Original subtitles

- Uncle Martin, don't do it.

Life can be beautiful.

- Close that door.

You're creating a draft.

- Oh well, thank goodness.

At least if you were doing do-it-yourself electrocution,

you wouldn't be concerned about catching a cold.

- And you are watching history being made.

Archimedes and his bathtub,

Newton and his apple,

Einstein and his E=MC2,

and now your uncle Martin takes his place

with the immortals.

- I hate to say this, but are you sure that your brain

isn't getting overdone.

- My brain is doing very well, thank you.

Oh Tim, would you mind watching that dial on the wall.

When it gets near a hundred, let me know.

- Sure

- If my calculations are correct, this unit will give me

just enough juice to make the trip.

- Trip? What trip?

- Back to Mars.

This morning I finally got my spaceship

in perfect working order.

In a few minutes, I shall transmit a message

to the control tower at Copernicus Field.

Galaxy City, here I come.

- Transmit with what?

Have you forgotten that when you crash landed,

your communication system went snafu?

You haven't got enough parts left to sweep

under a postage stamp.

- Tubes, condensers, rheostats,

who needs all that hardware?

Tim, you are looking at the first organic

sending and receiving set.

- You are going to be a two-way radio?

That's impossible.

- Why is it that you Earth people treat every daring idea

with the word impossible?

(frequency adjustment noise)

* I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair.

- Well, that's very clever.

What did you prove?

- And now to get it back on my receiving center,

(frequency adjustment noise)

I didn't have time to install a stereophonic.

* I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair.

- Uncle Martin, you are a genius.

Holy Toledo, the dial is up to 99.

It's time to step out of the oven.

(antennae frequency noise)

- Now let that be a lesson to you Tim.

Never underestimate the powers of a Martian.

(explosive noise)

(audience laughs)

(high-pitched radio noise and beeping)

(playful music)

(instrumental music)

- Well, I don't blame you for being steamed up.

I mean after all, I did take my eyes off the dial

and I sort of fouled up your trip.

- Oh Tim, it wasn't entirely your fault.

- Oh yes it was.

Now come on Uncle Martin, get it all out of your system

before you explode.

- Well, you were a little inattentive to duty.

- Oh, well, a guy makes one little mistake,

you jump all over him.

- Sorry, I didn't mean to throw a tantrum.

- Oh, that's alright Uncle Martin,

I really am very, very sorry.

Boy, you sure got a big dose of electricity.

How do you feel?

- Actually, quite exhilarated.

Except for a slight buzzing sensation in my ears.

Like having one's head in a beehive.

- Let's hope the condition doesn't last long.

- It better not last longer than 19 hours and 59 minutes

or ...

- Or what?

- I'd rather not talk about it.

- Uncle Martin, this is Tim,

your pal, your buddy, your friend.

You can't hold out on me.

- Well it's not pleasant to talk about,

but there have been a few recorded cases

of Martians being over-electrified for more than 20 hours.

- Recorded cases?

That sounds pretty serious.

- Oh, they managed to lead normal lives,

as normal as anyone can with purple and greed plaid cheeks,

and a tendency to act as lightning rods.

- You're putting me on.

- Scout's honor.

(electricity crackles)

(audience laughs)

Fortunately, I'm aware of the amount of over-exposure

and it will be a simple matter

to rid myself of the overdosage.

- What are you going to do?

- I can't very well dispose of the excess electricity

by throwing it in the wastebasket.

- That's true, so what?

- Tim, you keep forgetting I'm a Martian.

All I have to do is exert will power

and discharge power back in to the circuit.

(blast from brass instruments)

- Uncle Martin?

- Here I am.

I hate to admit it,

but I have a feeling I did something wrong.

- Ya, this is the power station.

(audience laughs)

Look lady, I can't help it if your TV set went out

right in the middle of The Late, Late Show.

Huh?

No, I don't know if Bette Davis ever finds out

she's really her own twin sister.

Goodbye

(phone rings)

(phone rings)

(phone rings)

I got the whole town on my neck.

What are you going to do about getting those lights back on?

- I'm trying Mr. Logan,

but there's something screwy going on.

Just before the generator blew,

the excess intake diminished the output

and the output replaced the intake.

- Intake diminished the output?

Look young man, if you want to come apart at the seams,

don't do it on company time.

- Yes sir.

(instrumental music)

- Uncle Martin.

What are you doing up?

I thought you went to bed?

- I did, but a man who has absorbed enough electricity

to light a battleship can get pretty restless.

- Why didn't you wake me?

I would have kept you company.

- Ahh, you were snoring so peacefully,

I didn't have the heart.

Besides, I wanted to see how my experiment would work.

- Oh no, now don't tell me half the city

is going to play bling man's bluff again.

- Not at all.

Everything is working perfectly.

(electricity crackles)

- Hey, isn't that dangerous?

- Not a bit.

I aim at the spout right across the way

and the current goes right down the drain

and into the ground.

- Get a pen then, what a crazy way to get rid of gophers.

(audience laughs)

What's the swami bit?

- Oh, well the electrical current produces a tingling affect

and the wet cloth alleviates the condition.

Stand back Tim.

(electricity crackles)

I call that my short circuit slider.

(sneezes)

- Gesundheit

You know you're going to catch a cold

standing next to an open door like that?

- Believe me, I'd rather have a sniffle

than to have that current in there for more than 20 hours.

- I don't blame you.

From what you told about about that Martian electri-tidis,

I wouldn't wish it on my boss.

I'll get you a scarf.

(sneezes)

(radio begins playing swing music)

How about that, it turned itself on.

(audience laughs)

- Tim, I wonder if ...

(sneezes)

(radio begins playing swing music)

(desk fan begins to hum)

I'm afraid I'm the spook.

Every time I sneeze, my electrical impulses

activate the switches.

(blender hums)

(coffee pot percolates)

(mixer whirls)

(toaster pops)

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin, do you realize it's three o'clock

in the morning?

- I can't help it.

I'm trying not to ...

(sneezes)

(devices roar)

- Uncle Martin, you are going to wake up

the whole neighborhood.

- Correction, I have a feeling they're already awake.

(crowd clamoring)

(electricity buzzes)

- Don't sneeze, don't sneeze, don't sneeze.

- Madam, I assure you, we had nothing to do

with turning on your power lawnmower.

Lady, I can't help it if it plowed through

your prize rose bushes.

Well, there's no need to take that attitude.

I can assure you, steps are being taken

to prevent this from ever happening again.

Bye.

What steps are we taking?

- All of 'em.

But none of 'em work.

You know, I was thinking.

Maybe somebody's come up with a new form of remote control.

- This thing is getting too hot to handle.

I'm going to call in the police.

- Good morning Tim.

- Oh, hi Uncle Martin.

Look, I have to go to the office,

but I thought I'd wait around and see how you were

before I left.

- Thank you.

I slept like a proverbial log.

That gentle, constant humming in my ears

was very conducive to slumber.

- Well, you look a lot better,

and I might add that you've got the old,

if you'll pardon the expression,

the old spark back.

- I took a reading this morning

and my voltage is decreasing.

As a matter of fact, I lost quite a lot of it

while I was asleep.

- After last night, I can't say that I'd blame you.

You probably lost a whole bushel basket full of kilowatts

with each gazuntite.

- Don't remind me.

Anything in he paper about it?

- No there's not, you disappointed?

- Hardly, I'm happy to retain my anonymity.

But still a certain amount of recognition

would seem in order.

(hands clap)

- I'll see you.

I'm going to salt mines.

- Well, don't worry about me Tim.

I'll be a, (sneezes)

- Well, don't look so happy about it.

You probably blew out the whole radio.

I guess you did.

- [Announcer] With regard to the malicious power tampering

of last night, the police department predicts

an early arrest.

An official statement from the police department reads

quote whoever was guilty of last night's outrage

may be assured that we'll hunt him down where he may be.

We'll convict him and we'll put the vandal

behind bars where he belongs.

And now, for the weather.

(radio knob clicks off)

- Uncle martin, I want you to know

that no matter what happens,

I will stand by you.

(static crackles)

But not too close.

(knocking)

- Whoever it is, go away.

I'm too old and weak to have visitors today.

What are you doing down there?

(audience laughs)

- Well you look just like Humphrey Bogart waiting

for the feds to arrive.

All you need now is a chopper.

(imitates bullet spray)

- I thought it unwise to encourage unwelcomed visitors

while I'm so hot.

In more senses of the word than one.

- Well haven't you been able to cool off any?

- Not fast enough.

It's going to be nip and tuck as to whether I can

de-juice myself before the 20-hour limit is up.

- Uncle Martin, do you realize you have exactly 34 minutes

and 12 seconds.

- Don't remind me. Don't remind me.

Tim, you don't see any symptoms of the

Martian's electro-dermatitis, do you?

- I could give you a much better clinical analysis

if I knew what I was looking for.

- Well, it usually starts on the face

with green lines or fuchsia horizontal ones.

- No.

- Well, how about intersecting magenta and turquoise lines,

in a sort of herringbone pattern?

- No, no Uncle Martin.

You look as handsome as you ever did.

- Thank you.

- Uh huh.

- Well, back to operation de-electrification.

(audience laughs)

- You're using this to get rid of electricity?

- Well it's a well known fact that kinetic rhythm

can be exhilarated by stimuli.

Besides, it's much more comfortable

than sitting in a straight chair.

- That I understand.

You know, it's a good thing the Chamber of Commerce

hasn't heard about this because you could become

a tourist attraction, like Old Faithful.

- I think that remark is in questionable taste.

- Well, I'm sorry Uncle Martin.

It's just that I get light-headed in the steam room.

(audience laughs)

- What is it Tim?

- Oh, it's nothing, nothing, nothing.

- Speak boy, speak, speak.

I can take it.

Well, it's this, nothing, it's just, well you,

got a little spot on your chin.

But it's very small, it's infinitesimal.

I wouldn't worry about it.

- Is it shaped like a globe?

- Mm-hmm.

- With a lot of smaller globes grouped about it?

- Mm-hmm.

- Just as I thought.

The Saturnian Syndrome.

- Oh nonsense,

you probably just cut yourself shaving this morning.

- Uh-huh, and interesting theory.

Except I didn't shave this morning.

- Well, the way you've got this thing perking,

you'll have it made before you can say Thomas Alva Edison.

(audience laughs)

- Well, don't slow down now.

- Perhaps some music would help me keep up the tempo.

Would you mind turning on the radio?

- Alright, how about a little rock and roll?

- No, no, no.

I'd rather have the electro-dermatitis.

Perhaps something like a Sousa march

would help me keep up the rhythm.

(radio clicks on)

- [Announcer] Ending in a knock-out in the eighth round,

excuse me ladies and gentlemen.

I've just been handed a bulletin regarding

last night's power disturbances.

The police department has requisitioned a fleet

of mobile radar detection trucks from the signal corps

to scout the city in an all-out effort

to capture the vandal.

Now to continue with our sport cast.

- Tim, with detection devices, they'll soon track me down.

- Ya, well Uncle Martin, look, don't worry about it.

Because when they say requisition they mean

they're going to pass the buck for a week or so

just to see who will ...

(trumpets blast)

Who, who?

- If you're trying to imitate an owl,

I'm not in the mood for bird calls.

(static crackles)

- Don't panic, don't panic.

There's got to be a way out of this.

All we've got to do is use our heads.

Uh, uh, uh, alright there's no way out of this.

- Say, when you tackle a problem,

you have all the tenacity of a bulldog,

a hysterical bulldog.

- Now, if worse comes to worse, and they do come up here,

what's to stop you from just telling the truth?

- You mean that I'm a Martian?

That I overcharged myself by plugging into

an electrical circuit,

- Okay, okay, that's out.

Ahh, now wait a minute.

Now if they do get your signal,

and they do come up here,

what's to stop you from (buzzing sound) then you're gone.

You're gone, gone.

- True, but then they'd start snooping around

and find the spaceship.

I'd never get back home.

- They're gone.

All that worrying for nothing.

- Officer, look at that.

That needle's practically jumping off the dial.

- Can you tell where it's coming from?

- Seems to be coming from back there.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

(device clicks)

- Uncle Martin, you are too much.

Now, anybody else would have panicked.

- It's the sign of a superior mentality,

to keep one's poise in the face of adversity.

Jumping Jupiter.

Rome is burning,

and I'm sitting here like Whistler's Mother.

(audience laughs)

No, Tim.

I can't discharge any electricity now.

With that truck anywhere within a mile,

it would be like sending an invitation to come and get me.

- Well, you've got to get rid of it someway, I mean,

fast.

- Of course (static discharges)

Got the solution.

Tim, would you drive me?

- Sure, where?

- Where is the one place I can discharge the electricity

and not create any havoc?

- Surprise me?

- Right back into the generator at the power house.

- The power house?

Why you'd be putting your head

right back in the lion's mouth.

- Perhaps, but as you would say, it is desperation time.

- If this works, it's going to make a great chapter

when I write my biography.

Uh-oh, trouble.

(device clicks)

(static pops)

(audience laughs)

Oh, that was a tough break.

What do we do now?

- Bye now.

- Well now where are you going?

- No time for explanations.

I'll see you later, I hope.

(cosmic frequency sound slides up and down)

- Whatever it is, it's around here alright.

(device clicks)

You better hang on to that gizmo

before it jumps right out of your hand.

(cosmic frequency sound slides up and down)

(Vehicle door slams shut)

(device clicks)

- It's crazy.

This leads us right back to the truck.

(device pops)

(audience laughs)

- Aw, you just can't trust those mechanical gadgets.

- Hi, O'Hara of The Sun.

Listen, I suppose you guys

are investigating a power failure.

- That's right.

- Oh, well, look, would you mind if I tag along.

I'd like to watch two capable, efficient,

hard-working public servants.

- Okay with me.

Get in the back of the truck.

- Thanks.

- Oh, if you take any pictures,

would you get the left side of my face?

My wife says I look like John Barrymore in a profile.

(audience laughs)

- Would you mind sitting somewhere else?

You're taking the crease out of my trousers.

- Uncle Martin, I hope you know what you are doing.

This is a power company truck.

- Can you think of a better way to get to the power house?

- If it goes there.

- I rather think it will.

- [Gibson] Mr. Logan, Gibson reporting.

My equipment's going haywire.

- [Mr. Logan] I've got my own troubles Gibson.

You better come right back to the power house

and make it snappy.

- You see.

- [Mike] 923 reporting. All clear

in the Wilshire La Brea section.

- Okay Mike, keep cruising.

Over and out.

Now what's all this about the equipment?

- Well the meter practically blew up my face.

I dropped the police officer down by the police station.

- Well let me see here.

(ascending cosmic frequency)

No, I guess we have enough trucks out there.

You better get back on the job.

- Alright, as soon as I have my lunch.

- So, you're from The Sun.

(phone rings)

Excuse me.

Hello.

(cosmic frequency)

(ascending and descending cosmic frequency)

Thank you Mr. Jones, thank you.

- Boy this looks like GHQ on D-Day.

No one's going to get through this defense.

- See, when you write your story,

you might mention my military career.

I used to be a corporal in the ROTC.

(audience laughs)

I have a photograph of myself in uniform.

Perhaps you can use it.

There, how about that?

- Well, yes, I'll be sure and play up this angle.

Well, I can see that you're terribly busy,

so I'll just wait for you outside. (chuckles nervously)

It's a very recent picture, isn't it?

(audience laughs)

- What about-

(phone rings)

- Oh, hold it.

That's no kind of a lunch for a working man.

No, look I feel I owe you sort of a favor

for giving me a lift down here.

There's a wonderful little diner just down the road.

- But I happen to like cold fried egg sandwiches.

- Look, I don't want to fail to mention you in my article,

and I don't want to misspell your name.

Now, how is Gibson spelled?

With an E or with an O?

- With an O.

- A No?

- No. O.

- O.

- More Gibsons spell it with an E.

- Not me.

- More do than don't.

- I don't.

- If you don't believe me, I can prove it to you

by looking in the the telephone directory

in the phone booth right outside.

- I believe you.

(cosmic rays sounds)

- Do you see that?

- No.

(audience laughs)

- [Tim] We'll get you out of here, alright.

Push.

One, two, that's it.

Push

- [Gibson] Oh, it's coming off

(cosmic frequencies ascend and descend)

(electricity crackles)

- Alright, now push.

Thanks a lot.

And with the cooperation of the power

and police departments, the situation is well in hand.

Particularly noteworthy were the efforts of Homer P. Gibson

who typifies the highest standards of a man

in public service.

- Well, that's the least you could do after holding him

in that box.

- You don't think I poured it on too thick?

- Tim, as an observer of human nature, I'd say that

there are only two things that can never

be poured on too thick.

And this is the other one.

(cosmic frequency slides up)

(pop orchestra music)