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1
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,986
Do you have your
duct tape, spaceman?
2
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:29,154
- Yes, sir.
- Good!
3
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:32,115
If you are hit by
a Red Team BB,
4
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,577
you will only have a couple of
seconds to patch it
5
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,204
before the air is
released from your suit,
6
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,290
and you are marked dead
by the game master.
7
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,876
Because there's no
air on the moon, sir?
8
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:43,960
That's
right, son.
9
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,712
General, if
we get hit...
10
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:46,963
Try not
to get hit.
11
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:50,675
Try to hit those Air Force boys
on the Red Team first.
12
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:51,760
Yes,
sir!
13
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:56,806
But say I poke a hole on my suit,
like on a cactus,
14
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,559
should I just lay down
and wait until Space Flag is over, sir?
15
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,061
Wait, wait,
laying down?
16
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,480
What the fuck is
that, "laying down"?
17
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,440
You seem very
intent on laying down.
18
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,585
This isn't about laying down.
This is about a battle!
19
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,860
It's just
that...
20
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,030
Sir, it's just a lot of weight,
and it's hot.
21
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,366
"It's gonna
be hot."
22
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,494
Yeah, we're gonna be in the desert.
What else?
23
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,937
And I'm already
kinda sleepy, sir.
24
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,413
Jesus
Christ.
25
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:24,000
Don't worry. In the field, each one of you
will be wearing an exoskeleton.
26
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,844
What the fuck
is that guy's problem?
27
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,253
Iron Man
pants.
28
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,838
You'll be paired
with a scientist
29
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,882
who can remote-control walk you
back to base,
30
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,093
whether you're
conscious or not.
31
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,071
Permission to nap
while the pants walk us back, sir?
32
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,095
No!
33
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,139
No napping.
Newborns nap.
34
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,766
Come on,
spaceman.
35
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,851
The war game
is very important.
36
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,771
It will help us pick
which exoskeleton system to buy,
37
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,272
Lockheed
or Raytheon.
38
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,233
Mr. Scientist,
which one is more comfortable?
39
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,026
Enough!
Come on, men.
40
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,986
All you need to
do is fight hard.
41
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,238
Fight
your best.
42
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,656
And know
that Dr. Mallory
43
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,158
is getting the best equipment
for the Space Force team.
44
00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,162
And even when hydraulics are 90% damaged,
45
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,957
the XR-11 exoskeleton
can take a lickin'
46
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,166
and keep
on tickin'.
47
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,918
Now, what about
limb movement?
48
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:09,379
Texting.
49
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,121
{\an8}"Astronauts should help each other,
not shoot each other."
50
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,052
{\an8}Well, kind of
missing the point.
51
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,054
He's not a big
fan of war games,
52
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,307
but he's definitely the person
who should be deciding our tech.
53
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:22,683
Spacemen!
54
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:26,980
This is a great adventure
that we are embarking on today.
55
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,440
We are training
for the worst-case scenario,
56
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:33,319
but the best-case scenario
is colonizing the galaxy.
57
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,156
Imagine,
years from now,
58
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:41,202
you could be on some distant star,
harvesting corn.
59
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,287
Mark.
60
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,621
Ah.
Here he is.
61
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:44,706
Dr.
Mallory.
62
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:47,750
Well, I've sat through
both presentations
63
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,712
and, as theater,
they make Wild Horse High School
64
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,213
look like
the West End.
65
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,924
-Ha. Sorry. -Which
will give us the biggest edge?
66
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,384
I'd go with
Lockheed.
67
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:57,802
Lockheed!
Good!
68
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,264
Both are only designedto get the spacesuits back to base
69
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,600
after an
astronaut is killed.
70
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,768
Spacesuits
cost millions.
71
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,271
-Spacemen, rather less.-All right.
72
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,397
Roger that.
Over and out.
73
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,734
Neither is designed
to save the men.
74
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,170
-The systems are...
-What am I doing?
75
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,529
...basically
high-tech body bags.
76
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,907
-But the military's ritual slaughter...-It's the one...
77
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,992
Oh, there we go.Okay.Phones.
78
00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,869
All right!
79
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,330
Well, we have
the best system.
80
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,415
Now let's talk
about tactics.
81
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,252
General Naird sits,
sips his coffee,
82
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,837
for perhaps it
could be his last.
83
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:33,963
What are
you doing?
84
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,965
I'm joining the
battle as an embed.
85
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,800
Going Vice
News on this shit.
86
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,196
If I see you on the battlefield,
I'll shoot you in the face.
87
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,262
You will
not see me.
88
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:44,807
The hardened general keeps his distance,
unsure how to show his admiration
89
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,611
for this young reporter.
90
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,477
Mm!
91
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,647
Good, I'm
glad you're here.
92
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,943
I am going to need you by my side
all day today.
93
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,695
You are the closest thing that I have
to a number two.
94
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:01,241
So in war games,
that makes you my aide-de-camp.
95
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:04,744
In real life,
that makes me totally uninterested.
96
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:05,954
Five
years!
97
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:09,332
Five years I was Kick's aide-de-camp
at the Air Force war games.
98
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:13,461
Oh, he would love nothing better
than to see me fall flat on my face.
99
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,380
Okay. Well, then,
thanks for the title
100
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:19,592
of Make Believe Assistant
with No Real Power in a Fake War, I guess.
101
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,095
So, first things
first. The pre-brief.
102
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:25,390
Now, the pre-brief
is sort of a stare down between boxers.
103
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,307
Ah!
104
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:30,853
Well, then my vast experience in the ring
will finally come in handy.
105
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,230
You
know...
106
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:35,275
All right. I wasn't gonna
get into any of this, but...
107
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,402
How
do I put this?
108
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,363
These guys have
a very strict code of behavior.
109
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,702
Maybe this code is arbitrary
and excessively macho.
110
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:51,249
Why do you ask
to be ridiculed?
111
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,503
Wha... What about my behavior
invites ridicule?
112
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,586
Well...
113
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,674
the way
you... walk.
114
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:02,468
Arms...
like noodles.
115
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,553
Kind
of...
116
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,725
All right, so we're going into battle.
And you are dressed like Annie Hall.
117
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,144
Maybe you could
wear something...
118
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,229
Uh, how
do... Okay.
119
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,690
Maybe you
could be more...
120
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,775
Take off...
Ah. God.
121
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:18,859
Um...
122
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:23,156
Don't corner me
into saying something offensive, please!
123
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,949
So, now I'm
getting fashion advice
124
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,410
from a man who's
worn the same
125
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,955
50/50 nylon-cotton
twill trousers
126
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,540
for the past
40 years?
127
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,917
Adrian, there is
power in conformity!
128
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:35,918
Yeah, I
get it, Mark.
129
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,129
-You dress for defense.
-Exactly.
130
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:43,301
Whereas my style is a brave expression
of my fearless personality.
131
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,012
Isn't that ironic,
Mr. Military?
132
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,890
No, no, no, no,
no. Do not... Do not...
133
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,642
Okay. All right. I
get what you're doing.
134
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,192
Well, well, look
who it is, boys!
135
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,569
General
Mark Nerd.
136
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,570
Clever.
137
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,030
I suppose if I
tried real hard,
138
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:08,951
I could come up with a humorous spin
on your last name, General Grabaston.
139
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,536
Dr.
Mallory.
140
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,829
Hello,
General.
141
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,873
Here to observe
the exoskeletons?
142
00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:17,502
I'm Mark's right-hand man,
his aide-de-camp.
143
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,712
Very
progressive, Naird.
144
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,590
This is my guy,
Clarke Luffinch.
145
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,673
Yo.
146
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,510
His arms look
like steel bricks.
147
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:28,721
We're going to
eat your guts, Nerd,
148
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,224
and wipe our
asses with your skin.
149
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,100
Oh,
really?
150
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,063
We're gonna eat your guts
and wipe your asses with our skin.
151
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,776
So the game of
mental chess has begun.
152
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,987
Hungry Hungry
Hippos at best.
153
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,079
What's going
on with the lights?
154
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,624
Sorry, I
thought it would make it more dramatic.
155
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,836
As a representative
of the Army,
156
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:03,005
they are making me referee
today's Space Flag
157
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,842
between Space Force
and Air Force Red Team.
158
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,761
Welcome to a day
of multiple challenges
159
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:12,098
testing you in all areas
of space fighting readiness,
160
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:15,601
culminating with a mock infantry
skirmish on the moon.
161
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,686
Question.
162
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:20,022
If we win all the events
based on science and computing,
163
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,651
do we really need to compete
in lunar laser tag?
164
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:24,735
Oh,
absolutely.
165
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,529
The skirmish is
worth 100 points.
166
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:29,198
The rest of the contests are worth,
I don't know, let's say 30.
167
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,616
So, in
other words,
168
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:34,078
it basically boils down
to a slap fight on the moon?
169
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,538
- It's a skirmish.
- Skirmish.
170
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:40,585
Okay. The Air Force has selected
the Raytheon exoskeleton,
171
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,880
and Space Force has chosen
the exoskeleton from Lockheed.
172
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:44,797
Come on.
173
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,466
Jim, I'm right
here. I can hear you.
174
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,468
If I may, Bert, I'm
concerned about
175
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,928
some of the physical aspects
of the competition.
176
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,680
I
bet you are.
177
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,307
Kick's airmen
are in their prime.
178
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,600
Space Force is
a new branch,
179
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:58,644
consisting of mostly
very green teenage recruits
180
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,231
and older astronauts
who spent ten years getting their PhD.
181
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,734
Excuses are like
assholes, Naird.
182
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,737
And you are a
huge excuse.
183
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,322
May I be
excused?
184
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:12,074
I would like to join my scientists
for the tech events,
185
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:16,496
while they pump themselves up
for Testosterone Tag.
186
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,124
I'm sorry, I
just got distracted by Naird's shoes.
187
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,794
My God, Naird,
how do you keep them so clean?
188
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,678
Look how shiny they are, sir.
189
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:28,132
So shiny I can
see up your skirt.
190
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,467
They're supposed
to be shiny.
191
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,927
"Mommy,
they're so shiny."
192
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,888
Shake hands. We'll
see each other on the battlefield.
193
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:35,388
Cute
pumps, Nerd.
194
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,559
I love
that suit.
195
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,145
It's not a suit.
It's an ensemble.
196
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,397
-Chosen with great care and
tact. -Shh.
197
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:47,860
Seems they found a chink
in your poly-blend suit of armor.
198
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,656
I refuse to be ashamed that I enjoy
a bright, shiny pair of shoes!
199
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,658
Oh, and Adrian,
"Testosterone Tag"?
200
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,160
No, no. Not fitting
of an aide-de-camp.
201
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,121
A title as meaningless
as war itself.
202
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,873
War is not
meaningless.
203
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:05,086
War is what democracies use
to protect freedom.
204
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,964
And freedom is what allows you
to talk that sass.
205
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,215
"Sass"?
206
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,384
I knew you would
fixate on that word.
207
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,052
"Sass."
Mm-hmm.
208
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,181
Spacemen!
209
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,892
Can anyone tell
me what that is?
210
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,645
Sir,
that's a line, sir!
211
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:24,438
- Nice.
- Negative!
212
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,773
That is
the moon.
213
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,276
Flat, desolate,
nowhere to hide.
214
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,988
Actually, despite
its lack of tectonic plates,
215
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,616
the moon's surface is
a complex topography
216
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,703
-of mountains and craters, among...
-Okay, okay, okay.
217
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,746
Thank you, Bill
the Science Guy.
218
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:43,958
Thank you very much.
I will handle the training session.
219
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:47,753
Now, once the battle begins,
we will separate into two groups.
220
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,590
The first group will
make a wedge formation in the front,
221
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,800
and the second group
will remain in reserve.
222
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,552
Reserve.
Called it.
223
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,473
Dr. Mallory has also supplied us
with our firearms.
224
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:04,854
This is the Daisy
760 Pumpmaster.
225
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,814
Sir, is that
a BB gun?
226
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:07,773
Yes, it is!
227
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,318
That's a Daisy.
When I was a kid, we used to use those
228
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,236
to fight the poor kids
in the neighborhood.
229
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,322
Now, of course, that's...
that's not PC, but...
230
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:17,283
The choice of weapons and targets
231
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:18,492
was
deliberate.
232
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:21,120
On the moon, the
difference between life and death
233
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:25,916
can be as small
as a BB-sized tear in a spacesuit.
234
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,085
Ah. That's why
we've got duct tape.
235
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,047
Yes, spaceman,
duct tape will save you.
236
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,550
But don't worry, these
aren't the only weapons you'll have.
237
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:39,138
Each spaceman will
be issued a cuticle scissor set!
238
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,558
This will be used to pop spacesuits
at close range.
239
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,371
-Guard these with your life.
-Can I keep one of those scissors?
240
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:47,605
I'm always
losing mine.
241
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,650
These are combat
scissors, soldier.
242
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,151
Okay?
243
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:56,405
Many of you may not have used
one of these for quite some time,
244
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,616
so I'm gonna give you
a little refresher course.
245
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:01,786
You gotta
pump it!
246
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,455
Pump it up!
Pump it hard!
247
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,958
The harder you pump,
the more air will be in the chamber,
248
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,879
the more penetrating power
that BB is gonna have.
249
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,422
Really takes
a while, sir.
250
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,051
It takes about as long
as it took the minutemen
251
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:20,096
to reload their muskets
at Lexington and Concord.
252
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:25,351
And... like those...
great patriots,
253
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,187
we will be
operating in...
254
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,397
Powdered
wigs?
255
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,691
...a staggered
formation.
256
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,945
Where the front line will fire,
while the back line reloads.
257
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:37,987
Any
questions?
258
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,740
And fire!
259
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,450
Reload!
260
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:43,744
Second
line!
261
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,912
Fire!
262
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,329
Reload!
263
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,206
First
line!
264
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,541
Fire!
265
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,627
Ow! You
box of shit!
266
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,753
Friendly
fire.
267
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:56,048
Let's hope we never face
a battalion of empty cans.
268
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,341
You're
not helping.
269
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,300
Fire!
270
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,971
Nice shot,
Staff Sergeant.
271
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:02,888
Kiki
Rhodes, sir.
272
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,015
Captain Ali, a
good staff sergeant is a treasure.
273
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,517
-Treasure this one.
-Sir.
274
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,562
Well, stick with
me, Staff Sergeant.
275
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,813
Follow my
lead out there.
276
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,150
Well, I'd feel better
if you would have knocked the can down.
277
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,359
You ever
been in combat?
278
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,945
I was top of my class
in Intro to Combat Theory,
279
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:20,072
and I got an A-plus
on my end-of-term paper.
280
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,282
-Impressive.
-Thank you.
281
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:23,117
I hope I live long
enough to read that.
282
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,120
I... do hope you wish
you live long enough...
283
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,598
It was a damn good paper.
They don't just hand out A-plusses.
284
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:32,418
Calculate orbital period.
What's our radial trajectory?
285
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,879
Correcting for lunar
gravitation, 707.4.
286
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:38,048
You're a motherfucking math genius,
Vandeveld!
287
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,717
Satellite's
in range.
288
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,843
Locked
and loaded.
289
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,138
Say
goodbye, bitch.
290
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,516
Boom!
291
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,185
Come on!
292
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,436
Yes!
293
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,364
Come on,
come on! Settle!
294
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:07,411
-These are, uh, pretty bulky.
-Yeah.
295
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,579
The suits
are bulky.
296
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,849
And how I'mma fit my fingers
through these scissor holes
297
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,541
with these thick-ass
gloves, man?
298
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:13,918
The scissors.
They're tiny.
299
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,377
Tony. Yo,
do you mind?
300
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:19,089
Every spaceman has his role to play,
and mine is generating content.
301
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,801
The balloons.
They're bouncy.
302
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:22,884
Tony.
303
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,387
Tony! Get
out of my face.
304
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,806
Yes,
ma'am. Right.
305
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,349
- That's amazing.
- I don't...
306
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,893
-You're dead.
-Fuck you, man.
307
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,188
Damn
it.
308
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,109
All right! Let's
see what these suits are capable of.
309
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,195
Chambers,
give me a burpee.
310
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,530
Not
possible, sir.
311
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,253
You can't even do a
burpee in that thing?
312
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,075
I couldn't do
one before.
313
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,284
I can do
one, sir.
314
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:49,745
Oh,
my God!
315
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,374
I'm sure you'll all be pleased
to hear that the science team...
316
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,209
Da-da-da-da-da.
317
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,169
Why did you choose
the Lockheed suit?
318
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,547
These guys
can't even move in these things.
319
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,341
I'm sure the Air Force
is having the same problems.
320
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,516
May I speak to you
outside for a moment?
321
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,354
Little privacy,
please?
322
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:16,438
Sir,
yes, sir.
323
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,482
Jesus
Christ.
324
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,570
You picked the wrong exoskeleton
on purpose, didn't you?
325
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,487
What?
326
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,947
You couldn't
help it, huh?
327
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:28,492
You hate the whole idea of war
games, Space Flag.
328
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:33,122
Space should be a zone of wonder,
not of conflict and death.
329
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,417
No, I don't think that's it at all.
I don't think it's a moral issue.
330
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,877
I think
you're scared.
331
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,838
I think that you stink at sports,
and a long time ago,
332
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,674
you decided that if you can't win,
you're not gonna play.
333
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,467
What are you
talking about?
334
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,802
Oh, I can
just see it now.
335
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,179
Little nerdy Mallory
sitting in the nurse's office,
336
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,503
pretending to
have a tummy ache
337
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,316
so he doesn't get picked last
for basketball!
338
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,518
My father
was a diplomat.
339
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,229
I went to the American
school in Geneva.
340
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,814
We downhill
skied.
341
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,774
Oh, so you were
captain of the ski team, huh?
342
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,610
Fuck
you, Mark.
343
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,698
♪ Big girls don't cry♪
344
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,495
♪ Big girls
don't cry-iy-iy♪
345
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:19,585
♪ They
don't cry♪
346
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,462
Sorry.
347
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,092
I, uh, sometimes
sing to relieve stress.
348
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,261
Oh, no, no. No
judgment here.
349
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:33,223
When I wanna blow off steam,
I go to the tunnel under Building 5.
350
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,851
The acoustics in
there are unreal.
351
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,394
You
sing, too?
352
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:42,983
No, I usually scream into the darkness
until my voice gives out.
353
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:44,818
Highly
cathartic.
354
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,030
-Mm.
-So... well...
355
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,239
hang
in there.
356
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,242
It...
uh...
357
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,661
-I don't...
-That's my hat.
358
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,829
That's yours.
Okay. Okay.
359
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:56,913
Goodbye.
360
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,164
So...
361
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,375
All
right.
362
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,127
Don't know
why I did that.
363
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,423
Where you've
been, babycakes?
364
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,507
Working.
365
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,593
Why didn't you
return my DMs?
366
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,346
Social media cleanse.
The internet's for trolls.
367
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:15,724
Ugh. Come on. There
aren't as many trolls as people say.
368
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,769
The existence of troll farms
hasn't been 100% proven.
369
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,187
Oh.
No.
370
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,399
Are you gonna order anything?
The line's kind of long.
371
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,026
Why Erin is not
being nice to Yuri?
372
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,612
I thought we were going to have
lots and lots of babies.
373
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,740
We can name them
after your father's mother.
374
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,283
What was
her name?
375
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,868
Maiden name, please.
376
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,580
Do you even like me? Or
are you just using me to get to my dad?
377
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,542
That hurts,
actually.
378
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,671
Yuri's love is like
sprinkles around your ice cream heart.
379
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:50,342
Yuri and Erin is like Kim and Greg
from that popular American TV show,
380
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:51,426
Yes,
Dear.
381
00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,054
Makes your father so happy
the way I treat you.
382
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,266
As happy as his
first childhood pet.
383
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,475
Which
was called...
384
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,894
What's
going on here?
385
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,148
-Uh, just getting dessert, sir.
-Before a battle?
386
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,066
God! Why are
you all so lame?
387
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,068
She has soft serve, sir.
388
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,320
- Get on the trucks!
- Aw, come on!
389
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,739
I just put
my order in.
390
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,491
Right now is when you decide
to have a backbone? Let's go!
391
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,709
Shut up, dude. Shut up.
What is wrong with you?
392
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,498
This ain't the third grade, ma'am.
Take your froyo like an adult.
393
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,376
I am an adult.
As a matter of fact, I outrank you.
394
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,354
So why don't you go ahead
and walk in front of me
395
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,297
while I finish this, Sergeant?
That's an order.
396
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,842
What's up, guys?
I used to be in Air Force.
397
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:34,011
Hey, let me get a quick snap
with the winners, huh?
398
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,763
Yeah, now
we're talking.
399
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:41,935
The science portion of Space Flag
has concluded.
400
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,438
Congrats
to...
401
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,190
whoever
won.
402
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,317
All that matters
is lunar combat.
403
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,736
It's for
100 points.
404
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:54,114
If your suit is
popped, just go limp,
405
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,367
and you'll be marched home
like a sack of manure on a pair of stilts.
406
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,496
The mission's over for you,
but those pants fight another day.
407
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,540
Man, we about
to get BB'd up.
408
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,000
I'd rather just
get regular shot.
409
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,770
You know how bitches
love the gunshot wounds.
410
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:07,628
Whoa,
whoa.
411
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,591
Bitches don't like
to be called bitches anymore.
412
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,691
Yeah, well, bitches
don't like a lot of things, so...
413
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,717
You know that word originated
in the 15th century
414
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,135
as a way to
demean women
415
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,197
who were just trying
to express their sexual desires?
416
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,514
Why do you
know that?
417
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,308
My college gender studies professor
made me write a paper about it
418
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,810
after I called
her a bitch.
419
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,895
-She sound like a bitch.
-Hey! Come on.
420
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,147
But she was
one, two times.
421
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,899
All right. Hey. All right.
422
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:34,780
Hey, do you
have a charger?
423
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,698
Yeah.
Charge this.
424
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:40,536
Do you have
a charger?
425
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,004
Air Force
ready?
426
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:53,590
Hooah!
427
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:54,758
Space
Force ready?
428
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:56,884
Uh...
429
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:58,719
Yes.
430
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,348
Let's
get it on!
431
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,227
Ho!
Hooah!
432
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,441
Here they
come! Spacemen!
433
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,486
Now is the time to prove ourselves.
Now is the time to shine!
434
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,071
-Get off your phone!
-Okay, yeah.
435
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,239
Pump your
weapons!
436
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:18,614
Pump
'em!
437
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,534
Pump
'em! Pump 'em!
438
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,079
Alpha Squad!
Move out!
439
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:26,874
Go, go!
440
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,417
Move out!
441
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,128
Go! Move out!
442
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,296
Ow.
Oh.
443
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,714
Oldsters!
444
00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,007
Some gentle
stretching!
445
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:36,883
Move
out!
446
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,512
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
447
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,600
There are a hundred screens,
can't one of them be PBS?
448
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,227
You
can't hide forever, Nerd!
449
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,979
I'm gonna
eat your liver!
450
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,402
Phew. Boy, it's
a hot one today.
451
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,362
"C," let's go!
452
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,365
Move out,
boys!Move! Move! Move!
453
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,493
Is this footage
in slo-mo?
454
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,377
-Come on!
-I got you, go!
455
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,636
That's it, Space
Force, cover and run.
456
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,434
Ah,
God.
457
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,354
Man down.
Walk his combat suit back to base.
458
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:40,113
Oh, shit!
That was close!
459
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,490
Ah. They're
everywhere!
460
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,076
Come on! Get up, spacemen!
Show some heart!
461
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:49,581
Go! Go!
462
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,083
There you go!
463
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,168
-Yeah! -That's
the spirit, that's the...
464
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,628
- Oh, God!
- No!
465
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,381
- Julio! Duct tape!
- Duct tape! No!
466
00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:59,258
- I got you. I got you.
- Duct tape!
467
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,302
Oh,
God.
468
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,012
It's too late. It's too late.
469
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,806
-God.
-Okay.
470
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:08,267
--
I got it.
471
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:09,977
I'll avenge
you, bro.
472
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,060
Kick
their ass!
473
00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:14,314
Come on, you got this, man.
Make me proud!
474
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,567
Go, spaceman. Go,
spaceman.
475
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,861
Yeah, that's the Space Force
spirit! Attack!
476
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,822
Yeah.
Go. Go.
477
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,490
--
Oh!
478
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,617
That's
ugly.
479
00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,036
Captain Ali, it's
up to you. Advance!
480
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,957
Uh, don't
worry.
481
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,917
My paper was on
pincer movements.
482
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,210
Cover me,
Sergeant.
483
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,169
Okay.
484
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,253
I got
you!
485
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,423
- Ah...
- Step up!
486
00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:40,666
Step up!
487
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,678
Yeah, baby! That's
what I'm talking about!
488
00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:45,761
Oh!
489
00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:47,889
-Damn, I'm down.
-Yeah.
490
00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:51,101
- Oh, really?
- Get him, Staff Sergeant!
491
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:54,354
Hooah!
492
00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,233
Yeah.
493
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,664
Go, go!
494
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,130
-Oh, my God.
-Oh.
495
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,132
You
mother...
496
00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:23,300
Oh.
497
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:24,634
I'll go warm
up the truck.
498
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:29,473
Like Hitler in his bunker,
Naird has been abandoned by everyone.
499
00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:31,451
Is he man enough to take his own life?
500
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,642
That's
my fault.
501
00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,566
And that is my fault,
and I apologize, right...
502
00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:37,147
Okay, noncombatant! Noncombatant!
503
00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:38,899
Non...
Press! Press!
504
00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:41,651
Press!
Press! Press!
505
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,320
What
the fuck?
506
00:22:52,788 --> 00:22:54,373
How's it
going, General?
507
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,832
Congratulations,
Adrian,
508
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:59,002
you made your point
by making us all look like fools.
509
00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,421
Crushing the spirits
of your own team.
510
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,466
My God, I even
picked you first.
511
00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:06,510
You
know what?
512
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:10,764
Remind me to never put myselfin a situation where I need your help.
513
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,415
Chan.
514
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:41,420
Be ready
with it.
515
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,048
Where are
you going?
516
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:46,132
To war.
517
00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:49,386
The general needs
his aide-de-camp.
518
00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:55,642
Dude, this is
the weirdest day.
519
00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:57,643
Hooah!
520
00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,646
Advance!
521
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,835
Space
Force is down to two.
522
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:14,035
Kali Maa.
523
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,037
Kali
Maa.
524
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:19,541
Kali Maa
shakti de!
525
00:24:26,756 --> 00:24:28,592
I
smell Nerd!
526
00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:31,303
Come out, come
out, wherever you are!
527
00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:36,433
♪ Let the Midnight
SpecialShine a light on me♪
528
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:37,976
Mallory!
Mallory!
529
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:45,233
♪ Let the Midnight SpecialShine a light on me♪
530
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,779
Ow!
Right on the ankle.
531
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,824
-So now they have cars on the
moon? -Oh, hush.
532
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:53,950
I'm here
to help.
533
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:56,995
Well, it's down to just me,
so you might be too late.
534
00:24:57,579 --> 00:24:59,372
Chan,
now.
535
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,334
Command-shift-6.
536
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:05,017
- Yes, sir. Implementing. -
Air Force! Attach your scissors!
537
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:06,922
On my
signal!
538
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,256
Charge!
539
00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,135
What
the hell?
540
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,429
- Can't move my
legs, sir! -
541
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,182
The system's malfunctioning.
They're all immobilized!
542
00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,017
They're
not responding.
543
00:25:24,898 --> 00:25:25,982
Have
at it.
544
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:27,816
Thank
you.
545
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:37,244
Oh,
no.
546
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,327
Oh,
my God.
547
00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:40,664
Don't you
do it, Naird!
548
00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:43,791
Ha!
549
00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,377
You're
still an ass!
550
00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:46,545
Ah!
551
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,431
Space Force!
552
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,813
No more
Red Team.
553
00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:06,773
And the winner
is Space Force!
554
00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:08,358
-Space Force!
-Yeah!
555
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,362
Yes!
Yes!
556
00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:14,114
In your
face!
557
00:26:15,657 --> 00:26:18,535
Yeah,
bitch! Uh!
558
00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:22,831
Uh-huh!
559
00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:36,886
Everyone
should be proud.
560
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,597
You acquitted
yourselves well.
561
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:40,640
We got ice
cream, sir.
562
00:26:41,516 --> 00:26:42,559
Enjoy
it.
563
00:26:43,643 --> 00:26:44,936
That goes
for all of you.
564
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,605
Enjoy life
while you can.
565
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,774
For only the dead
have seen the end of war.
566
00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:51,985
We got
sprinkles, sir.
567
00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:53,445
Jesus.
568
00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:57,198
Thanks for
showing up today.
569
00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,367
I hope this
helps wash away
570
00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:03,246
some of those painful childhood memories
of basketball in school.
571
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,624
Ski
memories, in my case.
572
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:08,793
I'm actually rather good
at the shooting of baskets.
573
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:10,128
It's just
physics.
574
00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:12,422
Whatever helps
you sleep at night.
575
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:17,427
Do meet me at
the gym tomorrow.
576
00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,179
I will
destroy you.
41643
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