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1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:04,440
I CAN BE UPTIGHT
WHEN IT COMES TO--
2
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,172
WHAT'S IT CALLED--
THE HUMAN BODY.
3
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,777
I WAS ONCE GETTING A MASSAGE,
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,378
AND THE MASSEUSE TOLD ME
TO UNDRESS TO MY COMFORT LEVEL.
5
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,312
THOSE WERE HER WORDS.
6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:15,216
SHE SAID, "UNDRESS
TO YOUR COMFORT LEVEL."
7
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,489
SO I PUT ON A SWEATER
AND A PAIR OF CORDUROY PANTS,
8
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,259
AND I FELT SAFE.
9
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:25,089
IT'S WEIRD WHAT BODILY FUNCTIONS
ARE POLITE TO TALK ABOUT,
10
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:28,296
BECAUSE EVERY HUMAN BEING EATS
AND GOES TO THE BATHROOM
11
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:31,329
AND HAS SEX, RIGHT,
BUT OF THOSE THREE,
12
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,735
ONLY EATING IS ACCEPTABLE
TO TALK ABOUT IN POLITE SOCIETY,
13
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,268
AND IF YOU TALK
ABOUT THE OTHER TWO
14
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,844
WHILE SOMEONE IS EATING,
THEY'LL REPRIMAND YOU.
15
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,342
THEY'LL BE LIKE,
"HEY, WE'RE EATING HERE."
16
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:46,145
THAT NEVER WORKS
THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
17
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,550
NO ONE'S EVER LIKE,
"FOR OUR SPECIALS TONIGHT,
18
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,582
WE HAVE TORTELLINI
WITH MARINARA SAUCE,"
19
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,818
AND YOU'RE LIKE,
"DO YOU MIND?
20
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,623
I AM TRYING TO MASTURBATE."
21
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,139
(Motif)
MULANEY IS FILMED
22
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,714
IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE, OKAY?
23
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,853
IT'S GONNA BE
90 DEGREES TODAY.
24
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:20,278
I WALKED THREE BLOCKS
ON MY DATE LAST NIGHT,
25
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,324
AND I WAS SWEATING
LIKE A GOOD SOUTHERN LAWYER
26
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:24,320
ARGUING FOR THE FREEDOM
OF A POOR MAN.
27
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:26,622
UGH.
IT'S SO HOT.
28
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,264
MOTIF, DID YOU FIX IT?
29
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,219
I'M ON THE PHONE
WITH THE STORE ABOUT IT.
30
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:31,458
HELLO?
IF I HAVE
31
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,132
A 1977 DELOREAN
AIR CONDITIONER
32
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,402
WITH NO WARRANTY
AND I'M NOT THE ORIGINAL OWNER,
33
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,430
CAN I EXCHANGE THAT
FOR A NEW ONE?
34
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,274
HEY, SO YOU WENT OUT AGAIN
WITH THE DOULA, RIGHT?
35
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,773
HOW WAS IT?
IT WAS REALLY FUN.
36
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:47,414
I LIKE THE DOULA A LOT.
I ALSO LIKE SAYING "DOULA."
37
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,311
WHAT'S A DOULA AGAIN?
38
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:52,513
A DOULA PROVIDES WOMEN WITH
PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
39
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,346
BEFORE, DURING,
AND AFTER LABOR.
40
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,392
IT'S LIKE PAYING SOMEONE
TO BE YOUR MOM.
41
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,888
I THOUGHT THAT WAS
A MIDWIFE.
42
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,389
NO, NO, NO, DOULAS ARE NOT
MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS.
43
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,562
MIDWIVES HAVE TO GO THROUGH
NURSING COURSES IN MIDWIFERY.
44
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,862
(Motif)
[chuckles]
45
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:09,463
"MIDWIFERY,"
THAT'S A FUN WORD TO SAY.
46
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,897
SOUNDS LIKE A UGLY GIRL
ON DOWNTON ABBY.
47
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:15,341
WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU LIKE THE DOULA
48
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,339
AND THAT YOU RESPECT HER WORK.
I DO.
49
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,871
I MEAN, I KIND OF
CHANGE THE SUBJECT
50
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:22,336
WHEN WE GET
INTO THE NITTY GRITTY.
51
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,636
"THE NITTY GRITTY"?
52
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,177
YOU KNOW,
THE ACTUAL DETAILS OF--
53
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,824
A WOMAN BRINGING LIFE
INTO THE WORLD?
54
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,519
YEAH.
WHAT?
55
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,351
HEARING ABOUT CHILDBIRTH
CAN MAKE ME REALLY DIZZY.
56
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,716
I CAN EVEN FAINT.
57
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,294
IT ALL STARTED
IN THE SEVENTH GRADE
58
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,433
WHEN WE WATCHED
THE MIRACLE OF LIFE VIDEO.
59
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,358
ALL THOSE 1980s ACTORS
60
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,963
WITH THEIR SPERM
AND THEIR FALLOPIAN TUBES.
61
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,355
I WAS OUT.
62
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,297
WHEN I CAME TO,
I WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR,
63
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,903
LOOKING UP AT A POSTER
OF LEVAR BURTON
64
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,774
THAT SAID, "READ."
65
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,243
YOU'RE AFRAID OF VAGINAS.
66
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,712
I AM NOT.
I THINK THEY'RE GREAT.
67
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,382
I FEEL ABOUT VAGINAS
THE WAY I DO ABOUT AMERICA.
68
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:58,711
I LOVE IT,
BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
69
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:02,616
IT DOES THINGS
THAT DISGUST ME.
70
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,315
AND PENISES ARE LIKE
NORTH KOREA:
71
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,855
HILARIOUS, YET WORRISOME.
72
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,790
[sighs]
73
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,404
AND NOW, LET'S MOVE ON
TO ROUND TWO: CASH GRAB.
74
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:22,266
WHERE OUR CONTESTANTS SHOUT OUT
THE NUMBER OF DOLLARS THEY WANT.
75
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:25,373
BUT FIRST, LET'S MEET AND GREET,
SHALL WE?
76
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:28,376
[upbeat music]
77
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,539
*
78
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,407
[laughs]
79
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,006
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DARLING?
80
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,347
I'M MELANIE MOORE.
I'M FROM PLANO, TEXAS.
81
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,354
AH.
YOU DON'T LOOK "PLANO."
82
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,516
YOU SHOULD BE
FROM "CUTE-O," TEXAS.
83
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:45,464
[laughter]
84
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:46,363
YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL.
85
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,001
I LIKE YOUR FACE
AND YOUR BODY.
86
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,435
HEY, MARY JO.
87
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,469
THIS SHOW HAS A REAL PROBLEM.
88
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,535
OH, YEAH.
I MEAN, I KNOW
89
00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,342
I HAVEN'T WORKED HERE
FOR LONG,
90
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,783
BUT THE GAME MAKES NO SENSE,
RIGHT?
91
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,349
LIKE, WHY EVEN BOTHER
ANSWERING QUESTIONS IN ROUND ONE
92
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,578
IF YOU CAN JUST DEMAND
MONEY IN "CASH GRAB"?
93
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,454
NO, NOT THAT.
THE GAME IS FINE.
94
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,523
I WAS STAGE MANAGER
ON FAMILY FEUD.
95
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:15,062
YOU TRY WORKING ON THAT
NIGHTLY RACE WAR FOR FIVE YEARS.
96
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,428
I MEAN WE HAVE A LOU PROBLEM.
97
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,428
HE'S GETTING TOO FLIRTY
WITH THE WOMEN, IT'S NOT GOOD.
98
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,831
KATHY, KATHY, KATHY, KATHY.
[giggles]
99
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,373
MMM, I LOVE
HOW YOUR MAKEUP SMELLS.
100
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:26,799
[both laughing]
101
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,874
HEY, YOUR MOM'S
IN THE AUDIENCE I'M TOLD.
102
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,813
WHAT FUN.
HEY, MOM?
103
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,669
STAND UP AND TAKE A BOW,
WON'T YOU?
104
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,506
JUST TURN AROUND, AND...
105
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,745
TOUCH YOUR TOES A LITTLE.
106
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,480
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM?
107
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,515
WELL, HE BROKE UP WITH HIS
GIRLFRIEND A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.
108
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,791
MAYBE HE'S A LITTLE,
YOU KNOW, UNFULFILLED.
109
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:50,319
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE THAT HORNY
SINCE ME AT A RUSH CONCERT.
110
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,058
WOMEN ON THE CREW
DON'T LIKE IT.
111
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,462
IT'S STUFF LIKE THIS
THAT BROUGHT DOWN CLINTON.
112
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,395
CUT TO EIGHT YEARS
OF REPUBLICANS,
113
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,770
AND I END UP IN KABUL.
114
00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,829
YOU WERE IN THE MARINES?
115
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,067
YES, I WAS.
116
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,001
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
117
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,735
NO PROBLEM.
JUST GET LOU CRANKED OFF, OKAY?
118
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,379
TAKE HIM OUT FOR A BEER,
THROW YOUR ARM AROUND HIM
119
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:10,679
AND SAY,
"YOU NEED TO GET LAID."
120
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,451
[chuckles]
NO, LOU AND I DO NOT HAVE
121
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,710
THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YET,
122
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,717
SO I'M GONNA NEED
ANOTHER SOLUTION.
123
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,019
SOMETIMES ON A SHOW,
WE'LL HIRE A GIRL
124
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,721
AND CALL HER
"CREATIVE PRODUCER."
125
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,093
IT'S A JOKE TITLE
FOR SOME SKINNY BITCH
126
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:25,092
THE HOST HAS SEX WITH.
127
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:28,925
THAT'S MY TITLE.
I'M THE CREATIVE PRODUCER.
128
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,740
I KNOW YOU WERE NERVOUS ABOUT ME
COMING TO SEE YOUR STAND-UP SHOW
129
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,513
BUT YOU WERE SO FUNNY.
130
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:42,512
THANK YOU.
131
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,783
AND DON'T LISTEN
TO THAT ONE LADY.
132
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,151
YOU'RE NOT "WHITE, UPTIGHT,
AND WACK AS HELL."
133
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,449
OH, IT'S FINE.
I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.
134
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,853
THOSE EXACT WORDS, IN FACT.
135
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,415
I NEEDED A LAUGH TOO.
136
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,124
I DOULA-ED A REALLY INTENSE
HOME BIRTH TODAY.
137
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,956
AND I WOULD LOVE
TO HEAR ABOUT IT,
138
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:02,462
BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN'T VIOLATE
PATIENT-DOULA PRIVILEGE.
139
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,556
OH, NO,
THAT'S NOT A THING.
140
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:06,097
I'M FREE TO DESCRIBE
WHAT HAPPENED.
141
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:09,103
IT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY
THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT MY JOB.
142
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,936
YEAH. NO--YEAH,
I RESPECT YOUR WORK.
143
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:12,972
[clears throat]
AND YOU DID LISTEN
144
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,906
TO MY "SINBAD WAS RUDE" STORY.
145
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,412
THAT WAS PRETTY GRAPHIC.
146
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:20,045
ANYWAY, WE KNEW GOING IN
THAT HER HIPS AND BIRTH CANAL
147
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,750
WERE REALLY NARROW,
AND WE KNEW THE BABY WAS HUGE.
148
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,424
[echoing]
THE BABY WAS HUGE.
149
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,893
DILATED 10 CENTIMETERS.
150
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,660
[echoing]
DILATED 10 CENTIMETERS.
151
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,689
DILATED 10 CENTIMETERS.
152
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,664
HEAVY, BLOODY SHOW.
153
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,193
[echoing]
HEAVY, BLOODY SHOW.
154
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,097
HEAVY, BLOODY SHOW.
155
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,130
FULLY CROWNING.
156
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:41,095
[echoing]
FULLY CROWNING, FULLY CROWNING,
157
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,444
FULLY CROWNING.
158
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:46,611
HAVE YOU READ
ABOUT THESE POLITICS?
159
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,551
WE GOT A ONE-MINUTE BREAK, THEN
ANOTHER THREE HOURS OF TAPING.
160
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,522
YOU STAY IN YOUR SEATS!
161
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,788
SO THEN I JUST WENT
TO THE BATHROOM
162
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,990
AND LAID ON THE FLOOR.
163
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,921
MAN, IT IS HARD
TO DATE A DOULA.
164
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:07,056
JOHN, THE TERM IS
"AFRICAN-AMERICAN."
165
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:10,897
AND LISTEN,
WHILE WE'RE ON A BREAK,
166
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,471
WHAT IS WITH ALL THE CHANGES
TO THE SHOW?
167
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,641
I MEAN, EVEN MY DRESSING ROOM
HAS DIFFERENT SNACKS.
168
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,939
IT'S ALL SOY ICE CREAM
AND EDAMAME.
169
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,511
YOU KNOW, I HEARD
THOSE LOWER TESTOSTERONE.
170
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,941
OH, REALLY?
I HEARD THAT THEY
171
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,605
MAKE NECK SKIN TIGHTER.
172
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,145
OH, REALLY?
173
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,749
WELL, THEN I'LL HAVE
WHAT I'M HAVING.
174
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,852
[both laughing]
175
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,854
AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
I THOUGHT WE WERE TAPING
176
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:37,016
SORORITY WEEK WITH CONTESTANTS
FROM 12 FLORIDA SAFETY SCHOOLS.
177
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,957
RIGHT, WE WERE GONNA,
BUT I THOUGHT INSTEAD,
178
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,533
THIS MIGHT BE A NICER IDEA.
OH.
179
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,803
WE'RE BACK, PEOPLE.
180
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,739
WE'RE BACK WITH VETERAN WEEK
181
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:52,909
HERE ON CELEBRITY
YOU GUESSED IT.
182
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:56,240
ALL ELDERLY, MALE VETERANS.
183
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:59,246
AND MY APOLOGIES
TO GAMMA GAMMA GAMMA GIRLS
184
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,679
FROM SURF UNIVERSITY.
WE'LL HAVE YOU ON REAL SOON.
185
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:03,676
[chuckles]
186
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,817
DID YOU GET LOU
TO EMPTY IT OUT?
187
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,024
[sighs]
188
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,655
NO, MARY JO, BUT I FOUND
ANOTHER SOLUTION,
189
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,691
YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY.
190
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:16,695
DO YOU WANT TO PASS
ON THE QUESTION OR PHONE HOME?
191
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,170
I'LL PHONE HOME
TO MY DAUGHTER, STACY.
192
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,869
SHE'S A SCHOOLTEACHER
IN SARASOTA.
193
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:22,872
OH, WHAT FUN.
194
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,973
[phone trilling]
195
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,065
(Stacy)
HELLO?
196
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:29,136
HELLO, STACY, YOU'RE
ON CELEBRITY YOU GUESSED IT.
197
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,806
(Stacy)
HI THERE, I'M HERE TO HELP.
198
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:35,984
OH, STACY.
YOU SOUND LIKE A...
199
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,986
LIKE A GOOD GIRL.
200
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,988
LIKE A GOOD...DADDY'S GIRL.
201
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,962
I BET YOU DRINK ALL YOUR MILK
202
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,992
AND REALLY ENJOY IT,
DON'T YOU, STACY?
203
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,565
LOOK AT WHAT HE MANAGED TO DO.
204
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,772
NATURE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY.
205
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,173
OKAY.
206
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:05,678
I'M GOOD ON MY END.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS?
207
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,013
WE'RE GOOD.
GOOD ON OUR END, YEAH.
208
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,077
YEAH.
BACK UP.
209
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,675
OKAY.
OKAY, TO THE RIGHT.
210
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,117
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, READY?
211
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,191
ONE, TWO, THREE, DOWN.
212
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,921
YEAH.
OHH!
213
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,986
[sighs]
214
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,326
OKAY, NOW BACK UP.
215
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,330
OKAY.
BACK UP.
216
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,901
OKAY, OKAY.
BACK UP.
217
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,930
BACK UP.
OKAY.
218
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:27,867
HEY, GUYS.
219
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,841
OH, THANKS FOR CARRYING THAT
UP HERE.
220
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:33,370
ACTUALLY, WE GOT IT DELIVERED.
YOU OWE US $100.
221
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,136
OKAY, I'LL PAY YOU BACK.
222
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,179
[doorbell buzzing]
223
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,051
HELLO?
IT'S AMANDA.
224
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:41,781
COME ON UP.
225
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,615
YOU'RE GONNA SEE
THE DOULA AGAIN?
226
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:46,021
YEAH, BUT I'M AFRAID WE'RE
GONNA HAVE TO BREAK THINGS OFF.
227
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,823
I DON'T THINK I CAN BE
AROUND SOMEONE
228
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,015
WHOSE PROFESSION
GROSSES ME OUT.
229
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,757
WELL, I LIVE WITH TWO COMEDIANS,
SO THINK OF HOW I FEEL.
230
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,998
IT'S STUCK.
231
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,930
HEY.
HEY.
232
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,165
I'M READY TO GO.
DO YOU MIND IF I WASH MY HANDS?
233
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,014
WHY, WHAT'S ON THEM?
234
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,209
JUST FROM THE SUBWAY.
235
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,910
OH, RIGHT, YEAH.
236
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,282
STOP KICKING IT.
WELL, I GOTTA GET IT OUT.
237
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,411
THAT'S NOT HOW--
HOW AM I NOT GONNA GET IT OUT--
238
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,875
HEY, SHUT UP OVER THERE,
SHUT UP.
239
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,024
OKAY, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.
240
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,049
I THINK I CAN HELP.
241
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,094
HE NEEDS OUR SUPPORT.
242
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,987
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
243
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:26,333
IT'S MOTIF.
244
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:29,229
MOTIF, LOOK AT ME.
WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS.
245
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,832
THERE'S NO NEED TO PANIC.
246
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:34,944
THE A.C. UNIT IS JUST LARGER
THAN THE WINDOW FRAME.
247
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,268
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE BACK HERE.
248
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,174
YOU DID THIS TO ME.
249
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,366
MOTIF,
ON THE COUNT OF THREE,
250
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,178
I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME
ONE BIG PUSH.
251
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,880
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN.
252
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:46,953
I'M SO TIRED.
253
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,020
MOTIF, YOU CAN DO IT.
254
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,379
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
AND GIVE ME ONE BIG PUSH.
255
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,918
[breathing hard]
256
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,993
[grunts loudly]
257
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,293
IT'S CAUGHT
ON SOMETHING.
258
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,225
THE CORD IS WRAPPED
AROUND THE FIRE ESCAPE.
259
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,329
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
260
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,433
OH, MY GOD,
IS MOTIF GONNA DIE?
261
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,135
OKAY.
OKAY, EVERYONE STAY CALM.
262
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,398
THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL.
KEEP PUSHING.
263
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,807
I'M GONNA UNWRAP THE CORD,
AND--
264
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,981
[all groaning]
265
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:19,009
OH!
266
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,446
OH, GOD.
267
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,980
[gasps]
OH, YOU DID SO GOOD, MOTIF!
268
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,246
YOU DID SO GOOD.
269
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,318
OH, MY GOD, AMANDA,
THAT WAS AMAZING.
270
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,824
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE
ABLE TO STAY THAT CALM.
271
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,417
WELL, THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING A DOULA CAN DO
272
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,128
IS CREATE A CALM
AND SERENE ENVIRONMENT
273
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,860
FOR THE CHILD TO ENTER.
274
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,225
ALSO, IT WAS JUST
AN AIR CONDITIONER,
275
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,203
SO I WAS CALM AND DIDN'T CARE
WHAT HAPPENED.
276
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,132
YEAH, BUT YOU KNEW
THAT MOTIF WAS SCARED
277
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,498
AND YOU WERE THERE FOR HIM.
278
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,465
WOW, DOULAS ARE
LIKE SUPERHEROES.
279
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,344
[laughs]
280
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,442
YOU SHOULD SEE
A REAL BIRTH SOMETIME.
281
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,444
I WOULD LOVE TO.
282
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,475
YOU WOULD?
283
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,276
WELL, IF YOU'RE SERIOUS,
284
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,275
A CLIENT OF MINE IS
INDUCING THIS FRIDAY.
285
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,047
YEAH, BUT--BUT SHE
PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT
286
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,346
A STRANGER THERE, SO--
287
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,417
ACTUALLY, IT'S MY CLIENT'S
FIFTH BABY,
288
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,885
SO SHE'S REALLY CHILL
ABOUT IT.
289
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:04,964
[both chuckle]
290
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,032
WOW!
291
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,930
I'VE NEVER HAD ANYONE
THERE FOR SUPPORT.
292
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,902
THANK YOU!
UH--
293
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,471
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
294
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,199
A LOT OF GUYS WOULD BE
TOO SQUEAMISH, BUT NOT YOU.
295
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,535
[chuckles]
NO.
296
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,869
NO, NOT ME.
HA HA HA.
297
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,807
WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY SAY.
298
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,112
I SURE HOPE I DON'T DIE
BEFORE FRIDAY.
299
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,384
[laughs]
300
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,453
OHH.
301
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,052
LOOK AT HIM.
302
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:35,224
STOP FILMING ME,
I LOOK TERRIBLE.
303
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:45,402
JOHN.
HEY, LOU.
304
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,802
OH, NO, IS THIS
SOME KIND OF MARIONETTE THING
305
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,135
YOU'RE INTO NOW?
306
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,569
NO, MY USUAL MAKEUP GIRL
IS GONE.
307
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,144
WHERE IS TIFFANY?
WHERE IS MELISSA IN WARDROBE?
308
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:57,475
LOOK AT ME.
309
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,310
I WAS STYLED
FOR THE SHOW TODAY
310
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:02,176
BY SOME RETIRED COP
NAMED ANTONY.
311
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,986
YOU WANT MORE FACE PAINT?
312
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,448
NO, NO, NO,
I'M GOOD, THANKS.
313
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,556
I AM A DUDE, DUDE.
314
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,588
I WANT WOMEN
PUTTING MAKEUP ON ME.
315
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,493
THE WOMEN ARE ON STRIKE.
NONE OF THEM WILL WORK
316
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,296
UNTIL YOU END
THE HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT.
317
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,369
HOSTILE? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, HOSTILE?
318
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,938
WHAT ABOUT THE STAFF CONGA LINE
YESTERDAY THAT I STARTED?
319
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,999
MISS THING HERE WAS
SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU
320
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,267
TO STOP ACTING SO HORNY
ON THE SHOW,
321
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,436
BUT HE DIDN'T, AND NOW,
WE'RE ALL ON STRIKE.
322
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,906
JOHN, YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?
323
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,475
LOU, I'M REALLY SORRY.
324
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,553
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WEIRD
TO BRING IT UP TO YOU.
325
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:38,852
IS THIS LESS WEIRD?
326
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,486
LOOK, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO SAY?
327
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,060
I'M UNCOMFORTABLE
TALKING TO MY BOSS
328
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,959
ABOUT SEX, OKAY?
I'M SORRY.
329
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:48,431
WELL, SORRY WILL NOT CHANGE
THE FACT THAT I NEED AN APOLOGY.
330
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,561
AND THE NEXT TIME YOU HEAR
PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ME
331
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,467
BEHIND MY BACK, YOU COME TO ME
AND TELL ME FACE-TO-FACE,
332
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,270
'CAUSE I AM A MAN,
AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE TREATED
333
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,473
LIKE A FRAGILE, LITTLE THING.
334
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,875
MAMA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HE--
335
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,046
I HATE EVERYONE HERE.
336
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,656
HEY, OSCAR.
OH, HELLO.
337
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,518
I'M HEADED UP TO 50th STREET.
338
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,457
SOMETIMES, IF I SIT
IN A BEACH CHAIR,
339
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,133
EVENTUALLY, A BLOCK PARTY
WILL START.
340
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,374
HOW ARE THINGS
WITH AMANDA?
341
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,169
UGH, THEY'RE BAD.
342
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:31,271
I HAVE TO WATCH HER DOULA
AT A BIRTH, AND I'M GONNA FAINT.
343
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,244
I'M GONNA FAINT,
AND AMANDA'S GONNA BE MAD AT ME,
344
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,144
AND THE BABY'S GONNA BE
MAD AT ME,
345
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,446
AND AMANDA'S GONNA THINK
I'M AFRAID OF VAGINAS,
346
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,008
AND THAT CAN'T BE GOOD
FOR OUR CHEMISTRY.
347
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:44,518
JOHN, EVERYONE HAS THINGS
THAT MAKE THEM SQUEAMISH.
348
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,591
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS,
BUT I'M A JEWISH PERSON,
349
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:52,490
AND THE FIRST TIME I WENT
TO A BRIS, I PASSED OUT.
350
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,455
YOU DID?
WHEN I SAW THE RABBI
351
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:57,064
PUT THAT CIGAR CUTTER
ON THAT LITTLE CASHEW,
352
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,527
I WAS A GONER.
353
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,095
WOW.
DID YOU EVER GO TO A BRIS AGAIN?
354
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,704
I HAD TO.
I GET INVITED TO ONE A WEEK.
355
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,536
EVERYONE LOVES OSCAR.
356
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,512
YEAH.
357
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,979
I DECIDED TO GET
SO USED TO GOING TO BRISSES
358
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:13,580
THAT IT WOULD BE NO WEIRDER THAN
SEEING A FRIEND GET A HAIRCUT.
359
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,253
YOU WATCH YOUR FRIENDS
GET HAIRCUTS?
360
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,422
OF COURSE.
361
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:21,620
YOU SHOULD LEARN AS MUCH
AS YOU CAN ABOUT CHILDBIRTH
362
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,994
UNTIL YOU NO LONGER
ARE WORRIED ABOUT IT.
363
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,564
DO YOU REALLY THINK
THAT WILL WORK?
364
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,302
IT WORKED FOR ME.
NOW, WHEN I GO TO A BRIS,
365
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:31,228
I JUST LAUGH AND LAUGH.
366
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,274
OF COURSE, I'M NORMALLY
VERY STONED.
367
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,566
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU,
MULANEY.
368
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,235
WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH YOU,
YOU'LL BE AS COMFORTABLE
369
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,443
WITH CHILDBIRTH AS YOU ARE
WITH THOSE SEX MURDERS
370
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,305
YOU WATCH ON CABLE
ALL DAY LONG.
371
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,713
I GUESS IT'S ALL
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE,
372
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,347
FROM BIRTH TO MURDER.
373
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,293
OKAY, MOTIF, LET'S JUST
START WITH THE BASICS.
374
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,589
[clears throat]
375
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,560
"THE JOURNEY TO BIRTH BEGINS
AT MENSTRUATION..."
376
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,629
OH, GOD.
377
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:02,398
"WHEN WOMEN EXPERIENCE SHEDDING
IN THE UTERINE LINING."
378
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:06,099
OH, "SHEDDING," THAT'S THE WORD
THAT ALWAYS GOT ME.
379
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,733
OH, G--JANE,
BEFORE YOU GET MAD,
380
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,697
ALL LOVE AND RESPECT
TO WOMEN AND THEIR BODIES.
381
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,336
I KNOW YOU HAVE TO
GO THROUGH THAT EVERY MONTH.
382
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:14,771
ACTUALLY, BETWEEN HIGH SCHOOL
GYMNASTICS AND BIRTH CONTROL,
383
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,737
SOMETIMES, I DON'T GET IT
FOR AN ENTIRE SEASON.
384
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:22,377
I'M ON KIND OF
A GAME OF THRONES CYCLE.
385
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,045
WINTER IS COMING,
BUT, LIKE, NOT FOR A WHILE.
386
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:31,621
"IN CERTAIN BIRTHS,
DOULAS WILL HAVE TO ASSIST
387
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,188
IN AN EPISIOTOMY WHEN THE--"
388
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:38,574
WHAT?
WHAT IS IT?
389
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:45,538
IF THE BABY CAN'T SQUEEZE OUT,
THEY CUT AREA BETWEEN--
390
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,072
MANHATTAN AND BROOKLYN?
391
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,477
YES!
392
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:52,448
OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS HORRIBLE!
393
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,719
HOW DID MY MOTHER NEVER
TELL ME ABOUT THIS?
394
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:59,588
I'M GOING TO CALL THAT WOMAN
TONIGHT AND TEAR HER A NEW ONE.
395
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,530
OH, JOHN, I ALREADY DID.
396
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,528
JANE, WHAT IF THAT LADY TOMORROW
HAS AN EPISIOTOMY?
397
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,231
I WILL DIE.
I WILL DIE RIGHT THERE---
398
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:13,703
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
"EPISIOTOMY'S" JUST A WORD.
399
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,543
EPISIOTOMY?
EPISIOTOMY!
400
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,570
YEAH, EPISIOTOMY,
IT'S JUST A WORD.
401
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:23,106
IT SOUNDS LIKE A LITTLE
ITALIAN MAN, MR. EPISIOTOMY.
402
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,083
YEAH.
AND HE--
403
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,311
AND HE SWEEPS UP
IN FRONT OF HIS STORE, AND--
404
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,446
YEAH, AND HE HAS TWO DAUGHTERS
HE'S VERY PROUD OF.
405
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:32,191
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, MR. EPISIOTOMY,
WHY YOU-A NEVER SMILE?
406
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:36,089
YEAH, UH, "BECAUSE THEY CUT-A
BETWEEN MY VAGINA AND MY ANUS."
407
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,726
SORRY.
408
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,531
THIS IS ROUGH.
409
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,803
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN
OSCAR'S ADVICE.
410
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,639
[laughs]
411
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,638
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
412
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,770
[laughs]
413
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,406
(female TV announcer)
THE WOMAN IS PLACED IN STIRRUPS,
414
00:17:56,443 --> 00:18:00,453
AND THE MIRACLE OF LIFE
IS ALMOST COMPLETE.
415
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,350
YOU MADE IT 20 MINUTES
INTO THE MOVIE.
416
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:03,482
YOU MIGHT BE CURED,
MULANEY.
417
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:07,646
HOW DO YOU NOT GET WAXED
BEFORE MAKING A VIDEO LIKE THIS?
418
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,757
[grunts]
419
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,129
A LITTLE FURTHER, JANE!
420
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,596
A LITTLE FURTHER, MOTIF.
WE GOT THIS.
421
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:26,214
ALL RIGHT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
OHH.
422
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,509
HEY, ANDRE.
HEY.
423
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,510
MULANEY,
YOU WERE HELPING TOO.
424
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,641
YES.
425
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,507
(female TV announcer)
MOTHER AND FATHER HOLD HANDS
426
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,275
AS MOM PUSHES
FOR THE FINAL TIME.
427
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,845
HEY, THOSE ARE MY PARENTS.
428
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,924
THOSE ARE YOUR PARENTS.
429
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,522
YEAH, THAT'S MY MOM
RIGHT THERE
430
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,594
WITH THE REDHEADED BABY
COMING OUT OF HER.
431
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,462
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
432
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:47,933
THAT'S ANDRE.
433
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,700
ANDRE IS
THE MIRACLE OF LIFE BABY.
434
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:54,801
OH, MY GOD.
I'M A LITTLE MIRACLE,
435
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,674
AND MY PARENTS WANTED
TO SHARE ME WITH THE WORLD.
436
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:57,903
[baby crying]
437
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:58,907
(Sharon on TV)
I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT IT.
438
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,608
(dad on TV)
SHARON, YOU HAVE TO HOLD THE BABY
439
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,541
HE COULD GROW UP VERY WEIRD IF
HE DOESN'T GET THE RIGHT LOVE.
440
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,577
(Sharon on TV)
I DON'T CARE. I DON'T LOVE HIM.
441
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,702
YOU OKAY?
442
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,771
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT SPIKED
TO 100 DEGREES.
443
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,439
I'M FEELING A LITTLE DIZZY.
444
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,938
WELL, I FEEL GREAT,
AND I ALMOST FORGOT,
445
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,570
I BROUGHT A CONTAINER
FOR THE PLACENTA.
446
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,976
THE PLACENTA SAC
IS FILLED WITH NUTRIENTS.
447
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,608
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO KEEP IT.
448
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,445
WOW, YOU'RE LIKE
A DOULA APPRENTICE.
449
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,551
WELL, WHATEVER HELPS TO CREATE
A CALM AND SERENE ATMOSPHERE
450
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:45,724
FOR THE BABY TO ENTER.
451
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:48,662
NOTHING'S GOING TO SPOIL
THIS MOMENT.
452
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,388
WOW, A HOME BIRTH.
453
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,355
YOU KNOW, THEY COME OUT
REAL SLIMY.
454
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,504
NOT ALL CUTE
LIKE ON MURPHY BROWN.
455
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,430
LOU.
456
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:03,336
THE WORST THING SOMEONE CAN DO
AT A BIRTH IS PANIC,
457
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,570
BUT I AM VERY CONCERNED
THAT YOU ARE HERE.
458
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,405
WELL, YOUR ROOMMATES TOLD ME
WHERE YOU'D BE.
459
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,340
I CAME TO APOLOGIZE, JOHN.
460
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:10,606
(Lana)
IS THAT LOU CANNON?
461
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,713
HEY, CONGRATS, MAMA.
[chuckles]
462
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:17,016
I HAVE FOUR KIDS MYSELF.
THE BIRTH IS THE HARD PART.
463
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,519
AFTER THAT, THEY KIND OF
RAISE THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW?
464
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,693
SO ANYWAY,
I-I FEEL TERRIBLE,
465
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,692
BECAUSE YOU WERE PUT
IN AN AWKWARD SITUATION.
466
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:28,734
I MEAN, IT'S HARD TO TALK
TO YOUR BOSS ABOUT S-E-X.
467
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,761
I APPRECIATE THAT, LOU,
BUT NOW'S A VERY BAD TIME.
468
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:35,638
LANA, I CAN SEE HIS HEAD.
JUST GIVE ME ONE BIG PUSH.
469
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,568
AND OF COURSE, I WAS BEHAVING
INDELICATELY ON THE SHOW,
470
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:39,935
AND I--
SHH, SHH, SHH, LOU,
471
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,782
WE NEED TO CREATE A QUIET,
SERENE SPACE FOR THE BABY.
472
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,739
[whispering]
FYI, I TOOK CARE
473
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:48,547
OF THE RELEASE PROBLEM.
SPECIAL THANKS TO MARY JO.
474
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,481
MMM.
475
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,387
WHAT?
WHAT DID MARY JO DO?
476
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,589
WELL, IT'S WHAT WE DID
TOGETHER.
477
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,892
IN FACT, WE'VE GOT
THE VIDEO OF IT TO PROVE IT.
478
00:20:58,925 --> 00:20:59,885
(Mary Jo)
THAT'S RIGHT.
479
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:00,886
(Lou)
RAWR.
480
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:01,887
[laughs]
OH, MY GOD.
481
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,698
YEAH.
482
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,730
YOU'RE NAKED, AND...
483
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:10,295
UH, MARY JO...IS NAKED AND--
[moaning on phone recording]
484
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,337
I HAVE TO GO.
485
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,708
(Amanda)
THERE HE IS, YOUR BOY.
486
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,924
HI THERE!
YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
487
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,963
I'M LOU CANNON!
488
00:21:30,013 --> 00:21:34,563
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