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30A?

It's said that a visit to a Mainland "sauna" will,

in just one ecstatic shudder, tear down all the morals

and values that a man takes decades to build up.

that this 45 Yuan ticket that this 45 Yuan ticket

would turn out to be my entry pass
to a road of no return.

This is my story. It all started when I was 25...

(DUE WEST : OUR SEX JOURNEY)

Before then, I had always tried
to do the right thing

and be a model citizen.

I figure this is probably because

I was raised in a sort of model household.

That's my mother, the one with the long face.

She's the Vice Principal
and a Discipline Officer at a girls' school.

The one with the glasses next

to her is my father.

He's a senior officer in the
Drainage Services Department.

"Loyal and devoted" would be the best way

to describe his relationship with her.

What kind of filth is this?

It will rot your mind. This is not for you!

Read this one. This one is more like it.

Ever since I could remember, mom encouraged

free speech, democracy, and equity.

We would convene regular family meetings

to discuss any household issues.

I have to go to the countryside again next week,

so in regards to the minutes,

I may have to submit them at the next meeting.

Didn't you just go?

There has been a water shortagein those areas lately,

so they need volunteers to continue providing aid.

OK. . . Request granted.

If there is nothing else on the agenda,

the meeting is adjourned.

Mom, I've got a request.

Say "Chairman".

Chairman, I have a proposal.

Continue.

I think I'm old enough now

and therefore request that

I manage my own pocket money.

You're still young, how can you be so sure?

Once you're old enough,

mommy will let you do it yourself.

But mom, I am old enough!

All right, since you insist,

I will respect your request.

Let's vote on it.

All in favor of our boy managing his own money,
raise your hands.

All opposed?

Based on vote count, the motion is defeated.

Meeting adjourned.

Chairman, I have a new proposal.

Continue.

It's like this. I...

I want to start buying my own underwear.

Why?

Don't you like what mom picks?

But this is kind of private. . .

That's right!

As with exterior pipes of a building,

which is a group matter,

If repairs are needed,

it must be approved by the building owners.

But my "thing" is not a group matter!

Daddy, what are you going on about?

Teaching our son social responsibility.

mom, Dad, I totally understand.

But I'm a grown up, it's time
for a little independence.

Fine. We are a democracy.

Let's put it to a vote.

All in favor of Frankie
buying his own undies, hands up.

All opposed?

Well, then. It's settled.

Daddy, if you would please
put this in the minutes.

Meeting adjourned.

Thus, no one understands better than I

the problems of an electorate.

After all these years,

the only thing we didn't need a vote on

was my refusal to study in the UK.

After all,

what kind of parents don't want

their children with them?

What the heck?

What are you doing?

But my refusal to go to England

wasn't due to filial piety.

It was because of my dream girl. . .

According to Baidu Answers

"First Love" is

merely youngsters longing

to have contact with and

understand the opposite sex,

but not true love.

Without a doubt, Zoey was my first love.

- Haha...
- Argh

Someone, help me to the nurse's office.

Hah, neutered by a she-male.
That's ten years of bad luck!

Stand back, everyone. Don't get any on you!

It's your lucky day!

- Let's go.
- Ok.

"Silhouette" by Zhu Ziqing

He crosses the tracks,

trying hard to climb up the platform, opposite.

Two hands grasp high, two feet try to follow;

I could never get why Zhu Zi-Qing

would get all weepy
just from looking at his dad's back.

This lecture on "Silhouette" did nothing for me.

This other silhouette, however...

. . .it brings me to tears

I wipe them away,

fearing that he will see, that others will see.

The next moment when I looked out of the window again,

father was already on the way back,
holding bright red tangerines in both hands.

In crossing the railway track,
he first put the tangerines on the ground,

At that moment, I knew for sure

I had finally become a man.

A big man.

There wasn't much in the way
of an internet back then.

So the easiest way for guys

to look at naked women

was just to buy a nudie mag

available at any street vendor.

What are you guys looking at?

Get in line!

Let's share.

Line up!

Wait out front when school's out.

This underdeveloped little guy is Wang Jing,

my only friend in high school.

"Jing" means quiet,

which is what he is.

When he does talk, each word is a gem.

Of all the people I knew, he understood me best,

almost like he could hear me thinking.

On the other hand,

he'd never look straight at me,

so I could never tell what he was thinking

Wow! Is that Yuki Maiko?!

You want big? HK tits will never be
as big as white chicks'.

That's when I realized

breasts weren't like I thought.

Wang Jing thus became, along with the skin mags,

the encouraging and friendly mentor

of my new alter ego.

This is good stuff.
Just give it back when you're done.

But I never did ask him,

how was it that such a prepubescent guy like him

could be so knowledgeable?

Who taught him all this stuff?

Was it Miss Sex from the "Yes" column?

Or maybe Dr. Kinsey from

"Reader's Digest"?

That will always remain a mystery.

I'm so happy to serve you.

I would be so satisfied and proud of myself

if I can just make you feel good.

You're such a good girl.

But I'm so bad!

That feel good?

Really?

Yeah, really, really good...

Really?

Really? Really?

Really?

Thank you so much.

Hey Dad, aren't you at tea with mom?

Why are you back alone?

I got a stomachache so I left first.

Have you eaten, yet?

Yep.

Please, please spit the damn thing out!

Hey, what's with all the racket out there?

Oh. . . Nothing, just the TV.

The silver one is still better. . .

Make yourselves comfortable.

mom, you're back.

Are you hot, son?

Why is your face all sweaty?
Do you have a fever?

Don't come over here!

I just finished a workout.

I'll be fine.

Go get dressed. You're so embarrassing!

Aw, what's the worry?

We've seen it all since he was little.

Your aunties wouldn't mind an updated peek!

What were you doing just now?

Why is there a pair of boxers in the living room?

Dad just came back, said something about diarrhea,

and took them off as he came in.

Your father should know better.

Dropping things everywhere!

This is so embarrassing. . .

It's okay. I can be like that when I'm in a rush.

Of course. Understandable.

Turn on the TV. There's a show I'm following.

Son, where's the remote?

The remote... No idea.

Forget the TV

and hurry up.

Let's get this game going.

You don't have to chuck the remote
just because you don't like what's on.

Where's Baby?

Baby, stop running around! Come here. Good boy!

I never would've guessed that Mrs. Chan

would be the first woman to swallow my load.

Imagine that. She even seems to like it!

Come on, we're waiting.

Son, go get some drinks for us.

What?

Take care of our guests!

Uh, I...

I what?

What is wrong with you today?

mom, you're always telling me to study harder and

get a good grade.

Well, I'm trying to right now,

yet here you are playing mahjong!

How am I supposed to concentrate?

You say one thing, but do another.

I just can't take it.

What your son says is right.

Why don't we go to my place instead?

Right! It's rare for kids

- to be so studious these days.
- Let's go.

mom's wrong. It won't happen again.

Thank you, mom.

What's the matter, officer?

We've received complaints

of objects being thrown from here.

How could that be? We're just playing mahjong!

Well then, is this remote yours?

Well, all remotes look the same.

Wait. Weren't you just saying
you couldn't find yours?

Couldn't this be it?

Officer, you'd best check
before making allegations.

I don't know electronics. Ask my son.

Son, does this look like our remote?

This thing isn't from our home.

See? And it's so beat-up,

you could say it's anybody's!

What's the big deal. Try it and see.

It's so broken, there's no point.

This ought to work.

Dad!

After that incident,

mom never held another family meeting.

She never even mentioned it again.

It seemed like she wasn't so strict, either.

It was almost like I was a freed slave!

However, everyone in the neighborhood

now knew who I was.

You're only 1 6. There's still plenty of time.

Find a nice girl to lay.

You won't have to yank it yourself anymore.

Like it's that easy.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Wait for my word.

Wang Jing handed me a condom

like it was nothing

and left without a word.

Honestly, if I hadn't accidentally

once seen one in Dad's room,

I would have thought it was a piece of gum

and popped it in my mouth.

A box would have been nice.

At least that would have had
some instructions in it.

Son. It's for you.

When Jing told me to wait for his word,

I didn't ask for word of what.

But that very night,

he called and right off the bat said...

Done and dusted.

Why does "dusted"

necessarily follow "done"?

Why not "done and delivered"?

And what about the phrase

"Lipstick on a pig"?

Why not a dress?

I drew a blank

and couldn't guess what Jing was up to.

. . .up until he mentioned meeting Zoey.

That woke me up!

Turns out we were going camping.

And wouldn't you know it, a pig on the trip.

Here, let me help you.

I never asked Jing how he arranged
that date with Zoey.

And at that moment

it was the last thing from my mind.

Let me.

Oh, I can manage.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. Just need some cough syrup.

I was simply too focused on finding a way

to use that "stick of gum" he gave me.

Take it.

Your sausage is done. Brush some honey on it.

Hey, Jean. Let's take a walk.

Why the hell should we do that?

To have a chat.

To have a chat?!

- Sure!
- Hey! Jean! Jean!

Hah. That was weird, huh?

Yeah. . . Pretty weird.

How about we put on some music?

Sure.

Can I get you a drink?

Sure, thanks!

Get some booze in her.

Once she's nice and drunk, you can...

Is there beer?

Yes. . .

- Then beer it is!
- Great. . .

Cheers!

Another one!

Really? You still want more?

Come on, drink with me.

Oh. Okay.

Bottoms up!

Give me another.

What? You really up to this?

I'm fine. You'll take care of me, right?

I sure will.

I'll take care of everything.

You sure you can keep drinking?

Of course! I'm a guy.

Who says I can't handle it? More!

Also, has anyone told you

you have two heads and four boobs?

Do you think you're pretty?

Are you all right? Let me help you inside.

I'm fine.

Wasn't there something you wanted to say? Say it!

The moon is like my heart.

What?

Do you believe in aliens?

Fucking aliens?!

You asshole! Wasting my time!

You're so full of it.

I have an alien dissection video. Wanna see?

Go to hell!

Your loss.

You're so pretty. . .

Really?

You know,

I've liked you for a long time.

Will you be my girlfriend?

Yes. . .

Finally.

And the rice is ready.

You guys already back?

Honey, you're so naughty!

And such was the result of mixing

soda, beer, and cough syrup: my virginity

given up to a pig wearing lipstick.

I wanted to kill myself
that night and be done with,

but they swore

they wouldn't tell anyone,

so I changed my mind.

But it's not like I could just believe them.

I'm not stupid, you know.

Hey, what are you doing,sneaking around?

Don't run away, Frankie!

What's with you today, all disguised

with your dark glasses and everything?

You could still tell it's me?

Even if you had a bag over your head

Nevermind, I'm off to class.

You're in deep shit now!

Why? What happened?

Word has it that you...

failed your English test!

Is that all?

And that's not a big enough deal?

Forget him.

It's time for us to get to class. Let's go.

Frankly, I would've been better off

jerking into a toilet.

So that's what I tried

to convince myself had happened.

Say what you did this time.

Cursing.

Fine, then here is the punishment.

Go back and write a thousand times

"I will never swear again."

I didn't they'd keep their promise.

Next time will be worse.

Honey, I'm wearing a T-back today!

You like eating pigs' lips?

Now who's got the lifetime of bad luck!

Enough!

Yummy pig lips!

That was the last time I saw Zoey,

because after that I took charge

and made up my mind!

I'm going to England! And I want to go tomorrow!

Like a lot of people,

I thought that I'd be hooking up

with blondes as soon as I arrived,

but that wasn't exactly the case.

You know what's worse than
being stuck with a porker?

Answer: being stuck in a herd of them.

Really, everything is relative.

This make me think back sometimes,

Jean wasn't actually that bad.

Of course, things aren't always bad.

Margaret, a British-Chinese mix,

was my only girlfriend in England.

Actually, she was my real first love.

A lot of people envied me for having

such a hottie the first time out.

But then, there are always
two sides to every story.

Almost!

Aw, it's just a game...

What? Kick with the left!

Don't get so upset. It's just a game.

This is a big match. I have to watch it.

Okay, I'll turn it off.

I'm sorry.

Come on, one more time.

Though Margaret and I were both Arsenal fans,

I didn't think she would copy their style, too,

playing with herself

outside the field like that.

So I decided to copy one of my heroes, Batistuta,

and attack her full-force.

Turns out that sent Margaret

to the ER with a broken wrist.

Which is how I discovered my cup of tea

wasn't Earl Grey. Not traditional enough.

After that, I never dated another white chick.

I went home to Hong Kong after graduating

and found a sales and marketing job

for a multinational.

Hey! "The Hypocritic" put up a new one!

Snow-white tits and pink nipples,

Bouncy squeeze

Love'em to bits

This chubby guy,

a year ahead and my former dorm mate in England,

is James.

His only two interests are hookers and cursing.

What are you doing at my desk?

Grab a seat and have a look!

It's easier to hide here.

Of course this shit's good.

Hell, see for yourself ...

Performance Rankings?

What rankings? Horses?

Not horses. Whores!

You were close.

Don't ever say I never gave you anything.

This website has the latest info on
all the hookers in town.

Especially this guy calling himself "Hypocritic"

Not only do his reports have pictures,

but detailed listings of their special skills!

They're fucking unreal!

He's like our patron saint.

Pretty damned awesome, right?

First of all, I'm no john like you all.

Secondly, you guys shouldn't use

my computer to browse this kind of stuff.

C'mon, guys. There are women here.

Watch yourselves.

It's not like that.

Women these days are wilder than you!

Like you're so damned straight-laced.

Don't worry, we'll bring you along next time.

Thanks, but no. Go if you want to,

Leave me out of it.

Bullshit!

No such thing as a cat that don't like fish.

And if you've never had roast goose,

you can't say you don't like it.

Kid, take my advice,

don't waste your time fooling with regular girls.

Come with us and have a straight-up good time.

Frankie.

This one with the serious faceand the big tits is Susan,

the boss' daughter and my superior.

Frankie, we've got an Australian client
coming in the afternoon.

You take care of him.

Susan, I bought your favorite,

blueberry cheesecake.

Let me go get it for you.

But. . . it's high in calories.

Of course, but this one is high protein
and low sugar!

If James was born in Emperor Kang Xi's time,

I'm sure he could have
out-flattered the best courtesans.

You picked it to match, right?

Since when?

You talk like you know me so well.

But what I learned from his skills were useful,

like that time it helped me close a deal
with a huge foreign account...

Actually, I could use your help.

I want to get a hooker.

Where can I find them in Hong Kong?

Er. . .

You don't know, do you?

- Oh, forget it.
- I myself don't get hookers.

Seems to me like,

"That is completely rubbish."

But to keep the relationship with this client,

and to show the spirit of "Hong Kong,
the Entertainment Capital,"

I decided to tell him about that website

and everything about it.

Doesn't look bad.

What kind of service?

BBBJTCNQNS shouldn't be a problem.

BBBJ. . . What is that?

Bareback blow-job to completion,

no quit, no spit.

But in Cantonese, we call it...

- "Mouth Bomb"
- Mouth Bomb?

I like the sound of that!

Should we give it a try?

Can we get going?

How far is it?

What was it again?Mouth Bomb?

Really?

Mouth Bomb, was it?

Mouth Bomb!

Fate can sometimes work in weird ways.

Despite meeting Zeta in this situation,

I was smart enough

to put the blame on the foreigner.

And she believed me!

Though I can't be sure
if she was gullible in general

or just around me.

Here we are together,

the last minute before 3pm,

the 1 6th of April, 201 1 .

Let's remember this moment.

Such a shame the moment was gone so soon.

If I could go back to that day,

I would say three words to her. "I love you"

If I had to put a time limit on that love,

I would set it at ten thousand years.

I just thought of what Eileen Chang wrote,

"So much love carved into our hearts.

Yet so often coming to naught."

Don't worry. As Amy Chang said,

"Love is a part of self-improvement

that we each must experience. . .

Hurting others and being hurt.

Joy, dismay, despair, longing, waiting.

Suffering from pain, followed by enlightenment.

What matters isn't what you get or lose,

but how much you grow and how much you learn.

Your life will be more colorful
and never again the same.

Doesn't that make you sick?

Same here, listening to myself talk.

Well, love does weird things to people.

Said another way, we were a perfect match.

Not only that. Zeta had the kind of job

that makes guys come running.

It sure got me excited.

Most important of all, though,

was that she was my only soul-mate.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, baby!

Aw, that's so sweet.

Since you're her boyfriend,

don't you think you should sing for her?

- Yeah, sing!
- Sing. . .

What? I'm no good at singing.

I'll pick a song for you.

Just one song!

Pick one for me, too!

Okay, just a sec.

"Doing the best but not being appreciated"

"You decide to follow him"

"He doesn't cherish you, but I'm most happy to"

"I'm resolved to love him, wish me happiness"

"You know I will be with him no matter what"

"Even if it hurts, I will wait for him"

What the? They're terrible!

"I still watch you, Will he be moved?"

"Watching you walk along the cliff."

Hey, shower-up first.

But I just took one!

Then stop messing around!

Okay, right away.

Remember to clean better down there!

Okay.

Don't forget to use mouthwash after brushing!

Okay!

All set!

What are you up to?

Nothing.

Nothing?

You're putting my article up on the web?

It's good stuff, don't worry about it.

No, delete it.

No!

Try it again and you won't get any!

I did everything. See?

Okay.

Just once without turning off the lights?

Forget it then.

Okay, okay.

Not here.

Not there, either.

Come on, just a peck.

You know full well that I'm allergic to saliva.

Then I won't use any.

No!

Okay, okay.

Now put on a condom.

But he's not ready, yet.

How about your mouth pitch in a little. . .

Use your own mouth!

Yay! There's a response!

Don't worry about me. Keep going.

I told you. See?

So many positive comments already!

"My boyfriend's excellent article"?

Miss Z is you?

I'm your girlfriend.

Of course I'm the first one to support you!

I'll always be your number one fan!

Why don't we do it again?

You pervert!

Just once with the lights on?

- Then forget it.
- Okay, okay.

Dr. Kinsey said that
a mutually harmonious sex life

is the lubricant in a relationship.

If lovers spend a lot of time
together in disharmony,

they will build anger and become resentful,

letting small problems turn into big arguments

That can destroy the relationship,
or the life of either partner.

Don't make a scene out of it! It's no big deal!

You think it's no big deal?!

Zeta: You are up early tmr,
you should sleep now XD

Frankie: Ok, baby, I'll call you tmr, gd n8

It's just MSN.

So what if I forgot to add a smiley!

It's not just MSN.

How many times have I told you?

Are you trying to be rude?

Fuck! I don't even finish
my sentences with a period

and you expect me to add a goddamned smiley face?

Are you swearing at me?

I swore... but not at you!

You are hopeless!

Failed relationships are a big deal to me.

When people are at their saddest and loneliest,

they usually look up an old friend.

So I naturally thought of him. . .

Congratulations.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Growing up never made me forget

my good friend Wong Jing.

Actually, we kept in touch

through the years.

He'd been up to Shenzhen
a lot for work since graduating

I don't know what weird things he'd been eating,

but it's like he hit another cycle, filling out

into someone tall and handsome.

Pick up girls on the mainland?

Don't think about how far it is.

What we need is to establish

a one-hour swingers club.

One-hour swingers club?!

Simple words that started filling me

with hope and vision.

Such a club would not only
be good for the economy,

but also for the exchange of resources

and cultures between the North and the South.

Being single

with nothing holding me back,

I decided this was a journey worth taking!

This way.

Sir? Over here.

We already booked a sofa.

So why are we standing over here?

Since you got here a bit late,

we had to give it to our frequent customers.

That sofa over there is clearly available.

Same as you, late.

Look, if you can scratch my back,

I can scratch your back.

-And what's that mean?
- See what you can do.

If you would. . .

Right this way.

Here you are.

Beer.

Good. Two dozen to start, then.

Are you kidding me?

How can he do that!

It's just not right.

You can't pinch pennies
when you're out to have fun.

Especially here.

They're coming.

Introduce yourselves.

Hi, I'm Frankie.

Hi, uh, Funky? I'm Dorathy.

What? Dolphin?

I'm Jeekalin.

- Jeekalin...
- Yamade.

"Yamade" is a name?

Why not "Kimochi"?

How about a drink? Beer?

These were girls Jing picked up before.

Frankly, they're not much to look at,

with hair and makeup all about the same.

and by the time I hit the toilet.
I couldn't tell one from the other.

But those racks.

They definitely left an impression.

Is it the artificial bread, the weight-loss pills,

or the contaminated fish they eat

that messes with their DNA?

Most HK girls have tits

you can barely pinch.

But these boobs?

I just want to grab them!

We're separated by just one river,
but what a difference!

All I can say is,
"Different regions, different grapes."

We're out of drinks. Waiter!

Two bottles of Matisseand a dozen green teas!

One Long Island Iced Tea, Martini

They can hardly say their own English names,

but when it comes to drinks, they might even

be more accurate than native speakers.

If they just used cocktails

as their names

they'd be much better off.

It's my turn, ten!

Let me play, come on...

You asked for it!

Ready... ten!

Fifteen.

My turn, ready?... ten!

Fifteen.

Ready... all open! Drink up!

Why play with her when she always loses?

Let's play in a group.

Drink up! You lost again!

So arrogant.

Yeah. What of it?

Keep drinking.

Hey, Jeekalin,

I think you should change your name
to Black Russian.

Then it would actuallysound right when you say it.

What? Don't be stupid.

Let's go "dang-sing."

Yeah, he's crazy.

Seriously,

I'm fine if your chicks want to
fill up the table with drinks.

But do they think we're fools?

That this is some kind of open bar

for wine-tasting?

Remember: when you're out to play,
you're only out to play.

What's that supposed to mean?

I never ask the girl's number
when I get a happy ending massage.

When downloading porn,

I delete it as soon as I've watched it.

Think about what I'm telling you.

Jing is really quite reckless.

He treats emotions as carelessly
as he spends money.

Could it be that I have
something to learn from him?

Zeta: Be strong (: P)

You can't worry so much when you're out.

How else can you forget the past.

I had no response for that.

A seasoned veteran with years of experience,

Jing knew me better than ever before.

Who would bring a Polaroid to a disco?

They had me thinking that the photographer

Yasumasa Yonehara was here.

But a closer look revealed Hong Kong guys

with less than discerning taste.

The way they were holding those dogs

reminded me of economist

Paul Samuelson's theory of Happiness

equaling Utility divided by Desire.

Did I just have my sights set too high?

Or must I lower my standards when I'm out

in order to be happy?

I believe in you.

Have patience and you'll get there.

This snide remark

was the second time I wanted to hit Jing.

The first time was after going camping.

But as a long time Arsenal fan,

I'd long learned to have patience.

After that time, we went up to Shenzhen

nearly every week to have fun.

But in all actuality,

we were going up for nothing.

That Saturday, Jing and I went up again.

It was raining cats and dogs that night,

a night I'll never forget.

During those months, I realized that

the disco was a very straightforward place.

No matter if you were looking
for a one night stand,

if you're giving or getting, it's the same.

there's no beating about the bush.

Unlike trying to get a normal girl.

Ever heard of the five-second rule?

It means that if two strangers

exchange a look for more than five seconds,

something important is going to happen.

Of course, you have to be smart
about the other person,

or else you could be in for a beating.

The magic of her gaze could have pulled me in,

regardless of a beat-down.

And just when I couldn't come up
with a good ice-breaker...

Can I come to your table?

Absolutely...

I mean, sure you can.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Am I. . . intruding here?

No.

Go on, don't worry about us.

I don't usually come here,

so I'm a little out of place.

My friend had me come out
to keep her company,

but she's not here, yet.

Oh, I see.

If you told me you were a virgin,
I'd still believe you!

Oh, I still haven't introduced myself.

My name is Frankie.

My name is Fish, you know, the swimming kind. . .

Fish, such a cute name. It suits you.

Who uses a name like Fish these days?

Idiotic, really.

Cheers!

Actually, my friend had a breakup today.

She called me over to keep her company.

So here I am.

But it's no fun here.

Some friend, leaving you hanging this way.

But don't worry. I can take her place.

What kind of work do you do?

I'm in sales.

After drinking and talking,

Turns out she's from the countryside, but

has been in Shenzhen for a few years.

She opened up a boutique with a friend

and came here after work to meet her.

I really should thank her friend

for her breakup and being late.

You're out on a Saturday night.

Doesn't your boyfriend mind?

Actually. . .

There's no friend with a breakup.
I'm the one who got dumped.

I'm really, really, really upset. So...

Could you keep me company tonight?

At first, I had doubts if the four words

"keep me company tonight" meant
what I thought she was hinting at.

Actually, I don't really like it here.

But her body language...

How about we go back to my place?

reassured me.

Won't it be inconvenient
or a bother to your family?

I live alone.

You can stay with me tonight.

Sometimes it's hard to believe
when Luck knocks on your door.

I could still hardly believe it myself.

In that situation,

how could I refuse?

So I made a quick decision.

Then let's go.

Hey, was that Lucy Liu?

What? Really?

Stupid, she looks more like Maggie Q!

I said you'd get there.

Congratulations.
You got what you'd been waiting for.

Drive that cue home!

Though I wasn't sure why people talk about

a "cue" when describing sex,

I was confident that my cue was going to be

able to clear the table that night.

Sorry, it's been a while since I've cleaned,

so it's a little messy. Hope you don't mind.

That's fine. Might get messier later.

What was that?

Oh, I said it's not bad, that's all.

I'd be better off if you did me now, instead!

Your place is quite comfy.

Yeah, I really like it here,

but I might need to move soon.

Why is that?

I may not be able to afford the rent soon.

Do you think you could help out

and share it with me?

We've only just met.

Be my boyfriend,

then we could live together.
Wouldn't that be great?

What do you say?

I really need someone to take care of me,

because I'm broke.

Two thousand. Just two thousand a month.

Please say yes.

Are you joking?

Fish was likely out looking for a

horny Hong Kong guy for emergency funds.

If I paid her, she'd be my mistress.

And I'm probably

not the only one!

Wouldn't I have to share her around?

It's just too nasty.

I couldn't stand that.

Remember: when you're out to play,
you are only out to play.

I will really like you and treat you really well.

I have a high-level, Western education.

I cannot let myself be easily
taken down by her charm.

Stop it. Please control yourself!

Dammit! Is it even humanly possible

to push her away?

How could I face myself?

We'd only known each other a couple of hours.

If I'm not her only guy,

isn't this kissing really gross?

But aren't spoons licked by

different restaurant customers all the time?

Everyone uses it, no one seems to mind.

Besides, what I'm enjoying right now

is the soft tongue of a beautiful girl!

Why the hell am I still thinking?
What's two grand?

I pay that much to the government every month.

Are they going to French me?

If I'm paying two grand to get bent over

why not pay that to bend someone else over!

At least it will even out my stress.

Okay.

Huh?

Okay. I'll pay you. We'll live together.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I just had them done in Shenzhen.

The doctor said they'll eventually
soften back to normal.

Soften back to normal?

I'm back to normal down there already!

I've grabbed big tits
and I've groped small HK tits.

But I have never felt a pair
of tits as hard as these.

Why?

Why would I be so ignorant to think that

all breasts should be soft?

It's like saying

hot dogs

actually contain dog meat.

I can take drinking fake booze.

I can take Liu Xiang's fake fall,

but I'm not on the national badminton team.

So why fake it with me?

Why is everything here so fake? Why?!

Why? Why play this fake shit on me?

Tits don't have to be real.

Don't let yourself get thrown so easily.

Besides, if you've never held fake ones,

how would you know how great the real ones feel?

I'm never fucking coming back here!

You really not coming back?

Arrrh

Sir, your health is bad,
particularly your kidneys.

That's why we're out, to release some toxins!

Look at your friend.

So healthy, he doesn't fuss at all.

I. . . I told you. I'm not going back!

We also provide after-hours services.

In your current state,
you have to take something special.

Trust me. Come back up one more time.

This is the first time
Jing ever looked straight at me.

I could really feel the amount of concern

he had for me in his eyes.

I'll only go for a look. Only a look.
No messing around!

Tomorrow night. Seven o'clock!

What I really wanted, wasn't
girls up on the mainland.

It was...

Frankie, help me back up my phone.

Hello?

Sorry, baby.

All my friends

said that

I know what the problem is.

I'll change. Don't be mad at me.

Zeta's words moved me.

Actually, Hong Kong girls can be reasonable.

Is this for me?

Kind of.

Do you like it?

Of course.

Shall I put it on for you?

I'd better go shower first.

You'll go shower first?

Somebody already showered
while waiting for you.

Buddha said: Unless you forgive and pardon
all living things,

it is you who will suffer the most.

I fully agree!

Over the past two months, not only

had I gone through so much, but

I've put my "little friend" through worse.

Really making love can't be replaced
by one-night stands.

So when Zeta put her best foot forward

and showed me her new sexy lingerie,

I had nothing to say and forgave her immediately.

Everything was fine, so why turn out the lights?

Well, somebody's a little shy.

Give me a little time to change, okay?

Okay.

I've got good news.

Today is my lunar birthday.

Huh?

I want to celebrate it with you.

I'll let you kiss me here. . .

for ten seconds!

Aren't you thrilled?

Thrilled?!

I really don't understand
why you resist so much

and never let me kiss you there.

After we made out the first time,
I Googled your sickness

and found no such thing as an allergy to saliva!

It's because... I'm ticklish.

There's a first time for everything.
You'll get used to it.

Nipple kissing isn't exactly
a requisite when making love.

Neither is how long one kisses,
or other such things.

What matters is mutual acceptance and tolerance.

So, out of Love, I resolved to tolerate Zeta

and give her a chance to change.

Okay.

Don't be like that. I disinfected
to make you feel safer.

What the?! Bitter? Ah, whatever. . .

1 0...9. . .8...7. . .

3...2. . 1 ..!

Wait. . .

Let me wipe again.

You think I'm a whore?

People keep making the same mistakes,

never learning from them.

Besides Zeta, there's also my Dad.

Dad.

Have you finished with my phone yet?

I'm tired. I'll do it tomorrow.

I have to go back to the mountains
in the morning for charity work.

Hurry up and do it,

or else I'll be in trouble
when your mom gets back.

Come on, just do it!

I finally understood why dad always had me

backup his phone before mom got home.

No one would have guessed that my Dad was the

very same "Hypocritic" that James so revered.

He certainly picked the right name.

Truly every bit, 1 00% a hypocrite.

That Shiu family and their perverted movies,

even doing them in 3D. Totally indecent!

Worse, they even promoted the film at the

Lunar New Year Fair last year,

along with other obscene articles.

It's too bad I have to leave tomorrow,

or else I'd file a complaint
with the Obscene Articles Bureau.

So dirty and perverted!

There has been a water shortage
in those areas lately,

All opposed?

Daddy, if you would
please put this in the minutes.

I have to go back to the mountains
in the morning for charity work.

Come on, just do it!

Honey, have you been busy at the school lately?

Of course. Miss Lee is on leave.

Here's your "obscene articles!"

Frankie! What's wrong, Frankie?

Didn't you say 36 had a big rack? Not even!

Me? Dammit, the 36 I had last time

Actually had a set of 36s!

I'm heading back to get some more of her.

The hell? The chicks weren't hot?

There weren't? Impossible!

But that's the Golden Light Sauna.

What? The Golden Lion?

You fucking think they're all the same?

How many johns

take the train up every day?

I don't know.

I just know I'm fast turning into one of them.

I no longer have the right to judge them.

You can count my sexual experiences

on just three fingers.

But that number will become four

in just a few hours.

And if you count two places past the decimal,

my hit rate sounds better, at 33.33%!

If I was an A-share stock in Shenzhen,

They'd have to halt my trades!

We're here.

Any blood tofu?

Just sold out.

Hey, dickhead!

I told you,

don't waste time picking up bitches!

Straight up get yourself a hooker
and call it a day.

You've made us all late.

So what now?

Now we wait for the van.

Let's get some food first. I'm fucking starving!

I almost forget to mention,

James is no longer working with me.

He now takes care of his family-run factory

on the Mainland.

I remember that one time we went
to Macau for a business meeting.

After arrival, Susan had me fix a report ASAP,

while James went out to take care
of some big clients.

He was back before midnight,
already drunk off his ass.

They've got hookers over here.

You know what's the most important thing
to do in Macau?

Hello, Susan.

Nothing, I was busy.

Sure. You'll have it right away okay?

Real quick, another 5 to 1 0 minutes.

Yes... Okay... Bye!

In Macau, you must get a hooker.

Otherwise, you'll be damned sorry.

And remember, no tipping, got it?

You got it?

Eh? There's already one ringing? Nice!

Wow!

Wow, what?

Where is Frankie?

He said he'd bring the document right over.

Sorry miss. You're not quite right for me.

Go back and tell your manager I want an exchange!

What the fuck, man.

Now they got hookers looking like Susan!

- What're you talking about?
- A Susan hooker?!

- You think I'm a prostitute?
- How can you fuck that?

How dare you, James?

Damn you, get the fuck up!

You're fired!

After that night

I had one less colleague,

James had one less boot to lick,

and Susan finally learned the learned

that, "in wine there is truth."

WASHINGTON SAUNA

I'd seen this kind of look before.

In a documentary about the Battle of Midway.

The tired but victorious American troops
returning to base

gave this kind of look to the men

heading out to relieve them,

passing on a sense of hope and responsibility.

It's starting to rain. Hurry the hell up!

Okay, thanks.

Oh, great. It's fucking late now.

So if we're late they run out of chicks?

No, you don't fucking have to worry.

I just called Jackie the manager

to hold some back for us.

Otherwise, we'd be picking from the rubbish pile.

Oh, right, what did you tell Zeta

that let you sneak out?

Zeta isn't like she was before.

And after crossing the border,

I'm like a new man myself.

Huh? What the hell are you babbling about?

Forget it.

First, let me give you a word of warning.

If you see someone picking out

a totally hideous broad,

don't you dare laugh.

You know, "Beauty is in the eyeof the beholder"

I've seen it happen a lot.

Oh.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, how may I address you?

- Mr. James.
- Mr. James.

- Wong.
- Mr. Wong.

- Mr. Frankie.
- Frankie.

Have any of our managers helped you before?

No, but I'd called and spoke to a Jackie.

Jackie? Well that's me.

So you're the gentleman who called earlier.

You're Jackie?

But your name tag says "Toman"

Well, it's kind of complicated.

"To Man Chet" is of course the real name
of the actor Chapman To.

And since my name sounds so similar,

people called me Chapman, then Chap,

then Jack and finally Jackie.

So you can call me Jackie, as well!

Who the fuck cares?! Let's get this on!

You three gents have arrived just in time

for our nightly "Flower Show"

What do you mean "Flower Show"

We have all available girls

gather around in the lobby

for you all to look over and pick.

This way.

Hurry, over here.

Wow!

What are you wow-ing?

Just fucking felt like it. So what?

These are definitely the best of the bunch.

Gents,

if you see one you like, just let me know.

Dammit!

You trying to steal my clients again?

Where did you hear that from?

I saw it with my own two eyes!

Jackie Chan?

It's Jackie Chin.

That's right.

Who cares? It doesn't fucking matter!

I won't go into it with you all today.

But the fact is that these three

had just spoken to me on the phone

and asked to arrange a shuttle for them.

Which of you gentlemen is James?

You see?

You don't even know which one is Mr. James.

Anyone who answers to such a common name
is now your client? Bullshit!

Mr. James, you tell her.

Tell her you called me and not her.

Whom did you call earlier?

What? Well, I don't know. . .

You can't tell the difference between
a man's voice and a woman's?

What?

I was more worried about
reserving chicks for you two idiots,

What do I care who I was talking to?

You two work out your own problems

and stop getting in our way.

Hear that? Quit bothering my clients!

Is that so! You steal my clients and try
to turn this around on me!

Have you lost your mind?!

- What?!
- What

Quit it, both of you! Go get your manager!

I am the manager!

There are three of us. You each help one of us.

The third will get a girl from each of you.

You'll both have business, okay?

Great idea, I don't mind being the third one.

I don't mind. The customer is always right.

You're just sucking up now, eh?

Think you can scare me?

I should be taking all of this.

But now you want me to split it?
You want to take half from me?

Dream on!

Say what you want, but don't poke me!

- What?!
- What?!

You don't think it's fair.

You say the customer is always right.

He always is.

How about

we pick based on

whoever gives the best pitch?

- Sure!
- Bring it on!

- Come. . .
- Stand straight. .

Girls, meet the gentlemen.

Gentlemen, we welcome you here on your

first visit to Washington Sauna.

My girls are renowned for their supple,
creamy breasts.

A pleasure to play with.

Take a look at No. 36, whose chest
is at least a 36!

Her excellent service has won her
many frequent customers.

Come, jump a couple of times and show them.

Gentlemen, "excellent service"is easy enough to say,

but check out No. 1 1 .

She goes by "Boundless"

and is known for unreal blowjobs!

Not only is she pretty,

but there are so many things you can do with her!

Aren't these tits something?

Sure, talk is cheap. But where's the proof?

You gents should have a feel for yourselves first!

- Go ahead. Go grab whatever you like.
- That's really not necessary.

But aren't them firm?

Sir, look. Pink nipples!

I told you not to go tanning so much!

Get lost!

See, these ones are really pink.

Come on and have a feel!

Just grab them!

What's the big deal? Mine are pink, too!

Wait,

I meant my girls'!

If feeling them up isn't good enough,

suck on them! Come on and have a suck!

No, over here.

You just said hers were bouncy.

Here! These are pinker!

Suck on these, go on...

Jackie, your clients are here for you.

- Got it!
- They're here for me!

So how'd they feel?

Hard. . .

What "hard"?

Hard to tell.

Fuck! What a wasted chance!
Should've let me do it!

Don't get me wrong.
"Hard to tell" wasn't meant to be clever.

I was just too embarrassed to tell

any difference or even enjoy the fun.

This place isn't just a metaphorical meat market.

These girls are marketed, picked and tested

like any ordinary produce.

People here, whether guests, girls, or hosts,

lose all dignity as soon as they walk in.

Hey Jackie, remember to put me down for 1 06.

If you see someone picking out

a totally hideous broad,

don't you dare laugh.

You know, "Beauty is in the eyeof the beholder"

I've seen it happen a lot.

Ugly trim is still trim.
Still better than doing it yourself.

To each his own. Leave him be.

No. 21 1 , stand up.

You marked me for No. 1 06,

but if I see a better one, can I switch?

No problem. Change until you're satisfied.

But look, your two friends

still haven't picked any.

And if you come back after eating

the "Flower Show" will already be over.

Didn't expect to see such an elegant

and pure beauty here.

Look at her,

she probably even eats healthy.

Shit. If she ate healthy,

you think she'd stick yours in her mouth? Dumbass.

Jackie, please put me down for No. 21 1 .

Very good. Thank you.

Jing, you pick one?

Then let's go eat first

and pick again later.

This way please.

Know what you want?

If not, let's get some beers first.

Do you think they have Hoegaarden?

You're an idiot!

Waiter, give me two bottles of beer

with three glasses.

- Hey, what are you doing up here?
- Just bringing up a buddy to get broken in.

Virgin?

Yeah, over there.

He sure does look it.

Check out who I brought with me!

Frankie...

and you said you weren't one of us.

What a crock of shit!

I said it before. All cats eat fish.

And you have no idea how good

roast goose tastes until you've had it!

Alright, he knows now.

Stop teasing him. Have one with me.

Nah, I've already had a lot.

Oh yeah, how about we meet up here
and do a little performance review

over breakfast tomorrow?

Cool, no problem here. Ask him.

Okay.

Okay then, I won't get in the way
of your "roast goose"

See you tomorrow.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

What's so weird about running into
other guys here?

If you ran into chicks, that would be trouble.

So you know what you want to eat, yet?

Didn't the waiter put out
a final callfor roast goose?

Roast goose? Wasn't it the chicken pot?

You ready or not?

No.

Drink up, come on. . .

The beer in front of me is amber enough,

but it's so cloudy.

It's as unclear as the things in my life

that I actually have control over.

Right now, I feel so lost.

What the hell should I have?

Chicken pot, or braised mud carp?

Where're you going?
You haven't ordered a damned thing

Egg and ham noodles are fine.

The toilet isn't over there.

Oh, uh, really?

Love unrestrained, and joy abounds.

Music reminds, of lovers since gone. . .

I just need to piss, what's with the poetry?

And what are you doing out here, anyway?

Second thoughts are inevitable

when one is making up one's mind.

But I believe I made the right decision.

Decision? What decision?

Did you finally pick a girl?

Actually, I already saw my Juliet back there.

No. 21 1 ?

Jackie, please put me down for No. 21 1 .

Jing, you pick one?

Why didn't you mark her down back then?

Because you are in greater need.

Though two months younger than I,

Jing has always conceded everything to me.

Yet over the years,
I have never given him a single thing.

So this time I have decided that
I will yield this girl to him.

21 1 is all yours.

I know what you are thinking.
But if you go back now,

you will never forget the person
you want to forget.

Indeed. How could I have come all this way,

a three hour journey, picked out a girl,

only to turn around
and leave without doing a thing?

There is a deep truth to Jing's words.

It is no small miracle

for a friend to know me so well.

So I decided that tonight

I'd take No. 21 1 and go all out.

Hang on. A man should keep his word.

What the hell? Did he just read my mind?

It's late now. The "Flower Show" is over.

There are fewer girls now.

What?

Don't worry, I'll send them in in groups

for your selection.

I promise you'll find one you want.

Otherwise, just switch for another.

First come in, and I'll go arrange it.

Good evening, sir.

I am 1 28, from...

I am 708, from...

I am 303, from...

I am...

What the hell are they saying?
I didn't understand a word of it.

Who fucking cares? Just pick one!

Any you like?

Hurry up already and fucking pick anyone!

No.

Leave.

Really? Not a one?

There aren't many left out there.

This next round is probably your last chance.

After this round,

if you still cannot decide,

there's nothing I can do.

Go. Set them up.

It's surprising that Jackie saying

this was my "last chance"

made me even more nervous.

If Jing hadn't held me back just
a few minutes ago,

I would already have been long gone.

Why is picking a girl

making me so uneasy?

Is it that I'm the same as my father

and have the DNA for being a john?

Good evening, sir.

I'm sorry. Wrong room. . .

- Go, leave.
- Congrats, you've finally grown up.

Gentlemen, I'll get your rooms set up.

Make it quick.

Remember, breakfast tomorrow, dickhead!

Come, let me take off your jacket.

Er, thanks.

You Hong Kong guys are so polite.

Wow, this chair is so cool!
It's like a Transformer!

This is a "uDivine", I can serve you

on it later if you'd like.

A uDivine? Andy Lau wasn't kidding.

I feel like a god in this.

For whatever "my body's specific need"

there is a "Human 3D massage" program.

Might be a security check. Let me go see.

Security check? Don't you mean a raid?
No fucking way!

Those words made my legs wobblier than

if I'd fucked non-stop for a week!

Hello, mum,

I've been a bad son and got caught with a hooker!

I won't be home for dinner for the next 1 5 days,

don't worry about me. . .

I need to hang up now, mom...

Why does shit keep happening to me?

Nevermind the tail, my pants are still on

and I'm gonna be locked up for 1 5 days?!

Boss, I've been arrested
for soliciting a prostitute.

I'll have to take a two week leave...

Whatever, just remember to take clients' calls

and reply to their emails.

Oh, okay. . .

Hey, buddy, let me borrow your phone.

I ran out of juice in the middle of a call.

It's you. Didn't you go to the Golden Lion Sauna?

What fucking Golden Lion Sauna?

It's Golden Light,

You think they're all the same? Fucker...

Thanks so fucking much.

Wasn't it supposed to be untouchable?

Dammit, that's what I thought, too.

Give me your phone.

No calls inside the cell.

Take it.

Ain't mine anyway. Fucker.

A customer got drunk, it was nothing.

I was just kidding, don't worry.

Just kidding? What the fuck!

Look at you, your face is covered in sweat.

This is not fucking funny at all!

Were you scared?

No, I was just worried about all the exercise.

I should stretch first...

Let's lie on the bed.

The gap between us can't be more than

1 5 centimeters.

I couldn't look her in the eye.

She puts her hand on my chest

and though it doesn't move,

my face is all flush and my heart pounds.

To break the silence,

I decided to summon up all my will and say...

What' your name?

My name is Celia.

Is that short for Cecilia like in the song

"Celia, you're breaking my heart"

It's just Celia.

Oh.

I think you're special.

Special? What kind of special?

Like, especially ugly?

Not ugly,

just special.

Let me give you a blowjob first!

What she said totally threw me off!

We met barely 1 0 minutes ago,

hardly exchanged a word,
and she's offering me that!

Damn, it's amazing enough
to hear it from a beautiful girl,

what else could possibly be in store?

But let's wash up before I blow you, okay?

You fill this out while I go get ready.

I know every word on this form,

but none of it makes any sense.

Star Wars, Little Bee, 1 0-Finger Piano,

Round the World, Flying Trapeze?

Dragon Drill and Pop-Rock Pearls?

Though I'm staring at it, completely lost,

I don't want to give her the impression that

I'm the sort of guy who lacks confidence and

can't make any decisions.

So I figure... I'll tick them all!

You can come in now.

Okay.

It's big.

What's big?

It's just big.

I know "big" is a relative adjective,

so I am not sure if she means

I'm bigger than most customers,

or just bigger than a toothpick.

Let's start with waterbed service.

First comes "Dragon on Earth".

Next is "Star Wars".

Turn over.

Then the "1 0-Finger Piano" and "Round the World".

I'd never messed

with vibrators before.

This will be my first time.
It ought to be worth remembering.

This must be the "Earth-Shaker".

"Raising the Moon", then?

It's called "Up-Root"!

Just relax.

I had never thought my rear
would be tamed like this.

But to be honest,

I kind of like it!

Next, the "Dragon Drill".

Oh, I almost forgot to ask...

do you want Pop-Rocks?

What?

You take bubble tea pearls and stick them inside.

I've heard guys say that it's really nice.
Want to try?

What? No!

Don't worry, it'll be fine!

I'll be fine without.

I'm surprised you're not offering to stick
real pearls in while you're at it

My ass had its first intruder not two minutes ago.

Since she's pretty, I can tolerate

such a limited inspection,

but that does not mean

dumping random trash in there is cool!

It's not that

I would have her written up,

but one should give as much as one gets:

my sharp tongue would be evening this score.

What number bath is this for you today?

The fifth.

For just a moment, I felt sorry for her.

Is bathing so many times a day

with strange men considered clean or dirty?

I can't decide.

No people in this world outside

of prostitutes and

Doraemon's friend Shizuka would bathe so much.

Do you have any plans?

Maybe save enough to start a business?

I still don't know, yet.

Oh, I know. You want to gain more experience

by working here first, then get

an escort job at the karaoke next door

where you can learn some more.

I actually used to work at that karaoke.

I was forced to drink every single day,

and propositioned every single night.

I never had a decent night's rest

until finally I met one customer

who treated me well and would always request me,

so I decided to get serious with him,

but he soon found a new girl

and dumped me...

I am such a useless nobody...

Please don't cry. Save your tears

for times of joy.

I came here

for a good time,

so how did it turn into a crying session?

Time is ticking away and

she's not doing anything.

Fuck! Could she be an Arsenal fan,

trying the corner kick tactic

to burn the clock?!

But then it turns out I've got her all wrong. . .

Thank you, I'm done crying.

Let's continue.

Who came up with this

Fire and Ice technique?

I have my suspicions,

but in any case, it's so natural

that it must have to do with yin and yang.

I firmly believe that this and bareback blowjobs

are the greatest Chinese inventions

since rice and noodles.

Let's go back to the bed, okay?

I'll get things ready.

Frankly, if you said go to hell,
I'd start digging.

What are you doing?

Doing the "Flying Trapeze" for you.

"Flying Trapeze"?

It's an upside-down blowjob.

That's quite all right.
Why don't you come back down.

But you ticked it,

so if I don't do it, they'll penalize me.

Don't worry. I'm the one asking you not to.

Don't do anything else.

You don't want anything?

Really? Nothing at all?

Can you make me feel good?

Yes.

Let me try being on top.

I've never met a girl who asked
to swap positions.

To me, it's as rare as

a girl who's never late.

Do you know where my hometown is?

That's not the point.

Then what's your point?

The point is, everyone there

learns horseback from an early age.

Can I go faster?

It feels so good. Can you go longer?

Celia is, without a doubt,
an experienced jockette,

Who knows how many times
she's walked the winner's circles?

I bed she's ridden more men than

Douglas Whyte rides horses!

Her desire is so flattering.

I have never met an employee

so willing to work OT.

And I will help her the whole way.

Sex is funny:

the less you concentrate,

the better you can last.

So I decided to look around and

distract myself

with other things.

I work hard to pay for your studies in England.

How can you even face me?

What's wrong?

Am I going too hard? Does it hurt?

Err... No...

No problem. I can blow him back up.

Let me get a wet tissue...

Wet tissue?!

You know how many germsare out there these days.

Once disinfected, it is such a relief!

We are a democracy, let's vote on whether

Frankie should solicit hookers or not.

I said not to treat me like a hooker,

but you didn't have to go find a real one!

I don't want anything to do with a john!
I hate you!

That's not right.
Men are born willing to pay for it.

It's like eating out of hunger.

Isn't there enough food at home?

You bastard! Acting so righteous and

preaching about not surfing the web for hookers.

You're no different than "The Hypocritic"!

Please stop calling me by my screen name.

Son, I am the one who set a bad example!

I am a liar and the true hypocrite!

But that doesn't mean I have no integrity.

Like father, like son

I always had my doubts. As if you're

really such a selfless volunteer.

Do you and Auntie usually disinfect?

Stand straight! Stop whoring!

Go back and write 1 000 times

"I'm not allowed to get hookers again"!

Hand it in tomorrow!

A complaint was filed against your whoring.

Did you throw this condom out the window?

Officer, private matters should not
be discussed in public

I'm only up here because a complaint was filed.

You'd best double-check.

Honey, I'm wearing a T-back today!

Please check more carefully, officer!

I told you not to overthink everything.

Why do you worry so much?

You won't be able to forget the past.

Shut up!

I. . . I didn't mean you. . .

I don't smoke, it's unhealthy

You should quit.

It's time for me to leave.

I'll see you out.

You are a good person.

That was satisfying and felt really good.

Then will we meet again?

Sure.

But you'll forget about me very soon.

Why don't I give you my QQ number.

Okay.

Goodbye.

I think you really are special.

I won't forget you.

You are beautiful.

I won't forget you.

Just order any damned thing already.

Okay, we're all here.

Everyone take out 20 bucks.

Why should I give 20 bucks?

Whatever, just do it.

Okay, gentlemen

We all had a good time last night.

Now it's time

to report your goal scores!

My friend Nick here

will explain.

Everyone write down the number of times

you came on a piece of paper.

You don't have to write your name

unless you really want to.

Then we each get one guess at the total.

Guess right and you take the pot.

Multiple winners will split it, okay?

Okay.

Your friends are ridiculous.

Whatever, just put it down!

Okay. From left to right,
each person guess a number.

Okay, let's see. . .

Wow, 1 !

This guy is a wimp!

You kidding me? What a waste!

She said it was her first day

and had no experience, so I...

Fuck! They all say that!

What a sucker.

Wow, 0!

Just when you think it can't get worse.

That's gotta be a joke.

Right. Whoever has the balls
to confess gets his money back.

And I'll put in another 500 of my own. Anyone?

No one want to own up? Fine.

Seven?!

No need to guess! It was me!

You could. . . seven times with that one?

What do you know?

Guys come out for what?

Definitely not to find a wife!

Which means you have to pick one

who knows the meaning of service.

The ugly ones are always overlooked,

so you're doing them a favour by picking them

and they will repay you with double the effort.

I'm thirsty.

Here.

I can take the pressure, harder.

Okay. Is that good?

Not bad. Cigarette.

Here.

Hot ones don't worry about having customers.

If you don't take them, someone else will.

What do they care?

Truly, a master among men.

- That means your Juliet. . .
- Yes.

Can we start?

Take off your clothes, then come in.

Why are you only scrubbing this side?

. . .so this is "Bikini Style"?

What the fuck do you want?!

You can was the other parts, too.

Sure...

It kinda hurts, can you. . . be gentler?

Your dick is so fucking tiny,

if I don't go hard, it'll slip out of my hand!

Dry yourself and wait outside.

If that's it, I'm off to the factory.

Call if you want to do it again.

Dickhead!

We all headed back, then?

I've decided to stay another night.

I'm your girlfriend.

Of course I'll be the first to support you!

I'll always be your number one fan!

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Why do you seem so different today?

In what way? I'm the same.

I want to ask you a questions,

but don't get mad.

So ask.

Have you ever had a prostitute?

Sir, are you feeling unwell?

Do you need any help?

I'm okay, thanks.

Just a little sentimental.

(I'm finally not a nobody XD)

It's said that desire is like a boundless forest.

Once you're inside, it's hard to come back out.

Does this journey lead to a paradise of pleasures,

or an underworld of sin?

"ORIGINAL BY XIAN XI MURAKAMI HARUKI"

"Screenplay, Directed by and Starring MARK WU"

Hey dad, you can go now.

You stay right here, don't move.
I'm going to go buy something.

I watch him in his black-framed glasses

and his grey jacket,

hobbling to the railway tracks,

easing himself down without too much trouble.

But when he crosses the tracks and

has to climb up the opposite platform,
it isn't so easy.

With two hands reaching up,
two feet trying to follow,

his body lists to the left,

bringing his struggling face into view.

I then see his silhouette and

it brings me to tears.

I wipe them away,

fearing that he will see, that others will see.

When I turned to look again, he was

already coming back with a bag of oranges.

But dad. . . I don't eat oranges. . .

Oh, these aren't for you.

The condoms up there break easily.

But I was just going to the manga expo.

James recommends number 88,
says she's awesome.

Already had her.

The train's here. I'm off.

At that moment, I finally understand

the meaning of the lesson on "Silhouette"

And my dad and I

have never been closer.

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