Original subtitles

(cheerful music)

- Hey, that's not bad.

That's not bad at all.

Who's style you using, Rembrandt?

Picasso?

Modigliani?

- Van Gogh.

- You knew him too?

- Knew him, who do you think told him

to cut of his ear for his sweetheart?

- I've got a lot to learn about being a friend.

- Oh I did it for his own good,

he wanted to cut off his nose.

- Guy was really feeling down, huh?

- Yeah, he's not the only one.

- Oh come on Uncle Martin, oh I've asked you.

Please snap out of it.

- Oh Tim, how do you think I feel?

You've extended yourself on my behalf

and I can't raise a dime in appreciation.

- Oh forget it.

- Well it isn't right, it isn't right for you

to carry the whole load.

- Uncle Martin look, someday when the Crosstown Bus

goes into orbit, I will visit your planet and you can show

me some good old fashioned Martian hospitality.

Now will you please go back to your painting and...

Come on, cheer up.

- I'll try.

- Okay.

- I thought you were gonna paint.

- Huh, Oh I am.

- You are a great painter.

- Yes, but my wallet is empty.

- Who's counting? I'll see you later.

- Thanks.

- Great painter, hah.

If I were a great painter I could

sell my paintings and I could...

Hmm...

Why not!

(beeping)

(beeping)

- Just look at the integrity that went

into that painting madame.

You could almost smell the roses.

- Look mister, when I see what I want I'll let you know.

I don't like a pushy art dealer.

- May I help you sir?

- Yes, I'm looking for Mr. Green.

- Don't tell me, I know.

You're an artist and want to sell me that painting.

- My eagerness gave me away.

- No, the hungry look on your face.

- Well I'll have to eat a double breakfast tomorrow morning.

- It can't be...

There's only one Van Gogh.

- Yes, I have attempted to copy his style I admit.

- Why this could've been painted by Van Gogh himself.

The same bold strokes, the same fire.

- Yes, I remember Vincent telling me--

- Vincent?

- Uh, Vincent Pascuelli, he's my butcher.

- This painting mister...

- O'Hara, it's signed in the lower right-hand corner.

- This painting has depth and meaning.

- Thank you.

- I remember Da Vinci saying, death and meaning...

Tony Davinci, he's a friend of Vincent Pascuelli's.

- I'd like to sell this painting for you.

I think you have something to say as an artist.

And if I could help further your career,

I'd feel I was contributing to society.

- Thank you very much Mr. Green,

that's a marvelous attitude.

- I'll divide the proceeds with you.

Is that fair?

- That's very fair, thank you very much.

- Mr. Green, why don't you offer that lady my painting.

I have a feeling she'll like it.

- Listen, I'm in a hurry and I can't get

that door open so would you--

- Just the right thing for a bedroom, I'd say.

- That's just what I was thinking.

- But in all fairness madame, I wouldn't suggest

this painting unless your bedspread

were baby blue with fringes of yellow.

- Well that's just what it is.

How much?

I'm not spending a dollar over 40, if it is I have to tell

my husband I bought it for less.

- $40? Madame, artists are human beings.

- My husband isn't.

- Very well, $40.

Thank you madame.

- Don't mention it.

(gasps)

- Mister O'Hara, it looked as though

you were reading that woman's mind.

- How hard it is to read a blank.

Thank you, thank you very much.

(phone rings)

- Hello?

- Mister O'Hara, good news!

Your paintings are moving wonderfully.

How soon can you let me have some more?

- Quite soon.

- Mister O'Hara, I can't tell you how excited

I am to think I've been instrumental, in some small way,

in bringing you to the attention of the public.

Good bye for now!

- Good bye, and thank you very much.

- Um, I uh, do you think you could get him to paint

me a Gainsborough for my bathroom?

- Madame, Mister O'Hara is not a bathroom painter.

He's a great craftsman, and I intend to encourage him.

Why I'm going to surprise him with a showing

of his own paintings.

- A showing for whom?

- O'Hara, see this art dealer I know called

and asked me a favor to include a piece in our article

about a new friend of his, an artist named O'Hara.

And didn't think there was any relation.

- Well did this man happen to mention O'Hara's first name?

- All Green said was that the artist's name was O'Hara.

You know this last name stuff only for artists.

Like Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Lautrec, any relation?

- No Mr. Burns, no there's no Lautrec in my family.

- Come on, I meant is this O'Hara artist related to you?

- Well I have a large family tree.

Maybe one of the twigs fell off the branch?

How can you have a showing?

I mean all that publicity, people asking questions.

Now what are you gonna tell them?

"Well I paint like Rembrandt because I'm 450 years old

"and I come from Mars."

- That would raise a few eyebrows, wouldn't it.

- Eyebrows? It'd raise scalps.

- Well I had no idea Mr. Green was planing a showing for me.

- None of this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't

insisted on helping me with the expenses.

- That proves it.

- Proves what?

- That the road to Pluto is paved with good intensions.

- Oh, well down here that road leads somewhere else.

Will you stop painting?

- Look what you did!

Uh oh.

- What?

- It's him.

- Who?

- The little man who's innocently boiling me in oil.

- I just had to come over personally to surprise you.

Guess what?

- What?

- You're having a showing of your work

at my gallery tomorrow.

And Mr. Bentley, the great art expert of them all,

has agreed to come.

- Mr. Bentley?

- Yes, if he gives you his stamp of approval,

you're on your way.

- I'm on my way right now.

- Oh Tim, I want you to meet Mr. Green.

- Mr. Green, this is my nephew, Tim.

The real artist who painted all the paintings

you admire so much.

- You do?

- Yes it's not I, but my talented nephew

who's at ease at the easel.

- Um, I...

- Now, now. Don't deny it Tim.

I can't credit for something I did not do.

- Uh, uh, uh...

- I don't understand.

You said that you did the paintings.

- Well I'm afraid I was trying to bask

in the spotlight of my nephew Mr. Green.

- I understand, but if he's your nephew

you can at least stand in the shadow of greatness.

- Well it was almost the truth, anyway.

The paintings are signed by O'Hara and this

is the real O'Hara, eh Tim?

- Well I, um...

- See how modest he is?

Tim this is your big chance.

- I pass.

- No, no, no.

- Well you just have to have that showing.

I've invited everyone.

After all these years, to think that I, personally,

have discovered a great genius.

- Be at ease, Mr. Green.

My nephew, the painter will be there tomorrow

to take his bows and stand proudly beside his paintings.

- It's a lucky day for me when your uncle

walked into my life.

I shall never forget it.

- Neither will I.

- Tim? Tim?

Now you come out of that closet.

- Go away! I am not here.

- Tim! Tim!

Now I'll tell you that you can go to the art showing

and no one will know that you didn't paint those paintings.

- I told you, I. Am. Not. Here!

- Tim!

Alright Tim, I'm going to leave

and you will never be bothered by me again.

- Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

- Surprise!

- Sneak!

Uncle Martin look, how could you expect me

to go to that art show tonight?

- Tim, when are you earthlings going to learn

that man's most precious commodity

is his dignity, his pride.

Would you rob a nice little man like Mr. Green

of his supreme moment?

Would you deprive him on introducing

to the world a great artist?

- You make it sound as if I were walking around

kicking little puppies.

- Hmmhmm, well until you Earth people learn to respect

the finer aspects of mankind, you're going

to remain exactly what you are.

A bunch of two-legged mental midgets.

- You want me to go stand on the corner?

- No, stand tall.

- Uncle Martin, I do not know the first thing

about art, now suppose somebody walks up to me

and asks me question.

- Don't answer and look intelligent.

- Oh that'll never work.

- Of course it will, all you have to do

is look like a genius, like this.

- Marvelous display of color.

What colors did you mix?

- Brown, yellow and green. Diluted to a thin perfection.

- It was so nice of you to come.

Mr. Bentley, here is my talented discovery.

- No, we are in the presence of genius.

- That remains to be seen.

- You doubt that the artist who fathered these paintings

is endowed with genius sir?

- Not at all, that's why I was being careful.

- I can quite understand Mr. Bentley's reluctance

to be persuaded so rapidly.

After all, when Mr. Bentley puts his stamp of approval

on an artist, he's accepted as a major talent of the world.

- Come on Uncle Martin, you wanna take me home?

I had a rough day at the easel.

- Oh come now, don't tell us that our genius

doubts his talent?

- My nephew is insulted, and rightly so.

That you have cast dispersions on the name of O'Hara.

- Oh not at all sir.

But since the name O'Hara is on all of these marvelous

paintings, how indeed can we tell that one man

painted them all?

- Let's go put my brushes to bed.

- No, no.

Mr. Bentley, there are those who say that Shakespeare

did not author his great works.

And even those who doubt that the world

was made in six days.

- Oh, were you there sir?

- I was.

That is I was about to say that one man did paint

all of these paintings and I can, that is,

he can prove it.

- I'm sure that Mr. O'Hara understands

your skepticism Mr. Bently.

But the solution is quite simple.

- It is?

- Why yes, you can paint in the style of the masters

before his very eyes.

- Well that seems like a very fair test.

- We accept.

And once more he'll do five paintings at once.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you.

- Eight o'clock, tomorrow night, here.

- Mr. O'Hara will be here.

- And can hardly wait.

- You're very lucky young man.

Most of the masters die before they had a chance

to prove their talent.

- Lucky.

I mean it's lucky that I'm alive.

- The name of O'Hara the artist will live forever.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- How can I paint five pictures for Mr. Bentley

when I can't even paint at all!?

- Well let's see.

- Oh brother, just 'cause I'm holding a brush

doesn't mean that--

Hey, you're controlling my hand.

- No, I'm actually controlling the brush.

You're just going along for the ride.

- I'm a painter! I'm a painter!

- That's what we're going to prove to Mr. Bentley.

- Well don't stop now Uncle Martin, come on,

I wanna see what the picture's gonna be.

- Ah...

My public.

- That's right Jim, you're in command here.

You're going to be...

Great.

- Getting a cold?

- I dunno, I suddenly started getting, stuffy.

- Ah genius, I have five easels set up for you.

- Ah, splendid.

- There's Mr. O'Hara darling, and you said

he wouldn't show up.

- Frankly my dear, I didn't think he would.

- Well did Robert Fulton show up?

(laughs)

- Mr. Green, uh, will you take us to the easels please?

- Right this way.

- Twig off the branch, eh?

- Mr. Burns, what are you doing here?

- He's an art lover.

- I'm an art lover.

- And he's curious about the name O'Hara

- And I'm curious--

- Uh, that's just a lucky guess.

- Jim, is that why you were so evasive back in my office?

Why didn't you tell me you were the O'Hara

that Green was raving about?

- Oh well, I...

- Don't tell me, I know.

You want to quit your job.

- I want to quit my job?

- I don't blame you my boy.

Anyone who could paint like you should devote

all his time to art.

- Uncle Martin...

- Ah, don't say it, I know. I just read your mind.

Such language.

- What am I gonna do?

If I don't go through with this,

I'm gonna disgrace nice Mr. Green, if I do go through

with it, I lose my job.

- Well I'll say you're in a pickle.

- And you marinated me.

- I like the way you turn a phrase.

- What am I going to do?

- You'll see.

- Now, I'll leave it to Mr. Bentley to choose

which artists I should emulate.

- Rembrandt, Lautrec, Picasso, Gauguin and Van Gogh.

- Child's play.

- Pardon me ladies and gentlemen,

but I must take a moment to reflect before I jump in.

- Our genius seems reluctant.

- What's holding us up?

- My battery's dead.

- What!?

What?

- Don't you hear how nasal I sound?

I'm allergic to something in this room,

and I can't use my levitation finger.

- Well why not?

- Well my sensitivity's all fouled up,

- Well unfoul it, have you seen that group

of vultures out there?

- I can't unfoul it, not until I found out

what I'm sensitive to, then I got to get rid of it.

- Well what am I gonna do?

- Stall 'em.

- What?

- Stall 'em?

- Stall? Stall. Stall!

I never should've gotten out of the closet.

Well now, I suppose you're all wondering about me,

who I am, where I was born, well that's only natural.

I was born in Toledo.

I was a very health baby,

I-I was six pounds and nine ounces.

Or was it nine pounds and six ounces?

- Is that really important?

- Well it was to my mother.

- Darling, I think you were right after all.

- Certainly appears that way.

- Tim, start painting.

- I remember now, yes!

It was six pounds and nine ounces.

Of course I got a little bit bigger

as my formula would change.

It won't be long now folks.

Now where was I?

- I believe you were on your formula.

- And I believe we're leaving.

- You can't, you just can't.

- What are you doing?

- Oh madame, one of Mr. O'Hara's intentions

is to paint you in the style of Van Gogh,

didn't he tell you?

- That's right?

- What does that have to do with you taking my flower?

- Well now madame, don't be modest.

Mr. O'Hara knows that a subject with such character

and beauty would never allow herself

to be painted with a flower.

After all, why divert the observer.

Why compete with nature?

- Are you really gonna paint me in Van Gogh style?

- Am I? I mean yes I am.

- Young man, you have stalled long enough.

- I never really did think he had any talent.

- I believe that Mr. O'Hara is now ready to show

you that he's loaded with talent.

- Ladies and gentlemen!

- Rather jerky style.

- Who knows how a genius paints, Mr. Bentley?

(laughs)

- Why, he's doing it.

- I see it, but I don't believe it.

(laughs)

- That's my boy!

- Amazing!

Gauguin, Van Gogh, Picasso, Lautrec, Rembrandt.

- What did you expect sir, chopped liver!?

I'm an artist!

- I envy your moment Mr. Green,

you've given the world a major talent.

- I had been privileged.

- Ah, something always told me Tim was great.

No more newspaper work for you, eh genius?

- Yeah, yeah, that's great...

- But our genius has saved the best news for last.

Tell them Tim.

- Well I, uh, uh...

You tell them Uncle Martin.

- You have all inspired him so that my nephew

has reached a cataclysmic decision.

- Do tell us?

- Err...

- Still shy?

Tim has decided that he no longer wishes to imitate

the masters, he his forsaking imitation forever.

(crowd murmurs)

Now, now, now.

Tim has decided to strike out on his own,

to develop his own unique style.

- Wonderful.

- Tim, why don't you demonstrate your new approach to art?

- Uh, you think I should?

- Definitely. Go right ahead, there's an easel.

- If you say so Uncle Martin.

- Marvelous, what a beautiful specimen of O'Haraism.

Such daring style, such a definite likeness.

- Definite likeness of what?

- Why of you, Mr. Burns.

- Me?

- Yes, Tim just painted your portrait.

Mr. Bentley, where do you think something

like this should be hung?

- I wouldn't hang it, I'd throw it.

- Son, you better show up at the office for work tomorrow.

You paint like that, you're gonna starve.

- I respect your opinion sir.

- You better put in some over time too,

you're gonna need the money.

- Uncle Martin look, do me a great, big favor

and make me a promise.

Never try to earn any money to help me.

I can't afford it.

- Alright, but it's gonna be a little difficult

for me to write checks on the Mars National Bank.