All language subtitles for The Politician S02E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

This is today.

Your current approval rating
is 91 percent,

higher than Michelle Obama,

Oprah, golden retriever puppies,
and orgasms.

Who are these insane nine percent
of people

who don't like those things?

Some people just like
to watch the world burn.

I mean, Lyndon LaRouche got votes
in the '92 presidential campaign,

and he was running from jail.

All I know is that JFK had to get shot
to pull these numbers.

My mother said that she had an affair
with JFK at the Mayflower Hotel,

but she was a habitual liar.

My son has wanted to be in politics
since he was a child.

I know.

I actually worked for his competition

on the Saint Sebastian
student body president campaign.

He's the one who recommended me to you
for this job.

Oh, yes. Forgive me, sweetheart.

I have a thing
where I forget young people.

It's a tic I have.

I never understood the draw of politics.

It's so transactional.

So much work to get support
from people whom you don't even respect.

But I understand it now.

There are jobs that feed the ego,
and there are jobs that make a difference.

Politics does both.

It's vanity without the bitter aftertaste.

I would strike while the iron's hot

and come up with some normally
impossible-to-accomplish policy proposals.

Voters would follow you into battle

or even give up chocolate for you
at this point.

But that doesn't sound fun.

How about...

we bury all of the power lines
to prevent wildfires?

No.

- Okay, no. Something more bold.
- Yeah.

Um...

How about we ban plastic
from the state of California?

Checkpoints at every border crossing.

The Great Pacific Plastic Garbage Patch
is over 80,000 tons and growing.

I refuse to let the future
independent nation of California

- contribute even one ounce.
- Mmm.

- Ah, ma'am, your ice bath is ready.
- Oh!

Excellent.

I will not be satisfied

until that approval rating reaches
100 percent.

I can't see what could get in your way,
ma'am.

Mrs. McCutcheon, you're awake.

How long have I been here?

You've been in a coma
for almost three years.

We need to call the doctors.

No, you need to call the press.

But first, I'm gonna need hair and makeup.

Do you want us to contact your husband?

No. No.

That dickwad can hear what I have to say
with the rest of the world.

Anyone see you?

Not yet.
If you don't open the door, they will.

Okay.

I have something. It's good.
I don't know how good,

- but good.
- Okay.

- All right. Lay it on me.
- "Lay it on me"? Who are you?

Just, what is it?

Okay, so Dede's ahead, right?

So, there's basically nothing
for me to do over there.

I mean, there's nothing for anyone to do.

And you know I'm a woman, right?

- Yes.
- Like, you know

I have a woman's intuition,
how that's an actual thing?

Okay, so there's something up
with Hadassah.

At first, I was like, no, she's happy

because she's going to win,
but then I realized

no, she's different.

Frappuccino, Sherry.

- I'll take that if you don't want it.
- No! She put something in it.

She used to just bark at me.

Hey!

And then suddenly,
she seemed to almost like me.

McAfee, come in here.

Do you know anything about spicy lube?

I'm sorry, what?

You know, like for... intercourse?

Do you mean warming lube?

Because I'm pretty sure spicy
wouldn't feel good down there.

Yeah! Yeah, that's it.

Where it's tingly for him and her.

- Have you ever tried it?
- No.

But I've seen it at the store.

Oh, great. I need you to go get me some.
But don't bring it back here, okay?

Bring it to my place
and leave it with the doorman.

No, don't. Don't, don't, don't.
He'll look inside. Tell you what...

just leave it in the nightstand,
next to my bed.

Right side, top drawer. Got it?

- Sure.
- And don't tell anyone

you got me spicy lube, got it?

- Got it.
- Okay.

Good. Go!

We're gonna call this...

"Operation...

Spicy Lube."

- Hello?
- So, she's obviously

having sex with someone, right?

And I'm dying to find out who it is.

Not even for the campaign,
just for, like, myself.

I was fascinated.

So she's got this closet, right?

So many shoes.

Like, so many.

It's like she went to Bergdorf's
and bought out the place.

No way she's worn half of them.

- I don't care about the shoes.
- Fine.

Then I saw that half of her closet
is formal wear,

stuff that she's probably touched
once a month.

And I knew
she didn't have an event that night.

You didn't.

I did.

All right.

What have we got here?
Let's see, let's see.

Okay.

Oh, it's your lucky night, baby girl.

So she got back around 9:00,

and she picked out
this sexy little number.

She talked to herself the whole time,

and then at around 9:30, he shows up.

Who?

William.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Threesome William?

The spicy lube, both of them loved it.

Like, really loved it.

Like, it seemed so effective
that I might consider trying it.

In fact, I'm going to.

Stop talking about the lube. Hold up.

You just, what? You stayed all night?

Just until they fell asleep.

They're both crazy snorers,
so I knew they wouldn't hear.

- Good night.
- Doorman saw me,

but he didn't think anything of it.
It was, like, 10:30.

I called you, then I came straight here.

I mean, I don't know
if this wins us the race,

but if we leak
the whole throuple thing is a sham,

I mean, that's so weird.

That's, like, a crazy lie for her to tell.

And like it or not,
voters don't tolerate a woman

whom they perceive as a liar.

They'll accept it from a man,

but I think it makes Dede look underhanded
and craven.

It destroys her whole
"older women are sexy" thing.

I mean, she's gonna have to explain
what's going on.

I think she loses ten points

and still wins, but by 15 instead of 25.

And suddenly,
you're set up for the next campaign.

No, this is big.

This could push her out of the race.

This is exactly what we needed!

This is our Hail Mary.

Okay.

I'm getting dressed.
I know what the next move is.

You have a second?

Get in here.

You...

- have got to try it.
- What?

The spicy lube. It's...

oh, boy! Spicy.

Yeah, I just wanted to tell you

I was at the front desk,
and some guy called,

William, I think he said.
Um, he said he was trying to reach you,

- but his phone was dying.
- Oh!

Said it was urgent.
Something about a proposal?

What?

- A proposal?
- Yeah. I don't know what it would be.

Um, maybe he's an outside contractor
for the campaign.

Anyway, he's at Balthazar.

Okay, I'll be back.

Hadassah!

Hi!

- What are you doing here?
- Just sit. I'll explain.

So, here's what's going on.

You and Dede are lying.

There is no throuple

because you're in a relationship
with William, who clearly is not here now.

You son of a bitch.

So, we have some options.

I could go to The New York Times.

It's splashed across the front pages
the last few days of the election.

Dede wins, but not by much.

She loses the VP slot,

and I live to see another campaign.

- Oh, you slimy little...
- Mm-hmm.

Or you could get her to pull out.

Right? She can't be all that jazzed
about yet another two years

as "majority leader," you know?

And she keeps her VP hopes alive.

You arrogant little prick.

Just hang on one second.
There's also you personally.

I really think it's you
that's in the most danger.

Dede Standish's sloppy seconds?

Not a good look.
And whatever she does decide to do,

it's not like she can take you
along with her.

Your career will be... over.

You hateful, double-dealing little futz.

Yep, yep, yep. Just one more thing.

So it's Friday now.
Uh, the election is Tuesday.

So you have 12 hours,
and then I will go to the press.

Oh, you can go now.

- You know what?
- Mmm?

Four days left. Dede is so far ahead,

she drops out today, she still wins.

Candidates who die before election day
have been known to win.

Yeah, but think about it.

You know, your voters, no offense,
they skew a little bit older, right?

And she made such a thing
of this throuple,

this sexual,
powerful woman of a certain age.

I'm sure it caused
many a conversation over dinner,

probably even caused some people
to express very strong opinions about it

to their spouses, to their friends.

So for that to now be exposed as a lie,

as a weird political ploy...

I think a lot of her voters stay home
on Tuesday.

Wouldn't you say?

You're good.

I give you that.

You're going places.

- I even admire you a little bit.
- Now get out.

But you forgot one thing.

What is that?

I'm not telling you.

Run your story.

I don't give a shit.

Thank you for suggesting we take a walk.

Nothing works better to clear the mind.

I think it was, um, Henry David Thoreau
who said...

I'm pregnant.

Okay, no. I don't think he ever said that.

Not Thoreau. Me.

Your child grows in my womb.

Okay. Okay, okay.
The suddenness of this news

has made me numb to any feelings about it,
good or bad.

So, while my emotions recover,

let's just discuss
how exactly this happened.

I mean, we always use condoms.

Not always.

As you know, I meditate every morning
before getting out of bed.

It calms and energizes me for the day,

but it also creates a oneness
with my reproductive system

that allows me to know
the days when I'm fertile.

The days when I'm sure it's safe
are the days when I allow you to enter me

without protection.

Usually.

This month, I may have been...

less cautious than usual.

Why?

I don't know.

I think it's possible that I've...

subconsciously been feeling
jealous of Astrid.

Perhaps on that day,
I was feeling particularly needy

to have something
that she's never had with you...

the closeness of unprotected sex.

I know I made you withdraw,

but apparently, you were a little late.

But it's all right.
I've thought it all through.

- What do you mean?
- First of all,

abortion is a political liability.

Not in true blue New York,

but in a national campaign,
it's dangerous.

Mmm.

What always works, however,
locally and nationally,

is the joy of a young, attractive family.

- JFK, the Obamas.
- Mmm.

We should tell no one,

not even our team.

Then the night before the election,
we should announce the pregnancy

and our engagement,

simultaneously.

Contrast our youth and fertility
with Dede's menopausal campaign.

You're right.

You're right. This is good.

Wait, we... we haven't even discussed
how we feel about it.

This is great.

I'm really happy.

Me too.

I'll need to go shopping to buy
new clothes

to accentuate my baby bump.

And I'm setting a meeting to break it off
with Astrid.

Engaged, pregnant couples don't have
threesomes unless they work in music.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

Wow.

- Names. What do you think?
- Well...

- I was thinking John or Payton Junior...
- Well...

- Payton Junior. Mmm.
- For a boy.

Oh, my God! Oh, that's unbelievable.

I feel like I'm 25 again.

I... I... Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

- I can't believe it.
- Oh...

Suddenly, this marriage makes sense again.

- Mmm...
- I love you, Dede.

- Happy to be of service.
- Oh!

Happy to be served.

This... This is... unbelievable.

I don't miss William at all.

I get to be the filling
in the ice cream sandwich again.

Who wants a drink?

- I do.
- Okay.

- Yes? Okay.
- Me too.

You are fine.

But are you fine signing the NDA, right?

- 'Cause this...
- He...

- cannot get out.
- Yeah.

- Absolutely.
- Oh. Ahh...

Ahh...

I can't believe this.

I... It was just so organic.

And you were making eyes at us
across the restaurant.

Well, I knew from the news
that you two were a little kinky, so...

- Oh...
- I just came over.

You know,

this needs to be a thing,

- but not just a one-time thing.
- Mmm.

- Here, here.
- Yeah.

You're not going anywhere.

Mmm...

Oh!

- God! Here. Hold that, sweetheart.
- Yeah, sure. Got it.

Oh.

Yeah?

Wait, just s... slow down.

I can't understand you.

Oh... Okay, we'll... we'll be right there.

It's Hadassah. She's freaking out.

- About what?
- I don't know.

- We'll find out.
- Here.

In a while.

I can't believe it!
So he knows everything.

It's all my fault.

I should've picked up the spicy lube
on my way home.

I'm across the street from a Duane Reade!

No, I blame the both of you.

The three of us were fine.

We were together, happy,

and on our way to the fucking White House!

I'll resign. I'll hold a press conference,
admit I had an affair,

say you knew nothing about it.
Dede can play the victim,

I'll be the bad guy.
And my career will be over.

No! Hold on.

Listen, these past couple of weeks,
they've been a real emotional whirlwind.

Am I expected to... what? Just...
Just be a part of the throuple again, or…?

Uh, well, I don't quite know...

- how to put this...
- We found someone else.

- What?!
- Jesus Christ, are you serious?

How could you do that to me?

Oh, so now we're the bad guys.

You dumped us, William!

- This is sick! We're all sick!
- No...

I used to be a nice Jewish girl
from Paramus.

Now I'm part of this?

This isn't even a love triangle.

It's like a... a sex pentagram!

Okay, everybody, calm down!

First of all, it's not gross to be over 50

- and still have sexual urges.
- Mmm.

You keep saying that
like we were 51 or something.

We're way over 50, Dede.

- Maybe it is gross.
- Just stop it. I'm still the boss.

I don't want you to resign.

I don't accept that.

What else can we do, Dede? Come on.

Someone's gotta fall on a sword here
to win this race

and get Tino to say yes.

I... I understand, um...

but I... I'm not gonna
decide on that tonight.

I wanna sleep on it.

Mmm.

What? What is it?

Mary!

- Mary!
- Mary! Mary!

Mary McCutcheon woke up.

Thank you for coming.

My name is Mary Moskowitz McCutcheon,

wife of Senator Tino McCutcheon.

And as I'm sure you all know,

I have spent the last several years
in a coma,

following the side effects
of a severe case of trichinosis.

And... let me just take a moment to say

to all the children of the world,

never accept a pulled pork taco
from someone you don't know.

Now, as you can see, I am now recovered.

And based on the things
that I heard Tino say to me and to others,

I am filing for divorce.

From the very first days
of my incapacitation,

Tino McCutcheon repeatedly asked
the hospital staff

if, were they to pull the plug,

exactly which plug would it be?

And then, as it became clear

that my hospitalization would be long
and the outcome uncertain,

my husband took to whispering things
in my ear, like...

Really go to sleep, sweetheart.

This is costing an arm and a leg,
you know.

Walk into the light, Mary.

Come on.

After his successful Senate campaign,

Tino took to telling me...

I mean Senate, it's boring as shit,

but two years from now,
I'm running for president,

so, if you wouldn't mind...

moving this process along.

And most recently,

my husband took to describing
his sexual conquests

with a one Georgina Hobart.

I mean, that ass,

it just hangs there,

all perky like gravity doesn't affect it
or something.

And the sex is just...

oh, it's just head and shoulders
above you, darling.

You used to kind of just...

lay on me.

I didn't think about it much at the time,

but now I'm like,
you just weren't good at sex.

I'm actually kinda...

"pissed about it."

End quote.

To the people of Texas,

to my fellow citizens
all across this land,

you should be afraid.

Tino McCutcheon is a monster,

and he is dangerous.

I fear for the future of this country.

- What the fuck?
- He wanted her to die.

Oh. Oh, wow.

Mmm, yeah, this... this is a problem.

A problem?

Dede, this is like
a four-alarm dumpster fire,

but the only thing in the dumpster
is manure!

- How do you mean?
- What? Are you high?

This is two kinds of horrible!

Number one, our campaign is,
and I'm putting this delicately,

not exactly where we wanted to be

- four days out, and number two...
- But...

Tino is a monster
who's shtupping Georgina Hobart!

- So?
- So?

So, she's a younger woman
running for office, likely to win.

It's obvious he's grooming her!

He's gonna pick her!

Not necessarily.

He's not dead yet,

and particularly if she's on his side,

she's the most Teflon candidate
I've ever seen.

If anybody can drag him out of this,

- it's her.
- Oh, Dede...

- Dede... Please, Dede.
- As you just heard, Carter,

the senator is alleged to have claimed

that intercourse with Georgina Hobart was,

quote, "Head and shoulders above you,
darling,"

and that he is, again I'm quoting,
"actually kind of pissed about it."

This is all a bunch of bullshit!

We shouldn't have
lined the computers up like that.

James, I get it, okay?
I understand why you're upset.

Because you left me out of the most
important decision of your campaign?

Because you made us look like fools
without letting us know what was going on?

- You're the only one who is upset.
- It worked. We have a shot now.

Sorry to interrupt,

but Mary McCutcheon just woke up
from her coma,

and Tino is dating your mom.

- I don't have the bandwidth for that now.
- It's okay.

- Copy.
- I don't know

if I trust you anymore, any of you.

What else are you doing
that you are not cluing me in on?

I don't know if I wanna work
for a campaign

where I don't trust anybody!

Boo-hoo, James! Then quit.

You should be saying, "Thank you, McAfee,
for buying spicy lube and hiding

in a walk-in closet for literally hours,
listening to loud, acrobatic sex

between a bisexual man
and a 63-year-old woman.

Maybe you saved the campaign."

- Can I have your vape pen?
- Why?

I'd like to puff on it.
I'm trying to calm down.

I quit.

- Wait, really?
- When?

Just a couple of weeks ago.

It's a personal choice,
it's not a big deal.

Okay, can I remind everyone
that I'm still mad?

Okay, James, I'm gonna send
tough love your way right now, okay?

The reason you're upset,
it's because I placed my trust in McAfee

and not in you.

And do you know why?
It's because I know what you'd say.

You'd say, "Don't do it." Right?

You are risk-averse, James.

When it really comes down to it,
you're not a killer.

And because you felt the campaign
to be over,

you showed zero interest

in spending the last day and a half
registering young black and brown voters,

which we, everyone else, did.

And now we've got almost 500 people
who've never voted

headed to the polls on Tuesday.

Okay, all right. I get it.
Everybody, stop talking.

I get it. I'm the worst,
and I'm not mad anymore.

And we didn't need those computers
anyway, so let's just drop it.

But next time, please,

can you actually keep me informed
as to what is going on?

- No.
- McAfee.

Fine.

Fine.

Oh, God. Guys?

I just want to say that what you two did
has thrown our entire life into chaos.

The past 24 hours, I've had to watch
the woman I love endure more than anyone...

I'm sorry, I just have to ask,
is she really the woman you love?

Because she's, like,
40 years older than you.

Well, that's ignorant and ageist.
How dare you?

Am I surprised as you that it happened?
Absolutely.

But after what you did,
for you to sit there and...

Okay, okay, uh, let's not get sidetracked,
all right?

Look, William,

I'm honestly so very sorry

that this campaign has stooped
to this level, and when it's over,

I think that we all have
some serious soul-searching to do.

But can I please just ask you:
what exactly brings you here?

I'm here to make an offer,

in exchange for you dropping this thing
with me and Hadassah.

Who is, I'm telling you,
the most loving, warm,

- passionate partner...
- Okay. Okay. What is it?

I'm just gonna say it.

They're in a new throuple already.

- My third of the bed was still warm.
- Wait, really?

I did some digging.
His name is Hamilton. Gross.

And he is, as it turns out,
a PhD candidate of Marcus's.

I'm not sure Dede knows that.

- Wow, okay.
- Another thing

that Dede doesn't know, and I do,
is that Marcus is not the most honest man.

He has, in the last several years,
secretly written papers for undergraduates

at several prestigious universities
across the country in exchange for money.

Kind of a lot of money.

They pay in cash,
and he does not report the income,

but it's in the mid-six figures.

Wait, wait, wait.
You think Dede doesn't know this?

I know she doesn't.

He told me not to tell her.

She's the rare politician
who doesn't do that sort of thing.

She's clean.

Huh.

Which is why I'm telling you.
If this were to get out,

along with the fact that Dede had no idea,

Marcus could be the one
who gets thrown to the wolves,

not Hadassah.

What do you wanna do?

This is exactly
what I'm talking about, guys.

I should be in on this.

Georgina!

Yes, it's true.

I've been having an affair
with Tino McCutcheon.

It's also true
that I am spectacular in bed.

I work unusually hard
for a woman as attractive as I am.

That affair is now over.

I ended it with the following text:

"Loser, bye."

I had no idea
what kind of man Tino really was,

and I would like to apologize
to his recently revived wife.

Thank you.

Georgina!

- Georgina!
- Oh, I have Senator McCutcheon for you.

Please don't do this to me.

At least pretend until after I announce.

You've lost me,
but you don't have to lose your campaign.

You do need a Hail Mary, though.

You need to announce your VP candidate,
and make it a woman.

So, it's not a good look,
to say the least.

I get that.

I did not behave well. That's obvious.

But, and you know, the truth is,

and this is the political angle,
I think, too:

How many people really know what it's like
to have a spouse in a coma?

They have no idea what it's like.

It's a trauma.

And when a person is traumatized,
and they've done studies on this,

that person is literally not themself.

Sure, but you did kind of suggest
to your wife

that if she were to die,

that would sort of be the outcome
you'd prefer.

I didn't want to see her suffer.
And, not to be crass,

that press conference,
I think a lot of people said,

"Well, yeah, if I was married
to that lady, I'd want her to die too."

But that gets me to the polling.

My favorables among the women
has taken a hit, sure.

But among men?

Hasn't moved.

So, really, I'm still in good shape.

Mmm.

And if I were to announce you, and soon,

and you came out in a strong,
full-throated defense,

we think that stops the bleeding.

Wait, I'm con... confused. How soon?

Tuesday night. After you win the election.

You fold it into your acceptance speech

about policy, not personal failings,
being what elections should be about.

We spend the next few days
showing a little leg together.

Then I announce my run
with you on the ticket.

It can all happen really fast.

Okay.

Let me think about it.

I'm so old.

Listen... What... What... What...
What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm not gonna clear out of here
after I do this.

I'm gonna do the press conference
this afternoon

and go straight home
and watch What Women Want.

Would you please stop a beat?

- What is it?
- I'm flying to California.

I'm gonna talk to Georgina Hobart.

Good luck with that.

Not to take anything away from your son

who is an extremely talented politician

with a very bright future,

but if I could just leave you
with these two very important points:

No one has done more for women

in the state of New York than I have,

and by taking me out,

it not only hurts me,
but it sets back the entire struggle.

And second, by weaponizing my throuple,

he's casting judgment on it.

- He's slut-shaming me.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I get all that.

Um, if I'm honest,

the reason that I agreed
to have lunch with you

is because I... am just fascinated

by how this whole throuple thing works.

I mean, I tend to get bored
in relationships very quickly,

and I always thought
that it was a combination of lame choices

and intimacy issues.

But now I'm thinking

that maybe being with one person
is just inevitably boring.

So, I'm happy to get into detail with you
about that,

- but I really think...
- Great, because I was wondering

if you think this works
with two women and one man.

I'm happy to get into that,

but, um, my election is in two days,

and the situation with Payton
is acute and urgent.

Look, you seem great, really,

and, um, I've only been
in this politics thing for a month,

so, mad respect to you

for being in the game so long,
especially as a woman.

But my son, he's his own man.

I don't control him nor would I try to.

It's just... It's not my style as a mother.

You know, his victories are his,
and his mistakes are his.

My mother was like that too,

but that's just because she needed to work
two jobs to put me through Brearley

and, um, pay for our little
one-bedroom apartment

on 111th Street.

And my...

my father left us when I was seven,

and, um, he started a whole new family.

He seemed happy. I would...
I would see him around town sometimes.

Suddenly, you living with two men
makes a lot more sense.

I tell you this not for sympathy

but to let you know that I am a fighter,

and I will do whatever it takes to win,

even if it means hurting your son
to do it.

Sounds great. Should we order something?

Sir?

- Where the fuck is Astrid?
- She wasn't feeling well.

Sorry, I came as fast as I could.

- Okay, good. Now we can start.
- Uh, sorry.

Is McAfee so important
that we can't start a meeting without her?

If I was the last to arrive,
you guys would've started.

- Jesus, James.
- For God's sake.

Okay, everybody,
please just shut up. Okay?

Listen,
I've been thinking very hard about this,

about the campaign so far,

about the futures of every person
in this room,

and what I'm about to do in four hours

when I sit down with Riva Mandel
from the Times.

I think doing this to Dede's wrong.

I agree.

I've thought about it, and I think
that destroying this woman

in this way is wrong,
and I don't think we should do it.

This was your whole thing.

I know, James. I was the one
in that closet, listening to the sex.

Payton, we're way behind,
but your numbers are on the way up.

The focus on climate emergency,

the appeal with young voters,
you have a brand now,

a national brand.

And if you smear this woman
in the way you're about to,

you tarnish that brand,
and I think it's permanent.

Suddenly,
you're not a kid with convictions

who's willing to lose an election
for the sake of those convictions.

You're just a politician
who'll do anything to win,

when what young people want
is authenticity.

You have that now. You have these voters.

You could lose this election,
and they will follow you.

- I can't believe this.
- I'm not so sure you can say

we definitely are gonna lose this one.

We've registered more than 500 new voters.

Who's to say they don't put us
over the top?

They might, but we have to tell her voters
to stay home,

and we do that by going
to The New York Times

and telling them she's swampy.

- But she isn't.
- But she is if her husband is.

She is if her household's collecting
cash payments for college cheating.

This is a no-brainer.

This is the only thing
that's gonna give us a shot.

But what if it doesn't?

You know? What if...

What if we run with this

and it ruins all the work
we've done so far,

and then I still don't win?

You know? Am I still the same candidate
I am right now?

Am I still a rising star,

or am I just a young,

rich asshole...

who played very dirty and still lost?

Alice?

Don't do it.

Win or lose on your own merits.
Fight another day.

- Skye?
- I agree.

We've done a lot of really good work.
Don't ruin it.

- James?
- Does it matter what I think?

- I'm outvoted.
- Yes, I want to know what you think.

I agree.

Don't do it. It's not a good look.

Okay. Okay, James, call Riva,
tell her there is no story.

I need to try and get some sleep.

I'm proud of us, you guys. All right?

This was the right move.

Are we just gonna leave that
there on the table?

Sorry.

We use condoms when we have sex.

Are you sure it's mine?

You're the only people
I've banged in months.

So unless it's some
immaculate conception...

Condoms are only 98.8 percent effective.

So I guess your swimmers snuck in
through that 1.2 percent window.

God, my sperm's
as ambitious as I am.

I'm pregnant, too.

Get out. Wow.

I guess it is true what they say
about women's cycles lining up.

- Yeah.
- What are you planning on doing about it?

- What are you planning on doing?
- We're...

going to make an announcement

and get married.

It's good politics,
and I won't have my child being a bastard.

So where does that leave me?

You get to wear the big, white dress
and be queen for the day, again,

and I'm, what,

some... knocked-up whore?

You joined our relationship, Astrid.

You knew where you fell
in the order of things.

There's no need to be cold, Alice.

Listen, whatever you choose to do,

we will support you financially
and emotionally the very best we can.

And you'll have to sign an NDA
with very specific language

to make sure no one ever finds out
I'm the father, but...

I'm not collateral.

I'm not a problem on a checklist.

I am having exactly the same experience
as Alice.

Hers is no better than mine.

Screw you both.

I'm out.

You know what?

Maybe I'll just have to have
a press conference of my own.

Hi.

Payton was going to cancel,
but I have the story.

All right, shoot.

Dede Standish is a swamp creature.

Pretends she's clean,

but her husband makes
upwards of six figures in cash every year

ghostwriting for college kids
all across the country.

He's been doing this for years.

Jesus. Who's your source?

William Ward.

He will also tell you
he's banging Hadassah Gold.

They live together.

That throuple stuff,
it's all smoke and mirrors.

When she aired that ad,
it was already over.

The guy that Dede and Marcus
are porking now...

is one of Marcus' students.

Holy sh...