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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:36,460 YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE MIGHT SAY 2 00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:39,429 THE GRAND CANYON OR BIG SUR BUT... 3 00:00:39,929 --> 00:00:41,931 I THINK SOME OF THE FINEST VISTAS 4 00:00:41,931 --> 00:00:44,434 TO BE FOUND ANYWHERE IN THESE UNITED STATES 5 00:00:44,434 --> 00:00:46,868 ARE RIGHT HERE IN PITTSBURGH. 6 00:00:47,352 --> 00:00:48,820 LOOKS PRETTY BARREN TO ME. 7 00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:51,223 OH COME ON. THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMEONE 8 00:00:51,707 --> 00:00:54,542 IN THIS VAST PANORAMA OF SWEATY BODIES 9 00:00:54,542 --> 00:00:56,510 YOU'RE JUST DYING TO HAVE REJECT YOU. 10 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:59,480 IT'S NOT THEM. IT'S ME. 11 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,915 IT'S TOO SOON. I'M STILL IN MOURNING. 12 00:01:01,915 --> 00:01:04,918 WELL IT'S TIME TO TAKE OFF THE WIDOW'S WEEDS. 13 00:01:04,918 --> 00:01:08,371 AFTER ALL, EVEN JACKIE MANAGED TO GET UP OFF ALL FOURS, 14 00:01:08,371 --> 00:01:11,874 MARRY SOME RICH OLD MAN AND GO SHOPPING AGAIN. 15 00:01:11,874 --> 00:01:13,375 AT LEAST TRY. 16 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,151 HIM. 17 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,619 WHO? 18 00:01:24,619 --> 00:01:28,071 OVER THERE. THE, UH, RED AND BLUE SHIRT, 19 00:01:28,071 --> 00:01:30,073 BLACK HAIR, BIG BUTTON EYES, 20 00:01:30,073 --> 00:01:32,025 CUTE LITTLE TURNED-UP NOSE. 21 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,526 OH, HE'S ADORABLE. 22 00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,461 HE'S HOT. 23 00:01:35,461 --> 00:01:37,663 HE'S, UH... 24 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,165 MICHAEL! 25 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:40,099 MICHAEL. OH MY GOD. 26 00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,100 HEY. MICHAEL! 27 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,585 HEY! MICHAEL-L-L. 28 00:01:44,085 --> 00:01:44,586 MICHAEL. 29 00:01:48,072 --> 00:01:51,575 IT'S YOU. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 30 00:01:52,076 --> 00:01:53,077 I FIGURED I'D FIND YOU HERE. 31 00:01:53,577 --> 00:01:55,079 HOW'D YOU GUESS? WELL, IT WAS EITHER THIS 32 00:01:55,079 --> 00:01:57,080 OR MIDNIGHT MASS. OH, WELL... SO, YEAH. 33 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,082 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU WERE COMING? 34 00:01:59,082 --> 00:02:00,083 IT WAS A SPUR OF THE MOMENT THING. 35 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:02,568 I, UH... DAVID TOOK HANK CAMPING... 36 00:02:02,568 --> 00:02:06,038 AND SO YOU FIGURED YOU'D DO A LITTLE CAMPING OF YOUR OWN. 37 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:07,539 OH-HO, MAN. 38 00:02:07,539 --> 00:02:09,041 OH, IT'S... OH, LOOK AT YOU. 39 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:11,043 YOU LOOK ADORABLE. 40 00:02:11,492 --> 00:02:12,993 AND HOT! 41 00:02:12,993 --> 00:02:15,963 DOESN'T HE LOOK HOT, TED? 42 00:02:15,963 --> 00:02:17,465 LET'S HAVE A DRINK. 43 00:02:17,465 --> 00:02:18,466 OH, YEAH. COME ON. 44 00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:24,904 SO HOW LONG ARE YOU IN TOWN FOR? 45 00:02:24,904 --> 00:02:26,889 JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SEE YOU GUYS AND... 46 00:02:26,889 --> 00:02:28,390 AND MY MOM AND MY UNCLE VIC... 47 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,309 BRIAN. BRIAN. YEAH. 48 00:02:30,309 --> 00:02:32,311 OH, THERE'S NO POINT IN LOOKING FOR HIM, SWEETIE, 49 00:02:32,311 --> 00:02:33,812 HE'S NOT HERE. 50 00:02:33,812 --> 00:02:36,798 NO, OF COURSE NOT, NOT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED. 51 00:02:37,298 --> 00:02:41,736 HE'S IN THE BACK ROOM. 52 00:02:41,736 --> 00:02:43,737 OH, HEY, TODD, HOW'S IT GOING? 53 00:02:43,737 --> 00:02:58,533 HEY. FINE. 54 00:03:17,316 --> 00:03:18,317 HEY, MIKEY. 55 00:03:18,317 --> 00:03:20,269 IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? 56 00:03:20,269 --> 00:03:22,771 N-NO. COVER YOUR TEETH. 57 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,273 I'VE BEEN E-MAILING YOU AND LEAVING YOU MESSAGES 58 00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:26,708 PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST MONTH 59 00:03:27,209 --> 00:03:27,709 AND YOU NEVER ANSWERED. 60 00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:29,643 BUSY, BUSY. WHAT? 61 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,578 UP TO YOUR OLD TRICKS? 62 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,012 NEVER OLD ONES, 63 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:36,950 AND NEVER THE SAME ONES TWICE. 64 00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:41,404 OKAY, GUYS, YOU CAN TAKE A BREAK. 65 00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:43,890 WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE OKAY. 66 00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:45,891 OH, NOT JUST OKAY. I'M... 67 00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:48,744 I'M FABULOUS. 68 00:03:48,744 --> 00:03:53,748 IN FACT, I'M THE MOST FABULOUS FAG IN PITTSBURGH... 69 00:03:53,748 --> 00:04:00,253 THAT IS IF IT'S POSSIBLE TO BE FABULOUS IN PITTSBURGH. 70 00:04:00,253 --> 00:04:02,756 DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY "E"? 71 00:04:02,756 --> 00:04:04,224 MM-HMM. HERE YOU GO. 72 00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:06,143 TRY IT. HERE. 73 00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:08,611 GO ON, TAKE IT. 74 00:04:08,611 --> 00:04:11,096 SO WHO TOLD YOU I WAS HERE, ROSENCRANZ OR GUILDENSTERN? 75 00:04:11,096 --> 00:04:15,483 I THINK I COULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT ON MY OWN. 76 00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:19,387 OH SHIT! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO NAIL THAT FUCKER ALL NIGHT. 77 00:04:19,888 --> 00:04:26,727 WHEN AM I GOING TO SEE YOU? 78 00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:28,729 I WOULDN'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, SWEETIE. 79 00:04:29,229 --> 00:04:31,230 HE'S CUT HIMSELF OFF FROM EVERYONE. 80 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,733 EVERYONE, THAT IS, EXCEPT FOR EVERY SLUT IN PITTSBURGH 81 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:36,235 WITH A SMOOTH ASS OR A NINEINCH COCK. 82 00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:38,237 SO IN OTHER WORDS, DESPITE WHAT HAPPENED, 83 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,739 IT'S BUSINESS AS USUAL FOR MR. KINNEY. 84 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,242 BUT HEY, WHEN YOUR BOY-TOY GETS BROKEN, 85 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,178 YOU GET ANOTHER TOY. RIGHT? 86 00:04:47,178 --> 00:04:49,680 WELL, HERE WE ARE. HOME, SWEET DUMP. 87 00:04:50,181 --> 00:04:51,682 IT IS SO GREAT TO BE BACK. 88 00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,684 AH, I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR. 89 00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:56,186 AFTER THOSE PHOTOS YOU E-MAILED US OF YOUR NEW PLACE. 90 00:04:56,186 --> 00:04:58,688 WELL, I MAY NOT HAVE A POOL AND AN ATRIUM, 91 00:04:58,688 --> 00:05:00,190 BUT I'VE GOT A STOPPED-UP SINK 92 00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:02,691 AND A HALFDEAD RUBBER TREE PLANT. 93 00:05:02,691 --> 00:05:04,193 HE'S TRYING TO GROW HIS OWN CONDOMS. 94 00:05:06,195 --> 00:05:09,198 OH, BABY, YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY. 95 00:05:09,198 --> 00:05:11,699 YEAH. HANK AND DAVID ARE GETTING VERY CLOSE NOW AND... 96 00:05:11,699 --> 00:05:14,202 AND, UH, WE GET TO DO ALL THESE COOL THINGS TOGETHER. 97 00:05:14,202 --> 00:05:15,703 WE GET TO GO BICYCLING IN FOREST PARK, 98 00:05:15,703 --> 00:05:17,204 AND WE GET TO GO TO CANNON BEACH, 99 00:05:17,704 --> 00:05:20,207 AND, UH, WE'VE MADE SOME REALLY GREAT NEW FRIENDS. 100 00:05:20,207 --> 00:05:23,710 IT'S REALLY... YOU HAVE... FRIENDS? 101 00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:26,212 WELL, THAT'S, UH... THAT'S NICE. 102 00:05:26,212 --> 00:05:28,714 OH, STOP IT. YOU KNOW NOBODY COULD REPLACE YOU GUYS. 103 00:05:28,714 --> 00:05:30,716 HMMM? UH, YEAH, WELL, I'M AFRAID 104 00:05:30,716 --> 00:05:32,218 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REPLACE YOU. 105 00:05:32,218 --> 00:05:33,134 WHAT? 106 00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:35,136 IF I DON'T FIND A NEW ROOMMATE SOON, 107 00:05:35,136 --> 00:05:39,641 I'M GOING TO BE FORCED TO MOVE INTO THE HOME FOR INDIGENT HOMOS. 108 00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:42,526 WELL, HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING? 109 00:05:43,026 --> 00:05:45,913 I'M HERE ABOUT THE ROOM. 110 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:46,914 I'M HERE ABOUT THE ROOM. 111 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:48,915 I'M HERE... 112 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,383 OH, YEAH! 113 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,667 WHOO! 114 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,586 HIGH AND LOW. 115 00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:57,088 ONLY NO ONE, UH... MEASURES UP. 116 00:05:57,088 --> 00:05:59,507 MAYBE YOU NEED TO RETHINK THE INTERVIEW PROCESS. 117 00:05:59,507 --> 00:06:02,010 RIGHT NOW WE HAVE A GUEST. 118 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,445 WELCOME HOME, BABY. 119 00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:22,844 MMMM. 120 00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:27,348 CRUMMY NIGHT? 121 00:06:29,350 --> 00:06:32,353 HELL, WHAT'S A LITTLE RAIN? 122 00:06:32,353 --> 00:06:34,854 HOW ABOUT SOME HOT TEA? 123 00:06:34,854 --> 00:06:40,360 OR I COULD, UH, FIX YOU UP SOME OF THAT, UH, SOUP IN A CUP, 124 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:43,862 ALTHOUGH IT'S GOT ENOUGH SODIUM TO STIFF A HORSE. 125 00:06:45,364 --> 00:06:46,865 OH, BY THE WAY, MIGUEL, YOU KNOW, UH, 126 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,367 THE ONE WHO'S HERE TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS, 127 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,351 HE WAS TOSSING THE BALL WITH HIM TODAY. 128 00:06:50,852 --> 00:06:53,855 YEAH, SAID HIS HAND WAS IMPROVING. 129 00:06:53,855 --> 00:06:56,858 BUT HE STILL HAS THESE OUTBURSTS WHEN HE GETS FRUSTRATED. 130 00:06:57,358 --> 00:06:58,859 WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN GIVE HIM. 131 00:06:58,859 --> 00:07:01,295 OH, DRUGS CAN'T FIX EVERYTHING. 132 00:07:01,795 --> 00:07:04,748 WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT? 133 00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:07,216 IF YOU ASK ME... 134 00:07:07,216 --> 00:07:09,218 WHAT WOULD HELP HIM THE MOST 135 00:07:09,218 --> 00:07:11,721 IS IF HE KNEW THAT YOU CAME HERE EVERY... 136 00:07:12,221 --> 00:07:13,205 NO! 137 00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:17,125 UH-UH-UH-UM. 138 00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:20,578 UH, NO. 139 00:07:21,078 --> 00:07:33,573 WHO MADE UP THE FUCKING RULE THAT YOU CAN'T SMOKE IN A HOSPITAL? 140 00:07:33,573 --> 00:07:36,575 COME AND GIVE YOUR MOTHER A HUG. 141 00:07:36,575 --> 00:07:39,044 PROMISE TO LET ME GO THIS TIME? 142 00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:40,479 EAGLE SCOUT'S HONOUR. 143 00:07:40,479 --> 00:07:41,980 AND THEY'RE ALL FAGS, YOU KNOW. 144 00:07:43,982 --> 00:07:47,401 MY BABY! 145 00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:50,404 CHRIST! 146 00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:51,906 YOU'RE A FUCKING SKELETON. 147 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:52,872 WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN EATING 148 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,374 OUT THERE? NUTS AND BERRIES? 149 00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,345 I CAN SEE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FATTEN YOU UP. 150 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,829 I'M GOING TO GET YOU THE BUTCH BOTTOM SPECIAL, HUH? 151 00:08:00,829 --> 00:08:02,331 STACK-O-JACKS. JACKS. 152 00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:03,782 DOUBLE SAUSAGE AND EGGS, 153 00:08:03,782 --> 00:08:05,284 A BIG SLICE OF CHERRY PIE A LA MODE. 154 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:08,286 RIGHT. DOUBLE B-S FOR MY KID. 155 00:08:08,286 --> 00:08:09,787 ARE YOU TRYING TO FATTEN ME UP OR GIVE ME A STROKE? 156 00:08:09,787 --> 00:08:11,789 WHAT'S ALL THIS? 157 00:08:11,789 --> 00:08:13,241 CHRIS HOBBS' SENTENCING IS NEXT WEEK. 158 00:08:13,741 --> 00:08:15,726 THE JUDGE IS A REAL ASSHOLE. 159 00:08:15,726 --> 00:08:17,728 YEAH, WE'RE CALLING EVERYBODY WE CAN. 160 00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:19,229 P-FLAGers, ACLUers. 161 00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:21,732 WE'RE GOING TO PACK THAT COURTROOM. 162 00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:23,232 MAKE SURE HE KNOWS WE'RE HOLDING HIM ACCOUNTABLE. 163 00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:26,235 JUSTIN'S VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU LOOKING AFTER HIM. 164 00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:28,671 WELL, THAT'S MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT YOUR FUCKING FRIEND. 165 00:08:28,671 --> 00:08:30,156 HE HASN'T BEEN TO SEE HIM ONCE. 166 00:08:30,156 --> 00:08:31,656 EVERY TIME WE VISIT JUSTIN, 167 00:08:31,656 --> 00:08:33,658 ALL HE EVER ASKS IS, "WHERE'S BRIAN?" 168 00:08:33,658 --> 00:08:35,643 GETTING HIS DICK SUCKED, THAT'S WHERE'S BRIAN. 169 00:08:35,643 --> 00:08:38,029 I'M NOT STICKING UP FOR HIM. 170 00:08:38,029 --> 00:08:40,531 BUT MAYBE IT'S LIKE THOSE VIETNAM VETS 171 00:08:40,531 --> 00:08:41,532 WHO WITNESSED ALL THOSE ATROCITIES. 172 00:08:41,532 --> 00:08:46,003 IT'S JUST TOO PAINFUL FOR HIM TO FACE. 173 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,504 WHAT? SEEING A POOR, HURT KID? 174 00:08:48,504 --> 00:08:51,007 YOU WEREN'T THERE THAT NIGHT. YOU DIDN'T SEE BRIAN... 175 00:08:51,007 --> 00:08:54,459 IN SHOCK, WITH ALL THAT BLOOD ALL OVER HIM. 176 00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,879 IT'S LIKE HE HAD THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM TOO. 177 00:08:57,879 --> 00:09:02,249 IF YOU ASK ME, HE'S STILL AN ASSHOLE. 178 00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:04,752 OKAY, I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GET TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR. 179 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,253 YEAH, GET OUR HAIR DONE. 180 00:09:06,253 --> 00:09:07,755 GET OUR MANICURES. PICK UP OUR DRESSES. 181 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,756 BE READY WHEN OUR DATES ARRIVE. 182 00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:12,258 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 183 00:09:12,258 --> 00:09:15,261 DID SOMETHING HAPPEN WHILE I WAS GONE THAT I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? 184 00:09:15,261 --> 00:09:17,763 DON'T WORRY, MICHAEL. WE'RE STILL LESBIANS. 185 00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:18,764 OH, WHOO! 186 00:09:18,764 --> 00:09:20,682 IT'S MY SISTER'S WEDDING. 187 00:09:20,682 --> 00:09:22,684 AND THE LESS SAID, THE BETTER. 188 00:09:23,185 --> 00:09:24,686 RIGHT. YEAH. 189 00:09:24,686 --> 00:09:25,686 HERE, BONE-BUTT. 190 00:09:25,686 --> 00:09:29,190 START ON THESE. 191 00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:32,460 OH, MMM-WAH. 192 00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:33,477 COFFEE. 193 00:09:33,477 --> 00:09:39,416 COFFEE. 194 00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:42,918 DOES HE ALWAYS PUSH HIMSELF THIS HARD? 195 00:09:42,918 --> 00:09:44,870 EVEN WHEN HE WAS A KID, 196 00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:49,824 HE WAS S... SO DETERMINED TO RIDE HIS TWO-WHEELER. 197 00:09:49,824 --> 00:09:51,326 HE FELL A HUNDRED TIMES. 198 00:09:51,826 --> 00:09:53,294 HIS KNEES WERE A BLOODY MESS, BUT... 199 00:09:53,294 --> 00:09:59,783 HE KEPT AT IT TILL HE LEARNED HOW TO STAY UP. 200 00:10:00,284 --> 00:10:01,785 HE HASN'T CHANGED. 201 00:10:02,286 --> 00:10:05,288 IF HE WANTS SOMETHING, HE WON'T STOP TILL HE GETS IT. 202 00:10:05,288 --> 00:10:06,789 WELL, WHATEVER IT IS NOW 203 00:10:06,789 --> 00:10:08,791 THAT'S MAKING HIM WANT TO STAY ON TOP, 204 00:10:08,791 --> 00:10:09,792 IT'S PAID OFF. 205 00:10:10,293 --> 00:10:12,711 I'M SENDING HIM HOME. 206 00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:13,712 THAT'S WONDERFUL. 207 00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:18,617 FUCK! SHIT! 208 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,117 ARE YOU SURE HE'S READY? 209 00:10:20,117 --> 00:10:22,086 I WANT TO SEE HIM HERE THREE TIMES A WEEK 210 00:10:22,086 --> 00:10:25,022 FOR THE NEXT MONTH FOR OUTPATIENT THERAPY. 211 00:10:25,022 --> 00:10:32,479 AND CALL ME IF THERE'S A PROBLEM. 212 00:10:42,453 --> 00:10:44,455 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT. 213 00:10:44,455 --> 00:10:46,457 I'M DRESSED FOR A FUCKING FUNERAL. 214 00:10:46,457 --> 00:10:48,960 CLOSE TO IT. HETERO WEDDING. 215 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,961 CAN'T YOU TWO GIVE UP BABYLON FOR ONE NIGHT? 216 00:10:50,961 --> 00:10:53,463 I DID, AND LOOK. I'M HAVING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. 217 00:10:59,802 --> 00:11:04,306 OH. WELL, IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STRAIGHT. YOU COULD... 218 00:11:04,306 --> 00:11:05,757 REALLY SCORE BIG TIME. 219 00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:07,709 IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE 220 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,711 BUT IN THIS PARALLEL UNIVERSE, YOU'RE ACTUALLY HOT. 221 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,147 WOO-HOO, LUCKY ME. 222 00:11:12,147 --> 00:11:14,114 PINK CHAMPAGNE. YEAH. 223 00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:16,049 UM, YEAH, THAT'S TOO NELLY EVEN FOR ME. 224 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,535 NOT BAD... 225 00:11:18,535 --> 00:11:20,037 FOR A DOUCHE. 226 00:11:20,037 --> 00:11:21,020 LOOK, I'M SORRY 227 00:11:21,521 --> 00:11:22,989 TO MAKE YOU PRETEND TO BE OUR DATES BUT... 228 00:11:22,989 --> 00:11:26,959 LYNNETTE INSISTED MEL AND I NOT DRAW ATTENTION TO OURSELVES. 229 00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:28,427 WHAT DID SHE THINK WE WERE GOING TO DO? 230 00:11:28,427 --> 00:11:30,412 PERFORM CUNNILINGUS ON TOP OF THE WEDDING CAKE? 231 00:11:30,412 --> 00:11:31,913 I PROMISED WE'D FOLLOW WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 232 00:11:32,397 --> 00:11:34,833 YEAH, WELL I'VE READ "MISS MANNERS" COVER TO COVER, 233 00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:38,335 AND NOWHERE DOES IT STATE THAT ONE MUST SUBJUGATE ONE'S SEXUALITY 234 00:11:38,335 --> 00:11:42,256 EVEN... AT THE BRIDE'S REQUEST. 235 00:11:42,256 --> 00:11:44,691 WOW, IS HE HOT! COME BACK HERE. 236 00:11:44,691 --> 00:11:46,659 WHAT'S HER POSITION ON FUCKING USHERS? 237 00:11:46,659 --> 00:11:47,660 PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE. 238 00:11:48,161 --> 00:11:50,597 PREFERABLY NOT DURING THE CEREMONY. 239 00:11:50,597 --> 00:11:52,097 THERE SHE IS. AH, DADDY. 240 00:11:52,097 --> 00:11:54,032 AH, THERE'S MY GIRL. 241 00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:56,518 WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU. 242 00:11:56,518 --> 00:11:57,519 HELLO, MELANIE. 243 00:11:57,519 --> 00:11:59,954 MR. AND MRS. PETERSEN. 244 00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:01,939 THIS IS TED, EMMETT. 245 00:12:01,939 --> 00:12:02,907 HOW DO YOU DO? 246 00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:06,344 WE'RE THEIR BEARDS. 247 00:12:06,344 --> 00:12:08,345 YOU, UH, READY FOR "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"? 248 00:12:08,345 --> 00:12:11,348 AGAIN. OH, RON, STOP. 249 00:12:11,348 --> 00:12:13,350 WELL, DON'T TELL ME, NANCY, TELL LYNNETTE. 250 00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:15,851 UH, THREE WEDDINGS IN FIVE YEARS IS... 251 00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:17,803 THIS IS THE LAST ONE I'M PAYING FOR. 252 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,806 THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID THE LAST TIME. 253 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,224 MR. PETERSEN. 254 00:12:23,224 --> 00:12:25,226 OH... OH, THERE'S OUR CUE. 255 00:12:25,226 --> 00:12:36,086 SHALL WE TAKE OUR POSITIONS? 256 00:12:42,975 --> 00:12:47,429 I LEFT YOU FOUR MESSAGES. 257 00:12:47,429 --> 00:12:56,437 I TOLD YOU, BUSY, BUSY. 258 00:12:56,437 --> 00:12:58,939 WANT SOME DINNER? 259 00:12:58,939 --> 00:13:00,424 THIS IS DINNER? 260 00:13:00,925 --> 00:13:02,926 IT'S JUST THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF A HEALTHY DIET; 261 00:13:03,426 --> 00:13:04,427 SALT, SATURATED FAT, 262 00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:05,895 ALCOHOL. 263 00:13:05,895 --> 00:13:06,846 I'M NEVER EATING AGAIN. 264 00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:08,348 MY MOM PRACTICALLY FORCE-FED ME 265 00:13:08,348 --> 00:13:09,848 THE ENTIRE LIBERTY DINER MENU. 266 00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:11,283 WELL, WHO TOLD YOU TO EAT IT? 267 00:13:11,283 --> 00:13:12,718 WELL, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? 268 00:13:12,718 --> 00:13:15,137 SAY NO. 269 00:13:15,137 --> 00:13:16,138 YOU KNOW IT MAKES HER HAPPY. 270 00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:17,605 THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 271 00:13:17,605 --> 00:13:18,606 PROOF POSITIVE 272 00:13:19,106 --> 00:13:20,091 THAT MAKING OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY 273 00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,093 CAN CAUSE NAUSEA, 274 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,045 SEVERE CRAMPS, EVEN DIARRHEA. 275 00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:32,552 GOT ANY TUMS? 276 00:13:32,552 --> 00:13:34,553 YOU KNOW WHAT TUMS IS SPELLED BACKWARDS? 277 00:13:35,054 --> 00:13:39,558 SMUT! SMUT! 278 00:13:39,558 --> 00:13:41,559 WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE? I TOLD YOU, 279 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,561 I LEFT YOU A BUNCH OF MESSAGES, AND YOU NEVER CALLED ME BACK. 280 00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:46,064 I-I MEAN, OUT OF ALL THE HOLIDAY DESTINATIONS YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN... 281 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:50,033 IBIZA, PUERTA VALLARTA, SIX FLAGS OVER FUCKING TULSA, 282 00:13:50,033 --> 00:13:53,537 WHY THE PITTS? I MISSED IT. IT'S MY HOME. 283 00:13:53,537 --> 00:13:55,539 NOT ANY MORE IT'S NOT. YOU'RE JUST A VISITOR HERE NOW. 284 00:13:55,539 --> 00:14:00,543 JUST A SIGHTSEER OF YOUR FORMER LIFE. 285 00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:03,546 SO NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN YOUR MOM AND THE BOYS AND ME, 286 00:14:03,546 --> 00:14:05,997 WHO'S NEXT ON THE TOUR? 287 00:14:05,997 --> 00:14:09,451 I THOUGHT I'D GO SEE JUSTIN. 288 00:14:09,951 --> 00:14:11,952 HOW'S HE DOING? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? 289 00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:13,454 WELL, YOU WOULD IF YOU WENT TO SEE HIM. 290 00:14:13,454 --> 00:14:14,955 HOW ABOUT YOU COMING WITH ME? WHAT FOR? 291 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,924 IT MIGHT MAKE HIM HAPPY. 292 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,375 I JUST TOLD YOU, MAKING OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY 293 00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:19,876 CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. 294 00:14:19,876 --> 00:14:21,377 SO CAN MAKING YOURSELF MISERABLE. 295 00:14:21,377 --> 00:14:26,882 LOOK, SAVE THE WORRIED WIFE ROUTINE FOR THE DOC... 296 00:14:26,882 --> 00:14:28,884 AND, UH, COME WITH ME TO WOODY'S. 297 00:14:28,884 --> 00:14:30,385 I DON'T WANT TO... 298 00:14:30,385 --> 00:14:31,887 I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WOODY'S. COME ON. 299 00:14:31,887 --> 00:14:34,889 IT'S PART OF THE TOUR. 300 00:14:34,889 --> 00:14:37,892 ON YOUR LEFT, A NOSTALGIC RECREATION OF YOUR MISSPENT YOUTH. 301 00:14:37,892 --> 00:14:40,895 YOU'LL LOVE IT. UH... 302 00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:44,898 YEAH, SURE. 303 00:14:44,898 --> 00:15:21,296 I STINK. I NEED A SHOWER. 304 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:22,797 WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT JUSTIN'S CONDITION? 305 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:25,800 WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO JUSTIN? 306 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,786 IS HE ALL RIGHT? HAVE YOU SEEN HIM? 307 00:15:27,786 --> 00:15:29,787 OW, SHIT! 308 00:15:29,787 --> 00:15:31,288 MRS. TAYLOR, IS JUSTIN ALL RIGHT? 309 00:15:31,288 --> 00:15:33,290 WILL YOU BE GOING TO THE SENTENCING? 310 00:15:33,290 --> 00:15:35,709 JESUS CHRIST, WHAT WAS THAT? 311 00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:37,710 THEY WERE WAITING FOR US WHEN WE GOT HOME. 312 00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:39,712 SOMEONE FROM THE HOSPITAL MUST HAVE TOLD THEM 313 00:15:39,712 --> 00:15:42,215 JUSTIN WAS BEING RELEASED. 314 00:15:42,215 --> 00:15:44,217 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 315 00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:47,219 WHAT? OH, JESUS. 316 00:15:47,219 --> 00:15:49,221 SOME ASSHOLE OUT THERE BUMPED INTO ME 317 00:15:49,221 --> 00:15:51,223 AND MADE ME SPILL MY MARINARA ALL OVER MYSELF. 318 00:15:51,723 --> 00:15:53,724 IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO ON THE ANGEL HAIR, NOT YOU. 319 00:15:53,724 --> 00:15:56,227 OH. WAIT TILL YOU SEE ALL THE SUPPORTERS 320 00:15:56,227 --> 00:15:58,229 WE HAVE GOT COMING TO THE COURTROOM. 321 00:15:58,229 --> 00:16:01,231 UH, DEBBIE, I... JUST BROUGHT JUSTIN HOME. 322 00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:04,684 I CAN'T SUBJECT HIM TO ALL THAT. 323 00:16:04,684 --> 00:16:08,687 OH, SURE. I UNDERSTAND. 324 00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:10,689 WHOA! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO ALL THIS TROUBLE. 325 00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:12,691 IT'S... IT WASN'T ANY TROUBLE. 326 00:16:12,691 --> 00:16:14,693 SHE COOKED IT. 327 00:16:14,693 --> 00:16:16,194 I MADE JUSTIN'S FAVOURITE, 328 00:16:16,194 --> 00:16:18,196 CHICKEN PARMIGIANA. WELL, 329 00:16:18,196 --> 00:16:20,698 I'M SURE HE'S GOING TO LOVE IT, IF I CAN JUST GET HIM TO EAT. 330 00:16:20,698 --> 00:16:22,200 OF COURSE HE'LL EAT. 331 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,586 OF COURSE I'LL EAT. 332 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:30,457 SUNSHINE! 333 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,458 SWEETHEART, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING A NAP. 334 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:33,459 EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? 335 00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,928 I'M FINE. 336 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:36,929 DON'T I LOOK IT? 337 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,414 GOOD AS NEW. 338 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,914 AH, BETTER. 339 00:16:39,914 --> 00:16:43,802 HUH. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. 340 00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,303 YOU KNOW, I HAVE PRAYED... 341 00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:47,287 OH, FOR THIS MOMENT, 342 00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:51,275 TO SEE YOU STANDING THERE... 343 00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:56,129 TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. 344 00:16:56,129 --> 00:16:58,631 SHIT! HUH. 345 00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:01,567 YOU COME AND GIVE ME A KISS, HONEY. 346 00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:04,986 OH! 347 00:17:04,986 --> 00:17:06,488 WHAT'S WRONG? UH, SWEETHEART. 348 00:17:06,988 --> 00:17:08,440 HONEY, IT'S JUST... 349 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,425 MARINARA SAUCE. IT'S OKAY. 350 00:17:11,425 --> 00:17:15,346 I'M SORRY. 351 00:17:15,346 --> 00:17:19,782 SO, WHY DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN AND EAT? 352 00:17:19,782 --> 00:17:21,784 YEAH, I-I'LL NUKE UP, UH, THE REST OF THE SAUCE, 353 00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:23,236 WHAT'S LEFT OF IT. 354 00:17:23,236 --> 00:17:25,237 AND I'LL WASH THE BABY FIELD GREENS, 355 00:17:25,237 --> 00:17:27,739 OTHERWISE KNOWN AS WEEDS. 356 00:17:27,739 --> 00:17:29,224 HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN UPSTAIRS 357 00:17:29,224 --> 00:17:31,176 AND GET CLEANED UP? 358 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:38,182 OKAY. 359 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:41,117 "HONEY." "SWEETIE." "SUNSHINE." 360 00:17:41,117 --> 00:17:43,620 JUST 'CAUSE CHRIS HOBBS FUCKING BASHES ME IN THE HEAD, 361 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,622 SUDDENLY EVERYBODY WANTS TO INFANTALIZE ME. 362 00:17:45,622 --> 00:17:48,124 YOU COULD HAVE DIED, YOU KNOW. 363 00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:50,075 I WAS THERE. THEY'RE GOING TO FREAK 364 00:17:50,075 --> 00:17:52,077 WHEN THEY FIND OUT YOU'RE GONE. 365 00:17:52,578 --> 00:17:54,580 I LEFT A NOTE. 366 00:17:55,030 --> 00:18:02,520 "BACK SOON. LOVE AND KISSES." 367 00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,481 WILL YOU BE OKAY? 368 00:18:15,481 --> 00:18:24,489 I DON'T KNOW. BUT I HAVE TO FIND HIM. 369 00:18:24,489 --> 00:18:25,490 THANK YOU. 370 00:18:59,603 --> 00:19:00,554 HEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 371 00:19:01,054 --> 00:19:10,796 AH! DON'T TOUCH ME. 372 00:19:14,232 --> 00:19:15,733 AH. SO. 373 00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:18,703 HOW ARE THE BOYS OF PORTLAND? 374 00:19:18,703 --> 00:19:20,688 I BET WITH ALL THAT... RAIN, 375 00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:23,690 THEY ALL HAVE PERFECT PEACHES AND CREAM CHEEKS. 376 00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:30,079 I... HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO DO A BUTT-CHECK. 377 00:19:30,563 --> 00:19:32,898 BESIDES, DAVID AND I HAVE BETTER WAYS OF SPENDING OUR EVENINGS. 378 00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:35,401 LIKE WHAT? WE COOK AND WE READ 379 00:19:35,401 --> 00:19:36,901 AND WE LISTEN TO MUSIC. 380 00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:38,403 AND... CHECK EACH OTHER'S PULSES 381 00:19:38,403 --> 00:19:40,905 TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE? 382 00:19:40,905 --> 00:19:44,358 YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS ME, I'D BE OUT EVERY NIGHT... 383 00:19:44,358 --> 00:19:46,310 TOPPING THE TALL TIMBER. YEAH, 384 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,295 THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION LAWS. 385 00:19:52,298 --> 00:19:54,300 BUT, MIKEY, 386 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,786 TELL ME. I NEED TO KNOW. 387 00:19:57,287 --> 00:19:58,788 DOES A LUMBERJACK OFF? 388 00:20:03,725 --> 00:20:07,728 WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? 389 00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,730 NOTHING-THE-FUCK IS GOING ON. 390 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,699 YOU'RE A FUCKING, FALL-DOWN MESS. 391 00:20:11,699 --> 00:20:13,134 I'M BEAUTIFUL. 392 00:20:13,134 --> 00:20:14,635 I'LL ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL, YOU SAID THAT YOURSELF. 393 00:20:14,635 --> 00:20:17,053 YOU WANT SOME? 394 00:20:17,053 --> 00:20:18,555 YOU'VE CUT YOURSELF OFF FROM EVERYONE 395 00:20:18,555 --> 00:20:19,522 INCLUDING ME. 396 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,474 YOU'RE DRINKING... 397 00:20:21,474 --> 00:20:24,426 CHRIST, LIKE I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE. 398 00:20:24,426 --> 00:20:26,929 OH, WELL. 399 00:20:26,929 --> 00:20:28,430 MAYBE YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. 400 00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:30,865 WHAT ARE YOU? MY GODDAMN MOTHER? 401 00:20:30,865 --> 00:20:33,368 YOU GO BACK WHERE YOU BELONG, AND... 402 00:20:33,368 --> 00:20:36,371 READ AND COOK AND LISTEN TO MUZAK WITH DAVID, 403 00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:40,874 AND I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 404 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:46,196 WHY HAVEN'T YOU GONE TO SEE JUSTIN? 405 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,647 BECAUSE... 406 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,148 THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO FOR HIM. 407 00:21:06,547 --> 00:21:09,049 GET AWAY FROM ME. 408 00:21:09,049 --> 00:21:10,550 HEY, THEY SEND THAT GUY TO JAIL? 409 00:21:10,550 --> 00:21:11,551 HEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DON'T TOUCH ME. 410 00:21:12,035 --> 00:21:13,036 GIVE HIM SOME ROOM. 411 00:21:17,973 --> 00:21:33,653 JUSTIN, IT'S ME, MICHAEL. 412 00:21:33,653 --> 00:21:37,157 WELL, ARE YOU JUST GOING TO FUCKING STAND THERE? 413 00:21:45,114 --> 00:21:47,616 THE FIRST MARRIAGE SHE WAS REGISTERED AT TIFFANY'S. 414 00:21:47,616 --> 00:21:50,118 THE SECOND, POTTERY BARN. 415 00:21:50,118 --> 00:21:52,620 THE THIRD, THE BIG Q. 416 00:21:53,121 --> 00:21:55,623 PATHETIC, ISN'T IT? 417 00:21:55,623 --> 00:21:59,626 STRAIGHT PEOPLE AND THEIR SILLY LITTLE RITUALS. 418 00:21:59,626 --> 00:22:01,128 OH, COME ON, MEL, YOU KNOW IF IT WAS LEGAL 419 00:22:01,128 --> 00:22:03,130 FOR YOU AND LINDSAY TO GET MARRIED, YOU WOULD. 420 00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:04,630 WELL, WE CAN'T, SO WHAT'S THE POINT? 421 00:22:04,630 --> 00:22:06,632 THE BRIDE REQUESTS NO SMOKING. 422 00:22:06,632 --> 00:22:10,136 OH, UH, FUCK THE BRIDE. 423 00:22:10,136 --> 00:22:11,137 HELLO, MELANIE. 424 00:22:11,636 --> 00:22:14,556 LYNNETTE. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING. 425 00:22:14,556 --> 00:22:16,057 JUST LIKE THEY'VE ALL BEEN. 426 00:22:16,558 --> 00:22:17,542 THANK YOU. 427 00:22:17,542 --> 00:22:19,043 THE CHICKEN WAS DELICIOUS. 428 00:22:19,043 --> 00:22:20,010 IT WAS A CAPON. 429 00:22:20,010 --> 00:22:25,516 WELL, IT TASTED LIKE CHICKEN. 430 00:22:25,516 --> 00:22:26,966 I WAS JUST SAYING, I... 431 00:22:26,966 --> 00:22:28,968 I BET YOU'RE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT HONEYMOON. 432 00:22:28,968 --> 00:22:30,970 WELL, WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO THIS TIME? 433 00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:31,971 BORNEO. 434 00:22:31,971 --> 00:22:33,406 BORNEO. AH. 435 00:22:33,406 --> 00:22:36,341 DON'T THEY HAVE A LOT OF PIGS THERE? 436 00:22:36,808 --> 00:22:38,260 WELL! 437 00:22:38,260 --> 00:22:39,761 I'M HAVING A MUCH BETTER TIME THAN I THOUGHT. 438 00:22:39,761 --> 00:22:41,763 WELL... 439 00:22:41,763 --> 00:22:43,214 TIME TO CUT THE CAKE. 440 00:22:43,214 --> 00:22:45,216 AND YOU... 441 00:22:45,216 --> 00:22:47,184 YOU PROMISED TO TOAST THE HAPPY COUPLE. 442 00:22:47,184 --> 00:22:49,670 RIGHT. I DID. 443 00:22:49,670 --> 00:22:51,171 BUT BEFORE YOU DO, 444 00:22:51,171 --> 00:22:52,672 I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU. 445 00:22:53,173 --> 00:22:55,175 FOR TOASTING MY OWN SISTER AT HER WEDDING? 446 00:22:55,175 --> 00:22:57,677 NO, I MEAN, UH, 447 00:22:57,677 --> 00:23:00,679 FOR NOT... EMBARRASSING ME. 448 00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:03,182 YOU KNOW, NOT THAT I HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST MELANIE, 449 00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:05,683 AND YOU KNOW I ADORE GUS, BUT... 450 00:23:05,683 --> 00:23:08,186 CONSIDERING IT IS MY WEDDING... 451 00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:10,688 THIRD WEDDING. 452 00:23:10,688 --> 00:23:13,191 AFTER ALL, IT'S JUST... DIDN'T SEE ANY REASON 453 00:23:13,191 --> 00:23:15,192 FOR PEOPLE TO BE SUBJECTED TO... 454 00:23:15,692 --> 00:23:27,203 AN UNDIGNIFIED DISPLAY OF MY PRIVATE LIFE. 455 00:23:28,654 --> 00:23:30,104 EXCUSE ME, 456 00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:33,608 EVERYONE. I'M LINDSAY, LYNNETTE'S SISTER, 457 00:23:34,075 --> 00:23:36,578 AND I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE HER AND HER HUSBAND 458 00:23:37,077 --> 00:23:39,530 ON THIS SPECIAL OCCASION. 459 00:23:46,953 --> 00:23:50,957 TO STAND IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS... 460 00:23:50,957 --> 00:23:53,458 AND TO DECLARE YOUR LOVE AND COMMITMENT 461 00:23:53,458 --> 00:23:54,960 IN THE EYES OF GOD AND... THE LAW 462 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,462 IS A PRIVILEGE... 463 00:23:57,462 --> 00:23:59,897 NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. 464 00:23:59,897 --> 00:24:02,867 I KNOW, BECAUSE I'VE SHARED A COMMITMENT WITH MY PARTNER 465 00:24:02,867 --> 00:24:05,319 FOR SIX WONDERFUL YEARS, 466 00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:09,239 EVEN THOUGH WE'RE NOT MARRIED. 467 00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:13,193 AND THAT'S BECAUSE WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE. 468 00:24:13,193 --> 00:24:14,694 BUT THAT SHOULDN'T STOP TWO PEOPLE 469 00:24:14,694 --> 00:24:16,178 FROM DOING WHAT THEY TRULY WANT, 470 00:24:16,178 --> 00:24:18,564 SHOULD IT? 471 00:24:18,564 --> 00:24:20,999 SO I'D LIKE TO ASK MY BELOVED, 472 00:24:20,999 --> 00:24:25,786 MELANIE... 473 00:24:25,786 --> 00:24:30,224 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 474 00:24:30,224 --> 00:24:31,224 OH! 475 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:42,501 THE DOCTOR SAID IF CHRIS HOBBS HAD HIT ME 476 00:24:43,002 --> 00:24:45,004 A FRACTION OF AN INCH THIS WAY, 477 00:24:45,504 --> 00:24:46,504 OR THAT WAY, 478 00:24:46,504 --> 00:24:47,972 OR AT A DIFFERENT ANGLE, 479 00:24:48,473 --> 00:24:49,474 OR EVEN A LITTLE BIT HARDER, 480 00:24:49,474 --> 00:24:51,476 I'D BE A COMPLETE VEGETABLE, 481 00:24:51,476 --> 00:24:52,977 OR DEAD. 482 00:24:52,977 --> 00:24:56,430 AS IT IS, HE ONLY DAMAGED THE CEREBRAL MOTOR STRIP. 483 00:24:56,930 --> 00:24:58,916 IS THAT WHERE THEY DRAGRACE THROUGH YOUR BRAIN? 484 00:24:58,916 --> 00:25:02,418 NO. IT'S THE PART OF THE CEREBRAL CORTEX THAT CONTROLS MOTOR SKILLS. 485 00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:04,921 I KNOW WHAT IT IS. I ATTENDED THE EIGHTH GRADE. 486 00:25:04,921 --> 00:25:07,373 THEY HAD TO DRILL THROUGH MY SKULL TO RELEASE ALL THE BLOOD. 487 00:25:07,373 --> 00:25:09,808 COOL. 488 00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:12,310 THEY SAY I MAY NEVER DRAW AGAIN. 489 00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:14,312 YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE 490 00:25:14,312 --> 00:25:16,248 THEY'LL NEVER WALK AGAIN OR... 491 00:25:16,248 --> 00:25:17,748 DRAW AGAIN OR... 492 00:25:18,249 --> 00:25:19,750 PISS AGAIN, SO THAT WHEN YOU FINALLY DO, 493 00:25:20,251 --> 00:25:21,252 YOU'LL THINK THEY'RE GENIUSES 494 00:25:21,252 --> 00:25:26,723 AND THEY CAN CHARGE YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT. 495 00:25:29,225 --> 00:25:34,596 WHY DIDN'T YOU COME AND SEE ME? 496 00:25:34,596 --> 00:25:37,950 WHAT FOR? 497 00:25:37,950 --> 00:25:39,952 CONSIDERING THAT I WAS IN A COMA FOR TWO WEEKS, 498 00:25:40,452 --> 00:25:41,953 AND REHAB FOR A MONTH, 499 00:25:41,953 --> 00:25:46,958 TRYING TO RE-LEARN HOW TO THROW A FUCKING WHIFFLE BALL. 500 00:25:46,958 --> 00:25:49,459 YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO REGAIN THE AGILITY AND THE STRENGTH IN YOUR HAND, 501 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,445 I SUGGEST JERKING OFF SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. 502 00:25:52,445 --> 00:25:54,447 IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC. 503 00:25:54,447 --> 00:25:56,448 YOU SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST CALLED TO SEE IF I WAS STILL ALIVE. 504 00:25:56,448 --> 00:26:00,886 I'M SURE I WOULD HAVE HEARD IF YOU WEREN'T. 505 00:26:00,886 --> 00:26:03,389 BESIDES, I'M NOT YOUR OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST. 506 00:26:03,389 --> 00:26:05,890 I'M NOT YOUR TRAUMA SPECIALIST. I'M NOT EVEN YOUR GODDAMNED MOTHER 507 00:26:05,890 --> 00:26:16,300 SITTING THERE HOLDING YOUR HAND. I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING I COULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU. 508 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:22,271 I STILL DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. 509 00:26:22,271 --> 00:26:24,223 LAST THING I DO REMEMBER IS YOU TELLING ME 510 00:26:24,223 --> 00:26:28,710 THAT YOU WOULDN'T COME TO MY PROM. 511 00:26:28,710 --> 00:26:31,646 BUT THEY SAID THAT YOU SHOWED UP AFTER ALL. 512 00:26:31,646 --> 00:26:33,648 AND THAT WE DANCED TOGETHER. 513 00:26:33,648 --> 00:26:37,101 AND THAT IT WAS AMAZING. 514 00:26:37,101 --> 00:26:42,056 DAPHNE SAID THAT WE WERE AMAZING. 515 00:26:42,056 --> 00:26:45,975 WE WERE ALL RIGHT. 516 00:26:45,975 --> 00:26:50,479 SHIT! 517 00:26:50,479 --> 00:26:53,932 I WISH I COULD REMEMBER THAT. 518 00:26:54,433 --> 00:26:55,434 AND THEN... 519 00:26:55,434 --> 00:26:57,436 I WALKED WITH YOU... 520 00:26:57,436 --> 00:26:59,887 BACK OUT TO YOUR JEEP. 521 00:26:59,887 --> 00:27:02,840 AND THAT'S WHEN CHRIS HOBBS CAME OUT WITH THE BASEBALL BAT... 522 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,275 I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. 523 00:27:04,275 --> 00:27:06,209 I CAN'T. 524 00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:07,694 THIS IS JUST STUFF THAT... 525 00:27:07,694 --> 00:27:09,195 OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME. 526 00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:11,131 IT'S LIKE... 527 00:27:11,131 --> 00:27:15,134 A STORY THAT HAPPENED TO SOMEBODY ELSE. 528 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:25,643 YEAH, WELL, I CAN REMEMBER. I CAN REMEMBER EVERYTHING. 529 00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:29,613 I SAW HIM. 530 00:27:29,613 --> 00:27:38,354 HE WAS COMING AFTER YOU WITH THE BAT. 531 00:27:38,354 --> 00:27:40,356 BUT HE WAS MOVING TOO FAST, AND YOU WERE TOO FAR AWAY. 532 00:27:40,356 --> 00:27:46,728 JUSTIN! 533 00:27:46,728 --> 00:27:49,698 I RAN. 534 00:27:49,698 --> 00:27:55,202 BUT THERE WAS NO TIME TO STOP IT. 535 00:27:55,202 --> 00:28:00,106 AND THEN HE SWUNG. 536 00:28:00,106 --> 00:28:04,060 AND IT WAS TOO LATE. 537 00:28:04,494 --> 00:28:13,852 THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. 538 00:28:13,852 --> 00:28:17,354 AND THEN YOU JUST LAY THERE ON THE COLD CEMENT. 539 00:28:17,354 --> 00:28:18,355 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, 540 00:28:18,355 --> 00:28:20,808 NO. OH... 541 00:28:20,808 --> 00:28:24,310 GOD! 542 00:28:24,811 --> 00:28:41,659 IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. 543 00:28:41,659 --> 00:29:06,498 HMM. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. 544 00:29:06,498 --> 00:29:09,000 OH, GOD, THAT OLD BIDDY 545 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,001 WHO WRESTLED ME FOR THIS THING, 546 00:29:11,001 --> 00:29:13,470 SHE HAD ONE HELL OF A GRIP. 547 00:29:13,470 --> 00:29:17,974 MMMM. TRY THIS. 548 00:29:17,974 --> 00:29:20,977 MMMM-HM-HM. 549 00:29:21,410 --> 00:29:23,412 LET ME GIVE A PIECE OF THIS TO MY ROOMMATE, 550 00:29:23,412 --> 00:29:25,413 EVEN THOUGH HE'S... HAPPILY MARRIED, YOU KNOW. 551 00:29:25,413 --> 00:29:27,415 YOU KNOW, THEY SAY IF YOU PUT A PIECE OF WEDDING CAKE 552 00:29:27,916 --> 00:29:29,918 UNDER YOUR PILLOW, YOU'LL GET, UH, 553 00:29:29,918 --> 00:29:31,920 YOU'LL GET ICING ALL OVER YOUR PILLOWCASE. 554 00:29:33,337 --> 00:29:34,839 ALL RIGHT, NOW WHY DON'T YOU, UH, 555 00:29:35,339 --> 00:29:37,341 SHOW YOURSELF RIGHT INTO MY BEDROOM, 556 00:29:37,341 --> 00:29:39,343 THROUGH THERE. OKAY. 557 00:29:39,343 --> 00:29:47,801 I'LL BE WITH YOU IN ONE MINUTE. 558 00:29:57,708 --> 00:30:00,211 THANKS. 559 00:30:00,211 --> 00:30:02,713 FOR WHAT? 560 00:30:03,214 --> 00:30:06,716 THE RIDE. SAVING ME. 561 00:30:06,716 --> 00:30:09,719 I DIDN'T SAVE YOU. 562 00:30:09,719 --> 00:30:14,156 I MEANT TONIGHT. 563 00:30:14,156 --> 00:30:18,060 SO... WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? 564 00:30:18,060 --> 00:30:19,561 YEAH, YOU'LL SEE ME. 565 00:30:19,561 --> 00:30:21,563 WELL, DON'T WAIT TOO LONG. 566 00:30:21,563 --> 00:30:35,525 AT THIS RATE, WHO KNOWS HOW LONG I'LL BE AROUND? 567 00:30:35,525 --> 00:30:38,027 JUSTIN! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 568 00:30:38,027 --> 00:30:40,513 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I WAS? 569 00:30:40,513 --> 00:30:42,514 HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT? 570 00:30:42,514 --> 00:30:44,516 I LEFT YOU A NOTE. 571 00:30:44,516 --> 00:30:58,945 COME INSIDE. 572 00:30:58,945 --> 00:31:00,446 OKAY, COME ON, COME ON BE QUIET. 573 00:31:00,446 --> 00:31:01,948 HOW ABOUT ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD? 574 00:31:01,948 --> 00:31:02,949 SIX IS MY LUCKY NUMBER. 575 00:31:02,949 --> 00:31:05,951 OH, SUPER. OKAY. 576 00:31:05,951 --> 00:31:07,920 I LEFT YOU MY NUMBER BY THE BED. 577 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,421 YOU SURE YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING? 578 00:31:09,421 --> 00:31:10,923 OKAY, SCRAM. 579 00:31:10,923 --> 00:31:12,424 OW. OW! SHHH. CALL ME. 580 00:31:12,925 --> 00:31:21,831 AH-H-AH. 581 00:31:21,831 --> 00:31:22,832 SO, UM... 582 00:31:22,832 --> 00:31:30,055 HOW WAS YOUR PIECE OF CAKE? 583 00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:31,790 MOM. MOM, PLEASE. Mrs. Petersen: 584 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:33,792 MOM, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP CRYING? Did she put you up to it? 585 00:31:33,792 --> 00:31:35,294 NO, SHE DID NOT PUT ME UP TO IT. 586 00:31:35,294 --> 00:31:37,295 THAT'S RIGHT, BLAME THE JEW. 587 00:31:37,295 --> 00:31:39,297 DAMNIT, MOTHER, IF LYNNETTE CAN GET MARRIED, 588 00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:41,299 THREE TIMES, THEN WHY THE HELL CAN'T I? 589 00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:43,284 WELL, FRANKLY, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT PEOPLE THINK. 590 00:31:43,284 --> 00:31:45,786 Two women do not get married. LOVE TO DADDY. 591 00:31:45,786 --> 00:31:47,287 How can we show our faces? What are... 592 00:31:47,287 --> 00:31:48,789 CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE VIDEO. 593 00:31:48,789 --> 00:31:50,290 Do you know how many weddings we're invited to this season? 594 00:31:50,290 --> 00:31:51,792 And anniversary parties? 595 00:31:52,291 --> 00:31:53,292 BITCH! 596 00:31:53,292 --> 00:31:54,794 I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE THIS UPSET. 597 00:31:54,794 --> 00:31:55,795 FEAR NOT. 598 00:31:55,795 --> 00:31:57,797 IN TIME THEY'LL SWEEP IT UNDER THEIR WASPY RUG, 599 00:31:58,297 --> 00:32:00,799 AND FORGET ALL ABOUT IT. I DON'T WANT TO FORGET ABOUT IT. 600 00:32:00,799 --> 00:32:02,801 I WANT FULL AND EQUAL RECOGNITION, 601 00:32:02,801 --> 00:32:04,803 IF NOT UNDER THE LAW, THEN AT LEAST IN MY OWN PARENTS' HOUSE. 602 00:32:04,803 --> 00:32:08,305 I'D COUNT ON GETTING HITCHED IN MISSISSIPPI FIRST. 603 00:32:08,305 --> 00:32:11,308 MMMM. AH-H... 604 00:32:11,308 --> 00:32:13,811 CAN'T WE STAY IN BED A LITTLE LONGER? 605 00:32:13,811 --> 00:32:20,316 OH-H-H. 606 00:32:20,316 --> 00:32:23,318 YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION. 607 00:32:23,318 --> 00:32:24,770 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 608 00:32:24,770 --> 00:32:27,205 YOU WEREN'T SERIOUS? 609 00:32:27,205 --> 00:32:29,708 I WAS DEAD SERIOUS. 610 00:32:29,708 --> 00:32:31,709 WHY DO THEY GET TO RECEIVE EVERYONE'S BLESSINGS AND PRESENTS 611 00:32:31,709 --> 00:32:34,161 AND WE DON'T? I KNEW IT HAD TO DO WITH PRESENTS. 612 00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:38,665 LOOK, WE CAN'T GET MARRIED. 613 00:32:38,665 --> 00:32:41,668 I MEAN, FOR ONE THING IT'S NOT LEGAL, ONLY SYMBOLIC, 614 00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:44,170 AND FOR ANOTHER, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT WEDDINGS. 615 00:32:44,170 --> 00:32:45,672 THEY'RE ANTIQUATED... 616 00:32:45,672 --> 00:32:48,140 MEANINGLESS RITUALS FOR HETEROSEXUALS. 617 00:32:48,641 --> 00:32:53,128 I'VE HEARD. LINZ, WE HAVE A MARRIAGE... 618 00:32:53,128 --> 00:32:55,613 AND A FAMILY... 619 00:32:55,613 --> 00:32:57,582 SIX YEARS STRONG, 620 00:32:58,082 --> 00:33:01,552 GIVE OR TAKE A FEW BUMPS IN THE ROAD. 621 00:33:01,552 --> 00:33:03,053 AND AS NICE AS IT WOULD BE 622 00:33:03,553 --> 00:33:06,056 TO HAVE A PARTY AND PAYBACK, FINALLY, 623 00:33:06,056 --> 00:33:09,509 FOR ALL THE WEDDING GIFTS WE'VE SHELLED OUT FOR THROUGHOUT THE YEARS, 624 00:33:09,509 --> 00:33:12,011 WE DON'T NEED ANY OF THAT TO PROVE TO OURSELVES WE LOVE EACH OTHER. 625 00:33:12,511 --> 00:33:14,447 NOW COME ON. 626 00:33:14,447 --> 00:33:27,925 LET'S GO AND GRAB OUR KID AND GET SOME BRUNCH. 627 00:33:27,925 --> 00:33:30,427 I MEAN, IF I'D KNOWN HOW MANY MEN YOU COULD MEET AT STRAIGHT FUNCTIONS, 628 00:33:30,427 --> 00:33:32,429 I'D HAVE STARTED GOING YEARS AGO. 629 00:33:32,429 --> 00:33:34,931 LEAVE IT TO YOU TO SNIFF OUT THE ONE TRUFFLE IN THE GARDEN. 630 00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:36,916 MMM, I WOULDN'T BE SO SURE. 631 00:33:36,916 --> 00:33:38,868 I HAVE MY SUSPICIONS ABOUT THE GROOM. 632 00:33:38,868 --> 00:33:40,869 OH, YOU MEAN LINDSAY'S SISTER 633 00:33:40,869 --> 00:33:42,371 MIGHT ACTUALLY BREAK HER OWN RECORD. 634 00:33:46,308 --> 00:33:47,809 HOW ABOUT YOU, MICHAEL? 635 00:33:47,809 --> 00:33:49,243 HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT ON THE TOWN? 636 00:33:49,744 --> 00:33:50,745 MMMM. 637 00:33:50,745 --> 00:33:54,181 HE BROUGHT HOME A NICE CENTREPIECE OF HIS OWN. 638 00:33:54,181 --> 00:33:59,903 JEEZ, EM. 639 00:34:00,403 --> 00:34:01,905 WELL. 640 00:34:02,405 --> 00:34:03,906 YOU CERTAINLY DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME, DID YOU? 641 00:34:04,406 --> 00:34:06,842 IN TOWN LESS THAN 24 HOURS AND... 642 00:34:06,842 --> 00:34:08,844 WHY SHOULDN'T HE GET A LITTLE ACTION? 643 00:34:08,844 --> 00:34:10,779 HE'S OUTSIDE THE REQUIRED 400-MILE LIMIT 644 00:34:10,779 --> 00:34:13,281 FOR EXTRA-MARITAL QUICKIES AND ANONYMOUS ASSIGNATIONS. 645 00:34:13,781 --> 00:34:16,234 MIND YOU, IF YOU WANT TO DO ANYTHING FURTHER, 646 00:34:16,234 --> 00:34:20,170 YOU'LL NEED OVERSEAS TRAVEL AND A MINIMUM 14-DAY STAY. 647 00:34:20,670 --> 00:34:22,672 I JUST THOUGHT, WITH EVERYTHING YOU WROTE, THAT, YOU KNOW, 648 00:34:22,672 --> 00:34:24,674 YOU AND DAVID WERE SO IN LOVE, SO COMMITTED... 649 00:34:24,674 --> 00:34:27,626 EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS ITS OWN SET OF RULES. 650 00:34:27,626 --> 00:34:31,614 THEIR ARRANGEMENT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 651 00:34:32,114 --> 00:34:35,066 RIGHT, SWEETIE? 652 00:34:35,066 --> 00:34:39,070 NOW WHO WANTS A POTSTICKER? 653 00:34:39,070 --> 00:34:43,057 WE BROKE UP. 654 00:34:43,057 --> 00:34:45,526 WHAT? 655 00:34:45,526 --> 00:34:47,027 IT'S OVER. 656 00:34:47,528 --> 00:35:01,306 DAVID AND I ARE OVER. 657 00:35:01,306 --> 00:35:02,808 MMM, GOD. YOU KNOW, 658 00:35:03,308 --> 00:35:04,810 THESE ARE THE BEST PAN-FRIED DUMPLINGS I'VE EVER HAD. 659 00:35:04,810 --> 00:35:06,277 DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID? 660 00:35:06,277 --> 00:35:09,163 HE BROKE UP. 661 00:35:09,163 --> 00:35:12,566 YOU BROKE UP. 662 00:35:12,566 --> 00:35:14,067 SO WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL US? 663 00:35:14,067 --> 00:35:15,502 I WAS GOING TO. WHEN? 664 00:35:15,502 --> 00:35:16,970 AFTER YOU'D CONVINCED US 665 00:35:16,970 --> 00:35:18,905 THAT YOU'D FOUND PARADISE LOST? 666 00:35:18,905 --> 00:35:20,407 WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT. 667 00:35:21,373 --> 00:35:22,307 YOU KNOW, 668 00:35:22,808 --> 00:35:23,792 BUT THERE'S NEVER A RIGHT TIME 669 00:35:24,293 --> 00:35:26,762 TO ADMIT THAT YOU'VE FAILED. 670 00:35:26,762 --> 00:35:27,763 YOU HAD THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY 671 00:35:28,263 --> 00:35:29,263 TO START YOUR LIFE OVER 672 00:35:29,263 --> 00:35:31,265 WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVED OR... 673 00:35:31,766 --> 00:35:33,768 THOUGHT YOU LOVED, AND... 674 00:35:33,768 --> 00:35:39,272 YOU BLEW IT. 675 00:35:39,272 --> 00:35:42,275 I BLEW IT. 676 00:35:42,275 --> 00:35:43,777 I COMPLAINED THAT DAVID WAS WORKING TOO MUCH, 677 00:35:44,277 --> 00:35:45,778 AND THAT I COULDN'T FIND A JOB, 678 00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:47,780 AND THAT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, 679 00:35:47,780 --> 00:35:50,783 AND WHEN I ACCUSED HIM OF BEING THOUGHTLESS AND NOT CARING, 680 00:35:50,783 --> 00:35:53,284 AND SAID THAT IF I'D KNOWN IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS, 681 00:35:53,785 --> 00:35:55,787 I NEVER WOULD HAVE COME, HE SAID... 682 00:35:55,787 --> 00:35:59,674 "WELL, GO HOME, MICHAEL. 683 00:35:59,674 --> 00:36:07,664 GO HOME." 684 00:36:08,147 --> 00:36:13,619 WELL... 685 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:19,040 I WOULDN'T SAY THAT YOU FAILED. 686 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:20,976 AND... YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT TRUE 687 00:36:20,976 --> 00:36:23,477 THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, 688 00:36:23,477 --> 00:36:24,979 'CAUSE YOU STILL GOT US. 689 00:36:26,981 --> 00:36:28,983 AND AS FOR COMING HOME, 690 00:36:28,983 --> 00:36:33,486 YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO SHAME IN THAT. 691 00:36:33,486 --> 00:36:40,492 IT'S WHAT IT'S HERE FOR. 692 00:36:40,492 --> 00:36:42,444 THE FACT THAT CHRISTOPHER HOBBS PLED GUILTY 693 00:36:42,845 --> 00:36:45,013 TO ASSAULT CHARGES FOR HIS VICIOUS ATTACK ON JUSTIN TAYLOR 694 00:36:45,514 --> 00:36:48,449 IN NO WAY MITIGATES THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE CRIME, 695 00:36:48,449 --> 00:36:51,953 OR THE TRAGIC EFFECTS ON THESE YOUNG MEN'S LIVES. 696 00:36:51,953 --> 00:36:54,955 BOTH WERE HONOUR STUDENTS AT ST. JAMES ACADEMY. 697 00:36:54,955 --> 00:36:57,457 BOTH HAD PLANNED TO ATTEND COLLEGE. 698 00:36:57,457 --> 00:37:00,961 NOW ONE YOUNG MAN IS RECOVERING FROM SERIOUS BRAIN INJURIES, 699 00:37:00,961 --> 00:37:03,963 AND THE OTHER IS FACING A PRISON SENTENCE. 700 00:37:03,963 --> 00:37:06,465 I ASK MYSELF HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? 701 00:37:06,465 --> 00:37:08,467 I'LL TELL YOU HOW. 702 00:37:08,467 --> 00:37:10,418 CHRIS HOBBS IS A HOMOPHOBIC ANIMAL SHH. 703 00:37:10,418 --> 00:37:13,388 WHO SHOULD BE PUT AWAY. SHH. 704 00:37:13,388 --> 00:37:16,891 I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW PROFOUNDLY DISTURBING IT MUST HAVE BEEN 705 00:37:16,891 --> 00:37:20,377 FOR A YOUNG MAN OF CHRIS HOBBS' FINE, MORAL UPBRINGING, 706 00:37:20,377 --> 00:37:22,863 TO BE APPROACHED SEXUALLY BY A FELLOW STUDENT, 707 00:37:22,863 --> 00:37:25,364 THEN TO SEE HIM FLAUNT HIS LIFESTYLE 708 00:37:25,364 --> 00:37:28,367 BY BRINGING HIS MALE LOVER TO THE PROM, AND ENGAGE IN 709 00:37:28,367 --> 00:37:32,838 WHAT HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS A HIGHLY PROVOCATIVE DANCE. 710 00:37:32,838 --> 00:37:34,839 GIVEN THE FACT THAT HE WAS DRINKING, 711 00:37:35,340 --> 00:37:36,841 WHICH HE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN, 712 00:37:36,841 --> 00:37:39,344 I COULD UNDERSTAND HOW CHRIS HOBBS MIGHT LOSE CONTROL 713 00:37:39,344 --> 00:37:41,845 OF HIS BETTER JUDGMENT. STILL... 714 00:37:42,346 --> 00:37:45,349 IT DOES NOT EXCUSE HIS ACTIONS. 715 00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:47,818 AND SO I HAVE STRUGGLED 716 00:37:47,818 --> 00:37:49,819 TO FIND THE APPROPRIATE SENTENCE 717 00:37:49,819 --> 00:37:52,822 TO IMPOSE FOR THIS UNFORTUNATE CRIME. 718 00:37:52,822 --> 00:37:55,325 COURT WILL RECESS FOR 10 MINUTES. 719 00:37:55,825 --> 00:37:56,825 WHERE THE FUCK'S HE GOING? 720 00:37:57,326 --> 00:37:58,777 IT'S A HELL OF A TIME TO LEAVE. 721 00:37:59,278 --> 00:37:59,778 GREAT SUSPENSE. 722 00:38:00,279 --> 00:38:03,265 IT'S HOW HE GOT HIS NAME, REGULAR ROY. 723 00:38:03,265 --> 00:38:05,216 EVERY DAY AT 12:15 ON THE DOT 724 00:38:05,216 --> 00:38:07,151 HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM ACROSS THE HALL, 725 00:38:07,151 --> 00:38:08,653 SITS IN THE STALL UNDER THE WINDOW, 726 00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:10,655 TAKES A DUMP AND HAS A SMOKE. 727 00:38:15,091 --> 00:38:17,093 NO WAY! YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING. 728 00:38:17,594 --> 00:38:31,322 WOULDN'T MATTER WHO HE WAS SENTENCING. 729 00:38:31,322 --> 00:38:33,274 CHRISTOPHER MARK HOBBS, 730 00:38:33,274 --> 00:38:36,276 THIS COURT ACCEPTS YOUR PLEA OF GUILTY FOR SIMPLE ASSAULT. 731 00:38:36,276 --> 00:38:39,263 BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE, THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NO PREVIOUS OFFENCES, 732 00:38:39,263 --> 00:38:41,248 AND BECAUSE YOU WERE UNDULY PROVOKED, 733 00:38:41,248 --> 00:38:44,183 YOU ARE HEREBY GIVEN A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED SENTENCE 734 00:38:44,183 --> 00:38:47,069 AND ORDERED TO SERVE 500 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE. 735 00:38:48,988 --> 00:38:51,990 NO. NO. 736 00:38:51,990 --> 00:38:54,492 CAN HE DO THAT? 737 00:38:54,492 --> 00:38:56,494 NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. 738 00:38:56,995 --> 00:38:58,495 WAIT A MINUTE. 739 00:38:58,495 --> 00:38:59,997 JUST A SLAP ON THE WRIST, JUDGE. 740 00:38:59,997 --> 00:39:02,983 LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 741 00:39:02,983 --> 00:39:04,985 LOOK AT HIM. 742 00:39:04,985 --> 00:39:07,920 HE'S PRACTICALLY A FUCKING MURDERER. 743 00:39:08,421 --> 00:39:09,922 HOW'D HE GET OFF SCOT-FREE? 744 00:39:09,922 --> 00:39:11,424 MADE A DEAL. 745 00:39:11,424 --> 00:39:13,426 HIS LAWYER AGREED TO PLEAD GUILTY. 746 00:39:13,426 --> 00:39:14,926 THE PROSECUTOR REDUCED THE CHARGES 747 00:39:14,926 --> 00:39:16,928 FROM AGGRAVATED TO SIMPLE ASSAULT, 748 00:39:16,928 --> 00:39:19,414 AND ROY SENT HIM OFF WITH PROBATION AND SERVICE. 749 00:39:19,414 --> 00:39:21,349 YEAH, WELL I'D LIKE TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO SERVICE. 750 00:39:21,349 --> 00:39:23,851 HE'D HAVE GOTTEN MORE FOR... BASHING A DOG. 751 00:39:23,851 --> 00:39:25,803 IT'S OKAY, MA. LET'S GO HOME. 752 00:39:25,803 --> 00:39:27,805 GET SOME REST. DAMN RIGHT I'M GOING HOME. 753 00:39:28,306 --> 00:39:32,225 BUT NOT TO REST. I'M GOING TO CALL EVERY P-FLAG CHAPTER IN THIS COUNTRY. 754 00:39:32,759 --> 00:39:34,194 I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH THIS. 755 00:39:34,694 --> 00:39:36,196 NOT FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND. 756 00:39:36,196 --> 00:39:38,197 WE'RE GOING TO MARCH. 757 00:39:38,197 --> 00:39:39,698 WE'RE GOING TO CARRY HUGE SIGNS 758 00:39:39,698 --> 00:39:42,201 THAT LET THIS ASSHOLE JUDGE KNOW WHAT WE THINK OF HIM. 759 00:39:42,701 --> 00:39:43,652 THAT'S ENOUGH. AND WE'RE GOING TO MARCH 760 00:39:44,153 --> 00:39:45,153 ON WASHINGTON IF WE HAVE TO. 761 00:39:45,653 --> 00:39:46,621 SIS. DO YOU HEAR THAT! 762 00:39:46,621 --> 00:39:48,106 JUST... NOW SETTLE DOWN. 763 00:39:48,106 --> 00:39:49,607 WE'RE GOING TO WASHINGTON. 764 00:39:50,108 --> 00:39:51,609 SETTLE DOWN. COME ON, SIS. THAT'S ENOUGH. 765 00:39:51,609 --> 00:39:54,561 IT'S OKAY, MA. IT'S OKAY. 766 00:39:54,561 --> 00:40:00,066 IT'S OKAY. HE'S NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS. 767 00:40:00,066 --> 00:40:03,569 WE'LL MARCH. WE'LL PROTEST. 768 00:40:03,569 --> 00:40:06,505 BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT. 769 00:40:06,505 --> 00:40:08,006 ALL PROTESTS ARE BULLSHIT. 770 00:40:08,506 --> 00:40:10,508 I MEAN, A BUNCH OF WELL-MEANING DO-GOODERS 771 00:40:10,508 --> 00:40:12,010 MARCHING AROUND CARRYING SIGNS, 772 00:40:12,510 --> 00:40:14,963 CHANTING? 773 00:40:14,963 --> 00:40:17,464 "HEY, HEY, HO, HO, HOMOPHOBIA'S GOT TO GO." 774 00:40:17,464 --> 00:40:18,465 GIVE ME A GODDAMN FUCKING BREAK. 775 00:40:18,966 --> 00:40:19,466 SO, I GUESS THIS MEANS 776 00:40:19,967 --> 00:40:22,353 YOU'RE... NOT GOING WITH US? 777 00:40:22,353 --> 00:40:24,354 HELL NO, I WON'T GO. 778 00:40:24,354 --> 00:40:25,855 SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SIT THERE ON YOUR ASS 779 00:40:26,356 --> 00:40:27,857 AND DO NOTHING. YEAH. I GUESS SO. 780 00:40:27,857 --> 00:40:29,826 JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO ALL THESE WEEKS 781 00:40:30,326 --> 00:40:31,326 WITHOUT YOU HERE TO HARANGUE ME? 782 00:40:31,326 --> 00:40:41,769 WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING BACK ANYWAY? 783 00:40:41,769 --> 00:40:44,221 I'M NOT. 784 00:40:44,221 --> 00:40:46,223 I KNOW. 785 00:40:46,723 --> 00:40:48,224 WHY? DID TED AND EMMETT TELL YOU? 786 00:40:48,725 --> 00:40:53,163 NO, I MANAGED TO FIGURE IT OUT ALL BY MY LITTLE SELF. 787 00:40:53,163 --> 00:40:56,165 I MEAN... 788 00:40:56,165 --> 00:40:58,634 I KNEW IT WOULDN'T WORK OUT. 789 00:40:59,134 --> 00:41:00,636 WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. 790 00:41:00,636 --> 00:41:02,637 RIGHT AS USUAL. 791 00:41:02,637 --> 00:41:04,138 THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME, ASSHOLE. IT'S ABOUT YOU. 792 00:41:04,138 --> 00:41:06,607 I MEAN, DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU'D BE HAPPY IN WISCONSIN, 793 00:41:06,607 --> 00:41:08,059 PLAYING THE DOCTOR'S WIFE? 794 00:41:08,059 --> 00:41:09,976 OREGON. PORTLAND'S IN OREGON. 795 00:41:09,976 --> 00:41:13,964 WHEREVER THE FUCK. 796 00:41:14,464 --> 00:41:15,465 WELL MAYBE THAT'S THE PROBLEM. I... 797 00:41:15,966 --> 00:41:33,480 I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK I BELONG. 798 00:41:33,981 --> 00:41:35,482 THERE. THAT'S WHERE. 799 00:41:35,482 --> 00:41:36,917 NOW... 800 00:41:36,917 --> 00:41:40,421 WILL YOU GO ON AND HELP YOUR MOM? 801 00:41:40,421 --> 00:41:46,375 AND... MAKE THE WORLD SAFE FOR FAGS. 802 00:41:46,375 --> 00:41:48,877 WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS OUR OLD CHEMISTRY BOOK? 803 00:41:48,877 --> 00:41:52,380 YEAH, IT IS, FROM HIGH SCHOOL. YEAH, THAT'S, UM... 804 00:41:52,881 --> 00:41:54,883 I'M DOING SOME RESEARCH. I HAVE A NEW CLIENT 805 00:41:54,883 --> 00:41:56,884 AT A DRUG COMPANY. 806 00:41:56,884 --> 00:41:58,886 OH. WELL, YOU MUST BE THRILLED. 807 00:41:58,886 --> 00:42:20,805 YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET "E" WHOLESALE. 808 00:42:58,304 --> 00:43:01,808 AFTER SPENDING 14 HOURS GLUED TO A TOILET SEAT, 809 00:43:01,808 --> 00:43:04,811 THE JUDGE WAS UNHARMED BUT BADLY SHAKEN. 810 00:43:04,811 --> 00:43:07,813 SO FAR THERE ARE NO CLUES OR SUSPECTS. 811 00:43:07,813 --> 00:43:10,248 THE SEAT OF JUSTICE HAS BEEN SEVERELY COMPROMISED. 812 00:43:10,248 --> 00:43:12,184 NO SKIN OFF MY ASS. 813 00:43:12,184 --> 00:43:14,151 BET HE WISHES HE COULD SAY THE SAME THING. 814 00:43:15,619 --> 00:43:17,521 WELL, WHO DO YOU THINK DID IT? 815 00:43:17,521 --> 00:43:19,523 SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T LIKE WAITING FOR HIS SENTENCE. 816 00:43:19,523 --> 00:43:21,025 ONE THING YOU CAN SAY FOR SURE, 817 00:43:21,025 --> 00:43:22,976 THAT MUST HAVE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. 818 00:43:25,912 --> 00:43:29,398 KNOW WHAT THIS REMINDS ME OF? 819 00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:30,899 THAT TIME IN CHEMISTRY CLASS 820 00:43:30,899 --> 00:43:33,402 WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO INVENT SYNTHETIC CUM, 821 00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:35,404 AND YOU MADE THAT GOO. 822 00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:37,405 YOU PUT IT ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE, 823 00:43:37,405 --> 00:43:44,761 AND MRS. RENFREW GOT GLUED TO IT. 824 00:43:44,761 --> 00:43:52,701 I BETTER TAKE OFF. 825 00:43:52,701 --> 00:43:53,702 I KNEW THEY'D LET HIM GO. 826 00:43:55,704 --> 00:43:58,207 THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US. THEY WANT US ALL DEAD. 827 00:43:58,707 --> 00:44:00,708 LOOK. DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY? 828 00:44:00,708 --> 00:44:02,210 JUST FOCUS ON WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 829 00:44:02,210 --> 00:44:05,213 SHIT. 830 00:44:05,213 --> 00:44:07,715 FUCK! 831 00:44:07,715 --> 00:44:10,651 COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT. 832 00:44:10,651 --> 00:44:11,652 NAH, I CAN'T. 833 00:44:12,152 --> 00:44:17,607 YES, YOU CAN. COME ON. 834 00:44:17,607 --> 00:44:19,108 HEY, THAT ONE WAS GOOD, JUSTIN. 835 00:44:19,108 --> 00:44:26,498 OH, DAPH, YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHIT. 836 00:44:26,498 --> 00:44:27,499 HI, HONEY. 837 00:44:27,999 --> 00:44:29,451 HELLO, DAPHNE. HEY. 838 00:44:29,451 --> 00:44:30,452 HELLO, MRS. TAYLOR. 839 00:44:30,452 --> 00:44:33,337 HELLO, BRIAN. 840 00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:34,338 WE WERE JUST TOSSING THE BALL. 841 00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,724 I THINK YOU SHOULD REST NOW. 842 00:44:36,724 --> 00:44:38,642 I'M NOT TIRED. 843 00:44:38,642 --> 00:44:45,548 I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO BRIAN. 844 00:44:46,015 --> 00:45:03,513 COME ON, DAPH. 845 00:45:03,513 --> 00:45:05,515 THE DAY THE DOCTOR SENT HIM HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, 846 00:45:05,515 --> 00:45:08,518 HE SAID HE'D NEVER SEEN SUCH A DETERMINED PATIENT, 847 00:45:08,518 --> 00:45:13,022 AND HE ASKED ME WHAT IT WAS THAT MADE HIM WORK SO HARD. 848 00:45:13,022 --> 00:45:15,975 I-I KNEW, BUT I DIDN'T TELL HIM. 849 00:45:15,975 --> 00:45:18,476 IT WAS YOU. 850 00:45:18,476 --> 00:45:20,478 EVERY DAY THAT YOU DIDN'T COME TO SEE HIM 851 00:45:20,478 --> 00:45:23,448 WAS MORE INCENTIVE FOR HIM TO GET BETTER 852 00:45:23,448 --> 00:45:28,402 AND GET OUT SO THAT HE COULD COME TO SEE YOU. 853 00:45:28,402 --> 00:45:29,903 OF COURSE WHAT JUSTIN DIDN'T KNOW, 854 00:45:29,903 --> 00:45:31,905 AND I DIDN'T TELL HIM WAS 855 00:45:32,406 --> 00:45:36,359 THAT YOU WERE THERE, EVERY NIGHT. 856 00:45:36,359 --> 00:45:40,279 THE NURSE ON DUTY TOLD ME. 857 00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:42,781 I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THAT, 858 00:45:42,781 --> 00:45:45,784 BUT HE'S HOME NOW, SAFE AND SOUND, 859 00:45:45,784 --> 00:45:47,285 AND THERE ISN'T ANY REASON ANY MORE 860 00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:52,723 FOR YOU TO WATCH OVER HIM, SO... 861 00:45:52,723 --> 00:45:54,725 SO I WOULD LIKE YOU TO LEAVE 862 00:45:54,725 --> 00:46:00,647 AND NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. 863 00:46:00,647 --> 00:46:02,148 I CARE ABOUT HIM. 864 00:46:02,148 --> 00:46:08,503 IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU HE WAS ALMOST KILLED. 865 00:46:08,503 --> 00:46:11,506 FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO BLUNT. 866 00:46:11,506 --> 00:46:15,443 I'VE TRIED TO ACCEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS, 867 00:46:15,443 --> 00:46:17,945 TO ACCEPT YOUR WORLD AND THAT HE'S PART OF IT. 868 00:46:18,446 --> 00:46:21,381 I'VE EVEN TRIED TO ACCEPT YOU. 869 00:46:21,381 --> 00:46:24,317 AND AS A RESULT, I NEARLY LOST HIM. 870 00:46:24,317 --> 00:46:25,802 AND I DON'T INTEND TO LOSE HIM AGAIN. 871 00:46:25,802 --> 00:46:30,806 SO IF YOU CARE ABOUT HIM... 872 00:46:30,806 --> 00:46:32,307 AND I BELIEVE YOU... 873 00:46:32,307 --> 00:46:36,227 I BELIEVE YOU DO... 874 00:46:36,227 --> 00:46:38,730 YOU'LL DO WHAT I ASK, 875 00:46:38,730 --> 00:46:59,698 AND RETURN MY SON TO ME. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 62126

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