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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,071
[ Siren wails ]
2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,905
Great idea
coming out to the van
3
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,374
for movie night, babe.
4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:10,211
Now I can laugh as loud
as I want at "Police Academy 3."
5
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,480
Police? In school?
6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,083
[ Laughing ]
I mean, what the...
7
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,885
Plus, we get
some actual privacy.
8
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,387
Pipe down.
9
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,123
Proctor's about to accidentally
enter the Blue Oyster bar.
10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,229
This is a Channel 3
NewsBlast Ten Million.
11
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,597
Another body has been found
12
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,266
wearing an RB Burger bag
over its head,
13
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,835
the seventh victim
of the RB Burger Killer.
14
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,871
When will the grossly
incompetent Langley PD,
15
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,907
long believed
to be the inspiration
16
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,342
for the
"Police Academy" movies,
17
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,776
which I'm interrupting now,
18
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,446
bring the RB Burger Killer
to justice?
19
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,081
Now back to "Police Academy."
20
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:50,017
[ Gunshots, farting ]
21
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,220
Jeff, there's something I wanted
to talk to you about.
22
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,754
[ Laughing ]
Oh, yeah?
23
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:57,258
I've been working some heavy
part-time hours over at Sub Hub,
24
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,859
so I have some money,
25
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,530
and these crazy murders
have really got me thinking.
26
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,266
I shouldn't wait to do nice
things for the people I love.
27
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,634
Is it happening?
28
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,703
Are you gonna stop talking
during "Police Academy"?
29
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,106
You know how we could
never afford wedding rings?
30
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,541
Well, I bought you one.
31
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,576
It's imitation
Diamondesque,
32
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:18,078
but the ring part
is real metal.
33
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:23,251
It looks like
a princess's hand.
34
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,786
I feel bad, though.
35
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,721
I don't have the money
to buy one for you.
36
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,922
Don't worry about that.
37
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,559
I don't expect anything
from you in return.
38
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,328
You don't expect
anything from me?
39
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,930
Oh, I didn't
mean it like that.
40
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,266
What a relief!
41
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,734
We at RB Burger
are stunned and saddened
42
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,571
by this recent rash
of senseless killings.
43
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,406
We wish to offer our thoughts
and prayers
44
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,441
to the victims
and their families.
45
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,744
Plus, for one week,
get a free small fry
46
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:55,516
with every mouthwatering
RB Western Cheeseburger.
47
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:59,587
Mmm, unforgettable smokiness!
48
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:03,457
Just as those who have been
killed will never be forgotten.
49
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,162
* Good morning, U.S.A.
50
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:12,032
* I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
51
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:15,135
* The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *
52
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:19,840
* And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race *
53
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,811
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say
54
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:27,147
* Now that Dad is gone,
I sing my go-to-school song *
55
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,384
* I sing my school song
every day *
56
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,486
* La la la-la-la
57
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,955
I'm out, too.
Big day at work.
58
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,290
Got to fluff
the shredded lettuce
59
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,392
and run the turkey
through the dishwasher.
60
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,828
I've also got a job,
61
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,631
fixing phone lines
for Langley Bell.
62
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,166
Yep.
I'm a pole climber now,
63
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,569
staring down heights
and bad weather,
64
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,372
risking my life
to keep the lines running.
65
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:54,475
Another unsung
blue-collar hero.
66
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,511
Everyone can feel free to leave
without talking, too.
67
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,381
Did I miss Hayley
leaving for work?
68
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,417
Well, I scared Stan in his car
and made him crash.
69
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,152
Should we all
go back to bed?
70
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,789
Oh, my God.
That sounds amazing.
71
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,192
[ Sizzling ]
[ Yawns ]
72
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,927
Did I miss
"The Price Is Right"?
73
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,864
Yeah, there was a weirdly
expensive dish soap.
74
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:17,998
$30.
75
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,667
Even Drew
thought it was unfair.
76
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,769
What are you gonna do today,
Mrs. S?
77
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,372
I'm not really taking
questions today, Jeff.
78
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,673
I wanted to go to Target
79
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,675
to buy the world's
shittiest mountain bike,
80
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:31,279
but our front door feels like
it's a million miles away.
81
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,414
Wow, Jeff.
What is that?
82
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,949
Oh, yeah!
It's my new wedding ring.
83
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,885
My old one was nothing.
84
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,219
Hayley got it for me.
85
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,421
[ Clink ]
86
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,424
Uh, that's
a metal sound.
87
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,858
What are you
gonna get her?
88
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:45,893
That's the best part.
89
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,462
She said she doesn't
expect anything from me.
90
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,198
Free ring, basically.
91
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,934
Uh, Jeff,
that's kind of a dig.
92
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,235
Kind of a huge dig.
93
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,904
No, no, no,
she just means that, like,
94
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,573
I can't do the kind of things
that she can do.
95
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,343
That I'm
not capable of it.
96
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,648
You know what?
That actually really stinks!
97
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,317
It's 'cause
she has a job.
98
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,751
Stan's the same way.
99
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,553
He doesn't think
I can pay for things
100
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,221
just because
I don't have any money.
101
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,556
Same with my Steve.
102
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,558
He doesn't have a job,
but he goes to school,
103
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,793
and he just loves
to throw that in my face.
104
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,795
Steve's my partner
in this situation.
105
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,265
I never realized how badly
those three treat us!
106
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,767
I let it slide a lot,
107
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,936
'cause I'm letting
a lot more go these days,
108
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:33,140
but it really gets me mad
when I think about it.
109
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,775
I need a drink.
110
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,347
Do they think
we can't get jobs?!
111
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,115
We can get jobs
anytime we want!
112
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,284
We could,
but I don't want to.
113
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,587
I have a personality type
that makes it hard
114
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,822
to work for
or with others.
115
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:52,493
I was tested, came up positive
for that personality type.
116
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,463
Me?
I can't work in an office.
117
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,666
What if I want to eat ribs
at 10:30 a.m.?
118
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,434
Where would
I even get them?
119
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,470
It's just not practical
for me.
120
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,937
And I can't get a job
121
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,775
because legally I'm
supposed to be in Afghanistan.
122
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,978
But what if we started
our own business?
123
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,114
We'd be bosses.
124
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,449
Like Boss Baby.
125
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,151
We'd be in charge.
126
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,787
Like Boss Baby!
127
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,222
Are we doing this?
Are we starting a business?
128
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,693
One, two -- we're gonna say
"Boss Baby" -- three!
129
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,132
* Good morning, U.S.--
130
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,801
No!
The quiet version.
131
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,969
My head
is killing me.
132
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,407
[ Quietly ]
* I've got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
133
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,408
[ Vomiting ]
134
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,142
You drank a lot yesterday
135
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,143
with Mom and Roger.
136
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,177
What were you doing?
137
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,513
I forget.
138
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:49,016
But I do remember
one thing, babe.
139
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,651
You.
140
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,820
[ Vehicle approaches,
horn honks ]
141
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,788
[ Air brakes hiss ]
What the hell?
142
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,992
I got a brand-new
deluxe tour bus here
143
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,328
for Jeff, Francine,
and Roger
144
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,997
Making Their Own Money
That'll Show 'Em Incorporated?
145
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,365
You ordered a bus?
146
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,900
Did you --
147
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:10,704
Oh, did you think you were maybe
buying a miniature tour bus?
148
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,072
Nooo?
149
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,576
Then why is there a Hot Wheels
track set up in the living room?
150
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,882
And, of course, there's
the matter of the bill.
151
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,417
[ Laughing ]
152
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,856
Stupid scooter,
stupid grass.
153
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,492
[ Grunts ]
Aye-yi-yi.
154
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,728
Classic drunk idiots.
I love it.
155
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:37,030
These adorable
knuckleheads.
156
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,365
[ Laughter ]
157
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,033
It's not funny.
158
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,402
We are starting
a business.
159
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,371
Really?
What is it?
160
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,941
Um, it's a business...
161
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:48,942
That's...
162
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,210
Called...
163
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,211
Uhhh...
164
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,980
Uhhh...
165
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,048
Uhhhhh...
166
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,083
[ Bicycle bell rings ]
167
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,423
Called the
RB Burger Killer...
168
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,392
Tour bus...
169
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,060
Uh...
170
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:07,995
We...
171
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,229
Are...
172
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,464
Going to...
173
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,265
To give tours...
174
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,567
-Of...
-Pass.
175
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:16,236
Tours of
the RB Burger murders.
176
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,138
Yes!
A murder...
177
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,239
Tour...
178
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,908
Business.
Volcano factory.
179
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,944
You all worked together
to make a pretty good sentence,
180
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,846
but it takes more than that
to run a business.
181
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,848
Oh, we're doing
a business.
182
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,583
We can't do a business.
183
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,151
We have to
return this thing.
184
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,953
But that's what
they're gonna expect,
185
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:36,657
another screw-up
from the adorable knuckleheads.
186
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,326
I say we actually
do the murder tour.
187
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,794
Hmm.
188
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,096
Murder tours
are a thing.
189
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,433
Yeah. When I was in L.A. for
"Wheel of Fortune" tryouts --
190
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,601
didn't get it,
it's totally fixed,
191
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:48,802
it's all about
how well you do --
192
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,938
I did the Charles Manson
Murder Tour.
193
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:51,939
It was darling!
194
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,641
This is our chance
to show them.
195
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,309
We'll need money
to pay for the bus,
196
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,478
marketing, fuel,
sundries.
197
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,980
[ Grunts ]
It's like you already need
198
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,849
to have a successful
murder tour
199
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,284
to start
a successful murder tour.
200
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,719
This stupid country!
201
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:09,489
[ Sighs ] I know where
we can get money.
202
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:13,894
I'll be back for the ring,
so don't sell it.
203
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,629
Oh, I wouldn't
dream of it.
204
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,464
Because I can't dream.
205
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,132
Because I can't sleep.
206
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,135
Until I sell that chalice
over there.
207
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,171
[ Demonic voices ]
208
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,810
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
209
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,044
Bye.
210
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,150
We did it, guys!
We're business owners.
211
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,987
Hayley will never
underestimate me again.
212
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,655
You got that right,
buddy.
213
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,691
Also, with the purchase
of this VOSS water,
214
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,092
we're officially
out of money.
215
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,427
We need each customer
to tell 10 people
216
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,362
to come tomorrow,
or we're bankrupt.
217
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,363
Wait, what?
218
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,066
Mmm, VOSS.
219
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,335
Here come
our customers now.
220
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,870
Hello. Hi.
221
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,538
-Oh, man, VOSS!
-Welcome.
222
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,841
Yes.
Hey, Craig Robinson.
223
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,343
Don't treat me any differently
just because I'm me.
224
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,612
Keep movin',
numbnuts.
225
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,680
Thank you.
226
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,917
Now, I want to direct everyone's
attention to your right,
227
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,420
my left, where you'll catch
a final tantalizing glimpse
228
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,355
of the parking lot
we were just in.
229
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,857
We cannot
see anything.
230
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,225
The windows
are black.
231
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,061
Sun must have gone down fast,
is my first reaction.
232
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,197
The windows are tinted,
like on a limo.
233
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,198
Did it myself.
234
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,868
You put the tint on
backwards!
235
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,703
No one can see anything!
236
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,639
But Roger saves the day.
237
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,306
I've got pennies
for everyone.
238
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:37,878
Just use them to scratch out
your own personal eyeholes.
239
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,780
That's right,
the tint material comes off
240
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,381
just like a lotto scratcher.
241
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,417
Pretty fun to see all
the little shavings, huh?
242
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,119
Are we finally
ready to start?
243
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,857
Just as soon as all the pennies
are passed back to me.
244
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:57,965
* I am a lineman
here in Langley *
245
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:02,736
* And I'm a fish
whose name is Klaus *
246
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,605
* Drinking coffee
from a thermos *
247
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:11,344
* That I filled up at my house
248
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,913
[ Slurps ]
249
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,815
Ahh!
250
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,489
Now, to see where the third
RB Burger victim was found,
251
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,091
look to your left,
my right,
252
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,160
or if I turn around also to
my left, still to your left.
253
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,428
The third victim?
254
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,830
Was that
the Latvian backpacker
255
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,765
who brought the case
international attention?
256
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,533
Oh, my God.
Dude, I don't know.
257
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,768
This isn't school.
258
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,969
You're not gonna get
your dick touched
259
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,370
for asking
a bunch of questions.
260
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,107
All you keep telling us
is what number victim it is.
261
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,309
And we're on
to number four.
262
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,315
Before our look into
Langley's dark side continues,
263
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,317
we're gonna take
a bit of a huge detour
264
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,721
to see where our very own
Francine went to high school.
265
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,855
Who the hell
is Francine?
266
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,957
We want to see
murder things!
267
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:57,958
They hate the tour.
268
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,459
Well, I hate them.
269
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,328
It's hard for me to even look
at their faces,
270
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,864
as many of them
are so terribly ugly.
271
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,132
Your microphone
is still on.
272
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,900
See what I was saying,
Francine?
273
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,736
Ugly face, ugly voice.
274
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:12,005
Ugh, we're seeing basically
no good crime scenes.
275
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,875
I'm gonna leave them
the worst review.
276
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,144
I'm Christine S.
from Yelp.
277
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,312
Whoa,
the Christine S.?
278
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,715
You put my food truck
out of business.
279
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,650
Why'd you do that to him,
Christine S.?
280
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,218
Don't worry about me,
Craig Robinson.
281
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,154
My grandpa
owns Foot Locker.
282
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,822
I just need him
to die.
283
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,091
Christine S. is here.
284
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,394
A bad review from her
could shut us down forever!
285
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,329
[ Siren wailing ]
286
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,767
I'm getting an idea.
287
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,236
How much are your
police scanners?
288
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,072
No, just take it.
They're going out of business.
289
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,940
We're not
going out of business.
290
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,176
Why does everybody
think that?
291
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:49,843
[ Beeping ]
292
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,678
One wrecking ball hole
293
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,047
does not
a going-out-of-business make.
294
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,617
What second
wrecking ball hole?
295
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,452
Woman: Ugh, this is so boring.
[ Indistinct talking ]
296
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,720
This tour is lame.
297
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:03,223
You're right,
but what if I told you
298
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,626
we could go to the freshest
crime scenes there are?
299
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,628
Thanks to
this police scanner.
300
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,898
Officer:
Patrol 27, do you copy?
301
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,200
Chimdale dispatch,
do you read? Over.
302
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,368
Hopefully someone
is killed soon.
303
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,537
Officer #2: Officer Keith and I
are stopping for gas.
304
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,940
Officer #3: Copy that.
Patrolling
Weathervane Lane Estates,
305
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,142
seeing some really
incredible houses here.
306
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,877
The big,
big copy on that.
307
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,745
That's basically
my dream neighborhood.
308
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,914
We're losing the group.
309
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,548
Don't worry, I'll vamp.
310
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,551
Buhhhhhhh.
311
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,753
Attention all units,
deceased adult male discovered
312
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,389
at the Ogden Heights Complex
in East Lanceton.
313
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,059
Recent stab wound.
Suspect still at large.
314
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,963
There is, I repeat,
there is an RB Burger bag.
315
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,764
Yes!
316
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,466
Whoo!
There is a God.
317
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,968
We're on our way.
318
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,503
Who said that?
Police only on this channel.
319
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,939
Aah!
320
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,744
Now, let's keep this crime scene
secure, Officer Blatt.
321
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,512
Everyone thinks
we're incompetent
322
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:02,850
because we can't catch
this dang RB Burger killer.
323
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,018
No one's
getting in or out.
324
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,454
Mmm, now, that's what
I like to hear.
325
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,856
Whoops.
326
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,925
Whoops.
327
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,261
Just ridiculous.
328
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,430
Oh, mama!
Need fresh breath.
329
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,599
Aah!
330
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,767
[ Horse neighs ]
331
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,135
[ Grunts ]
332
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,104
Right this way.
Lift the police tape.
333
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,272
That's just
to keep out people
334
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,308
who aren't official
tour members.
335
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,944
Just fantastic.
336
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,947
Wow. This is so vivid,
so real.
337
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,983
"Real" is the password here,
my friends.
338
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,450
And don't be afraid
to touch.
339
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,286
Move the body around,
look in the mouth.
340
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,788
It's your party,
so make it yours.
341
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,456
[ All chuckle ]
342
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:47,494
This body was stabbed to death,
but there's no knife.
343
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,796
Well, if I could educate you
a little bit here.
344
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:54,167
This killer, like most killers,
used an icicle as a knife.
345
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,370
Wouldn't that leave a puddle
where the icicle knife melted?
346
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,639
Today's killers
are more sophisticated.
347
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,142
They bring a little towel
to mop the puddle up.
348
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,244
-Oh.
-Oh, that's interesting.
349
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,812
[ Ting! ]
350
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,480
Oh, five stars,
no doubt.
351
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,249
I'm telling everyone
about this tour.
352
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,518
I'm calling the guy who played
Roy from "The Office"
353
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,519
when I get home.
354
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,254
Me too!
355
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,757
[ Ringing ]
356
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,226
Hey, gang,
Klaus here.
357
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,329
I'm over in Lanceton, strapped
in and swapping a lasher.
358
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,332
Thought I'd jack us all in
for a little party-line action.
359
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,567
Anyway,
the tour's going great.
360
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,868
I don't care.
361
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,837
[ Beep ]
362
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,839
Not so fast, Stan.
363
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,175
I control everything
from up here.
364
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,278
How -- How did you make me
answer the phone?
365
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:42,782
**
366
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,851
That was a hell
of an idea, Jeff.
367
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,853
No one in the family
believed in us,
368
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,922
but look at how happy
these guys are.
369
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,724
Look at the smiles,
the energy.
370
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,226
That one has a knife.
371
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,097
Wait, what?
More good news!
372
00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:01,468
We came with 12 people,
but we're leaving with 13.
373
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,936
Bonus customer!
374
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,072
And the new guy
has a knife!
375
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,040
Could be the missing
murder weapon.
376
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,076
Wouldn't that be a coup
for the Blood Bus?
377
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,810
It's the killer,
isn't it?
378
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:15,248
**
379
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,649
Maybe.
380
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,119
Let's keep our eye on him,
see if he does anything weird.
381
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,993
Jeff: The RB Killer
is on our bus.
382
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,996
Unless it's not him.
383
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,831
Hey, how big
is your head?
384
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,400
Would it fit
in this bag?
385
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,235
Why don't we just see
if it does?
386
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,104
This is unbelievable.
I'll say.
387
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,905
Never would've thought
that thing would fit.
388
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,274
She has a massive head.
389
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,976
Do you guys think
I have a massive head?
390
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,744
Yes.
[Bleep] you.
391
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,246
We need to call
the cops.
392
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,415
But that'll ruin
our reviews.
393
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,118
Let's just drop everyone off
safely at their cars,
394
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,485
then call the cops.
395
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,155
But he could just grab
a hostage at any moment.
396
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,589
I'll handle
the killer.
397
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,426
I'll wrap him up in
my smooth tour-guide patter
398
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,195
and keep him
nice and calm.
399
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:05,932
Jeff, I got to know,
is it hard to drive a bus?
400
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,334
No, it's easy.
401
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,869
You just keep the bus
above 50 miles per hour
402
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,271
so it doesn't blow up.
403
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,805
Good news
and bad news.
404
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,474
The good news is,
I'm in love.
405
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,310
I've heard that homicidal
maniacs can be very charming,
406
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,046
and that is for real.
407
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,480
I went back there
to distract him.
408
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:24,317
He looked right into my eyes,
and I just fell.
409
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,953
As for the bad news,
why don't you tell them, lover?
410
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,989
You're all
coming with me
411
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:33,460
into the sewers
to my lair.
412
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,462
You're a killer?
Yes.
413
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,796
The RB Killer?
414
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,965
My name is Matthew,
but yes.
415
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,068
[ Crowd murmuring ]
416
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,071
Everything that's happening
is part of the tour.
417
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,638
Yes.
Yes!
418
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,008
He's just an actor
playing the murderer.
419
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,143
Oh, right.
420
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,145
Right,
I think I recognize him.
421
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,681
He was in
"Terms of Endearment."
422
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,183
It's Jack Nicholson.
423
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,650
"About Schmidt"?
424
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:01,221
Craig: Wow, these are
surprisingly roomy sewers.
425
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,755
Roger:
Little historical tidbit --
426
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,157
They almost made them wider.
427
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,559
[ Indistinct talking ]
428
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,996
[ Brakes squeak, hiss ]
429
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,399
Everybody off.
430
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,435
I like the way
this looks.
431
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,503
Oh, wow.
432
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,506
Every person I kill
is a message,
433
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,573
a prayer,
434
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,176
and when that prayer
is heard,
435
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:27,680
I believe in my heart
that RB Burger will bring back
436
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:32,685
the long-discontinued
Big Beef Blopper.
437
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,020
The Big Beef Blopper?
438
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,524
Yes, it was
a limited-time offering.
439
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,725
It's a burger.
440
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,026
Yes.
441
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,794
I really,
really want one again,
442
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,396
and it's been 10 years.
443
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,031
I even tried
to make my own,
444
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,367
but they use some kind
of celery salt
445
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,602
or taco spice
or something.
446
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:50,470
I don't know.
447
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,540
The meat was,
like, tangy.
448
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,709
Can't you just ask them to bring
the burger back on Facebook?
449
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,978
Facebook is for
racist grandmas.
450
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,280
Wait a minute.
451
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,482
This isn't
Jack Nicholson's house.
452
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:07,154
And now to sacrifice all of you
one by one
453
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:10,290
to my important cause!
454
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,159
Jeff: No!
Jeff, don't worry.
455
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,261
He can stab me up for days.
It won't kill me.
456
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,563
I'm gonna
cut your head off.
457
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,565
Uh-oh, Jeff,
my one weakness.
458
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,300
I told you that
in confidence.
459
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,601
We're through.
460
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,404
Help!
461
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,240
My tour has been taken over
by the RB Killer!
462
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,308
[ Static hissing ]
463
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,277
It won't work underground.
464
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,512
-Trying to call the cops?
-Aah!
465
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,915
Why can't you support me
in what I'm doing?
466
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:40,287
Don't you want me to have
what I want, eat what I want?
467
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,490
Someone tell my babe,
"Bye, babe."
468
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:47,660
RB Burger Corporation,
hear my plea
469
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:52,465
and bring back the Blopper
you've taken from me.
470
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,234
No!
471
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,205
I'm okay. The knife just
stabbed me in my belly.
472
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,106
Everyone,
restrain him!
473
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,841
He can't
overpower us all!
474
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,377
[ Indistinct shouting ]
475
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,813
We're saved!
476
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,718
Alright, that's a little
too much restraining.
477
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,754
Hey, that's
my boyfriend's knife.
478
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,459
Wait, wait, wait!
You're killing him!
479
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,227
Stop!
480
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,694
Let this happen.
481
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,032
Oh, my God.
They killed him!
482
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,166
Why?
483
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,501
Because we're
murder fans,
484
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,036
and this was
a once-in-a-lifetime chance
485
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,137
to Dexter this guy.
486
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,905
We have to
tell the police.
487
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,140
No, we don't.
488
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,376
He was a bad man,
and now he's dead,
489
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,811
and there's not
going to be a body.
490
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,313
Anyone have a hacksaw
on them?
491
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,250
-Yes.
-Oh, I do, too.
492
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,818
[ Sawing ]
493
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,987
I'd really like
to go home now.
494
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,358
Yeah, let's get out of here.
This place reminds me of my ex.
495
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:58,531
I don't know if you noticed
my batting glove.
496
00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,399
I did.
497
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,734
I lost the ring
you gave me.
498
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,370
Well, I didn't lose it.
499
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,538
I sold it
to start a business,
500
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,274
but then
the business failed,
501
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:10,943
even though nobody got cut
to pieces in the sewers
502
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:15,348
and all the money was gone
and the pawnshop sold the ring.
503
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,286
Oh, yeah, he, uh,
sold it to me, actually.
504
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,687
I went in there to watch
some arm wrestling
505
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,089
they were hosting
and recognized the ring.
506
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,725
So you bailed me out again?
Great.
507
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,560
Honestly, Jeff,
I'm impressed
508
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,629
that you didn't just drop it
down the toilet.
509
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,230
And I got you
something else.
510
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,933
Another gift I'll never
be able to match.
511
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,068
How wonderful.
512
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,237
Oh, man,
how did you know?
513
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,907
[ Imitating
engine revving ]
514
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:45,312
It's been three days without
an RB Burger-related murder.
515
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:50,249
So the Langley PD have declared
the case officially solved.
516
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,718
And to celebrate,
517
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,921
we are bringing back
a discontinued treat --
518
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,056
our Big Beef Blopper.
519
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,459
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
520
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,928
To die for!
521
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,796
Have a great night.
37074
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