Original subtitles

Hello desert wanderers, I am the Love-roo.

That's a road bike?

Yeah, it's Triumph.

You trying to sex up your image a bit, mate?

Gees Will, we've be on for months.

On the internet.

We're not on the internet anymore.

We are wrong together.

We both know it.

I'm an open book, girl.

Oh, so you want me to tell theworld you're in love with Jess?

How did we end up here?

Two days ago we were fightingand knocking each other out.

Jess, will you marry me?

Yes.

She's only 23 years old, how can

you mate for life at that age?

Well, I got married when I was 23.

Yeah, look how that ended.

Sorry, I take that one back.

MICHAEL: My nan always saidsome things are best kept quiet.

In her book, secrets were good.

You give away your secretsthen you give away your power.

But I don't know.

Sometimes I wonder ifit's good to have secrets.

Sometimes I think it'll bebetter just to come clean,

get it all out in the open.

Tell that girl how you feel.

Confess the thing you never told anyone about.

I know I'm supposed to be the Love-roo,

but to tell you the truth, Idon't have a clue about love.

But I do know what it's liketo have a secret for years

and never tell a living soul.

So tonight desert wanderers, I want

you to tell us your secrets.

Secret love's, secret fears,maybe something you've done.

Now is your chance to getit all out in the open.

If there's anyone out therelistening, this is the Love-roo

and I'm waiting to hear from you.

[THEME - BRIDIE, FRANK YAMMA "PITJANTJARA"]

Take me to that open silent space where

the earth breathes your name.

Meet me underneath the starlight sky.

All our troubles fade away.

Hold me now as the golden sunlight

warms across your face.

La, la, la, la.

These are for you.

There are a few more emails I haven't

had a chance to print out yet.

You must have really inspired our listeners,

there's a heap of letters there.

Whoa.

Better guard them with yourlife, pretty explosive stuff.

Yeah, I will.

See you later.

See you.

[car door closing]

Wow babe, when did you do all this?

Oh, I can't reallysleep past about 6:00 AM.

"Enjoy the food, love Nat."

Oh.

Yeah, well I didn't claimto have made everything.

We should have an engagementparty before I go back.

It's a good excuse to put some of your friends

together with some of mine.

You know, we get Nat and Toby and Michael,

and get them together with Rob and the boys.

Think that'd be a night to remember.

Yeah, yeah great.

Do want me to get you someextra socks from the car?

Hey, I'm not getting cold feet.

Well, how come every time I mention

wedding plans you go quiet?

Why don't we get marriedbefore you go back to work?

No, I'm serious.

Neither of us have much on in the next month,

and you're going to have togo away for two months back

to the mines.

It just it would make sense to do it now.

It does, but I mean are youhappy to get married that soon?

Pick a number.

Go on.

Any number between one and 30.

17.

Done, we're getting married on the 17th.

- Are you serious? - Yes.

For real?

Yeah.

Yes!

Walk, walk, and turn.

Walk, walk, and turn.

He's really getting very good these little turns,

and now we've got a very niceswivel, thank you very much,

as he moves across so don't look up because he

is just about to stop.

It's a lovely technique, that'sthe stand over technique.

What?

Singles night.

I just don't think I can do it again.

But you didn't give it a chance.

Sorry Helen, but I just don'tthink I could do another one.

It wasn't that bad.

PATRICK: It was fun.

[music playing]

I'm sorry Helen, it's just not your fault,

just that creative thingsaren't your strong point.

Where you going?

Out.

I'm not creative and I'm obviously not

very good at making suggestionsfor your special nights,

so I'll just stick to my job.

Come on Helen, don't take it like that.

It's time that I pursuedmy other interests.

What other interests?

Have a nice day.

You too sweetie.

See you tonight.

OK.

ELLIE: OK, bye.

Bye.

[door closing]

[coughing]

Forgot my Jacket.

What you up to?

MATT: Nothing.

Got my jacket.

Have you got me a present?

No.

You have, you got me a present.

No, I haven't.

Well, you've got asecret though haven't you?

I don't.

Honestly nothing's going on.

It's a pity, secrets are sexy.

See you tonight.

See you.

I've got otherinterests, plenty of them.

Hey Helen, are you the muse of Alice?

No Patrick, I'm theaccountant of Alice, remember?

Oh well, I'm very surprised at you.

Aren't you interested inhaving a go or setting yourself

a challenge?

No.

I am so not interested.

[music playing]

MICHAEL: Hey Mrs. D.

Hey Mikey.

What's happening?

Oh, I was clearing out the garage

and I thought you might like this.

Yeah, I know it's pretty useless,

but you might trythrowing it at something.

Always found the best wayto get over a broken heart

is to destroy white goods.

Right.

Made you some [inaudible] too.

Thanks mom, I'll eat them for play lunch.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Mom I'm fine, happy as.

Look, we've got to go, OK?

Thanks for the bickies.

[music playing]

Damn it, the area's closed.

What is it?

[inaudible] business, we can't go through there.

What are we going to do?

What's a secret about what they're doing?

Surely you can tell us?

Hell, we're all Australian aren't we?

Mate, I don't know whatthey're doing, it's secret.

Look we can take you back totown and refund your money

or we can--

Or we could take you to the other place.

Wallamy Canyon?

Oh, I don't know.

No, no, come on, what's the place?

We shouldn't take youthere, it's a bit off the map.

Well, that sounds more like it.

OK well, if you promise not to tell anyone.

Sure.

Yeah, all right.

Fine, let's go.

PATRICK: There were nine muses sent to inspire

humanity to great heights.

Clio, Calliope, Phalia but of course,

the greatest muse of all was Helen.

Oh, yes, Helen.

Face that launched 1,000 ships.

All right, I'll do it.

Helen.

I just want to apologizeabout what I said this morning

about you not being creative.

You are creative, you're very creative.

You're creative with accounting and we

all know that creative accounting--

- Jack. - Put--

Do you mind I really needto make this phone call?

Do you mind?

Sorry.

[beeping]

Hello, I'm calling about your ad,

and I suppose you need my name and my number.

So, um, I'm-- my name's Camille, you can call me

on 701051982 thanks very much look forward

to hearing from you, bye.

Well I, I love that name,it's, it's very creative.

Yeah.

OK, anything that you wouldlike to tell me now that we're

really going to get married?

Not really.

No, really I want, I want us to be honest

and tell each other everything.

So if there's anything at all shoot.

All right well, you shouldprobably know that I did once

ask another woman to marry me.

Her name was Julie Stephens.

Julie Stephens, what happened?

She said no.

Kicked me in the shinsand threw sand in my eyes

and then stole my lunchbox.

[laughing]

So that's it then.

That's about as deep and dark as I get, baby.

What about you then?

We'll pick you up at the end of the trail.

OK, sure.

I reckon we've got fourhours before the next tour

buses are in.

Now the walk will take them two hours,

then you can feed them andget the hell out of here.

You're a genius.

What are you waiting for, come on.

What if something happens to them?

It's a well-marked trail.

Yeah Michael, this is a guided tour.

If something does happento them they could sue us.

Toby.

He's a lawyer.

Look, you go on to the end of the track,

I'll go and check on them.

No, we'll both go.

No, no, no, the Love-roo needs his rest.

I'll see you at the other end.

You know the day that you came and proposed.

Mm-hmm.

I thought you werecoming to break up with me.

What?

Why would you think that?

I don't know, you were acting so strangely.

Yeah, well I mean I was a little

nervous that you might say no.

I thought you were and--

and I--

You what?

I-- I was just so shocked,and I'm really glad you asked.

I'm so glad you said yes.

So am I.

[music playing]

Damn it.

Check that out.

Hey, you checking out the wildlife?

Yeah.

You know for a place that'ssupposed to be secret there's

an awful lot of signs.

Not to mention people.

Now he's romantic.

Ellie?

Mm?

Have you ever had a muse?

Oh, well I certainly had a creative surge

when I started seeing Matt.

Because he appreciates your work?

Yeah, well there's that too.

Hello, Baa Bar.

Oh.

No, I'm sorry you've got the wrong number.

Oh yummy.

How about you, Nat?

Have you ever been inspired?

Camille?

Camille who?

We spent a whole summer perfecting creme brulee.

I gained about three kilos,and he started to stink.

These are inspired.

Try this.

All right, I'll ask if you like.

Camille, is there anyonehere by the name of Camille?

Um, uh.

JACK: Camille?

I know Camille, she's a friend,

I can pass the message on.

Thanks.

[background chatter]

WOMAN: OK, all right.

[wind blowing]

Shit.

WOMAN1 [VOICEOVER]: He woulddie if he knew my secret,

but I've always wanted--

[interposing voices]

WOMAN2 [VOICEOVER]: I alwaysthought we'd end up together.

Oh, we didn't have to sayit, we both just knew it,

and one day as women came in from nowhere

and took him away from me.

You want to know my biggestregret I got married

and I had kids but I was alwaysin love with somebody else.

All right!

I bloody get it!

A month?

Well, that's great congratulations.

You could be a little bit happier.

Well I am.

I am happy for the both ofyou, but just a lot of take in,

you know.

First you get engaged andnow there's a wedding.

[laughing] That's sort of how it happens, Jack.

You get engaged and then you get married.

We just we thought we'd keep you in the loop.

Good.

Well, congratulations hey.

Thank you.

Darren, we'll have to catchup later on for a beer or two,

you know, get to know eachother a little bit better.

Yeah, no that'd be greatJack, I'd really like that.

Yeah, that's settled then hey.

Come here big fella.

Oh!

Oh!

What's going on here?

Jess and Darren have set adate in a month on the 17th.

All right.

Michael can I just.

Yeah I need book you for a singles night.

Congrats.

Oh, thank you mate.

Thank you.

Hi there.

Shouldn't you be at work?

Just taking a break.

You taking a nap?

Yeah.

Don't say a word, I don'tneed any lectures from you.

The desert ranger.

What the hell are you doingtalking to that idiot again?

Didn't you get hurt enough the first time?

I miss talking to him.

Maybe we're better as onlinefriends than anything else.

Spunky Monkey.

What kind of a name is Spunky Monkey?

If he's so cool about beingjust friends, why the hell

you pretending to be somebody else?

You should talk about pretending.

You hide behind that Mr. Cool image,

never telling anybody how you really

feel, but I know you Mr. Love-roo,

I know what your secret is.

You don't know the first thing about me.

You are the muse of the Alice.

OK, now you look alittle bit like the bunny

ball of the Alice.

You're supposed to inspire not terrify.

Think-- think Mona Lisa.

Think Marlene Dietrich.

Think Johnny Depp.

Johnny Depp?

Think about what you'rehaving for dinner tonight.

That's it.

That is perfect.

[music playing]

You're listening to the Love-roo.

Yeah, just a reminder about singles night

at the Baa Bar tomorrow night.

Time to get out of the houseand meet some new people.

Now, we have a letter here from a Max.

He's 50 and he lives out on a station.

And Max writes that he's beenin love with the same girl

since he was seven.

Problem is, so is his best mate.

Anyway, they both ended up losing the girl

to another bloke and he writes here

that he'll go to his grave regretting

that he never told the girl how he

really felt about her, becausethe secret's been killing him.

Well, thanks for your letter Max,

and if there's any wise old desert

wanderers that can help Maxout with any advice, call in.

[music playing]

[SINGING] When you're drifting on the ocean--

Oh, I used to love this song.

Really?

Do you play any instruments?

No, musically challenged man.

Tone deaf.

No rhythm.

All right Darren, tell me all about yourself.

Lay it on the line, we got afull bar and we got all night.

Hopefully we won't need all night.

I am an engineer out at the mines.

I bought my own house two years ago.

I'm in love with your daughter Jess.

It's about it.

- Want another one? - Yeah.

Here [inaudible].

Maybe a game of pool?

Yeah.

[music playing]

ELLIE: Matt?

Hang on.

ELLIE: Matt, I'm home.

Hang on.

ELLIE: Matt? - Just a minute.

ELLIE: What are you doing?

Hang on.

Matt?

Huh?

Oh, is this what you've been hiding from me?

No.

[laughing] Oh, I love it.

It smells so good.

Yeah.

Can you put it on for me?

No.

No.

Please?

No.

You're live on the Love-roo, what

advice have you got for Max?

MAN [ON RADIO]: I've beenlistening to your show

over the last couple of nights and well, it

seems to me that all you people with your secrets

are hiding from life.

And I think Max has to rememberthat, well life doesn't

come to you, you've got to go out

and grab it with both hands.

Take some risks, you know.

You might end up getting hurtor looking stupid or not.

Even hurt someone else,but at least you're alive.

You know you're living life.

I mean, if you wantsomething more than anything

you can't just sit there andwait for it to come to you.

Bottle of bubbly stuff, thanks.

MAN [ON RADIO]: I mean it'sjust never going to happen.

Everything hasconsequences, even inaction.

Cheers.

MAN [ON RADIO]: Do you want toknow what kind of life inaction

creates?

What kind of life is that?

MAN [ON RADIO]: A life not lived.

Now you know you will never ever

look as good as you do now.

Gravity catches up withyou, more lines, sagging.

You're right.

Little hairs that grow at the end of your chin.

Yes, it's now or never.

Mm.

It's never, I can't do this.

Helen, Helen, Helen, look at me.

You can do it.

OK.

How do I look?

You look beautiful.

OK.

[CHILDREN'S VOICES IN THE BACKGROUND]

[knocking]

Hi?

Oh, you're Camille.

Oh yes.

Can you hold it for a sec?

Thanks.

Come in.

Come in, James is out back.

OK.

So have you any experience in posing?

No, I haven't had any experience exactly,

but I've been studyingsome books and some poses

and so I was sort of thinking something

you know quite sort of um--

[baby laughing]

Um, Camille maybe it'dbe better if we talk first.

We'll get to know each other.

OK.

[cellphone beeping]

Getting ready for the big day?

No.

I'm just having a look.

Hey, how are you?

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm beat, but good.

Hey, um, what you doinglater on, say around 6:00?

Nothing.

Do you want to meet up and have a drink at bar?

Yeah, that'd be good.

Yeah, haven't seen you since the whole--

Yeah.

Well, I better go and get some sleep.

I'll see you tonight?

See you then.

Oh Michael, I really, really, like the show.

Thanks.

Shall we brave it?

Not bad.

You make one hell of a bride.

I can't wear this.

OK, then try another one on.

There's only like 1,000 of them.

No.

I just, don't think I can do this.

You having second thoughts?

It's everything's such a mess right now.

Did you have a fight with Darren.

No, no, he's great.

Just everything else inmy life is falling apart.

What are you talking about?

If I tell you, you'll hate me.

Let's get one thingclear, I could never hate.

You're family, like it or not.

I slept with Toby thenight before Darren proposed.

OK.

What do I do.

Do you want to marry Darren?

Yes.

Then do absolutely nothing,just forget it ever happened.

Yeah, but I just keep thinkingabout the moment where they

say, does anybody know of any reason

why these two people shouldn't be married.

[bells ringing]

I know a reason.

Will they really say that?

I guess I've always been goodwith numbers and I like order,

so accountancy seemed like the logical choice.

So what's your passion Camille,

do you have any hobbies or outside interests?

Don't give away too much,it's all about the mystery.

I cycle, but just to getaround so I guess you couldn't

really call that a hobby.

I'd really like to learn to sew.

Camille, I'm not surethis is going to work out.

Oh.

It's just a chemistry thing.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly.

Oh let's just get out of here, I mean,

look at him he's a he's a poor man's pollock.

[laughing]

It's not even pollock.

What are you laughing at?

I was just having a private conversation

with my dead friend.

I, uh-- Your fr-- friend?

Is uh, is she here now?

She's here.

He's here.

Well, maybe um, maybe you and your friend

would like to see some more of my work?

Would you like to do that?

Mm, yes I would.

I guess we could take a look.

I'll show you some of my mostrecent work, mostly nudes.

You do nudes?

Among other things.

You comfortable with that?

Yes, totally comfortable.

I love being nude.

You liar.

Shut up.

Oh.

[door sliding open]

Darren.

Oh.

Oh, good day Jack.

- How you going? - Good how you?

Good.

Not interrupting anything am I?

Uh, not really.

Good.

I'm just thinking we could spendsome quality time together, you

know, do a bit of male bonding.

Yeah?

What kind of thing we're thinking about.

Cause if you're thinking about strippers

and tying me up naked out in the desert,

I'm really not into that kind of thing.

You sound like you're talking from experience.

No.

No, I've just been to a few too many box nights.

I was actually thinking of something

a little bit more esoteric.

A spiritual bonding betweenfather and future son-in-law.

You're pretty good, Jack.

You almost had me there.

Yeah?

Heard of the Zuni people?

Um, no.

Native American tribe live on the Zuni

River, west of New Mexico.

You know Jess's first name is Zuni, right?

It is?

Her mom was veryinspired by their culture.

They have a lot of beautiful ceremonies.

Right.

People been practicing fire-walking

since the dawn of time.

It's just a matter of trustingyourself, staying calm,

and staying in the moment.

This is insane.

Well getting married is insane, mate.

If you're going to do that, then this

should be a walk in the park.

Jack this is a walk on hot coals.

Don't you want to push the boundaries?

You built your career.

You bought your house.

You found yourself a wife.

Move outside your comfort zone.

Jack, I live outside the comfort zone.

I know a lot about it, Iblow things up for a living.

I do, I know a lot about trust and--

But if you want to do this then let's bond.

Dad.

[screaming]

You can never tell Jess we did this.

Secret's safe with me dad.

I mean every single word of that.

Toby.

Hang on, don't say anything yet.

Open that.

We could go now and never come back.

Do whatever we want.

Just as long as we're together.

We're a team you and me, we fit together.

Always have, always will don't you reckon?

Toby this is--

Crazy, I know.

[laughing] I know.

That's the way it is withyou and me, isn't it?

I can't.

Don't marry him, Jess.

I love him.

What about you and me?

It was a mistake.

Hey.

Hi.

What's wrong?

I mean, he's just standingthere with his stupid tickets,

what was he going to do?

Get a refund?

I've lost him forever haven't I, as a friend?

He'll get over it.

Thank you, what would I do without you?

I mean, he's only interested in me

because I was talking to you.

Well, he's only human.

Helen, come on today you a muse and tomorrow

the muse has agreed topose naked for her artist.

I didn't, did I?

Mm-hmm.

[laughing]

Hugh, what's going on?

Singles night.

Thought I'd give it a go.

Life doesn't come to you and all that.

Slim pickings in here.

OK, check, one, two, two, two.

Ladies and gentlemen,welcome to singles night.

Firstly, I'd like tothank Helen for the idea.

I'm sure it's no secret to any of you

here that she is thebrains behind this joint.

Thank you very much, Helen Gregory.

And secondly, I'd like to thank our sponsor

the Love-roo for inspiring us all to get

out there and take a few risks.

Thank you very much, Mr. Roo.

One, two, two, two.

OK, we have new mail for some secret admirers.

Number 30, number four, number 29 and oh,

Mr. popularity himself, number 12.

Hugh, you're quite the catch this evening.

Well, they all seeminterested in my handcuffs

for some reason.

Jack.

So you want to buy me a drink, hey?

Oh, yeah that's right, officer.

Jack.

What's wrong with your feet?

Secret men's business.

Where were you all afternoon?

Couldn't any say.

I've kind of run out of things to say,

not that I've be much good atsaying what I think anyway.

So I'm going to play you a song and dedicate

it to a friend of mine who'sgoing through a hard time

right now.

If you're out there listening,I want you to know that I

think you're a brave man.

I couldn't do what you did.

So wherever you are myfriend, this song's for you.

You know the secret to nude modeling is

not to stop and think about it.

I can do this without your advice, thank you.

So, Camille is your friend here today?

Oh yes, he wouldn't miss this for the world.

Well, whenever you're ready.

[music playing]

Beautiful.

Look, bum.

[laughter]

Beautiful, just raise your arm a little.

Tilt your head to the side.

That's perfect.

Perfect.

[THEME - BRIDIE, FRANK YAMMA "PITJANTJARA"]