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1
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,047
Costa Rica is so amazing, Hayles.
2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:07,877
And building houses for the poor is
super amazing.
3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,314
[ Whispering ] I am so bummed
I couldn't join you,
4
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:13,187
but I'm just about to break in
to this factory farm
5
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,189
to free the oppressed cows.
6
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,842
My intel says the cows' rights
7
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,280
are totally
gonna be violated tomorrow,
8
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:20,846
so time is of the essence.
9
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,500
You're thereal hero,
Hayley.
10
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,111
♪ Happy, happy birthday
11
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,938
♪ Your birthday is today
12
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,070
♪ Happy, happy birthday
13
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,985
♪ Enjoy your birthday cake
14
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,204
Whoa, Babe!
15
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,075
This nice family
brought you a cake.
16
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,860
What the hell?! You aren't saving animals!
17
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,949
You're at a cool-casual
dining spot!
18
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:40,301
You don't care about anyone but yourself.
Oh, come on.
19
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,477
I take my birthdayoff
from helping people
20
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,001
and suddenly I "don't care
about anyone?"
21
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,699
Wait, your birthday's not for three months.
22
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,223
[ Waiters gasp ]
23
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,138
♪ You lied about your birthday
24
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,226
♪ Give us back our cake
25
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:53,662
♪ You lied about your birthday
26
00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,272
♪ Please go drown in a lake
27
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,100
[ Blows ]
[ Clapping ]
28
00:00:57,144 --> 00:01:00,103
Babe, why don't we just
tell them it was my birthday?
29
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,974
It actually is
my birthday.
30
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,586
[ Whining ] 'Cause I wanted themto sing to me!
31
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,243
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
32
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:13,508
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
33
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,554
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
34
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:21,646
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
35
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:26,173
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
36
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,784
♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
37
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:29,959
Aah!
38
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:34,572
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
39
00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:39,316
Danuta saysI don't help people?!
40
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,275
I help peopleall the time, right?!
41
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,581
Sure, Babe.
You helped me get married.
42
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,280
[ Door opens ]Oh, man.
43
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,195
My fins are killingme.
44
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:50,719
It took me five hours to scoot
to Tuttle's house,
45
00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,504
and it turns out
he's anti-94!
46
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,854
Is Prop 94 that sex move
where the lady
47
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,205
talks into the guy's dong
like a microphone?
48
00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,641
No, that's
"the Vin Scully."
49
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,512
Langley has a law
that prohibits vaping
50
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:04,211
within 500 feet
of parks and schools.
51
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,821
But if Prop 94 passes,
52
00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:08,954
it will reduce that
to just five feet.
53
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,173
And that's...good?
54
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,522
Of course it is!
55
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,524
Teachers need to vape
the most!
56
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,526
Plus, I enjoy vaping
by the park,
57
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,180
watching
the children play.
58
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,529
Good on you, Klaus.
59
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,401
Be the change you wantto see in the world.
60
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,230
Hey, would you guys mind helping
me out and vote for Prop 94?
61
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:25,536
You know, since voting's one
of those things I can't do
62
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,798
'cause I'm not a citizen?
63
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,191
How are you
not a citizen?
64
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,584
You've been here
for six Presidents
65
00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,281
and four"Tonight Show" hosts.
66
00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,805
Well, the CIA kind of put me
in a fish body and forgot.
67
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,807
No biggie.
Just means I can't vote
68
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:38,810
or go to airports
or buy guns at gun shops.
69
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,900
I can still buy them online,
though, and at gun shows
70
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,902
and from shady dudes
on Langley Boulevard.
71
00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:46,775
Trust me,
I have a lotof guns.
72
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:49,212
Hmm...
Are you getting
an idea, Babe,
73
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,258
or do you have to fart?
74
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,389
The faces look the same.
75
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,348
Idea.
Well, both, really,
76
00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,219
but the idea's the onlyone you'll hear.
77
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,353
I am gonna help Klausbecome a citizen.
78
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,006
That'll show Danuta.Okay, cool.
79
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,226
Let's do
the citizenship thing.
80
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,446
Wait.
You've been talking to Danuta?
81
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,491
She told me she was dead!
82
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:15,630
Who's excited for our trip
to the supermarket, gang?!
83
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,936
-I am!
-Me, too!
-Wowee!
84
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:21,462
I'm gonna buy freshly-slicedcold cuts from the deli counter.
85
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:22,419
I'm gonna buy
something chilly
86
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,160
from the frozen foodaisle.
87
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,031
-Brrr!
-Huh.
88
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,294
"Farmers Market."
89
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,817
I wonder what that'sall about?
90
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,298
Pass.
That's where the farmersshop.
91
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,517
Actually, Dad,
farmers markets
92
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,607
are where farmers sell fresh
produce directly to the public.
93
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:37,695
[ Tires screech ][ Shouting ]
94
00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:39,393
Cutting out
the middleman?
95
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,525
The one thing
I hate more than farmers
96
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,875
is...middlemen.
97
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,269
It's settled.We're trying the farmers market.
98
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,184
[ Tires squeal ][ Grunts ]
99
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,055
Don't worry about him.
Crossing guards
100
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,449
are the middlemen
of the streets.
101
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,845
I am so pumped
to be a citizen.
102
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:59,761
I've already picked outmy new American name --
103
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:01,415
Ace McNasty.
104
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,460
That's not how this works,
Klaus.
105
00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:05,288
Just follow my lead.
106
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,551
One citizenship please.
107
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,074
Helping accomplished.
108
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:12,556
Mr. Heissler,you speak basic English.
109
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,079
Good.You have the body of a fish,
110
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,952
but the consciousnessof a man, so that's fine.
111
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:20,390
But you've been hereillegally for 20 years?!
112
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,870
That's a huge red flag.
113
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:22,958
Red flag?
114
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,439
Take that commie shit
back to China.
115
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:28,311
I'mall about the stars
and stripes, baby.
116
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,357
I know all the words
to Kid Rock's version
117
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,968
of "Sweet Home Alabama."
I've wantedto see
118
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:36,188
Criss Angel's Vegas magic act
over 50 times.
119
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,539
I've watched all the
"American Pie" movies.
120
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,454
Did you know
Stifler has a brother?
121
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,673
TwoStiffmeisters?!
122
00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:45,372
I wouldn't want to be
those parents.
123
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,158
You're in this countryillegally.
124
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,465
I'm sorry, sir.Your days are numbered.
125
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:54,903
And you'rea true American hero.
126
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:58,123
Thank you for snitchingon this illegal alien.
127
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,603
I wasn't snitching.
128
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,126
I was helping my friend!
129
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,519
I'm a helpful person!
130
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,912
♪ Happy, happy snitch day
131
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,522
♪ You sold out your friend
132
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:06,828
♪ Happy, happy snitch day
133
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,699
♪ His time here's
near its end ♪
134
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,222
All y'all,get out of here!
135
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,528
Get!
136
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,965
I don't know wherethey come from.
137
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,056
"Papaya."
138
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,189
That's not a word
I say every day.
139
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,626
"Kumquat?" really?
140
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,498
Got a real wiseacre
running the fruits here.
141
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,761
Wow. "Kiwis."
142
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,545
Finally someone
invented a fruit
143
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:32,375
that feels like ballsshaved exactly a week ago.
144
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:35,247
[ Gasps ] What is that?!
145
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,162
[ Slurping ]
146
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:39,948
Can you guys imagine
putting a straw
147
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,951
in one of those things
and drinking right out of it?
148
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:46,171
I'm hearing steel drum music
just thinking about it.
149
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,391
An instant vacation.
150
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,958
Excuse me, sir?
151
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,526
We'd like to purchase
one of your coco-nuts.
152
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,441
Great!
You know, for $1 more,
153
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,833
I could open it up for --
154
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,661
Not so fast
with the ripoffs, pal.
155
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,663
We can open it ourselves.
-Yeah.
156
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,404
Remember when we lost
20 bucks
157
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,928
having that guy open
our bananas?
158
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,280
Thanks to Hayley's "help,"
159
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,762
I have to go undercover
to hide from immigration.
160
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:15,418
Should I be a silly rabbi
or a serious bumblebee?
161
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,203
The costumes cost the same
on Amazon.[ Door closes ]
162
00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:20,031
Sorry about that
little setback, Klaus.
163
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,556
But when Hayley Smith says
she's gonna help,
164
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:23,861
she's gonna help.
165
00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,559
No!
No more helping.
166
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,474
Can't stop helping.
Won't stop helping.
167
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,085
I've got a new plan that'll
guarantee you citizenship.
168
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,609
You and I
are getting married!
169
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:35,830
But, Babe...
aren't wemarried?
170
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,135
Not anymore!
171
00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:39,703
I went down to the courthouse
and got us divorced.
172
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,618
Don't you needmy signature for that?
173
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,228
No.
I'm your legal guardian.
174
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,708
Oh, yeah.
175
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:45,796
And Klaus,
176
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,017
I'm your legal wife!
I already sent a copy
177
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,498
of our marriage certificate
to immigration.What?!
178
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,239
The government will never
believe we're married!
179
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:57,373
Look at me!
I'm a player for life!
180
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,505
Treat her well, man.
181
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,463
She's a special lady.
182
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:08,645
[ Sobbing loudly ]
183
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,605
[ Lighter switches ][ Bong gurgles ]
184
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:17,045
[ Crying, coughing ]
185
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:21,528
Babe...do you rememberwhy I'm crying?
186
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,622
I can't believe you told
immigration we're married.
187
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:29,623
That's fraud!
188
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,146
And not even cool fraud,
189
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,583
like buying a Mercedes
hood ornament on Etsy
190
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:34,758
and gluing it to my Saturn.
191
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,499
They're not gonna deport you,Klaus.
192
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,719
We just need to be convincingin this interview.
193
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:41,286
Interview?! When?![ Doorbell rings ]
194
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,636
Quick, they expect
married people
195
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,289
to know everything
about each other.
196
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,902
My favorite food is white rice
with lots of butter.
197
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:50,382
Hello, I'm here from theUnited States Immigration Office
198
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,733
to discuss your marriage.We would love
199
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,517
to talk
about that at length
200
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,085
andprovide
supporting documents.
201
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,695
[ Irish accent ]
Isn't that right, me love?
202
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:01,306
Her accents have alwaysdelighted me and we're married.
203
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,179
That's for sure.[ Russian accent ]
Come for to kiss.
204
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,094
[ Both smooch ]
205
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:09,184
Okay, let's startwith some easy ones.How old is Hayley?
206
00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:11,795
-19.
-47.
207
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,884
What is Klaus'favorite kind of music?
208
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,757
-Dixieland jazz?
-East Coast hip-hop.
209
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,323
What's Klaus'
favorite food?
210
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,108
Ooh! White rice
with lots of butter.
211
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,023
Hot dogs.What the hell, Klaus?!
212
00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:23,677
[ Whispering ]
I panicked.
213
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,156
Look, I can tell
you're nervous,
214
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,680
so I'm gonna cut
to the chase.
215
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,769
You're human
and you're a fish.
216
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,727
It's weird.We'll continue the process,
217
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,034
but to be honest,I'd prepare for the worst.
218
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,427
Well, I thought
this might happen.
219
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,343
Don't worry about me.
I'll leave the country.
220
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,781
In fact, I've already rented outmy alcove
221
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:41,782
to a silly rabbi --
222
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,088
Schlomo McHanukkahface.
223
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,746
Dear Lord, thank youfor providing us
224
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,574
with this island bounty.
225
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,794
Mahalo.
226
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:56,623
Hmm.
Must be a bad knife.
227
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,625
Another bad knife.
228
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,018
Anotherbad knife.
229
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,978
Anotherbad knife!
-Step aside
230
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,546
and let old
Frannie work her magic.
231
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,767
I don't get it.
That always works
with pickle jars.
232
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,900
Out of my way.
I got this.
233
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,598
Oh!
Ow!
234
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,645
Perhaps we should consult
the classic Harry Nilsson song,
235
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,864
"Lime in the Coconut,"
for tips.[ Cellphone clicking ]
236
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,825
"She put the lime in the
coconut, drank 'em both up.
237
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,304
Bellyache.
Call the doctor."
238
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,263
Hesays, "Put the lime
in the coconut."
239
00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:30,961
Bullshit! Doesn't say anything
about how to open it!
240
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,311
Andthe doctors cure
is the exact same thing
241
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,618
that upset the guy's stomach
in the first place.
242
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,012
What a wackadoo.Language!
243
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:41,624
Guys, don't let thiscoconut drive usnuts.
244
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:42,799
That's what it wants.
245
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,409
Wh-- Wh-Wh-What
are we gonna do?
246
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,847
Howare we gonna open
this coconut?!
247
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:50,851
[ Tense music plays ]
248
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,853
Well, Klaus,
you're being deported
249
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,898
and you cannot
take everything.
250
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:59,686
Goodbye, lanyard from
the 1997 AVN Awards.
251
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:03,777
Goodbye, VHS rewinder
in the shape of a Corvette.
252
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,431
[ Sighs ]
That's everything.
253
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,782
And my suitcase is empty.
254
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,697
Goodbye, suitcase.
255
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,655
Hayley: Keep your suitcase,
Klaus.
256
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,136
You again?
I have had en--
257
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,442
No one's getting deported.
258
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,314
Hayley?
Is that you?
259
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,664
Does this
answer your question?
260
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,666
[ Groans ]
261
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,930
Yes...
Yes, it does.
262
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,932
I'll let you two
lovebirds talk.
263
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:32,283
[ Screaming, sobbing ]
264
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,850
What the hell
is happening?!
265
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,113
I went to the CIA
and had Dr. Weitzman
266
00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:38,550
put me into a fish body.
You know, to make our marriage
267
00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,335
more believable
to the immigration lady.
268
00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,859
Why didn't you just
make me a human?!
Wow.
269
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,469
That would've been
a great idea.
270
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,689
If you'd mentioned it
to me yesterday!
271
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:50,475
But you didn't! So
now we got to do the
married fish thing.
272
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,391
And married fish
live in the same bowl.
273
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,959
Wait, where'smy deep-sea diver guy?
274
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,570
Oh, I got rid of that old thing
to make space for a trash can
275
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,921
so I have somewhere to put
the rest of your dumb shit.
276
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,705
Perhaps we should havea conversation
277
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,142
before we throw away thingsthat gave me decades
278
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,492
of companionshipand sexual triumphs!
279
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:11,148
Okay, sorry.
Hey, by the way, fish question?
280
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,063
I was napping in the treasure
chest yesterday
281
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,891
and all of these little pellets
fell out of me.
282
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:16,937
Is that normal?
What?!
283
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,808
[ Cheering ]
284
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,768
Why didn't you tell meyou laid eggs?!Why didn't youtell me
285
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:25,380
you jerk it
in the treasure chest?!It's called milting.
286
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:29,079
It's totallynaturaland I will
notbe shamed![ Door opens ]
287
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,734
[ Voice breaking ]Beautiful children, Babe.
288
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,997
They all have your eyes.
289
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:38,610
[ Muffled screaming ]
290
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:44,878
[ Engine revving ]
291
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,097
[ Yelling ]
Ah!
292
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:50,535
I think it just
grazed me...
293
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:51,972
[ Sighs, thuds ]
294
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:55,149
Damn you, coconuuut!
295
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:58,761
[ Francine and Stan crying ]
296
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,632
Is it even
worth it anymore?
297
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:03,897
The carnage.
The shattered lives.[ Crying ]
298
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,942
We all remember how happy
that woman looked
299
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,162
when she was drinking
from that coconut, don't we?
300
00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,816
We want to be like her,
don't we?!
301
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,818
Of course.What kind of a question
is that?!
302
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,429
Then we're gonna have
to think outside the box.
303
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,780
We're gonna smoke it out.
304
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,391
This might take some time,so we need to be patient.
305
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:25,353
Be right back.
306
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:31,925
[ Gunfire ]
307
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,927
[ Sizzling ]
308
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,016
[ Bells chime ]
309
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:38,018
Stupid coconut.[ Strains ]
310
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,107
[ Gunshots ][ Grunting ]
311
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,241
Ugh, can we go home now?
312
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:47,418
Doing errands in public makesour fish marriage seem real.
313
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,377
And so does buying
a new aquarium.
314
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,597
Did I hear somebody say"Buying a new aquarium?"
315
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:53,903
That's a real question.
316
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,819
I'm listening to a sound effectCD of a woman vacuuming.
317
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,169
Why, yes.
We did say "aquarium."
318
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:01,998
Now that my husbandand I
are legally married,
319
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,044
we need to buy one.
320
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,176
Sir, if you truly loveyour wife,
321
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,049
you won't settle for anythingless than the Atlantis.
322
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:12,182
This one was LeBron's, so it'sfilled with Sprite right now.
323
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,184
I'm not made of money.
324
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,012
Besides, I'm a 7UP man.
325
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,406
Klaus, this is
how helping works.
326
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,408
Well, then I don't
wantyour help.
327
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,541
My life was fine before.
You're making it worse!
328
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,500
I am doing this
for you, idiot!
329
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:29,069
You are suffocating me!
I can't stand you!
330
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,333
[ Monotone ] I think I've heardeverything I need to hear.[ Hayley and Klaus gasp ]
331
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,509
It's obvious you two hate
each other,
332
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:38,948
which means your marriageis definitelyreal!
333
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,645
Congratulations, sir.
334
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,778
You're gonna bea United States citizen.
335
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,084
It's happening.
336
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,043
I'm gonna be Ace McNasty.
337
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:52,570
Sign there and there.
338
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,486
Welcome to America.
339
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,445
You have 20 days
to become obese.
340
00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,013
Honey?
Hurry up with the champagne!
341
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,233
I probably shouldn't say this,
but to be honest,
342
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:07,020
I was kind of hopingthis wasa sham marriage.
343
00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:09,457
[ Quietly ] I have been thinkingabout you a lot.
344
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,677
Wait? You're...
attracted to me?
345
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,157
Sexually?!
346
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,898
Let's bone, baby!
347
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,945
But... [chuckles]
your wife?
348
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,382
What wife?
My marriage isa sham.
349
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,253
Not real
in the slightest.
350
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,038
It's go time.
Um.
351
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,779
Actually, I need about 10
minutes for my pill to kick in.
352
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,390
[ Guns cocking ]You fell
353
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,914
for the oldest trick
in the book --
354
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:34,047
a lie.
355
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,918
You're outta here.
356
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,050
And you're going with him.
357
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,486
Wait,you can't deport me!
358
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,053
I am a U.S. citizen!
359
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,054
Deported-fish-says-what.
360
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,186
Huh?You're still going.
361
00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,014
What?
Gotcha!
362
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:46,624
Freeze!
363
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931
Wait,
if I'vegot the banana,
364
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,846
that means...
365
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,153
Oh, no...
366
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:57,157
[ Monkey screeching ][ Gunshots ]
367
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,944
[ Mexican music plays ]
368
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:05,165
Buenos días, Juan Pablo.
369
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,384
Hola, Señor McNasty.
370
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,039
I made some
special guacamole
371
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,173
for my favorite deportee.
372
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,523
Mmm.I'll never figure out
373
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:18,569
how you get a chest hair
in each bite.
374
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,745
My darling Rosita.
375
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:24,010
You are not the mostbeautiful prostitute in Mexico,
376
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:26,664
but you arethe most affordable.
377
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:29,145
And I lovethat you cut my hair.
378
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,544
I love itwhen you talk dirty.
379
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,198
[ Smooches ]
380
00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:46,032
Honey,
I'm home with frrresh guaaac!
381
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,817
Shove your guac
up your ass, Klaus.
382
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,080
Why are we even here anyway?Shouldn't they have deported you
383
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,821
to Germany?
You know ICE.
384
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,650
They hear an accent --
they assume you're from Mexico.
385
00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,392
Well, I'm sick of guac.I'm sick of being a fish.
386
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,785
And I'm verynervousabout what Dr. Weitzman
387
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,614
is doing to my humanbody
back at the CIA.
388
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,574
Just gonna take out
a little loan
389
00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,446
and put a hotel
on Park Place.
390
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,672
[ Voice breaking ] I can't takeit here anymore, Klaus.
391
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:21,719
You can't see my tears becauseI'm underwater, but I'm sobbing.
392
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:26,376
I need to get outof Mexicoand back
inmy body.
393
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,379
[ Sighs ]
Listen, I know a guy in town
394
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,816
who can smuggle us
back into the U.S.
395
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,080
He's super chill.
396
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:38,258
[ Screaming metal plays ]
397
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,825
[ Bottle shatters ]Excuse me, señor?
398
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,305
[ Tires screech ]
399
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,046
Gimme all your money,
or I'll shoot you
400
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,308
in the [bleep] heads.
401
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,396
I-I don't have any.
402
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,617
Maybe we can work outsome sort of deal?
403
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,314
[ Whispering ]Hayley, seduce him.
404
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,448
Show him that crazy holeyour eggs come out of.
405
00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:58,626
[ Glass shatters ][ Tires squeal ]
406
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:01,324
We're two fish in the middle
of the desert.
407
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:04,849
We're dead. Adiós,
Meh-hico.
408
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:09,463
Rosita, you taught me so muchabout the art of lovemaking.
409
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,988
And you talked me
out of that perm.
410
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,424
And guacamole,
411
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,123
I don't know
where to start.Wait, wait, wait,
412
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,996
Klaus, did you actually
like it in Mexico?
413
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,085
Well, if I had to pick,
414
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,087
it'd be in the top...
415
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,958
one place
I've ever been.
416
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:30,353
But you need your real bodyand your real husband.
417
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:31,659
Oh, my God.
418
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:35,010
You didn't want to leave,
but you did it for me.
419
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,099
I was helping you
to prove Danuto wrong,
420
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:40,494
but you were helping me
because I needed it.
421
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:46,239
Thank you, Klaus.Oh, we're gonna get
out of this yet.
422
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:47,675
You'll see.
Ah!
423
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,764
[ Scorpion hissing ][ Screaming ] Help!
424
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,766
Help me!
Oh, no.
425
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,507
Hayley Smith has learned
her lesson.
426
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:56,379
[ Screaming continues ]My helping days are over.
427
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:59,121
[ Engine approaches ]Wait, what's that?
428
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,688
It's a truck![ Brakes squeal ]
429
00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,820
[ Garbled ]
We are saved.
430
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,043
There it is -- America.
431
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,699
Home of the Bronx Zooand many other wonderful things.
432
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,483
Including, of course,
the amazing
433
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,920
aforementioned Bronx Zoo.
434
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:16,965
[ Brakes squeal ]
435
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:19,533
Sir, please step
out of the vehicle.
436
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,366
Quick, hide in the fruit.But we need water,
don't we?
437
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,020
Trust me.
I have an idea.
438
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,981
Well, if loving soda
was a crime,
439
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:36,158
this gentleman would be
in deep bubbles.
440
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,986
[ Chuckles ]
Hey...
441
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:41,859
I should save my best ha-ha's
for when I'm feeling blue.
442
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,992
Yeah.
I'll put 'em in a notebook
443
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,168
called, "Lem's Gems."
444
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,127
I'm Lem, by the way.
445
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:54,655
We've exhausted all conventionalcoconut opening options.
446
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,571
It's time to embrace
the Dark Arts.[ Motorcycle revs ]
447
00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:01,357
Criss Angel: ♪ I am
the Mindfreak...Mindfreak...♪
448
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:03,185
♪ Mindfreak...
449
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,535
TheCriss Angel.
450
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,538
The freakiest magicianon the planet.
451
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:11,454
[ Engine whirring ]
452
00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,413
♪ Are you ready...are you
ready...are you ready? ♪
453
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:18,461
[ Shouting ] Who's ready to get
their minds bloooooown?!
454
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,202
Me, me. I am.
455
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,335
[ Oohing ]
456
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:25,642
Sir, please inspect
the box.
457
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,818
It's solid.
No trapdoors.
458
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,690
Nothing underneath.
Correct?
459
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,260
It's a regular box,
Criss with two S's.
460
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,915
Now let's see what happens
when we put a regular coconut
461
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,917
in this regular box.
462
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,876
♪♪
463
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:45,271
And slice through it
with a regular blade!
464
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:50,363
[ "Mindfreak" theme music
continues ][ Monitor beeping ]
465
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,234
[ Gasping ]
466
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,803
[ Monitor beeping quickly ]
467
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,239
[ Cheering ]
468
00:19:57,283 --> 00:20:00,111
Francine: Coco-nut!
469
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,591
That's right everybody.
470
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,637
The entire
Hayley and Klaus story
471
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,118
took place
beforethe coconut story.
472
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:10,513
And Hayley and Klaus
were insidethe coconut
473
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,298
the whole time!
474
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:16,476
[ Shouting ] Mindfreeeaaak!
475
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,955
-Wowza.
-Holy moly!
476
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,088
Good thing the steamroller
didn't work.
477
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:22,395
Oh, yeah!
478
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,527
Mindfreak, baby!
479
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:26,268
[ Cheering ]
480
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,270
[ Engine revving ]
481
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:31,839
[ Theme music continues ]Criss Angel: Mindfreeeaaak!
482
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:35,973
Off he goes to Planet Hollywood
in Las Vegas, where he lives.
483
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:39,107
And under the terms
of his contract,
484
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,282
will die.
485
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,502
But I am happy to be home,
486
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,634
even if I am not a citizen.
487
00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,636
You want to be a citizen?
Why didn't you ask me?
488
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,552
CIA agents can grant
anyone citizenship.
489
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,293
Ace McNasty,
490
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,904
I hereby dub
you an American.
491
00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:55,906
[ Cheering ]
492
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:58,866
Excuse me, has, uh,
anybody seen my eyeliner?
493
00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:02,173
I think it fell out of my pocketwhile I was Mindfreaking.
494
00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:03,958
Bye-bye. See you soon.
36090
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