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This programme contains
very strong language from the start.
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00:00:01,686 --> 00:00:02,845
It's Gonna Rain
by Rev Milton Brunson plays...
3
00:00:02,929 --> 00:00:07,224
♪ See the clouds gathering. ♪
4
00:00:11,162 --> 00:00:13,849
- Hey, mate.
- Oh, hey.
5
00:00:14,732 --> 00:00:15,972
You all right?
6
00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:18,815
Yeah.
7
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,248
Sure?
8
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,116
Yeah, just tired, yeah.
You all right?
9
00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:24,678
Yeah, good.
10
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,959
- Ooh, happy Halloween.
- You too.
11
00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:35,216
Oblivion by Grimes plays...
12
00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:47,129
What about me?
13
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,599
Why can't we
have a White History Month?
14
00:00:49,691 --> 00:00:52,161
Oh, what if we had
a Straight Pride Day?
15
00:00:52,246 --> 00:00:53,951
Why can't we have
a Men's Day?
16
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,257
Whining, temper tantrums,
17
00:00:56,342 --> 00:00:58,014
like, fucking little fragile children.
18
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,435
We get a day.
19
00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:02,045
You get a lifetime,
knowing that you are likely
20
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:05,125
to walk free
from rape...
21
00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:06,999
...so shut the fuck up.
22
00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:10,078
This is why I be hating
straight white guys
23
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:13,305
and you're not making it really
hard for me to change my mind.
24
00:01:13,527 --> 00:01:16,311
♪ I will wait forever ♪
25
00:01:16,438 --> 00:01:18,272
♪ Always looking straight ♪
26
00:01:18,357 --> 00:01:21,780
♪ Thinking, counting,
all the hours you wait ♪
27
00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:26,118
♪ Ooh ah-ah ♪
28
00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:28,564
♪ See you on a dark night
29
00:01:28,649 --> 00:01:30,956
♪ Ooh ah-ah. ♪
30
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Doxing.
31
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♪ See you on a dark night ♪
32
00:01:34,312 --> 00:01:38,414
♪ Ooh ah-ah ♪
33
00:01:38,539 --> 00:01:40,356
♪ See you on a dark night ♪
"I MAY DESTROY YOU"
34
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♪ Ooh. ♪
Season 01 Episode 09
35
00:01:42,265 --> 00:01:45,211
So, er, the readings have come back
fine on the CT scan.
36
00:01:45,296 --> 00:01:48,203
With regards to that
everything is in order.
37
00:01:48,288 --> 00:01:50,235
- Really?
- Yay!
38
00:01:50,336 --> 00:01:54,258
- Your blood pressure results, however...
- Sorry, one sec.
39
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,367
As you know you can't give peace,
unless you have peace.
40
00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:02,235
I had a CT scan to
check in with the mind
41
00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:05,726
so for anybody who thinks I'm
crazy for having Insta
42
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,636
and Twitter wars with rapists
and life destroyers every day,
43
00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:12,556
you can relax.
I have the all-clear. Yay!
44
00:02:12,804 --> 00:02:14,395
Besides, it's not every day.
45
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,556
Thursday I'm sat with my pompom
on your dad's face. Ask him.
46
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,992
I care for him, I care for me.
Care of self, self care.
47
00:02:22,115 --> 00:02:24,791
I encourage you all to
manifest it into your daily lives,
48
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,923
hold tight the NHS.
Hold tight, babes,
49
00:02:28,008 --> 00:02:29,009
I'm booking my appointment.
50
00:02:29,093 --> 00:02:33,313
Oh, hey, snuggle bunnies, it's me...
@TheRealTerryPratchard.
51
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,681
Be good to those who love you
52
00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:37,276
because those who love
you are good to you.
53
00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:40,196
Thought I'd trick a motherfucker
because it's Halloween, bitch ass.
54
00:02:40,281 --> 00:02:41,750
Argh!
55
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,000
Back in the room,
I'm sorry.
56
00:02:47,186 --> 00:02:49,702
Er, so, yes, you will need
to monitor that.
57
00:02:49,824 --> 00:02:51,395
- What? Oh.
- The blood pressure.
58
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,626
The higher the blood pressure,
the bigger the knock-on effect
59
00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:57,095
on the kidneys, which
are already at an elevated risk
60
00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,938
due to your being of Afro-Caribbean
origin.
61
00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:01,599
Erm, are there any new...
62
00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,164
That was racial ignorance.
63
00:03:03,948 --> 00:03:07,414
I'm not Afro-Caribbean,
I'm actually African.
64
00:03:07,789 --> 00:03:10,035
There's a unity and a distinction
between those places
65
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,972
and as a London doctor you should
be aware of those things
66
00:03:13,057 --> 00:03:15,978
to avoid generalising people
of colour and accidentally
67
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,236
becoming a deeply problematic
member of your profession.
68
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,352
I'm sorry, it's just the term
used on the reports.
69
00:03:20,437 --> 00:03:22,501
It's got something to do with
the form you keep pointing to,
70
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:25,625
maybe tell the big boss of
the pharmaceutical neuro whatnot
71
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,995
to change the form.
Who makes the form?
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00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:29,134
- Who makes the...
- I just want them
73
00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:31,556
to tell me
what they mean by Afro-Caribbean,
74
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,196
given it's not where I'm from and
it's used to describe my origin.
75
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,480
I-I don't know.
76
00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,656
Is that the extent
of your diagnosis?
77
00:03:40,009 --> 00:03:43,164
"Hello, Arabella,
you're Caribbean and I don't know."
78
00:03:51,818 --> 00:03:54,995
- So, why is her blood pressure high?
- That's what I don't know.
79
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:58,531
- She doesn't smoke.
- No, she just vapes now. That's all.
80
00:03:59,179 --> 00:04:01,414
- Oh.
- What?
81
00:04:01,639 --> 00:04:03,373
Well, vaping isn't...
82
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:04,676
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
83
00:04:04,938 --> 00:04:06,438
Do you agree
84
00:04:06,553 --> 00:04:08,523
- that vaping is better than smoking?
- Well, yes...
85
00:04:08,607 --> 00:04:10,485
Then that's all
we need to say about it.
86
00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,595
But if there's a predisposition
to kidney problems,
87
00:04:12,742 --> 00:04:14,945
then it's better just to get
rid of the vape completely.
88
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,042
Doc,
I think my friend is stressed.
89
00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:20,396
- Do you confirm?
- Yes.
90
00:04:20,488 --> 00:04:23,102
- And the rape's stressful, do you confirm?
- Yes.
91
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,069
And other stressed people
asking her to defend them
92
00:04:26,154 --> 00:04:30,037
and expose rapists, abusers
and paedos, and she does this day
93
00:04:30,122 --> 00:04:31,600
and night,
via phone screen.
94
00:04:31,685 --> 00:04:33,342
- Stressful, do you confirm?
- Yes.
95
00:04:33,427 --> 00:04:35,411
So why would we tell
her to stop vaping
96
00:04:35,496 --> 00:04:37,947
if it doesn't take a professional
to see that the stress
97
00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:39,578
from the phone
will kill her faster
98
00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:41,582
than any puff of
nicotine ever will?
99
00:04:42,272 --> 00:04:43,719
Energy by Jean Deaux plays...
100
00:04:43,804 --> 00:04:46,860
♪ Nah, I don't like it,
I don't like it ♪
101
00:04:47,739 --> 00:04:49,819
♪ I don't like it at all ♪
102
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,276
♪ I don't like your energy... ♪
103
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,676
♪ You don't have to
see it that way. ♪
104
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,104
Who are they?
105
00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:03,503
Right, I don't know who that is,
but that's Michael.
106
00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:06,534
So he sent you...
107
00:05:06,789 --> 00:05:09,135
a video of him
having sex with someone else.
108
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,628
Er, well, yeah, of course,
let me at least see what
109
00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:12,800
he looks like
on top of someone else
110
00:05:12,884 --> 00:05:14,557
before I tap my Oyster
and creep under it.
111
00:05:14,642 --> 00:05:16,635
I like that. You like it?
112
00:05:18,173 --> 00:05:23,809
They had loads of wings, fangs,
but only one halo. Ooh.
113
00:05:24,345 --> 00:05:26,876
You'd think that they'd stock up on
these things given it's Halloween.
114
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,346
- Yeah, shit.
- Yeah.
115
00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:31,402
So now we have to battle it out.
Could I state my case first?
116
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,691
You know what? We wouldn't even
be here doing this self-care day
117
00:05:34,776 --> 00:05:37,622
if it wasn't for you setting
it all up, Terry, so yes,
118
00:05:37,707 --> 00:05:39,738
you should state
your case first,
119
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:41,516
but I-I don't know how you
feel about this, Bells,
120
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,316
I'm actually happy and indeed
willing to let you wear the halos.
121
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,910
- Guys, are you sure?
- Definitely.
122
00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:51,429
Yeah, def... Yeah.
123
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,652
Come on, then!
124
00:05:57,987 --> 00:06:01,114
Paint and Wine,
it is a first come, first served,
125
00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:04,076
so we're going to need to be
prompt with time.
126
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:05,503
Hey, hey.
127
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,681
- Hi.
- I just wanted to say
128
00:06:07,821 --> 00:06:09,298
thank you for your content.
129
00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:11,396
- Oh!
- I know your work, I've read your posts
130
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,712
and what you're doing for
rape victims, girl.
131
00:06:14,796 --> 00:06:15,937
- Whoa.
- Thank you,
132
00:06:16,022 --> 00:06:17,869
- thank you so much.
- Yeah.
133
00:06:17,954 --> 00:06:21,196
I was abused by a straight
white male, as a child.
134
00:06:21,282 --> 00:06:24,267
I spoke out for the first time
a few months ago and...
135
00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:28,454
...it's not easy... as a man
136
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:33,509
as a black man, to be honest,
to-to show pain.
137
00:06:33,665 --> 00:06:36,516
- It comes at a price.
- Er, sorry, you must be busy.- No.
138
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:41,106
No, listen, I am never too
busy to talk about pain.
139
00:06:41,191 --> 00:06:43,224
Because some people don't want
to engage the minute you try
140
00:06:43,308 --> 00:06:44,293
and talk about some real shit.
141
00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:48,184
Yeah, they, er, kind of treat you
like a broken vessel, right?
142
00:06:48,269 --> 00:06:50,429
Some people, they don't want
to dig too deep, you know?
143
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:51,951
Because if they dig deep enough
144
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,357
- they'd see they're in pain too.
- They're in pain as well,
145
00:06:54,441 --> 00:06:56,236
that's it.
Wow, you're so brave.
146
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,769
Keep fighting the good fight,
yeah?
147
00:06:57,854 --> 00:06:59,190
Thank you.
Thank you so much
148
00:06:59,274 --> 00:07:01,715
for reminding me of all the pain
and frustration.
149
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,516
Now it's all I can think about.
150
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,436
Oh, it's my pleasure, make sure you
tell all your friends to follow me
151
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:07,863
and make me more powerful.
152
00:07:07,948 --> 00:07:10,176
Of course, you're my shero,
153
00:07:10,261 --> 00:07:12,934
consoler of the weak and
avenger of the bad men.
154
00:07:13,019 --> 00:07:15,286
- Oi, Bells. Can we go?
- Yeah, wait...
155
00:07:15,371 --> 00:07:16,716
One sec.
156
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,236
This echo chamber is freezing.
157
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,556
I'm cold.
You never know, Kwams,
158
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,903
you might be feeling a bit down
one day and you just might need
159
00:07:23,988 --> 00:07:26,402
someone who agrees
whatever the fuck you say.
160
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,680
- Even if you are chatting shit.
- Bye. - Bye.
161
00:07:31,897 --> 00:07:33,457
Sorry, guys.
162
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,312
Er, we said no phones.
163
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,550
No vaping.
164
00:08:00,617 --> 00:08:02,027
Whoa.
165
00:08:08,129 --> 00:08:12,152
Bella! I'm spreading awareness,
people should know.
166
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,796
I'm not going
to upload it now.
167
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,722
- I'm just going to take it and
then I'll post it later. - Fine.
168
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,236
Hay, bunnies, thought
I'd let you know about
169
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,516
the POC Paint
and Wine movement.
170
00:08:22,746 --> 00:08:26,575
I believe we have the right
to express ourselves,
171
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:30,396
to be vulnerable, to grow, to free
ourselves, without the critical
172
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,715
eyes of our oppressor shaming
and trashing us while we create.
173
00:08:33,832 --> 00:08:36,168
The POC Paint
and Wine movement...
174
00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:39,435
- Is it even a movement?
- I don't know why she keeps saying that.
175
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:42,356
Paint and... wine.
176
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,076
Self-care.
177
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:49,151
Friendship, expression,
art, creativity, peace,
178
00:08:49,236 --> 00:08:51,275
this is what I've done
so far.
179
00:08:51,512 --> 00:08:53,204
Cue... oh!
180
00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:56,860
OK, peace and love.
Don't forget who booked it,
181
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,476
my bae, @TheRealTerryPratchard.
182
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:03,636
Actor, angel, cuddle bunny,
snuggle butt. Holla!
183
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:04,996
Ah! Ah!
184
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,436
Snuggle butt. Really!
185
00:09:10,431 --> 00:09:15,634
Anyways, Kwame, you were saying -
this racist bitch Nilufer.
186
00:09:15,719 --> 00:09:16,767
Oh, yeah.
187
00:09:16,852 --> 00:09:19,134
I hate it when white girls
disappoint me.
188
00:09:19,227 --> 00:09:21,470
She says some homophobic
stuff as well.
189
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:22,555
What?
190
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,956
Yeah, she said the F word.
191
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,579
People think they can chat shit
and get away with it.
192
00:09:26,745 --> 00:09:28,621
Yeah, it's kind of dark, still.
193
00:09:29,017 --> 00:09:32,627
I'm sorry, Kwams.
Why didn't you say something?
194
00:09:32,712 --> 00:09:33,971
I just want to forget about it.
195
00:09:34,056 --> 00:09:36,827
- I don't want to think about it now.
- I hope you pulled your dick out.
196
00:09:38,079 --> 00:09:39,516
It was afterwards, actually.
197
00:09:39,681 --> 00:09:41,814
We were just chilling
and it really made me think,
198
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,516
what are people saying in your
absence? Do you know what I mean?
199
00:09:45,806 --> 00:09:49,064
Oh, OK, so she didn't
know you were...
200
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,900
She didn't know you
were gay until after?
201
00:09:52,578 --> 00:09:55,291
And after I called her out
and her homophobic bullshit,
202
00:09:55,376 --> 00:09:56,908
the way she fucking hit the roof.
203
00:09:56,993 --> 00:09:58,346
Kwame, why did you tell her?
204
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,676
She said "faggot", just casually.
How am I supposed to stay silent?
205
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,116
You didn't mind her
racially stereotyping you.
206
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,236
You definitely didn't mind
cos you fucked her.
207
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,396
As I said, I really wasn't
trying to do anything with her.
208
00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:11,939
It's also no wonder
she was angry.
209
00:10:12,072 --> 00:10:15,322
She found out you were gay
after you stuck your dick in her
210
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,355
and shot a load up.
211
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,901
I don't know, I think I would be
at least a little bit, like...
212
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:22,618
I feel terrible about it
but she kind of forced me so...
213
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:23,916
Yeah.
214
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,877
Well, you... kind of had
penetrative sex with someone
215
00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:29,979
under false pretences,
Kwams, that's a bit...
216
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,276
I don't know. What the fuck
is wrong with this thing?
217
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,916
- You need to top it up.
- OK.
218
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,276
I'm saying I feel shit,
I don't feel good about it.
219
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,760
Um... Yeah, yeah, I mean,
220
00:10:39,845 --> 00:10:42,516
Kwams, I'm sure she feels
absolutely superb.
221
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,346
I just think that it was
really confusing for everyone.
222
00:10:45,431 --> 00:10:48,236
No. Terry, as someone who
has not experienced rape,
223
00:10:48,337 --> 00:10:51,126
you should be listening
and not concluding conversations.
224
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,486
- What?
- There's no vaping in the...
225
00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:04,915
Bella...
226
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,720
He said he didn't feel
good about it.
227
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,502
He's a man concealing his identity,
228
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:13,369
following a woman into her home.
229
00:11:13,454 --> 00:11:14,705
He's making someone vulnerable.
230
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,893
If he felt good about that,
I'd be fucking horrified.
231
00:11:16,978 --> 00:11:19,197
I'm saying he's got his own...
232
00:11:19,681 --> 00:11:21,423
- He's vulnerable.
- Yeah.
233
00:11:21,532 --> 00:11:23,932
Being vulnerable doesn't mean you
can make other people vulnerable.
234
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,315
It doesn't mean you can put other
people through pain,
235
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,807
it doesn't
mean you can penetrate peop...
236
00:11:27,891 --> 00:11:29,782
Seriously, she literally
pushed me into it.
237
00:11:29,866 --> 00:11:31,548
Mm. No.
238
00:11:32,728 --> 00:11:35,479
It sounds like you're blaming her.
Are you blaming her?
239
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:36,716
I'm not... I'm not...
240
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,156
Of course I wouldn't do that.
241
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,676
You shouldn't have
told her.
242
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,479
Hey, you know, T, I agree, because
I'd be, like, telling the truth,
243
00:11:43,564 --> 00:11:45,830
and it's much better to just
hide that under the surface
244
00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:48,756
and never acknowledge that you
are hiding something from a woman
245
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,447
who's let you into her bedroom.
Fix your brain.
246
00:11:52,532 --> 00:11:54,434
- Are you fucking insane?
- He made a mistake.
247
00:11:54,519 --> 00:11:55,719
A mis...
248
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,744
Yeah. Yes, yes,
he made a mistake, sure.
249
00:11:59,829 --> 00:12:02,596
Nobody gives a fuck that it's a
mistake, Terry. We all make those.
250
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,716
Do we make deceitful,
destructive, narcissistic,
251
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:08,548
sick, inconsiderate mistakes?
252
00:12:08,633 --> 00:12:10,470
Mm, no.
253
00:12:11,037 --> 00:12:12,806
So, on my birthday...
254
00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:15,939
...when you locked him
in a room with Jamal...
255
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,993
...what was that?
256
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,675
What? Wh...
257
00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,156
What am I... What am I doing?
258
00:12:22,248 --> 00:12:25,071
Samson's friend...
you locked him in with.
259
00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,642
Sorry, what?
260
00:12:26,727 --> 00:12:28,947
And then you just...
kind of just...
261
00:12:29,952 --> 00:12:31,628
What... Where - where...
Where is this...
262
00:12:31,743 --> 00:12:32,901
Where is this going?
263
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,379
You left Kwame in there...
264
00:12:35,678 --> 00:12:37,402
...without really thinking...
265
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,426
...about...
266
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,465
...the consequences.
267
00:12:42,551 --> 00:12:44,876
He wasn't in a good place,
so it was...
268
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,876
It was really hard
for him to be left there
269
00:12:48,254 --> 00:12:50,196
- because it...
- Uh-huh?
270
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,152
It was a dangerous...
It was a dangerous situation
271
00:12:53,277 --> 00:12:54,640
at that moment.
272
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:57,846
Kwame?
273
00:12:58,305 --> 00:12:59,545
Yeah?
274
00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:02,556
Wow, he's...
275
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,276
...here...
276
00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:07,970
...so I guess that means
you don't need to speak for him,
277
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,483
which is great,
278
00:13:09,568 --> 00:13:12,514
so you can just shut up
and fuck off.
279
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,156
Kwame...
280
00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,156
...um...
281
00:13:16,318 --> 00:13:17,811
I feel like I've...
282
00:13:19,334 --> 00:13:20,996
...been a good friend to you.
283
00:13:21,576 --> 00:13:24,304
You told me
what that guy did to you
284
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:27,000
- and I've tried to...
- Yeah, you are, you have been, Bells.
285
00:13:28,173 --> 00:13:30,584
Did I... Did I do...
286
00:13:35,896 --> 00:13:39,154
I... I don't... Cos if there's
something I did that day
287
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,045
that I'm not aware of...
288
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,896
Um, I...
289
00:13:45,227 --> 00:13:48,801
I can't even really remember,
like, for reals.
290
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:54,848
All right.
291
00:13:58,047 --> 00:14:00,394
I'm just saying, right,
if you...
292
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,898
...paint things to make it
look like you're a victim
293
00:14:04,983 --> 00:14:06,343
and I find out that...
294
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,269
...isn't entirely the case,
295
00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:12,390
it makes me question
who you are.
296
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,918
Now, just look in the mirror, do
you know what I mean? Because...
297
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:20,902
...it's really unnerving and it's
uncomfortable for everyone.
298
00:14:24,059 --> 00:14:25,386
Fuck this shit.
299
00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:28,418
♪ Apples, cherries, pain ♪
300
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,285
♪ Breathe in, breathe out, pain ♪
301
00:14:31,457 --> 00:14:36,777
♪ No, no, Novocaine ♪
♪ Still maintain my grace ♪
302
00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:44,289
♪ The more you burn away
the more the people earn from you
303
00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:47,676
♪ The more you pull away the more
that they depend on you
304
00:14:47,806 --> 00:14:51,558
♪ I've never seen a hero
like me in a sci-fi... ♪
305
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:55,199
Excuse me. Sorry, can I just see
if that wire goes into my vape?
306
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,465
It's losing its power.
307
00:14:56,550 --> 00:15:00,004
Amazing. Do you mind if
I hold on to that? Thank you.
308
00:15:00,248 --> 00:15:03,083
♪ I wonder if you think that
I could ever help you fly ♪
309
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:06,364
♪ Never seen a hero
like me in a sci-fi ♪
310
00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:09,142
♪ But I've seen my love and
I thought it belonged to you... ♪
311
00:15:09,227 --> 00:15:10,316
What is this?
312
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,196
It doesn't work but thank you.
313
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,196
Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
314
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,548
- Could you take a picture of me?
- OK.
315
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:20,930
Just, like, here.
316
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:25,484
Hey, sugar, I like your
horns and everything.
317
00:15:25,575 --> 00:15:26,657
Ah.
318
00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:30,360
It's really amazing that you think
your opinion should just be heard.
319
00:15:30,445 --> 00:15:32,641
I thought we were...
320
00:15:32,778 --> 00:15:35,416
Ah, hey... Come on!
321
00:15:35,524 --> 00:15:36,840
Whoo!
322
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,181
Hey, guys.
323
00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:45,756
Did you know that
all crash test dummies
324
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,876
they don't factor in breasts,
325
00:15:48,149 --> 00:15:50,736
hips, pregnancies.
326
00:15:50,821 --> 00:15:54,876
Cancer research relies on
studies conducted on men,
327
00:15:55,235 --> 00:15:56,348
on white men in their
328
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,276
20s to 30s, specifically.
329
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,476
There is no data
for women.
330
00:16:00,618 --> 00:16:04,236
Even the size of
a fucking smartphone is
331
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,396
based on the average
332
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,556
size of their hands.
333
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,716
I mean, it trickles down,
334
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,438
doesn't it?
335
00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:10,938
I wish I could tell you
these were somehow tricks,
336
00:16:11,023 --> 00:16:12,720
some fake news,
some bullshit,
337
00:16:12,829 --> 00:16:14,396
but sadly this is all true.
338
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,033
I shouldn't be scared that
as I walk this street,
339
00:16:17,118 --> 00:16:18,666
right now, at any moment,
340
00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:21,525
a man could drag me into
a dark alley and attack me.
341
00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,640
Fuck this shit. Fuck!
342
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,516
I love you too.
343
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:31,076
Doxing -
publishing private information.
344
00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,724
Thank you.
345
00:16:33,184 --> 00:16:36,156
I came across it
this morning. Doxxing -
346
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,670
any of you guys heard of it?
347
00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:41,116
Who would you dox if you could?
348
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,996
No, I will not show you
my fucking...!
349
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,116
#DoxTheCocks,
350
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,556
that's the new one, yeah?
351
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,836
If anyone's got Zain Tareen's home
address, feel free to share.
352
00:16:50,935 --> 00:16:53,216
Ha-ha-ha! Never dox!
353
00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:55,497
No, you should never dox.
354
00:16:55,715 --> 00:17:00,351
We don't need to take
matters into our own hands.
355
00:17:18,825 --> 00:17:20,599
To bury a...
356
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,516
...dark, hypocritical narrative, as
357
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,196
if it didn't even happen, just...
358
00:17:24,489 --> 00:17:27,075
...walk around like
some kind of victim.
359
00:17:27,512 --> 00:17:29,466
You seem very upset.
360
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,235
It's really affected you, hasn't it?
361
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:34,316
I never thought Kwame would turn
out to be this kind of person,
362
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,316
do you know what I mean?
Because he's my friend
363
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,403
and I don't keep
that kind of shit around me.
364
00:17:40,373 --> 00:17:41,849
Look at my Facebook...
365
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,740
...and my Instagram.
366
00:17:43,825 --> 00:17:45,092
Two, yeah?
367
00:17:45,177 --> 00:17:47,795
DM after DM after DM
368
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,476
after DM, there is
so much injustice.
369
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,756
And...
370
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,196
...my job is to speak the truth.
I have to speak the truth.
371
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,020
No matter who to.
I can't be complicit.
372
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,160
Do you need social media?
373
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,076
No, I don't need it.
374
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,076
Could you leave social media?
375
00:18:07,388 --> 00:18:08,596
It's I...
376
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,536
It's important that we speak.
377
00:18:10,651 --> 00:18:12,491
I have to speak.
378
00:18:13,471 --> 00:18:17,227
The business models of
these networks incentivise us
379
00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:20,664
to behave in certain ways,
380
00:18:20,749 --> 00:18:25,070
in ways that promote speaking
often at the cost of listening.
381
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,996
Do you remember the three Rs?
382
00:18:28,328 --> 00:18:30,996
Yeah. Rest, reflect, rejuvenate.
383
00:18:31,656 --> 00:18:34,196
Look, if you can't abandon it
altogether...
384
00:18:34,554 --> 00:18:35,789
...take a break.
385
00:18:37,828 --> 00:18:43,617
We take breaks. We don't work
weekends. We break for half term.
386
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,358
Even a cantor has a sabbatical.
387
00:18:46,554 --> 00:18:48,366
It's good for our mental health.
388
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,046
Sorry, by the way...
389
00:18:57,145 --> 00:18:58,301
Turning up...
390
00:18:58,386 --> 00:19:02,468
No, you called. That's what the
emergency line is for. You're fine.
391
00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:04,905
Thank you.
392
00:19:07,049 --> 00:19:08,325
How are other things?
393
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,476
Good.
394
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,676
Yeah, I've been writing nonstop,
day and night, so...
395
00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:15,356
I was wondering more about the case.
396
00:19:15,749 --> 00:19:17,436
Oh, they closed the case.
397
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:19,116
They closed the case? Mm.
398
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:20,826
It was about a month ago.
399
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,716
You know, I took my stuff, the
investigation bags, is that normal?
400
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,400
Everything and nothing is normal.
401
00:19:37,077 --> 00:19:38,916
What was it like? Opening them?
402
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,360
I didn't open them,
I just put them under the bed.
403
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,436
And they're still there now?
404
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,076
Yeah, but everything
is under my bed.
405
00:19:47,671 --> 00:19:48,717
Mm.
406
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,649
I think it's worth exploring...
407
00:19:54,140 --> 00:19:58,594
...the possibility - you have
an idea of self, let's say A...
408
00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,586
...for Arabella.
409
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,415
And then there's a line.
410
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,430
A hard surface, like a bed.
411
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:08,107
Dangerous things, dark things,
412
00:20:08,192 --> 00:20:12,797
anything that contradicts or
threatens your perceived reality
413
00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:14,293
go here.
414
00:20:17,774 --> 00:20:20,071
It happens more often
than you might think.
415
00:20:20,289 --> 00:20:23,994
A line is drawn
separating bad from good,
416
00:20:24,079 --> 00:20:26,883
friend from foe, men, women,
black, white.
417
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:31,336
Them, us. Criminal, victim.
God, devil.
418
00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:36,384
It helps us to deflect, you know,
avoid feelings like guilt,
419
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,796
uncertainty, self blame.
420
00:20:38,927 --> 00:20:40,969
These feelings are crucial
421
00:20:41,313 --> 00:20:42,806
in the stages of recovery.
422
00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:45,883
If we can't process
and understand them...
423
00:20:46,973 --> 00:20:49,579
...we can't process
and understand ourselves.
424
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,880
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
425
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,440
♪ Cos you're mine ♪
426
00:21:19,239 --> 00:21:23,846
♪ You better stop the things
you do ♪
427
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,862
♪ I ain't lyin' ♪
428
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,471
♪ I ain't lyin' ♪
429
00:21:31,850 --> 00:21:35,557
♪ I can't stand it... ♪
430
00:21:55,559 --> 00:21:58,128
- Hi, mate. What are you up to?
- Hey, mate.
431
00:21:58,245 --> 00:22:00,698
I kept the investigation bags,
from, you know,
432
00:22:00,784 --> 00:22:02,207
so I thought I'd get them out.
433
00:22:02,292 --> 00:22:05,073
- But then there's loads.
- Oh, right.Nice.
434
00:22:05,744 --> 00:22:06,860
Is this them?
435
00:22:07,155 --> 00:22:08,275
Mm-hm.
436
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,956
Mate, you've got loads
of stuff.
437
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:27,502
What's that?
438
00:22:37,651 --> 00:22:39,409
This was a long time ago.
439
00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:44,395
I can't remember.
440
00:22:47,451 --> 00:22:49,135
How many weeks was I?
441
00:22:50,101 --> 00:22:51,421
I don't remember.
442
00:23:00,431 --> 00:23:01,871
Ten weeks.
443
00:23:09,495 --> 00:23:11,276
I just went and...
444
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,236
...done it, and then I forgot.
445
00:23:14,546 --> 00:23:16,506
I never really
thought about it again.
446
00:23:21,951 --> 00:23:23,503
I guess I've, uh...
447
00:23:25,547 --> 00:23:27,107
I guess I, uh...
448
00:23:29,025 --> 00:23:31,104
Do you feel like
you made the wrong decision?
449
00:23:38,211 --> 00:23:39,331
No.
450
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,885
Doing what we have to do
doesn't always feel good, does it?
451
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,229
If you felt good,
I would be even more horrified.
452
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,956
DOORBELL BUZZES
When you paint things
453
00:23:52,128 --> 00:23:53,756
to make it look as if
you're just a victim,
454
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,534
and I find out that isn't the case,
455
00:23:56,753 --> 00:23:58,516
it really makes me
question who you are.
456
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,677
Just look in the mirror,
do you know what I mean?
457
00:24:01,761 --> 00:24:05,644
It's really uncomfortable
and unnerving for everyone.
458
00:24:19,344 --> 00:24:20,824
Sorry.
459
00:24:22,663 --> 00:24:24,063
Is Kwam here?
460
00:24:25,169 --> 00:24:27,925
He wasn't sure if you were OK
with him coming in.
461
00:24:28,431 --> 00:24:29,631
OK.
462
00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:38,979
Yo, I can go if you don't
want me here. I understand.
463
00:24:39,550 --> 00:24:41,036
Kwame...
464
00:24:41,214 --> 00:24:42,796
It was really...
465
00:24:43,010 --> 00:24:44,893
It was really intense today,
466
00:24:45,088 --> 00:24:46,401
and I'm sorry.
467
00:24:46,612 --> 00:24:48,508
I was wrong.
What I did was bad.
468
00:24:48,659 --> 00:24:51,471
I locked you
in this room...
469
00:24:52,592 --> 00:24:54,925
...and I didn't think about it.
470
00:24:55,159 --> 00:24:58,635
I was really dumb, and really
thoughtless, and I am sorry.
471
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,196
I don't want to think
about it.
472
00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,996
Fuck that shit.
Please just...
473
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,010
...forget about it.
474
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,729
I love you.
475
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,156
Yeah, I love you too.
476
00:25:11,286 --> 00:25:12,533
You OK?
477
00:25:12,626 --> 00:25:14,746
- Yeah?
- Are you OK?
478
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,832
Well, Terry's self-care
train is making me
479
00:25:17,924 --> 00:25:19,908
want to jump in front of one.Mm.
480
00:25:20,003 --> 00:25:23,120
So I'm going
to go to this location.
481
00:25:23,634 --> 00:25:24,910
HE LAUGHS
482
00:25:24,995 --> 00:25:26,269
MOANING
483
00:25:26,354 --> 00:25:28,356
You can't tell her.
She won't notice.
484
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,640
Mm.
485
00:25:33,586 --> 00:25:36,222
If you throw it hard enough...
486
00:25:36,307 --> 00:25:39,393
...it goes splat and a baby
comes from inside it.
487
00:25:41,503 --> 00:25:45,323
Right, er, well, I'm going
to go back watching TV.
488
00:25:45,565 --> 00:25:47,565
Halloween TV.
489
00:25:47,697 --> 00:25:51,956
Well...
So, er, right...
490
00:25:52,378 --> 00:25:53,677
Sleep well, mate.
491
00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:55,122
Thanks, Ben.
492
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,073
You sure you want to do this?
493
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:28,000
♪ Mushrooms and roses
is the place to be... ♪
494
00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:32,036
What do you need, Bell?
495
00:26:32,174 --> 00:26:33,831
Netflix?
496
00:26:34,081 --> 00:26:35,198
Painting?
497
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,050
Chocolate?
498
00:26:37,260 --> 00:26:38,753
Doodle?
499
00:26:39,104 --> 00:26:40,549
Mm...
500
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,962
Can we go for a walk?
501
00:26:52,047 --> 00:26:53,287
Sure.
502
00:26:55,424 --> 00:26:58,068
It's cold, Bella,
put your coat on.
503
00:26:58,675 --> 00:26:59,915
Bella!
504
00:27:00,702 --> 00:27:04,378
♪ We're all virgins to the joys
505
00:27:04,673 --> 00:27:08,633
♪ Of loving without fear... ♪
506
00:27:12,178 --> 00:27:14,639
This is a long walk.
507
00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:17,822
Bella?
508
00:27:44,678 --> 00:27:46,198
What are we doing?
509
00:27:54,976 --> 00:27:56,336
Yaasss...
510
00:28:02,372 --> 00:28:05,093
♪ Tommy thinks the crazies
are back in my mind ♪
511
00:28:05,178 --> 00:28:07,316
♪ Tommy says the children
are clouding my head ♪
512
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,316
♪ When everything is wrong
I dance inside my mind ♪
513
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,343
♪ That's when I come alive ♪
514
00:28:14,451 --> 00:28:16,343
♪ Like a schizo running wild ♪
515
00:28:16,622 --> 00:28:19,670
♪ That's when I come alive ♪
516
00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:22,303
♪ Now let's go wild ♪
517
00:28:23,885 --> 00:28:25,685
♪ Come on! ♪
518
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,812
♪ We're kicking at your window
and keeping you up ♪
519
00:28:33,897 --> 00:28:36,280
♪ And if you come to find me
I'll colour you red ♪
520
00:28:36,365 --> 00:28:40,561
♪ We're dancing in the dungeon
every Monday night. ♪
39364
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