Original subtitles

‐ For a billion dollars, Daddy,

would you sleep in a room for 12 hours

with a bunch of snakes?

‐ There's probably nothing that I wouldn't do

for a billion dollars.

‐ Snakes, though?

‐ Mama, I would make out with a snake

for a billion dollars.

‐ Well, hell, that's a Friday night for you.

‐ [laughs]

‐ Hello.

‐ Hey, dar‐‐ ‐ Hey.

‐ Nanny, your eyebrows.

‐ What the hell is wrong with your‐‐

[laughter]

‐ What?

‐ What has she done?

‐ This is the new trend.

‐ Nanny! ‐ It's called a power brow.

‐ A power brow?

Look at this.

I want you to look at this.

[laughter]

‐ Quit that.

‐ Please just tell me it's not permanent.

‐ It's a semi‐look.

‐ Well, Daddy, for a billion dollars,

would you do that permanently?

‐ Nah.

‐ [laughs]

[bright classical music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

‐ All right, Chloe, you want a snack?

‐ Yeah. ‐ What you want?

Apple and peanut butter or banana and peanut butter?

‐ Apple and peanut butter.

‐ Let me see what I can do.

‐ Why didn't you ask me to make it?

‐ 'Cause you never wash your hands.

‐ [laughs] ‐ Yes, I do.

‐ No, you don't.

Hey, Sass, is Nic coming over today?

‐ Why?

‐ My friend's having a roller‐skating party

and I need to learn how to roller‐skate.

‐ No way. What's the theme?

‐ The wild West.

‐ All right, you are going to be the cutest

cowgirl in the world.

I'll make sure you are dressed so cute.

‐ Well, I need Nic to teach me how to roller‐skate.

‐ Okay, well, Nic ice‐skates. He doesn't roller‐skate.

So I'll teach you how to roller‐skate.

‐ [snickers] All right.

‐ What?

‐ You do not know how to roller‐skate.

I know that for a fact.

‐ Yes, I do.

‐ Okay. She does not.

‐ I put it on those two, and you can dip the rest.

‐ Why can Nic not teach me?

‐ Well, remember, the engagement's off,

so Nic's not gonna be around for right now, so...

‐ Am I still gonna be a flower girl?

‐ Chloe, that‐‐ we're just not even...

talking about that right now.

You and I, we're gonna learn how to skate.

Right now, I'm still trying to heal from my break with Nic,

and asking him to teach Chloe how to skate right now

just is not in either of our best interest.

‐ Well, good luck explaining that to a seven‐year‐old.

‐ Chloe, you and me, we'll learn together.

We got this. Come on.

‐ We'll learn together. So she‐‐

Chloe, did you see how she went from she knows how

to y'all are gonna learn together?

‐ Chase, are you gonna join?

‐ Chloe, I would love to,

but I surprisingly have weak ankles.

‐ [laughs]

[upbeat classical music]

‐ You want to play a little blackjack?

‐ Yeah.

‐ You know, I been thinking about moving

where I can gamble every day and make me a living.

‐ That's a very good idea.

‐ Who wouldn't like to do that?

Why don't we just sell our places and move?

‐ Get to new territory.

We can be Thelma of the week.

‐ You mean "Thelma & Louise"?

‐ Yeah, I mean "Thelma & Louise."

‐ Okay. They had a lot of fun.

‐ Hey, hey. ‐ Old maids playing old maids.

‐ Oh, you're a winner again now, Frances.

‐ So what do y'all have planned for the week?

‐ Well, we're gonna go get a pedicure.

Then we may go to the casinos.

And then I'm gonna try to help her find her a boyfriend.

‐ I want me a man.

‐ [laughs]

‐ She wants a companion, Todd.

‐ I want to go on a date, just to see what it's like.

‐ [laughs] ‐ Let me tell you something.

Dating has changed a lot... ‐ Yeah.

‐ Since your time. ‐ Yes.

‐ They don't open doors anymore.

And they're expecting a lot out of you.

‐ Such as? ‐ Such as threesomes.

‐ Get the hell out of here!

‐ I'm just telling you what‐‐ ‐ [shouts]

Don't talk to her no more.

‐ I'm just saying. ‐ Don't talk to her.

‐ You might be turned out.

‐ No, you're not gonna be turned out!

‐ Oh, hush.

‐ Where are you hearing this?

‐ I read it up on the Internet.

‐ I'm turning the Internet off.

‐ Listen, you don't have to worry about me.

I'm not interested in dating. This is all for Frances.

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ And listen,

we got a little young sucker here.

We'll ask him to help us out. ‐ Okay.

‐ Don't get up in this.

‐ We're ride‐or‐die.

I'm always gonna help her.

‐ You're my sidekick.

‐ Well, listen, enjoy your lunch.

I'm having no part of this.

I'm calling your daughter when I get in the car.

I'm gonna tell on you.

And I'm going to tell on you

for being such a bad influence on her.

‐ Well, I don't know who you're gonna tell.

‐ Are you not afraid of anything?

‐ No. ‐ Why?

‐ 'Cause I'm a bad bitch.

‐ [laughs] I'm gone.

I'm out. They're your responsibility.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

‐ Do I look good?

‐ Yeah, you look great. You look cute.

I mean, that's all that matters.

Me, on the other hand, not so much.

‐ What do you want me to do with these?

‐ I mean, I'm just kind of making this up as I go.

So just bear with me.

Just kind of, you know, like a drill.

‐ Like this? ‐ Sure.

All right, Coco, you ready to do this?

‐ Yes. ‐ All right, let's go.

Chloe wanted Nic to teach her how to roller‐skate,

and, well, that's not gonna work,

so I'm giving her the next best thing...

me.

‐ What? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Savannah, I wouldn't call you the next best thing

to a professional hockey player.

I wouldn't even call you the next next next best thing.

‐ Rude.

All right, we're gonna use these cones as a course,

so you gotta, like, weave in and out of them, okay?

‐ Like this?

‐ Yeah, like that. That's perfect.

Way to go.

Ooh.

We'll both just hold on to Grayson.

‐ [shrieks] ‐ Grayson.

‐ Oh!

Ow. [yelling]

Savannah!

‐ Yeah, hold on.

‐ Savannah.

‐ What are y'all doing?

‐ I'm trying to teach her.

‐ How are you gonna teach her if you don't know how to do it?

‐ Can we please call Nic?

‐ What?

‐ This is not fun. I want Nic.

‐ Look, I got you. We're gonna be fine.

‐ No! [screams]

‐ Come on, let's try this again.

You grab ahold of me, and we'll do it together.

‐ What are you‐‐Savannah‐‐ ‐ You're a bad teacher.

‐ She's doing a good job.

‐ [yelps] ‐ Way to go!

[groans]

Grayson!

[both yelling]

‐ I hate this.

‐ I think your lesson's going great.

‐ It's going great.

‐ This lesson stinks.

‐ Well, you know what? I'm trying to help you.

So please stop being a brat.

I'm trying not to get frustrated,

but Chloe is being so difficult.

‐ Don't you wish you could just call Nic?

‐ No, Chase, I don't. That's now how this works.

‐ Why are you yelling at me, Savannah?

It's not my fault you don't know how to skate.

‐ Chloe, where are you going? Chloe, stop.

‐ This is a disaster.

‐ Yeah, this is a disaster.

[bright classical music]

‐ Look at all these people in here.

We gonna find you a man.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

‐ You ready, Frances?

‐ Ready as I'm gonna be.

‐ You'll be fine.

‐ So, Chase, how does this work?

‐ So speed dating is a numbers game.

So you're gonna sit down,

and you get five minutes with each person,

and after every five minutes,

the guy gets up and goes to another table,

and then a new guy comes in.

‐ Five minutes?

[bleep], Frances,

I can't even get my pants down in five minutes to go pee.

[laughter]

‐ I did some research and I found

this senior speed‐dating event.

And, I mean, Nanny, what do you think?

There's definitely some eligible bachelors

here for Frances.

‐ I believe she'll be able to find one out of that bunch.

‐ You think so?

‐ I sure do. A silver fox.

‐ [laughs]

Oh, look, he‐‐look, look.

‐ Now, that's a gentleman.

‐ Yeah. ‐ That's a gentleman.

Well, he ain't bad‐looking. He's got a mustache

and kind of clean‐‐ ‐ You like mustache?

‐ Hell no. I don't want him tickling me.

[laughter] [bell dings]

‐ What do you think of this guy?

‐ Yeah, he looks pretty good.

He might be a little too young for Frances, though.

‐ He's probably perfect for you, then, Nanny.

‐ We gotta know about his pocketbook first.

First question I'd ask him is, how much money do you have

in your bank account, and do we have a yacht?

And if they don't have the money to suit me,

then beat it.

‐ [snickers] [bell dings]

Oh, they're changing again. ‐ Damn, there's another change.

That's another date.

‐ Look at her. She seems to be enjoying it.

I mean, she's licking the lips.

That's gotta mean something good.

‐ She's got dry mouth.

‐ Oh.

‐ Oh, Lord. She's writing down something.

She got his phone number.

I think Frances is doing pretty good with her friends.

‐ Yeah, me too.

‐ Hello. ‐ Hey.

‐ How are you doing tonight?

‐ I'm blessed. How are you?

‐ I'm very well, thank you. My name is Randy.

‐ My name's Faye.

‐ Faye, it's a pleasure to meet you.

‐ Nice to meet you.

‐ I'm Chase. I'm her grandson.

‐ Randy. ‐ Nice to meet you.

‐ Good to meet you, Chase.

So are you gonna be participating

in the next round?

‐ Oh, no, I'm just here for moral support.

I'm a little bit too young for this.

‐ Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping you would be.

‐ Oh, well, thank you.

‐ Nanny, it looks like you got yourself an admirer.

‐ Well, I know this is for Frances,

but I'm tempted to get in the action myself

if he keeps up with all these compliments.

‐ Well, you go, girl.

‐ You look very nice this evening.

‐ Well, thank you. Do you have a yacht?

‐ I can get one.

‐ Oh, well, then me and you might talk.

‐ [laughs]

♪ ♪

[door clicks shut] ‐ Hey.

‐ Oh, please tell me you got something

good and sweet in those bags.

‐ What's wrong?

‐ A daddy never wants to walk in and see his daughter

with ice packs on her kneecaps.

‐ Oh, my gosh.

‐ What's wrong with your knees?

‐ Well, I tried to teach Chloe how to roller‐skate.

‐ Why would someone come to you about roller‐skating

when I was the Fred Astaire of roller‐skating?

‐ Is that supposed to mean anything to me?

‐ [laughs]

Well, by the looks of you, I'm thinking that

roller‐skating did not go well.

‐ No. It was a disaster on every level.

She wanted Nic to help her

because she said Nic knew how to roller‐skate

and all this stuff, but with everything

that's going on with Nic and I right now,

I can't be asking him for a favor.

‐ Listen, Chloe doesn't understand

all that's going on behind the scenes.

Chloe knows that Nic was around all the time,

that we're always talking about him skating,

but she doesn't get it.

She probably just misses having him around.

‐ Savannah, honey,

you can't take your relationship frustrations

out on Chloe. ‐ [sighs]

Mom and Dad are right.

I mean, I got so wrapped up in trying to teach

Chloe how to skate so that I could avoid

how I'm feeling right now.

Meanwhile, I didn't even take into consideration

how Chloe was feeling.

‐ Savannah, don't worry about it.

I rarely ever take into consideration

other people's feelings.

‐ So I pulled a Chase.

‐ What I don't understand

is why she would think that you could skate.

‐ Oh, my gosh.

‐ I mean, you can't drive four wheels,

let alone skate on them.

‐ Whatever, Daddy.

‐ Me, on the other hand, I would've been, like,

skating all up laid up in that curve.

‐ Oh, my God.

‐ Feeling the vibe.

‐ Well, you know what?

Then I'm glad that you know how to skate

so that you can take over,

because Chloe really needs to learn how to skate.

‐ I will handle this. I will show you.

‐ Todd, you need to understand your limitations,

because you are now 35 years older

than when you were skating.

So I don't need you laid up in a hospital somewhere.

‐ What are you talking about?

There ain't nothing wrong with this, honey.

‐ Oh, my gosh.

‐ This right here works fine.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

‐ Frances, this is one reason I like to be retired.

We'll have us a little drink, okay?

‐ Okay.

[door clicks shut] ‐ Nanny?

‐ Hey, come on in, darling.

‐ Are y'all drinking already?

‐ Well, honey, it's 5:00 somewhere.

‐ But it's not even noon here.

‐ Well, that don't make any difference.

I been up a long time.

‐ How many have you had?

‐ Just this one.

‐ This is our second one.

‐ Oh, gosh.

‐ Well, I think that speed dating was a big hit.

Are you excited for your date, Frances?

‐ Yeah, I'm nervous. ‐ Why?

‐ Well, I hadn't been on a date in a long‐‐

‐ I know why she's nervous.

It's been a long time since she tickled the ivy.

‐ Ivy? ‐ Yeah.

‐ What does that even mean?

‐ We call it the horizontal tango.

‐ Oh. Ugh.

‐ That's what she's worried about.

‐ I don't want to think about that.

But, Nanny, the guy from the speed dating class

really likes you, and so why don't you just

go on a double date with Frances

so she's more comfortable?

‐ Well, that sounds good.

‐ Listen, this stuff's not about me.

It's about my sister.

‐ Come on, do it for Frances.

‐ Do you like that, Frances?

‐ Yeah, I would like that.

‐ Well...

okay.

‐ All right, so we got a double date.

‐ Yeah. ‐ I'll be there,

so I'll make sure everything's going smoothly.

And if you want to get out, we need to come up with, like,

a signal that y'all can give me

to where I can come in and end it for you.

Maybe you go like this or something like that

if you want to‐‐ yeah, that's the way to do it.

‐ Well, what if you want to stay?

‐ Nanny! ‐ [laughs]

‐ Then come up with another signal,

Nanny, if you want to stay.

‐ Frances, if we want to stay,

maybe we can just purr like a kitten.

‐ What?

‐ [purrs]

‐ Purr. ‐ [laughs]

‐ Purr. Purr.

‐ [purrs]

‐ Purr.

‐ You just look like you have a heart condition.

‐ [laughs]

♪ ♪

‐ Whoa! Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, sister.

‐ Are you excited? ‐ Yes.

‐ Okay.

‐ I mean, can you believe‐‐ I mean,

this is bringing back so many memories.

I mean, we should buy one of these.

‐ A skating rink? ‐ Yes.

‐ That would be amazing.

‐ Because, I mean, it's all coming back.

‐ Yeah, and it's only been, like, a hundred years

since you skated, so...

‐ Now, if you're gonna be snarky‐‐

‐ I'm not being snarky.

‐ Do you want to get skates on? We'll couple skate?

‐ No. the important thing is, is that Chloe learns to skate.

'Cause we had a little hiccup earlier in the week, right?

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ That's right.

‐ Yep. ‐ Now, I know that you had

kind of a rocky start with Savannah,

and I know you were wanting Nic to teach you,

but you know that Nic and Savannah

are having to work through some things right now.

‐ Yes, sir.

‐ And this is a tough time for Savannah too.

And you said some things to Sassy that hurt her feelings.

So you're gonna apologize the next time you see Savannah?

‐ Yes, sir. ‐ Okay.

We don't hurt each other, do we?

‐ No. ‐ No, that was just a mistake.

‐ That's right. ‐ Sometimes...

relationships can be a little sticky.

‐ Yeah.

‐ But what do we do as a family?

‐ We stick together and we be good to each other.

‐ And we're good to each other. That's right.

So are you ready to start your lesson?

‐ Yes, sir. ‐ Yeah, I think you should.

'Cause my eyes can't believe what I'm seeing.

‐ Come on, darling.

You're getting on this floor

with someone who has torn floors up.

[laughter]

Stand at‐‐

like John Travolta.

[laughter]

Do it, girl. Oh, gosh!

[bright classical music]

♪ ♪

‐ What are y'all wearing?

‐ Well, I thought we look good myself.

‐ Nanny, y'all need to, like, dress up.

I mean, this is your first date in, like, half a century.

‐ Well, we don't want to dress up like we did back then,

'cause we were young, and you had to wear girdles‐‐

‐ Gurgles? ‐ Girdles.

And, ooh, they just pull you in so tight,

you can't even breathe.

And you just get so gassy,

and I know you don't understand,

because you're too young.

You're just a little whipper‐snacker.

‐ I don't even know what that means.

‐ You're just too damn young. ‐ Okay.

‐ So I was just gonna be real casual.

‐ Well, are you trying to be on a yacht,

or you want to be on a pontoon?

‐ Oh, I don't want to be on a pontoon.

I'm gonna be on a yacht or none.

‐ Okay, well, then you gotta change what you're wearing.

Just put on all black

and bring every accessory that you have.

‐ Let's go. ‐ All right, let's go.

‐ Growing up with my dad and Savannah,

I've picked up a few things

when it comes to dressing people.

Ooh‐whee! That's what I'm talking about.

Y'all look amazing.

I've learned that less is more

and that you have to accessorize.

Duh.

Nanny, you have heels on?

‐ Yeah. I'm looking for a friend,

and he certainly don't want a little Humpty‐Dumpty.

I gotta have a little heels.

‐ Where are your heels?

‐ Well, I don't want a broke hip.

‐ Well, that's fair. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ All right, let's get started. What about this one, Nanny?

I think this one would look good on you.

‐ Well...

‐ Frances, what color do you want?

‐ Yeah, I like the leopard print.

‐ She wants the leopard print. Look at you.

Oh, look, Nanny, you're already tied up and ready to go.

‐ This ain't my first rodeo.

‐ Honestly, I don't really know if I like this.

It looks like y'all are about to attend a funeral.

‐ Gives us something else to put on.

‐ Try that one on.

That's some color, Nanny.

‐ Mm‐hmm. I'm all about some color.

‐ There you go.

‐ I could use this to choke him.

Just watch. ‐ Oh.

‐ What? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Do you like this?

‐ Eh, I'm not sold.

Maybe if we try some jewelry.

‐ There you go.

‐ Okay. Frances, you love a pearl, right?

‐ I do.

When I get up on Saturday morning,

I like to walk around with nothing but pearls on.

Mm‐hmm. You heard me.

‐ Yeah, I better not catch you doing that.

‐ No, mine's diamonds.

You haven't never lived

until you get to walk around with diamonds

on your naked skin.

‐ Okay. Well, I think y'all look great.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ But remind me to never come here

early on a Saturday morning.

‐ Well, that's best not.

‐ [laughs]

♪ ♪

‐ [gibbers]

‐ None of these are gonna fit you.

Here, come on.

‐ [shouts]

‐ What's all this country western gear for?

‐ Well, she's got a party that she has to go to,

so we have to make sure she's dressed accordingly.

‐ Okay.

‐ Can I wear this pink hat?

‐ Of course you can,

if that's what you want to wear.

Come here. Let me see.

I think it's turned around backwards, though.

Here. ‐ Oops.

‐ There we go.

You know what, Chloe?

I'm sorry that Nic wasn't here to teach you

how to roller‐skate,

and I'm sorry that I was a bad teacher,

but I tried.

‐ And I'm sorry I said mean things to you.

‐ It's okay. I mean, there's no way

I could be mad at you in that hat.

I love you.

Mwah.

I didn't realize that when Nic and I decided

to call off the wedding

that we weren't the only ones that it would be hard on.

‐ I mean, Savannah, I wake up at night

in cold sweats worried about it.

‐ For once, could you please be serious?

‐ Well, speaking of Nic,

am I still allowed to be friends with him?

‐ Yes, Grayson, you're allowed to be friends with him.

‐ Am I allowed to be friends with Nic?

‐ Yes, you're allowed to be friends with Nic.

We're not, like, exiling him.

‐ I don't think she knows what that means.

‐ Yeah, I don't.

‐ We're not, like, pushing him off the face of the Earth.

‐ What's a face of a Earth? ‐ Oh, my‐‐

‐ Like, your face is on the Earth?

‐ What I'm trying to say is,

we're just gonna give him a little space.

‐ Is that, like, when Dad gets mad at Chase

and hides in his closet?

‐ Yes, that's the equivalent.

‐ [giggles]

♪ ♪

‐ Why'd you copy my haircut?

‐ Why would I not?

I mean‐‐ ‐ Because you're 50.

‐ I have the same skin as you.

I have no more wrinkles than you have.

‐ I have better skin than you.

‐ You wouldn't know because you keep it

covered with ass hair.

Look, they're having such a good time over there.

Look.

‐ So we got the yacht, so we can get on with it.

[laughs]

‐ Did you hear that?

‐ If he's got a yacht,

then he deserves to be taken advantage of.

Looks like you and Mr. Yacht Man

is getting fairly well acquainted over there.

‐ I'd get better acquainted if you quit

looking over my shoulder all night.

‐ Mama, if you think I'm gonna let you

go on a date unsupervised,

get out of here.

‐ Frances, let's try to get rid of Todd

so we can have some fun.

We don't need no boss. We're grown.

‐ If you need any help, let us know.

‐ I think we can fight this battle.

Are y'all enjoying your supper?

‐ Hey. ‐ Are you having a good time?

‐ Yeah, I'm trying to. ‐ Good.

‐ Well, don't you think y'all can be excused

and go on home?

I don't need no babysitter.

I don't need no stalkers. ‐ [laughs]

‐ I'm your ride home.

‐ I'm gonna ride him home.

‐ [laughs]

‐ Mama, you don't know what you're saying.

‐ He's gonna take me home, I said.

‐ He ain't taking you nowhere.

‐ Listen, I'm trying to close some deals, Todd.

‐ Nanny, I thought you were just here for moral support.

‐ No, I kind of like him.

When he told me he had that yacht, that did it.

‐ [laughs]

‐ Frances, we want to stay, don't we?

‐ Yes, we do.

‐ [purrs]

‐ [purrs]

‐ What?

‐ [purrs]

‐ What the hell are they doing?

‐ Y'all know that I'm right here.

You don't have to use the signs.

‐ Come on. ‐ Yeah, that was for when

you're other there.

‐ What does it mean?

‐ It means she's going home with him tonight.

‐ She ain't going home with nobody.

‐ Hey, at least we might get a yacht.

[bright classical music]

♪ ♪

‐ All right, Chloe, go.

‐ I can't. Help!

‐ Ooh! I'm rolling.

‐ Come on!

‐ Skating is not my jam.

‐ [giggles]

‐ Just hold my‐‐

‐ [yelps] ‐ Come on.

‐ Where's Papa?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ Look at him.

‐ What's happening?

♪ ♪

‐ Look.

‐ That's how you do it.

‐ [laughs]

‐ Okay, come on. Y'all come to Daddy.

Come on, let's see who gets here first.

‐ Let's see who gets there first, Savannah!

‐ Come on, skate.

‐ My ankles hurt.

‐ [giggles]

‐ You got it. You got it.

So how's it feel?

‐ Good. ‐ You got it?

‐ Yeah, I'm getting the hang of it.

‐ I love it.

I mean, I've taught you

as much as I can teach you right now at this age.

But as you get older,

I will teach you how to fall in love on skates.

‐ Eww.

‐ Wait. ‐ Come on.

‐ You gotta wait.

‐ Do you see how good I've got her skating?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Y'all, come on.

Let me show you‐‐ ‐ [yells]

‐ Savannah, you cannot really skate.

‐ No. ‐ Wow.

‐ I don't have to know how to skate.

‐ She's seriously squeezing my hand.

‐ Well, 'cause I gotta be pulled.

‐ Y'all having fun?

‐ Oh, so much fun. ‐ Yes!

‐ Yes. ‐ [yells]

Oh, God.

‐ How do I have a child that can't skate?

‐ [laughs] She's going.