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[ Birds chirping ]
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[ Alarm beeps ]
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♪♪
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[ Snores ]
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♪♪
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[ Water running ]
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♪♪
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♪♪
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[ Device buzzing ]
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♪♪
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[ Blow dryer whirring ]
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[ Snores ]
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[ Alarm rings ]
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♪♪
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♪♪
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[ Alarm rings ]
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♪♪
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00:01:01,848 --> 00:01:07,641
♪♪
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♪♪
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00:01:13,503 --> 00:01:16,434
Matt,
looking dapper today.
21
00:01:16,538 --> 00:01:18,917
Kate, you okay?
You look tired.
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[ Elevator bell dings ]
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
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Americans are obese, drunk,
and addicted to pills.
27
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Everyone is hooked on something.
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00:01:48,158 --> 00:01:50,400
Addiction in this country
is an epidemic.
29
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And it is fantastic
for business.
30
00:01:54,676 --> 00:01:57,641
90 percent of shopping
is done by shopaholics.
31
00:01:57,745 --> 00:02:00,538
90 percent of chocolate
is consumed by chocoholics.
32
00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:02,365
90 percent of alcohol
is consumed
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00:02:02,469 --> 00:02:04,607
by people addicted to alcohol.
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00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,365
That's why I'm announcing
an open call
35
00:02:06,469 --> 00:02:09,641
for pitches on new addictions.
36
00:02:09,745 --> 00:02:12,296
So, let's put on
our thinking caps.
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00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,193
Kate: All right, let's open
the room to addiction.
38
00:02:15,296 --> 00:02:17,021
Matt, that's gross.
39
00:02:17,124 --> 00:02:19,296
There's no reason to have
a visible pimple as an adult.
40
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,365
Use some concealer
for Christ's sake.
41
00:02:21,469 --> 00:02:22,400
I don't wear makeup.
42
00:02:22,503 --> 00:02:24,055
Well,
then you're an idiot.
43
00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:25,986
-Wait, do you wear makeup?
-Of course.
44
00:02:26,089 --> 00:02:27,779
Hot people do better
at business.
45
00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:29,055
I've never noticed.
46
00:02:29,158 --> 00:02:30,296
That's because
I'm a master of the craft
47
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,986
and you're blinded
by my beauty.
48
00:02:32,089 --> 00:02:34,227
You look good.
I've always thought that.
49
00:02:34,331 --> 00:02:35,607
Painkillers can be good.
50
00:02:35,710 --> 00:02:37,089
Do you have any specific
painkillers that you prefer?
51
00:02:37,193 --> 00:02:38,434
Kate:
Have you used Fentanyl?
52
00:02:38,538 --> 00:02:40,089
I don't know
what the names are.
53
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,365
I just --
I know the colors.
54
00:02:41,469 --> 00:02:42,779
Do you think
you could be convinced
55
00:02:42,883 --> 00:02:43,779
to start
wearing makeup?
56
00:02:43,883 --> 00:02:45,434
[ Scoffs ]
No way.
57
00:02:45,538 --> 00:02:47,124
Because you're insecure
about your masculinity.
58
00:02:47,227 --> 00:02:48,848
I'm not insecure
about my masculinity.
59
00:02:48,952 --> 00:02:51,848
I just don't think anybody
should wear makeup personally.
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00:02:51,952 --> 00:02:53,089
Not even women.
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00:02:53,193 --> 00:02:54,469
If women liked
the way they look,
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00:02:54,572 --> 00:02:56,779
the entire American economy
would collapse.
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00:02:56,883 --> 00:02:58,641
The fact that Hampton DeVille
isn't capitalizing
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00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,572
on men's shame
is a huge mistake.
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00:03:00,676 --> 00:03:04,089
Kate and I will be pre-screening
the pitches on Wednesday
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00:03:04,193 --> 00:03:05,538
in the Oasis
conference room --
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00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:07,641
The Oasis is too small.
Let's do the Driskoll.
68
00:03:07,745 --> 00:03:11,503
But I already booked
the Oasis room.
Who cares?
69
00:03:11,607 --> 00:03:14,262
It takes one e-mail
to change the reservation.
70
00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:17,779
We'll see everyone
Wednesday in the Driskoll.
71
00:03:17,883 --> 00:03:20,434
Oh, damn it,
I'm late for my ZenCycle class.
72
00:03:20,538 --> 00:03:21,745
If I'm not screamed at
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00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:23,331
by a tiny woman
at least once a day,
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00:03:23,434 --> 00:03:24,986
I simply cannot function.
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00:03:25,089 --> 00:03:26,331
[ Indistinct conversations ]
76
00:03:26,434 --> 00:03:29,469
Kate, I understand
you're tired today,
77
00:03:29,572 --> 00:03:32,848
but you should
really watch your tone.
78
00:03:34,262 --> 00:03:35,227
My tone?
79
00:03:35,331 --> 00:03:36,641
You have a sharp,
cutting tone
80
00:03:36,745 --> 00:03:39,331
that marginalizes
and diminishes people.
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00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,331
Is this about
the Oasis room?
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00:03:41,434 --> 00:03:42,710
Don't be so sensitive.
83
00:03:42,814 --> 00:03:45,227
Ooh, do you hear
your tone right now?
84
00:03:45,331 --> 00:03:46,434
You might not.
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00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:48,676
It's combative.
It's aggressive.
86
00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:50,400
And honestly,
if I didn't know you,
87
00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:53,779
I'd feel physically
unsafe right now.
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00:03:53,883 --> 00:03:55,745
Whereas my tone is calm
89
00:03:55,848 --> 00:03:57,814
because I'm in control
of my emotions,
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00:03:57,917 --> 00:04:03,572
and I will never,
ever let them loose.
91
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,021
You have a vein popping out
of your forehead.
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00:04:06,124 --> 00:04:08,641
I'm telling you all this
for your benefit, Kate.
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♪♪
94
00:04:15,986 --> 00:04:17,814
-What?
-Nothing.
95
00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:21,710
It's just, um, you don't
wear makeup, do you?
96
00:04:21,814 --> 00:04:24,193
Every evening,
I destroy my face,
97
00:04:24,296 --> 00:04:27,021
and every morning,
I rebuilt it anew.
98
00:04:27,124 --> 00:04:29,883
Really? I always thought
you were a natural beauty.
99
00:04:29,986 --> 00:04:32,227
Doesn't matter what
Mother Nature gives you --
100
00:04:32,331 --> 00:04:34,089
all women are taught
at a young age
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00:04:34,193 --> 00:04:35,641
to hate
the way they look.
102
00:04:35,745 --> 00:04:37,641
Paige, you don't
wear makeup, do you?
103
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:38,883
[ Scoffs ]
104
00:04:38,986 --> 00:04:40,952
Why don't you ask
the 200,000 makeup addicts
105
00:04:41,055 --> 00:04:42,503
who watch
my makeup tutorials?
106
00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:45,952
Only men can get away with
looking like shit every day.
107
00:04:46,055 --> 00:04:48,193
You think I look
like shit?
108
00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:50,676
You have...
flaws.
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What are they?
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00:04:52,331 --> 00:04:54,710
♪♪
111
00:04:54,814 --> 00:04:57,331
Matt,
you have to understand,
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00:04:57,434 --> 00:05:00,676
if we tell you,
there's no going back.
113
00:05:01,607 --> 00:05:04,779
Pick the azure eyeliner,
and the conversation ends here.
114
00:05:04,883 --> 00:05:08,503
You wake up in your bed
and believe you're beautiful.
115
00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:10,952
Pick this scarlet lip liner,
and we'll show you
116
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how deep the rabbit hole
of insecurity goes.
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00:05:14,296 --> 00:05:21,469
♪♪
118
00:05:23,296 --> 00:05:25,503
Your pores are visible
from four feet away.Your skin is both oily
and flaky.
119
00:05:25,607 --> 00:05:27,434
I don't understand
how that's possible.
120
00:05:27,538 --> 00:05:29,331
You remind me of the Green Giant
from the green bean can.Your face has a dull,
121
00:05:29,434 --> 00:05:31,089
dingy yellow
undertone to it --The bags underneath your eyes
122
00:05:31,193 --> 00:05:32,572
are like deflated basketballs...
123
00:05:32,676 --> 00:05:34,814
-The beard's not...
-...like, inbred or something.
124
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,607
Men are ugly.
125
00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:38,365
They just don't know it yet.
126
00:05:38,469 --> 00:05:41,158
You, sir, did you know
that you're ugly?
127
00:05:41,262 --> 00:05:42,503
Well, it's true.
128
00:05:42,607 --> 00:05:45,262
But I've got a cure
for your ugly face --
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00:05:45,365 --> 00:05:46,814
male makeup.
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00:05:46,917 --> 00:05:49,814
Matt: Jake,
will you help me?
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I need help.
132
00:05:52,676 --> 00:05:54,572
I knew this day
would come.
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00:05:54,676 --> 00:05:56,572
Come here, boy.[ Cries softly ]
134
00:05:57,779 --> 00:06:00,745
You look so bad, bro.
I'll fix you up good.
135
00:06:03,089 --> 00:06:06,262
I want to tell you a story
about my grandfather.
136
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,986
My grandfather was never
a beautiful man.
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00:06:09,089 --> 00:06:11,262
He always struggled
with his looks.
138
00:06:11,365 --> 00:06:14,883
But then, one day, I saw him
at his most handsome --
139
00:06:14,986 --> 00:06:18,676
in a casket,
covered in makeup.
140
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:22,572
The beauty industry
pulls in $430 billion
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00:06:22,676 --> 00:06:24,952
in sales every single year.
142
00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:26,814
Who are these sales to?
143
00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:28,331
Women.
144
00:06:28,434 --> 00:06:32,262
By my estimation, women are
only half the human population.
145
00:06:32,365 --> 00:06:34,227
The other half?
146
00:06:34,331 --> 00:06:36,572
Men.
Guys.
147
00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:39,055
Fellas.
Daddy-Os.
148
00:06:39,158 --> 00:06:42,055
Let's take a look at Matt.
149
00:06:42,158 --> 00:06:44,848
Matt used to think
he was a natural beauty.
150
00:06:44,952 --> 00:06:47,538
Until this past week,
no one had ever thought
151
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:51,538
to tell him that he is,
in fact, an uggo.
152
00:06:51,641 --> 00:06:53,986
However,
with the power of makeup,
153
00:06:54,089 --> 00:06:57,227
I have managed
to transform this pauper...
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00:06:57,331 --> 00:06:58,469
into a prince.
155
00:06:58,572 --> 00:07:00,227
[ Executives gasp ]
156
00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:01,883
[ Chuckles ]
157
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:05,055
Makeup has given him
a newfound confidence.
158
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:08,021
We have forgiven
his many intellectual
159
00:07:08,124 --> 00:07:09,124
and personal failings
160
00:07:09,227 --> 00:07:13,021
because, quite simply,
he looks stunning.
161
00:07:13,124 --> 00:07:16,021
I believe that
with a little convincing,
162
00:07:16,124 --> 00:07:19,124
we could not only get men
to start wearing makeup,
163
00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:22,055
we could get them addicted
164
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:27,641
and change the face of
the beauty industry forever.
165
00:07:27,745 --> 00:07:29,021
[ Cheers and applause ]
166
00:07:29,124 --> 00:07:31,469
Great stuff.Hot dog!
167
00:07:31,572 --> 00:07:34,745
[ Laughs ]
168
00:07:38,503 --> 00:07:40,158
I think we're all
in agreement here
169
00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:41,296
that the stand-out pitch
170
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,607
was Jake's Male Makeup idea,
171
00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:45,089
the first good idea
he's had
172
00:07:45,193 --> 00:07:46,365
maybe ever?
Right.
173
00:07:46,469 --> 00:07:47,917
I think we should
all work together
174
00:07:48,021 --> 00:07:48,883
to develop this idea.
175
00:07:48,986 --> 00:07:50,331
Well, I think Christian
will want
176
00:07:50,434 --> 00:07:51,986
more than one idea
to choose from,
177
00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:54,227
so how 'bout I lead
the male makeup team --
178
00:07:54,331 --> 00:07:56,193
after all, I am a male --
179
00:07:56,296 --> 00:08:00,503
and you can take your pick
of the other great ideas?
180
00:08:00,607 --> 00:08:02,779
But seeing as
I'm the only one here
181
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:06,124
who actually wears
makeup every single day --
182
00:08:06,227 --> 00:08:08,779
You wear makeup?
Huh.
183
00:08:08,883 --> 00:08:11,262
I always thought you were
a natural beauty.
184
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:12,710
Guess not.
185
00:08:12,814 --> 00:08:15,262
My point is, I think
I'm more equipped
186
00:08:15,365 --> 00:08:16,814
to lead
the male makeup team.
187
00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:18,434
You think I don't know
about makeup?
Mnh-mnh.
188
00:08:18,538 --> 00:08:20,365
I bet I know
just as much as you do.
189
00:08:20,469 --> 00:08:22,917
-Let's find out.
-Let's.
190
00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:27,848
How much does this
lipstick cost?
191
00:08:27,952 --> 00:08:29,779
Okay. [ Clears throat ]
What do we got here?
192
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:33,331
This looks small,
so really cheap plastic.
193
00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:34,814
[ Sniffs ]
Smells domestic
194
00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:37,124
as opposed
to European imported.
195
00:08:37,227 --> 00:08:40,434
So, I want to say,
89 cents.
196
00:08:40,538 --> 00:08:43,745
No!
79 cents.
197
00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:45,434
$60!
198
00:08:45,538 --> 00:08:47,848
-What?
-Jesus Christ!
199
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:52,434
You clearly know
nothing about makeup.
200
00:08:52,538 --> 00:08:54,400
Kate, I didn't want to have
to call this out
201
00:08:54,503 --> 00:08:57,055
in front of everyone,
but...
202
00:08:57,158 --> 00:08:58,572
there's that tone
again!
203
00:08:58,676 --> 00:08:59,814
There's nothing
204
00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:02,572
wrong with my tone.Let's find out.
205
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,779
Who here has ever felt
silenced or diminished
206
00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:08,676
by Kate's harsh,
knifey tone?
207
00:09:10,538 --> 00:09:13,021
Oh.
Every last one.
208
00:09:15,814 --> 00:09:16,952
Fine.
209
00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:19,400
You take
the male makeup team...Okay.
210
00:09:19,503 --> 00:09:23,193
...and I'll take...
nicotine toothpaste.
211
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,607
Good one.
Great.
212
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:27,400
So, who wants to be
on the male makeup team?
213
00:09:27,503 --> 00:09:29,710
Oh.
All of 'em again.
214
00:09:30,814 --> 00:09:34,021
Grace, I'd like to file
a complaint against John.
215
00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:36,538
He just filed
a complaint against you.
216
00:09:36,641 --> 00:09:39,434
Really?
About what?
217
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,021
Your aggressive tone.
218
00:09:41,124 --> 00:09:42,434
That little bitch.
219
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:43,814
Don't take it
personally.
220
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,227
Men have been complaining
about women's tones
221
00:09:46,331 --> 00:09:50,676
ever since women started working
at Hampton DeVille in 1993.
222
00:09:50,779 --> 00:09:53,848
Have other men complained
about my tone?
223
00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:56,124
A few...
224
00:09:56,227 --> 00:09:57,952
dozen...
225
00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,331
hundred.
226
00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:02,158
A few dozen hundred?
227
00:10:02,262 --> 00:10:03,538
Let me see what they said.
228
00:10:03,641 --> 00:10:06,434
Kate, if I let you read
what your male co-workers
229
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:10,296
have said about you,
there is no going back.
230
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,779
[ Thunder rumbles ]
231
00:10:11,883 --> 00:10:14,676
If you pick the blue pen,
you'll wake up --
232
00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:17,124
Just show it to me!
[ Sighs ]
233
00:10:17,227 --> 00:10:19,158
-Her tone was too harsh...
-Feel emasculated...
234
00:10:19,262 --> 00:10:21,089
-It was the way she said it...
-She's taller than me...
235
00:10:21,193 --> 00:10:22,538
-Cuts like a dagger...
-Knifey...
236
00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:23,883
-Like a sword...
-Piercing...
237
00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:25,365
-Like a knife-hatchet...
-Knife-blade...
238
00:10:25,469 --> 00:10:26,814
Thank you.
239
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,434
It's always so cold
in this building.
240
00:10:29,538 --> 00:10:33,089
The temperature in offices is
set to accommodate men in suits
241
00:10:33,193 --> 00:10:35,676
who get to keep
the hair on their bodies.
242
00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:39,400
But luckily, I have developed
ways of adapting.
243
00:10:39,503 --> 00:10:41,986
It is always shocking
to be reminded
244
00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:45,055
how pathetically sensitive
the men in this office are.
245
00:10:45,158 --> 00:10:48,227
That's why I've compiled
a list of the best tones
246
00:10:48,331 --> 00:10:50,434
to use for men in the office.
247
00:10:50,538 --> 00:10:52,745
I could teach you,
and, in exchange,
248
00:10:52,848 --> 00:10:55,331
maybe you could pull
some strings with the guy
249
00:10:55,434 --> 00:10:57,262
who controls
the AC around here.
250
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,745
Deal.
251
00:10:58,848 --> 00:11:01,952
The most popular tone
among men in the office
252
00:11:02,055 --> 00:11:06,124
is one I like to call
"Horny Toddler."
253
00:11:06,227 --> 00:11:14,089
♪♪
254
00:11:14,193 --> 00:11:16,917
We are going to manipulate
male insecurity
255
00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:18,503
through a propaganda campaign.
256
00:11:18,607 --> 00:11:20,986
We'll target entertainment
for boys as young as possible
257
00:11:21,089 --> 00:11:22,641
so they'll be hooked for life.
258
00:11:22,745 --> 00:11:25,158
If little boys don't feel
like unlovable garbage,
259
00:11:25,262 --> 00:11:27,089
we haven't done our jobs!
260
00:11:27,193 --> 00:11:28,641
Try Shy Ghost.
261
00:11:28,745 --> 00:11:30,779
[ Breathy voice ] I hope
it's not totally weird
262
00:11:30,883 --> 00:11:32,055
that I'm saying this,
263
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,055
but you look
really good today.
264
00:11:34,158 --> 00:11:37,503
Remember, tone isn't just
about the pitch of your voice.
265
00:11:37,607 --> 00:11:40,917
Make sure to start and end
every sentence with an apology.
266
00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:43,262
[ Normal voice ] I'm sorry.Perfect.
267
00:11:43,365 --> 00:11:44,848
Hi, guys.
It's Paige.
268
00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:47,779
And there are two types
of people in this world --
269
00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:49,503
those who know
how to contour,
270
00:11:49,607 --> 00:11:52,158
and those who are abandoned
by everyone that they love.
271
00:11:52,262 --> 00:11:54,883
Jake: We want to create
a culture of shame.
272
00:11:54,986 --> 00:11:57,779
So, what are some things
you feel ashamed of?
273
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,572
-Redness. A lot of redness.
-My son.
274
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,883
Let's stick to physical
attributes for now.
275
00:12:02,986 --> 00:12:05,745
All right,
my son's weak arms.
276
00:12:06,572 --> 00:12:08,124
Okay.
277
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,538
[ Breathes sharply ]
278
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,538
Hey, Matt, I'm sorry,
279
00:12:11,641 --> 00:12:14,676
but you look, like,
so super good today.
280
00:12:14,779 --> 00:12:15,952
[ Chuckling ]
I'm sorry.
281
00:12:16,055 --> 00:12:18,503
Thanks, Kate.
I really appreciate that.
282
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,883
And I'm sorry,
but would you be willing
283
00:12:20,986 --> 00:12:23,089
to maybe
work late tonight?
284
00:12:23,193 --> 00:12:24,883
Yeah, of course.
I'd love to help out.
285
00:12:24,986 --> 00:12:27,227
You look like you could
use the break anyway.
286
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,952
Jake: We need to normalize
makeup for men
287
00:12:29,055 --> 00:12:31,745
by associating it
with things men already like.
288
00:12:31,848 --> 00:12:33,745
So, what do men like?
289
00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:35,158
-World War II?
-Yep.
290
00:12:35,262 --> 00:12:36,676
-Sex.
-Yeah.
291
00:12:36,779 --> 00:12:39,193
-Football.
-Exotic jungle birds.
292
00:12:39,296 --> 00:12:40,883
Okay, what else?
293
00:12:40,986 --> 00:12:43,400
Keeping secrets
from my fucking wife!
294
00:12:43,503 --> 00:12:46,434
Jake, it's
"exotic jungle" birds.
295
00:12:46,538 --> 00:12:49,055
♪♪
296
00:12:49,158 --> 00:12:51,607
Jessica: Hey, Matt,
nice contouring.
297
00:12:51,710 --> 00:12:53,124
Thanks, Jessica.
298
00:12:53,227 --> 00:12:55,434
Have you thought about doing
something with your lashes?
299
00:12:55,538 --> 00:12:57,917
-Yeah.
-Be really cute.
300
00:12:58,021 --> 00:13:05,848
♪♪
301
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,227
Dying ballerina!
302
00:13:07,331 --> 00:13:10,124
[ Weakly ] Sorry, I'm like,
so totally sorry.
303
00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:11,641
Anthropomorphized
sparrow!
304
00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:13,055
[ Squeaky voice ]
I'm sure you have, like,
305
00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:14,434
a million different things
to do than talk to me today,
306
00:13:14,538 --> 00:13:16,262
but [ Normal voice ]
a lot of women in the office
307
00:13:16,365 --> 00:13:18,227
have been talking about
how it's, like, too cold.
308
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,089
So, I was wondering
if you could do me, like,
309
00:13:21,193 --> 00:13:25,089
a tiny, huge favor and maybe
make it a little bit warmer.
310
00:13:25,193 --> 00:13:26,262
Sorry.
311
00:13:26,365 --> 00:13:31,986
♪♪
312
00:13:33,227 --> 00:13:35,227
Announcer:
Whether it's mid-game,
313
00:13:35,262 --> 00:13:37,434
mid-east, or mid-ages...
314
00:13:37,538 --> 00:13:38,917
[ Gun cocks, gunshots ]
315
00:13:39,021 --> 00:13:42,021
[ Cat yowls ]...you need to bring your armor.
316
00:13:42,124 --> 00:13:46,158
Whatever your battlefield,
we've got your back...
317
00:13:46,262 --> 00:13:47,814
and your front.
318
00:13:47,917 --> 00:13:51,296
R-More -- wear it proud.
319
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,227
[ Gunshot ]
320
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:55,296
Jake: We want to get
your honest feedback.
321
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,814
Would you try R-More?
322
00:13:59,331 --> 00:14:00,814
Well, I...
323
00:14:00,917 --> 00:14:04,400
I have always hated these
dark circles under my eyes.
324
00:14:04,503 --> 00:14:05,469
Could R-More
help me with that?
325
00:14:05,572 --> 00:14:07,193
-Definitely.
-Absolutely.
326
00:14:07,296 --> 00:14:08,917
I've been trying to get
a promotion at work.
327
00:14:09,021 --> 00:14:10,848
Maybe this could
give me a leg up.
328
00:14:10,952 --> 00:14:12,331
Maybe so.
And good luck.
329
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,503
Chad: I use Chap Stick,
330
00:14:13,607 --> 00:14:15,745
so sort of like
the same thing.
331
00:14:15,848 --> 00:14:17,331
So, Chap Stick.
332
00:14:17,434 --> 00:14:20,331
But isn't makeup for girls?
333
00:14:22,641 --> 00:14:24,434
Yeah, but that's only
because society
334
00:14:24,538 --> 00:14:26,365
has programmed us
to think that.
335
00:14:26,469 --> 00:14:27,572
But if I wear makeup,
336
00:14:27,676 --> 00:14:30,055
people will think
I'm, like, a girl.
337
00:14:30,158 --> 00:14:32,538
Excellent point. We should have
thought about that.
338
00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,331
I'm a boy.
339
00:14:34,434 --> 00:14:35,986
On second thought,
maybe I wouldn't try it.
340
00:14:36,089 --> 00:14:37,710
Yeah, actually,
I think women like
341
00:14:37,814 --> 00:14:39,710
these dark circles
under my eyes, so...
342
00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:41,641
I'm gonna stop
using Chap Stick.
343
00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:43,434
-Mm-hmm.
-Me, too. I hate Chap Stick.
344
00:14:43,538 --> 00:14:45,193
Well,
that was a disaster!
345
00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:47,089
There's only one man
who should wear makeup,
346
00:14:47,193 --> 00:14:49,193
and that is Christopher,
the sweet Goth teen
347
00:14:49,296 --> 00:14:51,055
who gives me pretzel samples
at the mall!
348
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,021
Those guys wanted
to wear makeup until you let
349
00:14:53,124 --> 00:14:55,607
the whole conversation
be swayed by one insecure guy!
350
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:58,124
Jake, watch your tone!
351
00:14:58,227 --> 00:14:59,848
[ Sighs ]
352
00:14:59,952 --> 00:15:01,710
[ Telephone rings ]
353
00:15:01,814 --> 00:15:03,089
[ Gasps ]
Hey, John!
354
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:04,745
You look, like,
super good today.
355
00:15:04,848 --> 00:15:08,055
Thanks, Kate.
Oh. You know what, Kate?
356
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:11,917
Um,
I owe you an apology.
357
00:15:12,021 --> 00:15:13,848
Yeah, you were right.
358
00:15:13,952 --> 00:15:15,262
You know more
about makeup than me.
359
00:15:15,365 --> 00:15:18,331
[ Chuckles ]
And to make it up to you,
360
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:21,917
how would you like to take
over the male makeup project?
361
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,814
Oh, my God!
[ Gasps ]
362
00:15:24,917 --> 00:15:26,641
John,
you're, like, the best.
363
00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:27,917
I know it.
I know.
364
00:15:28,021 --> 00:15:30,193
I'm sorry.No, it's okay.
365
00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:34,021
♪♪
366
00:15:34,124 --> 00:15:35,779
I would fuck every character
on "Society of Tomorrow."
367
00:15:35,883 --> 00:15:37,089
-Yeah, same here!
-Mm-hmm!
368
00:15:37,193 --> 00:15:38,779
It's like
they make them so hot.
369
00:15:38,883 --> 00:15:40,986
-So hot.
-Yeah.
370
00:15:42,193 --> 00:15:44,227
Notice anything different
about me?
371
00:15:44,331 --> 00:15:45,779
Not really.
372
00:15:45,883 --> 00:15:47,676
My lashes?
373
00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,331
They're a little clumpy.
374
00:15:50,434 --> 00:15:52,227
I guess I'm used to you
with makeup now.
375
00:15:52,331 --> 00:15:54,434
There's no going back!
[ Laughs ]
376
00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:56,710
I mean, it's like
they oversexualize everybody.
377
00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:58,434
-I love it!
-I do love it.
378
00:15:58,538 --> 00:16:00,710
That bald little bitch!
379
00:16:00,814 --> 00:16:02,365
Whoa, Kate,
take it easy.
380
00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:05,434
No, I've been talking like
a fucking toddler all week!
381
00:16:05,538 --> 00:16:07,262
No wonder he wanted me
to take over male makeup.
382
00:16:07,365 --> 00:16:09,572
These focus-group results
are terrible.
383
00:16:09,676 --> 00:16:11,124
I still believe
in this idea.
384
00:16:11,227 --> 00:16:12,469
We just need
a new angle.
385
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,365
Your mistake is you've
been underestimating
386
00:16:15,469 --> 00:16:17,848
how insecure men are.[ Bird cries ]
387
00:16:17,952 --> 00:16:22,227
It's the same mistake
I've made my entire life.
388
00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:24,055
[ Bird cries ]
389
00:16:24,158 --> 00:16:26,124
♪♪
390
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:27,641
Shh.
391
00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:29,986
[ Alarm rings ]
392
00:16:33,572 --> 00:16:35,607
[ Birds chirping ]
393
00:16:37,848 --> 00:16:40,055
[ Engine revs ]
394
00:16:42,193 --> 00:16:43,124
Shit!
395
00:16:43,227 --> 00:16:48,227
♪♪
396
00:16:48,331 --> 00:16:53,400
♪♪
397
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,883
♪♪
398
00:16:57,986 --> 00:16:59,227
[ Door closes ]
399
00:16:59,331 --> 00:17:01,262
[ Elevator bell dings ]Hold the elevator.
400
00:17:02,572 --> 00:17:04,883
Whew.Matt, you okay?
401
00:17:04,986 --> 00:17:07,055
[ Elevator bell dings ]You look tired.
402
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:14,469
♪♪
403
00:17:14,572 --> 00:17:21,021
My makeup!
404
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,952
or a date.
405
00:17:23,055 --> 00:17:25,676
He looks good,
406
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:29,503
and he looks
like he doesn't care.
407
00:17:29,607 --> 00:17:32,710
He's everything
a man should be
408
00:17:32,814 --> 00:17:37,400
plus a little more.
409
00:17:37,503 --> 00:17:40,365
How does he do it?
410
00:17:40,469 --> 00:17:43,124
♪ Baby
411
00:17:43,227 --> 00:17:46,124
♪♪
412
00:17:46,227 --> 00:17:47,469
♪ Baby
413
00:17:47,572 --> 00:17:49,503
It's my little secret.
414
00:17:49,607 --> 00:17:51,469
Announcer:
No one has to know...
415
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,779
Shh.♪ Baby♪
416
00:17:53,883 --> 00:17:55,641
Thanks for coming back in.
417
00:17:55,745 --> 00:17:57,986
We'd love your thoughts
on My Little Secret,
418
00:17:58,089 --> 00:18:00,745
but this time, we're doing
an anonymous survey.
419
00:18:00,848 --> 00:18:03,676
You do not have
to write your name,
420
00:18:03,779 --> 00:18:07,572
and no other man will ever
know what you wrote.
421
00:18:07,676 --> 00:18:10,469
♪ Baby
422
00:18:10,572 --> 00:18:12,883
Shh.
423
00:18:12,986 --> 00:18:17,021
♪♪
424
00:18:17,124 --> 00:18:19,158
Grace?
425
00:18:19,262 --> 00:18:21,089
[ Drawer opens ]
426
00:18:21,193 --> 00:18:23,745
Come on.
Daddy-O needs his makeup.
427
00:18:23,848 --> 00:18:27,124
[ Gasps ]
Yes.
428
00:18:28,296 --> 00:18:29,745
Well, well, well.
429
00:18:29,848 --> 00:18:31,641
If it isn't
a dirty raccoon
430
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:35,710
caught rifling through
some nasty garbage.
431
00:18:36,055 --> 00:18:38,952
I'm sorry I rummaged
through your stuff, Grace.
432
00:18:39,055 --> 00:18:41,124
It's just
really exhausting
433
00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:43,055
to have to look my best
every day.
434
00:18:43,158 --> 00:18:46,021
You can stop wearing makeup
any time you want.
435
00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:47,952
But then
I'll look like shit.
436
00:18:48,055 --> 00:18:50,779
Yeah, but then people will get
used to you looking like shit,
437
00:18:50,883 --> 00:18:53,814
and then nobody will care
because you're a guy.
438
00:18:53,917 --> 00:18:55,917
So what you're saying is
there's a double standard?
439
00:18:56,021 --> 00:18:57,124
Exactly.
440
00:18:57,227 --> 00:18:59,572
Between people like me,
who are natural beauties,
441
00:18:59,676 --> 00:19:02,262
and people like you
who aren't.
442
00:19:02,365 --> 00:19:03,503
Ah.
443
00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:05,124
You're prettier
when you don't talk.
444
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,745
Well, then I'd better
keep my mouth shut
445
00:19:06,848 --> 00:19:09,055
because I want to go
to the ball.
446
00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:12,848
[ Indistinct conversations ]
447
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,365
Jake,
are you nervous?
448
00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:16,641
Well, this is
my first time
449
00:19:16,745 --> 00:19:18,469
presenting directly
to Christian.
450
00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:20,676
Look at me.
451
00:19:20,779 --> 00:19:23,227
There is nothing
to worry about.
452
00:19:23,331 --> 00:19:27,227
The focus group results
were off the charts.
453
00:19:27,331 --> 00:19:29,710
This is a slam dunk.
454
00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:31,745
But fix your blush.
455
00:19:31,848 --> 00:19:33,469
Your face is too wide.
456
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,538
You should know that.
457
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,952
Oh, you're right.
458
00:19:38,055 --> 00:19:40,572
Okay.
Let's see what you've got.
459
00:19:40,676 --> 00:19:42,021
[ Breathes sharply ]
460
00:19:42,124 --> 00:19:45,676
We all know
men are insecure.
461
00:19:45,779 --> 00:19:48,021
But they're too insecure --
462
00:19:48,124 --> 00:19:51,089
I'm going to stop you
right there.
463
00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:55,400
[ Sighs ]
Men are not insecure.
464
00:19:59,124 --> 00:20:01,055
[ Sighs ]
465
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,089
John: I agree.
466
00:20:02,193 --> 00:20:04,745
Men are definitely
not insecure.
467
00:20:04,848 --> 00:20:06,883
Great note, Christian.
-Thank you, John.
468
00:20:06,986 --> 00:20:08,469
So, uh, what's the next idea?
469
00:20:08,572 --> 00:20:10,641
[ Pops lips ]
470
00:20:10,745 --> 00:20:12,227
♪♪
471
00:20:12,331 --> 00:20:15,848
We all know brushing your teeth
is a healthy habit.
472
00:20:15,952 --> 00:20:17,814
Well, my idea asks,
473
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:22,021
"What if it were
an uncontrollable addiction?"
474
00:20:22,124 --> 00:20:25,676
Introducing
Nicotine Toothpaste.
475
00:20:25,779 --> 00:20:29,227
We'll have people brushing
20 times a day.
476
00:20:29,331 --> 00:20:30,952
Christian: Hmm.
477
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:35,503
Well, it's, uh,
not the most original idea.
478
00:20:35,607 --> 00:20:37,538
But...
479
00:20:37,641 --> 00:20:40,641
original ideas are rarely good.
480
00:20:40,745 --> 00:20:42,021
Okay, let's do it.
481
00:20:42,124 --> 00:20:43,848
Nice work, John.
-Thank you.
482
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,676
[ Sighs ] Say, is anyone else
hot in here?
483
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,710
Oh, definitely.
484
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,021
Kate, why don't you see
about turning up the AC?
485
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,193
Yes, sir.
486
00:20:52,296 --> 00:20:54,607
I'm off to another
ZenCycle class.
487
00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,158
I simply cannot get enough.
488
00:20:56,262 --> 00:20:57,538
[ Laughs ]
489
00:20:57,641 --> 00:21:00,262
[ Indistinct conversations ]
490
00:21:05,538 --> 00:21:08,331
[ Birds chirping ]
491
00:21:09,952 --> 00:21:12,503
I actually have an addiction
I've never really talked about.
492
00:21:12,607 --> 00:21:14,365
Uh, I'm addicted
to eating earplugs.
493
00:21:14,469 --> 00:21:16,124
-Fascinating.
-It's weird, but you remember
494
00:21:16,227 --> 00:21:17,641
that woman who ate
her own couch?
495
00:21:17,745 --> 00:21:18,745
-Yes, we do.
-Start to finish?
496
00:21:18,848 --> 00:21:19,883
Well, it's a similar
kind of thing,
497
00:21:19,986 --> 00:21:21,607
but with silicone
earplugs.
498
00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:22,917
Cotton will not do it
for me.
499
00:21:23,021 --> 00:21:24,227
Has to be silicone?Got to be silicone.
35213
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