Original subtitles

male announcer: Cannonball Bay,

where elite athletes face off

in the most extreme water park in the world.

All in pursuit of $10,000 in cold, wet cash.

both: Oh, man!

‐ Is my face okay?

‐ [screams]

announcer: So strap in, America.

This is "Cannonball."

‐ Oh! ‐ [laughing]

‐ Whoo! All right!

Nice!

[coughing]

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

‐ Hi, I'm Mike Mizanin.

‐ And I'm Rocsi Diaz.

‐ And welcome to Cannonball Bay,

where our competitors will take on

five insane challenges

in hopes of going home

with $10,000.

This show is gonna be bananas. [Rocsi laughs]

We got some crazy challenges.

‐ I totally agree, Mike.

This is gonna be good.

♪ ♪

Our first stunt today is the High Water Mark.

Our athletes will rocket down our seven‐story Megaslide,

topping speeds of 80 miles per hour,

then launch themselves into the air.

‐ And if your screams haven't shattered our camera lenses,

we'll watch as you try to make contact

with the cylinder as high up as you can.

‐ The seven athletes with the highest marks

will be the ones moving on to the next round.

‐ The other athletes will be going home.

And hopefully, you didn't draft them

in any of your fantasy "Cannonball" leagues.

Before we get started, let's check in

with our sideline reporter, Simon Gibson,

down on the shoreline.

Simon, how's the crowd over there?

‐ Oh, my God. The crowd is hyped.

How you doing, crowd?

[cheers and applause]

All my fans! All my fans!

All following me on Instagram! Can't go back on it!

Back to you in the booth!

‐ Thank you very much, Simon.

‐ Let's find out about our first athlete

on top of the Megaslide, Bella Albanese.

‐ Go time, let's go!

[surf rock music]

Hi, I'm Bella Albanese,

I'm from Beaver, Pennsylvania, and I'm a dogwalker.

Biggest pet peeve is when people breathe on my food.

I'm, like, "Do not look at my food,

"do not breathe on my food.

Your nasty germs are getting on it."

It's disgusting.

‐ A germophobe that's a dogwalker.

‐ Doesn't really go hand in hand, right?

‐ It does not go hand in hand.

‐ If she only knew what these ducks do in this lake.

[ducks quacking]

‐ Oh, boy. ‐ [laughs]

It's time to have some fun, Mike.

‐ Let's do it.

‐ Whoo! ‐ Three!

Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ And she's off!

Nice launch!

‐ Cannonball!

‐ Ooh!

[crowd groaning]

‐ Wow! ‐ Wow...

‐ It knocked the [bleep] wind out of me, holy [bleep].

‐ Our censors are not happy. ‐ Nope.

‐ That thing hit me so hard

my boobs are gonna [bleep] fall off.

‐ Let's take a look at the instant replay, Mike.

‐ As you can see, she has a nice start,

no drag down the slide.

Then launched herself headfirst into the cylinder.

‐ [distorted yelling]

‐ Fortunately, her face hit the sled.

Unfortunately, the sled hit the cylinder.

‐ And she comes in at 10 feet 9 inches.

An impressive score.

‐ Is my face okay?

[laughing]

‐ You look great down there. [Rocsi laughs]

‐ Our next athlete is ready at the top of the Megaslide.

It's Steve Heiss.

‐ All right.

[upbeat music]

Let's go.

My name's Steve Heiss,

and I sell vintage furniture for a living.

I love everything vintage.

My car's vintage, my clothes are vintage.

My women are vintage. [screaming]

Even my mustache is vintage.

I'm fully committed.

[wolf howls] So, spoiler alert...

I'm winning.

‐ Make it official, Mike.

‐ Vintage Steve is about to get started in...

three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Bam! ‐ Nice jump!

‐ [indistinct yelling]

[yells] ‐ Launches himself up! Wow!

That was absolutely incredible!

‐ Really impressive.

Let's take a look at the instant replay.

[quirky vintage music]

‐ As you can see in the replay, a smooth jump.

[honk]

Gains velocity off the exit.

[slide whistle] Pushes off.

Throws the sled down and rams himself

right into the cylinder.

Then gets knocked into last week.

How vintage of him.

‐ He's standing by with Simon. Simon?

‐ It looked like you went mustache‐first...

‐ Yeah. ‐ Into that.

Do you think that helped you out at all?

‐ Softened the blow.

I definitely think it softened the blow.

‐ All right, Steve.

You went 13 feet 2 inches! ‐ What!

‐ Uh! ‐ Whoo!

Yes! ‐ Vintage Steve

taking an early lead.

A big score after a big hit.

Who is our next athlete?

‐ Next up, Mike, we have Marisol Razo.

‐ ♪ I'm a force and you can't stand it ♪

‐ Just so you all know, I am the cool mom.

There's nothing better than being a mom.

Single mom. Single mom.

[laughing]

‐ ♪ I'm a force and you can't stand it ♪

‐ I love raves.

Dancing is, like, everything to me.

I'm not gonna tell you my age

'cause age doesn't matter to me.

‐ Marisol is 40 years old,

has five kids and one stepson.

That is a busy mom.

‐ I'm single, ready to mingle.

Hey, Mike, in the booth!

I see you, boo. I see you.

Okay. I'll get your number later.

Slide into my DMs.

[laughs]

‐ [laughs] Thank you very much. ‐ Oh‐ho!

We got him speechless, ladies and gentlemen.

‐ And here we go...

both: Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] Cannonball!

‐ [screams]

‐ Feet are up.

[cheers and applause]

Ooh! ‐ Oh!

‐ Wow! ‐ Wow.

‐ That might've hurt.

‐ Let's take a look at the instant replay.

‐ A cool, smooth launch.

Look at that form. Upside‐down and backwards.

Cool Party Mom gets every part of her body into it.

Head, neck, butt, thigh, foot, ankles, hips, back,

and her funny bone. ‐ [distorted scream]

‐ While Marisol collects herself,

let's bring everyone up to speed

with one of our world‐famous leaderboards.

‐ [sighs] ‐ Good call, Mike.

Marisol's feet made the highest contact,

giving her a height of 11 feet 1 inch,

and that puts her in second place.

‐ Leaving it all on the field,

Cool Party Mom means business.

‐ All right, let's meet our next athlete

of the day, Heather Harper.

‐ Yee‐haw!

‐ ♪ Ride a pickup truck ♪

♪ To the county line ♪

♪ And the beer in the back, Colt 45 ♪

‐ Hey, y'all, my name's Heather Harper,

I'm from St. Cloud, Florida. I'm 25 years old.

When I was little, I grew up on a farm.

Back there, it's like, I'm milking cows,

I'm riding horses, and I'm just relaxing on the farm.

Even though I might look cute and innocent,

I am ready to kick some booty.

Ooh, ho‐ho.

This Megaslide honestly looks insane.

It's a little higher than I thought.

‐ [haughty laughter] I guess they didn't have

any giant Megaslides on her farm, growing up.

Let's go!

both: Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] Cannonball!

‐ Uh‐oh. ‐ A little hesitation

coming up. ‐ Little hesitation.

[air horn blares repeatedly]

‐ Oh, my God.

‐ One more time. ‐ Three, two, one!

both: Cannonball!

[air horn blares]

‐ [yelps] ‐ All right. Here she goes.

‐ [screams]

‐ Oh! [crowd groans]

Nearly misses it completely.

I guess Heather's afraid of our big‐city cylinders.

‐ And Mike, her official score is 9 feet 10 inches.

She's gonna be right at the bubble

if she makes it to that next round.

‐ At least she hit the cylinder.

‐ Dang it!

‐ Let's meet our next competitor,

Baylee Sauter.

‐ Whoo!

‐ Baylee's 21 years old, from Walnut Creek, California.

He's a dancer at 5'9", 130 pounds.

‐ I majored in jazz hands in college,

but I minored in sexy.

[tambourine jingles] These jazz hands

are gonna be holding 10K. [cash register dings]

‐ I don't know how jazz hands is gonna help you

go down a 100‐foot slide, but...

more power to ya.

‐ Makes me feel good about myself.

[tambourine jingles]

‐ And here we go!

both: Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] Cannonball!

‐ Great speed coming down the Megaslide.

‐ No drag with the‐‐whoa! ‐ Cannonball!

Ah! ‐ Oh, no!

‐ Did you touch the cylinder?

‐ [yells] ‐ I didn't see him touch it.

‐ Let's take a look

at his instant replay. ‐ Whoo!

[upbeat rock music]

‐ He goes off the launch.

‐ Does a triple axel up there.

‐ Completely missing. ‐ [distorted scream]

‐ Maybe he should have majored in Megaslide

instead of jazz hands.

‐ Let's see what he has to say with Simon.

‐ All right, Baylee, tell us right now, honestly,

what part of your body touched the cylinder?

‐ Um, my energy touched the cylinder.

[cheers and applause]

‐ Thank you very much, Simon.

I do not believe energy is in our rulebooks

for touching the cylinder. ‐ [laughs]

‐ Jazz hands, Baylee!

‐ Whoa! [tambourine jingles]

‐ Mwah!

‐ All right, so Baylee missed the cylinder.

That means

Horse Whisperer Heather

grabs the last spot

into the second round.

Joining her is Alisan Banuelos...

[crowd groans]

Brent La Bounty...

[crowd groans]

‐ Whoo! ‐ And Carson Nicely.

‐ We'll get to know them more in the next round,

along with the rest of the top seven.

All of them athletes

at the peak of their

"Cannonball" game.

[exciting music]

‐ [screaming] ‐ Stick around,

because when we come back,

people fly higher and fall harder.

You're gonna wanna see this.

[crowd cheering]

‐ Welcome back to "Cannonball."

It's round two, and only

seven athletes remain.

If you forgot who moved on,

here they are, jumping in slow‐mo.

‐ That was an intense first round, Mike.

I can't wait to see what round two has in store for us.

‐ And if my intuition is correct,

I bet even more people

are about to fall into that water.

‐ Next up, it's Beach Ballin'.

From five stories high atop the drop tower,

our athletes will take a perilous swing

on our giant beach ball,

where they have to maintain their balance

until they jump off towards the yellow floating marker,

hoping to splash down as close as they can to the target.

The six athletes who come closest to the marker

move on to the next round.

The person who's the farthest away will go home.

The stakes are high. $10,000 on the line.

‐ That's a lot of money.

‐ Let's see if Alisan Banuelos

has what it takes up on the drop tower.

‐ Yo, I'm ready.

‐ ♪ That girl go to work ♪ ‐ ♪ Work ♪

‐ My name is Alisan, I'm 24,

and I'm a lash‐tech artist.

I'm here on "Cannonball" so I can win money, straight up.

‐ ♪ Work some, hurt some, spin it back ♪

‐ Watch me come out of that water,

I'ma still come out looking fabulous.

"Cannonball."

Yo, I'm hitting the target.

‐ She's a smack talker, which is what I like about her.

It's like sitting next to me every day for you, Mike.

‐ That is very true. But looking confident

and being a champion are two different things.

And here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Whoo! ‐ Nice, smooth start.

‐ Cannonball!

Straight up.

[cheers and applause]

‐ That is pretty good.

‐ Yeah! [bleep] yeah!

‐ Slapping the target as she's coming

out of the water. ‐ You're gonna see me

in that third round.

‐ Let's take a look at her instant replay.

‐ As you can see, she has her eye on the marker

the entire time, and has a nice release.

‐ Straight up.

‐ She's coming in at 10 feet 4 inches.

That is an impressive score.

‐ Wow. She's gotta be happy with that run.

‐ Let's take a look at what she has to say to Simon.

‐ She's fixing her hair, literally right now.

Oh, Alisan. Making her way up to the dock.

We're feeling good. You're a beautician.

‐ Yes, sir. ‐ Any tips for me?

‐ I mean, I think you look good, man.

Maybe come in, get your lashes done,

you know, we could do something little.

‐ Beautician and the beast!

[cheers and applause]

I'm getting a makeover.

[air horn blares] ‐ Thank you very much, Simon.

Who we got next?

‐ Let's meet our next competitor, Carson Nicely.

‐ Whoo! Yes.

[classical music]

‐ Carson is 31 years old, from Nashville, Tennessee.

‐ He actually was an all‐American

high school swimmer.

Seems like an advantage for him.

‐ I have no body hair.

I just thought you should know.

[operatic singing]

Hey. This is for you, Miley.

[smooches] Mm. [crowd cheering]

‐ Miley Cyrus, eat your heart out.

All right, here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Whoo! ‐ And he's off!

‐ [screaming] ‐ Oh, he's got a lot of speed.

And he kicks off!

[cheers and applause]

‐ All right! Pretty good, pretty good.

‐ Let's take a look at that replay,

see how well Carson did.

‐ He came in like a wrecking ball.

Miley would be very proud.

He's got his eye on the prize.

He does a nice push off the beach ball.

Headfirst into the water.

Great job.

‐ There's a reason why he's nicknamed

the Smooth Swimmer, Mike.

He got an incredible distance of 8 feet 9 inches.

I mean, I really like this guy.

I think he's gonna be one to watch

moving forward in the competition.

Coming up next is Bella Albanese.

‐ How high is this?

‐ Five stories high. [Rocsi laughs]

‐ How do I know the timing?

‐ That's up to you.

That's the name of the game, Bella.

We're right here with you. We're cheering you on.

Come on, Bella!

‐ Come on, Bella.

both: Bella! Bella!

‐ Wait, wait, I'm not ready. I'm, like, not ready, okay?

‐ You're either gonna say, "I quit,"

or give us two thumbs up.

‐ I will never quit.

‐ And here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] Cannonball!

‐ [screaming] ‐ And she's off!

‐ There she goes. Bella is off.

‐ Oh! ‐ Oh, wow!

‐ All right, Bella! ‐ Bravo!

‐ I better [bleep] win! Oh, crap, that's on TV.

Bleep that. [laughs]

‐ In honor of Bella,

it's time for a [bleep] leaderboard.

‐ Bella now sitting in last place,

but there are still four athletes left to go,

so this germaphobe is still very much in the running.

‐ Who we got next?

‐ The best looking mustache on today's competition.

‐ Ooh. ‐ Steve Heiss is up next.

‐ My strategy is all about the 'stache.

[whip cracks]

[dramatic music]

‐ The man with the Tom Selleck 'stache,

ready to go in...

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Whoo! Yeah! ‐ There he goes.

‐ Whoo! ‐ Hawaiian shirt and all!

‐ Whoo‐hoo! ‐ Does a dive!

That is a really good release.

A little late release, but really solid.

‐ Yeah!

‐ Let's take a look at this again.

‐ He overshoots the target slightly,

then gives it all he can to leap back towards it.

Because my man, Vintage Steve, just can't let go of the past.

‐ And Steve's results are in right now, Mike.

He's got 11 feet 5 inches.

‐ It's respectable. ‐ That's not bad.

‐ It's respectable.

‐ Whoo.

‐ Tom Selleck has never been so proud.

‐ [laughs] ‐ Who we got next?

‐ Coming up next is Marisol Razo.

She's our cool party mom from round one.

‐ I'ma make sure that I perk up just right,

and just go on for the ride and aim for that target,

because I love hitting the target.

Right, Mike? [clicks tongue]

["The Wedding March" plays]

‐ He's a married man, Marisol!

Back up off of him!

[song fades out] ‐ [laughs]

‐ She's ready to go.

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ [screams] ‐ And here she goes!

And she's off!

And it's smooth sailing!

‐ [screaming] ‐ But she overshot it!

[crowd groans] Oh!

No! Terrible release! ‐ [breathing heavily]

‐ Let's look at the replay once again.

‐ ♪ There's a party going on in here ♪

‐ Marisol rode the beach ball too long,

and it cost her.

A valuable lesson, Cool Party Mom.

Sometimes, you just gotta let go.

‐ [distorted screaming]

‐ And I got Marisol's results right now.

She's coming in at 16 feet 11 inches, Mike.

‐ Ooh, that's gonna be a tough one.

She could be out, she could be in.

‐ Our next competitor is Brent La Bounty.

‐ This is for you, Baby Beckett!

[baby crying]

My name is Brent La Bounty, I'm 34 years old.

I'm a first‐time dad, and I co‐own

a beef jerky company.

My son is 3 1/2 months old.

He does have some extremely poopy diapers.

He's a really good eater.

[farting] [baby giggles]

I'm just so proud to be a father.

‐ He says that if he can change a diaper

in the middle of the night, he can do anything.

And I am going to agree with you.

And here we go.

In three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ New dad sitting up tall like a big boy.

‐ [grunting] ‐ Showing his son how to do it.

Oh, wait! ‐ Oh, he over shot it!

‐ Ah! ‐ Oh, man.

A really late release.

Goes back‐first into the water.

‐ Not good.

‐ That's right, Brent,

16 feet 4 inches.

Not good.

But lucky for you,

Cool Party Mom Marisol

is the one on the bubble

as we head to

our last athlete,

Heather Harper.

‐ She looks nervous up there.

‐ She's scared of heights, so that could be a problem

while she's on our giant beach ball.

‐ 100%.

‐ Heather, all eyes are on you right now.

‐ Oh...my God. ‐ Get that leg around that.

‐ Oh!

I don't know if I should quit or not.

This is really high.

‐ She's a couple rounds away

from $10,000.

‐ Cannonball!

‐ Strong start with the cannonball yells.

‐ Oh, my God.

‐ And here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ [screaming] ‐ And she's off!

She's got an eye on it.

[crowd cheering] What a really great job!

Gotta be honest, pretty good.

‐ I just dropped straight on my butt.

[laughs] Oh, my God.

I gotta pick my wedgie.

‐ Let's take a look at that replay.

‐ As you can see, horse riding...

[horse whinnies]

Beach balling, go hand in hand.

I think this is gonna be a good score.

‐ And she's standing with Simon right now.

Simon?

‐ All right, I'm here with Heather,

she's a little bit country,

I'm a little bit progressive rock.

‐ [laughs] ‐ We make it work.

And guess what? Your official score

was 10 feet 11 inches.

You just moved on to the next round!

[crowd cheering] ‐ Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

‐ Heather, powering through her fears

to move on, joining these

others in the next round.

Smooth Swimmer Carson

leading the pack with

an impressive first place.

‐ Sadly, that means we have to say good‐bye

to our cool party mom, Marisol Razo.

‐ I'm still the cool mom.

I've always been the cool mom.

I will continue to be the cool mom.

That's just it.

[somber music]

‐ We'll be right back...

.

‐ Welcome back to "Cannonball."

12 began this journey,

but only 6 remain.

‐ This has been so exciting.

I feel like I should have

a bucket of popcorn for this next round.

Up next, it's Speed Bag.

Our athletes will stand four stories in the air

as a 200‐pound bag barrels towards them.

They will have to grab on

and ride the bag as long as they can.

‐ The key is, here, time your jump onto the bag

and grab on with all you got.

Arms, legs, whatever works.

Distance is the key here.

The better the grip, the longer the ride.

‐ The five competitors with the furthest distance

when they hit the water will advance to the semifinals.

The one with the shortest is going home.

‐ Squeeze tight and hug it like you love it.

‐ Whoo! Cannonball!

‐ Our first athlete, Heather Harper,

is up on the plank.

She's 5'9", and she has the length.

She's here to dominate.

‐ As she walks the plank, there's no nerves there,

you know, she's actually walking pretty steadi‐‐oh.

‐ Oh, there we go. ‐ There they are.

both: There they are.

‐ [laughs] Um, I'm really scared.

‐ Don't look down! ‐ [shaky voice] Okay.

‐ Come on, you can do it. I believe in you, Heather.

‐ Here we go.

‐ Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ The speed bag starts, and she leaps‐‐

‐ [screams] ‐ Oh!

[crowd groaning]

‐ High marks for bravery. You know what I mean?

‐ [grunting, spitting]

‐ [laughing]

Ah, what are you gonna do?

[country rock music]

‐ Well, I'll tell you what she did wrong here, Rocs.

She led with her face.

Not the best way to grab ahold of the bag.

And after that, her and her Daisy Dukes

didn't stand a chance.

‐ And Heather came in at 28 feet 7 inches.

We'll see if she has enough to make it to the semifinals.

‐ Who's our next competitor?

‐ Our next competitor is Brent La Bounty.

‐ All right, let's do one more of these for Beckett, baby.

We got this. Let's go.

‐ He's been carrying around his baby

for a few months, now,

so that's some arm strength right there.

‐ Let me tell you something,

that is a lot of arm strength.

I'll tell you what, his biceps are probably thriving.

‐ All right, here comes the count.

‐ Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

[crowd cheers] ‐ And the speed bag is off.

‐ [grunting]

Brent's arms and legs latched on,

he's taking a ride.

Wow! I'll tell you what!

Nice dismount! What a release!

[cheers and applause]

He went far.

‐ Wow! 89 feet 11 inches.

That is really, really impressive.

‐ Not too shabby.

‐ Oh, that was gnarly.

‐ All right, Steve Heiss is up next.

[funky music]

‐ Whoo! ‐ Vintage Steve,

our favorite mustache.

‐ Feeling pretty confident, I feel like I can get this.

I'm gonna hug that bag like I'm a crab.

I'm just gonna grab onto it as hard as I can.

‐ But Crabs clench, they... ‐ But crabs don't hug you.

‐ They clench. They hurt. ‐ They clench.

I don't know how that is gonna help him.

♪ ♪

He looks ready.

‐ And here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ The speed bag is off.

He jumps into it with his big crab hug.

‐ [screams] ‐ Very good dismount!

And wow! ‐ Yeah, Steve!

Ah!

‐ I give him a ten! ‐ Whoo‐hoo!

‐ Really good run.

93 feet 9 inches. ‐ Wow.

‐ That is dominating.

‐ That is a breakout performance for Steve.

And that's why he's my favorite to win it all.

‐ Whoo!

‐ Who we got next? ‐ Bella Albanese.

You remember her, right, Mike? ‐ Oh, I remember Bella.

She's unpredictable.

Her mouth is definitely unpredictable, so‐‐

‐ [screaming] Hi, Mike and Rocsi!

‐ Oh, she's waving at us! [whimsical music]

‐ Great. ‐ Wave right back to her.

‐ We wave right back.

‐ You know, the thing about... ‐ [laughs]

‐ [screaming] Hi!

Rocsi!

‐ I gotta start locking my trailer.

‐ [laughing]

‐ You gotta love her fire.

Hopefully she takes the same energy

that she was using to curse us out

to curse out that speed bag. ‐ [laughs]

How many people have touched that?

Is that thing clean? ‐ [laughs] Yeah.

‐ Nope.

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] Cannonball!

Speed bag is off. ‐ Oh, [bleep].

[grunts] [bleep]! ‐ And she jumps into it.

[crowd groaning] And just‐‐oh!

Wow! ‐ Yeah.

‐ Whoo. [laughs]

‐ That hug was just not tight enough.

‐ Let's take a look at the replay.

‐ She leaps into the speed bag.

‐ [distorted laughter]

[bleep]! ‐ She slips right off.

‐ [distorted screaming]

‐ And it's a long way down.

[orchestral music]

‐ [distorted laughter]

‐ Bella comes in at 27 feet 9 inches.

‐ It wouldn't be a run with Bella

if there wasn't an F‐bomb. [Rocsi laughs]

‐ Let's take a look at the leaderboard.

Our top score right now is 93 feet 9 inches from Steve,

and Bella came up about a foot shy

of Horse Whisperer Heather's run,

so Heather is officially moving on.

Bella now at the bottom of the leaderboard.

‐ Onto our next competitor. Who we got?

‐ Our next athlete, Carson Nicely,

is ready up there at the launchpad.

‐ Strategy is pretty specific.

Bag's gonna be hurtling right at me.

I'm gonna latch onto it like my ex

and just never let go.

‐ He's gonna hold on like he's holding on to his ex.

Yikes. ‐ [exhales]

‐ He looks like he's focused,

and he's ready. ‐ Come on, you frickin' maniac.

‐ Here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] ‐ Cannonball!

‐ Oh lawd, she comin'.

[grunts] ‐ Good jump.

Nice, tight grip.

He's got an eye on where he wants to go.

‐ [screams] ‐ Oh, my God!

‐ Wow! ‐ Yeah!

‐ Yes, Carson!

This guy is awesome. ‐ Whoo!

‐ That's what I'm talking about!

‐ You saw it.

‐ Let's check out the instant replay.

‐ Oh, boy. His strong arms and silky‐smooth thighs

squeezed the bag in a pretty sweet spooning position.

That is a textbook technique.

‐ Carson is coming in at 91 feet 11 inches.

Doesn't get the top spot,

but he's got enough to go to the semifinals.

He's standing by with Simon right now. Simon?

‐ You said, "I'm gonna hold onto this

like my ex‐girlfriend?"

‐ Here's the thing, sometimes you just don't want to let go.

And it's‐‐ all: Aww.

‐ Sometimes you have to, which is what I did at the end.

‐ You might not get your girlfriend back...

[laughing]

[melancholy piano music]

All right.

All right. All right. [music slows, stops]

Carson, I got some good news.

You're moving on to the semifinal!

[cheers and applause] Come on!

Incredible. Incredible stuff!

Back to you in the booth!

‐ Thank you very much, Simon. Always a great interview.

Who we got next?

‐ We gotta get to our last competitor,

Alisan Banuelos.

‐ C'est la vie. ‐ She's not scared.

I have feeling she's gonna take this speed bag head on.

27 feet is all she needs.

Alisan gets that, and she's sending Bella home.

[eagle caws] ‐ Here we go.

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] ‐ Cannonball!

‐ Cannonba‐‐ ‐ Oh!

‐ Straight up.

[crowd groaning] ‐ Man!

‐ Ah! Ha‐ha.

Simon is crushed!

Sorry, bud, looks like you won't be getting

that free lash job.

‐ Oh, my God.

‐ And here's our final leaderboard.

The top five are set

and one step closer to walking

away with $10,000.

‐ Don't go anywhere.

You may end up knowing the winner

and needing a loan.

We'll be right back.

[cheers and applause]

[surf rock music]

[cheers and applause]

‐ Welcome back to "Cannonball."

Our five remaining athletes have arrived

into the semifinals,

bringing us one step closer to the grand prize

of $10,000.

‐ The pressure is truly on, Mike.

Are you excited to get this round started?

‐ No. I'm not.

‐ Why?

‐ I am hyped out of my mind, Rocsi!

Let's get this party started!

‐ All right, guys! It's time for Blast Off.

Our athletes must stand on top of a cannonball

as water blasts out of a firehose.

The water pressure increases the longer you stay on

and reaches speeds up to 70 miles per hour.

‐ It's all about balance and a tight grip.

So don't let your dreams of $10,000 get drenched.

‐ The four competitors who are able to hold on the longest

will move on to the finals

and be one step away from taking home the $10,000.

The person with the shortest ride

will be sent home with nothing.

‐ Nothing! You almost got there!

But you didn't! Ya got nothing!

‐ All right, let's head down to the water

where our first competitor is waiting.

Carson Nicely is my pick to win this entire contest.

‐ This is an awful idea.

‐ He looks ready. He looks confident.

And here we go in...

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ And the water pressure is on.

‐ Whoo! Hoo‐hoo‐hoo.

‐ He seems to have a really good stance on it right now.

Great foot placement. ‐ Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm. Mm‐kay.

‐ He's using every muscle in his body

to keep that water pressure underneath him.

And he's coming over here. ‐ Hoy!

‐ How you doing?

That got a good "How you doing" from Carson.

‐ Yeah. Thing is, that's the problem.

‐ Ah! ‐ Round and round he goes!

Look at Carson go!

‐ Oh! ‐ Oh, wow!

‐ Yeah! [yells] ‐ Man, what an impressive run.

‐ Whoo! All right!

Look at her go! Nice!

‐ My man Carson setting the tone here

in the semifinals with a solid time

of 31.78 seconds.

Way to go, Carson! You keep killing it!

Coming up next in the competition

is Bella Albanese.

‐ I'm gonna laugh my way all the way into the finals!

I'm ready to go! [laughs]

‐ Bella's got a ton of energy,

so I think she's gonna come out of the game pretty strong.

[Bella laughs]

‐ And we're ready for the countdown.

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ There it is, the first water burst.

But she's able to hold on.

‐ [laughing]

‐ Gotta love Bella.

If only we awarded extra points for laughing,

she'd be winning the next four competitions.

Go, Bella! Here we go!

Oh! And there we go! Oh!

And she slips down and round and round!

And she does a nice cannonball!

Into the water.

‐ [bleep]. ‐ Bella comes in with a time

of 22.94 seconds.

A little behind Carson, but still a good run.

‐ [laughs] ‐ Bella laughs it off

as we head back to the hose

where our horse whisperer, Heather Harper,

is saddling up.

‐ She's familiar with rodeos.

She may have been on a bull once or twice in her life.

I just feel like Heather may have something for us.

‐ Oh, my God.

‐ Seeing a little bit of nerves on her face.

Let's see how she does.

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Keep that water pressure underneath you, Heather.

‐ Has a nice, tight grip, but‐‐oh, wait!

Now she has kind of a cross‐legged‐‐oh, man!

[Heather screaming] That does not look good!

‐ [screams] ‐ Ooh!

[crowd groans] ‐ Oh, that was not good.

‐ That was not pretty.

‐ Heather. [sighs] ‐ Let's take a look

at the replay. What went wrong, Mike?

‐ She was a little nervous from the beginning.

You can tell she didn't have a lot of confidence.

Soon as we saw that first burst of water,

she lost all of her footing,

and it just went bad from there.

‐ Yeah, Heather's gotta be disappointed, Mike.

She got a score of 12.02 seconds,

putting her in last and in danger

of not making the finals.

‐ Dang it!

‐ Who's our next athlete? ‐ I suck!

‐ Our next athlete is Brent La Bounty.

New dad Brent only has to ride that cannonball

for a little over 12 seconds

and he's heading to the finals.

‐ And here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Wish he had a little bit more bend in the knee.

I think that's gonna be a real problem for him.

And there it goes!

He's going all around, the water is spraying.

He is holding on for dear life.

Oh! He's feet are off!

And he is going down!

[crowd groans] Oh, wow.

‐ Oh, that was not what I call graceful.

‐ Not good.

‐ And unfortunately, his time is not a great one.

9.78 seconds.

Smooth Swimmer Carson leading the pack

with New Dad Brent bringing up the rear.

If our last athlete can beat Brent's 9.78 seconds,

this new dad will be back home in time

for baby Beckett's bath.

And with that, we gotta get to our last competitor.

It's Steve Heiss, Mike.

‐ You know, I'm gonna go out on a limb.

Steve's my pick for this round.

‐ Don't you underestimate the mustache.

‐ Steve is ready, and here we go!

In...three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Oh, man! Here we go!

He's got a good grip.

He's got a crisscross technique.

And‐‐oh, no! Steve is holding on for dear life!

He knows that the finals are just at the cusp!

‐ Hey! Hello! ‐ Oh! He's up‐‐

But one foot is still on!

He's still in this!

He's going upside‐down

and round and round!

‐ [shouting] ‐ Wow, look at this!

Incredible! Water is spraying everywhere!

We're getting splashed, everyone is getting splashed!

And Steve is still going!

[Rocsi screams]

My man, Steve

with another vintage performance!

He's going on to the finals.

[cheers and applause] Whoa!

What a run!

[cheers and applause]

‐ Whoo! ‐ Let's take a look

at the replay, Mike. What do you see?

‐ As you can see here,

he decided to go with the strategy

of holding on for dear life.

Which he ended up applying here...

Here... And here.

‐ In fact, Steve outlasted Carson

and grabbed the top spot on Blast Off

with a time of 36.47 seconds.

And then there were four!

The finals are set!

One of these people will be heading home

with $10,000!

‐ Up next, we send people flying

for one final time!

Stay right there!

[cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

‐ Welcome back to "Cannonball."

It's finals time.

We begin with 12 but are left with only four.

And one of them will be leaving here

with $10,000. ‐ That's right, Mike.

Things, though, have officially gotten real.

One of these people will be crowned our champion,

and I can't wait to find out who it will be.

Will it be Germaphobe Bella Albanese?

Vintage Steve Heiss?

Horse Whisperer Heather Harper?

Or Smooth Swimmer Carson Nicely?

‐ Let's get right to it

and take a look at our fifth and final challenge.

‐ It's time for the Cannon!

Our finalists will rocket down

our souped‐up Megaslide, now 20 feet longer,

and 20% steeper at the launch.

‐ Which makes it 100% scarier, but that's not all.

When they hit that launch,

they'll be in total darkness.

‐ Each athlete's maximum height

plus their total distance equals their final score.

♪ ♪

‐ This is the time to prove that you're worthy

of the finals of "Cannonball."

‐ Bella Albanese is at the top of the Megaslide,

but earlier today, Simon caught up with her

to find out how she's feeling

heading into this final challenge.

‐ Oh, this way.

‐ All right, Bella. I want you to paint a picture

in your head. You've won it all.

[jaunty music]

‐ [laughing]

♪ ♪

Okay.

‐ This is the finals. No mistakes.

Bella really needs to step up her game

and show us what she's got. ‐ That's right.

‐ And here we go!

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Nice, feet up in the air.

‐ Oh, my goodness! Wow! ‐ Whoo‐hoo!

‐ Nice distance.

[cheers and applause] ‐ [laughs]

That was so fun!

‐ Let's take a look at the instant replay.

‐ She had a great start, a lot of speed,

until she dragged her feet just a little bit,

which slowed her down.

‐ That drag limited her height to 21 feet 1 inch.

But then she made up for it with a solid distance

of 33 feet 5 inches, giving her a total score

of 54 feet 6 inches.

She's standing by with Simon right now. Simon?

‐ I just got your official score.

And it was 54 feet 6 inches.

[cheers and applause] ‐ That's pretty good!

‐ We'll find out if that's good enough to win the 10 grand.

Mike and Rocsi, back to you in the booth.

‐ Thank you very much, Simon. Who's our next finalist?

‐ I think this is your favorite coming up next.

It's Steve Heiss, Mike.

‐ This guy can fly.

His mustache makes him more aerodynamic.

‐ I'm gonna, you know‐‐I put a lot of lotion on my legs.

Some suntan lotion to lube up, so can slide down really well.

‐ You know what? That's my advice

to every single competitor going forward.

He looks ready. In...

Three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Nice jump! ‐ Nice jump in.

Feet are up. No drag whatsoever.

‐ Cannonball!

[cheers and applause] ‐ Oh!

‐ That is what I'm talking about!

‐ That was phenomenal. ‐ That's the Steve I know!

‐ Whoo‐hoo! ‐ Did you see him, Rocsi?

Did you see him? ‐ Let's see it again!

‐ Oh, my goodness! ‐ As you see...

‐ That's what I'm talking about!

That's what I'm talking about! ‐ He jumps into the Megaslide.

‐ That's Steve! That's Steve! ‐ Speed up

the entire way down. ‐ Steve! Yeah!

He had no drag city whatsoever, and he just conquered it.

No reach up hurt his height,

but perfect form on his dive

gives him some extra distance

for a total score of 71 feet 2 inches.

He's in the lead, and yeah, this is Mike's pick.

‐ I knew when I saw this guy,

and I said, "This guy is a 'Cannonball' expert."

‐ And that guy is standing by with Simon right now.

Simon? ‐ Thank you so much.

‐ Whoo! ‐ I'm here with Steve,

arms raised, pits exposed, just the way I like it.

You went 71 feet 2 inches.

[cheers and applause] ‐ All right!

‐ Do you think that's good enough

to win this whole thing?

‐ That sounds pretty good, yeah!

‐ Sounds good to me! That sounds good to me!

But we'll find out.

Mike and Rocsi. Back to you in the booth.

‐ Give it up for Steve. Give it up for this shirt.

‐ That's Steve Heiss for you, baby, mustache and all.

Stay right there because when we come back,

our final two athletes

see if they can claim that $10,000 as their own.

We'll be right back.

[cheers and applause]

‐ Welcome back to "Cannonball."

With two athletes left, we're halfway

through the final round.

That $10,000 grand prize

is officially closer than ever.

‐ With a score of 71 feet 2 inches,

Vintage Steve Heiss

knocked off Bella Albanese,

making him the one to beat.

My heart is beating out of my chest right now.

I can only imagine

what our final two competitors are feeling.

‐ That $10,000 grand prize is going to someone real soon.

Who's up next?

‐ Our next athlete has been battling her fear of heights

to compete with us today.

It's Horse Whisperer Heather Harper.

‐ Whoo. ‐ She has to beat

71 feet 2 inches

in order to get anywhere close to that $10,000.

‐ I'm so excited to be in the finals.

I'm hoping I can pull through to do this Megaslide,

because, honestly, my nerves right now

are really kicking in, and I can barely breathe.

[cheers and applause] ‐ $10,000 is on the line!

[dramatic music]

In three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

[bird screeching]

[air horn blares repeatedly]

‐ And Heather is on top of the Megaslide,

and she's having second thoughts.

‐ The Megaslide is the one thing that I can say

is Heather's kryptonite.

‐ I think Heather needs some inspiration.

all: Heather! Heather!

‐ Let's go, Heather.

You've sucked it up this entire time.

‐ You just gotta hone in right now.

$10,000 is on the line.

‐ You can do it!

‐ No? ‐ I can't believe this.

[crowd groaning] ‐ I'm in shock right now.

Heather's not gonna come down the Megaslide, Mike.

‐ I don't know if I can talk right now.

‐ With one athlete left,

it officially all comes down to this.

‐ Carson Nicely has to beat 71 feet 2 inches,

and Carson Nicely is my pick to win this

entire contest. ‐ Whoo! All right.

‐ So he better go up there and do his damn thing.

‐ So we're gonna go down the Megaslide

and get shot right out of that cannon.

And I guess that's gonna be an awesome time.

I'm gonna use 100% of my emotional baggage

to rocket me down and just really get the distance.

‐ Do you really think he's gonna beat Steve's score?

‐ Listen, at 6'1", 185 pounds, he has more weight

and more height. ‐ A person already quit

'cause they saw how far Steve went.

‐ It's not impossible.

You've got this, Carson! You got it!

‐ In three! Two! One!

[air horn blares] both: Cannonball!

‐ Nice jumping entrance.

Little bit of drag.

Oh, man!

‐ Oh! ‐ Oh!

Oh!

Did you see that dive?

‐ Whoo! Yeah! ‐ Yes, Carson!

‐ Okay!

‐ That's what I'm talking about!

Do you see that, Mike? ‐ I saw it.

I saw it. ‐ Did you see that?

‐ You can see he has complete control of his body.

‐ Control, Mike! Control. ‐ Has great distance.

‐ Great distance! ‐ A ton of height.

‐ A lot of height! ‐ A beautiful dive.

‐ And style points! I mean, come on!

‐ [distorted yell]

‐ I'm nervous. I'm nervous. ‐ You should be.

Carson can easily beat Steve's score

of 71 feet 2 inches.

Come on, booth. Give me the points.

Give me the points. ‐ Wait. Wait a second.

This just in. Carson Nicely's score is...

70 feet 5 inches.

‐ I can't believe it. ‐ That means

Steve Heiss won!

‐ You won "Cannonball"! [victorious music]

‐ What!

[fireworks popping]

‐ You just won $10,000!

♪ ♪

‐ [yelling]

‐ Ah...

‐ My pick! ‐ Oh, my God!

‐ How are you feeling right now?

‐ I'm...I'm s‐‐elated.

I'm so [bleep] happy.

I'm so happy.

Whoo! Thank you!

‐ What it's all about! Come on!

Mike and Rocsi, back to you in the booth!

Give me a hug!

‐ Congratulations, Steve Heiss!

My pick! ‐ Okay, Mike.

‐ I might‐‐I might grow a mustache.

Put on a vintage shirt. It'll look good, right?

‐ You do that, Mike. ‐ I'm gonna do that.

Well, it was fast, it was fun. And now it's finished.

‐ This one hurts. This one hurts.

‐ It does. ‐ It's been fun, though.

‐ For Rocsi Diaz and Simon Gibson,

I'm Mike Mizanin.

And we'll see you next time on...

"Cannonball"! ‐ [laughs]

♪ ♪

announcer: That's it, folks!

This is "Cannonball."

Brought to you by dreams and screams.

Stay wet, America.

‐ [distorted scream]

♪ ♪