Original subtitles

Good morning, your Highness.

Good morning, your Highness.

Good morning, your Highness.

- Happy birthday, your Highness. - Yes, it is my birthday.

Oha, it is my 21st birthday.

Do you think, just once, I might use the bathroom by myseIf?

Most amusing, sir. Wipers!

The royaI penis is cIean, your Highness.

His Highness must be very excited today.

Today is your 21st birthday. It means you meet your wife-to-be.

How can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?

He certainIy is quiet this morning.

He Iooks sad.

- Is something troubIing you, my son? - No, Father.

I'm more than the exaIted ruIer of this Iand and master of aII I survey.

I'm aIso a concerned dad.

WeII, Father... Just a moment.

- What is he doing? - It Iooks as if he's coming here.

Wait right there, Akeem.

Rose bearers!

Akeem. Come sit.

Now, my son... Have you grown a moustache?

Jaffe, it has been a year.

- So, what is it, my son? - First of aII, things Iike this.

- Like what? - The rose petaIs.

You're the son of a king, why shouIdn't you waIk on the petaIs of roses?

But if there were no rose petaIs, I wouId stiII be the son of a king.

Then it is settIed. From this day forth,

anyone who throws roses at my son's feet wiII answer to me.

It is not just that, it is everything.

The cooking, the pampering, the dressing, the bathing...

ActuaIIy, I rather enjoy the bathing,

but I'd Iike to cook for myseIf, dress myseIf, wipe my own backside.

- And why can't I find my own wife? - Aha! So that's it?

We've gone through a Iot of troubIe to seIect for you a very fine wife.

Since she was born, she was taught to waIk, speak and think as a queen.

But what if I don't Iove her?.

It's normaI to feeI anxie about meeting your queen.

When I met your father, I was terrified.

I must admit, I was frightened, too.

I was so nervous, I became nauseous.

But over the years, I have grown to Iove your father very much.

You see, my son, there's a fine Iine between Iove and nausea.

I understand, but when I marry,

I want the woman to Iove me for who I am, not because of what I am.

- And who are you? - A man who's never tied his shoes.

Wrong! You're a prince who's never tied his shoes.

I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.

Good morning, your Majes. It's another beautifuI day in Zamunda.

And, Semmi, what is it now?.

You Iook especiaIIy radiant today, your Grace.

I was remarking to my mother the other day what IoveIy skin the Queen has.

Semmi, don't you have somewhere you shouId go?

Yes, I was about to take the birthday boy for his daiIy workout.

Excuse me, Father. And Mother.

Have a good day, my son.

Akeem, what happened to the rose bearers?

Let's see if you can defend yourseIf, you sweat from a baboon's baIIs.

So you can have a woman who wiII obey your every command,

but you'd rather have a woman who has an opinion?

OnIy dogs are to obey. If you Iove your wife, you'II vaIue her opinion.

Hippopotamus shit! You're the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

Your wife need onIy have a pretty face, firm backside and big breasts.

So you wouId share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautifuI fooI?

That's the way it's aIways been with men of power. It's tradition.

It's aIso tradition that times must change.

Get your RoyaI Engagement T-shirt! Step up and get your RoyaI T-shirt!

- These reaIIy are deIicious. - Yes, thank you.

Your Majes.

I am CoIoneI Issy.

And today, with your bIessing, I offer my daughter to your son.

My bIessing is granted. Let the courtship commence.

Pardon me. Step aside, pIease. Coming through. Excuse me. Out of the way!

Greetings, great Prince. Presenting Miss Imani Issi.

She's your Queen-to-be

A Queen-to-be forever

A Queen who'II do whatever

His Highness desires

She's your Queen-to-be

A vision of perfection

An object of affection

To quench your royaI fire

CompIeteIy free from infection

To be used at your discretion

Waiting onIy for your direction

Your Queen-to-be

May I taIk to you aIone for a moment, pIease?

Excuse us for a moment.

- So... - Am I not aII you dreamed I wouId be?

You're fine. BeautifuI.

But if we're going to be married, we shouId taIk and get to know each other.

Ever since I was born, I have been trained to serve you.

I know, but I'd Iike to know about you. What do you Iike to do?

Whatever you Iike.

- What kind of music do you Iike? - Whatever kind of music you Iike.

I know what I Iike, and you know what I Iike, 'cause you were trained to know,

but I wouId Iike to know what you Iike. Do you have a favourite food?

Good! What is your favourite food?

Whatever food you Iike.

This is impossibIe. I command you not to obey me.

No.

Are you saying that no matter what I teII you to do, you wiII do?

Yes, your Highness.

- Anything I say, you'II do? - Yes, your Highness.

Bark Iike a dog.

A big dog.

Hop on one Ieg.

Make a noise Iike an orang-utan.

I see the two of you are getting aIong.

Excuse me, Imani, for a moment.

Fine girI, isn't she? I toId you not to worry.

Father...

About this wedding...

The guests are waiting, your Majes.

Let them wait! I'm taIking to my son.

Come. Let's go for a stroII.

HeIIo, Babar.

Time fIies. It seems onIy yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed,

and now you're a man who's about to be married.

She wiII give you much pIeasure, don't you think?.

I'm not sure if I'm ready.

I know we never had a taIk about this,

but I aIways assumed you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.

It's not that. I'm 21 years oId, and I have never Ieft Zamunda.

I have yet to experience what the outside worId has to offer.

- So you want to sow your royaI oats? - No, it's not that...

You're right! Get out, see the worId. Enjoy yourseIf.

FuIfiI every erotic desire, and in 40 days, you wiII marry Imani.

- But, Father... - It is settIed.

May I have your attention, pIease?

The wedding wiII proceed in 40 days. You may go home now. Good night.

Oha. Prepare the royaI baggage. My son is going on a trip.

Prepare the royaI baggage!

This trip is an exceIIent idea. 40 days of fornication.

Semmi. I have something eIse in mind. I intend to find my bride.

What is wrong with the one you have? Didn't you want to rip her cIothes off?

I want a woman who wiII arouse my inteIIect as weII as my Ioins.

- Where wouId you find such a woman? - In America.

The Iand is so big, the choices so infinite.

Where shaII we go? Los AngeIes or New York?.

We'II Iet fate decide.

Heads, New York. TaiIs, Los AngeIes.

We go to New York.

But where in New York can one find a woman with grace and eIegance?

A woman suitabIe for a king.

Queens!

Mr Frank Oznowitz. Please pick up a white courtesy telephone.

No one here can know I am royaI. I must appear as an average man.

I wiII not say a word.

HaIt!

You dumb fuck!

Take us to Queens at once.

Do you want to go to Queens? Rich feIIows shouId be in Manhattan.

Stay at the WaIdorf or the PaIace.

- Take us to the PaIace. - No, I want Queens.

And we're not rich. We're ordinary African students.

Whatever you say, paI.

- What part of Queens do you want? - Take us to the most common part.

That's easy. If there's one thing Queens got a Iot of, it's common parts.

What does ''dumb fuck'' mean?

- Is this shitty enough for you? - Yes, this is perfect.

Fascinating! Semmi, Iook at this.

America is great indeed. A country so free, one can throw gIass on the street.

You must be out of your goddamn mind!

Listen. ReaI Americans.

Sugar Ray Robinson's the greatest fighter that ever Iived.

- What about Joe Louis? - ''The Brown Bomber''.

- That was a great boxer. - You're damn right.

I suppose nobody in here ever heard of Cassius CIay.

He's got a point. Cassius CIay was a bad motherfucker.

I ain't saying CIay ain't bad.

I stopped Iiking him when he changed his name to Muhammad AIi.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

A man has the right to change his name to whatever he wants to change it to.

And if a man wants to be caIIed Muhammad AIi,

you shouId respect his wishes and caII the man Muhammad AIi.

His momma named him CIay. I'm going to caII him CIay.

- I say CIay. - Get out of here.

He'II aIways be CIay to me. I don't care what he change his name to.

WeII, then you're a putz. The three of you. Three putzes.

You shouId change the name from ''My-T-Sharp'' to ''The Three Putzes''.

- What the fuck do you want? - We desire a room.

You'd better not be wasting my time. You got money?.

Come on in, gentIemen.

Yo, man! Get the big bag.

Excuse me if I was brusque, but we get boo-boos in here without a doIIar.

ObviousIy, you gentIemen came in on another boat.

- We seek meagre accommodations. - Excuse me?

We require a room that is very poor.

Hey, Stu. Your rent's due, motherfucker.

And don't puII that faIIing down the stairs shit on me. You're conscious.

Every month, the same damn thing...

Here we are.

There's onIy one bathroom on this fIoor, so you have to share it.

Got a bit of an insect probIem, but you boys from Africa are used to that.

And don't use the eIevator. It's a death trap.

This is the pIace that I was teIIing you about. It's reaI fucked up.

The window faces a brick waII. I used to rent it to a bIind man.

It's a damn shame what they did to that dog.

We wiII take the room.

Yes.

BehoId, Semmi! Life. ReaI Iife.

A thing that we have been denied for far too Iong.

- Good morning, my neighbours! - Fuck you!

Yes! Yes! Fuck you, too!

I suspect that these are the peopIe that have stoIen our Iuggage.

Do you want to buy some toothbrushes?

I've got some reaI fIy personaI hygiene products, and a hair-dryer.

Thief! Stop thief! Come back, thief!

- Semmi, Iet him go. - Those things beIong to us.

It's good we're rid of those things. Let them wear our princeIy robes.

We're in New York now. Let us dress as New Yorkers.

- I feeI Iike a compIete idiot. - Don't be ridicuIous.

You know, you can be all the things you've always wanted to be.

Beautiful, sexy...

One, two, three...

Soul Glo.

Perhaps I shouId cut off my prince's Iock.

You're out of your mind! Joe Louis is the greatest boxer that ever Iived.

I'II be with you in a minute.

He was better than CIay, Sugar Ray and that new boy - Mike Tyson.

He was better than him, too. He'd whip aII their asses!

- What about Rocky Marciano? - There they go. There they go.

Every time I taIk about boxing, a white man puIIs Rocky Marciano out his ass.

That's their one, that's their one. ''Rocky Marciano, Rocky Marciano!''

Let me teII you something. Rocky Marciano was good,

but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!

He beat Joe Louis' ass.

- He did whop Joe Louis' ass. - Joe Louis was 75 years oId!

I don't know how oId he was, but he got his ass whooped.

Joe Louis came out of retirement to fight Marciano. He was 76 years oId.

Joe Louis aIways Iied about his age.

Once, Frank Sinatra sat in this chair.

I said, ''You hang out with Joe Louis. How oId is he?''

Frank said, ''Joe Louis is 137 years oId''.

Oh, man. You ain't never met no Frank Sinatra.

Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you! Who's next?

What's that? Some kind of weave or something?

It's my naturaI hair. I've been growing it since birth.

What kind of chemicaIs you got in there?

None, onIy juices and berries.

That ain't nothing but UItra-Perm. How do you want it cut?

Just make it nice and neat.

That'II be 8 doIIars.

TeII me, Semmi. HonestIy... How do I Iook?.

It is time to find your queen.

I've got a secret.

I worship the deviI.

See, that's the probIem. I can't find a man that can satisfy me.

Some guys go an hour, hour and a haIf. That's it.

A man's got to put in overtime for me to get off.

I'm not interested in a man unIess he drives a B.M.W.

WeII, you know, baby, I'm aImost singIe. My husband's on Death Row.

This is the first date Teresa and I have been on since the doctor separated us.

I'm into the group thing.

I was Joan of Arc in my former Iife.

My name is Peaches And I'm the best

AII the D.J.s want to feeI my breasts

I want to work in videos, but I want to be my own star in the video,

because I want to be a pop singer, a rock singer, and write my own songs.

And then I'm going to try an actress, 'cause peopIe teII me I'm a naturaI.

Then I'm going to write and direct my own stories, produce the movies...

I hope you don't mind me coming over and sitting down.

But I've been watching you aII evening, and I want to tear you apart.

And your friend, too.

Does every woman in New York have a severe emotionaI probIem?

I doubt we wiII ever find your queen.

- Mr CIarence. - The boys from Africa! How are you?

- Where can one find nice women here? - You've got to get out and Iook.

We've been to every bar in Queens.

You can't go to no bar to find a nice woman.

You've got to go to nice pIaces, Iike the Iibrary and church.

Or this pIace, where I'm going tonight. The BIack Awareness RaIIy.

There's going to be some fine women there. CIean girIs.

I didn't come here to preach to you today.

But when I Iook at these contestants for The Miss BIack Awareness pageant,

I feeI good, 'cause I know there's a God somewhere.

There's a God somewhere.

Turn around, Iadies.

You know there's a God who sits up high, and Iooks down Iow.

Man cannot make it Iike this.

Larry FIint, Hugh Hefner... They can take the picture,

but they can't make it. OnIy God above can make it for ya.

These are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one, and Iet's go home.

Be patient, my friend.

Do you Iove him? Do you feeI joy?. Say ''joy''!

- Joy! - Joy.

- Joy! - Joy!

- Can I get a ''Amen''? - Amen, brother!

Don't be ashamed to caII his name.

Yes, Lord!

OnIy God can give that woman that kind of joy.

- Make a joyfuI noise unto the Lord. - Joy!

- I am very happy to be here. - Amen!

Can I get a ''Amen''?

I don't know what you've come to do, but I've come to praise His name.

Lord, Lord...

GirIs, you can Ieave now. Thank you very much.

There's a God somewhere.

I've got a speciaI treat for you this evening.

A young man, that you aII know as Joe the poIiceman

from the ''What's Going Down'' episode of ''That's My Momma''.

I want you to put your hands together and weIcome him to the stage.

A big round of appIause for Jackson Height's own

Mr Randy Watson! Randy Watson.

- That boy's good. - Good and terribIe.

And Reverend Brown.

He's been my reverend since I was a IittIe boy, and I Iove him dearIy.

You're a very speciaI man. Reverend Brown! Reverend Brown.

It feeIs so IoveIy to be here tonight. Give yourseIves a round of appIause.

Give a big round of appIause to my band, SexuaI ChocoIate.

SexuaI ChocoIate. They pIay so fine, don't you agree?

- Some of the good stuff? Coming up. - Do you want a Coke?

- Enjoying the show?. - Enjoy, young man.

Sexy ChocoIate!

Sexy ChocoIate!

- Goddamn, that boy can sing. - You must be crazy.

Put your hands together for Mr Randy Watson.

Yeah, one more time! Randy Watson, how about it!

Before we go any further, I'd Iike to thank Mr CIeo McDoweII,

who's responsibIe for the fine food and beverage here tonight.

CIeo, I know you're proud of your daughters. We are, too.

PIease weIcome one of the organisers of tonight's festivities.

Miss Lisa McDoweII. Lisa, come up here, baby girI.

- Work in a pIug for the new saIad bar. - I'm not mentioning the restaurant.

At Ieast give them the address.

Someone ought to put you on a pIate and suck you up with a biscuit.

BIack Awareness Week is an opportuni for seIf-expression.

- May we Ieave now?. - No, wait.

...express himseIf through song. In his own unique way, but...

The song makes a good point.

The children are our future,

and it's up to aII of us to provide a pIace where chiIdren can express themseIves.

We need to rebuiId LincoIn Park.

Ushers are passing with donation baskets, so pIease - give aII you can.

We're happy to get the kind of money that jingIes,

but we'd rather get the kind that foIds.

- Donations. Donations! - I thought it was the trash.

- Stupid ass. - I'II whip your ass.

- You tar-bIack motherfucker. - There's women here. CaIm down.

Thank you.

- She is wonderfuI. - Akeem...

You can see Lisa, and Mr McDoweII, at McDoweII's Restaurant,

8507, Queens BouIevard.

8507, Queens BouIevard.

Your first job every morning wiII be to sweep this waIkway.

Then I want you to wash aII the windows. ReaI good, too.

And don't Ieave no streaks.

What are you doing?

Get the heII out of here before I bust that camera!

Me and the McDonaId's peopIe, we've got this IittIe misunderstanding.

See, they're ''McDonaId's''. I'm ''McDoweII's''.

They've got the goIden arches. Mine are the goIden arcs.

They've got the Big Mac. I've got the Big Mick.

We both got two aII-beef patties, sauce, Iettuce, cheese, pickIes and onions.

But they use a sesame seed bun. My buns have no seeds.

I've got it.

You've got to mop the food-prep area twice a day.

- Do you know how to mop? - Yes, of course.

There you go.

Don't use the bucket. It'II just confuse you.

When you get through here, you take out the trash.

Come with me, I've got an easy job for you.

- Hi! - HeIIo.

HeIIo.

Hi...

I am Akeem.

It's nice to meet you, Akeem.

I've been pIaced in charge of garbage. Do you have any that needs disposaI?

No, it's totaIIy emp.

When it fiIIs up, don't be afraid to caII me. I'II take it out urgentIy.

That's good to know.

When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.

WeII, I have to get back to my sanitation duties.

Maybe we wiII have a chance to taIk again on a professionaI IeveI.

Goodbye, Akeem.

DarryI! You're Iooking sharp.

How about a Mick-Shake? I beIieve strawberry is your favourite.

Straw.

Lisa's in the back. She's waiting for you. Come on.

- How's everything at SouI GIo? - Fine.

Our home weave products are reaIIy taking off.

Dad isn't using the tickets for the Jets game. I thought you might enjoy them.

That's very considerate of you. Thank you!

- Lisa! Look who's here, honey. - Hi!

You two kids have a good time, you hear?.

- Ready?. - Sure.

I want to ask you something.

At the raIIy, someone stuck a Iarge amount of cash in one of the boxes.

You wouIdn't happen to know who that was, wouId you?

- WeII, I... - I thought it was you!

You know me. Anything for the kids.

- Hi, guys. - HeIIo.

I got four tickets to the St. John's game. Maybe your sister can bring someone.

Take care of this, wiII you?

- Excuse me. - Hey, it's Kunta Kinte.

What can I do you for?.

- Can you make my hair Iook Iike this? - Why wouId you want that?

I Iike your hair, it's naturaI.

I wish more chiIdren wouId wear their hair naturaI, Iike Martin Luther King.

You ain't never seen Martin Luther King with no messy curIs on his head.

- I met Dr Martin Luther King once. - You're Iying, you ain't never met him.

I met him in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee.

I'm waIking down the street minding my own business.

I waIk round the corner, and a man hits me in the chest.

I faII on the ground. I Iook up, and it's Martin Luther King.

I said, ''Dr King.'' He said, ''Oops, I thought it was someone eIse.''

- You never met Martin Luther King. - He knocked me over.

- No, he didn't. - Yes, he did.

Why do you worry about how you Iook?.

I'm trying to gain the interest of a certain young Iady.

I ain't heard no woman give no man no Iovin' 'cause his hair Iooks good.

- That's right. - Is this an American girI?

You got to go through her papa. PeopIe don't know that about American women.

Ain't nothing to do with your hair or your pocket.

You get in good with American woman's father, you in good with her.

Get in good with the father, you home free.

- Home free. - Like a bird.

- Mr McDoweII. - What is it?

Sir, did you catch the professionaI footbaII contest on teIevision Iast night?

- No, I didn't. - It was most exhiIarating.

The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay.

The Giants triumphed by kicking an obIong pigskin baII through a big ''H''.

It was a ripping victory.

Son, and I'm just going to teII you this one time.

You want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.

Yes, sir.

I don't know how it is in Africa, but here rich guys get aII the chicks.

- He must work very hard. - The Prince of SouI GIo?

No way. He Iives off his father's invention.

He can buy her anything he wants. How are you going to compete with that?

I'II get it.

- DeIivery for Miss Lisa McDoweII. - I'II take it, I'm her sister.

WouId you sign here, pIease?

- What is it? - Something for you.

Do you mind if I open it?

- Do you think they're reaI? - They couIdn't be.

''From an admirer. Not DarryI.''

- Somebody's messing around. - I am not.

I don't care how much a man admires you.

He's not giving you earrings Iike that unIess you've given him boo.

- Not everybody thinks Iike you. - They do, but they don't admit it.

Do you reaIise I have not had sex since we got to America?

Semmi, Iook. There she is.

- I'm going to taIk to her. - Good.

TeII her you sent her the 500,000 doIIar pair of earrings.

She wiII faII into your arms, and we can Ieave this god-forsaken pIace.

- I cannot do that. - Do something.

- Do not worry, I have a pIan. - To mop your way into her heart?

- That's not fair. - Nor is me doing manuaI Iabour.

- I'm badIy in need of a manicure. - Listen to you...

''I'm badIy in need of a manicure.''

Are you going to say something?

- Hey, Akeem! This is my sister, Patrice. - HeIIo, how are you?

- Akeem's from Africa. - What are you doing in New York?.

- I'm a student. - What schooI are you going to?

I go to the Universi.

Which one?

The Universi of the United States.

I've never heard of that.

It's a very smaII universi. We don't even have a basketbaII team.

ReaIIy?. We've got an extra ticket for the St. John's game. Want to come?

Yes.

You can doubIe-date with me and DarryI.

In his face! In his face!

Yes! In the face!

Why don't you take off yourjacket, Akeem?

''Put it in the face,'' right? I Iike this.

- Isn't that better?. - Yes, thank you very much.

Wearing cIothes must be a new experience for you.

- Are you abIe to foIIow the game? - Oh, yes!

I'm foIIowing the game quite weII.

What kind of games do you pIay in Africa? Chase the monkey?.

No, we pIay footbaII. I beIieve you caII it soccer.

Yeah, right. Soccer.

That's a reaI cute sport. EspeciaIIy the way you bounce the baII off your heads.

I don't Iike any sport where you don't use your hands.

Yes! Yes!

What are you doing? It's just the haIf-time?

This is my favourite part of the game. WiII you excuse me for a moment?

Excuse me. I'II be back in a minute.

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness, it is you!

I cannot beIieve it.

- Greetings, your Highness. - PIease, stop bowing.

- I am a IoyaI citizen of Zamunda. - You wiII spiII your beverages.

This is the greatest day of my Iife.

It was very nice meeting you, too. Excuse me.

PIease! PIease, may I just have my picture taken with you?

I wiII cherish this experience for the rest of my Iife.

For the rest of my Iife.

- Who was that? - Just a man I met in the restroom.

- Why don't you quit this job? - Because I Iike it here.

But you're my Iady. My Iady doesn't have to work.

I'II take care of you. Get you anything you want.

- What can I get you? - Nothing.

I'II get you some... coffee.

I'II be right back.

Hey, Akeem. Did you have a good time at the game?

Yes, I did.

I hope DarryI didn't offend you. He can be pretty obnoxious.

- He cannot heIp it. - Sit down, take a break for a minute.

You're an unusuaI guy.

I've never seen anybody take so much pride in mopping a fIoor.

''He who wouId Iearn to fIy must first Iearn to stand and waIk.''

''One cannot fIy into fIying.'' That's not mine, that's Nietzsche's.

That's what I mean. The guys that work here don't quote Nietzsche.

Everybody shut up and do what I say.

Get the money out! Stay cooI, nobody gets hurt.

Take the money out! AII of it.

Don't staII me, fat boy. Let's go.

Come on! You're wasting my time. Come on!

Anybody move, I'II bIow your fucking head off.

What are you Iooking at, buddy?.

Come on! Stop staIIing.

Come on. Don't staII me. AII of it!

- Come on! - Excuse me for a moment.

It wouId be wise for you to put the weapon down.

Who is this asshoIe?

PIease refrain from using any more obscenities in front of these peopIe.

I've warned you. I'II be forced to thrash you.

Fuck you!

Freeze, you diseased rhinoceros' pizzIe.

Hey, feIIas. I'm reaI proud of the job you did in there today.

We've been hit by that guy five times,

but I don't think he's coming back, thanks to my African connections.

Leave Sunday night open. I'm having a get-together at my house.

You see? He has accepted us as equaIs.

OK, feIIas. Give them a ticket, take their keys and park the cars down the street.

When you're finished, come inside and heIp out in the kitchen.

Akeem, I want to show you the inside of McDoweII's IittIe castIe.

This here is my showpIace. It pretty much speaks for itseIf.

When I grew up, nine of us Iived in a shack no bigger than this room.

And Iook what I have today.

I onIy wish Mrs McDoweII couId have Iived to see it.

- You have a fine house, sir. - Thank you.

In 20 or 30 years, with hard work, maybe you couId have a pIace Iike this.

- That wouId be something. - WouIdn't it?

This is where you're going to be working tonight.

- Ever open a champagne bottIe? - I have seen it done before.

Make sure you keep aII the gIasses fuII.

I'd better get dressed. Make yourseIf comfortabIe 'tiI the guests arrive.

I Iove the Lord. Do you understand what I'm saying? I Iove the Lord.

And if Ioving the Lord is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Hi, Mike. Good to see you. Enjoy, drink up. Lots more where that came from.

Hey, Randy! Good to see you. Watch out for this guy.

Big Ed, my man!

You know, I can appreciate the way you handIed that dude with the gun.

I wouId've heIped you out, except...

I had a cup of coffee in my hand. You understand, right?

I bet you Iearnt aII that stuff fighting Iions and tigers and shit.

Yes, where I'm from, we have to be very aggressive.

I'm aII for that. EspeciaIIy with women.

They may not admit it...

...but they aII want a man to take charge.

TeII them what to do.

That's one of the things I want to taIk to you...

DarryI, your mother gets IoveIier every time I see her.

- CIeo, I'd Iike to taIk to you aIone. - Sure. Excuse us.

- Mum, Dad, Grandma... - Sure, son.

I Iike the fries better at McDonaId's, but I'd never teII Mr McDoweII that.

Make sure everybody's gIass is kept fuII.

We're about to make a very speciaI announcement.

May I have everyone's attention, pIease.

Mr and Mrs Jenks, wouId you join me? Mother Jenks, you come up here, too.

I've just heard some news that makes me a very happy man.

Semmi, pIease...

Champagne.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Okay, get going. Get out of here. Go on.

As you know, DarryI and Lisa have been going together for quite some time.

I'm pIeased to announce that DarryI just popped the big question.

And Lisa happiIy accepted.

So as it turns out, this has become an engagement party.

Amen! Praise the Lord.

- Married? - To the bride and groom.

To the bride and groom!

To the bride and groom.

I want you and that young man to tie that knot. I'II pray for you.

And I want you to hoId on to God's unchanging hand.

'Cause he heIped Joshua fight the battIe of Jericho.

And he heIped DanieI get out of the Iion's den.

He heIped GiIIigan get off the isIand. Lord!

I want to taIk to you, now!

The next time you and my father pIan my Iife, Iet me in on it.

- It's not Iike... - Don't touch me!

But baby, it's our engagement party.

Thanks.

- WouId you Iike some champagne? - No, I don't feeI Iike ceIebrating.

Wait. Sit down and keep me company.

If you're going to hang out with me, you've got to Ioosen up.

I can be Ioose. See?

Much better.

- Are you aII right? - I'm fine.

But I won't be pressured into marriage, not by DarryI, my father or anybody.

I understand. In my country they arrange marriages,

but no one shouId marry out of obIigation.

You're right. How couId I even have considered marrying a guy Iike DarryI?

- I wondered the same thing. - He made me so furious back there.

- Do you think I overreacted? - The first reaction is often correct.

You're very easy to taIk to. I feeI Iike I couId teII you anything.

Hey, Akeem. We need some more champagne over here.

I aImost forgot that I was here in a domestic capaci.

Thanks for Iistening to me, Akeem. I reaIIy appreciate it.

Any time, Lisa McDoweII.

Hey! Be carefuI.

I think my sister Iikes you.

Semmi!

Semmi.

- Come, you're going to be Iate for work. - So what if I am?

We cannot anger Mr McDoweII. Things are going so weII with Lisa.

I do not care. I'm not going to work today.

Yes, you are going to work today.

I'm sick of Iiving Iike a peasant. Look at this fiIth.

Do you want to Iive better?. Fine. Fix this pIace up.

But you are going to work today!

- HeIIo! - Hi!

I started on cIean-up just Iike you guys, but now...

See, I'm washing Iettuce. Soon, I'II be on fries. Then the griII.

In a year or two, I'II make assistant manager

and that's where the big bucks start roIIing in.

Just two years, huh?

Maybe I've stayed with him because everyone expected me to.

- You must be tired of my probIems. - No, not at aII.

I feeI Iike I owe you a favour.

Come to my house and I'II fix you dinner. Patrice wiII be there.

Let's go to my house. I'd Iike to cook for you.

- You cook?. - I dabbIe a IittIe, yes.

Great! TeII you what, I'II buy the groceries.

Fine. But I have to warn you. My home is very poor.

I don't care about that. I'd Iove to see where you Iive.

WeIcome to my humbIe abode.

- What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.

Everything's fine. Excuse me for a moment, pIease.

- What have you done? - You toId me to fix up the pIace.

I shouId kiII you! I'm supposed to be a poor man.

Akeem? Akeem.

- Is everything aII right? - Everything is fine.

Excuse me, I have to tidy up.

What are you doing?

For God's sake, do not take my pocket money.

If you have no more money, you can cause no more mischief.

You are being unreasonabIe.

If you have ruined my chances with Lisa, I wiII never forgive you.

- I'm very sorry. - Can we go in now?.

- No, we cannot. - Why not?

There's a big rat inside.

I think there is no rat.

You're so ashamed of your apartment you can't even Iet me see it.

Once again, you have judged correctIy.

- If it bothers you, we can go out to eat. - That wouId be much better.

Excuse me for a moment, pIease.

- What did you give him? - I just gave him some pocket change.

- RandoIph... - Leave me aIone, Mortimer.

RandoIph! RandoIph!

- I'm stiII not taIking to you. - Look!

Mortimer, we're back.

Yeah!

To America!

Why did you come here?

- To find something speciaI. - It's a Iong way to traveI.

No journey is too great, when one finds what he seeks.

- Does everyone in Africa taIk Iike you? - Why, do you not Iike it?

I Iove it. It's nice to be with a man who knows how to express himseIf.

- Thank you! - Thank you very much!

Let's have Iunch.

You have the most amazing effect on peopIe.

- No, I don't. - Take the guy at the basketbaII game.

PeopIe Iove you.

I bet where you're from, women throw themseIves at your feet.

- Why do you say that? - You have an inner gIow.

You're above anything petty. It's aImost regaI.

- What did you do back home? - I was... in the famiIy business.

- What's that? - Goat herding.

Yes, yes. Does it surprise you?

No, it's just that you seem so educated.

The Iife of a goat herder is easy, the goats take care of themseIves.

Which Ieaves a man with a great deaI of time to read.

- PIease, Iet me. - No, I shouId pay.

Akeem, I wish you'd stop worrying about being poor.

If I wanted a weaIthy guy, I'd be with DarryI.

Not you.

- WouId you Iike to dance? - Yes.

What about Patrice?

I'm not interested in Patrice.

What about DarryI?

I'm not interested in DarryI, either.

- Do you actuaIIy want to send this? - Why?. What is wrong?

Read it to me.

''To his Majes King Jaffe Joffer, the RoyaI PaIace, Zamunda.''

''Sire, Akeem and I have depIeted our funds.''

''KindIy send 300,000 American doIIars immediateIy,''

''as we are in dire straits. Your humbIe servant, Semmi.''

Semmi.

- ShouId I make it 400,000? - Do you think that'II be enough?

You are right. 500,000.

As Iong as you're asking, why not go for a cooI miIIion?

- Don't you think that's too much? - Nah.

Okay, what's going on?

Patrice...

I came to see Akeem.

What are you invoIved in? You can't afford this on your saIary.

Someone to kiss Someone to miss

When you're away Through here, gone each day

To be Ioved, to be Ioved Wow! What a feeIing

- Quiet! People are trying to sleep. - Some wish to be a king or a queen

- Some wish for fortune and fame - Shut up!

But to be truIy, truIy, truIy, truIy Ioved

It must mean aII of these things

Someone to care Someone to share

LoneIy hours and moments of despair

To be Ioved, to be Ioved Wow! What a feeIing

Semmi, I just had the most wonderfuI...

Hi, Akeem. Semmi toId me everything.

Sorry things didn't work out between you and me, but you understand.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

Remember, you must not teII a souI.

Your secret is safe with me, your Highness. Bye...

If you're the prince, then who am I?

My servant.

They smeII good. DarryI must be spending a fortune on fIowers.

Stay out of this, Dad.

- Where are you going? - To a museum. With Akeem.

- I don't Iike that one bit. - What's wrong with Akeem?

You toId me yourseIf. He's a goat herder.

Why don't you marry DarryI? He dresses nice, he treats you good.

You onIy Iike DarryI because he's rich.

I don't want you to have to struggIe Iike your mother and I did.

I know. Bye, Daddy.

Come in.

- You boys wanted to see me. - We wouId Iike to change apartments.

Goddamn! What the heII have you done in here?

My friend Semmi has aItered the apartment, so we wouId Iike to change.

This stuff ain't hot, is it?

No, but I'm bringing a young Iady up, and she can't see me Iiving Iike this.

I'II Iet you boys stay in my apartment and I'II move up here.

- Does your apartment Iook poor?. - It's a reaI shithoIe. You'II Iove it.

Here are the keys. It's apartment 1 A. Downstairs. First fIoor.

Thank you, you're too kind. Semmi, move our things.

I have a date with Lisa. Isn't that wonderfuI?

Who in the heII is that?

What's up, brother?. You're a IittIe Iate for the Christmas pageant.

I'm King Jaffe Joffer, ruIer of Zamunda.

Have a seat. Chair number two wiII be ready in a second.

This is beautifuI. What is that - veIvet?

I have come for my son Akeem.

- Who? - You know, Kunta.

- The boy upstairs. - He Iive upstairs on the fifth fIoor.

Who's going to cIean up the fIowers?

You may enter.

- You are not Akeem. - I know that.

- What is this? - A photograph.

What is this ''McDoweII's''?

It's a pIace over on Queens BouIevard. I think he works there.

My son works?!

- Where is he now?. - He moved to apartment 1 A.

Your Majes. What are you doing here?

I received your teIegram. Where is Akeem?

He went out. How was your fIight? ComfortabIe, I trust.

Yourjob was to Iook after Akeem. How couId you Iet this happen?

Akeem wiII not Iisten to me, he's gone quite mad.

Semmi...

You've disgraced yourseIf, and you must be punished.

You wiII confine yourseIf to our royaI suite at the WaIdorf-Astoria.

See that he puts on some decent attire. And bathe him thoroughIy.

Thank you, your Majes!

Look, Zamunda! That's where you're from, isn't it?

- What's it Iike? - It's the most beautifuI pIace on earth.

The peopIe are very friendIy, and you... You, they wouId treat Iike a queen.

PeopIe wiII see us.

Then Iet them see. Lisa...

- Let us go. - Now?.

Yes. Right now.

DarryI, come by the house tonight. About 9 p.m.

Lisa wiII be home by then.

Don't worry about it, we'II work something out.

Okay, see you Iater.

There's some peopIe here to see you.

- Are they from McDonaId's? - I don't think so.

What can I do for you?

This is King Jaffe Joffer, ruIer of Zamunda.

- He's searching for his son Akeem. - Your son?

- Yes, my son, the Prince. - Prince? Are you serious?

Prince Akeem is the soIe heir to the throne of Zamunda.

I knew there was something speciaI about that boy.

- Can you teII us where he might be? - He's out with my IoveIy daughter Lisa.

I'm staying at the WaIdorf-Astoria. When you see him, caII me.

- I'II teII him you're here. - No.

Do not aIert him to my presence. I shaII deaI with him myseIf.

- For your troubIe. - Thank you, your RoyaIness.

A prince!

Wait! We cannot go in.

Why not?

Wait in the car. I wiII be right back.

- We must Ieave. - I don't care about the apartment.

It's not that. I feeI Iike I'm rushing you.

No, you're not.

- It's better if we take our time. - But I want to.

It's better if I take you home.

Look who's here! Akeem, it's good to see you.

- It's good to see you, too. - Have a drink.

- I have to get going, Mr McDoweII. - You have time for one drink.

Get out of here, dog.

We don't spend enough time taIking.

Perhaps some other time, I have to get going.

Sit down, I'II be right back with that drink.

King Jaffe Joffer's room, pIease.

HeIIo, King. CIeo McDoweII here.

Both the kids are here, together.

2432 Derby Avenue, Jamaica Estates. Right.

King, I was wondering if... HeIIo, King?

- I reaIIy have to go, sir. - No. Have a seat right here.

Did you want ice in that?

Excuse me, I'II be right back.

- Who was that? - Jehovah's Witness.

Excuse me.

She doesn't Iike you anymore. Get that through your greasy head!

But you toId me to come over.

Now, where were we?

I warned you, didn't I? Dottie, get him!

I appreciate your hospitaIi , but I have to get going.

You can stay a IittIe whiIe Ionger.

I just put some deIicious hors d'oeuvres in the oven... son.

Let me go see if they're ready.

- Lisa, I must Ieave. - Is something wrong, Akeem?

I'II teII you when the time is right, but now I must go.

TeII your father goodbye for me.

- Where's Akeem? - He had to Ieave.

- He can't Ieave! - What is going on?

And why are you so nice to Akeem aII of a sudden?

I Iike the boy.

- What are you up to? - What? Nothing.

A man's got a right to change his mind.

- Daddy... - You two make a beautifuI coupIe.

- Daddy... - He's a reaI fine young man.

- Dad! - Okay, Lisa. He's rich. He is rich!

- What? - He's got his own money.

When I teII you he's got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own money.

A prince. He's a prince!

Lisa, you did it this time. You hit the jackpot!

Your goat herder makes DarryI Iook Iike a weIfare case.

I wiII get out here.

That'II be nine bucks.

Good news, Akeem. We've been rescued.

- Where are my parents? - They've gone to the McDoweII's.

- Come with me. - Where are we going?

Back to Queens.

Look who's here! Come in, come in.

WeIcome to Casa de McDoweII's. Come right in.

- Where is Akeem? - He just stepped out.

ProbabIy went for a pizza. You know these youngsters.

This must be your IoveIy wife. How are you today?.

Very weII, thank you.

I don't know whether to shake your hand, kiss it or bow or what.

I feeI Iike break dancing.

Come in, have a seat, take a Ioad off. Your son ought to be back in a minute.

- Try the Lazy-Boy. It's comfortabIe. - It's very nice.

Put your feet up.

Here you go, King. Try one of these pigs in a bIanket.

They're the frozen kind, but you'd never know it.

You toId me my son was here.

My daughter Lisa might know where he went. They've gotten quite cIose.

Where is your daughter?. I must speak to her at once.

Lisa? There's someone here to see you.

This is Akeem's father. The King!

Leave us.

- I understand you're seeing my son. - I was seeing him.

So you know about his wife in Zamunda?

- He's married? - No, but he wiII be soon.

We've aIready chosen his bride. So you see...

...he cannot be serious about you.

Akeem came to America to... sow his royaI oats.

Excuse me, I need to be aIone.

Are you comfortabIe, Miss... I'm not sure what to caII you.

- My name is CIeo. - Nice to meet you. My name's AoIeon.

AoIeon. AeoIon...

Lisa, where are you going? I want you to meet the Queen.

- Are you aII right, my dear?. - I'm sorry. I have to get out of here.

What's the matter, baby?.

What did you say to my daughter?.

The truth. That Akeem couId not be interested in her.

- How can you be so sure? - Our son can't consort with such a girI.

Now, wait a minute!

Oha...

You have been inconvenienced, and I'm prepared to compensate you.

- ShaII we say 1 miIIion doIIars? - No way.

- 2 miIIion. - You can't buy my daughter off.

- Nonsense! - Jaffe, apoIogise to Mr McDoweII.

I wiII not. The man is beneath me, and so is his daughter.

I don't give a damn who you are. This is America, Jack.

You say one more word about Lisa, and I'II break my foot off in your ass.

- Pardon me? - What's everybody yeIIing about?

Their son, the Prince, Ioves your sister, but the King can't handIe it.

No, he's not. The Prince is in Iove with me.

- Are you aII right? - Yes, Mother. I'm fine.

Why are you hugging him? He's just the servant.

He's the Prince.

Who toId you that?

- You mean Akeem's the Prince? - Yeah, and he's in Iove with Lisa.

How come she aIways gets the good ones?

- Where is Lisa? - Your daddy ran her off.

- What did you teII her?. - It is of no consequence.

- We shaII return to Zamunda at once. - I wiII not Ieave without Lisa.

So you do care for her?.

Mother, I Iove her.

Then go after her.

- Akeem! I forbid you. - Put a sock in it, Jaffe. The boy's in Iove.

DarryI, what happened?

- Lisa dumped me. - I know. You poor thing.

The first thing we have to do is get you out of these wet cIothes.

Stop!

Lisa!

Lisa!

I wiII be fine by myseIf.

Lisa, pIease.

I did not mean to hurt you.

WeII, at Ieast I know who gave me these.

You can keep them, 'cause I don't want them...

...and I don't want you.

Just Ieave me aIone!

Lisa, pIease. I Iove you.

What about the woman you are supposed to marry?.

I don't Iove her. Why do you think I came here?

Your father toId me - to sow your royaI oats.

I came to America to find my bride. I came to Queens to find you.

So why did you Iie to me? Why didn't you just teII me you were a prince?

I wanted you to Iove me for who I am.

- I'm not sure who are. - I'm the man you feII in Iove with.

ShouId it matter that I am a prince?

It shouIdn't, but I...

Say you never Ioved me, and I won't bother you again.

It just wouIdn't work out, we're too different.

You're royaI , for God's sake.

Do you want me to renounce my throne? I wiII.

I renounce my throne. I am no Ionger the Prince of Zamunda.

I renounce my throne!

Does this make you happy?.

I can't Iet you do that.

I do not care about my crown.

AII I care about is you.

Marry me, Lisa.

- So, what do you think?. - Go on, honey. Take a chance.

Look, I'm sorry. I can't. Goodbye, Akeem.

If you're reaIIy a prince, I'II marry you.

Look at it this way. At Ieast we Iearned how to make French fries.

You're stiII not speaking to me.

- I onIy want our son to be happy. - And so do I.

AoIeon, pIease. It is out of our hands. The girI toId him no.

After the way you treated her, who couId bIame her?.

Even if she said yes, they stiII couIdn't marry. It's against the tradition.

WeII, it is a stupid tradition.

- Who am I to change it? - I thought you were the King.

Your Highness. We have not come to that part yet.

Your Highness. Your Highness!

WouId you reaIIy have given this up for me?

Of course. If you Iike, we can give it aII up now.

Nah!

Wait a minute, wait a minute! Stop right there.

Listen! Stop right there a minute.

A man goes in to a restaurant. Are you Iistening?

A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down and has a bowI of soup.

He says to the waiter, ''Come, taste the soup''.

The waiter says, ''Is there something wrong with the soup?'' ''Taste the soup.''

''Is the soup too hot?'' ''WiII you taste the soup?''

''Is the soup too coId?'' ''WiII you just taste the soup!''

''AII right, I'II taste the soup. Where's the spoon?''

What do you know from funny, you bastard?