All language subtitles for American Dad (2005) S17E06 One Fish, Two Fish (1080p AMZN Webrip x265 10bit EAC3 5.1 - Goki)[TAoE]_Subtitles01.ENG

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,047 Costa Rica is so amazing, Hayles. 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:07,877 And building houses for the poor is super amazing. 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,314 [ Whispering ] I am so bummed I couldn't join you, 4 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:13,187 but I'm just about to break in to this factory farm 5 00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,189 to free the oppressed cows. 6 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,842 My intel says the cows' rights 7 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,280 are totally gonna be violated tomorrow, 8 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:20,846 so time is of the essence. 9 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,500 You're thereal hero, Hayley. 10 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,111 ♪ Happy, happy birthday 11 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,938 ♪ Your birthday is today 12 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,070 ♪ Happy, happy birthday 13 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,985 ♪ Enjoy your birthday cake 14 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,204 Whoa, Babe! 15 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,075 This nice family brought you a cake. 16 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,860 What the hell?! You aren't saving animals! 17 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,949 You're at a cool-casual dining spot! 18 00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:40,301 You don't care about anyone but yourself. Oh, come on. 19 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,477 I take my birthdayoff from helping people 20 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,001 and suddenly I "don't care about anyone?" 21 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,699 Wait, your birthday's not for three months. 22 00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,223 [ Waiters gasp ] 23 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,138 ♪ You lied about your birthday 24 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,226 ♪ Give us back our cake 25 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:53,662 ♪ You lied about your birthday 26 00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,272 ♪ Please go drown in a lake 27 00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,100 [ Blows ] [ Clapping ] 28 00:00:57,144 --> 00:01:00,103 Babe, why don't we just tell them it was my birthday? 29 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,974 It actually is my birthday. 30 00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,586 [ Whining ] 'Cause I wanted themto sing to me! 31 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,243 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 32 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:13,508 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 33 00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,554 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 34 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:21,646 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 35 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:26,173 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 36 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,784 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 37 00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:29,959 Aah! 38 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:34,572 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 39 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:39,316 Danuta saysI don't help people?! 40 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,275 I help peopleall the time, right?! 41 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,581 Sure, Babe. You helped me get married. 42 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,280 [ Door opens ]Oh, man. 43 00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,195 My fins are killingme. 44 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:50,719 It took me five hours to scoot to Tuttle's house, 45 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,504 and it turns out he's anti-94! 46 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,854 Is Prop 94 that sex move where the lady 47 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,205 talks into the guy's dong like a microphone? 48 00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,641 No, that's "the Vin Scully." 49 00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,512 Langley has a law that prohibits vaping 50 00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:04,211 within 500 feet of parks and schools. 51 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,821 But if Prop 94 passes, 52 00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:08,954 it will reduce that to just five feet. 53 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,173 And that's...good? 54 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,522 Of course it is! 55 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,524 Teachers need to vape the most! 56 00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,526 Plus, I enjoy vaping by the park, 57 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,180 watching the children play. 58 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,529 Good on you, Klaus. 59 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,401 Be the change you wantto see in the world. 60 00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,230 Hey, would you guys mind helping me out and vote for Prop 94? 61 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:25,536 You know, since voting's one of those things I can't do 62 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,798 'cause I'm not a citizen? 63 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,191 How are you not a citizen? 64 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,584 You've been here for six Presidents 65 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,281 and four"Tonight Show" hosts. 66 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,805 Well, the CIA kind of put me in a fish body and forgot. 67 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,807 No biggie. Just means I can't vote 68 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:38,810 or go to airports or buy guns at gun shops. 69 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,900 I can still buy them online, though, and at gun shows 70 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,902 and from shady dudes on Langley Boulevard. 71 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:46,775 Trust me, I have a lotof guns. 72 00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:49,212 Hmm... Are you getting an idea, Babe, 73 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,258 or do you have to fart? 74 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,389 The faces look the same. 75 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,348 Idea. Well, both, really, 76 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,219 but the idea's the onlyone you'll hear. 77 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,353 I am gonna help Klausbecome a citizen. 78 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,006 That'll show Danuta.Okay, cool. 79 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,226 Let's do the citizenship thing. 80 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,446 Wait. You've been talking to Danuta? 81 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,491 She told me she was dead! 82 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:15,630 Who's excited for our trip to the supermarket, gang?! 83 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,936 -I am! -Me, too! -Wowee! 84 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:21,462 I'm gonna buy freshly-slicedcold cuts from the deli counter. 85 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:22,419 I'm gonna buy something chilly 86 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,160 from the frozen foodaisle. 87 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,031 -Brrr! -Huh. 88 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,294 "Farmers Market." 89 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,817 I wonder what that'sall about? 90 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,298 Pass. That's where the farmersshop. 91 00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,517 Actually, Dad, farmers markets 92 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,607 are where farmers sell fresh produce directly to the public. 93 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:37,695 [ Tires screech ][ Shouting ] 94 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:39,393 Cutting out the middleman? 95 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,525 The one thing I hate more than farmers 96 00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,875 is...middlemen. 97 00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,269 It's settled.We're trying the farmers market. 98 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,184 [ Tires squeal ][ Grunts ] 99 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,055 Don't worry about him. Crossing guards 100 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,449 are the middlemen of the streets. 101 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,845 I am so pumped to be a citizen. 102 00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:59,761 I've already picked outmy new American name -- 103 00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:01,415 Ace McNasty. 104 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,460 That's not how this works, Klaus. 105 00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:05,288 Just follow my lead. 106 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,551 One citizenship please. 107 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,074 Helping accomplished. 108 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:12,556 Mr. Heissler,you speak basic English. 109 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,079 Good.You have the body of a fish, 110 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,952 but the consciousnessof a man, so that's fine. 111 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:20,390 But you've been hereillegally for 20 years?! 112 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,870 That's a huge red flag. 113 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:22,958 Red flag? 114 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,439 Take that commie shit back to China. 115 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:28,311 I'mall about the stars and stripes, baby. 116 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,357 I know all the words to Kid Rock's version 117 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,968 of "Sweet Home Alabama." I've wantedto see 118 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:36,188 Criss Angel's Vegas magic act over 50 times. 119 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,539 I've watched all the "American Pie" movies. 120 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,454 Did you know Stifler has a brother? 121 00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,673 TwoStiffmeisters?! 122 00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:45,372 I wouldn't want to be those parents. 123 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,158 You're in this countryillegally. 124 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,465 I'm sorry, sir.Your days are numbered. 125 00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:54,903 And you'rea true American hero. 126 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:58,123 Thank you for snitchingon this illegal alien. 127 00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,603 I wasn't snitching. 128 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,126 I was helping my friend! 129 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,519 I'm a helpful person! 130 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,912 ♪ Happy, happy snitch day 131 00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,522 ♪ You sold out your friend 132 00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:06,828 ♪ Happy, happy snitch day 133 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,699 ♪ His time here's near its end ♪ 134 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,222 All y'all,get out of here! 135 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,528 Get! 136 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,965 I don't know wherethey come from. 137 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,056 "Papaya." 138 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,189 That's not a word I say every day. 139 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,626 "Kumquat?" really? 140 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,498 Got a real wiseacre running the fruits here. 141 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,761 Wow. "Kiwis." 142 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,545 Finally someone invented a fruit 143 00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:32,375 that feels like ballsshaved exactly a week ago. 144 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:35,247 [ Gasps ] What is that?! 145 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,162 [ Slurping ] 146 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:39,948 Can you guys imagine putting a straw 147 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,951 in one of those things and drinking right out of it? 148 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:46,171 I'm hearing steel drum music just thinking about it. 149 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,391 An instant vacation. 150 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,958 Excuse me, sir? 151 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,526 We'd like to purchase one of your coco-nuts. 152 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,441 Great! You know, for $1 more, 153 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,833 I could open it up for -- 154 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,661 Not so fast with the ripoffs, pal. 155 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,663 We can open it ourselves. -Yeah. 156 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,404 Remember when we lost 20 bucks 157 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,928 having that guy open our bananas? 158 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,280 Thanks to Hayley's "help," 159 00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,762 I have to go undercover to hide from immigration. 160 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:15,418 Should I be a silly rabbi or a serious bumblebee? 161 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,203 The costumes cost the same on Amazon.[ Door closes ] 162 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:20,031 Sorry about that little setback, Klaus. 163 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,556 But when Hayley Smith says she's gonna help, 164 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:23,861 she's gonna help. 165 00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,559 No! No more helping. 166 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,474 Can't stop helping. Won't stop helping. 167 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,085 I've got a new plan that'll guarantee you citizenship. 168 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,609 You and I are getting married! 169 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:35,830 But, Babe... aren't wemarried? 170 00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,135 Not anymore! 171 00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:39,703 I went down to the courthouse and got us divorced. 172 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,618 Don't you needmy signature for that? 173 00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,228 No. I'm your legal guardian. 174 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,708 Oh, yeah. 175 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:45,796 And Klaus, 176 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,017 I'm your legal wife! I already sent a copy 177 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,498 of our marriage certificate to immigration.What?! 178 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,239 The government will never believe we're married! 179 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:57,373 Look at me! I'm a player for life! 180 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,505 Treat her well, man. 181 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,463 She's a special lady. 182 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:08,645 [ Sobbing loudly ] 183 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,605 [ Lighter switches ][ Bong gurgles ] 184 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:17,045 [ Crying, coughing ] 185 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:21,528 Babe...do you rememberwhy I'm crying? 186 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,622 I can't believe you told immigration we're married. 187 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:29,623 That's fraud! 188 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,146 And not even cool fraud, 189 00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,583 like buying a Mercedes hood ornament on Etsy 190 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:34,758 and gluing it to my Saturn. 191 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,499 They're not gonna deport you,Klaus. 192 00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,719 We just need to be convincingin this interview. 193 00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:41,286 Interview?! When?![ Doorbell rings ] 194 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,636 Quick, they expect married people 195 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,289 to know everything about each other. 196 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,902 My favorite food is white rice with lots of butter. 197 00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:50,382 Hello, I'm here from theUnited States Immigration Office 198 00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,733 to discuss your marriage.We would love 199 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,517 to talk about that at length 200 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,085 andprovide supporting documents. 201 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,695 [ Irish accent ] Isn't that right, me love? 202 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:01,306 Her accents have alwaysdelighted me and we're married. 203 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,179 That's for sure.[ Russian accent ] Come for to kiss. 204 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,094 [ Both smooch ] 205 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:09,184 Okay, let's startwith some easy ones.How old is Hayley? 206 00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:11,795 -19. -47. 207 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,884 What is Klaus'favorite kind of music? 208 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,757 -Dixieland jazz? -East Coast hip-hop. 209 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,323 What's Klaus' favorite food? 210 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,108 Ooh! White rice with lots of butter. 211 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,023 Hot dogs.What the hell, Klaus?! 212 00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:23,677 [ Whispering ] I panicked. 213 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,156 Look, I can tell you're nervous, 214 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,680 so I'm gonna cut to the chase. 215 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,769 You're human and you're a fish. 216 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,727 It's weird.We'll continue the process, 217 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,034 but to be honest,I'd prepare for the worst. 218 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,427 Well, I thought this might happen. 219 00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,343 Don't worry about me. I'll leave the country. 220 00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,781 In fact, I've already rented outmy alcove 221 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:41,782 to a silly rabbi -- 222 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,088 Schlomo McHanukkahface. 223 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,746 Dear Lord, thank youfor providing us 224 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,574 with this island bounty. 225 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,794 Mahalo. 226 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:56,623 Hmm. Must be a bad knife. 227 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,625 Another bad knife. 228 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,018 Anotherbad knife. 229 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,978 Anotherbad knife! -Step aside 230 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,546 and let old Frannie work her magic. 231 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,767 I don't get it. That always works with pickle jars. 232 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,900 Out of my way. I got this. 233 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,598 Oh! Ow! 234 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,645 Perhaps we should consult the classic Harry Nilsson song, 235 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,864 "Lime in the Coconut," for tips.[ Cellphone clicking ] 236 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,825 "She put the lime in the coconut, drank 'em both up. 237 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,304 Bellyache. Call the doctor." 238 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,263 Hesays, "Put the lime in the coconut." 239 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:30,961 Bullshit! Doesn't say anything about how to open it! 240 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,311 Andthe doctors cure is the exact same thing 241 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,618 that upset the guy's stomach in the first place. 242 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,012 What a wackadoo.Language! 243 00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:41,624 Guys, don't let thiscoconut drive usnuts. 244 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:42,799 That's what it wants. 245 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,409 Wh-- Wh-Wh-What are we gonna do? 246 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,847 Howare we gonna open this coconut?! 247 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:50,851 [ Tense music plays ] 248 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,853 Well, Klaus, you're being deported 249 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,898 and you cannot take everything. 250 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:59,686 Goodbye, lanyard from the 1997 AVN Awards. 251 00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:03,777 Goodbye, VHS rewinder in the shape of a Corvette. 252 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,431 [ Sighs ] That's everything. 253 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,782 And my suitcase is empty. 254 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,697 Goodbye, suitcase. 255 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,655 Hayley: Keep your suitcase, Klaus. 256 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,136 You again? I have had en-- 257 00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,442 No one's getting deported. 258 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,314 Hayley? Is that you? 259 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,664 Does this answer your question? 260 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,666 [ Groans ] 261 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,930 Yes... Yes, it does. 262 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,932 I'll let you two lovebirds talk. 263 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:32,283 [ Screaming, sobbing ] 264 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,850 What the hell is happening?! 265 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,113 I went to the CIA and had Dr. Weitzman 266 00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:38,550 put me into a fish body. You know, to make our marriage 267 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,335 more believable to the immigration lady. 268 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,859 Why didn't you just make me a human?! Wow. 269 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,469 That would've been a great idea. 270 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,689 If you'd mentioned it to me yesterday! 271 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:50,475 But you didn't! So now we got to do the married fish thing. 272 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,391 And married fish live in the same bowl. 273 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,959 Wait, where'smy deep-sea diver guy? 274 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,570 Oh, I got rid of that old thing to make space for a trash can 275 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,921 so I have somewhere to put the rest of your dumb shit. 276 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,705 Perhaps we should havea conversation 277 00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,142 before we throw away thingsthat gave me decades 278 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,492 of companionshipand sexual triumphs! 279 00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:11,148 Okay, sorry. Hey, by the way, fish question? 280 00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,063 I was napping in the treasure chest yesterday 281 00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,891 and all of these little pellets fell out of me. 282 00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:16,937 Is that normal? What?! 283 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,808 [ Cheering ] 284 00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,768 Why didn't you tell meyou laid eggs?!Why didn't youtell me 285 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:25,380 you jerk it in the treasure chest?!It's called milting. 286 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:29,079 It's totallynaturaland I will notbe shamed![ Door opens ] 287 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,734 [ Voice breaking ]Beautiful children, Babe. 288 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,997 They all have your eyes. 289 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:38,610 [ Muffled screaming ] 290 00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:44,878 [ Engine revving ] 291 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,097 [ Yelling ] Ah! 292 00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:50,535 I think it just grazed me... 293 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:51,972 [ Sighs, thuds ] 294 00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:55,149 Damn you, coconuuut! 295 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:58,761 [ Francine and Stan crying ] 296 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,632 Is it even worth it anymore? 297 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:03,897 The carnage. The shattered lives.[ Crying ] 298 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,942 We all remember how happy that woman looked 299 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,162 when she was drinking from that coconut, don't we? 300 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,816 We want to be like her, don't we?! 301 00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,818 Of course.What kind of a question is that?! 302 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,429 Then we're gonna have to think outside the box. 303 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,780 We're gonna smoke it out. 304 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,391 This might take some time,so we need to be patient. 305 00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:25,353 Be right back. 306 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:31,925 [ Gunfire ] 307 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,927 [ Sizzling ] 308 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,016 [ Bells chime ] 309 00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:38,018 Stupid coconut.[ Strains ] 310 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,107 [ Gunshots ][ Grunting ] 311 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,241 Ugh, can we go home now? 312 00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:47,418 Doing errands in public makesour fish marriage seem real. 313 00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,377 And so does buying a new aquarium. 314 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,597 Did I hear somebody say"Buying a new aquarium?" 315 00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:53,903 That's a real question. 316 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,819 I'm listening to a sound effectCD of a woman vacuuming. 317 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,169 Why, yes. We did say "aquarium." 318 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:01,998 Now that my husbandand I are legally married, 319 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,044 we need to buy one. 320 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,176 Sir, if you truly loveyour wife, 321 00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,049 you won't settle for anythingless than the Atlantis. 322 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:12,182 This one was LeBron's, so it'sfilled with Sprite right now. 323 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,184 I'm not made of money. 324 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,012 Besides, I'm a 7UP man. 325 00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,406 Klaus, this is how helping works. 326 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,408 Well, then I don't wantyour help. 327 00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,541 My life was fine before. You're making it worse! 328 00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,500 I am doing this for you, idiot! 329 00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:29,069 You are suffocating me! I can't stand you! 330 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,333 [ Monotone ] I think I've heardeverything I need to hear.[ Hayley and Klaus gasp ] 331 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,509 It's obvious you two hate each other, 332 00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:38,948 which means your marriageis definitelyreal! 333 00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,645 Congratulations, sir. 334 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,778 You're gonna bea United States citizen. 335 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,084 It's happening. 336 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,043 I'm gonna be Ace McNasty. 337 00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:52,570 Sign there and there. 338 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,486 Welcome to America. 339 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,445 You have 20 days to become obese. 340 00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,013 Honey? Hurry up with the champagne! 341 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,233 I probably shouldn't say this, but to be honest, 342 00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:07,020 I was kind of hopingthis wasa sham marriage. 343 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:09,457 [ Quietly ] I have been thinkingabout you a lot. 344 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,677 Wait? You're... attracted to me? 345 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,157 Sexually?! 346 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,898 Let's bone, baby! 347 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,945 But... [chuckles] your wife? 348 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,382 What wife? My marriage isa sham. 349 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,253 Not real in the slightest. 350 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,038 It's go time. Um. 351 00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,779 Actually, I need about 10 minutes for my pill to kick in. 352 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,390 [ Guns cocking ]You fell 353 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,914 for the oldest trick in the book -- 354 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:34,047 a lie. 355 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,918 You're outta here. 356 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,050 And you're going with him. 357 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,486 Wait,you can't deport me! 358 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,053 I am a U.S. citizen! 359 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,054 Deported-fish-says-what. 360 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,186 Huh?You're still going. 361 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,014 What? Gotcha! 362 00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:46,624 Freeze! 363 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931 Wait, if I'vegot the banana, 364 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,846 that means... 365 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,153 Oh, no... 366 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:57,157 [ Monkey screeching ][ Gunshots ] 367 00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,944 [ Mexican music plays ] 368 00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:05,165 Buenos días, Juan Pablo. 369 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,384 Hola, Señor McNasty. 370 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,039 I made some special guacamole 371 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,173 for my favorite deportee. 372 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,523 Mmm.I'll never figure out 373 00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:18,569 how you get a chest hair in each bite. 374 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,745 My darling Rosita. 375 00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:24,010 You are not the mostbeautiful prostitute in Mexico, 376 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:26,664 but you arethe most affordable. 377 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:29,145 And I lovethat you cut my hair. 378 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,544 I love itwhen you talk dirty. 379 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,198 [ Smooches ] 380 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:46,032 Honey, I'm home with frrresh guaaac! 381 00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,817 Shove your guac up your ass, Klaus. 382 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,080 Why are we even here anyway?Shouldn't they have deported you 383 00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,821 to Germany? You know ICE. 384 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,650 They hear an accent -- they assume you're from Mexico. 385 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,392 Well, I'm sick of guac.I'm sick of being a fish. 386 00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,785 And I'm verynervousabout what Dr. Weitzman 387 00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,614 is doing to my humanbody back at the CIA. 388 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,574 Just gonna take out a little loan 389 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,446 and put a hotel on Park Place. 390 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,672 [ Voice breaking ] I can't takeit here anymore, Klaus. 391 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:21,719 You can't see my tears becauseI'm underwater, but I'm sobbing. 392 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:26,376 I need to get outof Mexicoand back inmy body. 393 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,379 [ Sighs ] Listen, I know a guy in town 394 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,816 who can smuggle us back into the U.S. 395 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,080 He's super chill. 396 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:38,258 [ Screaming metal plays ] 397 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,825 [ Bottle shatters ]Excuse me, señor? 398 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,305 [ Tires screech ] 399 00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,046 Gimme all your money, or I'll shoot you 400 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,308 in the [bleep] heads. 401 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,396 I-I don't have any. 402 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,617 Maybe we can work outsome sort of deal? 403 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,314 [ Whispering ]Hayley, seduce him. 404 00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,448 Show him that crazy holeyour eggs come out of. 405 00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:58,626 [ Glass shatters ][ Tires squeal ] 406 00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:01,324 We're two fish in the middle of the desert. 407 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:04,849 We're dead. Adiós, Meh-hico. 408 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:09,463 Rosita, you taught me so muchabout the art of lovemaking. 409 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,988 And you talked me out of that perm. 410 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,424 And guacamole, 411 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,123 I don't know where to start.Wait, wait, wait, 412 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,996 Klaus, did you actually like it in Mexico? 413 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,085 Well, if I had to pick, 414 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,087 it'd be in the top... 415 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,958 one place I've ever been. 416 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:30,353 But you need your real bodyand your real husband. 417 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:31,659 Oh, my God. 418 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:35,010 You didn't want to leave, but you did it for me. 419 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,099 I was helping you to prove Danuto wrong, 420 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:40,494 but you were helping me because I needed it. 421 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:46,239 Thank you, Klaus.Oh, we're gonna get out of this yet. 422 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:47,675 You'll see. Ah! 423 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,764 [ Scorpion hissing ][ Screaming ] Help! 424 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,766 Help me! Oh, no. 425 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,507 Hayley Smith has learned her lesson. 426 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:56,379 [ Screaming continues ]My helping days are over. 427 00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:59,121 [ Engine approaches ]Wait, what's that? 428 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,688 It's a truck![ Brakes squeal ] 429 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,820 [ Garbled ] We are saved. 430 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,043 There it is -- America. 431 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,699 Home of the Bronx Zooand many other wonderful things. 432 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,483 Including, of course, the amazing 433 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,920 aforementioned Bronx Zoo. 434 00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:16,965 [ Brakes squeal ] 435 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:19,533 Sir, please step out of the vehicle. 436 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,366 Quick, hide in the fruit.But we need water, don't we? 437 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,020 Trust me. I have an idea. 438 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,981 Well, if loving soda was a crime, 439 00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:36,158 this gentleman would be in deep bubbles. 440 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,986 [ Chuckles ] Hey... 441 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:41,859 I should save my best ha-ha's for when I'm feeling blue. 442 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,992 Yeah. I'll put 'em in a notebook 443 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,168 called, "Lem's Gems." 444 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,127 I'm Lem, by the way. 445 00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:54,655 We've exhausted all conventionalcoconut opening options. 446 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,571 It's time to embrace the Dark Arts.[ Motorcycle revs ] 447 00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:01,357 Criss Angel: ♪ I am the Mindfreak...Mindfreak...♪ 448 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:03,185 ♪ Mindfreak... 449 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,535 TheCriss Angel. 450 00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,538 The freakiest magicianon the planet. 451 00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:11,454 [ Engine whirring ] 452 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,413 ♪ Are you ready...are you ready...are you ready? ♪ 453 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:18,461 [ Shouting ] Who's ready to get their minds bloooooown?! 454 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,202 Me, me. I am. 455 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,335 [ Oohing ] 456 00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:25,642 Sir, please inspect the box. 457 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,818 It's solid. No trapdoors. 458 00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,690 Nothing underneath. Correct? 459 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,260 It's a regular box, Criss with two S's. 460 00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,915 Now let's see what happens when we put a regular coconut 461 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,917 in this regular box. 462 00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,876 ♪♪ 463 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:45,271 And slice through it with a regular blade! 464 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:50,363 [ "Mindfreak" theme music continues ][ Monitor beeping ] 465 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,234 [ Gasping ] 466 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,803 [ Monitor beeping quickly ] 467 00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,239 [ Cheering ] 468 00:19:57,283 --> 00:20:00,111 Francine: Coco-nut! 469 00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,591 That's right everybody. 470 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,637 The entire Hayley and Klaus story 471 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,118 took place beforethe coconut story. 472 00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:10,513 And Hayley and Klaus were insidethe coconut 473 00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,298 the whole time! 474 00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:16,476 [ Shouting ] Mindfreeeaaak! 475 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,955 -Wowza. -Holy moly! 476 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,088 Good thing the steamroller didn't work. 477 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:22,395 Oh, yeah! 478 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,527 Mindfreak, baby! 479 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:26,268 [ Cheering ] 480 00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,270 [ Engine revving ] 481 00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:31,839 [ Theme music continues ]Criss Angel: Mindfreeeaaak! 482 00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:35,973 Off he goes to Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, where he lives. 483 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:39,107 And under the terms of his contract, 484 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,282 will die. 485 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,502 But I am happy to be home, 486 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,634 even if I am not a citizen. 487 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,636 You want to be a citizen? Why didn't you ask me? 488 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,552 CIA agents can grant anyone citizenship. 489 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,293 Ace McNasty, 490 00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,904 I hereby dub you an American. 491 00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:55,906 [ Cheering ] 492 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:58,866 Excuse me, has, uh, anybody seen my eyeliner? 493 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:02,173 I think it fell out of my pocketwhile I was Mindfreaking. 494 00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:03,958 Bye-bye. See you soon. 36090

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.