Original subtitles

You all know I had to reset my sobriety clock a few times,

so this little two-year chip feels pretty big right now.

This year, it's had its up and downs.

- But where I am today... - We just passed 8,000 orders!

Would you shush?

Oh, relax. Nobody can hear me.

Um... made my amends, I'm working full-time.

I regained custody of my lizard, Spencer.

Oh, and I finally moved into my own place.

Yes!

Anyway, um... one day at a time.

Keep coming back.

And hey, how cool is it to get a cake for not doing something?

- Ow. - What? That's my Coyote howl.

Couldn't you have named him something quieter, like Train Horn?

Sober!

I'm really proud of him.

I am, too.

Glad I had a drink before I came.

Ooh, that was the move.

So how are things at the Continental Congress?

Well, Peter has asked me to stop directing the other actors in my scenes,

but I don't know, they do things I hate.

Other people are the worst.

I don't want to assume anything, but I got you tickets for opening night.

Well, I'll make an exception to my community theater rule.

But if there's audience participation, I walk.

Fair enough.

I thought I'd take Bud and Coyote out to Philipe's. Would you like to join us?

Oh, that sounds so good. I'm starving.

- I can't go. - Why not?

- I'm getting a signal. - What signal?

Oh, I know that game.

What is it with these people?

I'll get that, honey.

All right.

- What happened to your wrist? - Carpal tunnel.

- Do you work on a computer a lot? - No.

- Oh. - Hey, how come Brianna didn't come?

Oh, she's, um... vacationing in Baltimore.

Barry moved to Baltimore?

Wow, that's a long way to go to stalk somebody.

Right, like you're not weird as fuck.

I'm gonna go pick an orange out of the punch.

- That's your house? - Yeah. All 160 square feet of it.

It's amazing how quickly you can fill a space.

Do you ever wake up, forget you live there, and think that you became a giant?

Yes!

No, every morning! I do!

Who's that?

That is Coyote's "It's not like that" girl, AKA Nadia.

Nadia. Is she Russian?

- No. Calabasas. So, Calabassian. - Oh.

That looks very "like that" to me.

- Oh, it's so like that. - What are you talking about?

Coyote's "it's not like that" girl.

Aw, it's totally like that.

- Want some orange? - Nope.

- Okay. - Wow, you are one lucky man.

- Can I have some? - Oh.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

I need to borrow your George Foreman grill.

I don't own a George Foreman grill.

You sure?

Then whose George am I holding?

I don't know. Yours?

Huh. Anyway, see you later.

Yeah, hey, Frankie.

Look. Did you not see all these orders that still have to go out?

Sure do.

But I haven't seen Jacob in weeks

and we're supposed to have a romantic barbecue.

- Anyway, thanks for the grill. - Stop.

You can always burn down Jacob's farm another time.

We have to get all these to the distribution center by 4:30.

But it's Sunday, the Lord's day.

You're Jewish. Yesterday was your day.

Today is my day and I say we work.

Oh!

Another order.

I just hate to cancel on Jacob again.

He already bought the Tofurger and Not Dogs for me.

Well, I'm sure those things will taste just as awful on another day

that's not today.

You know, he and I have to talk about stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Um... You know... Jacob and Frankie stuff.

Relationship-oriented chit-chat and such.

Uh-oh. What did you do?

I didn't do anything. I'm delightful.

Well, don't screw it up, 'cause he's a good one.

He really is.

So good, in fact, that I know he won't mind waiting a little longer

for his chit-chat and facsimile meat.

You know, Grace, I've been crunching the numbers

and doing some business-oriented strategizing.

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

I'm thinking about how people really want the thing they can't have.

Like the McRib.

If we're gonna create a frenzy for our product,

we have to take it off the market.

So you want us to shut down?

Interesting.

Now that you mention it, Grace, yes, we definitely should shut down.

Look, I know it's intense right now,

but we're going to look back at these days like the most fun we ever had.

When I started Say Grace, it was the girls and me in the garage

every weekend packing up skin cream.

Didn't Brianna report you for child labor violations?

We should hire your grandkids!

Oh, yeah. The authorities would love that.

Okay, smarty pants,

if it's gonna be the two of us, we'll never get this done by 4:30.

Not with that attitude, we won't.

All right. We do need help.

Sorry, George.

Well, now I know whose that is.

Oh, yeah.

Meow.

Oh.

You said you had your stomach thing, but you were putting on a sexy outfit.

Well, I did have my stomach thing and then I put on my sexy outfit.

Wow. Well, I was gonna wait until it got dark outside,

but, um... I also got a little something to add to the party.

I hope it's not, you know, too kinky...

but... bam!

Wow.

What do you think? We don't have to, you know, try it if you don't want to.

- Wanna make sure everybody's comfortable... - I love it!

- You do? - Yes! It'll be totally worth the hives.

- Bud, I've never seen this side of you. - Mmm.

Are you gonna spray whipped cream all over me, you bad boy?

I... didn't get any whipped cream.

What'd you get, chocolate syrup or something?

Caramel sauce? You got butterscotch?

I got strawberries.

Okay.

So, um... like, what do we do with them?

Eat them and then sex?

Full disclosure, I didn't have time to read the whole Cosmo article

at the dentist.

Oh, also, I'm supposed to spank you.

Ooh.

But, obviously, we can work our way up to that.

Well, now that you bring it up, I actually brought something, too.

- Oh. - Yeah.

It's from your mom's company.

- Uh... my mom gave you that? - No, that would be so weird.

Your mom's partner gave it to me.

I mentioned that I had carpal tunnel and she shoved it in my purse.

Is it for...

It is for us to use... on me.

- Oh, yeah. Cool. I know. - Yeah. Cool.

Very cool. If it's too weird for you, we don't have to.

Are you kidding me? I'm the guy who suggested the strawberries.

- Yeah, so okay, what do you think? - Let's do this!

- Do this. Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah, yeah.

You go in and, uh... I'm gonna just Google some stuff real quick.

- Okay, you go do that. - Yeah, yeah.

So?

What do you think?

Where is it?

That's very funny.

No, I love it. It's really cute.

It's doll-house cute, right?

Yeah. Like, if Ken got one for Barbie, he'd get super laid.

Uh, no, Ken doesn't have a penis and Barbie's a tease.

- Hey! - Hey.

I saw you through the window,

so I wanted to come say hi and bring you this. I signed for it.

Oh! My prescription shampoo! Awesome!

It's regular shampoo, it just has medicine in it.

Not... There's not a problem.

Some people, they hear "prescription," they think...

Hi, I'm Mallory.

Hey.

Yeah, Coyote's told me so much about you.

And your kids. He loves those kids.

Yeah, I really do.

Hey, I'm gonna make some smoothies. Mallory, quick question:

- can I use your blender? - Sure.

All right.

- Oh, you got any frozen yogurt? - In the freezer.

- You got any fruit? - In the fridge.

- What kind of fruit? - Just go look.

- He's a good guy. - Yeah.

I'm glad I met him when I did.

Sort of marches to the beat of his own drummer, doesn't he?

Oh, yeah.

I was watching you two at the meeting. You looked very cute together.

Oh! It's not like that.

Okay, I've known the guy since he was five years old and, believe me, it's like that.

What?

Totally. He's crazy about you.

Oh.

Uh...

I gotta go.

Wait, what?

Did I just...

I think you did.

I need to not be here right now.

Your bananas are too green! Where are you going?

There is this housewarming...

I said I might stop by later, which is now, right?

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I gotta go.

Wait. Nadia, wait a sec...

What the hell was that?

Uh...

Mallory, what happened?

I was just trying to be your bird dog.

- My what? - You know, guys go out,

one tries to pick up a girl, one of them's his bird dog?

Oh, my God, are you trying to say "wing man" right now?

- What did you say to her? - I just told her that you liked her.

What? Are you kidding me?

- I'm sorry, but you do like her, right? - Yes. Of course I like her,

- but I'm not gonna tell her that. - Are you 15?

In many ways, yes.

She's new to the program, okay?

She's not supposed to be in a relationship for the first year.

I was waiting.

Trying to be a grown-up for once.

I just wanted to help.

Yeah, but now she knows, and she can't un-know it.

- I'm so sorry. - "Sorry" doesn't fix it.

Just... get off my lawn.

Somehow, packing vibrators with my ex-wife is not how I imagined my Sunday.

But who knew it would be so fun?

Gold star for Sol.

Do you see what he's done here and why I'm congratulating him?

Look how straight his label is. This is our goal.

As opposed to...

this. Now, I'm not asking who is responsible for this abomination,

but why don't you take Sol's box back out and use it as a model.

A model, wow.

What can I say, you gave very clear instructions.

- Kiss ass. - Brown-noser.

Come on, get pumped, people. We have a deadline to meet.

Oh, now you're concerned about deadlines?

But when it's 11:55 and Del Taco's about to close,

where is your concern then, Grace?

This is more important than "second dinner."

Every label represents a customer who's responded to our product.

Doesn't that excite you? Whoo!

Can we at least take a coffee break?

I don't need coffee. I'm energized by the work.

Whoo!

Whoo!

- I miss you! - I know you do!

Yeah, I really brought the ruckus. Oh!

Hey, I'm starving. You hungry?

I bet you are.

I'll whip up something for you.

Um...

Gluten-free pancakes?

I'd throw some strawberries on there if I hadn't eaten them all.

Sorry about that.

Ended up needing the energy, though, am I right, babe?

Right, babe?

Quick scramble?

Babe?

Allison?

Whoa.

If I'd known you were as good at this as you were at stealing my husband,

I would've gone into business with you.

He actually made the first move.

You know, we don't need to talk about this.

No, we don't.

If you recall, the last time we huddled around a computer together,

we were courting a mustachioed mystery man.

We were young then. We're wiser now.

So, no new moustaches?

Just Frankie's.

Not much for water-cooler talk, are you, boss?

I like that you call me "Boss."

Come on, we can take a tiny break.

I hear there's a Singles Night at the Senior Center...

No. End of discussion.

But eventually, don't you want to date again?

Sol...

I just think you deserve to be happy!

I am happy.

I've got Vybrant. I've got Frankie,

who finally has gotten over her fear of the garbage disposal.

This is enough for me.

Of course. I totally respect that and I'm really glad to hear you say it.

Of course, Freud believed that it's love which defines humanity.

The same Freud that diagnosed me with penis envy?

They weren't all hits.

But he did say you need both work and love to be happy.

Yeah? Then why did you retire?

I have no idea.

Break's over.

You know, we could just make a run for it.

Are you a good swimmer? We could be in Japan in a year.

Actually, I'm a very good swimmer.

I'm not, I'll just have to piggyback it.

I know why I hate this stuff,

but you seem to hate this stuff and it's actually your stuff.

I just pictured myself on the front lines,

handing vibrators out to the masses,

mobilizing nursing homes, that kind of thing.

Ah! Reality can be a stark departure from fantasy.

Get me that on a hat.

Although, that's a lot of words, get me two hats.

You know, when I got out of law school I thought I'd be like Perry Mason.

You know, winning all those dramatic cases at the last moment,

holding the entire courtroom in my thrall.

At least you've got two working legs.

You're thinking of Ironside.

Why am I confused here?

Same actor. Raymond Burr.

Does this look like Sol's?

I guess if you tilt it.

What do I know? I'm not a box genius, like Sol and Grace.

How do you know? You've only done two.

- Lay off me, man. - Okay.

It's Jacob. What do I say?

"Hello, Jacob"?

Good. I like that.

Hello, Jacob.

I know. I'm so sorry.

I don't think I can make it.

Of course I want to talk to you about it. I'm not avoiding you, I promise.

Let's talk about it tomorrow.

Oh, unless, of course, Grace has a bunch of these boxes she wants me to finish.

Okay. Okay, bye-bye.

Everything okay over there?

Sorry. None of my business.

Unless I make it your business because I need to get it off my chest.

Jacob is selling the farm and moving to New Mexico and he wants me to go with him.

New Mexico?

I know.

Are you thinking about it?

I am thinking about it.

But I don't know.

On the one hand I've got my life here with Grace, my boys, our business.

And on the other there's Jacob with a whole new adventure.

Have you talked to Grace?

Oh, no. I can't talk to her till I figure it out.

But I usually figure things out with her. So it's a brain-buster.

I get that.

But you're gonna have to tell her sooner rather than later.

Take it from a man who told her later and really wishes he told her sooner.

Can I tell her when she's asleep?

Or under the hair dryer, or general anesthesia?

Frankie, get in here!

Oh, God, she heard us.

- You think she heard us? - No.

Be cool.

Right behind you, kid.

So, time for lunch yet?

Unbelievable!

I'm hungry.

Someone is ripping off our vibrator.

Arlene just sent me an article.

A design geared for the older woman,

"with a gel sleeve, an adjustable head and glow in the dark buttons."

Oh, that's what we're doing!

That's my point.

It's what Hydrox did to Oreos.

We've been Hydroxed!

Actually, Hydrox was invented first, in 1908.

- And, in fact, Oreo was the one... - I forgot you were a cookie historian.

Well, they can't do that. Wait, who's they?

- Some company called Sex Tech. - Never heard of them.

It's a division of Omni Tech.

Oh, they made my boom box.

This is bad, Frankie. We might have to sue them.

Wait a minute, hold on. You do not want to do that.

They have a lot of money. They have lawyers for their lawyers.

He's right. It could tie you up in court for years.

Years? Would I have to be here for that?

Why wouldn't you be here?

What kind of look is that?

What look?

The look you just gave him and the one he gave you back.

Oh, my God, did you know about this?

No.

Grace, I would have told you.

Yeah, like when my breast was out at Jamba Juice?

Maybe we should let these two talk.

Talk about what, Robert?

If the looks weren't looks, what is there to talk about?

Frankie?

It's not about the article.

Well, then what's it about?

Santa Fe.

Thank you for being so brave, Brendan.

Would anyone else like to share?

Hi, I'm Nadia. I'm an alcoholic/addict.

Hi, Nadia.

And I had a really hard day.

This guy I know apparently has feelings for me and it freaked me out.

I think because I have feelings for him, too.

In the past, I would've ripped this guy's pants off in the middle of the street,

done him right there.

And then, I would have ripped him off.

But this was my first time in this situation sober

and I didn't know how to handle it.

He's a nice guy...

and I've never been with one of those.

But maybe, in the future...

over time, and if he's patient...

who knows.

She likes me.

Are the eggs okay?

Yeah, they're delicious. Why?

I don't know. You don't seem to be making that much noise.

I'm sorry.

Mmm!

Are you sure you don't mean...

What is the matter with you?

After we were done, when I came to the kitchen, you stayed in the bedroom,

and made that noise.

Oh. That was because of the vibrator.

But I thought we were...

I thought you were... completed.

I was! I totally was.

I just... took another spin around the old block.

But that sound you were making was way different from the sound you make with me.

- And? - Does that mean it's better?

They were just two different experiences.

Like surf and turf.

Surf and turf is one experience by definition.

- Not the way I eat it. - You're not answering the question.

I had an amazing time with you.

That was some of the best sex that we've ever had.

Why don't you make that sound with me?

No, it has nothing to do with you.

It's just...

It's a perfectly designed machine.

Okay. I get it.

You're well-designed, too.

Okay, okay. Enough with the adorable bullshit.

Don't be mad at the vibrator.

When I'm with you, it's beautiful and it really means something.

You don't have to say that, but thanks.

You're welcome.

Oh, I have to go home. I gotta feed Gregory.

Can you please stop worrying?

- Give me one more shot. - What?

Give me a chance to beat the machine.

You know, there's been an awful lot of attention on me today.

Let me try a little something.

Jacob is moving to Santa Fe.

What?

His kids are there.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

He asked me to go with him.

Wh...

- You're not thinking of going? - I don't know.

I mean, there are a million things to think about.

- When is he moving? - I don't know.

- Then when would you have... - I don't know that either.

Nothing has been decided yet.

Well, since you don't know anything,

I have at least 400 vibrators to box.

Four hundred and one.

Can we talk about this, please?

Can you print some more labels, please?

- Grace... - No!

I can't... I can't talk about this right now.

So, label, label, label.

And please, would you put the paper in right-side up this time.

What are you doing?

I'm knocking on your walls, Grace. I'm gonna find a way in.

Where's the door? Show me a window.

Frankie, is this how you want to be murdered?

Looks like I'll just shimmy over the top and come through the chimney.

Please talk to me. This is a big deal.

For both of us.

Excuse me.

I'm just thinking about what I want for the rest of my life.

- Don't you ever think about that? - Yeah.

What do you see when you visualize your future?

Zero boxes in my house.

I picture myself in a hot air balloon.

Oh, wait a minute, I've changed my answer.

When I picture my life, I'm holding a giant pin.

No, really. I want to fly freely. I want to soar.

I want a big life that encompasses many different things.

Oh, congratulations, you dream about being a flying human fruit basket.

Talk to me. This is important.

This is important, too.

Look, if you're not gonna help, the least you can do is not slow me down.

- I can help. - No.

Obviously, you have a lot to think about. So go think.

I'm fine.

We'll talk about this in the morning... I guess.

Yeah.

Okay, good night.