Original subtitles

- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -

I got a letter inviting me to a college interview,

from a college I didn't remember applying to.

And then I did remember writing an essay

about confessing to covering up a murder.

I didn't mean to send it. Somebody else did.

And I got the interview.

It's a crazy world, right?

So, anyway, I have a college interview today.

- I have to go. - Yeah.

- I can't miss it. - Well, I'll be sure to tell the doctor.

I mean, I know I have some marks on my record,

and I've... I've had a lot of struggles,

but I guess my hope would be to start over.

You know, to be the person that I know I can be.

I think you'll find a lot of kids at a school for the arts like ours

have had challenging high school experiences.

And they come into their own in college.

Yeah, I mean, like, there's more to me that people don't know yet.

- Your work is very good. - Thank you.

Tell me about the guns. You make them look, um...

elegant.

I think guns can be beautiful.

The way they look, along with what they can do.

It's...

I mean, you can be attracted to them.

Do you think that's...

healthy?

No. The fact that I put it in a picture

doesn't mean I think it's a good thing.

It's...

... it's a picture that I needed to take.

That I needed people to see.

I'm actually... I'm scared of guns.

And... and I think they're beautiful.

You know? And I think a lot of people talk about...

kids are angry, kids are sick, kids are violent.

But we don't talk about the more complicated things

like the fact that we are attracted to guns.

I mean, some people are disgusted by them, for sure.

But some of us are attracted, like, drawn to them.

And these pictures are meant to get people thinking,

you know, about why.

... about the possibility of self-harm more than anything.

Are you?

Concerned about the possibility of self-harm?

I think it's not a bad idea

that we continue observation for a period of time.

From the police reports,

it does appear that some sort of breakdown took place at the school.

The drill was incredibly stressful,

and not just for Clay.

Hey.

How do you feel?

They're gonna keep me here, aren't they?

Yeah.

I was arguing about it with them.

I was... I was yelling about it a minute ago.

So I guess...

congrats. You are full-on the good son.

Dude, come...

Come on, man.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that...

that I haven't been there to help you.

I'm sorry that shit's so wrong.

I'm not crazy.

I'm just scared.

Yeah, man.

It's troubling, but I do think we have to trust the process.

I am too.

Do you, uh, want me to stay with you today?

No.

I know a doctor you can stay in close touch with

until his release.

I'm kind of...

embarrassed.

- Good morning, sunshine. - Hi.

Dad, we talked about "sunshine".

See, classic Clay. He's fine.

The doctors would feel more comfortable

if they kept an eye on you for just a little while longer. Okay?

"Okay", as in I get a vote?

We'll get you out of here as soon as we can.

I gotta figure out what's up with Clay.

People are blaming me

like I had something to do with this drill. It's crazy.

No one thinks you had anything to do with that drill.

Or that crazy motherfucker Clay.

Hey, don't call him crazy.

I'm sorry.

Just come back to bed.

Hey, where you at?

- Huh? - What?

Mm.

Oh, my God.

That Latin lover thing is such a trope, Diego.

It... The what now?

- Oh, you really don't know? - No.

You're so pretty.

Hello?

Oh, shit! I, uh... I forgot that Ani's back today.

- Achola? - Yep, yep.

She lives here sometimes. You gotta get out of here.

- Come on. - What? I got no clothes.

Here, just come on, go.

- Go! - I got no clothes!

Go! Get dressed on your way out! Go! Oh, sorry!

- Good morning. - Hi! Welcome back.

I think Jessica Davis knows.

See, look here.

Monty and someone are writing back and forth using a number.

"Twenty-one basically told me he did it.

Twenty-one, using the drugs Bryce gave him".

So I guessed.

What if that's a jersey number?

Twenty-one.

Twenty-one.

Justin Foley.

Diego is gonna try to get it out of Zach today.

And you think Jessica knows?

She has to.

I don't think she would lie to me.

- To protect her boyfriend? - I just...

I thought we were friends.

Me and her.

Bolan thinks it was more than the lockdown.

He's still under observation.

They did an initial evaluation, and he's not psychotic.

So they're in crisis management to see if they need to commit him.

They don't think he needs inpatient?

Don't know yet.

And I don't know if it's just about the drill, or...

- Well, what else would it be about? - Well...

I've been wanting to ask you a few things about the Walker case.

The Walker case?

Yeah, I'm just...

dotting the I's and all that.

Making sure we have the whole picture.

And since there's no audio or video

from the Achola girl's statement,

I was hoping you could help me out with a few questions.

Yeah.

The officers subdued him.

Clay had a gun in his hand!

They beat the shit out of him.

Jessica, Clay was violently upset.

He was not coherent, and he was armed.

The officers had to respond.

We were all violently upset.

We were fucking terrified!

Right. The intent of the drill

was to evaluate student and staff response

to an actual crisis.

Whatever the intent was,

the response is that we were fucking freaked out.

And now we're pissed off. Everyone is.

I thought you and I agreed safety was the priority.

Do you really think that Clay is safer now?

I'm sorry about Clay.

I really am.

But I think there's more going on there than just a lockdown.

There's a petition going around saying that I should resign.

That I wanted this crazy drill,

and the cameras, and the metal detectors.

Nobody knows about our conversations.

But they know that I haven't spoken up.

Do you think you should?

Speak up?

Do you think it would make things better or worse?

You know, they asked me at my interview this morning...

They asked me, "What's the most stressful situation

you've faced in your time here?"

Of all the things I could have said,

all the fucked-up shit that's happened,

you know what I thought of?

You.

You and Clay.

Wondering if my friends are really just that: friends.

Wondering if I'm gonna lose them or...

or if they're gonna give up on me.

I guess I know now.

No one's giving up on you, Tyler.

But what is going on? Why were you shopping for guns?

Do you think the last year, everything we've been through,

does that all just mean nothing to you?

Do you think I can, just like that, just go back to where I was,

just where I was before you guys all reached out and helped me?

Before I worked so hard to get better?

- You think all of that can just go away? - I hope not.

Then why go through my stuff?

I was doing what I thought was the right thing.

You could have ruined my life.

Hey.

Winston said you guys bonded during the lockdown yesterday.

Mostly just got stoned.

No, he said you got some shit off your chest.

Some very interesting shit.

The fuck do you want?

Tell me the story.

Sounds like you've already heard it.

I think you're protecting one of your friends. Like Clay is.

You saw how that turned out for him, right?

You know, you're supposed to be, like, this big stand-up guy,

and you're keeping that secret?

That's fucked up, Dempsey.

Yeah, that's... that's worse than anything any other guy did.

Come on, man. Just come clean.

Cleanse your soul.

Or... pay the price.

You've always been able to talk, Diego. You know that?

But when it comes time to play,

the talk don't mean shit.

Oh, yeah?

Hmm.

We'll see.

Justin, I really gotta go.

How was this morning? Are you okay?

No.

How's Clay?

He's not okay.

Nothing is.

Zach told Winston that he beat up Bryce.

Fuck! Uh...

- What? - Winston told Diego.

So you're... you're still seeing Diego?

He's, like, on a damn mission. I...

I can't just drop him. I have to handle shit.

Okay, but is that all this is? It's just you handling him,

or whatever?

Yes.

Help.

Ple... Please help.

What? What is it?

I shit the bed.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry. Uh, hold on.

- Please? - Yeah, hold on.

Okay, we'll get you in the shower.

I can't leave you alone,

so I will wait until you've finished your business.

Oh, man, what a mess.

We need some sheets in here.

Taylor?

You gotta crack the door, man. I have to be able to hear you.

Taylor?

Anyone?

He left?

You mean he escaped?

Yes.

- How? - Still unclear.

Justin, I know that Clay and I have history,

but I am still here for him.

And I'm worried.

He's in a fragile mental state.

Yeah, you can thank Bolan for that.

It's not safe for him to be alone right now.

He could act out violently.

He wouldn't hurt anyone.

Not even himself?

- Do you know where Clay is? - I have no idea.

But anywhere's safer than this school.

Actually, I don't know if we ever even, like, liked each other.

I mean, I...

I mean, I loved her, I think. I don't... Er... I don't know.

I guess... I think I loved her.

Hey!

Um, hey.

- Welcome back. - Hello.

You look...

How are you doing? I heard about the drill.

And the hospital.

Yeah. No, I'm... I'm good. I'm good.

Um...

They... they let me out, so...

Just... I'm just not ready to go back to school yet, you know?

Okay.

What was it you wanted to talk about?

Did you send my application?

- Because they invited me to an interview. - That's great!

So, you...

How is that great?

I wrote my essay about covering up a fucking murder, Ani!

I wasn't actually gonna send it in.

So you sent it, and they gave it to the police,

- who set up this interview. - Jesus, Clay. Breathe.

- Oh, shit. - I'm not stupid. I rewrote the essay.

I talked about how building robots is...

is a metaphor for overcoming setbacks.

And now they want to meet with you. So, you're welcome.

God, Ani. Fuck!

When are you gonna stop? You know?

When are you gonna stop trying to run people's lives?

How about now?

I'll stop now.

And my mum's fine.

Thanks for asking.

Shit, wait. How is your mom? I...

Yeah, fine.

- Hey. - What the f... Who does that?

Guys do it. It's a thing.

It's... it's, like, a Titanic, king-of-the-world kind of thing.

I've seen it done.

Okay, well, I'm not Kate Winslet, and what is even happening here?

Like between us?

Uh...

I guess, uh, I kind of felt

like maybe we would be a thing, you know?

No? Uh... I don't know.

'Cause you're, like, the first actual guy

I've kissed who's, like, kissed me back.

And you're a real non-imaginary person.

Okay. Tyler is in school. Like, nothing happened.

What? How? We...

- What do you mean? - I don't fucking know.

Tony says we're not supposed to tell anyone, and he'll deal with it.

And he will.

- Hey. - Can we just...

Look, I have history, I have my interview later, and...

Yeah.

Okay.

St. George!

Got the math answers or what?

You should take care of that.

Go.

I texted you twice.

"Gordon Lightfoot. Urgent".

Yeah, I'm, uh...

I'm ignoring that shit now.

Did you really tell Winston?

- What the fuck were you thinking? - That I was gonna die.

We're all gonna fucking die!

Question is, do you wanna die in jail?

You know, I get it, you hate Jess, but what the fuck about Alex?

I don't hate...

I don't hate anybody, okay?

I didn't mean to make things worse.

I was stoned. I thought I was gonna die.

And that drill was just so fucked-up, so...

You need to fix this with Diego.

How?

The fuck if I know.

You're the straight-A student.

Yeah, not anymore.

All right, listen up.

We got a gun deal set up with the Down kid.

- Fuck. - Tony, hey!

Here we go. I don't know why they don't do this online.

It's... Boxing's still in the Stone Age.

Your, uh, trainer, Caleb, he owns the gym, right?

- Yeah, right. - Well, he needs to fill this out.

Certificate of occupancy, certificate of insurance.

Then we can schedule the match. Easy, all good.

Okay.

- Ted, need you in back. - Got it.

All right, get that in ASAP.

'Cause that McConnell kid wants to fight

and he wants to fight right now.

You good? You eating right?

- Yeah, sure. - Yeah? You sure?

- Yeah. - Pow, pow, pow!

We got it all set up with the Down kid

outside the Blue Spot Tuesday night.

We're gonna need a full tactical team.

Clay.

It's not appropriate for you to be here.

No, I know. I'm... I'm sorry,

I didn't know what else to do.

I'm required to inform the police.

Call the police, you'll never see me again.

I just... I'm so tired.

And I can never sleep,

and I don't want to feel this way anymore.

It's like this buzz in my head

that just keeps getting louder and louder,

and I think it's killing me.

And I don't want to die, and...

I just... I need this to stop.

Can you please help me make it stop?

Wait here.

We'll go to my office. We'll talk.

Then we'll both do what we have to do.

All right?

You avoided me at school today.

Skipped our classes.

Yeah, I needed to take care of a situation.

Now I gotta go, so...

Diego?

Yes. Do you wanna say something about it?

- I don't. - Mm-hmm.

Really.

'Cause I don't think you get to say anything about who I sleep with.

I know what I'm doing.

I know.

I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay.

I'm moving out tonight.

You're going back to Oakland?

No.

Ironically, my mum insists that I finish the year at Liberty.

She feels like my education's been interrupted enough

by her illness.

Tony said I could stay.

You don't have to.

I do.

What I did...

... with Bryce...

was unforgivable.

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you.

I didn't mean to.

I didn't.

I wasn't thinking. Full stop.

I was just being a stupid kid.

It's just...

All I know is that...

I guess that I was lonely.

And I didn't think about the consequences.

I think girls do that sometimes.

With boys.

I worry that things have...

... completely fallen apart...

with you and me.

And everything.

And the only thing that's clear is

that I'm not the person to put them back together.

Is that a Rickenbacker?

Guild.

Starfire III.

1966.

This time, you take the couch, I take the chair.

Clay.

It's fine if you want to feel powerful

at this moment. I understand that.

But at some point, I have to involve the authorities.

You take the couch. I take the chair.

You don't want the chair after all?

I'm supposed to go to a college interview tomorrow.

You believe that? A college interview.

And you don't feel ready for that?

I can't just sit there and talk.

I can't even hold still anymore.

Why do you think that is?

It started when I was arrested.

When they moved me from the sheriff's station to the county jail.

They had me in handcuffs and leg irons,

and they shut me in the back of the van.

No windows, no air, just dark.

Must have been terrifying.

And you felt confined today, at the hospital?

I just... I had to get out.

Get away. I...

From people who were trying to help you?

I... I just felt afraid.

I've felt so afraid of so many things for so long.

I mean, I don't even think I can ever remember not being afraid.

Try.

Try to tell me...

about a time you felt safe.

Taken care of.

I...

I don't know. I don't know.

Go as far back as you need to.

I remember this time I was, like,

seven, I think, or eight.

And I had this crazy fever,

like things didn't feel real.

And my dad stayed home and took care of me.

And I slept on the couch with our dog, um...

who was, like...

It was like she was guarding me.

And I remember waking up

and my dad was sitting there,

just...

sort of stroking the hair on my head.

And...

he looked so worried, but I...

I didn't feel worried.

I just felt glad he was there.

Why do you think your parents worry?

I don't... I don't want them to.

But why do you think they do?

Because of...

everything I do. Because of the...

the trouble I've caused. Because I'm not right, I mean...

Do you think if you were perfect, they'd never worry...

about where you were, what you were doing, if you were healthy?

Happy? Safe?

I guess they would.

Then when they do,

can you try to remember that feeling

of being glad they're there?

I can try. Yeah.

Then perhaps...

you can start to believe that there are people in your life...

that wanna take care of you.

That want you to do well.

Parents, teachers, doctors.

Even college interviewers.

I can try.

Sweetheart.

I've spoken with Sheriff Diaz,

and I don't think Clay is at risk of self-harm.

He can go home.

He and I have decided it's best I see him twice a week

for the next while.

Thank you.

Do you want to sleep in the house tonight instead of out back?

Is Justin home?

Yeah.

Then I'll be fine.

Okay.

Okay.

They say that resiliency

is the truest predictor of success.

Do they say that?

Mm-hmm.

Huh.

But isn't resiliency just

one more way of saying that we should cope with things

rather than trying to change them?

I, um...

And what does real change look like?

I, um... I had two friends.

Two very different friends.

Two people I love...

who each had a moment...

in their lives when they looked in their world

and saw that nothing was ever gonna change.

Ever.

And they each made a decision...

in that one moment.

One...

terrible,

painful decision...

that they could never take back.

And that's what brought the change.

Painful...

awful...

change.

Change is never easy.

No.

No, no, it isn't.

Thank you for that.

Um, I'm sorry to pull you out of class like this, buddy,

but it's important.

What is it? Is it Clay?

Matt and Lainie gave him the day off.

He... he's still recovering.

Mm-hmm. No, it's not about Clay.

It's about your mom.

It, uh... it appears she passed away yesterday.

We got the call this morning.

She...

what?

Yeah, she was found by a patrol car.

Routine sweep, down by the docks.

- Seth? - No, he's still upstate.

We checked with the Bureau of Prisons,

and there's no sign of foul play.

She OD'ed?

There's some evidence for that,

but we're waiting on a toxicology report.

I know you two hadn't been in touch for quite some time.

Yeah, um...

we hadn't.

So, so sorry, buddy.

Thank you...

for telling me.

Do you want me to give you a ride home? To the Jensens?

You should take the day off.

I can talk to Principal Bolan, tell him what's going on.

If it's all right, sir,

I'd like to stay at school.

I'm...

trying to keep my attendance perfect.

And I've got a college interview today.

Okay.

- Here if you need, okay? - Mm.

Alex?

I'm sorry, I can't... I can't right now.

Um...

I don't... I don't deserve to go to college.

Of course you deserve to go to college.

Everyone does, no matter their disability.

How'd it go?

What are you even doing here?

I wanted to see how it went.

Oh, my God, you're like a fucking golden retriever.

Don't you give up?

No, I'm like, uh... Russell Wilson.

Never giving up on a play, always scrambling.

So, how'd it go?

It sucked because I'm extremely fucked up,

and if you weren't an idiot, you'd stay away.

If, uh, I were to ask one of your friends,

what would they say is your greatest strength?

I... I suppose they'd say I'm...

very dedicated.

Um...

Loyal.

I'm not... I'm not someone who gives up

on other people very easily.

Hm.

Actually, um, sorry.

Um... Uh...

That's not what they would say...

at all.

What do you mean?

The truth is...

I don't think my friends would have...

any idea how to describe me.

When they... when they look at me,

they only see what I want them to see.

Just like you're only seeing what I want you to see,

which, frankly, isn't the real me at all.

Then who are you?

I don't know.

You think Tyler's making a buy and they're going to take him down?

They set him a trap. Tomorrow night.

And we've gotta stop him somehow, but I can't get ahold of him,

and he's nowhere to be found, so...

I'm not in any shape to help anyone right now.

What does that mean?

Clay, what does that mean?

I don't... I don't understand what's happening.

I'm, like... I'm grounded forever. I...

Clay, this is everything. This is everything!

If they take him down, we're done.

It's over.

I feel like it's over already.

What's going on?

This isn't you.

No, I...

I know.

Sorry, my...

my circumstances?

Your essay indicated

that you've faced down a number of personal challenges.

Talk to me about that.

I was addicted to heroin.

Mm.

And...

I had sex with men for money.

Uh...

Your mother has also struggled with addiction?

She, um...

Yeah, she has.

You have shown such fortitude.

That will serve you well in college.

Or did I just get really lucky?

That I got out?

She never did.

No one ever gave her a fucking chance.

Maybe "fortitude..."

has fuck-all to do with it, and...

... it really is all about circumstances.

I... I'm... I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be insensitive.

We are all just so inspired by you.

How did you find me?

Your mom.

Don't worry, I told her it was about homework.

Not the fact that you like boys,

at least sometimes, and you're also breaking my heart.

I'm not breaking your heart.

You definitely are.

Why?

Why would you like someone like me?

See, there you go doing that self-depreciating thing.

It's "deprecating".

You do... that self-deprecating thing

where you think it's about you.

But what you're saying is I'm dumb for liking you.

You're, like, questioning my taste.

And the thing is, I have excellent taste.

You're very confident.

I am very confident.

You know, most people find that attractive.

I'm suspicious of confident people.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, I'm confident enough to be okay with that.

Well, I'm not confident, okay? I never have been.

And I have a brain injury,

and I've done these terrible things

that I'm never gonna get away from.

I'm not a good person.

And you have this, like, king-of-the-world jock thing,

so I'm never gonna win an argument

about why we shouldn't be together.

You're gonna have to just take my word for it.

I'm gonna walk away now.

Please don't follow me.

Your essay about robotics...

... is a beautiful use of metaphor.

What do you like most about robots?

Um...

Uh... making them,

the robots.

Okay.

Been a good student throughout your entire career.

What's your secret?

I don't... I don't have a secret.

I'm... I was just... I'm just smart.

I know your grades dropped a bit the last semester.

You explained your extraordinary circumstances in your application.

What did that whole experience teach you?

- I don't like enclosed spaces. - Ah.

I see.

- What's most important to you, Clay? - My friends.

I've, uh...

I've made a lot of mistakes, some bad choices,

and I don't always... I don't always think things through.

But I know that if a friend needs me,

or is in danger, or anything,

if there is anything I can do to help them, I will.

Uh...

I'm really...

really trying to do the right thing.

I am.

Even when it's not clear what that is.

'Cause I don't want to live my life

based on someone else's idea of...

what's right, or what's moral, or what's good.

I want to figure it out for myself.

Even if I make mistakes along the way.

And the one thing I know...

is it is never wrong to care about your friends.

It's never wrong

to be a human being

and love someone as well as you can.

And...

Uh...

Uh, yeah.

Uh, I don't... I don't want Clay to know.

Um...

He needs to get better, and, um...

I don't really want to be in the way of that.

You could never.

What would you like to do for a service?

A service?

Yeah, a funeral.

A memorial?

I don't...

I don't want a service.

She didn't have any family or friends, so...

She had you.

She didn't, really.

Maybe we take a day...

... as a family.

We could scatter her ashes in the river.

I don't fucking want anything! Okay?

I don't need some bullshit service

so that you all can feel better about some broke junkie being dead!

Jesus!

Fuck!

Sorry.

Uh, I just... I've been to enough funerals in my life.

- Of course. - Justin, love.

What can we do?

I'm good.

Really. Really. Thank you.

I mean, the flowers were beautiful.

Yeah.

It was so kind of you to think of us.

Oh, you both were so kind to me.

How's your mother doing now?

Yeah, she's much better.

- And how are you holding up? - Yeah, just fine.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, honey.

Sorry.

No, no,

don't be sorry.

I've been trying to be the thing

that I thought people needed me to be.

But I...

I don't know if I know what that is.

All I know is that I've failed.

No! No, you haven't.

You've done beautifully well.

And you need to remember you're still a teenager.

You're still figuring out who you are.

But you haven't failed anyone.

You know, Ani, I, uh...

I always imagined I'd be...

getting Bryce ready to go off to college right about now.

His father and I, um...

put away some money for his college fund.

And now, well...

... as you get ready to go off to Yale or Stanford

or wherever you choose,

I wonder if you could help me put it to good use.

Mrs. Walker, uh...

I... I couldn't...

I couldn't take Bryce's money.

Besides, I don't even know if I'm getting into college after today.

Ani, they'd be out of their minds not to accept you.

And I think you saw something in my son that I...

even I couldn't always see.

I just tried to be there for him...

when he needed a friend.

And now I'd like to do the same for you.

You deserve

to be able to build the kind of future you want for yourself,

whatever that may be.

You've made the right choice, Dempsey.

I mean, that is why we're here, right?

Oh, yeah.

I'm here to cleanse my soul.

Good.

Then let's hear it.

Come on.

I'm not gonna bite you.

Okay.

Fuck...

you.

Seriously? You hauled us out here to be a tough guy?

Oh, yeah. Yes, I did.

I invited all of you out here so that I could tell you all,

in person,

with all of my best wishes,

to suck my giant dick.

Aw!

Jesus, Diego!

How about that, huh?

- That help your memory? - You know what? Yeah.

No, that helped. Thank you.

I think... I think I remembered something.

I remember that you're a fucking pussy.

Motherfucker.

It's... okay, okay, okay! All right.

I'll tell you who did it.

It was me.

It was me all along!

Woohoo...

Harder.

Pussy!

Hit me harder!

Jesus, Diego, enough!

- Let's get outta here. - You're fucking crazy, you know?

You belong in a mental hospital

next to your boy Jensen, you sick fuck!

Aw, come on!

Let's fucking go.

Is that all you got?

What the fuck?

Hey.

You came.

Of course, you needed me. Why wouldn't I?

I...

Hey, how long have you been here?

About two hours.

No Tyler, no cops, so maybe they called the whole thing off.

Wait.

There.

Go. Let's go.

Hey, Tyler, wait up!

- What are you doing? - You gotta come with us!

What the fuck is this?

Whatever you guys are doing, you need to stop!

- Who the fuck are these clowns? - No one.

Just get the fuck out of here!

- You gotta come with us. Tyler! - Fuck this, I'm out.

Shit!

- Oh, my God. - Oh, no.

- Shit! - Police! Stay where you are!

Lower the gun!

- Lower the gun, right now! - Shut the fuck up.

- Put it down now! - Put the gun down!

- Put down your weapon! - Fuck off!

Well done, Ed. Well done.

- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -

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