Original subtitles

This programme contains very strong language from the start.

It's Gonna Rain by Rev Milton Brunson plays...

♪ See the clouds gathering. ♪

- Hey, mate. - Oh, hey.

You all right?

Yeah.

Sure?

Yeah, just tired, yeah. You all right?

Yeah, good.

- Ooh, happy Halloween. - You too.

Oblivion by Grimes plays...

What about me?

Why can't we have a White History Month?

Oh, what if we had a Straight Pride Day?

Why can't we have a Men's Day?

Whining, temper tantrums,

like, fucking little fragile children.

We get a day.

You get a lifetime, knowing that you are likely

to walk free from rape...

...so shut the fuck up.

This is why I be hating straight white guys

and you're not making it really hard for me to change my mind.

♪ I will wait forever ♪

♪ Always looking straight ♪

♪ Thinking, counting, all the hours you wait ♪

♪ Ooh ah-ah ♪

♪ See you on a dark night

♪ Ooh ah-ah. ♪

Doxing.

♪ See you on a dark night ♪

♪ Ooh ah-ah ♪

♪ See you on a dark night ♪ "I MAY DESTROY YOU"

♪ Ooh. ♪ Season 01 Episode 09

So, er, the readings have come back fine on the CT scan.

With regards to that everything is in order.

- Really? - Yay!

- Your blood pressure results, however... - Sorry, one sec.

As you know you can't give peace, unless you have peace.

I had a CT scan to check in with the mind

so for anybody who thinks I'm crazy for having Insta

and Twitter wars with rapists and life destroyers every day,

you can relax. I have the all-clear. Yay!

Besides, it's not every day.

Thursday I'm sat with my pompom on your dad's face. Ask him.

I care for him, I care for me. Care of self, self care.

I encourage you all to manifest it into your daily lives,

hold tight the NHS. Hold tight, babes,

I'm booking my appointment.

Oh, hey, snuggle bunnies, it's me... @TheRealTerryPratchard.

Be good to those who love you

because those who love you are good to you.

Thought I'd trick a motherfucker because it's Halloween, bitch ass.

Argh!

Back in the room, I'm sorry.

Er, so, yes, you will need to monitor that.

- What? Oh. - The blood pressure.

The higher the blood pressure, the bigger the knock-on effect

on the kidneys, which are already at an elevated risk

due to your being of Afro-Caribbean origin.

Erm, are there any new...

That was racial ignorance.

I'm not Afro-Caribbean, I'm actually African.

There's a unity and a distinction between those places

and as a London doctor you should be aware of those things

to avoid generalising people of colour and accidentally

becoming a deeply problematic member of your profession.

I'm sorry, it's just the term used on the reports.

It's got something to do with the form you keep pointing to,

maybe tell the big boss of the pharmaceutical neuro whatnot

to change the form. Who makes the form?

- Who makes the... - I just want them

to tell me what they mean by Afro-Caribbean,

given it's not where I'm from and it's used to describe my origin.

I-I don't know.

Is that the extent of your diagnosis?

"Hello, Arabella, you're Caribbean and I don't know."

- So, why is her blood pressure high? - That's what I don't know.

- She doesn't smoke. - No, she just vapes now. That's all.

- Oh. - What?

Well, vaping isn't...

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Do you agree

- that vaping is better than smoking? - Well, yes...

Then that's all we need to say about it.

But if there's a predisposition to kidney problems,

then it's better just to get rid of the vape completely.

Doc, I think my friend is stressed.

- Do you confirm? - Yes.

- And the rape's stressful, do you confirm? - Yes.

And other stressed people asking her to defend them

and expose rapists, abusers and paedos, and she does this day

and night, via phone screen.

- Stressful, do you confirm? - Yes.

So why would we tell her to stop vaping

if it doesn't take a professional to see that the stress

from the phone will kill her faster

than any puff of nicotine ever will?

Energy by Jean Deaux plays...

♪ Nah, I don't like it, I don't like it ♪

♪ I don't like it at all ♪

♪ I don't like your energy... ♪

♪ You don't have to see it that way. ♪

Who are they?

Right, I don't know who that is, but that's Michael.

So he sent you...

a video of him having sex with someone else.

Er, well, yeah, of course, let me at least see what

he looks like on top of someone else

before I tap my Oyster and creep under it.

I like that. You like it?

They had loads of wings, fangs, but only one halo. Ooh.

You'd think that they'd stock up on these things given it's Halloween.

- Yeah, shit. - Yeah.

So now we have to battle it out. Could I state my case first?

You know what? We wouldn't even be here doing this self-care day

if it wasn't for you setting it all up, Terry, so yes,

you should state your case first,

but I-I don't know how you feel about this, Bells,

I'm actually happy and indeed willing to let you wear the halos.

- Guys, are you sure? - Definitely.

Yeah, def... Yeah.

Come on, then!

Paint and Wine, it is a first come, first served,

so we're going to need to be prompt with time.

Hey, hey.

- Hi. - I just wanted to say

thank you for your content.

- Oh! - I know your work, I've read your posts

and what you're doing for rape victims, girl.

- Whoa. - Thank you,

- thank you so much. - Yeah.

I was abused by a straight white male, as a child.

I spoke out for the first time a few months ago and...

...it's not easy... as a man

as a black man, to be honest, to-to show pain.

- It comes at a price. - Er, sorry, you must be busy.- No.

No, listen, I am never too busy to talk about pain.

Because some people don't want to engage the minute you try

and talk about some real shit.

Yeah, they, er, kind of treat you like a broken vessel, right?

Some people, they don't want to dig too deep, you know?

Because if they dig deep enough

- they'd see they're in pain too. - They're in pain as well,

that's it. Wow, you're so brave.

Keep fighting the good fight, yeah?

Thank you. Thank you so much

for reminding me of all the pain and frustration.

Now it's all I can think about.

Oh, it's my pleasure, make sure you tell all your friends to follow me

and make me more powerful.

Of course, you're my shero,

consoler of the weak and avenger of the bad men.

- Oi, Bells. Can we go? - Yeah, wait...

One sec.

This echo chamber is freezing.

I'm cold. You never know, Kwams,

you might be feeling a bit down one day and you just might need

someone who agrees whatever the fuck you say.

- Even if you are chatting shit. - Bye. - Bye.

Sorry, guys.

Er, we said no phones.

No vaping.

Whoa.

Bella! I'm spreading awareness, people should know.

I'm not going to upload it now.

- I'm just going to take it and then I'll post it later. - Fine.

Hay, bunnies, thought I'd let you know about

the POC Paint and Wine movement.

I believe we have the right to express ourselves,

to be vulnerable, to grow, to free ourselves, without the critical

eyes of our oppressor shaming and trashing us while we create.

The POC Paint and Wine movement...

- Is it even a movement? - I don't know why she keeps saying that.

Paint and... wine.

Self-care.

Friendship, expression, art, creativity, peace,

this is what I've done so far.

Cue... oh!

OK, peace and love. Don't forget who booked it,

my bae, @TheRealTerryPratchard.

Actor, angel, cuddle bunny, snuggle butt. Holla!

Ah! Ah!

Snuggle butt. Really!

Anyways, Kwame, you were saying - this racist bitch Nilufer.

Oh, yeah.

I hate it when white girls disappoint me.

She says some homophobic stuff as well.

What?

Yeah, she said the F word.

People think they can chat shit and get away with it.

Yeah, it's kind of dark, still.

I'm sorry, Kwams. Why didn't you say something?

I just want to forget about it.

- I don't want to think about it now. - I hope you pulled your dick out.

It was afterwards, actually.

We were just chilling and it really made me think,

what are people saying in your absence? Do you know what I mean?

Oh, OK, so she didn't know you were...

She didn't know you were gay until after?

And after I called her out and her homophobic bullshit,

the way she fucking hit the roof.

Kwame, why did you tell her?

She said "faggot", just casually. How am I supposed to stay silent?

You didn't mind her racially stereotyping you.

You definitely didn't mind cos you fucked her.

As I said, I really wasn't trying to do anything with her.

It's also no wonder she was angry.

She found out you were gay after you stuck your dick in her

and shot a load up.

I don't know, I think I would be at least a little bit, like...

I feel terrible about it but she kind of forced me so...

Yeah.

Well, you... kind of had penetrative sex with someone

under false pretences, Kwams, that's a bit...

I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with this thing?

- You need to top it up. - OK.

I'm saying I feel shit, I don't feel good about it.

Um... Yeah, yeah, I mean,

Kwams, I'm sure she feels absolutely superb.

I just think that it was really confusing for everyone.

No. Terry, as someone who has not experienced rape,

you should be listening and not concluding conversations.

- What? - There's no vaping in the...

Bella...

He said he didn't feel good about it.

He's a man concealing his identity,

following a woman into her home.

He's making someone vulnerable.

If he felt good about that, I'd be fucking horrified.

I'm saying he's got his own...

- He's vulnerable. - Yeah.

Being vulnerable doesn't mean you can make other people vulnerable.

It doesn't mean you can put other people through pain,

it doesn't mean you can penetrate peop...

Seriously, she literally pushed me into it.

Mm. No.

It sounds like you're blaming her. Are you blaming her?

I'm not... I'm not...

Of course I wouldn't do that.

You shouldn't have told her.

Hey, you know, T, I agree, because I'd be, like, telling the truth,

and it's much better to just hide that under the surface

and never acknowledge that you are hiding something from a woman

who's let you into her bedroom. Fix your brain.

- Are you fucking insane? - He made a mistake.

A mis...

Yeah. Yes, yes, he made a mistake, sure.

Nobody gives a fuck that it's a mistake, Terry. We all make those.

Do we make deceitful, destructive, narcissistic,

sick, inconsiderate mistakes?

Mm, no.

So, on my birthday...

...when you locked him in a room with Jamal...

...what was that?

What? Wh...

What am I... What am I doing?

Samson's friend... you locked him in with.

Sorry, what?

And then you just... kind of just...

What... Where - where... Where is this...

Where is this going?

You left Kwame in there...

...without really thinking...

...about...

...the consequences.

He wasn't in a good place, so it was...

It was really hard for him to be left there

- because it... - Uh-huh?

It was a dangerous... It was a dangerous situation

at that moment.

Kwame?

Yeah?

Wow, he's...

...here...

...so I guess that means you don't need to speak for him,

which is great,

so you can just shut up and fuck off.

Kwame...

...um...

I feel like I've...

...been a good friend to you.

You told me what that guy did to you

- and I've tried to... - Yeah, you are, you have been, Bells.

Did I... Did I do...

I... I don't... Cos if there's something I did that day

that I'm not aware of...

Um, I...

I can't even really remember, like, for reals.

All right.

I'm just saying, right, if you...

...paint things to make it look like you're a victim

and I find out that...

...isn't entirely the case,

it makes me question who you are.

Now, just look in the mirror, do you know what I mean? Because...

...it's really unnerving and it's uncomfortable for everyone.

Fuck this shit.

♪ Apples, cherries, pain ♪

♪ Breathe in, breathe out, pain ♪

♪ No, no, Novocaine ♪ ♪ Still maintain my grace ♪

♪ The more you burn away the more the people earn from you

♪ The more you pull away the more that they depend on you

♪ I've never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi... ♪

Excuse me. Sorry, can I just see if that wire goes into my vape?

It's losing its power.

Amazing. Do you mind if I hold on to that? Thank you.

♪ I wonder if you think that I could ever help you fly ♪

♪ Never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi ♪

♪ But I've seen my love and I thought it belonged to you... ♪

What is this?

It doesn't work but thank you.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

- Could you take a picture of me? - OK.

Just, like, here.

Hey, sugar, I like your horns and everything.

Ah.

It's really amazing that you think your opinion should just be heard.

I thought we were...

Ah, hey... Come on!

Whoo!

Hey, guys.

Did you know that all crash test dummies

they don't factor in breasts,

hips, pregnancies.

Cancer research relies on studies conducted on men,

on white men in their

20s to 30s, specifically.

There is no data for women.

Even the size of a fucking smartphone is

based on the average

size of their hands.

I mean, it trickles down,

doesn't it?

I wish I could tell you these were somehow tricks,

some fake news, some bullshit,

but sadly this is all true.

I shouldn't be scared that as I walk this street,

right now, at any moment,

a man could drag me into a dark alley and attack me.

Fuck this shit. Fuck!

I love you too.

Doxing - publishing private information.

Thank you.

I came across it this morning. Doxxing -

any of you guys heard of it?

Who would you dox if you could?

No, I will not show you my fucking...!

#DoxTheCocks,

that's the new one, yeah?

If anyone's got Zain Tareen's home address, feel free to share.

Ha-ha-ha! Never dox!

No, you should never dox.

We don't need to take matters into our own hands.

To bury a...

...dark, hypocritical narrative, as

if it didn't even happen, just...

...walk around like some kind of victim.

You seem very upset.

It's really affected you, hasn't it?

I never thought Kwame would turn out to be this kind of person,

do you know what I mean? Because he's my friend

and I don't keep that kind of shit around me.

Look at my Facebook...

...and my Instagram.

Two, yeah?

DM after DM after DM

after DM, there is so much injustice.

And...

...my job is to speak the truth. I have to speak the truth.

No matter who to. I can't be complicit.

Do you need social media?

No, I don't need it.

Could you leave social media?

It's I...

It's important that we speak.

I have to speak.

The business models of these networks incentivise us

to behave in certain ways,

in ways that promote speaking often at the cost of listening.

Do you remember the three Rs?

Yeah. Rest, reflect, rejuvenate.

Look, if you can't abandon it altogether...

...take a break.

We take breaks. We don't work weekends. We break for half term.

Even a cantor has a sabbatical.

It's good for our mental health.

Sorry, by the way...

Turning up...

No, you called. That's what the emergency line is for. You're fine.

Thank you.

How are other things?

Good.

Yeah, I've been writing nonstop, day and night, so...

I was wondering more about the case.

Oh, they closed the case.

They closed the case? Mm.

It was about a month ago.

You know, I took my stuff, the investigation bags, is that normal?

Everything and nothing is normal.

What was it like? Opening them?

I didn't open them, I just put them under the bed.

And they're still there now?

Yeah, but everything is under my bed.

Mm.

I think it's worth exploring...

...the possibility - you have an idea of self, let's say A...

...for Arabella.

And then there's a line.

A hard surface, like a bed.

Dangerous things, dark things,

anything that contradicts or threatens your perceived reality

go here.

It happens more often than you might think.

A line is drawn separating bad from good,

friend from foe, men, women, black, white.

Them, us. Criminal, victim. God, devil.

It helps us to deflect, you know, avoid feelings like guilt,

uncertainty, self blame.

These feelings are crucial

in the stages of recovery.

If we can't process and understand them...

...we can't process and understand ourselves.

♪ I put a spell on you ♪

♪ Cos you're mine ♪

♪ You better stop the things you do ♪

♪ I ain't lyin' ♪

♪ I ain't lyin' ♪

♪ I can't stand it... ♪

- Hi, mate. What are you up to? - Hey, mate.

I kept the investigation bags, from, you know,

so I thought I'd get them out.

- But then there's loads. - Oh, right.Nice.

Is this them?

Mm-hm.

Mate, you've got loads of stuff.

What's that?

This was a long time ago.

I can't remember.

How many weeks was I?

I don't remember.

Ten weeks.

I just went and...

...done it, and then I forgot.

I never really thought about it again.

I guess I've, uh...

I guess I, uh...

Do you feel like you made the wrong decision?

No.

Doing what we have to do doesn't always feel good, does it?

If you felt good, I would be even more horrified.

DOORBELL BUZZES When you paint things

to make it look as if you're just a victim,

and I find out that isn't the case,

it really makes me question who you are.

Just look in the mirror, do you know what I mean?

It's really uncomfortable and unnerving for everyone.

Sorry.

Is Kwam here?

He wasn't sure if you were OK with him coming in.

OK.

Yo, I can go if you don't want me here. I understand.

Kwame...

It was really...

It was really intense today,

and I'm sorry.

I was wrong. What I did was bad.

I locked you in this room...

...and I didn't think about it.

I was really dumb, and really thoughtless, and I am sorry.

I don't want to think about it.

Fuck that shit. Please just...

...forget about it.

I love you.

Yeah, I love you too.

You OK?

- Yeah? - Are you OK?

Well, Terry's self-care train is making me

want to jump in front of one.Mm.

So I'm going to go to this location.

HE LAUGHS

MOANING

You can't tell her. She won't notice.

Mm.

If you throw it hard enough...

...it goes splat and a baby comes from inside it.

Right, er, well, I'm going to go back watching TV.

Halloween TV.

Well... So, er, right...

Sleep well, mate.

Thanks, Ben.

You sure you want to do this?

♪ Mushrooms and roses is the place to be... ♪

What do you need, Bell?

Netflix?

Painting?

Chocolate?

Doodle?

Mm...

Can we go for a walk?

Sure.

It's cold, Bella, put your coat on.

Bella!

♪ We're all virgins to the joys

♪ Of loving without fear... ♪

This is a long walk.

Bella?

What are we doing?

Yaasss...

♪ Tommy thinks the crazies are back in my mind ♪

♪ Tommy says the children are clouding my head ♪

♪ When everything is wrong I dance inside my mind ♪

♪ That's when I come alive ♪

♪ Like a schizo running wild ♪

♪ That's when I come alive ♪

♪ Now let's go wild ♪

♪ Come on! ♪

♪ We're kicking at your window and keeping you up ♪

♪ And if you come to find me I'll colour you red ♪

♪ We're dancing in the dungeon every Monday night. ♪