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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080
(Eerie music plays on TV)
2
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,160
(Mobile phone rings)
3
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,740
It's a private number.
4
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:19,180
Wait! Don't answer it!
You don't know who it could be.
5
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,940
Who could it have been?
6
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,040
The bank?
7
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,380
Debt collectors?
8
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,480
No.
9
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:33,060
Something far, far more evil.
10
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,520
Like who?
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00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,240
Centrelink.
12
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,160
OK. I've turned it off.
13
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,240
It's not that easy.
14
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,340
My Uncle Roy, he had
a private number call him once.
15
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,440
Thought he could ignore it.
16
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:58,500
All day and all night,
it just kept ringing.
17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,980
Didn't stop.
18
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,100
What happened?
19
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,440
One day he answered it...
20
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,920
..and we never saw him again.
21
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,640
(Mobile phone rings)
22
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,680
Julie...
23
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,040
..I thought you said
your phone was off.
24
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Yeah.
25
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,000
I'm gonna answer it.
Don't.
26
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,480
Don't you ever answer
a private number!
27
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,240
I have to answer it!
It just keeps ringing!
28
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:34,700
Arggh!
29
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,800
(Mobile phone rings)
30
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,520
(Dramatic music builds)
31
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,620
Hello.
32
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,720
WOMAN, ON PHONE:
This is Janice from Centrelink.
33
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Arggh!
34
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,600
(Phone rings)
Bastard!
35
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,820
Welcome to Blackfella Superstitious
Solutions. How can I help you?
36
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,500
WOMAN, ON PHONE: Yeah, hi.
37
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,600
I cut my hair last night
38
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,080
and apparently
you're not supposed to do that,
39
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,040
so I'm just calling
for confirmation.
40
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:56,060
What do you mean 'at night'?
You didn't actually cut it at night?
41
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,040
Well, it was dark, so, yeah,
I guess you would say night.
42
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,120
Uh, excuse me for a moment.
43
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,120
Hair! Oh!
44
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,820
Are you frigging kidding me?!
45
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,840
What was going through
that newly trimmed head of yours?
46
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,920
I got confused.
What do you mean 'confused'?
47
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,140
Are you black?
Yeah, I am.
48
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,800
But I thought it was whistling -
that you couldn't whistle at night.
49
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,260
Well, of course you can't!
50
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,460
There's a whole heap of shit
you can't do at night.
51
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,560
You can't whistle,
you can't use a broom,
52
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,240
and you most certainly
can't cut your friggin' hair!
53
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,900
What do I do? How do I fix it?
54
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,420
You can't fix it! You're fucked!
55
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,580
Did you clean up your hair? Please
tell me you cleaned up your hair.
56
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,680
Yeah, of course I did.
I knew that part.
57
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,560
Never leave your hair
laying around.
58
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,240
Oh, God, what am I gonna do?
59
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,760
Why the shit did I have to buy
those clippers?
60
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there,
Nelly, and back it up a bit!
61
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,260
Did you just say 'clippers'?
62
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,060
Yeah, I bought them yesterday.
63
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,560
They were on sale.
I used them to clipper my hair.
64
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,540
Oh, you silly bastard!
Then you got nothing to worry about.
65
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,940
It's only if you use scissors.
Clippers don't count.
66
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,160
So, I don't have anything
to worry about?
67
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,140
Not a thing. Now, get the fuck out
of here and stop wasting my time.
68
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,380
Oh! Thank you, brother.
You've saved my life!
69
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,120
Humph! Don't thank me,
thank your clippers.
70
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,200
MAN, VOICEOVER:
In the Aboriginal community,
71
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,540
coconut-based offences
are considered especially heinous.
72
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,660
The dedicated detectives who
investigate these vicious atrocities
73
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,320
are members of an elite squad
known as the Special Coconut Unit.
74
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,060
The people are real,
the cases are real.
75
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,540
The blacks are not.
76
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,640
These are their stories.
77
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,860
WOMAN: Wise up now, bruz.
78
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,580
You knew when you joined the unit
79
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,680
that you'd see some things
that would upset you.
80
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,740
This is the only way you'll adapt.
81
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,780
Thanks, brother boys.
We'll take it from here.
82
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,880
Bullshit, Graham.
We were here first.
83
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,900
This is ours.
You think you're King Dick around...
84
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,460
Listen here, right?
85
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,220
I was cracking coconuts while you
were still a snot-nosed chico baby.
86
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,620
This is SCU jurisdiction -
you know it and I know it.
87
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,300
So, you and your girlfriend here
get out of my crime scene,
88
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,940
get back out on the street,
89
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,020
or I'll have you back at the co-op
90
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,120
mixing cordial
for the Elders' next luncheon!
91
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,260
Cordial?!
It's not worth it, bruz.
92
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,380
Yeah, that's right -
I'm not worth it.
93
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,720
I AM it!
94
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,280
You little shit-kickers
have been living off the rep
95
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,200
we built in the '80s.
96
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,820
Eh? We did real Blakforce work!
97
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,420
We put the 'black' and 'force'
in Blakforce
98
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,860
with capital 'B', 'K', 'F'.
99
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,360
Buh-la-K-FOR-ce!
100
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,960
Now, get out of here. Go on, get!
101
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,840
Later, bruz.
102
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,340
Well, well, well.
Look what we got here.
103
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:05,300
Got a Code 42, 57, and a 93B.
104
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,220
Yeah. What's that?
105
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,100
Gentrification
with intent to assimilate,
106
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,020
profiting from coconut activities,
107
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,440
and thinking he's deadly
when he's not.
108
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,340
Dog!
109
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,680
Why did you join SCU?
110
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,340
I wanted to make a difference,
and I joined...
111
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,740
I know who you are
and I know what you do.
112
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,860
You wouldn't be here
if I didn't want you here.
113
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,580
I asked you why.
114
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,000
'Cause I'm sick of these coconuts
making us look like dickheads!
115
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,740
(Laughs) Is that right?
116
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:39,240
Shit! I didn't think they made
blackfellas like you anymore.
117
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,160
So, something like this
wouldn't bother you?
118
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,340
What's this?
It's a cheese knife.
119
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,440
It only cuts cheese.
120
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,140
(Aerosol hisses)
Arggh!
121
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:05,440
(Laughs) It's sandalwood.
It's his calling card.
122
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,380
So, what we're looking at here
is the work of the Renovator.
123
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,220
The Renovator?
Mmm.
124
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,060
Look at this place!
125
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,500
Fully furnished
and ready to go on the market.
126
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,100
What's sick is that
he's paid for everything.
127
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,900
None of this is on finance.
What?!
128
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,940
Look, bruz, this is
the third residence in two months.
129
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,040
The cooling-off period
is getting shorter.
130
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,100
He's got the taste for it,
131
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,840
and he's not gonna stop making things
better for himself until we stop him.
132
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,120
Right, bruz?
Let's go crack this coconut.
133
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,220
Oooh! Ah!
134
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,320
(Mobile phone rings)
135
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,460
(Sighs)
136
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,260
Eyah, slut!
What, slut?
137
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,100
I'm ringing to... apologise.
138
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,940
(Huffs) Who's this?
Oh, you know who this is!
139
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,940
Oh, Big Budhoo Troy.
Nothing even happened!
140
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,540
Oh, what's that?
141
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,620
I can't even hear you over all the
sloppy noises your hole is making!
142
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,720
Nothing even happened!
143
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,800
Oh! What is it you want, anyway?
I'm trying to work.
144
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,820
I have a... a surprise for you.
145
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,460
Oh! What surprise?
146
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,420
(Doorbell rings)
147
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:18,120
That better not be you at the door!
I hate sluts coming to my house!
148
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,780
Where's Big Budhoo Troy?
149
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:31,180
Oh! Well, probably playing
with his big budhoo.
150
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,100
Oh, so, you didn't poke, then?
That's what I was trying to say.
151
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,320
Well, you want to try harder.
You wouldn't let me.
152
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,780
Oh, I'm letting you!
Well, let me take you out, then.
153
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,300
Oh! Take me where?
Where do you want to go?
154
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,980
Somewhere that cost a lot of money.
155
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,540
How much money?
156
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,940
Biggest mob money! Can you afford me?
157
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,220
What's this, then, slut?
(Gasps) What's this, then, slut?
158
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,260
I thought I was paying for it, slut.
I know, slut.
159
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,080
Well, let's just go, then, slut.
OK, slut!
160
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,700
Move, sluts!
161
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,240
My man taking me out!
162
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:19,660
Oh! (Sighs) This is so confusing.
163
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,380
What?
164
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,300
This... this question 2.
165
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,040
Let's take a rest for a little bit.
166
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,360
So, do... do you like stuff?
167
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,300
What was that?
168
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,680
Uh, I have to go!
I'll see you tomorrow.
169
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,000
OK! I'm going!
170
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,860
GRAHAM: Listen, just make it happen.
171
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,460
Yeah, make it happen!
172
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,540
What was that about?
Squad car.
173
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,580
Here's your long black.
174
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,740
But what did you want me to buy
the soy decaf latte for?
175
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,420
You're gonna drink it.
(Laughs)
176
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,640
Yeah, that was a good one,
that was a good one.
177
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,620
To catch a coconut, you gotta live
like a coconut, think like a coconut.
178
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,460
Now, drink it.
Nah!
179
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,240
I joined the division to stop
this shit. I'm not drinking this!
180
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,420
This is not an option,
Detective Nathan! Now, drink.
181
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,940
You're fucking serious, aren't you?
Yeah.
182
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,040
Drink it.
183
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,800
That's it. Knock it back, bruz.
184
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,340
You feel that?
That's the soy in your system.
185
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,380
Whoo! (Laughs)
186
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,460
(Gags)
My brother! Hey!
187
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,940
Let's have some tunes.
188
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,820
RADIO: SOFT ROCK
189
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,060
Oh! What's... what's this?!
Turn it off!
190
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,620
Oh, this is... Oh, no!
191
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,700
(Coughs)
192
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,500
You gotta desensitise.
Oh, I feel sick!
193
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,980
This is wrong! (Coughs)
194
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:11,020
(Two-way radio chatter)
195
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,340
Car 173. We're on it.
196
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,780
(Coughs) What was that?
197
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,880
Another house.
198
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,480
Dad?
199
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,020
Yes, son?
200
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,680
Do you know how we saw we're black?
201
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,360
Yes, son?
202
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,480
Why do we say we're black
when we're actually brown?
203
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,260
And why do we call white people
'white'
204
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,440
if they're actually pink?
205
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,280
They're more of a peach,
don't you reckon?
206
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,760
Yeah. Yeah.
207
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,700
So, guys, the new brief
has come through,
208
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,180
and... it's a tricky one.
209
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,660
We've been asked to rebrand...
210
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,140
..Aboriginal.
211
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,660
Come again?
212
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,900
Aboriginality apparently needs
an overhaul because it's dated.
213
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,540
It's old. It's trying to sell,
but nobody's buying it.
214
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:33,000
Selling Aboriginal - I mean,
that's like advertising suicide.
215
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,780
If we can sell Aboriginals,
we can sell anything.
216
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,100
True.
217
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,660
So, ideas. Come at me.
218
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,940
Consumer-created content's
really big right now.
219
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,580
What if we could get people
to, like, upload a video
220
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:52,580
with hashtag 'favourite Aboriginal'
for their chance to win...
221
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,220
Win what?
(Sighs) No idea.
222
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,960
Fake viral video. Yeah, spreads
through social media like wildfire.
223
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,040
Maximum growth. Bam, easy.
224
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,580
Yeah, so, we did a search on most
commonly used Aboriginal terms.
225
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:05,980
We got a lot of Abo memes
226
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,660
and videos of people fighting
Aboriginal people on trains.
227
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,080
Alright, alright, so, steer clear
of anything linked to reality.
228
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,180
Correct! That's right.
What about black?
229
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,700
It's the new black!
230
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,780
Yeah, look,
I wanna be blunt with you there.
231
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,620
The market research has come back
232
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,580
and it just seems that the most
common issue with the feedback,
233
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,700
it's, um... it is the colour.
234
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,420
Yeah, black. It's just... it's not
selling. People don't like it.
235
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,000
Nothing good ever came
in a black package, let's be honest.
236
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,780
Yep. So, no more black.
237
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,620
If we're gonna sell Aboriginality,
238
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,820
we need to steer clear
of the whole colour thing.
239
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,300
So, we've got to stick
with the concept of Aboriginality.
240
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,700
Yeah, exactly, exactly - the concept.
So, let's think Aboriginal!
241
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,800
What do you think of
when you think Aboriginal?
242
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,500
Well, they like the outdoors.
243
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,560
Eugh! (Clicks tongue)
Makes people think of parks.
244
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,160
They're friendly.
Yeah, when they're asking for money.
245
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,340
Oldest living civilisation!
Boring!
246
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,980
(Groans)
Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
247
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,080
We get a spokesperson, yeah?
248
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,560
Someone to speak on behalf
of the Aboriginal people.
249
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,360
Cathy Freeman?
Dated.
250
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,640
That's, like, 15 years ago. What
have you done for us lately, Cath?
251
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,260
Adam Goodes!
Too threatening with the...
252
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:09,940
Mmm, yeah, look, these are all good,
253
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,100
but I think at the end of the day,
they're just not white enough.
254
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,280
Well, the only reason
Aboriginal people are black
255
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,220
is because other people are white.
256
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,980
It's instantly separating.
That's true.
257
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,500
Yeah, so, perhaps what we need to do
258
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,980
is combine Aboriginality and white
as one.
259
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,800
So, when you think Aboriginal,
you think white.
260
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,300
Yes!
Yes, exactly, but not just white.
261
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,780
They think... they think cool!
262
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,820
They think sexy, fun, fresh, new.
263
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,300
Aspirational!
264
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,400
White - it's the new black.
265
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,880
I like that! Oh, I like it.
266
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,200
Aboriginal.
(All laugh)
267
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,200
DANCE MUSIC
268
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,360
Aboriginal.
269
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,040
Aboriginal.
270
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,480
Aboriginal.
271
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,320
So... what do you think?
272
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,800
Look at this place. Immaculate!
273
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,660
He's taunting us.
274
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,760
I'll be fucked.
275
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,740
(Sniffs)
276
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,840
What's that smell?
277
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,600
It's new paint and sawdust.
278
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,620
This place is fresh.
279
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,340
(Sniffs)
280
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,460
Here - Vicks.
281
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,940
Put some under your nose
and rub some on your chest.
282
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,040
You sound like
you're coming down with a cold.
283
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,900
Nah, I know sawdust and paint,
284
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,400
but this... this is something else.
285
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,900
(Sniffs)
286
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,900
No Lucozade, no Mylanta.
287
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,240
Nothing but soy milk
and this green shit.
288
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,420
(Spits) That's kale.
289
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,200
I've only heard about this.
That is one sick coconut.
290
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,180
(Sniffs)
291
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,280
(Power tools whirr)
292
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,820
Arggh!
Who do you work for?!
293
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:54,980
I... I...
294
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,700
Who... do... you... work... for?
295
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,300
Oh, uh...
296
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,460
Don't... go... play-ing... games...
with... me!
297
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,860
I... am... not...
to... be... toyed... with.
298
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,540
Now... who... do... you... work...
299
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,980
OK, OK!
Stop slapping the shit out of me!
300
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,540
He calls himself Ron - Ron Vader!
301
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,340
He only calls me for jobs.
I've never met him!
302
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,440
All I can tell you is he sounds...
303
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,640
Detective Nathan,
you've proven your point.
304
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,700
We can't pinch him for doing his job.
305
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,740
He sounds kind of like...
306
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,840
Shut up, scumbag!
307
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,120
He's not the king coconut.
He's just the husk.
308
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,740
So, Ginny...
309
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,380
..I hear there was a bit of
an incident at bingo the other day.
310
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,060
Oh, you mean
with Jane Arsehole Bitch Kerrigan?
311
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,860
Ooh-ah! Why, what happened?
312
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,420
Hang on,
who Jane Arsehole Bitch Kerrigan?
313
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,980
Oh, you know.
314
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,700
That arsehole bitch who slept with my
dear Pete three years before he died.
315
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,660
Oh, that was 25 years ago!
27.
316
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,140
Well, that makes 30!
317
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,020
And she's as much of an arsehole
bitch now as she was back then.
318
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,660
Well, what happened?
319
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,980
Well, you know I go to bingo
every day except Monday.
320
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,260
Why not Monday?
Oh, come on! I'm not greedy!
321
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,100
Oh, I love your self-control, Ginny.
Oh, I know.
322
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,180
Anyway, I go to bingo on Saturday,
and who should be there?
323
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,340
Arsehole bitch?
Yeah!
324
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,140
Decides to turn up
with a group of slut friends.
325
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,240
I think they're from a church group,
326
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,260
so they shouldn't even be gambling
in the first place.
327
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,360
Well, don't you go to church?
328
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,300
Do you wanna hear the story or not?
Yes. Sorry, Ginny. Go on.
329
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,460
Well, here I am,
a devout bingo player,
330
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,900
and up turns Jane Arsehole Bitch
Kerrigan and her slut friends -
331
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,940
all of whom, I might add,
never come to bingo - ever!
332
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,780
Gigglin' and carryin' on about how
they don't know what they're doing,
333
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,220
distracting us serious players.
334
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,860
Anyway, listening to their shit
for three hours,
335
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,340
what should happen?
336
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,020
That novice mole,
she wins the major jackpot!
337
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,980
(Dramatic music)
338
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,260
On one sheet! I was not happy,
Marcia! I was not happy.
339
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,780
I can see why, Ginny.
So what happened?
340
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,100
Well, after she collected
her winnings,
341
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,500
I went up to her and I told her.
342
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,180
I said, 'If you were truly sorry
for sleeping with my dear Pete
343
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,660
all those years ago,'
she'd go halves in her winnings.
344
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,940
And what'd she say to that?
Nah!
345
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,860
Said she'd paid her dues
346
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,460
after she helped pay
for Pete's funeral as an apology!
347
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,560
Oooh, I forgot about that.
348
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,420
But youse were right after that, eh?
349
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,380
Oh, we were, until that bitch
won my jackpot!
350
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,140
Jeez, you're deadly, Ginny.
351
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,320
More people should
have morals like you.
352
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,000
(Both tut)
353
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,500
I don't think I'm cut out for this,
Aunty.
354
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,740
I may as well go kill myself.
355
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,620
Here, knock off!
Don't go talking like that.
356
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:55,660
Nah.
357
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,760
This is next level.
358
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,340
I don't think I'm cut out for it.
359
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,740
What you need is a two-piece feed,
bruz.
360
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,040
You got that soy in your system.
You're not thinkin' straight.
361
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,760
You know that coconuts
kill more people than pit bulls?
362
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,860
It's in the nature of the coconut
to fall
363
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,820
and it's our job
to protect the people.
364
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,860
We're like the helmet
of the community.
365
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,620
Now, you think about that.
366
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,820
I'm gonna go back here
and get us a feed
367
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,040
and you think about
whether you want to be a helmet
368
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,200
or you want someone dead on a beach.
369
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,320
(Car door slams, mobile phone chimes)
Graham, your phone!
370
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,640
'Perkies Hardware, two-day
renovation sale this weekend.'
371
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,960
Sandalwood?
372
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,040
It's Graham!
373
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,880
Graham's the coconut!
374
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,180
Oh! I've just been hit by a car.
375
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,480
Well, now you know
how Aboriginal people feel!
376
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,240
Oh!
377
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,240
Dad?
378
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,520
Yes, son?
379
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,840
Would I look funny
if I had short hair?
380
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,100
I don't know, son.
Ask your Uncle Jimmy.
381
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,200
Uh...
382
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,640
..maybe later.
383
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,320
Yeah, good idea, son.
384
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,600
Yeah.
385
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,140
Oi!
Freezing my tits off up here, bruz.
386
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,240
They've shrivelled up
like an old jujube berry.
387
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,420
What you gonna drag me up here for?
388
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,580
It's you. You coconut!
389
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,340
Here, don't go talking like that,
now. You respect your elders!
390
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,780
Why?
Why what?
391
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,260
You're not right, cuz.
You're still feeling that soy.
392
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:32,740
Come down to the smoko room, eh?
393
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,880
I saw the photos on your phone
and the quotes from the tradies.
394
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,860
You had the fucking sandalwood in
the fucking car, Aunt! Why?! Why?!
395
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,220
'Cause I wanted more!
Haven't you wanted more?
396
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,320
Not when it comes to community,
Aunty.
397
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,280
You've gone too far.
You were the best.
398
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,960
Everyone talked about you.
We all wanted to be you!
399
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,460
I've been cracking coconuts
for ten years - ten frigging years -
400
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,940
what have I got to show for it?
401
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,820
A bloody polo shirt
from an AGM conference.
402
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,780
You got too greedy.
How many houses are there?
403
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,340
Friggin' heaps!
404
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:12,200
I got a duplex townhouse on the go
right now! A duplex, bra!
405
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,800
This is first-degree gentrification.
This is serious.
406
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,520
Your proof of Aboriginality is gonna
be taken away for a long time
407
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,440
and they're gonna pull
your black card from you.
408
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,720
(Chuckles) Is that so... big shot?
409
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,580
Well, hero, who's gonna believe you?
410
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,060
It's your word against mine,
411
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,700
and you've got soy
in your system, rookie.
412
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,340
Yeah, well, actually,
it's your word against yours.
413
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,460
(Button clicks)
414
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,300
GRAHAM, ON RECORDING: I got a duplex
townhouse on the go right now!
415
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,400
A duplex, bra...
(Button clicks)
416
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,260
You dirty little so-and-so.
417
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,900
If it wasn't for me,
418
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,500
you black bastards would be selling
dot paintings at the market.
419
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,760
You'd be working at the co-op!
Yeah, that's right - youth program.
420
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,420
You'd be driving those friggin' kids
to the ice-skating rink
421
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,060
every school holiday!
422
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,620
Bugger that! Bridging the Gap
ain't got nothing on me.
423
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,260
Get your hands off me!
424
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,340
This ain't the end, Nathan.
425
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,060
There's a whole system dedicated
to letting me go!
426
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,660
I'll get a job network provider
and I'll get back on!
427
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,060
You'll see! You'll keep!
Take her away, boys.
428
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,820
Yeah, I'm not frightened! You bring
your mother and your sister!
429
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,940
I'll fight youse all!
Don't you know who I am?!
430
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,260
I'm Graham! Detective Graham!
431
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,760
(Graham shouts indistinctly)
432
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,100
And Graham - where is she?
433
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,180
She's still in interrogation.
She hasn't said a word.
434
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,660
Really?
435
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,080
She's a hard coconut to crack.
436
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,560
Alright, brother, thanks.
437
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,200
Graham.
438
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,240
Nathan.
439
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,880
You know that you can get
every episode of Scrubs inside?
440
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,800
Small victory, considering
Grey's Anatomy is contraband.
441
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,800
And I'm not imagining the sheets
are going to have
442
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,280
a three-figure thread count.
443
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,320
Got something to show you.
444
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,640
Two-piece feed, aunt.
Your favourite.
445
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,480
I'm on a paleo diet. (Laughs)
446
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,640
It's gonna take more than
a two-piece feed, bruz! (Laughs)
447
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,720
(Door slams)
448
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,340
(Sniffs)
449
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,960
Oooh! (Laughs)
450
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,280
Captions by CSI Australia
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