All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E17.Going.Going.Gone.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(ominous music)

- Carpet must have a
break to the right.

I guess it has a
break to the left.

(mysterious whirling music)

Oh, Uncle Martin, I should
have known it was you.

Hey look, I have a great idea.

Why don't you join me in the
News Reporters golf tournament

next month?

- Oh, I'm afraid that
would be cheating.

- Oh, they play golf on Mars?

- They used to, but
they had to give it up

when we discovered the
powers of levitation.

Everyone shot a par 18.

That ball return is the
most interesting gadget.

You mind if I examine it?

- Be my guest.

What happened?

- I don't know.

- Huh, maybe your finger didn't
get enough sleep last night.

(laughter)

- Well, it never
happened before.

(mysterious whirling music)

- That's more like it.

Maybe you ought to check
it for a hang nail.

(dramatic music)

(robotic beeping)

(playful music)

(gentle orchestral music)

(mysterious instrumental music)

- Hello Frank.

I've just detected a huge
sun spot on my coelostat.

Yes, magnetic polarities
are all mixed up.

Far more severe than
the spots of 1958.

It's really gonna play havoc
with communications everywhere.

You better give
the usual warning

to all communications agencies.

No telling how long
this group will last

or how bad they may get.

I'll keep you posted.

- These martian hands
weren't designed

to use your primitive
earth tools.

- You hurt yourself?

- I scraped my knuckles.

You know, back home, we have
nails that drive themselves.

I'm sorry, I messed up
one of your handkerchiefs.

- Forget it.

(dramatic music)

Cut it out.

Come on, Uncle
Martin, cut it out!

- Cut out what?

- The fooling around
with the typewriter!

- I don't know what
you're talking about!

- I'm talking about that.

Now will you stop using your
martian levitation powers?

- I'm not!

- Maybe you're doing
it with your elbow.

Now Uncle Martin, look,
I am in the middle

of an assignment.

This is no time for
a practical joke!

(mysterious music)

- Tim, believe me,
whatever's happening

is happening by itself.

- Do you know that you look
like a walking junkyard?

- I fail to find
any humor in that.

- Now what are you doing?

- Nothing, my coveralls seem
to have become magnetized.

- Well now, you can't
magnetize cloth.

- You can when the base
of the thread is a metal.

- Well, it looks like your
coverall doesn't cover all.

- There, that ought to do it.

- Huh, why did you insist
on burning the coveralls?

- Well, no matter how
remote the possibility,

I cannot take the chance
of someone discovering

I'm from another planet.

Unless I destroy them,
someone just might find them

and wonder where the
material came from.

- You have no idea how
they became magnetized?

- No, something must have
set up an electrical field

that magnetized the martian
metal in the fabric.

- Well, you can always buy
another pair of coveralls.

- Mm mmm mmm, not like these.

They were practically new.

I only had them 175 years.

- 175 years?

- Yes and they were
hand-me-downs from my father.

But that's alright, I've got
another pair in the spaceship.

(dramatic instrumental music)

- Uncle Martin, now
you cut that out!

Do you want someone to see you?

- That's the last thing I want.

I can't get down!

- Something must be wrong.

- That's an astute observation.

- Uncle Martin, now you stop
lying there, do something!

- I can't.

I can't get my legs to go down.

- Maybe I can help, huh?

How's that?

Better?

How do you feel now?

- Fine.

- That's good, that's good.

(dramatic music)

- My pulse is 218

and my temperature is 131.

I'm normal.

- How do you account
for spending almost

10 minutes in mid-air?

- I haven't the slightest idea.

(knocking on door)

- Come in.

- Anybody home?

- Oh no, Mrs. Brown, we
left about five minutes ago.

- Oh Tim, you're
always spoofing.

Oh say, if you have a minute,

I'd like to try
something out on ya.

- Another cake?

- No, not this time.

You know, you never did
tell me how your liked

the pie I made ya last week.

- Hey, that was different.

What was it?

- Cherry chicken,
wasn't it delicious?

- I never got anything
like that back home.

- What can we do for ya?

- Well, with all the time
I've had on my hands lately,

I thought I'd put it
to some practical use.

I'm going to sell insurance.

- Well, I think that's
a wonderful idea.

- I worked up a little
sale pitch to use on

potential customers and I'd
like to try it out on you.

- Go right ahead, Mrs. Brown.

- You know, I've always heard

that honesty is the best policy.

(laughs)

But it isn't, insurance
is the best policy.

The manual says to start
out with a little joke.

- You've succeeded.

- Now, are you ready
for the sales pitch?

- On your mark.

Get set...

Sell.

- Well, you're
supposed to ask me,

which is the best
policy for you?

- Which is the
best policy for me?

- I have no idea.

Just a moment, I'll check.

Hmm, well it seems to
depend on a lot of things.

- Like what?

- Well, for one thing, whether
you're a man or a woman.

Now let's make it a
hypothetical case and

let's say you're a man.

- Alright, for arguments
sake, let's say Tim's a man.

- The policy you should consider

is an endowment with
a clause to convert it

to whole life.

Unless term insurance is
required to protect the present

and 20 pay life can be
used in conjunction with

future premiums,
excluding dividends.

Well, that's the whole
thing in a nutshell.

Did I do a convincing job?

- Yes Mrs. Brown,
I think you covered

just about everything.

- Oh fine.

Now, how much
insurance do you want?

- Well, I'm fully covered by
insurance at the newspaper.

I'm covered right up to here.

- Well, don't you wanna
cover the rest of you?

- Oh, Uncle Martin
isn't covered.

- Thanks a lot.

- Oh, well now,

what kind of insurance
would you be interested in?

- Oh, a policy that
would protect me

from insurance salesmen.

(laughs)

- Oh, there you
go spoofing again.

- Mrs. Brown, you're
a born saleswoman.

Just leave the forms
and I'll fill them out.

- Oh fine.

Well, that's the second
policy I've sold today.

- Who bought the first one?

- I did.

Well, I must be going.

A bulb blew out and I have
to run down to the store

and buy a new one.

- Oh, we have some extra bulbs.

- And I'll get you one
so you don't have to make

a special trip.

- Oh, that'd be wonderful.

(dramatic music)

(audience laughing)

Oh, did you find a bulb?

- No, no, no, no, I
couldn't find any.

- Funny, I'm sure we have some.

- Oh, men can never
find anything.

It's probably in the closet.

(suspenseful music)

I knew I could find one.

Thank you!

You won't forget to fill
out the application.

- No, no, I'll mail it
in, I'll mail it in.

- Oh fine, thank you and bye!

- Whatever it is, you're
awfully nice to read by.

- Who would've thought that I
would find up as a floor lamp?

I wish I knew what was wrong.

- Uncle Martin, look,

I'm getting a little
worried about you.

I think maybe you
better see a doctor.

- I think it would
be more appropriate

to see an electrician.

- Now look, you admit yourself

that there is something
wrong with you.

Now why are you being
so stubborn about going

and seeing a doctor?

- Whatever's wrong with
me is beyond the scope

of your physicians
here on Earth.

- Are all martians
as stubborn as you?

- No one on Mars is stubborn.

You will not find
the word stubborn

in the martian dictionary
and if you don't mind,

I'm trying to watch the program.

- Then what do you call it?

- Call what?

- [Tim] Your attitude!

- I'm merely applying logic.

I'm from another planet

and although my
physical structure is

much the same as yours,
there are certain

metabolic processes which
are totally dissimilar.

They require a highly
complex diagnosis

far beyond the realm of
your primitive physicians.

Therefore, it would
not be logical for me

to consult them
regarding my problem.

Do I make myself clear?

- [Tim] Yes.

You're stubborn.

Now Uncle Martin, just
please do it for me.

- [Uncle Martin]
Tim, it's useless.

- [Tim] Well you talk
as though it'd kill you!

- Tim, if for one minute, I
thought that they could help,

I would do it!

(dramatic instrumental music)

- Now something's wrong
with the television set.

- Tim!

Tim, I'm shrunk.

I'm nothing but a sample!

- Oh my gosh.

I told you to see a doctor.

- Well, do you know
a witch doctor?

One who specializes
in shrunken goods?

- [Tim] Uncle Martin, can
you make yourself any bigger?

- No, no!

I'm trying!

- I thought martians
could do everything.

- I'm worried.

I never had this problem before.

(whimpers) I wonder
what's gonna happen next.

(dramatic whirling)

- You can stop worrying.

It happened.

- [Uncle Martin] What?

- You're gone.

- [Uncle Martin]
You're right, I am.

And I can't make
myself reappear.

- [TV Reporter]
Ladies and gentlemen,

we have just received
information from

Mount Palomar Observatory
that due to an extremely heavy

bombardment of sun spots,

communications have
been interrupted.

Please forgive the interference

in the video part
of our program.

- [Uncle Martin] Sun spots,
that's what's playing

havoc with my metabolism.

- Well, is there any way
you can counteract them?

- [Uncle Martin] On Mars, yes.

On Earth, no.

- Well how long
do sun spots last?

- [Uncle Martin] They
can last for a few days

or weeks or months and
there was one extreme case

that lasted 112 years!

- Uncle Martin, I'm afraid
I can't wait that long.

(dramatic music)

Uncle Martin?

- [Uncle Martin] Yes Tim?

- Did you check with
the observatory again?

- [Uncle Martin] Same old thing.

The sun spots are continuing
without any sign of a let up.

The earth is closer to
the sun than Mars is.

That's why I must
be so susceptible.

- Hmm, well don't
worry Uncle Martin.

I'm sure you'll come
back again soon.

- [Uncle Martin] I hope so.

It's making me nervous.

It's been four days now
that I've been looking

into a mirror and
nothing looks back.

Perhaps the sun
spots will stop soon.

As soon as they
do, I'll reappear.

- Ya know something,
Uncle Martin?

Right now, I'd rather see
you than Elizabeth Taylor.

(knocking on door)

I'll get it.

- How do you do?

I'm the field
representative for the

Southern Mutual Life
and Accident Company.

Mrs. Brown wrote a
policy on Martin O'Hara.

Are you Mr. O'Hara?

- Well, I'm Tim O'Hara.

- Oh, his nephew,
the beneficiary.

Well, my name is
Stone, William Stone.

And I make a practice
of personally welcoming

new policy holders
into the company.

Is your uncle home?

- Yes he is.

- May I see him for a moment?

- No ya can't.

I mean, no, he isn't,

home, that is.

- Well, is he or isn't he?

- He isn't.

- Do you know where he is?

- Well, I haven't seen him

for a few days.

- Is he in town?

- Oh yes, he's in town.

- Well, when can I see him?

- He isn't in town.

- First you say he's
home but he isn't home,

then he's in town
but he isn't in town.

I just don't understand.

- Well, you see,
he's out of town.

On business!

- That's peculiar.

According to this
policy, he's retired.

- Oh, well he umm,

he's out of town on
retirement business.

- When do you think
he might be back?

- Well, he could be back
in two or three minutes

and then again, I
may not see him for

two or three months.

- Two or three months?

Or longer?

- That's possible.

- I see.

Well, thank you for your time.

You've been most helpful.

(mysterious instrumental music)

- I think he's suspicious.

- I know but what
could I do about it?

Yell, "Yoohoo, here I am?"

- I guess you're right.

Where are you?

- Mmhmm, now let me
see how this sounds.

Sir, may I trouble
you for a minute?

The policy you
should consider is

an endowment with a clause
to convert it to whole life,

unless term insurance is
required to protect the present

and 20 pay life can be
used in conjunction with

future premiums,
excluding dividends.

Hmm, I think that
sounds pretty good.

Maybe I can make it
a little stronger.

(knocking on door)

Let's see.

- Miss Brown?

- Oh, come on in.

I was just practicing
my insurance speech.

- Oh well,

I just thought that I would
come by and drop off the rent.

- Oh thank you.

Ya know, having you
and Martin as tenants

is such a pleasure, I
almost hate to take this.

- Oh, well in that case.

- It's not that
much of a pleasure.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.

Somebody's coming to see you.

- Who?

- The police.

- The po...

The police?

- Yes, they think you
killed your Uncle Martin.

Isn't that ridiculous?

- They think what?

- I told Mr. Stone he was wrong.

You know, the man from
the insurance company.

But he insisted on
reporting to the police

that your Uncle
Martin was missing.

By the way, where is
your Uncle Martin?

- Oh, away.

- You see, I told Mr.
Stone he wasn't missing.

- I know you told me twice,

but make me happy.

Tell it to me again
from the beginning.

- Lieutenant Gibson,

last time I saw my
Uncle was five days ago

and he up and left.

- He didn't pack?

Didn't take any clothing?

Didn't tell you
where he was going,

when he was coming back?

And he hasn't called?

- That's right.

- And he never took
off like this before?

Fella, if I were
you and you were me,

and I told you that
cockamamie story,

would you believe me?

- No.

Yes because it's true.

- Now what have we here?

Looks like a couple of buttons.

Yours?

- Well, I don't recall
ever having seen them.

- Well of course you do, Tim.

They're from your Uncle
Martin's coveralls.

- They are.

Yes, they are.

How observant of
you, Mrs. Brown.

I didn't notice because
they were charcoal broiled.

- What are they doing
in the barbecue?

- Who are you lady?

- That's Mrs.
Brown, my landlady.

- You rent the
apartment to Mr. O'Hara?

- Yes and if he's in any
trouble, I'd like to help.

Why, he's the nicest
tenant I ever had.

- Now, you say these
buttons came from coveralls

that belonged to
Mr. Martin O'Hara?

- I know them like
I know my own name.

Mrs. Brown.

- That's her name
alright, Mrs. Brown.

- Mrs. Brown, I'd
like to talk to you

when I finish with Mr. O'Hara.

Could you wait around
a few minutes please?

You and your Uncle
got along well?

- Oh yes, yes as
a matter of fact,

we were very close.

- Oh, I can vouch for that.

Why, they were
closer than close.

In fact, it was Tim who
insisted that Martin

take out that insurance policy.

- Oh, he did.

- That's why Martin made
Tim the beneficiary.

Now, you know you've
gotta be close to do that.

- Are you saying you and
your uncle got along well?

No disagreements?

- No.

- [Lieutenant] No fights?

- No fights.

- I'll back him up on that.

You see, I live in the
house right in the front

and they are the nicest,
quietest tenants I ever had

and I can tell you they
never had a single fight.

- No arguments?

- Never.

Oh well, just that one time but,

oh it wasn't even
worth mentioning.

- Well, mention it anyway.

When was that?

- Oh about four or
five days ago but

oh, it was nothing really.

- That was just about the time
Martin O'Hara disappeared.

What were they fighting about?

- Oh, they weren't fighting.

No, no, Tim was
pleading with Martin

to do something or other.

Oh, but I'm sure it
was nothing harmful.

In fact, I distinctly
heard Tim assure Martin

that it wouldn't kill him.

- Umm, Mrs Brown, please--

- Well I'm just
trying to help you.

- Oh, I don't need it.

- Let her help you,
let her help you.

(mysterious instrumental music)

Initials, T-O.

Yours?

- I guess so.

- If these stains are blood,

they better be yours too.

- As a matter of fact,

that's not my blood.

- Whose blood is it?

(dramatic music)

- Then it was Mr. O'Hara's
idea for his uncle

to take out the insurance.

- Well, yes and no.

- What do you mean yes and no?

- Well, yes if I have
to tell the truth

and no if I don't have to.

- You have to.

- Yes.

- Thank you, Mrs. Brown.

- Well that's another
nail in my coffin.

Ya know, I'm beginning to
feel less and less confident

about acting as my own attorney.

- [Uncle Martin] Don't worry.

With me here, it's
the same as having

Clarence Darrow
sitting next to you.

- Right now, I would trade
in one Clarence Darrow

for one live in the flesh
martian who couldn't

talk his way out of
a traffic ticket.

- Mr. O'Hara, I'm trying
to conduct a hearing.

- I'm sorry.

- Lieutenant Gibson,
one of the items

in evidence was a
bloodstained handkerchief.

- Yes sir, the police
laboratory checked out

the blood type and it
definitely was not that

of Tim O'Hara.

- Well, I've covered
enough of these things

to know I'm really
in a lot of trouble.

- [Uncle Martin] I've
never covered one before,

but I'm prone to agree with you.

- Please Mr. O'Hara,
you'll have ample time

to talk later.

Meanwhile, I will not stand
for any further disturbance.

- Sorry.

- [Uncle Martin] Better
be careful, they'll begin

to wonder about you.

- Hey,

maybe that's it.

Maybe I can plead insanity.

- [Uncle Martin] Tim,
this has gone far enough.

I'm afraid I'll have
to tell them the truth.

- What, what do you mean
tell them the truth?

- [Uncle Martin] I will
not jeopardize your life.

I shall tell them I'm a martian.

- You can't do that.

Besides, they
wouldn't believe you.

- [Uncle Martin] I'll tell
them how I landed here

and I'll explain how the sun
spots have made me invisible.

- Now just one second, I'm
not gonna let you do that.

I mean, I know how
much this means to you.

Besides, this condition
is only temporary.

- Is he off his rocker?

Mr. O'Hara, will you please
stop talking to yourself?

- No!

Yes, I'm sorry.

- [Uncle Martin]
Gentlemen, there is

something you should know.

- Gentlemen, there is
something that you should know.

- [Uncle Martin] Now
Tim, let me speak.

- Yes, now Tim, let me speak.

Speech the speech, I pray you.

Let the words fall--

- [Uncle Martin] This is no
time for games, I've got to

tell the truth.

- Yeah, I've got
to tell the truth.

The whole truth and
nothing but the truth.

Abraham Lincoln said that.

- [Uncle Martin] Tim.

- Yeah Abraham Lincoln,
one of our greatest,

greatest Presidents.

He took this country
through perilous times.

- Oh, that poor dear boy.

You awful men have driven
him out of his mind!

- I don't know whether he's
putting on an act or not,

but we better schedule a
psychiatric examination

for him immediately.

Lieutenant Gibson, you
better take him into custody.

- It's working Uncle Martin.

Now look, while they're
giving me these tests,

maybe you'll reappear.

Uncle Martin, Uncle Martin?

(yells)

Oh, hello.

(dramatic instrumental music)

- I know you're innocent Tim.

I just know it!

- Oh, thanks a lot Mrs. Brown.

- You wouldn't hurt
your Uncle Martin

even if you killed him.

- Uncle Martin, am
I glad to see you.

- Are you his uncle?

- Yes I am.

- Well we've been looking
for you for weeks.

Where have you been?

- On the freeway, you
know those traffic jams.

(audience laughing)

- Mrs. Brown sent this up

to welcome us both back.

- What did she
conjure up this time?

- I don't know, but it
sure smells delicious.

There ya go.

- Mrs. Brown has outdone
herself this time.

Pineapple pickle.

- Well, I'll...

I'll get you something else.

What do you want?

- Oh, cheese and crackers.

- Uncle Martin?

The sun spots,
you're gone again!

- I dropped my fork.

(playful instrumental music)