All language subtitles for grace.and.frankie.s01e03.720p.webrip.x264-2hd.en

Marge? Hi, it's Grace.

Listen, I can't do the silent auction.

Because it's being sponsored
by the law firm.

Well, because
Robert is divorcing me.

Because he is a homosexual.

With Sol.

Yes, that Sol.

Yup, I guess so.

Better go ahead and get that.
Okay.

Yeah, bye, Marge, bye-bye.

You wanna play the tough guy, huh?
That's how you wanna do it?

Okay, I can wait.
I've got nowhere else to be.

Well, jury duty,
but that's not till October.

What's Mallory's food problem du jour?

Her... gluten or meat?
I can't remember.

Right. No. It's something ridiculous.
Corn, maybe?

Nothing doesn't have corn.

I have to rethink the whole dinner now.

Sol, it's not till tomorrow.
We've got plenty of time.

And it'll be fine. Our families
have had a million dinners together.

The girls adore you.

That was before they found out
I was going to be their new stepmother.

Sol, you're making me nervous.

Say, do you remember the way
Grace used to fold the napkins

into bow-ties sometimes?
Do you know how she did that?

- No idea.
- Oh.

I should wash these
before we use them.

You're using china?
We're going that fancy?

I just think people are on their best
behavior when they eat off china.

Clearly you've never raised boys.

Oh, geez, Coyote. I forgot.

- We haven't thought this through.
- We're thinking it through now.

- There's something else we're forgetting.
- Sol, it's just a dinner.

We might forget something. So what?
It's fine. They're gonna be fine.

- We're gonna be fine.
- Oh, I know we're gonna be fine.

Because I'm gonna open the bottle
of wine we're not serving to Coyote.

Well, you're not gonna drink it alone.

I love the dear silver
That shines in your hair

And the brow that's all wrinkled
And furrowed with care

I...

I kiss the dear fingers
So toil-worn for me

- Oh...
- Oh...

God bless you and keep you

- Mother Machree
- Mother Machree

Do we have a poltergeist?

Worse.
Nothing better to do.

So what is it that you are doing?

I'm trimming the rug.

Because it grows so fast, huh?

- Get your scissors away from my rug!
- Fine, fine.

I'll go alphabetize the spices.

No. They're in order
of how often we use them.

Leave the allspice
in the back where it belongs.

You know what?
I think your painting's calling you.

No, it isn't.
We're not talking right now.

Hey, where you going?

I've made a monumental life decision.

What? What's the matter
with the ignition?

I've made a life decision.

Oh, where are you going to go fishing?

Listen, if you want to talk to me,
come in here.

You have got to get
a hearing device.

How do you expect me
to hear you when you're shouting

from the other side of the house?
What were you saying?

I am going back to work!

Good. Where?

To my company.

The one you gave to Brianna?

The one I built from nothing.

- Okay, brava.
- Where's my phone?

- Miss?
- Huh?

Oh.

So, where's Brianna going to work?

You know what? I'm going to go.

Oh, can I come with you?

- Get your own job.
- I've got a job.

Yeah. Teaching convicts.

We call them
rehabilitated former offenders.

This is what we're calling them now?
That's good to know.

I like the idea of going fishing.
I don't like to kill the fish, though.

I guess I could throw them back.

But I don't have a boat.
My friend Todd has a boat.

Where is Todd?

Oh, right, he died.

I should call his wife.
Where's my cell phone?

I'll call it. What's my number?

Should we tell Mom?

Are you nuts?
It's just gonna make her feel bad.

- I feel weird.
- It's all weird, Bud.

Our father and his boyfriend
are having their children over for dinner.

I can top that. The love of your
squandered life is gonna be there.

- Probably with her husband.
- Shit!

You do realize Coyote
is going to be there, right?

Okay, I don't want to talk about Coyote.

I know. I do, though. Is Mitch coming?

No, my husband
will stay home with the kids

when the babysitter suddenly gets sick.

You know what, maybe I'll get sick, too.
Or maybe I'll just hang with Mom.

If I'm going to this dinner, you're going.
And Mom can't know about this.

If you breathe one word of this to Mom,
I will tell her who really killed Dimples.

Will you stop throwing that
fucking hamster in my face!

You don't have to go.

I do have to go.
I have to talk to Mallory.

And it's important for Dad.
And New Dad, Robert Dad.

I smell a trigger. You gonna be okay?

I'll even out by the third vodka.

That's not funny yet.

Just don't talk to Mom
for the next two days.

Okay, what if she calls?

If she calls,
don't lie like a pussy. Sell it.

Wait. Is this one of those things
where you tell me not to tell her

and then you get to tell her
and you get to be the hero?

- Hi, Mom!
- Oh, my God, let me talk to her!

This is different.

Lovely.

Have a seat.

- So glad you stopped by.
- Yeah. Me, too.

So... what's up?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about it
lately, and I've come to apologize.

Apology accepted. What did you do?

I handed you this business
and I abandoned you.

I took a competent, no-frills money
manager and thrust her into the rough

and tumble world of beauty products.

It's not exactly
the Thunderdome here, Mom.

And you know,
we're up 15 percent this last quarter.

That's wonderful, honey.
But here's what I'm thinking.

I want to try to make it up to you

by offering you something
you could really use.

- A boyfriend who doesn't talk?
- No.

Me. I would love
to come back to work here.

- Oh...
- You'd still be CEO.

But it just feels...

like a natural fit for us,
doesn't it?

Yeah. But you retired.
We had a party.

There were shrimp cakes and speeches.
Margaret cried.

- Do we have a problem here?
- Well, I mean, I don't know.

We've gone in a different direction,
and that took capital.

I don't know if I have the money
to hire someone else.

Well, what do you mean,
"different direction"?

Oh, gosh! I mean more...

relevant.

Are you implying I'm irrelevant?

Because that would be interesting,

given that my face
is all over the darn box.

I know.
Um... only until the fall, though.

You... you replaced
my face with a plant?

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Mmm!

See, we're going for
a more youthful customer,

and she's urban, and she's active,

and she responds better
to a plant than a face.

I've been erased.

I'm sorry, Mom.
I should have told you.

- Help me, damn it.
- I don't think I can...

- No! Out of the chair!
- Oh.

Here.

Just...

- This is what I know how to do.
- God, Mom. I know.

- So?
- So... I can't.

- I don't understand! Why not?!
- I can't, because...

Because if you're here,
no one will see me.

You're a big presence.
You cast a giant shadow.

I could never come out
from underneath that.

If you came back here,
I'd be completely invisible.

I don't think you know
what that feels like.

I think I'm beginning to.

Well, would you at least let me
take you to dinner?

I wish I could... I've got a thing.

- A thing?
- Don't ask.

FYI, childbirth was easier
than getting out of that chair.

I personally prefer working in oils,

although watercolors
are more forgiving as we age.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
So, this is the dining room.

Salad bars usually freak me out,
but this one seems sanitary.

Well, you know, you're welcome to have
all your meals here if you like.

We've got kosher options.
And... vegetarian.

Is it that obvious?

Your shoes.

Oh, I do have my MFA.
An online MFA.

- I'm a Phoenix.
- Oh. Good for you.

Fuck.

- Hello?
- Hi. Can you be nice to me?

Um, okay...

I love you. You're so pretty.
I gotta go.

Mal...

Am I irrelevant?

Oh, Mom.

Not to me. I gotta go.

Okay, bye.

I like it here. This could work.

Well, we would really like to have you.

Really? Oh, God, that is fantastic!

Oh, my God.

Oh. Okay.

So, William, let's get down
to brass tacks. How much?

Well, it'll be ten thousand a month.

To teach art!

Art. Wait, art?

You placed an ad for an art teacher.

You're not Myrna Rosenblum, are you?

I was supposed to give her
a new resident's tour at two o'clock.

To live here? Oh, my God.

Do I look like I need
a bed with a motor?

Oh, well, people are taking
really good care of themselves these days.

No, no, I have taken
terrible care of myself.

I am young.
I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Excuse me.

My joints are supple.

The girls are here.

I swear we're forgetting something.

Anyway, here we go.

Wait, wait, wait.

Now here we go.

Hey!

What are you doing?

I'm having dinner
with my gay dads, you?

You can't just walk in there.
It's not your house anymore.

I lost both of my virginities
in this house. It's my house.

- Hi! Hi.
- Hi!

Welcome.

- Hi!
- Hello.

Welcome?

We're so glad you came.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Excuse me.

I brought you chocolate.

That's from both of us.

How nice! Thank you!

There's vodka inside,
have you guys had those?

No.

You wouldn't think chocolate
and vodka go well together,

but it's like mac and cheese,
it just... it just works.

Well, you both look great.

Oh, no, I look like shit.
But thank you.

Would you like something to drink?

- Bourbon.
- Scotch, please.

- No... we're not serving alcohol tonight.
- Are you kidding?

Knock, knock!

- Hey.
- Hey, guys!

Hello!

Hey, Bud. Welcome.

- Yeah.
- Hi, Dad. Hi...

- Coyote. Welcome.
- Thank you.

- Hi, Bree.
- What's up, Broseph?

- That's what I'm gonna call you now.
- No, you are not.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mal.

Broseph.

Who would like some
sparkling apple cider?

Oh, geez, that's...
that's because of me.

It's fine. Please, everyone drink, enjoy.

See? Straight from the alcoholic's mouth.

- He says it's fine.
- Thanks, Coyote, but it's okay.

Everybody's needs
have been considered tonight.

Mal, the bread crumbs are gluten-free.
You're special, too.

Mal.

Come here.

No.

- Mal...
- I am not engaging with you.

- You're not engaging?
- No.

Okay, I have no idea
what I did that night.

- Are you kidding me?
- No!

I was on a cocktail of tequila,
cocaine and non-stick cooking spray.

- You guys, there's cheese.
- Just a second!

Well, let me refresh your memory.

After mowing down my mailbox,
you proceeded to get out of your car

and start shouting
at the top of your lungs,

"Mal, don't marry Mitch!

It doesn't have to be me,
just don't marry Mitch!"

Which manages to not only
scare my children,

but really piss off my husband,
who, by the way,

I had already been married to
for seven years.

- Fuck.
- Yeah.

I had no idea.

That's really, really bad.

Let's go, everybody!
Phones in the box.

Phones.

God, I thought you only did this
at your house.

This is his house.

I need a drink
or I need my phone.

You have got to give me something.

- We hid a bottle of Chianti...
- Behind the toaster.

Good enough.

Let's eat!

Did you steal my scissors?

- Yes.
- Well, can I have 'em back?

Will you stop trimming the rugs?

Yes.

That's not bad.

What is it, an otter?

It's my fucking day.

Did you get your job back?

No, no. I decided it's...
it's not me anymore.

How did you get the almond
to actually stick to the chicken?

Interesting. Egg whites!

Hmm.

There are eggs in this?

You have a problem with the eggs
but not the chicken?

- That's classic.
- Just egg whites, no yolk.

And then you just grind up the almonds
with a little paprika.

He's like a magician in the kitchen.

- Do you think it's dry?
- A little.

I think it's perfect, babe.

- What are you looking for?
- Nothing.

If you're looking for those cigarettes,
I threw them out.

Shit. I'd give my good knee
for a cigarette.

Me, too. I haven't had a cigarette
since smoking was good for you.

Shall we?

Mallory, would you engage me
in the salt, please?

Excuse me.

Mallory.

I cannot deal with all of this right now.

I can't deal with that,
and I can't deal with you.

And my mother has taken
every single Valium out of this house.

I know.

I want drugs, too.

But we have to figure a way
to deal with all of this without that,

and without storming out of the room.

No, no, no, no, no. I cannot be taking
advice about all this from you right now.

That-that-that can't be right.

I'm-I'm afraid it is.
We're step-people now.

No.

I'm sorry, but we're blended.
We have to be civil.

No, I don't. I just came here to pee.

I didn't come here
to work anything out with you.

So just... just let me go
so that I can pee. Please.

I think it's going okay.

Uh... you need help?

- With what?
- With dessert.

- Isn't that what you came in here to do?
- Oh, no. I am not doing that.

I came in here
so I don't have to be out there.

By the way, why would you bring dessert
in like seven different containers?

Go to the grocery store
like a normal person.

- Buy an Entenmann's.
- What's your problem?

Nothing. It's just...

Why are we talking about
the almond meal chicken in there?

"Oh, that's how you get the almond
to stick to the chicken?"

"Yeah, but you have to use egg whites."
"Oh, well, egg whites makes it okay

that our mothers are home alone
and heartbroken."

Everyone is just trying their best, Bree.

Is that why you gave
that elaborate toast?

- It was the Kiddush.
- Oh.

What did you think
was going to happen tonight?

I don't know,
but don't you think it's weird

that no one is talking about this?

It's like we have flashed forward
five years into the future

and everybody's cool with Dad and Sol.

- I am cool with it.
- Oh, really? You're cool with it?

Would you be cool with it if they'd been
cheating with women for the last 20 years?

- I don't know.
- Please. There wouldn't be cake.

There'd be blood or bullets.
Something.

For sure, we wouldn't be
talking about the chicken.

Do you think you're the only one
that's having a hard time?

Up until a week ago I was under the
impression my parents loved each other.

Now I'm losing my family.

I'm losing Jewish Christmas Eve,
and picketing Walmart, and camping.

Forgot you guys all liked each other.

Well, we had to.
We slept in a four person sleeping bag.

- Really?
- No.

I'll carry the cake.
Will you carry the coffee?

- No.
- Thanks.

Hey! Sir? Sir!
We're still waiting.

Cigarettes!

Oh, excuse me...
Hey, excuse me, excuse me!

Damn it to hell. Oh, excuse me.

I don't work here.

But how do I get you fired?

This is Mom's favorite.

You remember Mom, right?

I remember my mom.
She used to live here.

- Enough, Brianna.
- No, it's okay.

Clearly, they need to express something.

Are your mothers upset
that you came over?

My mother doesn't know I'm here.

I told her I had a thing
and I couldn't talk.

- I'm at an AA meeting.
- I'm racked with guilt.

Why wouldn't you tell them
you were coming here?

- Are you really asking that?
- Yes! I am.

They're going to find out you came here
and they're going to think

we told you not to tell them,
and they'll assume you're taking our side.

I'm sorry, is there some kind of manual
that we didn't get that tells us

how to act in this situation?

Because you two seem to be
the only ones who know the rules.

We just think you
should have been honest.

I'm sorry,
are you trying to be ironic?

No. I'm trying to be your father!

You don't have to point out to me
that I hurt your mother!

I know she's been hurt.
Lying only makes it worse.

- They've been through enough.
- Because of you!

I lied to my mother for the first time
in my adult life because of you

- and I'm not even allowed to be mad.
- Why not?

'Cause you're gay!

If you had been fucking around
with women for the last 20 years,

we wouldn't even be here eating cake!

Say it in there, and it comes out here.

So we are not eating cake.

Brianna, would you pass the cream, please?

Thank you, Mallory.

You're welcome, Coyote.

Okay, stand back,
I'm about to lose my shit.

Sir, can we get some cigarettes
over here, for crying out loud?!

Oh, God, thank you!

- Sir! Hi!
- Hi! How are you?

I'm good...

- Excuse me!
- It's a beautiful night.

It is. Can I help you?

Excuse me, are you in a coma?!

This is a place of business, right?

- Do you have lottery tickets?
- Sure do. How many?

- Just two, please.
- You! You! Sir!

- You!
- Just a second.

- Just two of the scratch-offs?
- Yeah, scratch-offs.

Hello!

Hello! Hello!

What kind of animal treats
people like this?!

Do you not see me?! Do I not exist?!

You think it's all right to ignore us?!

- Just because she's got grey hair?
- What?

And I don't look like her?

This poor woman
needs a pack of cigarettes

and she doesn't have
a lot of time left!

- Get us a pack of cigarettes!
- Come on, let's get out of here, Grace.

Come on. Let's go!

- No!
- For God's sake! This way.

Okay. That lacked poise and I'm sorry.

But I refuse to be irrelevant.

It's okay. I learned something.
We've got a superpower.

You stole those?!

You can't see me,
you can't stop me.

Mmm.

Peel out, baby!

Wanna hit Citibank?

I knew we forgot something.

We forgot it was too soon.

I didn't hit a skunk.
It was a black and white bucket.

Then what was that smell?

What the heck is this?

_

I can't read it.

You can eat it. It's a cake.
It won't kill you.