Original subtitles

♪

It is true, we were bumped from the Lloydminster rec centre

this year due to a scheduling conflict.

Turns out they're using it

for their "Fight Cancer Walkathon" headquarters.

Pfft.

Those rec centre people are as good as dead to me now.

♪

Oh, here we go.

All right, Dennis. Look alive.

We're about to play hardball here,

and if we show any sign of weakness in front of these types

they'll gut us.

Thanks, Mom.

You're late.

Sorry, my mom couldn't find her purse.

I'm sorry, we're working on a pretty tight schedule here.

- What was your name? - Griffin.

The old key act. Seen it a million times.

Gotta wake up a lot earlier than that to rattle old Barb.

A lot earlier.

(opera music playing)

Whoa, I feel like I'm about to jump out of a plane.

Okay.

Watch the process.

(whirring)

It's important never to rush the process, you know?

"Getting things done" is such a Western idea.

I think everybody knows that the muse runs on her own schedule.

You know? Rushing is suicide.

♪

Oh, you know. Just the usual for a guy like me.

My favourite. Soul food.

My sous chef.

Just kidding. That's my wonderful wife, Simran.

She loves it when I cook Canadian cuisine.

No.

(shouting indistinctly)

Oh boy.

♪

It's been a bit of trial and error.

It's kinda hard to figure this out on your own.

I've, uh, had to seek some help.

Rhett Peltier, carve you a dime, give you nine cents change.

He calls himself "the original bad boy of Alberta carving."

I dislike having him in my home.

He's been really helpful.

He actually knew my dad back in the day.

Used to call his dad the "Loon-a-tic,"

'cause all he carved was loons.

Yeah... your dad.

He attracted more hens than Cigar Daisy.

You went with him to any waterfowl carving show

in Western Canada,

and the ducks weren't the only thing getting wet.

When I say "wet" I mean wetter than a Manitoba marsh.

Hold on, hens?

Carving groupies.

There's no way that's a thing.

Oh, it's a thing.

Right. (chuckling nervously)

Let me start burning in the feathers.

Whoa! What'd I tell you about putting your greasy paws

all over an unfinished loon?

Sorry.

Now that's better.

Carvers can be a bit particular.

They're weird.

♪

Clerk: Hello, sir. Can I can help you with anything?

Does this place carry draw knives?

Um, pardon me?

Fixed blade knives for carving.

I don't think we carry those.

Maybe try houseware? This is the woodworking section.

I know what section I'm in.

Sure. It's just that the tools for carving meat

aren't over here. See, we separate the tools based on--

Meat?! It's carving, son! Wood carving!

Oh, I think you mean whittling.

(laughing in disbelief)

Call it what you must.

Okay. Well, it looks like we don't have it,

so what I can recommend is maybe a kitchen knife.

I can take you over to the section that--

Stop. Next you're going to tell me you don't know the difference

between flat sawn and quarter sawn lumber.

Uh, of course I do. Let me just look it up.

(groaning) What is the world coming to?!

Have a great day!

Yike.

♪

Oh my God.

No way.

It's perfect!

What do you think about the acoustics, Griffin?

Um... good?

(stomping)

Blue bill!

Blue bill!

Pintail! Pintail! Pintail!

Pintail!

Pintail! Oh!

Ma-mallard! Dr-drake!

Merganser! Merganser!

Mer! (stomping)

Hey! Hey!

Maaaa! Maaaa!

Ruddy duck! Ruddy!

Yeah, I can work with that. Yeah.

Okay, Griffin. We're interested.

Definitely. But we need to talk turkey.

$200 for the entire day is a little rich for our blood.

We will do $100.

Or we walk.

Final offer, Jack.

Um, sorry, it's $200 for the day.

My boss said that's the price.

Then we walk.

Okay.

I, uh, actually haven't started carving yet

because the light is all wrong.

So, you know, light is colour,

and colour is like, the creative conduit

towards all things creative, so...

I just figure that with these fresh curtains,

it just makes the space more fecund

for the consummation of ideas, see?

Like, look at that. Already.

I mean, obviously.

Let me just put it like that a bit.

(laughing)

Oh man, it's so basic.

I've been a fan for years, but now I'm going for it.

Swimming with the sharks.

Don't you mean "swimming with the ducks," no?

That's not even a phrase, babe.

I know that.

You carve a duck, eh? You carve a duck.

And that can never be taken away from you.

The knowledge, that is.

I mean, somebody can steal the duck.

Oh, better get it insured, hm?

From all those duck burglars.

Yes! Exactly my point. Lloyd's of London, maybe.

Hah-hah. Great idea, honey.

Why did my dad only carve loons?

He loved them.

Shit, he'd ride in a canoe at dusk just to watch them

all by himself.

I asked him about it one time, and he said

"Rhett, they go down in that dark water, disappear.

"They always come back up."

He loved their call, too.

I haven't heard once since I was a kid.

Shit. I screwed that up.

Nah, it's okay. It's just wood.

Sand away the mistakes.

Nothing is ever unfixable.

Waves of inspiration

wash over us constantly.

Are we quiet enough to listen?

(screaming)

♪

Dude, are you ready?

To paint? God, no. Still got a ton of work to do on the body.

- No, to go out! - We're going out?

- Yes. - Where?

Donald, it's Saturday night!

And I said on Monday that I wanted to go to that new bar.

Donald: You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.

Yep, we're going out.

You're not gonna change?

What's wrong with this?

Fine, Griffin. You win.

Hi, Griffin, it's Barb. We'll take it.

Barb. The woman who you showed the venue to today.

Uh, the venue where you work, Griffin.

I appreciate that you're gaming right now,

but we really need to secure our venue.

Yes, $200. We-- we can live with that.

Well, thank you very much.

It will be a pleasure doing business with you, I'm sure.

Oh, okay, goodbye, Griff-- well, there, he's gone.

(sighing)

We did it. We did it!

- (screaming) - Dennis!

I'm gonna get the cranberry.

Oh my goodness. Oh my stars! Okay.

Let's get that off the list, pronto.

♪

Oh my gosh, it feels really good to get out

and just unwind, and...

This is pretty wonderful. Cheers.

Do you think this is biscuit joint?

I don't know.

At the seam here. It's probably biscuit joint, right?

Definitely biscuit joint.

Can you imagine clamping this puppy?

Quite the job.

Look at the round-over on the edge here.

Some quality stuff.

What do you think they use for it, a router?

Router? I just met her.

(laughing)

Donald: Oh God. That's good.

That never gets old, does it?

Rhett: Nope.

♪ I just want a call ♪

♪ Call ♪

♪ Call ♪

♪ You don't know me at all ♪

♪ At all ♪

♪ Any more ♪

♪ What can I say ♪

♪ I was a baby, baby ♪

♪ Why can't we stay ♪

♪ Why can't we find that good place again ♪