.

Well let it go, baby, all right.

- Better? - Yeah.

Yeah.

We'll wait.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey Dale.

Hey.

Me and the old lady here is getting hitched.

Well hell yeah.

She used to be great in the sack.

All right!

Mmm, I remember that.

What's up?

Dale.

I'm a daddy!

I'm your daddy!

Your mama told me that I'm your pappy.

The tests prove it.

Shit man.

So you're my mama, huh?

I guess so.

Man, those are some nice tits, mommy, get some.

Ah, hey.

No shit.

So how'd you get the money for the test?

I sold my sperm.

How'd you get the test done?

With your DNA.

How'd you get my DNA?

Those beautiful lovely pubes you have.

Damn.

Shit, if you're my daddy, that means,

Roy's my grandpa?

Well fucking A, right!

Right on.

All right, later, Dad.

Whoah, don't go!

Wait, wait, hold on.

We can play catch together like father son.

Look, it says here on the parenting book

that we can go fishing together, boating, canoeing.

We can go camping and we could sing

Christmas songs together.

It's in the book.

Sing Christmas songs?

♪ We three kings of orient are ♪

♪ Bearing gifts we travel afar ♪

♪ Field and fountain moor and mountain ♪

♪ Following yonder star ♪

♪ Star ♪

♪ Following yonder star ♪

One more time.

♪ Following yonder star ♪

Just the men.

♪ Following yonder star ♪

Go ladies.

♪ Following yonder star ♪

The crew!

♪ Following yonder star ♪

Don't give up your day jobs, crew.

I love you Dad.

Well hey.

Hey you.

Mhmm.

Thought you'd be taking the midnight train somewhere.

No, I like it here.

It's right where I wanna be.

All right.

Come here, whip.

Walk with me, bitch.

Okay.

♪ He walked in the room ♪

♪ All heads turn around ♪

♪ A fire in his eyes ♪

♪ Footsteps hellbound ♪

♪ So lock up your liquor ♪

♪ And hide your wives ♪

♪ That man's too hot ♪

♪ Hear the neighbors cry ♪

♪ He's born a badass ♪

♪ And he'll die just the same ♪

♪ Take on the world ♪

♪ You'll remember the name ♪

♪ Dale Archdale ♪

♪ Some men work hard ♪

♪ Others live on luck ♪

♪ But this one's a hero ♪

♪ And he don't give a uh ♪

♪ Got a can of whoop ass ♪

♪ And he'll give it to you rough ♪

♪ Just be careful ladies ♪

♪ You might fall in love ♪

♪ 'cause he's a born badass ♪

♪ And he'll die just the same ♪

♪ Take on the world ♪

♪ You'll remember the name ♪

♪ Dale Archdale ♪

♪ Oh Dale Archdale ♪

♪ Oh Dale Archdale ♪

♪ Mmm yeah oh Dale ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org