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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,041
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
2
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,710
(grunts)
3
00:00:10,712 --> 00:00:12,011
What the...?!
4
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,517
Well, this is a no-brainer.
5
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,920
Woo-hoo!
6
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:23,856
D'oh!
7
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,959
D'oh!
8
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,562
D'oh!
9
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,298
D'oh!
10
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:37,069
D'oh! D'oh!
11
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,604
D'oh!
12
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,707
D'oh! D'oh!
13
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,142
D'oh!
14
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,081
(groans)
now what?
15
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,483
(screams)
16
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,092
(marge humming)
17
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,266
� �
18
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:10,970
(laughing)
19
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,764
� �
20
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:52,945
(whirring)
21
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,947
Mom, it's not funny
22
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,916
If I can't hear the cats
drown in their own barf.
23
00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:59,151
(screaming)
24
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,587
(whirring louder)
25
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,456
(retching continues louder)
26
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:07,126
Why can't kids still watch
captain kangaroo?!
27
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,461
Culture's in decline.
Deal with it.
28
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:09,762
(groans):
Oh!
29
00:02:09,764 --> 00:02:12,164
(whirring louder)
30
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,233
(laughs)
yay! A mess!
31
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,569
Ooh! Can I lick
the ceiling?
(groans): Oh.
32
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:19,672
I was making that cake
for the block party today.
33
00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:21,807
Now there's no choice
but to go...
34
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,576
Store-bought.
35
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,879
(humming)
36
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,421
(over p.A.):
I need a price check on
37
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,923
Gramma shortcut's
store-bought bundt cake.
38
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,258
(crowd gasps)
39
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,329
Keep it!
40
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,197
Let's go!
41
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,833
We've got some put-backs.
42
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,535
Roger dodger, boss.
43
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,937
Hey, don't turn
old man on me.
44
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,773
You know, I used
to be the buyer
45
00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:55,508
For the whole chain--
71 stores.
46
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:56,976
You heard of the a&p?
47
00:02:56,978 --> 00:02:58,811
Well, we used
to be the j&g.
48
00:02:58,813 --> 00:03:02,281
� you like what you see
at the j&g �
49
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:05,484
� they're used to be three,
but we lost the "z" and... �
50
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,887
If I make out with you,
will you shut up?
51
00:03:07,889 --> 00:03:09,955
Ah, give it a shot.
(moans)
52
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,224
You know, we used to
give out gray stamps.
53
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,726
Remember green stamps?
54
00:03:13,728 --> 00:03:15,027
Ours was gray.
55
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,568
Attention block
party losers!
56
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,970
We are ear poison!
57
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:28,174
(electric guitar riff plays)
58
00:03:28,176 --> 00:03:32,011
� there were bells
on a hill �
59
00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:36,248
� but I never
heard them ringing �
60
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,316
� no, I never... �
61
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,519
(gasps)
62
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,154
(british accent):
We must have the same recipe.
63
00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:43,856
Drive to store,
buy cheap cake,
64
00:03:43,858 --> 00:03:45,091
Serves them right.
65
00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:46,592
Booth wilkes-john.
66
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,828
My wife and I
just moved here from london.
67
00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:50,429
Marge simpson.
68
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,032
Congratulations on
little king george.
69
00:03:53,034 --> 00:03:56,235
Well, marge, my wife and I
are hosting a get-to-know-you
70
00:03:56,237 --> 00:04:00,005
Game night on Saturday next-- or
as you call it, next Saturday.
71
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,041
Ooh! Game night?
72
00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:03,709
You know? Adult games.
73
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,613
Well, not "adult games,"
fun games, like charades--
74
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,582
Or as you call it,
pictionary.
75
00:04:09,584 --> 00:04:11,250
It sounds like fun.
76
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,185
I'll just tell homer and...
77
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,722
Homer,
for the last time,
78
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,057
Do not drink
the yahtzee dice.
79
00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:19,125
Fine.
80
00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:20,893
(grunts)
81
00:04:20,895 --> 00:04:22,294
Ooh! Doubles.
82
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,563
Mm, I don't know.
83
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,633
We have church the next morning,
starts at 11:00.
84
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,535
Oh, we're going
to the game night.
85
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,704
Moving church
to Monday afternoon.
86
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,239
(groans)
87
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:35,941
Well, if you change your mind,
please let us know.
88
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,777
We could become
"couples friends."
89
00:04:37,779 --> 00:04:41,080
Now, let me try some of
ned flanders' no alarm chili.
90
00:04:41,082 --> 00:04:42,982
You'll only taste
the spoon.
91
00:04:42,984 --> 00:04:44,116
Brilliant.
92
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,654
Why don't we have
any couples friends?
93
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,889
(groans)
94
00:04:49,891 --> 00:04:53,325
Because...
Couples friends are a myth,
95
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,961
Started by restaurants
with tables for four.
96
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,730
I want friends!
97
00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,064
Any friends.
98
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,266
Okay, sweetie.
99
00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:01,500
I'll call the van houtens.
100
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,102
Not the van houtens.
But...
101
00:05:03,104 --> 00:05:05,437
They're always bragging
about their trip to rome.
102
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,240
It was 12 years ago,
and it was a layover.
103
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,109
I want new friends.
104
00:05:10,111 --> 00:05:11,777
Lisa: Can I make
an observation?
105
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,679
I'm okay with
no friends.
106
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,447
It's easier to focus,
107
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:19,018
And it'll give me great material
for whatever art form I choose.
108
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:21,587
Right now,
I'm thinking long novella.
109
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,588
Good night.
110
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:25,825
Okay with no friends?
111
00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:27,760
That's the saddest thing
I can imagine
112
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,328
My daughter saying to me.
113
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,696
Bart:
I can think of worse.
114
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,198
The saddest thing would be
115
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,933
If you were driving
and texting lisa
116
00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:35,434
And you hit her.
117
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,204
And the last thing she
texted before she died was,
118
00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:40,206
"I got your message."
119
00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:41,774
Good night.
120
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,845
Well, they all
make good points.
121
00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:49,114
Announcer:
And now, the moment of truth
122
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,683
On topiary wars.
123
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:04,029
This taj mahal should be
floated down the ganges.
124
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,364
I'm sorry, cathy.
125
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,799
Turn in your shears and ladders.
126
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,702
Come and get 'em!
(laughs maniacally)
127
00:06:09,704 --> 00:06:10,903
(grunting)
128
00:06:10,905 --> 00:06:12,738
Oh! Thank you.
129
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,241
Why was that on the
military history channel?
130
00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:17,076
We're going to that game party,
131
00:06:17,078 --> 00:06:19,378
And we're going to be
charming and witty.
132
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,380
You're not going to
eat too much,
133
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,816
And we're not going to
stay too late.
134
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:26,886
Marge: You will not sing
unless there's a sing-along,
135
00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:30,422
And never take the tray
out of the caterer's hand.
136
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,058
Don't be too loud,
and don't be too quiet.
137
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,995
When you're too quiet,
you get that psycho look.
138
00:06:35,997 --> 00:06:37,229
(jittering)
139
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,764
And stay in the living room.
140
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,767
Don't go to their kids' room
and watch a basketball game.
141
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,269
Can I check out
what toys they have?
142
00:06:43,271 --> 00:06:44,370
No.
143
00:06:44,372 --> 00:06:45,404
(groans)
144
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,573
Dinner party
at the neighbors'.
145
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,241
At least I can drink.
146
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,609
One drink.
147
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,445
Wha...?!
Walking distance, marge!
148
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:56,515
I've been looking forward
to this all week.
149
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,585
Duffman: Don't show your wife
this app!
150
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,753
Powering down!
151
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,758
You were charming
enough to win me,
152
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,460
And that day you didn't
have a drink in you.
153
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,702
Marge! Homer!
154
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:19,238
Mwah! Mwah!
155
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,206
(quietly):
Homer.
156
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,310
You know, I have more cheeks.
(chuckles)
157
00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:26,612
I'd like you to meet
my wife wallis.
158
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,047
(deep voice):
How ya doin'?
159
00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:30,916
Wallis has unearthed the most
delightful entertainment
160
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,985
To thrill us for hours on end.
161
00:07:32,987 --> 00:07:36,288
It's a murder mystery,
and we're all suspects.
162
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,723
(crowd gasps)
163
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:41,560
Great! I've always wanted
to try and solve a crime.
164
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,962
(crowd gasps)
165
00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:45,230
Please, everyone,
read your bio.
166
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,632
(gasps)
167
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:49,902
I am a humble farmer
from yorkshire.
168
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,604
Humble I can be!
169
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,139
That's the spirit!
170
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,308
Wallis and I have found
this game to provide
171
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,978
A full evening of
divertissement,
172
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:01,580
Building in suspense
to a masterful climax.
173
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,082
We've rented costumes
174
00:08:03,084 --> 00:08:06,285
You'll find accurate to period
and conducive to character.
175
00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:08,454
We will serve food and wine
176
00:08:08,456 --> 00:08:11,090
Appropriate to period
and palette.
177
00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:12,491
(excited murmuring)
178
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:15,928
We've programmed music
to cover every dramatic event.
179
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,596
Hired a foley artist.
180
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,431
(steady galloping)
181
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,967
I believe the mare
has a slight limp.
182
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,936
(erratic galloping)
183
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:25,938
Yes. Yes!
184
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:30,709
So, for the next three hours,
I welcome you to the moors of...
185
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,844
Question.
186
00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,012
Uh, it says here
187
00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:34,680
The murderer is
admiral wainsworth.
188
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,781
Who's that?
189
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,116
(crowd groaning, murmuring)
190
00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:39,785
You've... You-you've given away
the game!
191
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,186
Well, you know...
192
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,388
Why you...!
193
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,023
(both grunting)
194
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,960
Thank you so much!
195
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:51,563
Now wallis will once again
withdraw into melancholia!
196
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,166
(monotonous):
Birth, school, work, death.
197
00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:56,902
Worth, drool, shirk, breath.
198
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,405
Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth.
199
00:08:59,407 --> 00:09:02,241
Just so you know, homer,
you were going to be
200
00:09:02,243 --> 00:09:05,144
A dashing russian count
with multiple lovers!
201
00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:08,147
Well, as we
say in russia,
202
00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:09,681
"good-bye in russian!"
203
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,250
Do svidaniya!
204
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:21,093
Uh, nice night
for a walk.
205
00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:22,261
(sighs)
206
00:09:22,263 --> 00:09:25,697
I'd like to be alone
for a while.
207
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,499
You want to be
more alone?
208
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:28,834
Yes.
209
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,174
More?
Mm-hmm.
210
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,578
What the...?! D'oh!
211
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,080
(groaning)
212
00:09:41,082 --> 00:09:43,482
That's good.
213
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,087
Okay, I slept on the couch
214
00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:50,122
And I flipped
the sweaty cushions over.
215
00:09:50,124 --> 00:09:52,124
What else can I do?
It's okay.
216
00:09:52,126 --> 00:09:54,460
I mean, those people didn't even
want us at that party
217
00:09:54,462 --> 00:09:56,261
In the first place.
218
00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:00,432
I think it's time we learn
to live with being ostracized.
219
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,800
Mmm...
220
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,970
Don't you dare say
"ostrich eyes"!
221
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,139
Because... Uh...
222
00:10:07,141 --> 00:10:08,607
Oh! Oh, okay, okay!
223
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,875
What should we do?
224
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,477
Nothing. I give up.
225
00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:13,378
No more dinner parties.
226
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,648
Our whole social life
will be us watching tv
227
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,484
And you going to moe's.
228
00:10:18,486 --> 00:10:20,986
I see.
229
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,422
(quietly):
Woo-hoo!
230
00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:24,656
(rattles)
231
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,627
Well, if that's
how you think it has to be.
232
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,162
Yes, for us.
233
00:10:30,164 --> 00:10:31,830
But not for lisa.
234
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,332
Never for lisa.
235
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,734
We're going to help
her make friends.
236
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,169
It might be easier with maggie.
237
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:39,972
She's always getting letters
from the day care center.
238
00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:41,507
Those are
past-due bills.
239
00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:44,143
They'll get
their blood money.
240
00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:47,513
And lisa will get a friend.
241
00:10:47,515 --> 00:10:49,515
After this,
we'll do makeovers.
242
00:10:49,517 --> 00:10:51,183
(groans)
243
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,455
So where are
all the friends?
244
00:10:56,457 --> 00:10:57,923
I don't know.
245
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,826
I invited everyone
that lisa's ever met.
246
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,495
Who are you?
Gus huebner.
247
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,665
I was on lisa's coed soccer team
two years ago.
248
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,268
Well, lisa's gonna be here
in five minutes,
249
00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:12,104
And the only kid who showed up
is gus freakin' huebner.
250
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,772
Watch
your mouth.
(groans)
251
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,441
Oh, no, you're
right, homer. Abort!
252
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,010
Abort!
Oh, no.
253
00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:20,846
I was the only chump who
showed up at this train wreck.
254
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,948
Well, I'm not leaving
till I get a party.
255
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,951
Fine, fine. Homer,
give him a party.
256
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:29,188
(the streets of san francisco
theme playing)
257
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,970
(homer shouts)
258
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,582
Gus huebner?
259
00:11:56,584 --> 00:11:58,450
Is that you?
260
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,587
(chuckles):
I wish.
261
00:12:01,589 --> 00:12:03,822
That kid can play youth soccer.
262
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,262
Are you guys okay?
263
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:11,997
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm fine.
264
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,599
Yeah. That's...
Nothing's going on.
265
00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:15,400
Right, right.
Nothing.
266
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,201
What's for dinner?
267
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,936
Pizza. Mmm.
268
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,238
Lots of pizza.
269
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:32,351
So, as her teacher, I was
wondering if you could tell me
270
00:12:32,353 --> 00:12:35,787
Why lisa has such
trouble making friends.
271
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,457
Marge, this is
when I normally eat lunch.
272
00:12:38,459 --> 00:12:42,127
So I'll just tell you
lisa is... Unique.
273
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,196
And we're done.
274
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,269
All right. For some reason,
275
00:12:50,271 --> 00:12:53,538
Square dancing is a part
of the gym curriculum.
276
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,941
Now, I'm gonna open the divider
to the girls' gym,
277
00:12:55,943 --> 00:13:00,212
And if you don't find a dance
partner within ten seconds,
278
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:04,316
There is something very wrong
with you!
279
00:13:04,318 --> 00:13:06,451
� �
280
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,729
Hmm.
281
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:18,797
(groans)
282
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:20,866
Aw.
283
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:23,835
That's tough
luck, lisa.
284
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,071
Looks like you're dancing
with groundskeeper willie.
285
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,739
Careful of your toes.
286
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,274
I got me cleats on!
287
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,243
I'll dance
with lisa.
288
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,812
Tumi? But you're from
the other second grade.
289
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,548
We only come together
for tornado drills.
290
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,786
(groans)
god, I hate square dancing.
291
00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:43,588
It ain't gym class
if a fat kid's not crying.
292
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,923
Let's do this thing.
293
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,858
(plucking notes)
294
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,361
(playing lively music)
295
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,466
� swing your partner,
swing her hard �
296
00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:56,335
� do-si-do while I bombard �
297
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,637
Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha!
298
00:13:58,639 --> 00:14:00,972
� do-si-do while I bombard �
299
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,808
� oh, thank god,
the clock says 3:00 �
300
00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,643
� 'cause I have to take a pee. �
301
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:05,977
(school bell ringing)
302
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,312
Finally.
303
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,648
That was fun.
Yeah, it kind of was.
304
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:12,384
But I won't push it,
I promise. See ya.
305
00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:14,553
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um, I was going
306
00:14:14,555 --> 00:14:16,955
To all sales vinyl
after school.
307
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,290
The vintage record store?
308
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,125
Yeah. You want to come with me?
309
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,294
At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
310
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,162
Yes, yes, yes!
311
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,465
("stolen moments"
by oliver nelson playing)
312
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:31,036
(strained):
They will fit. They will fit.
313
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,938
(grunts)
yes!
314
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,411
Hmm. Nobody likes jazz
that much.
315
00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:41,913
Even the guy playing it
had to take drugs.
316
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,648
It's so much fun
317
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,484
To finally have a friend
who likes the npr show
318
00:14:45,486 --> 00:14:48,253
Wait wait... Don't tell me!
As much as I do.
319
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:51,089
Peter sagal: So, carl kasell,
how did the house minority whip
320
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,924
Do on our news quiz?
321
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,260
Carl kasell: Well, peter,
he got two out of three right,
322
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:58,263
So he wins me
recording his outgoing message.
323
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,265
Man: Oh, that's okay. Really.
No, no, no. Please don't.
324
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,033
Kasell:
It's not optional.
325
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,002
(both giggling)
326
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,606
See, marge?
327
00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:09,674
Problems will
work themselves out
328
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,376
If you just
leave them alone.
329
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:12,544
Mm-hmm.
330
00:15:12,546 --> 00:15:13,745
Want some more smoothie?
331
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,815
As long as you load up
on the kale and chia.
332
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,953
Oh, no one likes
veggie smoothies that much.
333
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,522
Or at all. Hmm.
334
00:15:23,524 --> 00:15:25,424
Something's fishy
about that girl,
335
00:15:25,426 --> 00:15:27,692
And I'm gonna follow her
till I find out what.
336
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,594
And I'm gonna
help you.
337
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,397
I think I'll need you back at
headquarters manning the phones.
338
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,466
Great. What do I say?
339
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,467
Just let 'em ring.
340
00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:36,635
Got it!
341
00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:38,637
� they smile in your face �
342
00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:40,572
� all the time they want
to take your place �
343
00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:42,574
� the backstabbers �
344
00:15:42,576 --> 00:15:44,976
� backstabbers �
345
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,278
� they smile in your face �
346
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,480
� all the time they want
to take your place �
347
00:15:48,482 --> 00:15:50,882
� the backstabbers �
348
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,717
� backstabbers �
349
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,120
� all you fellas
who have someone �
350
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,456
� and you really care �
351
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,558
� yeah, yeah �
352
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,894
� then it's
all of you fellas... �
353
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,170
� low-down, dirty. �
354
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,243
What do you want?
355
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,611
I've got two things for you.
356
00:16:19,613 --> 00:16:21,279
This envelope will
change your life
357
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,281
For the low, low
price of five dollars,
358
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,784
And I'll throw in a
piece of great advice.
359
00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:27,853
Tempted?
360
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,289
What's the advice?
361
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,991
Don't open
the envelope.
362
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,060
(snickers)
363
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,732
Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick.
364
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,873
(gasps)
365
00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,875
Mom paid her to be my friend?
366
00:16:49,877 --> 00:16:51,943
(crying)
367
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,781
That's mine.
368
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,783
It's for my
library card.
369
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,619
(groans)
370
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,792
You don't want
to be here.
371
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,461
(whimpers)
neither do you!
372
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:10,896
(whimpers)
373
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:18,236
Mom, how could you pay
someone to be my friend?
374
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,739
Answer me!
375
00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:24,376
Oh, I wouldn't say I paid
someone to be your friend.
376
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:27,245
I just gave her money
for records and ice cream.
377
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,247
Homer:
You gave away ice cream?!
378
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,516
I would've found
a friend eventually.
379
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:35,253
You couldn't wait a damn decade
until I got into college?
380
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,588
(crying)
381
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:39,591
Oh, lisa. Lisa, wait!
382
00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:41,226
(crying)
383
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,594
Oh, god, oh, god.
384
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:45,063
I'm the smart parent.
385
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:50,368
I'm sorry she rejected
your "I'm sorry" cake,
386
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,703
But, in a way, I'm not.
387
00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:55,106
I guess what I'm trying to say
is I like cake.
388
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,775
Marge, don't feel bad.
389
00:17:56,777 --> 00:17:59,411
You did what any parent
would do.
390
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,580
No, I think
I went too far.
391
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:03,548
Let me tell you a little story
392
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:07,252
About a chubby unpopular boy
named homer.
393
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,754
Is that the boy
you named me after?
394
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,590
It is you,
you idiot!
395
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:12,958
Whoa.
Little homer had
396
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,859
A devil of a time
making friends.
397
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,928
No one wanted to come visit him.
398
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:20,231
So I decided to take mattersinto my own hands.
399
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,400
I paid a couple of boys,
400
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:26,905
Lenny and carl,to make my homer feel loved.
401
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:30,475
A relationshipI continued to this day.
402
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,044
You pay lenny and carl
to be my friends?!
403
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:35,981
Yes, but barney's
yours for nothing.
404
00:18:35,983 --> 00:18:37,482
Aw.
Hmm.
405
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,551
Well, that makes me
feel better.
406
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:40,919
(lock clicks)
407
00:18:40,921 --> 00:18:42,554
Lisa's door is unlocked!
408
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,091
Dad, is that story
really true?
409
00:18:46,093 --> 00:18:47,425
(laughs)
410
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,260
I wouldn't pay
ten cents to a lion
411
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,096
To stop him
from eating you!
412
00:18:51,098 --> 00:18:52,163
(groans)
413
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,069
Lisa, just say
something to me.
414
00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,571
I'm gonna tell
every psychiatrist
415
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,606
I ever go to
what you did.
416
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,576
(voice breaking):
A mother's greatest fear.
417
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,778
(crying)
418
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,447
Lisa:
Wow, I made mom cry.
419
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,650
What unimaginable power.
420
00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:14,152
I can use thisto get anything I want.
421
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,821
But right now, all I want
422
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,258
Is for mom to stop crying.
423
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,793
Mom, stop! Stop!
424
00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:25,030
Stop. I'm sorry.
425
00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:26,031
Oh...
426
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,599
Please stop!
427
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,467
(cries, snorts)
428
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,036
(sighs)
429
00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:33,038
You're not mad anymore?
430
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,606
I'm fine. Fine.
431
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,774
It's funny, but...
432
00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:38,610
Hurting your feelings
made me feel better.
433
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,545
Mm, try to forget that.
434
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,814
But when I grow up,
I'll find other weird kids,
435
00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:46,117
And we will have the most
intense relationships ever.
436
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,553
And I'll always
love you.
437
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,821
Aw.
438
00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:51,690
Happy mother's day.
439
00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:54,392
Mother's day?!
Mother's day?! Crap!
440
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,798
Okay,
441
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,666
Initially I was just
gonna be your friend
442
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,334
Till I could
afford a nice belt.
443
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,836
But I like you, lisa,
444
00:20:04,838 --> 00:20:07,072
And I want to keep
being friends with you.
445
00:20:07,074 --> 00:20:08,640
Great. But from now on,
446
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,376
We have to be totally honest
with each other.
447
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,044
You're absolutely right.
448
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,046
I'm not really a vegetarian.
449
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,748
Have you ever tried horse meat?
450
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,817
They eat it raw in japan, and...
451
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,494
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
452
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,600
Shh!
30847
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