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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:36,780 Have you ever confused a dream with life? 2 00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:42,700 Or stolen something when you have the cash? 3 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,340 Have you ever been blue? 4 00:01:51,380 --> 00:01:54,860 Or thought your train moving while sitting still? 5 00:01:57,340 --> 00:01:59,500 Maybe I was just crazy. 6 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:03,380 Maybe it was the '60s. 7 00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:06,580 Or maybe I was just a girl... 8 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:09,780 interrupted. 9 00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:12,140 Put her in restraints. Withdraw blood for tox. 10 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:15,100 - Hold on. - Give her five milligrams of Valium. 11 00:02:15,180 --> 00:02:17,780 - You got your end? - Want to do a C.B.C.? 12 00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:20,180 Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate. 13 00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:23,420 Aspirin fragments and vodka, I think. 14 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:26,300 Don't tell me what you think. Take it to the lab. 15 00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,540 You should check my hand. There's no bones in it. 16 00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:32,540 Looks like a wrist banger. 17 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,460 Is that why you did this? 18 00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:36,900 And other things. 19 00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:39,020 Her parents are on the way. 20 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,220 Sometimes it's hard... 21 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:46,380 for me to stay in one place. 22 00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:47,900 Susanna... 23 00:02:48,940 --> 00:02:51,380 if you had no bones in your hand... 24 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,740 how did you pick up the aspirin? 25 00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:07,060 What is my mother doing? 26 00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:09,740 Would you answer my question, please? 27 00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:13,940 How did you pick up the aspirin if you had no bones in your hand? 28 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,060 By then, they had come back. 29 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,420 I see. 30 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:26,420 No, you don't. 31 00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:27,500 Well... 32 00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:30,740 indulge me, then. 33 00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,620 Explain it to me. 34 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,740 Explain what? 35 00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:40,340 Explain to a doctor that the laws of physics... 36 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,860 can be suspended? 37 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,260 That what goes up may not come down? 38 00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,300 Explain... 39 00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:54,860 that time... 40 00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:58,260 can move backwards and forwards... 41 00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:00,380 and now to then and back again... 42 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,700 and you can't control it? 43 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:06,100 Why can't you control it? 44 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,260 What? 45 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,460 Why can't you control time? 46 00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:29,180 Sam, shh! 47 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:34,780 Where were you? Everyone is here. Come on. 48 00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:41,580 - Mary, you remember Susanna. - Yes, I do. 49 00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,420 So this is what you're wearing? 50 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,620 I didn't know it was so early. I would have changed. 51 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,460 Hey, everybody. Look who's here. 52 00:04:53,940 --> 00:04:55,860 - Happy birthday, Dad. - Thanks, sweetie. 53 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,900 I'm sorry. I want to say hi to her. 54 00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:01,380 Sweetie, would you hold this for me? 55 00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,980 I want to say hi to Susanna. 56 00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,100 Excuse me. Susanna! 57 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:09,180 Professor Gilcrest's wife. 58 00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,500 Hi. Barbara Gilcrest. Do you remember me? 59 00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:14,020 - I'm Bonnie's mom. - Yeah. 60 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,340 Your skin is so beautiful. 61 00:05:16,420 --> 00:05:19,180 Bonnie was in your Lit class, wasn't she? 62 00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,140 Yeah. How is she doing? 63 00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:23,820 She just go accepted to Radcliffe. 64 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,420 What a conundrum. 65 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,340 I'm a Wellesley girl, myself, but... 66 00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:30,700 I think young women should make up their own mind, don't you? 67 00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:36,860 Are you stoned? 68 00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:41,900 Do you smoke pot? 69 00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:45,900 Take LSD? 70 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:50,580 No drugs? 71 00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:57,980 How do you feel right now? 72 00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,260 I... 73 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,980 don't know. 74 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,820 I don't know what I'm feeling. 75 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,380 You need a rest. 76 00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:17,300 Well, I'll go home, take a nap. 77 00:06:18,340 --> 00:06:21,620 You need to go somewhere where you can get a genuine rest. 78 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,340 And you're very lucky. 79 00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,780 The best place in the world for someone like you... 80 00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:29,620 is less than a half an hour from here. 81 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,740 You don't mean Claymoore. 82 00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,820 Four days ago... 83 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:39,220 you chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka. 84 00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:43,100 I had a headache. 85 00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,580 Your father is a friend of mine. 86 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,500 He's a colleague. 87 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:57,100 He asked me to see you, even though I don't do this anymore. 88 00:06:57,820 --> 00:07:01,420 You're hurting everyone around you. 89 00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:03,820 Now... 90 00:07:03,860 --> 00:07:07,500 Claymore is a topnotch place. 91 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:10,460 A lot of people go there. 92 00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:11,660 Even writers. 93 00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:13,140 Like you. 94 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:34,140 Yes, I'd like a cab at 1240 Milford, please. 95 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,900 My mother's here. 96 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:41,380 It'll be less emotional if we do it this way. 97 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,500 Your parents and I have talked about it. 98 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,700 Now, make sure no stops. 99 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,240 Susanna, are you there? 100 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,400 Hey. I want to see you again. 101 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,960 - It was a one-time thing, okay? - Just come to my office tonight. 102 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,200 Sweetie, where are you? We're opening the presents. 103 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,560 Tell them you're going to a friend's. Please. 104 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,120 Who do you want me to tell first? 105 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,880 My parents, the department chairman or your wife? 106 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,440 What did you do? 107 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,000 Excuse me? 108 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,560 Well, you look normal. 109 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,480 I'm sad. 110 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,840 Well, everyone's sad. 111 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,280 I see things. 112 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,520 You mean like tripping? 113 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,240 Kind of. 114 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,680 Then they should put John Lennon away, huh? 115 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,680 I'm notJohn Lennon. 116 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,800 Don't get too comfortable. 117 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,960 Shouldn't my parents... 118 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,400 You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen. 119 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,280 You're over 18. This is your decision. 120 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,680 I didn't try to kill myself. 121 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:44,080 That's the kind of thing you talk about in therapy, honey. Not here. 122 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,520 You have the distinction of being the only senior at Springbrook... 123 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,440 not going on to college. 124 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,320 May I ask what you plan to do? 125 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,840 I plan to write. 126 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,480 But what to you plan to do? 127 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,960 Look, I'm not going to burn my bra... 128 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,600 or drop acid or go march on Washington. 129 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,680 I just don't want to end up like my mother. 130 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,320 Women today have more choices than that. 131 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,920 No, they don't. 132 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,160 And here. 133 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,880 You forgot one, dear. Here. 134 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself... 135 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,320 welcome to Claymoore. 136 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,920 This is the women's ward, also known as South Bell. 137 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,840 This is where you'll be staying, and this is where I work. 138 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,880 All right, this is the second floor. 139 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,400 I need you to stay close to me because it's easy to get lost here. 140 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,880 This is our ward. 141 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,240 All right. Let's start with this room. 142 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,720 This is the art room. 143 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,520 Polly. What are you doing in here? 144 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,600 I feel very musical today. Can I just... 145 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:25,400 Not today, honey. 146 00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:33,300 That's Polly. Come on. 147 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,820 Margie. 148 00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:44,300 - Polly was in the art room by herself. - I'm sorry, Val. 149 00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:47,980 All right. 150 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:50,100 Ah, the living room. 151 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:52,020 Everyone hates it. 152 00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:04,460 And these are the phones. 153 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:06,900 You need to make a call, pick up the handle... 154 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,660 tell the nurse, she'll connect you. 155 00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:12,500 This is the nurses' station, which is self-explanatory. 156 00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:16,500 And this is the TV room where everyone hangs out. 157 00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:18,700 I want my fucking clothes. 158 00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:21,900 Then you'll have to eat something, won't you? 159 00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:25,300 This is where you check-in... 160 00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:27,580 if you want walk on the grounds or something. 161 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:29,780 Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay 162 00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:32,900 Gotta jump down, spin around Pick a bale of cotton 163 00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:35,340 Jump down, spin around Pick a bale of hay 164 00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:38,580 She thinks that bothers me. Right now... 165 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,980 you're an " R," which means you're restricted to the ward. 166 00:14:41,060 --> 00:14:43,740 But in about a month, you'll probably move up to two-to-ones... 167 00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,060 which is two nurses to every patient. 168 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,420 I'm not going to be here that long. I'm just here for a rest. 169 00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:52,340 It's all right. Everybody gets the same tour free of charge. 170 00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:02,100 Georgina, this is Susanna, your new roommate. 171 00:15:02,180 --> 00:15:04,460 - Oh, great. Hi. - Hi. 172 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:07,220 Susanna, you're very lucky. Georgina's an excellent roommate. 173 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,100 Why, thank you, Valerie. 174 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,220 You're welcome. 175 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,820 Susanna, will you excuse me? I have some business I have to attend to. 176 00:15:20,860 --> 00:15:23,900 Georgina, will you take Susanna down to the dining room in a half hour? 177 00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,740 Sure. 178 00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,700 Yes means yes, Georgina. 179 00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:29,140 I know. 180 00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:46,700 Groovy box. 181 00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:49,900 - That. - Oh. 182 00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,980 Yeah, they're French. 183 00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:54,620 The French Resistance smoked them, I think. 184 00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,660 You ever read this? 185 00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:07,500 No. I saw the movie a bunch of times, though. 186 00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:10,780 The movie's actually based on the first book. 187 00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:14,860 I read that one too, but there were no ruby slippers in it originally. 188 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:18,140 They added that. This one takes place afterwards. 189 00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:20,620 Dorothy doesn't really have such a big part in this one. 190 00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,060 Fucking pig. 191 00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:31,220 Get off me! 192 00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:46,940 Hey, Dais. Let anyone in your room yet? 193 00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:53,300 Hey, girls! Hey, sexy. 194 00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:58,460 It's good to be home. 195 00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:04,020 - Hey, Torch. - Hey, Lisa. 196 00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,220 - You miss me? - Not much. 197 00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,700 Get her to her room. Gretta'll do the strip search. 198 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,020 - Who's that with Georgie-girl? - Come on. 199 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,340 - Where's Jamie? - I can't deal with this. 200 00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:17,500 - Don't give me a hard time. - Where's Jamie? 201 00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:19,820 Where is she? 202 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:23,500 Let go! Don't you fucking touch me! 203 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,780 Who are you? 204 00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:29,620 Her name is Susanna. She smokes French cigarettes. 205 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,980 Why is all your shit on her bed? 206 00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:36,460 - Why? Where's Jamie? - What are you talking about? 207 00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:41,300 What the hell are you doing, Lisa? 208 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:46,740 Back off her. Back off. You've been gone for two weeks. 209 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,820 A lot of shit has gone down. Back off. 210 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,940 How'd she do it? 211 00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,260 Get the fuck off me! 212 00:17:57,340 --> 00:18:00,940 You weak people. You're all weak fucking people! You're victims! 213 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,580 You people are fucking sick! 214 00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:05,460 What? No, Val, please. Please! 215 00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:09,940 Get her legs! 216 00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:11,340 Please! 217 00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,420 - Fuck, no! - Get her feet! 218 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:14,740 - I got her! - Get off! No, no! 219 00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,540 Help! 220 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,540 We have got to cut those nails again. 221 00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:36,420 My God. What the hell was that? 222 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,340 That was Lisa. 223 00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:41,660 And Jamie was your roommate? 224 00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,580 Jamie was Lisa's best friend. 225 00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:46,500 She was sad last week 'cause Lisa ran away... 226 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:48,780 so she hung herself with a volleyball net. 227 00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:53,900 Master. 228 00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:56,180 Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. 229 00:18:58,580 --> 00:18:59,940 Meds! 230 00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:03,820 Cynthia Crowley. 231 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,060 Susanna Kaysen. 232 00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:16,020 I am Mrs. McWilley, and these are for you. 233 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,180 - What are they? - They'll help you sleep. 234 00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:21,740 - It's 10:30. I'm not gonna... - For Christ's sake. 235 00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:24,620 You can discuss it in the morning, dear, with your doctor. 236 00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,060 In the meantime, we'll just have to agree to disagree. 237 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,660 Take them here. Have some water. 238 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:38,380 Polly Clark. 239 00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,300 You can go now. 240 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,060 Teresa McCullian. 241 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:52,980 Daisy Randone. 242 00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:52,340 Yearbook editor and member of the honor society. 243 00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,740 Heading off to Tulane University. 244 00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,860 Congratulations. 245 00:20:56,940 --> 00:20:58,860 Andrea Jacobs... 246 00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:02,140 president of the French Club and honor society... 247 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,860 and on her way to Sarah Lawrence. 248 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,100 - What is she doing? - Some kind of a stunt. 249 00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:24,660 Wake up, freak. 250 00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:28,020 Checks. 251 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,820 Why do they do that? 252 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:52,580 They're just doing checks. 253 00:21:52,660 --> 00:21:55,700 They'll space them out more after you've been here a while. 254 00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:02,700 That girl. Polly. 255 00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:06,420 How did she get all... 256 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:09,740 When she was ten... 257 00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:13,140 her mother told her that she had to give away her puppy... 258 00:22:13,180 --> 00:22:16,100 'cause he was giving her a rash. 259 00:22:16,180 --> 00:22:19,340 And so Polly went... 260 00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:22,980 and found her father's gas can... 261 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:26,580 and she poured it all over where she was getting the rash. 262 00:22:27,620 --> 00:22:29,460 And then... 263 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,020 she lit a match. 264 00:22:34,540 --> 00:22:36,380 Oh, my God. 265 00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:44,060 What about you? Why are you here? 266 00:22:45,140 --> 00:22:47,860 Pseudologia fantastica. 267 00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:50,620 What's that? 268 00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:54,740 I'm a pathological liar. 269 00:23:48,180 --> 00:23:50,100 - What are your plans this fall? - What? 270 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,380 What are your plans this fall? 271 00:23:52,460 --> 00:23:54,180 I don't have any. 272 00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:56,780 I'm going to be an ethonobotanist. 273 00:23:56,860 --> 00:23:58,740 Full scholarship to M.I.T. 274 00:23:59,860 --> 00:24:01,740 I'm gonna join the Krishnas. 275 00:24:01,780 --> 00:24:05,820 Hare Krishna? That's interesting, actually. 276 00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:07,740 I was kidding. 277 00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:24,780 You're Susanna, right? 278 00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:28,820 I'm Toby. Andrea Jacobs' brother. 279 00:24:30,420 --> 00:24:32,260 I was at graduation. 280 00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:36,300 You're... 281 00:24:37,820 --> 00:24:39,700 You're pretty when you sleep. 282 00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:41,660 Checks. 283 00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:44,100 It's 7:00. 284 00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:01,580 I mean, everybody thinks about it at some point. 285 00:25:03,340 --> 00:25:05,180 How would you do it? 286 00:25:07,220 --> 00:25:08,780 I don't know. 287 00:25:09,460 --> 00:25:11,660 I guess I haven't really thought about it. 288 00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:19,540 Once it's in your head, though... 289 00:25:21,460 --> 00:25:23,660 you become this... 290 00:25:23,740 --> 00:25:25,420 strange, new breed. 291 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:30,860 A life-form that loves to fantasize about its own demise. 292 00:25:30,940 --> 00:25:34,380 Make a stupid remark, kill yourself. 293 00:25:34,460 --> 00:25:36,540 If you like the movie, you live. 294 00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:40,220 - You miss the train, kill yourself. - Susanna. 295 00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:41,180 What? 296 00:25:42,260 --> 00:25:44,700 Let's not talk about this anymore, okay? 297 00:25:44,780 --> 00:25:46,140 Why? 298 00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:52,940 Because it's... 299 00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:54,420 stupid. 300 00:26:02,340 --> 00:26:03,260 What? 301 00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:08,620 What are you doing? 302 00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:13,820 What? 'Cause I don't want to kill myself? That's not cool to you? 303 00:26:14,900 --> 00:26:16,860 I don't want to die. I was just talking. 304 00:26:16,940 --> 00:26:19,980 Look, the world is fucked up, okay? 305 00:26:20,060 --> 00:26:23,020 It's so fucked up that if some draft zombie... 306 00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:27,180 pulls my birthday out of a barrel, I'm gonna die. 307 00:26:28,220 --> 00:26:29,620 When's your birthday? 308 00:26:31,580 --> 00:26:33,420 December 30. 309 00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:37,780 I'll pray for you. 310 00:26:40,260 --> 00:26:41,180 Checks. 311 00:27:08,180 --> 00:27:09,940 You asked for this? 312 00:27:19,620 --> 00:27:21,460 Are you going to watch? 313 00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:23,980 Afraid so. 314 00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:26,900 That's why there's so many fuzzy-legged women around here. 315 00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:33,660 Has anybody ever watched you shave your legs? 316 00:27:34,580 --> 00:27:37,420 I got two kids and one bathroom. What do you think? 317 00:27:38,620 --> 00:27:40,500 I think you should lock the door. 318 00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:45,540 September 14. 319 00:27:50,860 --> 00:27:52,620 Bingo. 320 00:27:53,780 --> 00:27:56,180 - Bingo, bingo. - "December 30." 321 00:27:57,300 --> 00:27:59,020 Oh, my God. 322 00:28:03,660 --> 00:28:05,940 A guy I know was just drafted. 323 00:28:06,900 --> 00:28:08,060 What's his name? 324 00:28:10,620 --> 00:28:11,500 Toby. 325 00:28:13,420 --> 00:28:15,260 He's dead now. 326 00:28:21,460 --> 00:28:22,900 Get out, Lisa! 327 00:28:22,980 --> 00:28:25,300 I'm not in your room, Daisy. I'm right fucking here. 328 00:28:25,380 --> 00:28:27,900 - Do you want some of my nail polish? - Get out! 329 00:28:30,060 --> 00:28:33,340 - You're looking better, Lisa. - Thanks, Margie. 330 00:28:33,420 --> 00:28:35,300 - How's the engagement going? - Well, you know. 331 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,100 No, I don't. I've been away. 332 00:28:37,780 --> 00:28:40,700 Joe wants me to... Before the wedding. 333 00:28:41,620 --> 00:28:44,380 Fuck his brains out. Use a rubber. 334 00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:47,260 Gosh, hell, no. 335 00:29:05,940 --> 00:29:07,580 Can I bum one? 336 00:29:08,860 --> 00:29:09,940 Go ahead. 337 00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:34,900 So, have you had your first Melvin yet? 338 00:29:34,980 --> 00:29:36,180 Who's that? 339 00:29:36,260 --> 00:29:39,820 Bald guy with a little pecker and a fat wife. 340 00:29:39,860 --> 00:29:41,420 Your "ther-rapist," sweet pea. 341 00:29:43,180 --> 00:29:44,300 Unless... 342 00:29:44,340 --> 00:29:46,700 they're giving you shocks. 343 00:29:46,740 --> 00:29:48,820 Or, God forbid, letting you out. 344 00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:51,700 Then you get to see the great, wonderful Dr. Dyke. 345 00:29:51,780 --> 00:29:53,300 She means Dr. Wick. 346 00:29:55,540 --> 00:29:57,900 I've been in his office, but I haven't met him yet. 347 00:29:57,940 --> 00:30:00,220 He's a she. Dr. Wick's a girl. 348 00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:02,740 That's right, M.G. Wick's a chick. 349 00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:04,660 - Lisa! - Hence the nickname. 350 00:30:06,740 --> 00:30:09,100 Hey, Lil. When the fuck is my checkup? 351 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:13,260 It's now, Lisa. You said you'd be in your room. 352 00:30:13,300 --> 00:30:15,860 Can't let you sit too long without popping the hood. 353 00:30:31,140 --> 00:30:32,580 Asshole. 354 00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:35,820 Susanna, you have Melvin in half an hour. I'll take you there. 355 00:30:35,860 --> 00:30:38,220 I'm sorry. 356 00:30:39,420 --> 00:30:42,140 Why are you using the past tense? 357 00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:44,020 What do you mean? 358 00:30:44,100 --> 00:30:47,220 Well, he was only drafted today... 359 00:30:47,300 --> 00:30:50,860 so chances are he's not dead yet. 360 00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:54,180 Probably has several months... 361 00:30:54,260 --> 00:30:56,300 before he even reports. 362 00:30:57,780 --> 00:30:59,700 He was just a nice guy, that's all. 363 00:30:59,780 --> 00:31:02,580 And it made me feel bad. 364 00:31:02,620 --> 00:31:04,500 You've been feeling bad in general. 365 00:31:05,220 --> 00:31:07,820 Right? You've been feeling depressed. 366 00:31:09,580 --> 00:31:11,940 I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, Melvin. 367 00:31:13,260 --> 00:31:16,380 I understand you tried to kill yourself last week. 368 00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:19,380 Anything you want to tell me about that? 369 00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:21,500 I had a headache. 370 00:31:22,700 --> 00:31:27,420 So I assume you took the recommended aspirin dosage for a headache. 371 00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:29,540 I didn't try to kill myself. 372 00:31:29,620 --> 00:31:33,500 - What were you trying to do? - I was trying to make the shit stop. 373 00:31:34,620 --> 00:31:38,060 The time jumps, the depression... 374 00:31:38,140 --> 00:31:40,140 the headaches, the thing with your hand? 375 00:31:41,460 --> 00:31:43,380 All of the above. 376 00:31:45,100 --> 00:31:47,060 I see. 377 00:31:59,100 --> 00:32:01,780 What is it? Are you puzzled about something? 378 00:32:03,100 --> 00:32:05,340 Yeah. I guess I am, Melvin. 379 00:32:05,420 --> 00:32:08,940 I guess I'm puzzled as to why it is I have to be in a mental institution. 380 00:32:09,020 --> 00:32:12,980 - You put yourself here. - My parents put me here. 381 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:16,780 No, they didn't. 382 00:32:16,860 --> 00:32:19,500 Everyone here's fucking crazy! 383 00:32:19,540 --> 00:32:21,580 You want to go home. 384 00:32:24,620 --> 00:32:25,900 Same problem. 385 00:32:26,900 --> 00:32:30,100 M.G., look at me. 386 00:32:30,180 --> 00:32:31,740 Play with me. 387 00:32:32,460 --> 00:32:35,180 Don't be sad. 388 00:32:36,540 --> 00:32:38,500 - Lisa. - Yeah. 389 00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:46,220 Thank you. 390 00:33:18,380 --> 00:33:21,420 - Oh. What are these? - Colace. It's just a laxative. 391 00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:23,380 I don't need them. 392 00:33:23,460 --> 00:33:25,300 Are we going to have a problem? 393 00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:35,340 May I see? Thank you. 394 00:33:35,380 --> 00:33:37,420 Surrender. 395 00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:39,380 Are we going to have a problem? 396 00:33:40,660 --> 00:33:42,940 No? No problem. 397 00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:45,420 Phone call, booth one. 398 00:33:49,780 --> 00:33:51,140 Hold on. 399 00:33:54,340 --> 00:33:56,980 - Hi, Mom. - "Hi, honey. Your father's on too. " 400 00:33:57,060 --> 00:33:59,900 He just got back from reserve hearings. His plane got stuck at Dulles. 401 00:33:59,980 --> 00:34:02,660 - "How're you doing, honey? " - I'm fine, Dad. 402 00:34:02,740 --> 00:34:05,380 - "You know, sweetheart"... - Oh, God! 403 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:07,500 Valerie, please. 404 00:34:07,540 --> 00:34:10,180 If you can't give me any Ex-Lax, can I please have some Colace? 405 00:34:10,260 --> 00:34:12,620 No. No more laxatives. 406 00:34:12,700 --> 00:34:16,820 - Margie? - I can get her some prune juice. 407 00:34:16,900 --> 00:34:18,460 Prune juice! 408 00:34:18,540 --> 00:34:20,780 This is outrageous. 409 00:34:20,860 --> 00:34:24,940 She was wondering whether you'd made new friends, and I said... 410 00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:27,860 "No, Mom. This isn't Camp Winnetka. " 411 00:34:31,140 --> 00:34:32,980 - Daisy? - Fuck off. 412 00:34:34,540 --> 00:34:36,380 I have something you want. 413 00:34:43,220 --> 00:34:45,100 Come in. 414 00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:17,420 - You're all packed up. - I'm leaving in a month. 415 00:35:18,580 --> 00:35:20,340 My dad got me an apartment. 416 00:35:20,420 --> 00:35:24,220 - Really? Where? - It's near the airport. 417 00:35:24,300 --> 00:35:28,460 One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken. He fixed it up real nice for me. 418 00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:32,940 - You mean "eat-in kitchen." - That's what I said, asshole. 419 00:35:32,980 --> 00:35:35,060 So what do you have that I want? 420 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:42,700 - Put it on the bed and get out. - Put yours on the bed. 421 00:35:42,780 --> 00:35:46,300 Oh, Jesus. Get out! Get out! 422 00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:48,820 Don't take advantage just because she's new. 423 00:35:48,900 --> 00:35:51,100 - Pony up some Valium. - Get the fuck out... 424 00:35:51,180 --> 00:35:53,060 or I'm calling Valerie! 425 00:35:53,140 --> 00:35:55,180 Why don't you call Valerie? 426 00:35:55,260 --> 00:35:59,340 Let's ask her for some Colace just like Susie Q's got in her hand. 427 00:35:59,380 --> 00:36:01,260 Why does it stink in here? 428 00:36:02,180 --> 00:36:05,140 - I don't take Valium. - I know. That's the point. 429 00:36:05,220 --> 00:36:07,980 They give them to you, and you don't take them. 430 00:36:08,060 --> 00:36:10,100 Are you going to eat that or... 431 00:36:10,180 --> 00:36:13,180 Checks. You've got visitors, Daisy. 432 00:36:13,260 --> 00:36:15,180 I want some fucking Colace. 433 00:36:15,260 --> 00:36:17,100 Talk to Melvin tomorrow. 434 00:36:28,260 --> 00:36:32,060 You know what I think? I think you want to poop. 435 00:36:32,140 --> 00:36:33,980 I think it's been days. 436 00:36:35,340 --> 00:36:38,580 - It's okay. I don't care. - I do care! 437 00:36:42,460 --> 00:36:45,820 So Daddy buys you a private and no one gets in. 438 00:36:47,660 --> 00:36:51,140 You never leave except for when Valerie makes you go to the cafeteria... 439 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:52,780 where you never eat. 440 00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:55,220 You're a laxative junkie, so... 441 00:36:55,300 --> 00:36:59,980 I always thought you were likeJanet but here you are with this chicken. 442 00:37:01,460 --> 00:37:03,500 So what's with that, huh? 443 00:37:03,540 --> 00:37:07,420 My dad owns a deli, asshole, with a rotisserie. 444 00:37:07,500 --> 00:37:10,460 I like my dad's chicken, and when I eat something else, I puke. 445 00:37:11,940 --> 00:37:15,980 But why do you eat it here? Why don't you like to go to the cafeteria? 446 00:37:16,060 --> 00:37:18,140 Which do you like better? 447 00:37:18,220 --> 00:37:20,460 Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching? 448 00:37:21,380 --> 00:37:22,460 Alone. 449 00:37:22,540 --> 00:37:25,900 Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. 450 00:37:25,980 --> 00:37:27,900 I like to be alone when it goes in. 451 00:37:27,980 --> 00:37:33,260 To me, the cafeteria is like being with 20 girls all at once taking a dump. 452 00:37:34,380 --> 00:37:36,260 That is fucked up, Daisy. 453 00:37:38,580 --> 00:37:39,660 Come on. 454 00:37:43,140 --> 00:37:45,540 All right, assholes! 455 00:37:45,620 --> 00:37:46,860 Fine. Here. 456 00:38:03,420 --> 00:38:06,300 Lisa, don't! No, please! 457 00:38:06,380 --> 00:38:08,140 "Dios" fucking "mio. " 458 00:38:12,660 --> 00:38:14,820 I guess that's how Daddy knows she's eating. 459 00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:18,260 When I get five, Valerie makes me throw them away. 460 00:38:31,780 --> 00:38:33,580 Scribble, scribble, scribble. 461 00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:37,300 - Written anything about me yet? - Don't do that! 462 00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:50,580 Is Daisy really getting out? 463 00:38:52,740 --> 00:38:54,580 Yeah. 464 00:38:54,660 --> 00:38:56,500 She coughed up a big one. 465 00:38:56,580 --> 00:39:00,660 How can... I mean, she's insane. 466 00:39:00,740 --> 00:39:03,780 That's what "ther-rape-me" is all about. 467 00:39:03,860 --> 00:39:07,660 That's why fucking Freud's picture is on every shrink's wall. 468 00:39:07,740 --> 00:39:12,260 He created an industry. You lie down, you confess your secrets, you're saved. 469 00:39:13,300 --> 00:39:17,260 The more you confess, the more they think about setting you free. 470 00:39:17,300 --> 00:39:19,820 But what if you don't have a secret? 471 00:39:21,540 --> 00:39:24,420 Then you're a lifer, like me. 472 00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:27,460 I was changing her diaper... 473 00:39:27,540 --> 00:39:30,340 and I turned to get the powder... 474 00:39:30,420 --> 00:39:32,980 and while my back was turned, she rolled off the bed. 475 00:39:35,340 --> 00:39:37,540 She rolled off the bed and broke her leg. 476 00:39:39,820 --> 00:39:43,340 The doctor put her in a body cast, but he also strapped her down. 477 00:39:43,420 --> 00:39:45,740 - This has nothing to do... - You never told me this. 478 00:39:45,780 --> 00:39:47,980 Carl had been planning this trip to Santa Monica... 479 00:39:48,060 --> 00:39:52,340 but he had a commitment with RAND, so we took her with us. 480 00:39:52,980 --> 00:39:56,140 On the back seat, strapped to this board, 4,000 miles. 481 00:39:56,180 --> 00:39:59,860 If you like, Mrs. Kaysen, we can discuss this further... 482 00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:02,340 on the way out... 483 00:40:02,420 --> 00:40:05,300 Just how long is my daughter going to be here? 484 00:40:05,380 --> 00:40:07,220 With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen... 485 00:40:07,300 --> 00:40:11,580 psychiatry and economics are different. 486 00:40:11,660 --> 00:40:14,820 The length of Susanna's stay isn't fixed. 487 00:40:14,900 --> 00:40:17,820 It depends on her response to treatment. 488 00:40:17,900 --> 00:40:21,580 For what? Depression? It's almost Christmas. 489 00:40:21,620 --> 00:40:25,500 What are we supposed to say to the people back home who care about her? 490 00:40:25,580 --> 00:40:28,220 You see, Melvin, what's going on here"... " 491 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,380 is my parents are having a little holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis. 492 00:40:32,460 --> 00:40:34,220 - Susanna. - What? 493 00:40:36,020 --> 00:40:38,780 What is this borderline business you mentioned on the phone? 494 00:40:39,540 --> 00:40:41,260 Look... 495 00:40:41,980 --> 00:40:44,220 I don't think that's useful to Susanna. 496 00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:46,580 - I mean, not... - What "borderline business"? 497 00:40:46,660 --> 00:40:48,620 - You see, the mind... - Borderline what? 498 00:40:48,700 --> 00:40:51,020 Borderline between what and what? 499 00:40:52,100 --> 00:40:54,060 It's a condition... 500 00:40:54,140 --> 00:40:57,300 and it's called Borderline Personality Disorder. 501 00:40:57,380 --> 00:40:59,460 Oh, God. 502 00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:03,700 It's not uncommon, especially among young women. 503 00:41:03,780 --> 00:41:05,620 What causes it? 504 00:41:05,700 --> 00:41:08,220 We're really not sure. 505 00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:11,420 - Is it genetic? - Oh, Christ! 506 00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:14,780 It is five times more common... 507 00:41:14,860 --> 00:41:18,220 among those with a borderline... 508 00:41:18,300 --> 00:41:19,340 parent. 509 00:41:21,460 --> 00:41:23,500 I can't do this. 510 00:41:23,540 --> 00:41:26,100 I'm sorry. I can't... I can't do this. 511 00:41:39,820 --> 00:41:42,180 " Razors pain you, rivers are damp... 512 00:41:42,260 --> 00:41:44,100 acid stains you, drugs cause cramp... 513 00:41:44,180 --> 00:41:46,220 guns aren't lawful, nooses give... 514 00:41:46,260 --> 00:41:49,580 gas smells awful, you might as well live." 515 00:41:49,620 --> 00:41:51,180 Gin. 516 00:42:02,420 --> 00:42:04,940 - Asshole. - Fatso. 517 00:42:10,540 --> 00:42:12,860 John. Call me a cab. 518 00:42:12,940 --> 00:42:14,740 Okay, you're a cab. 519 00:42:19,780 --> 00:42:22,420 Lisa said you got into Daisy's room... 520 00:42:23,660 --> 00:42:25,740 and it was full of chickens. 521 00:42:25,820 --> 00:42:28,220 Susanna, you have a phone call. 522 00:42:32,020 --> 00:42:34,500 "So what's your "diag"-"nonsense"? " 523 00:42:34,580 --> 00:42:37,340 - Who is this? - "What'd he say to Mom and Pop? " 524 00:42:46,260 --> 00:42:48,300 I have a borderline personality. 525 00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:51,980 - That's nothing. What else? - "He didn't want to say. " 526 00:42:52,020 --> 00:42:54,220 He thought it would affect my recovery. 527 00:42:55,140 --> 00:42:56,980 Listen, tongue your meds tonight. 528 00:42:57,060 --> 00:42:59,940 After 1:00 checks, Gretta always goes out for a smoke. 529 00:43:00,020 --> 00:43:03,540 Check the mirrors, and if they're clear, you go down to Hector's closet. 530 00:43:03,620 --> 00:43:06,020 It's near the art room, and it will be open. 531 00:43:22,340 --> 00:43:24,020 Torch! 532 00:43:24,980 --> 00:43:26,220 Come on. 533 00:43:44,780 --> 00:43:46,860 This is how Lisa gets out when she escapes. 534 00:43:51,020 --> 00:43:54,020 We're under administration so, no good here. 535 00:43:55,220 --> 00:43:57,420 Good thing this place works on a sliding scale. 536 00:43:57,460 --> 00:43:59,500 We get to mingle with the lock-picking trash. 537 00:44:27,780 --> 00:44:30,020 Susanna, you're up. 538 00:44:31,660 --> 00:44:34,220 I've only done this once in my life. 539 00:44:54,180 --> 00:44:56,140 All right! 540 00:45:26,820 --> 00:45:28,740 When they built this place, they put the tunnels in... 541 00:45:28,820 --> 00:45:31,500 so the loons didn't have to go anywhere in the cold. 542 00:45:31,580 --> 00:45:33,500 I must have missed that in the brochure. 543 00:45:37,420 --> 00:45:39,300 Hey, open this door. 544 00:45:52,140 --> 00:45:54,620 What the fuck are you doing? 545 00:46:04,980 --> 00:46:08,260 Wow. Dr. Wick's office. 546 00:46:22,420 --> 00:46:24,820 All right. Georgina Tuskin. 547 00:46:36,420 --> 00:46:38,260 Susanna Kaysen. 548 00:46:40,980 --> 00:46:43,020 Polly Clark. 549 00:46:45,460 --> 00:46:47,820 Cynthia Crowley. 550 00:46:47,860 --> 00:46:49,740 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 551 00:46:50,980 --> 00:46:52,820 Janet Webber. 552 00:46:55,460 --> 00:46:57,300 Lisa Rowe. 553 00:47:29,860 --> 00:47:31,340 Fuck you, Melvin. 554 00:47:35,740 --> 00:47:37,580 Want to see mine? 555 00:47:38,580 --> 00:47:40,420 Let me see yours. 556 00:47:51,860 --> 00:47:54,540 " Highs and lows increasingly severe. 557 00:47:55,220 --> 00:47:57,740 Controlling relationships with patients. 558 00:47:57,820 --> 00:48:00,940 No appreciable response to meds. 559 00:48:01,020 --> 00:48:03,300 No remission observed." 560 00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:05,580 That was before you ran away. 561 00:48:05,620 --> 00:48:07,620 We are very rare, and we are mostly men. 562 00:48:07,700 --> 00:48:10,540 Lisa thinks she's hot shit because she's a sociopath. 563 00:48:10,580 --> 00:48:12,820 - I'm a sociopath. - No, you're a dyke. 564 00:48:12,900 --> 00:48:15,980 " Borderline Personality Disorder. 565 00:48:16,020 --> 00:48:19,580 An instability of self-image, relationships and mood. 566 00:48:19,660 --> 00:48:21,500 Uncertainty about goals... 567 00:48:21,580 --> 00:48:24,860 impulsive in activities that are self-damaging... 568 00:48:24,940 --> 00:48:27,500 such as casual sex." 569 00:48:27,540 --> 00:48:30,420 - I like that. - "Social contrariness... 570 00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:33,860 and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed." 571 00:48:36,140 --> 00:48:39,220 - That's me. - That's everybody. 572 00:48:39,300 --> 00:48:41,900 I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual? 573 00:48:41,980 --> 00:48:44,620 They mean promiscuous. 574 00:48:44,660 --> 00:48:46,780 I'm not promiscuous. 575 00:48:51,180 --> 00:48:52,860 I'm not. 576 00:49:09,740 --> 00:49:11,020 Jesus. 577 00:49:11,100 --> 00:49:13,100 Look atJanet. 578 00:49:13,180 --> 00:49:15,020 No, it's all right. 579 00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:21,060 You know, taking us for ice creams in a blizzard... 580 00:49:21,140 --> 00:49:23,780 makes you wonder who the real whack jobs are. 581 00:49:23,860 --> 00:49:25,700 I think it's kind of nice. 582 00:49:25,780 --> 00:49:29,180 I think it's nice to do something nice on Daisy's last day. 583 00:49:57,700 --> 00:49:58,700 Fuck. 584 00:49:58,780 --> 00:50:02,140 - I'm going to have peppermint stick. - Me too. Can I have peppermint stick? 585 00:50:02,220 --> 00:50:06,060 - Sure. - No, it's just called a peppermint. 586 00:50:06,140 --> 00:50:07,500 - Peppermint dick! - Honestly. 587 00:50:08,940 --> 00:50:09,940 Peppermint clit! 588 00:50:14,860 --> 00:50:17,900 - We're just gonna have four cones. - Four cones. 589 00:50:18,980 --> 00:50:22,220 - Susanna, do you want anything? - I'm fine. 590 00:50:27,460 --> 00:50:29,220 - Ronny. - Yes? 591 00:50:29,300 --> 00:50:31,780 - You got any hot fudge? - Yes. 592 00:50:31,860 --> 00:50:36,140 Yeah? Can I have a vanilla sundae with hot fudge... 593 00:50:36,220 --> 00:50:38,380 and sprinkles? 594 00:50:38,460 --> 00:50:39,660 Rainbow, not chocolate. 595 00:50:41,100 --> 00:50:42,700 And... 596 00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:47,820 whipped cream... 597 00:50:47,900 --> 00:50:49,740 cherries... 598 00:50:49,820 --> 00:50:51,660 and... 599 00:50:51,740 --> 00:50:53,300 Nuts? 600 00:51:01,140 --> 00:51:02,780 Let's have a seat, ladies. 601 00:51:05,780 --> 00:51:09,900 Melvin thought that I should live in a halfway house. 602 00:51:11,380 --> 00:51:15,020 But my father knew that I deserved my own apartment. 603 00:51:15,060 --> 00:51:17,140 So he got me the prettiest apartment. 604 00:51:17,220 --> 00:51:19,500 It has an eat-in chicken... 605 00:51:19,580 --> 00:51:22,740 and all this beautiful wicker furniture and... 606 00:51:22,820 --> 00:51:25,260 Which is fantastic. Wicker butterflies. 607 00:51:26,420 --> 00:51:28,580 My very favorite part... 608 00:51:28,660 --> 00:51:30,260 is like in the phone book. 609 00:51:30,340 --> 00:51:33,100 There's a sign right outside that says: 610 00:51:33,180 --> 00:51:36,380 "If you lived here you'd be home now." 611 00:51:38,260 --> 00:51:42,540 Do you remember me? You must remember me. 612 00:51:42,620 --> 00:51:45,740 - Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest, hi. - Susanna, are you okay? 613 00:51:45,820 --> 00:51:48,820 I'm fine. 614 00:51:48,900 --> 00:51:53,220 - Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe? - Wellesley. I'm enjoying it. 615 00:51:53,300 --> 00:51:55,900 It's strong in art. I'm going to the Sorbonne this summer. 616 00:51:55,980 --> 00:51:59,420 - That's great. - You know, I know all about you. 617 00:51:59,500 --> 00:52:02,220 And I hope they put you away forever. 618 00:52:03,460 --> 00:52:06,100 - Is this the professor's wife? - What professor? 619 00:52:06,180 --> 00:52:07,820 You told everybody. 620 00:52:08,980 --> 00:52:12,460 - Lady, back off. - Was I talking to you? 621 00:52:12,540 --> 00:52:15,380 No, you were spitting on me, so mellow fucking out. 622 00:52:15,460 --> 00:52:18,460 - Don't you tell me what to do. - She gave your husband a rim job. 623 00:52:18,540 --> 00:52:20,060 Big fucking deal! 624 00:52:20,140 --> 00:52:23,180 I'm sure he was begging for it, and I heard it was like a pencil anyway. 625 00:52:23,260 --> 00:52:24,660 How dare you? 626 00:52:24,740 --> 00:52:28,580 Some advice, okay? Don't point your fucking finger at crazy people! 627 00:52:31,540 --> 00:52:32,940 Let go of me. 628 00:52:34,260 --> 00:52:37,420 - Mother. - Get that out of my face, asshole! 629 00:52:40,060 --> 00:52:42,140 Let go! Now. 630 00:52:43,580 --> 00:52:44,940 Stop it! 631 00:52:49,780 --> 00:52:51,820 You shared a man with that woman? 632 00:52:57,940 --> 00:53:00,900 - Did you enjoy the fresh air, Lisa? - Yeah, I did, Val. Thanks. 633 00:53:00,980 --> 00:53:03,780 Good. Because it's the last time you're leaving the ward. 634 00:53:05,580 --> 00:53:08,380 Is that a dare or a double dare? 635 00:53:10,540 --> 00:53:12,620 Okay. Raise your arms. 636 00:53:12,700 --> 00:53:15,300 Very good. We're going to be trees. 637 00:53:15,380 --> 00:53:18,740 Feel the strength in your arms as the branches... 638 00:53:18,820 --> 00:53:21,420 and reach those branches up to the sky. 639 00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:24,500 Come on, Susanna. Reach. Very good. 640 00:53:24,580 --> 00:53:27,340 Up. Lisa, all right. 641 00:53:27,380 --> 00:53:30,300 Reach your arms, girls. Reach. Really lift. 642 00:53:30,380 --> 00:53:32,260 Feel the stretch through the hip. 643 00:53:32,340 --> 00:53:34,700 Very good. Let your arms be branches. 644 00:53:34,740 --> 00:53:37,220 Feel the strength of those branches. 645 00:53:37,300 --> 00:53:40,380 Reach. Reach all the way up into the sky. 646 00:53:40,460 --> 00:53:42,300 Very good. 647 00:53:42,380 --> 00:53:46,180 Let the wind blow the leaves, and let your fingers be the leaves. 648 00:53:46,260 --> 00:53:47,540 Good, M.G. 649 00:53:47,620 --> 00:53:51,340 Very good. Feel the wind. Good. Good, Lisa. 650 00:53:51,420 --> 00:53:53,540 Very good. 651 00:53:53,620 --> 00:53:56,780 Just lift up. Lift up. Very good, girls. 652 00:53:56,820 --> 00:53:59,460 Now feel your feet Feel your feet be rooted. 653 00:53:59,540 --> 00:54:01,980 Go down into a plie. Very good. 654 00:54:02,060 --> 00:54:04,540 Good, girls. Polly, very good. 655 00:54:04,620 --> 00:54:08,300 Okay. Now stretch it. The wind's blowing really hard this way. This way. 656 00:54:08,340 --> 00:54:12,180 - It's blowing you over. - That is not fair! 657 00:54:14,580 --> 00:54:16,460 Seventy-four is the perfect weight! 658 00:54:19,540 --> 00:54:21,500 Good luck, crazy bitch. 659 00:54:21,580 --> 00:54:25,180 Now what kind of tree can you be, Janet, down there on the floor? 660 00:54:25,260 --> 00:54:27,580 I'm a fucking shrub, all right? 661 00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:10,620 I cannot fight back. You're used to it. It's so clear. 662 00:55:46,540 --> 00:55:50,620 Martin Luther King, Jr. Was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee. 663 00:55:50,700 --> 00:55:54,220 He was shot in the face as he stood alone on the balcony of his hotel room. 664 00:55:54,300 --> 00:55:56,260 Last night, he said this... 665 00:55:56,340 --> 00:55:59,300 I don't know what will happen now. 666 00:55:59,380 --> 00:56:02,940 We've got some difficult days ahead. 667 00:56:03,020 --> 00:56:05,740 But it really doesn't matter with me now... 668 00:56:05,820 --> 00:56:08,140 because I've been to the mountaintop. 669 00:56:09,660 --> 00:56:11,620 And I don't mind. 670 00:56:12,780 --> 00:56:14,860 What are your other chores like? 671 00:56:14,940 --> 00:56:18,340 Well, they call me mom "and mama and mommy and"... 672 00:56:19,380 --> 00:56:21,740 Susanna, you have a visitor. 673 00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:27,380 Well, how... What are you doing here? 674 00:56:32,020 --> 00:56:34,380 I ship out next week. 675 00:56:35,980 --> 00:56:37,500 Here. 676 00:56:53,740 --> 00:56:55,980 Checks. 677 00:56:56,020 --> 00:56:58,020 Sorry. 678 00:56:58,100 --> 00:57:01,860 No. It's okay. We have ten minutes till they come back. 679 00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:16,660 What you doing? 680 00:57:16,740 --> 00:57:17,940 Nothing. 681 00:57:18,020 --> 00:57:22,740 Well, why don't you go to your room and do nothing, huh? 682 00:57:32,180 --> 00:57:33,540 Checks. 683 00:57:44,940 --> 00:57:46,580 - Hey, Margie. - Hey, Lisa. 684 00:57:46,660 --> 00:57:48,900 - What you doing? - Checks. 685 00:57:48,940 --> 00:57:51,020 - How's Joe? - He's fine. 686 00:57:51,100 --> 00:57:52,340 Yeah. 687 00:57:52,420 --> 00:57:54,420 Lisa, I have to do my checks. 688 00:57:54,500 --> 00:57:57,740 Yeah, and taking five minutes from me would be a dereliction of duty? 689 00:57:58,900 --> 00:58:00,780 What would you do if I had punctured artery? 690 00:58:00,820 --> 00:58:03,180 You'd just go about your rounds, ignoring my wounds? 691 00:58:03,220 --> 00:58:05,980 - Stop it. - Stop what? Look at this. 692 00:58:06,060 --> 00:58:08,780 - Go ahead. - That's enough. 693 00:58:08,820 --> 00:58:11,660 Take one fucking step, and I'll jam this in my aorta. Go ahead. 694 00:58:11,700 --> 00:58:14,940 - Stop it. - Lisa, your aorta is in your chest. 695 00:58:16,780 --> 00:58:18,300 Good to know. 696 00:58:19,020 --> 00:58:21,620 - I'll make a note of that. - Good. 697 00:58:29,340 --> 00:58:32,980 Susanna, you have grounds privileges. Why don't you take a walk? 698 00:58:33,060 --> 00:58:35,180 Go get a cup of coffee. 699 00:58:39,740 --> 00:58:41,420 We should get out of here. 700 00:58:56,940 --> 00:59:00,140 - The cafeteria's this way. - Just keep walking. My wheels are here... 701 00:59:00,220 --> 00:59:02,180 Wait. What are we doing? 702 00:59:04,580 --> 00:59:06,700 We're going to Canada. 703 00:59:09,140 --> 00:59:13,380 Susanna, you're not crazy. 704 00:59:14,380 --> 00:59:16,780 Okay? You don't need to be here. 705 00:59:18,100 --> 00:59:20,340 I tried to kill myself, Toby. 706 00:59:20,420 --> 00:59:25,180 - What, you took some aspirin... - I took a bottle of aspirin. 707 00:59:26,340 --> 00:59:30,660 And that buys you a year in this place? Susanna, that's bullshit, okay? 708 00:59:30,740 --> 00:59:31,900 They're breaking you. 709 00:59:31,980 --> 00:59:35,220 Now come on, all right? Everything's changing, man. 710 00:59:35,300 --> 00:59:37,620 What the fuck do they know about being normal? 711 00:59:38,820 --> 00:59:42,060 I have friends in here. 712 00:59:43,180 --> 00:59:45,780 Who? Them? 713 00:59:45,860 --> 00:59:48,140 Those girls... Susanna. 714 00:59:49,580 --> 00:59:52,860 They're eating grapes off of the wallpaper. 715 00:59:52,940 --> 00:59:55,540 Okay? They're insane. 716 00:59:55,620 --> 00:59:58,140 If they are, I am. 717 01:00:02,020 --> 01:00:03,900 Baby, listen. Come with me. 718 01:00:08,300 --> 01:00:12,180 Look, my dad gave me five grand. 719 01:00:13,300 --> 01:00:16,660 Okay? We can go up there. We can build a cabin in the woods. 720 01:00:17,700 --> 01:00:21,620 Susanna, look. I know that this sounds crazy... 721 01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:25,780 but I think I love you. 722 01:00:26,860 --> 01:00:29,140 So come with me, okay? 723 01:00:30,660 --> 01:00:32,500 Come with me. 724 01:00:40,460 --> 01:00:44,900 - You wanna leave, don't you? I mean... - Yes. 725 01:00:44,980 --> 01:00:46,860 I wanna leave... 726 01:00:50,420 --> 01:00:52,300 but not with you. 727 01:00:55,980 --> 01:00:57,820 Not with you. 728 01:00:59,140 --> 01:01:00,980 I'm sorry. 729 01:01:02,700 --> 01:01:05,660 Susanna, wait a second. 730 01:01:48,220 --> 01:01:50,060 Why did you do that? 731 01:01:53,580 --> 01:01:56,140 Fix the lightbulb at night. 732 01:01:58,060 --> 01:02:00,620 I'm not here in the morning... 733 01:02:00,700 --> 01:02:05,420 and that's when you like to draw your pictures and stuff, so... 734 01:02:16,020 --> 01:02:17,180 John? 735 01:02:23,940 --> 01:02:26,140 Why do you like me? 736 01:02:28,860 --> 01:02:30,700 I just like you. 737 01:02:32,060 --> 01:02:33,620 That's all. 738 01:02:34,700 --> 01:02:37,260 I wish you were getting better, though. 739 01:02:37,340 --> 01:02:43,020 I would take you out to go see a movie... 740 01:02:43,060 --> 01:02:44,460 or something. 741 01:02:47,020 --> 01:02:48,860 That'd be nice. 742 01:02:50,420 --> 01:02:53,300 No! My face! 743 01:02:55,940 --> 01:02:57,380 I'm okay! 744 01:02:57,420 --> 01:03:00,180 Just step... Let her be. She's fine. 745 01:03:00,260 --> 01:03:03,980 Polly. Seclusion. Take her to seclusion. Come on. 746 01:03:04,020 --> 01:03:05,980 - I got you. - Come on. 747 01:03:06,060 --> 01:03:10,140 What happened to my face? My face. Why? 748 01:03:14,580 --> 01:03:18,940 Quieten down. You're all right. 749 01:03:19,020 --> 01:03:20,420 - My face! - You're all right. 750 01:03:20,460 --> 01:03:23,340 I'm ugly! My face! 751 01:03:40,380 --> 01:03:42,220 And the important thing is... 752 01:03:42,300 --> 01:03:46,100 that Disney World is located just a few miles from the crossing point... 753 01:03:46,180 --> 01:03:48,020 "of Interstate 4 at"... 754 01:03:49,140 --> 01:03:51,540 What happened to Polly? 755 01:03:53,700 --> 01:03:56,780 What needs to happen? No one's ever gonna kiss her. 756 01:03:58,700 --> 01:04:02,020 Look. They're building a new Disneyland in Florida. 757 01:04:02,100 --> 01:04:04,940 If I could have any job in the world, I'd be a professional Cinderella. 758 01:04:05,980 --> 01:04:09,740 You could be Snow White, and Polly could be Minnie Mouse. 759 01:04:09,780 --> 01:04:12,700 And then everyone would hug her and kiss her and love her... 760 01:04:12,780 --> 01:04:15,820 and no one would know what's inside that big giant head, you know? 761 01:04:17,060 --> 01:04:19,260 Give me your keys. 762 01:04:32,980 --> 01:04:34,380 My face! 763 01:04:47,260 --> 01:04:50,380 - It's Susanna. - Just play something. 764 01:04:50,420 --> 01:04:52,940 If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now. 765 01:04:53,020 --> 01:04:54,380 Come on. 766 01:05:13,900 --> 01:05:17,780 When you're alone and life is making you lonely 767 01:05:17,860 --> 01:05:23,020 You can always go downtown 768 01:05:30,860 --> 01:05:34,980 When you've got worries All the noise and the hurry 769 01:05:35,020 --> 01:05:38,540 Seems to help I know 770 01:05:45,020 --> 01:05:46,380 Downtown 771 01:05:48,140 --> 01:05:53,780 Just listen to the music in the traffic in the city 772 01:05:53,860 --> 01:05:58,180 Linger on the sidewalks where the neon lights are pretty 773 01:05:58,260 --> 01:06:02,700 How can you lose 774 01:06:02,780 --> 01:06:05,580 The lights are much brighter there 775 01:06:05,660 --> 01:06:10,420 You can forget all your troubles Forget all your cares and go 776 01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:12,420 - "Downtown" - Back to your room, please. 777 01:06:12,500 --> 01:06:16,300 - "Things'll be great when you're downtown" - Please. Back in your room. 778 01:06:16,340 --> 01:06:18,700 - "Everything's waiting for you" - McWilley will wake up. 779 01:06:18,740 --> 01:06:22,380 - "Just listen to the rhythm" - Give me the guitar. 780 01:06:22,420 --> 01:06:25,620 - You're gonna get me fired. Lisa. - "You'll be dancing with him too" 781 01:06:25,700 --> 01:06:27,380 Before the night is over 782 01:06:27,460 --> 01:06:30,620 - Susanna, give me the guitar. - "Happy again" 783 01:06:31,700 --> 01:06:35,020 - Oh, yeah. - It's okay. Come here. 784 01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:37,460 You're gonna get me fired, you know that? 785 01:06:48,740 --> 01:06:50,740 Downtown 786 01:06:52,780 --> 01:06:55,500 Everything's great 787 01:06:55,540 --> 01:06:59,420 When you're downtown 788 01:07:24,500 --> 01:07:26,380 I'm writing you up. 789 01:07:26,420 --> 01:07:28,420 I am sick of this bullshit. 790 01:07:33,540 --> 01:07:35,740 Is she here? 791 01:07:35,820 --> 01:07:37,700 You can go in now. 792 01:07:43,580 --> 01:07:47,180 - What did she do? - They drugged Nurse McWilley. 793 01:07:53,220 --> 01:07:54,660 Good morning, Susanna. 794 01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:56,820 - Good morning. - How are you? 795 01:07:58,660 --> 01:08:00,980 I'm fine, I guess. 796 01:08:02,220 --> 01:08:03,900 Sit down. 797 01:08:12,700 --> 01:08:14,300 You look tired. 798 01:08:16,380 --> 01:08:21,180 Polly freaked out last night, and we stayed up singing to her... Lisa and I. 799 01:08:22,860 --> 01:08:25,420 Have you become friends with Lisa? 800 01:08:27,500 --> 01:08:30,140 - Why? Is that bad? - Does it feel bad? 801 01:08:32,620 --> 01:08:35,700 Before you came here, did you have many girlfriends? 802 01:08:35,780 --> 01:08:37,140 Not really. 803 01:08:39,340 --> 01:08:41,180 Would you say that, before you came here... 804 01:08:41,260 --> 01:08:45,100 your friends consisted mainly of boys, of men? 805 01:08:46,500 --> 01:08:48,940 Does it say in there that I'm promiscuous? 806 01:08:49,020 --> 01:08:51,380 Why do you choose that word? 807 01:08:51,460 --> 01:08:53,300 How many guys would I have to sleep with... 808 01:08:53,380 --> 01:08:56,460 to be considered promiscuous... textbook promiscuous? 809 01:08:57,980 --> 01:09:02,220 - What do you think? - Ten. Eight. Five. 810 01:09:03,620 --> 01:09:07,140 And how many girls would a guy my age have to sleep with to be promiscuous? 811 01:09:07,180 --> 01:09:09,260 Ten? Twenty? A hundred and nine? 812 01:09:09,340 --> 01:09:11,260 Someone who's impulsively promiscuous... 813 01:09:11,340 --> 01:09:14,740 might engage in a sex act with a guest in their room... 814 01:09:14,820 --> 01:09:16,940 and then engage in another sex act... 815 01:09:16,980 --> 01:09:19,460 during the same day with an orderly. 816 01:09:23,820 --> 01:09:28,620 Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly or giving my boyfriend a blow job? 817 01:09:30,580 --> 01:09:35,940 Melvin says you have some very interesting theories about your illness. 818 01:09:36,980 --> 01:09:40,940 You believe there is a mystical undertow in life. 819 01:09:41,020 --> 01:09:44,460 "Quicksands of shadows." 820 01:09:44,540 --> 01:09:48,620 And another one of my theories is that you people don't know what you're doing. 821 01:09:48,660 --> 01:09:51,700 Still you acknowledge there is a problem coping with this quicksand. 822 01:09:51,780 --> 01:09:55,620 I have a problem coping with this hospital. I wanna leave. 823 01:09:57,340 --> 01:09:58,700 I can't do that. 824 01:09:58,780 --> 01:10:01,460 I signed myself in. I should be able to sign myself out. 825 01:10:01,540 --> 01:10:04,980 You signed yourself into our care. We decide when you leave. 826 01:10:05,060 --> 01:10:07,060 You're not ready for it, Susanna. 827 01:10:07,140 --> 01:10:10,220 Your progress has plateaued. 828 01:10:11,700 --> 01:10:15,980 - Does that disappoint you? - I'm ambivalent. 829 01:10:16,060 --> 01:10:18,860 In fact, that's my new favorite word. 830 01:10:18,940 --> 01:10:21,420 Do you know what that means, ambivalence? 831 01:10:21,500 --> 01:10:25,020 - I don't care. - If it's your favorite word, I would... 832 01:10:25,100 --> 01:10:27,820 It means "I don't care." That's what it means. 833 01:10:27,860 --> 01:10:30,580 On the contrary, Susanna... 834 01:10:30,660 --> 01:10:35,540 ambivalence suggests strong feelings in opposition. 835 01:10:35,620 --> 01:10:40,140 The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." 836 01:10:41,180 --> 01:10:44,460 The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." 837 01:10:44,540 --> 01:10:47,980 The word suggests that you are torn... 838 01:10:48,060 --> 01:10:50,860 between two opposing courses of action. 839 01:10:54,300 --> 01:10:56,700 Will I stay or will I go? 840 01:10:56,780 --> 01:11:00,100 Am I sane or am I crazy? 841 01:11:00,140 --> 01:11:02,060 Those aren't courses of action. 842 01:11:02,660 --> 01:11:06,260 They can be, dear, for some. 843 01:11:06,340 --> 01:11:08,460 Well, then, it's the wrong word. 844 01:11:08,540 --> 01:11:12,300 No. I think it's perfect. 845 01:11:25,460 --> 01:11:28,500 "What world is this? 846 01:11:28,580 --> 01:11:30,260 What kingdom? 847 01:11:31,380 --> 01:11:33,740 What shores of what worlds?" 848 01:11:34,780 --> 01:11:39,060 It's a very big question you're faced with, Susanna. 849 01:11:40,140 --> 01:11:43,660 The choice of your life. 850 01:11:43,740 --> 01:11:46,860 How much will you indulge in your flaws? 851 01:11:48,260 --> 01:11:51,780 What are your flaws? Are they flaws? 852 01:11:51,820 --> 01:11:56,980 If you embrace them, will you commit yourself to hospital for life? 853 01:11:58,220 --> 01:12:01,140 Big questions. Big decisions. 854 01:12:02,540 --> 01:12:06,180 Not surprising you profess carelessness about them. 855 01:12:13,540 --> 01:12:15,580 Is that it? 856 01:12:16,980 --> 01:12:19,020 For now. 857 01:12:27,020 --> 01:12:28,900 This way, Susanna. 858 01:12:42,940 --> 01:12:44,820 John was moved to the men's ward... 859 01:12:46,860 --> 01:12:49,860 and Lisa never came back from Dr. Wick's office. 860 01:13:16,900 --> 01:13:19,500 We live in a time of doubt. 861 01:13:19,580 --> 01:13:23,740 The institutions we once trusted no longer seem reliable. 862 01:13:23,820 --> 01:13:27,660 - "End the war now! " - "We are rich but our system"... 863 01:13:27,740 --> 01:13:31,500 Daisy sent us a postcard all about her new apartment. 864 01:13:31,540 --> 01:13:33,900 She got a pussycat. 865 01:13:34,900 --> 01:13:36,940 Where's Lisa? 866 01:13:37,740 --> 01:13:40,220 You know where she is. 867 01:13:41,140 --> 01:13:43,500 They just put her in another ward. 868 01:13:54,500 --> 01:13:56,420 I think you need to get up. 869 01:13:57,460 --> 01:14:00,900 I'm just going to rest for a while. Just a little while. 870 01:14:07,980 --> 01:14:09,900 What do you want? What are you doing? 871 01:14:13,100 --> 01:14:15,980 Fuck! You st... 872 01:14:16,660 --> 01:14:18,380 Sorry. Too cold? 873 01:14:18,420 --> 01:14:22,540 What the fuck are you doing? Get me the fuck out of this tub! 874 01:14:22,620 --> 01:14:23,820 Get yourself out. 875 01:14:23,900 --> 01:14:28,740 Where's Lisa? Where the fuck is Lisa? 876 01:14:28,820 --> 01:14:31,180 What's the matter? Can't hack it without her? 877 01:14:31,220 --> 01:14:36,180 You banish her for singing to Polly? We were trying to help her. 878 01:14:36,260 --> 01:14:40,780 We were trying to help her! This place is a Fascist torture chamber! 879 01:14:42,140 --> 01:14:45,980 See, I worked in state hospitals. This place is a five-star hotel. 880 01:14:47,860 --> 01:14:49,740 Oh, Lordy, pick a bale of cotton 881 01:14:49,780 --> 01:14:53,140 - "Oh, Lordy, pick a bale"... - I can take a lot of crazy shit... 882 01:14:53,220 --> 01:14:56,460 from a lot of crazy people, but you... 883 01:14:56,540 --> 01:14:58,500 you are not crazy. 884 01:14:58,580 --> 01:15:03,380 Then what's wrong with me, huh? What the fuck's going on inside my head? 885 01:15:03,460 --> 01:15:06,100 Tell me, Dr. Val. What's your diag-nonsense? 886 01:15:06,180 --> 01:15:10,380 You are a lazy, self-indulgent little girl... 887 01:15:10,420 --> 01:15:13,180 who is driving herself crazy. 888 01:15:15,940 --> 01:15:19,860 Oh, is that your own medical opinion, huh? 889 01:15:19,940 --> 01:15:23,380 Is that what you've learned in your advanced studies at night school... 890 01:15:23,460 --> 01:15:25,740 for Negro welfare mothers? 891 01:15:26,420 --> 01:15:29,540 I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue, Wick is a psycho... 892 01:15:29,580 --> 01:15:31,980 and you, you pretend you're a doctor. 893 01:15:32,060 --> 01:15:34,260 You sign the charts, and you dole out meds. 894 01:15:34,340 --> 01:15:36,420 But youse ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie. 895 01:15:36,460 --> 01:15:38,820 Youse ain't nothing but a black nursemaid. 896 01:15:42,340 --> 01:15:44,260 And you're just throwing it away. 897 01:16:09,700 --> 01:16:12,620 You still wanna go to Florida? 898 01:16:14,340 --> 01:16:17,300 Lisa, we need money, don't we? 899 01:16:17,380 --> 01:16:20,140 - You've been tonguing your meds, right? - Yeah, but I only have... 900 01:16:20,220 --> 01:16:22,660 They gave me shocks again. 901 01:16:22,700 --> 01:16:24,660 All right, Jamie? I have to get out of here. 902 01:16:27,060 --> 01:16:28,940 I'm Susanna. 903 01:16:50,220 --> 01:16:52,060 What are we doing? 904 01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:56,740 What is it? 905 01:16:57,740 --> 01:17:01,340 " Dear sir, please give Daisy Randone assistance... 906 01:17:01,420 --> 01:17:04,860 installing a telephone at 23 Vicar Street." 907 01:17:04,940 --> 01:17:06,940 I thought we were going to Florida. 908 01:17:07,020 --> 01:17:09,860 We are. We just need a place to crash till we get plane tickets. 909 01:17:11,980 --> 01:17:13,380 Come on. 910 01:17:23,980 --> 01:17:25,340 Nice coat. 911 01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:28,900 What? 912 01:18:30,060 --> 01:18:32,580 You don't want me, Tony. 913 01:18:32,620 --> 01:18:34,780 Yes, I do, baby. 914 01:18:34,860 --> 01:18:37,460 No, you don't. I'm a crazy girl. 915 01:18:37,540 --> 01:18:39,860 You're crazy, so we can't have one night of bliss? 916 01:18:39,940 --> 01:18:43,100 I am a crazy girl. Seriously. 917 01:18:44,380 --> 01:18:46,820 - You've been in a hospital? - Yes. 918 01:18:52,740 --> 01:18:54,580 Do you see purple people? 919 01:18:56,140 --> 01:18:58,460 My friend. He saw purple people. 920 01:18:58,540 --> 01:19:01,580 And so the state came and took him away. 921 01:19:02,900 --> 01:19:04,860 He didn't like that. 922 01:19:04,940 --> 01:19:10,180 Some time went by, and he told them he didn't see purple people no more. 923 01:19:10,260 --> 01:19:11,740 He got better. 924 01:19:12,540 --> 01:19:15,260 No. He still sees them. 925 01:19:17,940 --> 01:19:20,620 - Come on. We gotta split. - Hey, somebody stop her! 926 01:19:20,700 --> 01:19:23,900 She took my fucking wallet! 927 01:19:33,260 --> 01:19:35,980 Identify yourself. 928 01:19:36,020 --> 01:19:39,540 It's Susanna and... It's Susanna. 929 01:19:39,620 --> 01:19:41,420 Daisy? 930 01:19:47,340 --> 01:19:50,660 - You got Valium? - Yeah. 931 01:20:03,300 --> 01:20:05,340 Oh, wow. Cool pad. 932 01:20:07,300 --> 01:20:09,180 Peace, man. Peace. 933 01:20:09,260 --> 01:20:12,660 Come on. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I was a drag. That's for you. 934 01:20:21,860 --> 01:20:23,220 That's Ruby. 935 01:20:24,260 --> 01:20:26,860 My dad bought her for me. 936 01:20:28,020 --> 01:20:31,180 This is the Castro Convertible. 937 01:20:31,220 --> 01:20:33,620 - It pulls out. - Yeah. 938 01:20:33,700 --> 01:20:35,180 - Where's the bathroom? - Right there. 939 01:20:39,180 --> 01:20:42,580 - You don't have a tub. - No, I don't. 940 01:20:43,420 --> 01:20:45,260 - What about upstairs? - No. 941 01:20:45,300 --> 01:20:47,180 Yeah. Okay. 942 01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,660 So, what, did you two escape or what? 943 01:20:50,700 --> 01:20:53,220 Actually, we're going to Florida. 944 01:20:53,260 --> 01:20:56,380 All you have is mustard and your chickens. 945 01:20:56,460 --> 01:21:00,220 So, what are you girls going to do in Florida? 946 01:21:01,420 --> 01:21:04,100 I'm going to be the new Cinderella at Walt Disney's new theme park. 947 01:21:05,100 --> 01:21:07,460 Susanna's gonna be Snow White. 948 01:21:07,500 --> 01:21:10,020 You can come if you want. 949 01:21:10,060 --> 01:21:12,580 You can be the cocker spaniel that eats spaghetti. 950 01:21:14,860 --> 01:21:16,300 I wanna make pancakes. 951 01:21:16,340 --> 01:21:18,340 I'm tired. I wanna go to bed. 952 01:21:18,420 --> 01:21:20,780 In the morning. I want to make pancakes in the morning. 953 01:21:20,860 --> 01:21:22,540 There's a market on the corner. 954 01:21:22,580 --> 01:21:25,020 Pans are under the sink. 955 01:21:25,100 --> 01:21:26,940 Silver's in that drawer. 956 01:21:30,180 --> 01:21:31,860 Do you have any money? 957 01:21:33,100 --> 01:21:35,500 Do you have some sort of a safety net down there? 958 01:21:37,540 --> 01:21:40,300 People you know down there in Florida? 959 01:21:40,380 --> 01:21:43,180 Relatives? 960 01:21:43,260 --> 01:21:45,900 Friends? Anything? 961 01:21:46,780 --> 01:21:49,140 Yeah. 962 01:21:56,220 --> 01:22:01,420 This is for your pancakes. Don't make a lot of noise in the morning. 963 01:22:03,420 --> 01:22:06,060 I like to sleep late. 964 01:22:06,100 --> 01:22:08,340 I'll come down when I'm ready. 965 01:22:36,300 --> 01:22:37,980 Give me the Valium. 966 01:22:39,020 --> 01:22:41,020 We don't need your daddy's money. 967 01:22:41,100 --> 01:22:43,460 Then leave it there. 968 01:22:43,540 --> 01:22:45,740 Just give me the fucking Valium. 969 01:22:52,180 --> 01:22:54,540 - What's this, huh? What's this? - Let go. 970 01:22:54,580 --> 01:22:58,100 - Trying out your new silver? - Get the fuck off me. 971 01:22:58,180 --> 01:23:00,580 - Less appealing for Daddy? - Lisa. 972 01:23:00,660 --> 01:23:04,940 - Look at your own arm, asshole. - I'm sick, Daisy. We know that. 973 01:23:04,980 --> 01:23:07,340 But you're in so-called "recovery" playing Betty Crocker... 974 01:23:07,380 --> 01:23:09,300 cut up like a goddamn Virginia ham. 975 01:23:09,380 --> 01:23:11,980 Just stop it, okay? 976 01:23:12,060 --> 01:23:15,380 Help me understand, Dais... 977 01:23:15,460 --> 01:23:17,300 'cause I thought you didn't do Valium. 978 01:23:17,380 --> 01:23:19,620 Tell me how this safety net is working for you. 979 01:23:19,660 --> 01:23:23,260 Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin... 980 01:23:23,340 --> 01:23:27,020 and pray for the courage to press down. 981 01:23:28,300 --> 01:23:32,580 Tell me how your daddy helps you cope with that. 982 01:23:32,620 --> 01:23:34,580 Illuminate me. 983 01:23:36,860 --> 01:23:39,180 My father loves me. 984 01:23:41,420 --> 01:23:45,900 I bet, with every inch of his manhood. 985 01:23:45,980 --> 01:23:48,300 Oh, God. 986 01:23:51,940 --> 01:23:53,780 I'm going to sleep now. 987 01:24:02,700 --> 01:24:04,540 Please be gone in the morning. 988 01:24:07,100 --> 01:24:09,620 You're just jealous, Lisa... 989 01:24:10,860 --> 01:24:12,900 because I got better... 990 01:24:13,660 --> 01:24:16,420 because I was released... 991 01:24:16,460 --> 01:24:18,420 because I have a chance... 992 01:24:20,340 --> 01:24:22,060 at a life. 993 01:24:23,700 --> 01:24:26,460 They didn't release you because you're better, Daisy. 994 01:24:26,540 --> 01:24:28,380 They just gave up. 995 01:24:29,460 --> 01:24:31,340 You call this a life, hmm? 996 01:24:31,380 --> 01:24:35,900 Taking Daddy's money, buying your dollies and your knickknacks... 997 01:24:35,980 --> 01:24:39,300 and eating his fucking chicken, fattening up like a prize heifer? 998 01:24:40,780 --> 01:24:42,940 You changed the scenery but not the fucking situation... 999 01:24:43,020 --> 01:24:45,420 and the warden makes house calls. 1000 01:24:45,500 --> 01:24:47,940 And everybody knows... 1001 01:24:48,020 --> 01:24:50,540 everybody knows that he fucks you. 1002 01:24:52,260 --> 01:24:56,460 What they don't know is that you like it. 1003 01:24:57,900 --> 01:25:00,860 - Hmm? You like it. - Shut the fuck up! 1004 01:25:00,940 --> 01:25:03,420 Hey, man. It's cool. It's okay. 1005 01:25:03,500 --> 01:25:06,220 It's fine. It's fucking fine. A man is a dick... 1006 01:25:06,260 --> 01:25:08,580 is a man is a dick is a chicken... 1007 01:25:08,620 --> 01:25:12,500 is a dad, a Valium, a speculum, whatever. 1008 01:25:12,580 --> 01:25:14,980 Hmm? Whatever. 1009 01:25:16,620 --> 01:25:18,460 You like being Mrs. Randone. 1010 01:25:20,260 --> 01:25:22,180 Probably all you've ever known, huh? 1011 01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:27,660 Have fun in Florida. 1012 01:27:14,580 --> 01:27:16,580 Has she come down yet? 1013 01:27:19,700 --> 01:27:22,740 But she's been playing that shit all morning! 1014 01:28:58,580 --> 01:29:00,940 Oh, my God! 1015 01:29:11,940 --> 01:29:13,940 What an idiot. 1016 01:29:22,220 --> 01:29:25,940 - Yes. I need an ambulance. - Make it a hearse. 1017 01:29:27,220 --> 01:29:31,020 Daisy Randone. I think she killed herself. 1018 01:29:33,140 --> 01:29:37,380 23 Vicar Street. Yes. Please hurry. 1019 01:29:48,620 --> 01:29:51,860 You pressed her buttons. Now you're taking her money. 1020 01:29:53,220 --> 01:29:55,940 Please. I didn't press shit. She was waiting for an excuse. 1021 01:29:55,980 --> 01:29:58,860 Come on. Pack up. We have to go, all right? 1022 01:29:58,940 --> 01:30:01,660 We have to go. Now we have money. 1023 01:30:05,460 --> 01:30:07,340 Susanna, don't be stupid. 1024 01:30:10,740 --> 01:30:13,060 All right. Fine. Be stupid. 1025 01:32:20,780 --> 01:32:24,100 We should send someone for a litter box. 1026 01:32:51,900 --> 01:32:54,300 Can I pet the kitty? 1027 01:32:56,460 --> 01:32:58,420 Yeah. Be careful. 1028 01:33:00,700 --> 01:33:03,980 Hello, puddycat. 1029 01:33:04,060 --> 01:33:05,420 Kitty! 1030 01:33:06,340 --> 01:33:08,700 You're so cute. 1031 01:33:19,980 --> 01:33:21,380 Checks. 1032 01:33:23,420 --> 01:33:24,780 Where's Georgina? 1033 01:33:26,020 --> 01:33:27,860 She's staying with Polly tonight. 1034 01:33:28,900 --> 01:33:31,460 They're playing with your cat. 1035 01:33:34,820 --> 01:33:36,660 Did they find Lisa? 1036 01:33:57,100 --> 01:33:59,140 I couldn't stand up to her. 1037 01:34:03,820 --> 01:34:06,500 A decent person would have done something. 1038 01:34:09,420 --> 01:34:11,300 Shut her up. 1039 01:34:15,020 --> 01:34:16,380 Gone upstairs. 1040 01:34:17,580 --> 01:34:19,460 Talked to Daisy. 1041 01:34:22,220 --> 01:34:24,460 Melvin said you went upstairs. 1042 01:34:26,620 --> 01:34:27,980 Too late. 1043 01:34:30,580 --> 01:34:32,460 What would you have said to her? 1044 01:34:34,580 --> 01:34:36,460 I don't know. 1045 01:34:38,060 --> 01:34:39,900 That I was sorry. 1046 01:34:45,220 --> 01:34:47,620 That I'll never know what it was like to be her. 1047 01:34:52,220 --> 01:34:55,380 But I know what it's like to want to die. 1048 01:34:59,940 --> 01:35:01,980 How it hurts to smile. 1049 01:35:04,300 --> 01:35:07,180 How you try to fit in, but you can't. 1050 01:35:09,100 --> 01:35:12,460 How you hurt yourself on the outside... 1051 01:35:12,540 --> 01:35:14,740 to try to kill the thing on the inside. 1052 01:35:17,620 --> 01:35:22,380 Susanna, it's all well and good to tell me all this... 1053 01:35:23,340 --> 01:35:26,740 but you've got to tell some of this to your doctors. 1054 01:35:32,900 --> 01:35:37,660 How the hell am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease? 1055 01:35:38,620 --> 01:35:41,140 But you do understand it. 1056 01:35:41,220 --> 01:35:44,580 You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. 1057 01:35:45,340 --> 01:35:48,460 But I think what you've got to do is put it down. 1058 01:35:48,500 --> 01:35:50,900 Put it away. Put it in your notebook. 1059 01:35:50,980 --> 01:35:53,060 But get it out of yourself. 1060 01:35:53,780 --> 01:35:57,020 Away, so you can't curl up with it anymore. 1061 01:36:04,100 --> 01:36:07,020 Lisa thinks it's a gift... 1062 01:36:09,180 --> 01:36:12,180 that it lets you see the truth. 1063 01:36:15,020 --> 01:36:17,500 Lisa's been here for eight years. 1064 01:36:25,460 --> 01:36:27,740 I'm so sorry. 1065 01:36:27,820 --> 01:36:32,020 - I was a pig. - It's all right. Listen. 1066 01:36:33,660 --> 01:36:38,140 Do not drop anchor here, understand? 1067 01:36:40,220 --> 01:36:41,580 Good. 1068 01:36:51,020 --> 01:36:52,900 When you don't want to feel... 1069 01:36:54,140 --> 01:36:55,980 death can seem like a dream. 1070 01:36:57,860 --> 01:37:00,620 "But seeing death"... 1071 01:37:00,660 --> 01:37:03,340 "really seeing it"... 1072 01:37:03,380 --> 01:37:06,780 makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. 1073 01:37:08,220 --> 01:37:11,980 Maybe there's a moment, growing up... 1074 01:37:12,060 --> 01:37:16,140 "when something peels back"... "maybe"... 1075 01:37:16,180 --> 01:37:18,740 We look for secrets because we can't believe our minds. 1076 01:37:18,820 --> 01:37:22,140 And though I missed Lisa, life was easier without her. 1077 01:37:22,220 --> 01:37:26,980 - "A thought is a hard thing to control. " - "Out in the real world"... 1078 01:37:27,060 --> 01:37:29,500 All I know is that I began to feel things again. 1079 01:37:29,580 --> 01:37:32,340 - "Crazy, sane, whatever I was... " - "Stupid, smart"... 1080 01:37:32,420 --> 01:37:35,300 I knew there was only one way back to the world... 1081 01:37:35,340 --> 01:37:38,900 and that was to use the place to talk. 1082 01:37:38,980 --> 01:37:42,620 - My tongue becomes this intrusion. - "So I saw the great Dr. Wick... " 1083 01:37:42,700 --> 01:37:44,260 three times a week... 1084 01:37:44,340 --> 01:37:47,060 and I let her hear every thought in my head. 1085 01:37:50,740 --> 01:37:54,460 Do you think maybe I have ESP or something, that I'm gifted? 1086 01:37:55,420 --> 01:37:56,860 Perhaps. 1087 01:38:08,620 --> 01:38:11,380 You think I can be home by Thanksgiving? 1088 01:38:15,140 --> 01:38:17,900 Nothing's happened in weeks, you know. 1089 01:38:17,940 --> 01:38:21,020 The point is control. 1090 01:38:21,100 --> 01:38:25,300 Yeah, and here I am, in control, off meds... 1091 01:38:25,380 --> 01:38:28,060 no headaches, sleeping sound. 1092 01:38:36,460 --> 01:38:38,900 Oh, will you help me? Can you help me? 1093 01:38:38,980 --> 01:38:40,900 You don't need to be helped any longer. 1094 01:38:40,980 --> 01:38:43,260 You've always had the power to go back to Kansas. 1095 01:38:44,020 --> 01:38:46,700 - "I have? " - "Then why didn't you tell her before? " 1096 01:38:46,780 --> 01:38:49,140 Because she wouldn't have believed me. 1097 01:38:49,220 --> 01:38:51,060 She had to learn it for herself. 1098 01:38:51,140 --> 01:38:52,980 What have you learned, Dorothy? 1099 01:38:53,740 --> 01:38:54,820 Well... 1100 01:38:57,500 --> 01:38:59,420 "I think that it"... 1101 01:38:59,500 --> 01:39:03,300 that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em... 1102 01:39:03,380 --> 01:39:07,980 and that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again... 1103 01:39:08,020 --> 01:39:11,380 I won't look any further than my own backyard... 1104 01:39:11,460 --> 01:39:14,340 because if it isn't there... 1105 01:39:14,420 --> 01:39:16,820 I never really lost it to begin with. 1106 01:39:16,900 --> 01:39:17,780 Right? 1107 01:39:40,140 --> 01:39:41,500 Thanks, Joe. 1108 01:40:41,580 --> 01:40:43,540 Go away. 1109 01:40:43,620 --> 01:40:44,980 Go away! 1110 01:40:51,340 --> 01:40:52,740 It's me. 1111 01:41:07,420 --> 01:41:09,980 It's been a while... 1112 01:41:11,020 --> 01:41:13,500 and I just wanted to say hey. 1113 01:41:17,540 --> 01:41:21,820 - You okay? - Fabulous. 1114 01:41:25,020 --> 01:41:27,380 You're gonna be late. Gretta's waiting for you. 1115 01:41:32,060 --> 01:41:34,420 I gotta go. Dr. Wick. 1116 01:41:37,420 --> 01:41:39,300 They still fucking with you? 1117 01:41:42,860 --> 01:41:45,140 They're, um... 1118 01:41:46,180 --> 01:41:48,500 Actually, they're letting me out. 1119 01:41:52,300 --> 01:41:54,180 Oh, that's great. 1120 01:41:57,220 --> 01:41:59,060 You better go. 1121 01:42:14,780 --> 01:42:19,140 Uh, well, my dad got me a job, a part-time job... 1122 01:42:19,180 --> 01:42:21,420 at a bookstore in Harvard Square. 1123 01:42:22,460 --> 01:42:25,500 And I got an apartment with a phone so I can... 1124 01:42:25,580 --> 01:42:27,700 Stay in touch. Uh-huh. 1125 01:42:27,780 --> 01:42:31,940 Yep. And I'll be seeing Sonia twice a week. 1126 01:42:31,980 --> 01:42:35,780 Is that your long-term plan... to work in retail? 1127 01:42:39,340 --> 01:42:41,700 My plan? No. 1128 01:42:41,780 --> 01:42:43,660 Then what do you plan to do? 1129 01:42:47,020 --> 01:42:48,500 I plan to write. 1130 01:42:55,860 --> 01:42:57,780 Polly Clark. 1131 01:42:58,540 --> 01:42:59,940 Cynthia Crowley. 1132 01:43:03,820 --> 01:43:05,900 Susanna Kaysen. 1133 01:43:08,220 --> 01:43:10,820 - You know, I don't think I need them. - Sleeping pills, darling. 1134 01:43:10,900 --> 01:43:14,380 You want to be rested for tomorrow, don't you? Last night's a long one. 1135 01:43:14,460 --> 01:43:16,580 Good girl. Katie Cooper. 1136 01:43:19,340 --> 01:43:20,780 RosemaryJones. 1137 01:43:23,180 --> 01:43:24,860 Teresa McCullian. 1138 01:43:33,340 --> 01:43:37,940 - Stuck. Garbage. - Relax. 1139 01:43:41,980 --> 01:43:44,580 - Come on - Come on. Open the door. 1140 01:43:44,660 --> 01:43:46,780 - Come on! - Leave me alone! 1141 01:43:50,060 --> 01:43:51,180 Get off! 1142 01:43:55,980 --> 01:43:58,020 - Come on! This way! - Stop it! 1143 01:44:04,820 --> 01:44:06,220 Get off me! 1144 01:44:46,700 --> 01:44:48,100 Ruby. 1145 01:45:27,420 --> 01:45:30,820 "If I spread my fingers, my hand looked more human... 1146 01:45:30,900 --> 01:45:32,500 so I did that. 1147 01:45:32,580 --> 01:45:35,220 But it was tiring holding my fingers apart, so I let them relax... 1148 01:45:35,300 --> 01:45:38,700 and then, I turned my hand over. 1149 01:45:38,780 --> 01:45:39,820 Oh, my God. 1150 01:45:39,900 --> 01:45:42,580 And the back of it wasn't much better. My veins bulged." 1151 01:45:47,140 --> 01:45:49,300 Shut up. I'm reading. Shut up! 1152 01:45:51,660 --> 01:45:56,340 "I can honestly say that my memory has been transformed. 1153 01:45:56,420 --> 01:45:59,500 So by Freud's definition, I have achieved mental health. 1154 01:45:59,580 --> 01:46:02,140 And my discharge sheet reads, 'recovered. ' 1155 01:46:02,900 --> 01:46:04,500 'Recovered."' 1156 01:46:06,940 --> 01:46:09,500 Don't do this! 1157 01:46:09,580 --> 01:46:11,500 "Whatever it was, I just didn't want it. 1158 01:46:11,580 --> 01:46:13,180 Find something new. 1159 01:46:13,260 --> 01:46:16,700 Had my personality... 1160 01:46:16,780 --> 01:46:19,700 Had I stopped arguing with my personality? 1161 01:46:21,020 --> 01:46:24,620 'Recovered."' We were just reading your book. 1162 01:46:24,700 --> 01:46:27,740 We figured since it's your last night, we'd have a little read-aloud. 1163 01:46:27,820 --> 01:46:29,980 Celebrate all the wisdom you're carrying into the world. 1164 01:46:30,060 --> 01:46:33,420 You know, try to learn something, grow as people. 1165 01:46:34,300 --> 01:46:37,660 We read how when you were a baby, they strapped you to a board. 1166 01:46:37,740 --> 01:46:39,940 And how you think Georgina doesn't want to leave and Polly never will... 1167 01:46:39,980 --> 01:46:41,540 and that I'm criminally insane. 1168 01:46:41,620 --> 01:46:44,220 What are you guys doing here? 1169 01:46:44,300 --> 01:46:47,980 " Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic, now just look empty." 1170 01:46:49,700 --> 01:46:52,260 That is mine. 1171 01:46:55,020 --> 01:46:59,020 "Georgina lies only to people who keep her here. 1172 01:46:59,100 --> 01:47:01,700 Sometimes I think she wants to live in Oz forever." 1173 01:47:01,780 --> 01:47:05,500 - How perceptive. - You better erase that thing... 1174 01:47:05,580 --> 01:47:07,620 'cause my father is the head of the CIA... 1175 01:47:07,660 --> 01:47:09,980 and he could have you dead in minutes! 1176 01:47:10,060 --> 01:47:12,020 - "In this world, looks are everything. - Oh, God. 1177 01:47:12,100 --> 01:47:15,780 Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness and purity aren't genuine at all... 1178 01:47:15,820 --> 01:47:18,900 but a desperate attempt to make it easier for us to look at her." 1179 01:47:18,980 --> 01:47:22,380 So nice of you to pass judgement on us now that you're cured. 1180 01:47:22,460 --> 01:47:24,900 What the fuck are you doing, Lisa? 1181 01:47:24,980 --> 01:47:27,700 I'm playing the villain, baby, just like you want. 1182 01:47:27,780 --> 01:47:30,300 - I try to give you everything you want. - No, you don't. 1183 01:47:31,860 --> 01:47:34,540 You wanted your file, I found your file! You wanted out, I got you out! 1184 01:47:34,620 --> 01:47:36,860 You needed money, I found you some! 1185 01:47:36,940 --> 01:47:40,260 I'm consistent! I told you the truth! I didn't write it in a book! 1186 01:47:40,340 --> 01:47:42,260 I told you to your face... 1187 01:47:42,340 --> 01:47:45,100 and I told Daisy to her face what everybody knew and wouldn't say... 1188 01:47:45,180 --> 01:47:46,660 and she killed herself. 1189 01:47:46,700 --> 01:47:49,620 And I played the fucking villain, just like you wanted. 1190 01:47:49,700 --> 01:47:51,220 Why would I want that? 1191 01:47:52,620 --> 01:47:55,860 Because it makes you the good guy, sweet pea. 1192 01:47:55,940 --> 01:47:59,180 And you come back here, all sweetness and light and sad and contrite... 1193 01:47:59,220 --> 01:48:03,740 and everybody sits, wringing their hands congratulating you and your bravery. 1194 01:48:03,820 --> 01:48:08,140 Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at a bus station for the money in her robe! 1195 01:48:09,180 --> 01:48:12,220 - Stop it, Lisa! - Shut up, Polly! 1196 01:48:14,300 --> 01:48:16,620 Where are you going? 1197 01:48:16,700 --> 01:48:20,980 - I'm talking. Where are you going? - Lisa, stop it, please! 1198 01:48:22,220 --> 01:48:25,020 Where are you going? I'm talking to you. 1199 01:48:29,380 --> 01:48:30,940 You don't like me anymore? 1200 01:48:31,020 --> 01:48:33,020 No, I don't! 1201 01:48:34,260 --> 01:48:36,340 - 'Cause you're free? - Shut up! 1202 01:48:36,420 --> 01:48:39,940 You think you're free? I'm free! 1203 01:48:40,020 --> 01:48:42,980 - You don't know what freedom is! - Please, Lisa! 1204 01:48:43,060 --> 01:48:45,100 I'm free! 1205 01:48:45,180 --> 01:48:47,300 I can breathe! 1206 01:48:47,380 --> 01:48:51,220 And you... you're gonna go choke on your average fucking mediocre life. 1207 01:49:03,300 --> 01:49:05,260 You know, there are too many buttons in the world. 1208 01:49:05,340 --> 01:49:07,660 There's too many buttons, and they're just... 1209 01:49:09,100 --> 01:49:11,660 There's way too many just begging to be pressed. 1210 01:49:11,740 --> 01:49:13,700 They're just begging to be pressed. 1211 01:49:13,780 --> 01:49:16,940 You know? They're just begging to be pressed. 1212 01:49:16,980 --> 01:49:19,180 And it makes me wonder. 1213 01:49:19,220 --> 01:49:21,100 You know, it really makes me fucking wonder... 1214 01:49:21,140 --> 01:49:23,020 why doesn't anybody ever press mine? 1215 01:49:23,060 --> 01:49:25,660 Why am I so neglected? Why doesn't anybody... 1216 01:49:25,740 --> 01:49:28,940 reach in, rip out the truth and tell me... 1217 01:49:28,980 --> 01:49:32,660 that I'm a fucking whore and that my parents wish I were dead? 1218 01:49:32,740 --> 01:49:35,780 Because you're dead already, Lisa! 1219 01:49:41,620 --> 01:49:44,820 No one cares if you die, Lisa... 1220 01:49:45,860 --> 01:49:49,100 because you're dead already. 1221 01:49:49,140 --> 01:49:51,980 Your heart is cold! 1222 01:49:55,020 --> 01:49:57,300 That's why you keep coming back here. 1223 01:49:58,860 --> 01:50:00,740 You're not free. 1224 01:50:01,740 --> 01:50:06,500 You need this place. You need it to feel alive. It's pathetic. 1225 01:50:11,700 --> 01:50:13,780 God. 1226 01:50:46,420 --> 01:50:49,060 I've wasted a year of my life. 1227 01:50:54,660 --> 01:50:57,220 And maybe everyone out there is a liar. 1228 01:51:00,820 --> 01:51:03,980 And maybe the whole world... 1229 01:51:04,020 --> 01:51:07,100 is stupid and ignorant. 1230 01:51:10,140 --> 01:51:12,060 But I'd rather be in it. 1231 01:51:14,340 --> 01:51:18,140 I'd rather be fucking in it... 1232 01:51:18,220 --> 01:51:20,100 than down here with you. 1233 01:51:38,580 --> 01:51:39,980 Don't. 1234 01:51:41,820 --> 01:51:43,660 Please don't. 1235 01:51:54,100 --> 01:51:55,580 Oh, God. 1236 01:52:38,540 --> 01:52:39,740 Did you get it? 1237 01:52:42,820 --> 01:52:46,060 I had to trade with a transvestite in the men's ward. 1238 01:52:48,940 --> 01:52:50,380 Thanks. 1239 01:53:46,860 --> 01:53:48,780 I'm not really dead. 1240 01:53:54,900 --> 01:53:56,500 I know. 1241 01:54:00,740 --> 01:54:03,220 I'm gonna miss you, Suzie Q. 1242 01:54:05,580 --> 01:54:06,940 No, you're not. 1243 01:54:07,020 --> 01:54:11,660 You're gonna get out of here, and you're gonna come and see me. 1244 01:54:18,540 --> 01:54:20,780 Yeah. 1245 01:54:35,460 --> 01:54:38,500 You know all that stuff I write in my journal... 1246 01:54:38,540 --> 01:54:40,580 I don't know what I'm saying. 1247 01:54:41,340 --> 01:54:44,380 They're just thoughts. 1248 01:54:44,460 --> 01:54:47,540 Maybe I'm a liar. 1249 01:54:48,460 --> 01:54:50,540 Maybe not. 1250 01:54:58,460 --> 01:55:00,300 See you. 1251 01:55:10,380 --> 01:55:14,780 You think if I left Ruby here, you'd take care of her for me? 1252 01:55:14,860 --> 01:55:18,060 Let me play with her when I come for my therapy? 1253 01:55:20,740 --> 01:55:22,100 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1254 01:55:23,940 --> 01:55:25,300 Thank you. 1255 01:55:29,220 --> 01:55:30,420 Bye, Ruby. 1256 01:55:32,380 --> 01:55:33,900 Bye. 1257 01:55:35,300 --> 01:55:37,020 - Yeah. - Bye, Susanna. 1258 01:55:51,020 --> 01:55:53,340 Remember me when you shave your legs. 1259 01:56:22,500 --> 01:56:24,700 Declared healthy... 1260 01:56:24,780 --> 01:56:26,820 and sent back into the world. 1261 01:56:27,820 --> 01:56:30,580 "My fi"n"al diagnosis... " 1262 01:56:30,660 --> 01:56:32,500 a recovered borderline. 1263 01:56:34,020 --> 01:56:36,740 What that means I still don't know. 1264 01:56:37,980 --> 01:56:39,940 Was I ever crazy? 1265 01:56:40,780 --> 01:56:42,660 Maybe. 1266 01:56:43,340 --> 01:56:45,220 Or maybe life is. 1267 01:56:46,900 --> 01:56:49,060 I remember you. 1268 01:56:51,260 --> 01:56:53,580 Where are you going? 1269 01:56:53,660 --> 01:56:55,980 17 Burlingame. 1270 01:56:56,020 --> 01:56:57,420 All right. 1271 01:56:58,460 --> 01:57:01,420 Crazy isn't being broken... 1272 01:57:01,500 --> 01:57:04,020 or swallowing a dark secret. 1273 01:57:05,060 --> 01:57:07,100 It's you or me... 1274 01:57:07,180 --> 01:57:08,540 amplified. 1275 01:57:09,900 --> 01:57:14,380 If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. 1276 01:57:15,620 --> 01:57:19,900 If you ever wished you could be a child forever. 1277 01:57:21,300 --> 01:57:23,780 They were not perfect... 1278 01:57:23,860 --> 01:57:25,860 but they were my friends. 1279 01:57:26,900 --> 01:57:29,740 And by the '70s... 1280 01:57:29,820 --> 01:57:31,740 most of them were out... 1281 01:57:31,820 --> 01:57:33,180 living lives. 1282 01:57:34,500 --> 01:57:35,860 Some I've seen... 1283 01:57:37,140 --> 01:57:40,020 some never again. 1284 01:57:41,380 --> 01:57:44,420 But there isn't a day "my heart doesn't fi"n"d them. " 95700