Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,891 --> 00:00:05,808
(distant rumbling)
2
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:14,792
(water dripping)
(metallic creaking)
3
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,350
(breath hissing)
4
00:00:47,051 --> 00:00:49,801
(fluid dripping)
5
00:00:58,919 --> 00:01:03,669
(splattering)
(bubbling)
6
00:01:12,016 --> 00:01:14,266
(rattling)
7
00:01:20,336 --> 00:01:23,086
(dramatic music)
8
00:01:25,699 --> 00:01:28,662
- [Narrator] Global warning is upon us,
9
00:01:28,662 --> 00:01:30,579
the Earth is in crises.
10
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,207
It is a time in need of heroes,
11
00:01:35,104 --> 00:01:38,854
especially in one
particular, horrible place.
12
00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:42,332
(slow sympathetic music)
(sighing)
13
00:01:42,332 --> 00:01:43,165
- Ah.
14
00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,906
♪ There's a ♪
(coughing)
15
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,906
(audience laughing)
16
00:01:56,626 --> 00:02:01,626
♪ There's a place
between heaven and hell ♪
17
00:02:02,212 --> 00:02:07,212
♪ Don't need no map,
just follow the smell ♪
18
00:02:08,608 --> 00:02:13,608
♪ A place filled with filthy air ♪
19
00:02:14,088 --> 00:02:19,088
♪ A place full of dark despair ♪
20
00:02:19,448 --> 00:02:23,320
♪ A place you have no prayer ♪
21
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,070
♪ A place called ♪
22
00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:31,265
(audience snickering)
23
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:36,810
♪ New Jersey ♪
(dramatic music)
24
00:02:36,810 --> 00:02:41,034
♪ New Jersey ♪
25
00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:43,736
♪ New Jersey ♪
26
00:02:43,736 --> 00:02:46,120
♪ The Garden State ♪
27
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,370
(lively music)
28
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,297
♪ There's an exit called the 13B ♪
29
00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:53,730
♪ Right off the turnpike where
it smells just like pee ♪
30
00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:56,840
♪ An exit no one dares get off ♪
31
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,970
♪ An exit where the children cough ♪
32
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:03,637
♪ An exit called Tromaville ♪
33
00:03:04,892 --> 00:03:09,120
(thunder crackling)
♪ Tromaville ♪
34
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:14,120
♪ If the pollution doesn't
get you, the aroma will ♪
35
00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:18,418
♪ Who will save New Jersey? ♪
36
00:03:18,418 --> 00:03:21,458
♪ We're dying for some air ♪
37
00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:24,669
♪ There's no hope in New Jersey, Lord ♪
38
00:03:24,669 --> 00:03:27,376
♪ Does anybody care ♪
39
00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:30,876
♪ Lord, does anybody care ♪
40
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,829
- Ladies and gentlemen,
41
00:03:34,829 --> 00:03:38,130
the story we're about to
tell you is so disturbing,
42
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:41,626
we have stationed a registered
nurse outside in the lobby.
43
00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:44,045
- She has doctor
prescribed Valium to sedate
44
00:03:44,045 --> 00:03:45,651
the easily terrified!
45
00:03:45,651 --> 00:03:50,336
- She also has Prozac and
ketamine she got off the internet.
46
00:03:50,336 --> 00:03:54,474
- And for the love of God, do
not turn off your cell phones!
47
00:03:54,474 --> 00:03:56,965
- The next few hours
are a part of your life
48
00:03:56,965 --> 00:03:59,784
you're never getting back!
49
00:03:59,784 --> 00:04:02,879
♪ There's no hope in New Jersey ♪
50
00:04:02,879 --> 00:04:05,685
♪ We're hanging by a thread ♪
51
00:04:05,685 --> 00:04:08,692
♪ We're choking in New Jersey ♪
52
00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:12,596
♪ We might as well be dead ♪
53
00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,944
♪ Lord, we need a favor ♪
54
00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:18,022
♪ We need a soggy savior ♪
55
00:04:18,022 --> 00:04:22,965
♪ But who, who, who ♪
56
00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:24,743
♪ Who ♪
57
00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:27,194
♪ I will save New Jersey ♪
58
00:04:27,194 --> 00:04:29,323
♪ I'm Melvin Ferd III ♪
59
00:04:29,323 --> 00:04:30,495
♪ Not him, Lord ♪
60
00:04:30,495 --> 00:04:33,259
♪ I'm here for you, New Jersey ♪
61
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:36,762
♪ On that you have my word ♪
62
00:04:36,762 --> 00:04:39,442
♪ There must be a solution ♪
63
00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:42,444
♪ To end this damn pollution ♪
64
00:04:42,444 --> 00:04:47,444
♪ It's time to start a global revolution ♪
65
00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:51,868
♪ Sister, look at what
has infested our town ♪
66
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:54,931
♪ What is that wretchedness ♪
67
00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:57,721
♪ It's waste, toxic waste ♪
68
00:04:57,721 --> 00:05:00,979
♪ The worst problem we ever faced ♪
69
00:05:00,979 --> 00:05:03,468
♪ It's sick, God, its sick ♪
70
00:05:03,468 --> 00:05:07,196
♪ Look what it did to my measuring stick ♪
71
00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:09,196
- But where did it come from?
72
00:05:09,196 --> 00:05:12,236
- Look there, across the
Hudson River, what do you see?
73
00:05:12,236 --> 00:05:13,196
- Manhattan.
74
00:05:13,196 --> 00:05:15,606
- The beautiful, conceited
people of Manhattan.
75
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,497
Happy to use New Jersey as
their toxic dumping ground!
76
00:05:18,497 --> 00:05:20,216
(energetic music)
77
00:05:20,216 --> 00:05:22,908
♪ Now listen up Manhattan ♪
78
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:25,756
♪ We know you're stinking rich ♪
79
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,782
♪ Your bed sheets may be satin ♪
80
00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:32,276
♪ But Jersey's not your bitch ♪
81
00:05:32,276 --> 00:05:35,828
♪ Jersey's not your bitch ♪
82
00:05:35,828 --> 00:05:36,812
- Bless you son!
83
00:05:36,812 --> 00:05:38,340
(audience chuckling)
84
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,916
- And don't worry, Sister!
85
00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:42,516
I won't let anything stop me!
86
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,156
(bullies laughing)
87
00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:46,503
Oh, no, the town bullies!
88
00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:51,503
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
89
00:05:52,283 --> 00:05:57,200
(hits thudding)
(laughing)
90
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,773
Nuggie!
(grunting)
91
00:06:05,773 --> 00:06:08,607
(audience chuckling)
92
00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:10,043
- [Both] Word!
93
00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:11,758
(bullies laughing
(audience chuckling)
94
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:14,341
(tender music)
95
00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:18,246
♪ God I love New Jersey ♪
96
00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:22,461
♪ It's such a state of mind ♪
97
00:06:22,461 --> 00:06:25,793
♪ Why do I love Jersey ♪
98
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,833
♪ Probably 'cause I'm blind ♪
99
00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:29,862
(audience chuckling)
100
00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:32,094
- Hey, Sarah, it's me Melvin.
101
00:06:32,094 --> 00:06:33,732
Down here!
- Huh?
102
00:06:33,732 --> 00:06:34,956
(grunting)
(audience chuckling)
103
00:06:34,956 --> 00:06:36,632
Oh, hi Melvin.
104
00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:39,364
Hey have you noticed a
new smell in town lately?
105
00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:41,817
- It's giant vats of toxic, nuclear waste!
106
00:06:41,817 --> 00:06:43,452
- Well that makes sense.
107
00:06:43,452 --> 00:06:46,992
Yesterday I turned on my kitchen
faucet and fire came out!
108
00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:47,914
(audience chuckling)
109
00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:49,131
Oh gosh.
110
00:06:49,131 --> 00:06:52,182
♪ Won't someone save New Jersey ♪
111
00:06:52,182 --> 00:06:54,761
♪ That's my greatest wish ♪
112
00:06:54,761 --> 00:06:56,309
- Oh oh oh...
(audience chuckling)
113
00:06:56,309 --> 00:06:59,010
♪ I will save New Jersey ♪
114
00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:01,485
♪ From mutant strains of fish ♪
115
00:07:01,485 --> 00:07:03,748
(lively music)
- What fish?
116
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:06,700
♪ In Tromaville ♪
117
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,738
♪ In Tromaville ♪
118
00:07:09,738 --> 00:07:14,738
♪ If the pollution doesn't
get you, the aroma will ♪
119
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:18,210
- Oh look, the first sun bird of spring!
120
00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,148
(chirping)
121
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,490
(thumping)
(audience laughing)
122
00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:24,402
- So, there you have it.
123
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,340
There will be one brief intermission!
124
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,590
This show is 18 hours long!
125
00:07:31,759 --> 00:07:34,340
♪ Help us win, New Jersey ♪
126
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:37,399
♪ And save us from this goo ♪
127
00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,938
♪ Crap, I just got scurvy ♪
128
00:07:39,938 --> 00:07:43,848
♪ Good God, what can we do ♪
129
00:07:43,848 --> 00:07:46,292
♪ Damn it, we're New Jersey ♪
130
00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:49,508
♪ We're drowning in the muck ♪
131
00:07:49,508 --> 00:07:52,239
♪ Say a prayer for Jersey ♪
132
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:55,308
♪ Or else we're good and fucked ♪
133
00:07:55,308 --> 00:08:00,018
♪ Good God, we're good and fucked ♪
134
00:08:00,018 --> 00:08:02,873
♪ New Jersey ♪
135
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:06,268
♪ New Jersey ♪
136
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:09,522
♪ Who will save ♪
137
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:14,178
♪ Who will save ♪
138
00:08:14,178 --> 00:08:18,527
♪ Jersey, the Garden State ♪
139
00:08:18,527 --> 00:08:21,463
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
140
00:08:21,463 --> 00:08:24,296
(energetic music)
141
00:08:32,319 --> 00:08:34,402
- 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26.
142
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:39,420
(audience snickering)
143
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:56,879
(clicking)
(audience snickering)
144
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,559
(clicking)
145
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:00,791
- Hi Sarah!
146
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,789
Gosh you look awfully pretty today.
147
00:09:02,789 --> 00:09:06,130
- Oh, Melvin you always say
the nicest things to me!
148
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,759
- Well you're like the
greatest person in Tromaville.
149
00:09:08,759 --> 00:09:11,311
You're smart, and nice, and you spend your
150
00:09:11,311 --> 00:09:14,159
whole day helping people
as our town librarian!
151
00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:16,210
And even though you have a handicap,
152
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,330
you don't want any special
treatment from anyone!
153
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:20,709
- Excuse me!
154
00:09:20,709 --> 00:09:21,810
I'm wondering if you can help me.
155
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,199
I'm looking for a book on folk singing.
156
00:09:24,199 --> 00:09:27,829
(audience snickering)
- No, sorry.
157
00:09:27,829 --> 00:09:28,662
I'm blind.
158
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:30,826
Okay bye.
159
00:09:30,826 --> 00:09:34,409
Melvin, Melvin I have
a confession to make.
160
00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:38,010
I don't want to spend the rest of my days
161
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,380
helping people in this library!
162
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,770
What I really want to do is write a book,
163
00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,919
a meaningful and important
book that you can
164
00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:47,239
download on your iPhone!
165
00:09:47,239 --> 00:09:48,389
Hey have you figured out how you're gonna
166
00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:49,669
save New Jersey yet?
167
00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:50,876
(audience chuckling)
- Well, I had this
168
00:09:50,876 --> 00:09:52,349
cockamamy idea!
- Uh-hmm.
169
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:54,547
- See, I've been examining all those vats,
170
00:09:54,547 --> 00:09:56,680
and there's the name of a
corporation written on them.
171
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,106
And guess what it is?
172
00:09:58,106 --> 00:09:59,977
The Good Earth.
173
00:09:59,977 --> 00:10:02,310
- Oh no, not the Good Earth!
174
00:10:03,417 --> 00:10:05,537
- Yes, they're assaulting our planet and
175
00:10:05,537 --> 00:10:08,129
defaming a classic American
Oprah-endorsed novel
176
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,068
all at the same time.
177
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,489
- Oprah.
(audience snickering)
178
00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,583
- If only I could get
to the bottom of it all!
179
00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:17,580
If only I could locate
the official town records!
180
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:20,289
- Melvin, the official
town records are here,
181
00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:22,078
in the town library!
182
00:10:22,078 --> 00:10:24,066
Oh but I promised the mayor that I
183
00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:25,998
wouldn't show 'em to anyone.
184
00:10:25,998 --> 00:10:27,958
- Oh, I understand.
185
00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:31,620
- But, you're not just anyone are you?
186
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:32,870
- I'm not?
- No!
187
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:38,146
You are the sweetest
kindest man I ever met.
188
00:10:38,146 --> 00:10:38,998
- Shut up!
189
00:10:38,998 --> 00:10:40,744
(audience chuckling)
Really?
190
00:10:40,744 --> 00:10:42,964
- And Melvin, the records
are in a box in the back,
191
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:45,071
and I didn't want anyone
to ever look inside
192
00:10:45,071 --> 00:10:47,985
so I labeled them
important policy speeches
193
00:10:47,985 --> 00:10:52,402
of Ivanka Trump!
(audience chuckling)
194
00:10:54,532 --> 00:10:57,516
- Sarah, I could just kiss you!
195
00:10:57,516 --> 00:10:58,740
Please?
- Uh...
196
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,649
(audience chuckling)
Hey you know what I
197
00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:01,636
just realized?
198
00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,191
We've known each other a few months now,
199
00:11:03,191 --> 00:11:06,202
and I don't even know what
you look like (chuckles).
200
00:11:06,202 --> 00:11:09,105
Could I um, well could I feel your face?
201
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,238
- Oh, gee, I don't think
that's such a good idea!
202
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,465
- Melvin, don't tell me you
suffer from low self esteem?
203
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,073
- No I'm just unattractive.
204
00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:17,723
(audience chuckling)
- Now silly everyone
205
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,443
is beautiful in their own way!
206
00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:20,553
- But I'm not.
- But you are!
207
00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:21,585
- But I'm not.
- But you are!
208
00:11:21,585 --> 00:11:22,603
- But I'm not.
- But you are!
209
00:11:22,603 --> 00:11:24,054
- But I'm not--
210
00:11:24,054 --> 00:11:25,894
(audience chuckling)
211
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,727
- Let's have a look...
212
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,763
That is so greasy...
213
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,763
(audience laughing)
214
00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:47,298
Well, maybe you have a beautiful soul.
215
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,403
(audience chuckling)
216
00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,771
- Uh, I should go and get the records.
217
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,521
(dramatic music)
218
00:11:57,363 --> 00:11:58,427
- Hey!
- Oh!
219
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:01,190
- We need a book!
- Any book!
220
00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:02,773
- Sorry, I'm blind!
221
00:12:04,477 --> 00:12:06,419
Okay bye!
- Hey!
222
00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:08,797
You don't know who
you're talking to do 'ya?
223
00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:11,277
- He's Sluggo, I'm Bozo!
224
00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:14,112
- And we're the stars of
Tromaville High football team!
225
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,819
- For the last seven years!
226
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,019
(grunting)
227
00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:20,974
- And coach says we gotta read a book now!
228
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,048
- Coach says our teachers are getting mad
229
00:12:23,048 --> 00:12:24,779
'cause we're elastic!
230
00:12:24,779 --> 00:12:26,657
- Illiterate!
231
00:12:26,657 --> 00:12:28,659
- Yeah!
- And you know what,
232
00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:31,086
you're sort of pretty for a book lady!
233
00:12:31,086 --> 00:12:33,728
(laughing)
- Oh yeah!
234
00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:35,906
(barking)
- If you don't-don't, stop it!
235
00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,703
You get out of--
- Sarah I found it!
236
00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:40,115
Hey you get away from her or else!
237
00:12:40,115 --> 00:12:42,195
- Or else (gibbers) what?
238
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,797
(audience chuckling)
- Or, or else,
239
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,093
maybe I'll hit you or something, maybe.
240
00:12:47,093 --> 00:12:50,263
- Melvin, violence is always wrong,
241
00:12:50,263 --> 00:12:52,475
even though it's often entertaining.
242
00:12:52,475 --> 00:12:54,164
- Oh yeah (giggles)?
- Hey!
243
00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,710
- Hey you leave her alone!
244
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:59,043
- And what's she to you, butt-face?
245
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:00,462
- Well, nothing.
- Huh?
246
00:13:00,462 --> 00:13:01,521
- She's nothing.
- Huh?
247
00:13:01,521 --> 00:13:02,604
- She's nothing.
- Huh?
248
00:13:02,604 --> 00:13:06,974
- Dammit I love her!
(audience chuckling)
249
00:13:06,974 --> 00:13:10,361
- I'm (mumbles), you, what...
250
00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:13,163
(laughing)
251
00:13:13,163 --> 00:13:16,003
- Come on, let's get out of here!
252
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,501
- Yep!
253
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:18,970
Love makes me nervous.
254
00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:22,747
(audience chuckling)
255
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:24,390
- Oh Sarah, I didn't mean that!
256
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,315
- Uh, no, that's okay Melvin.
257
00:13:26,315 --> 00:13:28,051
- You mean you feel the same about me?
258
00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:30,822
- Oh no, I'm just uh,
I'm just pretending like
259
00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,929
I didn't hear it...
(audience chuckling)
260
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:35,846
So what did you find in the the t--
261
00:13:37,502 --> 00:13:39,710
Wha...
(audience snickering)
262
00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,778
What uh, what did you
find in the (mumbles)...
263
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,920
So what did you find in the town files?
264
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,080
- Information so
disturbing, it could topple
265
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,320
the powers that run our tiny metropolis.
266
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,702
- What, do you mean the mayor?
267
00:13:51,702 --> 00:13:54,550
Oh Melvin are you saying
you're gonna fight the mayor?
268
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:55,441
- Me?
269
00:13:55,441 --> 00:13:56,626
Oh don't be ridiculous!
270
00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,302
- Now don't tell me you're scared!
271
00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:00,491
- Oh, in fact I'm
intimidated by any person
272
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:01,994
in any position of authority!
273
00:14:01,994 --> 00:14:04,600
- So you're just going to
let the Good Earth turn
274
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,896
Tromaville into a, a cesspool
of pollution and disease?
275
00:14:07,896 --> 00:14:09,581
- I hate any form of conflict!
276
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:11,360
(smacking)
Oh!
277
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,277
- Well then, someone has
a dilemma, don't they?
278
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:20,165
One, two, three, four, five, six--
279
00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:22,798
- Sarah did you really think I--
280
00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:24,902
Do you really think I could--
- Melvin,
281
00:14:24,902 --> 00:14:29,307
may I touch your body's
most exciting organ?
282
00:14:29,307 --> 00:14:30,140
- What...
283
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:34,263
(tender music)
284
00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,568
- Hmm, I was right.
285
00:14:36,568 --> 00:14:38,985
You do have a beautiful soul.
286
00:14:41,324 --> 00:14:44,032
(mumbles), oh seven, seven, eight...
287
00:14:44,032 --> 00:14:48,907
♪ I will save you Sarah ♪
288
00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:53,907
♪ I'll clean the air for you ♪
289
00:14:55,077 --> 00:15:00,077
♪ And if I save you Sarah ♪
290
00:15:00,178 --> 00:15:03,928
♪ Perhaps you'll love me too ♪
291
00:15:07,549 --> 00:15:12,549
(sympathetic music)
(audience applauding)
292
00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:23,418
♪ I'm the mayor of this crappy town ♪
293
00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:28,418
♪ So let me tell you
how it's gonna go down ♪
294
00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:33,203
♪ Now I'm gonna star your toxic trash ♪
295
00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:37,378
♪ And you will pay me boatloads of cash ♪
296
00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:40,557
♪ Cash, cash ♪
297
00:15:40,557 --> 00:15:43,381
♪ I'm just a Jersey girl ♪
298
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:46,184
♪ I'm gonna rule the world ♪
299
00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:49,075
♪ I was born to run this state ♪
300
00:15:49,075 --> 00:15:50,998
♪ She was born, she was born to run ♪
301
00:15:50,998 --> 00:15:53,997
♪ She's got a lot of love in her ♪
302
00:15:53,997 --> 00:15:56,045
♪ So I'm gonna be the governor ♪
303
00:15:56,045 --> 00:15:59,128
♪ The on the take candidate ♪
304
00:15:59,128 --> 00:16:01,088
♪ On the take, she's on the take ♪
305
00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:06,088
♪ She's gonna be the next governor ♪
306
00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:13,313
♪ To run this state you
must shake it down ♪
307
00:16:13,313 --> 00:16:14,565
♪ Tell us more ♪
308
00:16:14,565 --> 00:16:18,437
♪ You lie or cheat or you sleep around ♪
309
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,917
♪ She's a whore ♪
310
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:24,546
♪ I do things the Jersey way ♪
311
00:16:24,546 --> 00:16:29,325
♪ And there's only one thing to say ♪
312
00:16:29,325 --> 00:16:32,076
♪ I'm just a Jersey gal ♪
313
00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,765
♪ A feisty femme fatale ♪
314
00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:37,672
♪ I'll be living on a prayer ♪
315
00:16:37,672 --> 00:16:39,566
♪ She'll be living, living on a prayer ♪
316
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,029
♪ So watch me as I campaign ♪
317
00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:44,642
♪ Through snow and sleet and acid rain ♪
318
00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:47,746
♪ Can you feel the love
in the Jersey air ♪
319
00:16:47,746 --> 00:16:49,648
♪ Feel the love, feel
the love in the air ♪
320
00:16:49,648 --> 00:16:52,181
♪ She's just a Jersey dame ♪
321
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:53,508
(mumbling)
♪ Everybody's ♪
322
00:16:53,508 --> 00:16:55,356
♪ High school flame ♪
- Haven't I seen you somewhere
323
00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:56,768
around my campaign
♪ She was born to run ♪
324
00:16:56,768 --> 00:16:57,916
- trail?
♪ this state ♪
325
00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,797
♪ I was born, I was born to run ♪
326
00:16:59,797 --> 00:17:02,316
♪ She's got a lot of love in her ♪
327
00:17:02,316 --> 00:17:04,717
♪ There's an angel from above in her ♪
328
00:17:04,717 --> 00:17:09,717
♪ Cause someday, I'm
gonna be the governor ♪
329
00:17:09,836 --> 00:17:12,717
♪ You know what to do boys ♪
330
00:17:12,717 --> 00:17:13,550
You!
331
00:17:18,597 --> 00:17:20,430
♪ Ooh ♪
332
00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:27,066
♪ I'm gonna be ♪
♪ She's gonna be ♪
333
00:17:27,066 --> 00:17:31,678
♪ A gorgeous, governor ♪
334
00:17:31,678 --> 00:17:34,162
♪ Oh oh ♪
335
00:17:34,162 --> 00:17:39,162
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
336
00:17:40,431 --> 00:17:42,681
♪ Governor ♪
337
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,278
(audience applauding)
338
00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:56,871
- Excuse me.
339
00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:58,860
(audience snickering)
340
00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,860
- Okay boys.
341
00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:03,636
See you next week.
342
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:10,828
Who are you and how the
hell did you get in here?
343
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,194
- Your secretary wasn't there.
344
00:18:12,194 --> 00:18:15,370
- Dammit, never hire your mother.
345
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:17,605
- Madam Mayor, I am Melvin Ferd III,
346
00:18:17,605 --> 00:18:20,023
an aspiring Earth Scientist
and you must listen to me!
347
00:18:20,023 --> 00:18:21,916
- Oh!
- I know who owns the evil
348
00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:24,450
Good Earth Corporation that's
been polluting our town!
349
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,276
- What, who?
350
00:18:26,276 --> 00:18:27,519
- You!
- What?
351
00:18:27,519 --> 00:18:28,820
- You own the Good Earth Corporation.
352
00:18:28,820 --> 00:18:30,032
- I deny it.
353
00:18:30,032 --> 00:18:31,028
- Oh yeah?
354
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,827
In my hand I have the
official town records!
355
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:36,180
- What, but, I hid those records
356
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:39,701
in the town library, and
I hired a blind librarian.
357
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,468
(audience chuckling)
358
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,178
- Madam Mayor, change your evil ways,
359
00:18:44,178 --> 00:18:46,439
or I'll be forced to take these records
360
00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:47,810
to the District Attorney!
361
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,336
(thumping)
Oh!
362
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,828
- You wouldn't!
363
00:18:50,828 --> 00:18:52,930
- Yesterday I wouldn't, but now,
364
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,468
the love of a woman has
taught me to fight the power!
365
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,377
- Fuck!
366
00:18:57,377 --> 00:18:59,538
(audience chuckling)
All right, all right.
367
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,679
Let me think, think think...
368
00:19:01,679 --> 00:19:03,346
All right, I got it.
369
00:19:04,479 --> 00:19:06,577
(sultry music)
370
00:19:06,577 --> 00:19:09,136
Melvin, there's really no need for you
371
00:19:09,136 --> 00:19:11,799
to go do the DA handsome.
372
00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:14,382
- There's not?
- Nooo, 'cause...
373
00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:20,618
♪ You're just a Jersey boy ♪
374
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:24,079
♪ Who I want to ♪
375
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,862
(gagging)
(audience snickering)
376
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:28,148
♪ Employ ♪
377
00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:28,981
- Employ?
378
00:19:28,981 --> 00:19:33,079
♪ I'll make you my deputy ♪
379
00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:34,988
♪ Deputy gonna be my deputy ♪
380
00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:36,321
- Oh wow really?
381
00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,308
♪ How 'bout a badge for my chest ♪
382
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,453
- Sure!
383
00:19:40,453 --> 00:19:42,788
♪ Boy Sarah's gonna be impressed ♪
384
00:19:42,788 --> 00:19:44,245
♪ Who is Sarah ♪
- She's the blind libr--
385
00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:47,198
♪ Wait, I don't care ♪
386
00:19:47,198 --> 00:19:51,932
♪ I don't care I don't care I don't care ♪
387
00:19:51,932 --> 00:19:54,529
♪ Come back to tomorrow pop ♪
388
00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,068
♪ Now let's get all this cleaning up ♪
389
00:19:57,068 --> 00:20:02,068
♪ (mumbles) from this toxic nightmare ♪
390
00:20:02,317 --> 00:20:04,150
♪ Gee I'm gonna be a ♪
391
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:08,150
♪ Deputy ♪
- Oh my god, thank you!
392
00:20:11,641 --> 00:20:14,254
(tense music)
393
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,587
Sluggo!
- Yeah, Auntie Mayor?
394
00:20:17,635 --> 00:20:19,843
- His name is Melvin
(dramatic music)
395
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,632
Ferd
(dramatic music)
396
00:20:21,632 --> 00:20:23,992
the third.
(dramatic music)
397
00:20:23,992 --> 00:20:25,550
♪ Spill his blood ♪
398
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,931
♪ Spill his guts ♪
399
00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:28,992
♪ He found me out, that little putz ♪
400
00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:31,672
♪ It's time for you to
pray upon the weak ♪
401
00:20:31,672 --> 00:20:32,905
♪ Make him scream ♪
402
00:20:32,905 --> 00:20:34,620
(grunting)
♪ Make him beg ♪
403
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,554
♪ Well, good luck, break a leg ♪
404
00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:38,786
♪ Get juiced and drug induced ♪
405
00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:41,210
♪ And get the geek ♪
(laughing)
406
00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:46,210
♪ Get the, get the geek ♪
407
00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:52,216
♪ Get the, get the geek ♪
408
00:20:53,805 --> 00:20:56,765
♪ All the scumbags I will nab ♪
409
00:20:56,765 --> 00:20:59,776
♪ With my badass deputy badge ♪
410
00:20:59,776 --> 00:21:04,567
♪ Melvin Ferd is on a winning streak ♪
411
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:05,954
- What?
412
00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:08,816
♪ There's a hero coming your way ♪
413
00:21:08,816 --> 00:21:11,946
♪ I'll get the girl and save the day ♪
414
00:21:11,946 --> 00:21:16,946
♪ And I won't be some circus freak ♪
415
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,274
♪ Get the geek, get the geek ♪
416
00:21:21,274 --> 00:21:26,274
♪ Not (mumbles) ♪
417
00:21:28,714 --> 00:21:31,789
♪ Hello, hello geek ♪
418
00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:34,742
- Uh-oh!
(laughing)
419
00:21:34,742 --> 00:21:36,994
♪ Goodbye ♪
420
00:21:36,994 --> 00:21:38,491
♪ Goodbye geek ♪
421
00:21:38,491 --> 00:21:41,171
- Listen fellas, I'm on a vital
mission to save Tromaville!
422
00:21:41,171 --> 00:21:46,171
♪ Get the, get the geek ♪
423
00:21:47,435 --> 00:21:50,406
♪ Get ♪
424
00:21:50,406 --> 00:21:53,577
♪ The ♪
425
00:21:53,577 --> 00:21:55,494
♪ Geek ♪
426
00:21:59,561 --> 00:22:00,950
(clanging)
427
00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,658
- [Melvin] Hey, hey fellas,
this stuff could kill me!
428
00:22:03,658 --> 00:22:04,955
(laughing)
429
00:22:04,955 --> 00:22:06,355
- We ain't gonna kill 'ya!
430
00:22:06,355 --> 00:22:09,197
- No, we're just gonna
dip in your nosey nose.
431
00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,898
(chuckling)
- What have I done?
432
00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:12,728
- You've been boffing the mayor!
433
00:22:12,728 --> 00:22:14,707
- [Melvin] Oh, I won't
bop her again, I promise!
434
00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:16,877
Please, please, just don't drop me!
435
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,805
- All right, the
butt-face got the message.
436
00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:21,147
- Should we let him go.
437
00:22:21,147 --> 00:22:23,965
- Yeah, let him go (chuckles).
438
00:22:23,965 --> 00:22:28,447
(Melvin screaming)
(squishing)
439
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,493
(audience snickering)
440
00:22:30,493 --> 00:22:33,826
By let him go, I meant, let him go free!
441
00:22:37,237 --> 00:22:39,965
- Oh...
(audience chuckling)
442
00:22:39,965 --> 00:22:42,397
I hate it when phrases have two meanings!
443
00:22:42,397 --> 00:22:45,925
(audience chuckling)
444
00:22:45,925 --> 00:22:48,614
- You think he's all right?
445
00:22:48,614 --> 00:22:50,237
- Butt-face?
446
00:22:50,237 --> 00:22:52,386
Hey butt-face!
- Come on,
447
00:22:52,386 --> 00:22:54,160
let's get out of here.
448
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,239
(Sarah humming)
449
00:22:55,239 --> 00:23:00,096
♪ New Jersey, such a state of mind ♪
450
00:23:00,096 --> 00:23:01,529
- Wait a minute!
451
00:23:01,529 --> 00:23:03,532
Lookee here!
♪ Why do I ♪
452
00:23:03,532 --> 00:23:06,128
- Hey hey hey!
- Who's there?
453
00:23:06,128 --> 00:23:07,387
The two illiterates?
454
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,220
- That be right!
455
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,737
And we just took care of your boyfriend!
456
00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:12,648
- Who?
- The stupid guy.
457
00:23:12,648 --> 00:23:14,909
- Who?
- That ugly guy.
458
00:23:14,909 --> 00:23:17,177
- Oh, Melvin...
(audience snickering)
459
00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:19,222
No no no you see I'm totally
focused on thinking of
460
00:23:19,222 --> 00:23:23,019
a brand new book idea, and then,
I'm gonna send it to Oprah,
461
00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:25,688
because if you want to get
anywhere in the book industry
462
00:23:25,688 --> 00:23:28,075
you have got to go through Oprah!
463
00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,027
- Hey!
- So I just uh--
464
00:23:29,027 --> 00:23:31,118
(sinister music)
- Listen blindy,
465
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,427
we taking you on a little date.
466
00:23:33,427 --> 00:23:36,262
- Oh, sorry, I don't date cretins.
467
00:23:36,262 --> 00:23:37,763
(audience snickering)
- Nah, we're talking
468
00:23:37,763 --> 00:23:41,072
'bout a date right here, right now!
469
00:23:41,072 --> 00:23:43,145
- Hey, I need that!
470
00:23:43,145 --> 00:23:47,004
(aggressive music)
♪ Get the, get the chick ♪
471
00:23:47,004 --> 00:23:48,123
(laughing)
- Help, help!
472
00:23:48,123 --> 00:23:49,734
Help, the illiterates have me!
473
00:23:49,734 --> 00:23:53,335
♪ Get the, get the chick ♪
(Sarah whimpering)
474
00:23:53,335 --> 00:23:57,752
- No, no please!
♪ Get the, get the-- ♪
475
00:23:58,850 --> 00:24:02,265
(thunderous roaring)
476
00:24:02,265 --> 00:24:03,945
- What the hell was that?
(audience laughing)
477
00:24:03,945 --> 00:24:06,155
- I-I-I don't really know!
478
00:24:06,155 --> 00:24:08,025
(thunderous roaring)
479
00:24:08,025 --> 00:24:10,775
(dramatic music)
480
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,191
(audience applauding)
481
00:24:25,191 --> 00:24:27,241
- Son of a bitch that hurt!
482
00:24:27,241 --> 00:24:29,184
(perky resolute music)
483
00:24:29,184 --> 00:24:31,082
- Who the hell are you?
484
00:24:31,082 --> 00:24:31,999
- Who am I?
485
00:24:32,942 --> 00:24:35,182
♪ All my life I've been a pacifist ♪
486
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,592
♪ But right now, you
really got me pissed ♪
487
00:24:37,592 --> 00:24:42,352
♪ That stuff didn't kill
me, I don't know why ♪
488
00:24:42,352 --> 00:24:44,744
♪ There's a new Melvin in town ♪
489
00:24:44,744 --> 00:24:47,082
♪ And he's about to get on down ♪
490
00:24:47,082 --> 00:24:51,983
♪ It's gonna hurt like
hell, and you're gonna die ♪
491
00:24:51,983 --> 00:24:53,780
♪ Maybe you better scram ♪
492
00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:58,399
♪ Or I'll cut you up like a holiday ham ♪
493
00:24:58,399 --> 00:25:00,853
♪ I'm gonna kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick your ass ♪
494
00:25:00,853 --> 00:25:03,104
♪ I'm gonna kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick your ass ♪
495
00:25:03,104 --> 00:25:06,214
♪ I'm gonna kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick your ass ♪
496
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:10,157
♪ It's gonna be a blast to kick ♪
497
00:25:10,157 --> 00:25:11,688
♪ your ass ♪
(grunting)
498
00:25:11,688 --> 00:25:14,726
♪ Oh snap, let's go
medieval on this freak ♪
499
00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:15,583
(screaming martial arts cry)
500
00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:16,715
(clunking)
♪ So you're here to try to ♪
501
00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:18,267
♪ Do me some harm ♪
502
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:20,670
♪ While you try I'll just
to rip off your arm ♪
503
00:25:20,670 --> 00:25:25,529
♪ It's nothing personal,
I hope you understand ♪
504
00:25:25,529 --> 00:25:27,878
♪ Now, I don't mean to be mean ♪
505
00:25:27,878 --> 00:25:29,088
♪ But I'm about to remove ♪
506
00:25:29,088 --> 00:25:30,317
(screaming)
♪ your spleen ♪
507
00:25:30,317 --> 00:25:35,093
♪ You got a problem with
that, then talk to the hand ♪
508
00:25:35,093 --> 00:25:36,904
♪ You better pray to Billy Graham ♪
509
00:25:36,904 --> 00:25:41,321
♪ 'Cause I'm gonna show you who I am ♪
510
00:25:48,656 --> 00:25:51,739
(audience chuckling)
511
00:25:53,439 --> 00:25:56,431
Oh it's your fucking arm man!
512
00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:57,848
- Help me please!
513
00:26:01,906 --> 00:26:05,696
Help me off the stage, pull me, pull!
514
00:26:05,696 --> 00:26:06,613
Pull, pull!
515
00:26:12,056 --> 00:26:14,410
♪ So I kick, kick, kick,
kick, kicked your ass ♪
516
00:26:14,410 --> 00:26:17,202
(grunting)
517
00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:22,021
♪ Rip, rip, rip, ripped off your arm ♪
518
00:26:22,021 --> 00:26:23,011
♪ Had, had, had ♪
519
00:26:23,011 --> 00:26:27,091
♪ Had me a blast ♪
(screaming)
520
00:26:27,091 --> 00:26:32,029
♪ Oh man, oh man, hot damn ♪
521
00:26:32,029 --> 00:26:37,029
♪ That was a monster jam ♪
522
00:26:37,139 --> 00:26:40,306
♪ And that's who I am ♪
523
00:26:41,478 --> 00:26:42,477
(clanking)
524
00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:46,159
(screaming)
(groaning)
525
00:26:46,159 --> 00:26:47,829
(audience applauding)
526
00:26:47,829 --> 00:26:50,229
(audience chuckling)
527
00:26:50,229 --> 00:26:55,229
♪ And I kicked your ♪
528
00:26:58,781 --> 00:27:00,614
♪ Ass ♪
529
00:27:06,589 --> 00:27:11,589
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
530
00:27:15,826 --> 00:27:16,743
Sarah, hey,
531
00:27:18,266 --> 00:27:20,126
Sarah, are you all right?
532
00:27:20,126 --> 00:27:22,011
- (whimpers) Now who are you and how
533
00:27:22,011 --> 00:27:23,687
do you know my name?
534
00:27:23,687 --> 00:27:25,886
- Why it's me, Melvin!
535
00:27:25,886 --> 00:27:27,406
(screaming)
536
00:27:27,406 --> 00:27:29,231
Oh, what is going on?
537
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:30,648
Oh god, oh god...
538
00:27:32,294 --> 00:27:34,627
(screaming)
539
00:27:38,625 --> 00:27:39,894
All right!
540
00:27:39,894 --> 00:27:41,362
(audience snickering)
541
00:27:41,362 --> 00:27:43,268
- What is happening?
542
00:27:43,268 --> 00:27:44,773
- Don't worry, those bullies will
543
00:27:44,773 --> 00:27:46,381
never bother you again!
544
00:27:46,381 --> 00:27:49,551
- What happened, you
didn't hurt them did you?
545
00:27:49,551 --> 00:27:53,002
(tense music)
- No...
546
00:27:53,002 --> 00:27:55,752
(poignant music)
547
00:27:58,839 --> 00:28:01,589
(Melvin roaring)
548
00:28:11,053 --> 00:28:12,543
(energetic music)
549
00:28:12,543 --> 00:28:14,559
- Hoo!
(audience snickering)
550
00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:15,392
Wassa!
551
00:28:16,441 --> 00:28:18,780
Good god in high heaven!
552
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:21,551
What kind of monster has done this!
553
00:28:21,551 --> 00:28:23,929
(hissing)
- This is Sal the cop,
554
00:28:23,929 --> 00:28:28,852
Tromaville CSI, we got a DOA,
I'm gonna need a ETD ASAP,
555
00:28:28,852 --> 00:28:30,352
so order me a BLT!
556
00:28:31,321 --> 00:28:34,151
We got us a nasty situation
557
00:28:34,151 --> 00:28:37,259
♪ In Tromaville ♪
558
00:28:37,259 --> 00:28:40,321
♪ In Tromaville ♪
559
00:28:40,321 --> 00:28:45,321
♪ If the pollution doesn't
get 'ya, the aroma will ♪
560
00:28:46,899 --> 00:28:49,204
♪ Something bad's going down ♪
561
00:28:49,204 --> 00:28:50,350
(hissing)
562
00:28:50,350 --> 00:28:52,481
(audience chuckling)
Okay, come on,
563
00:28:52,481 --> 00:28:53,714
we gotta get this mess cleaned up!
564
00:28:53,714 --> 00:28:55,761
- Okay!
- Wait a minute!
565
00:28:55,761 --> 00:28:57,393
- [FBI] What?
566
00:28:57,393 --> 00:29:01,060
- Take a picture.
(laughing)
567
00:29:03,003 --> 00:29:04,538
- Got it!
- I got another one, here!
568
00:29:04,538 --> 00:29:08,131
Look, oh god he's got me, oh god (groans)!
569
00:29:08,131 --> 00:29:10,395
- Oh, oh, I got one!
- Okay hurry, quick!
570
00:29:10,395 --> 00:29:13,723
(chuckling)
Quick, go go go.
571
00:29:13,723 --> 00:29:15,312
(grunting)
Oh that is good,
572
00:29:15,312 --> 00:29:16,644
that is good!
(audience snickering)
573
00:29:16,644 --> 00:29:18,438
Got it!
- Nice!
574
00:29:18,438 --> 00:29:21,021
(tender music)
575
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:37,355
(Sarah snoring)
- Sarah, Sarah!
576
00:29:39,487 --> 00:29:40,987
Are you all right?
577
00:29:42,644 --> 00:29:44,667
Hello?
(Sarah snoring)
578
00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:47,417
(Melvin roaring)
579
00:29:50,369 --> 00:29:52,147
- Where am I?
580
00:29:52,147 --> 00:29:53,569
- You're at home!
581
00:29:53,569 --> 00:29:58,366
- Oh, (mumbles), what
is that pungent smell?
582
00:29:58,366 --> 00:30:00,299
- I just came from the gym.
583
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:02,689
(audience snickering)
- And remind me,
584
00:30:02,689 --> 00:30:04,886
who you are again?
585
00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:07,649
- No one, just a concerned citizen.
586
00:30:07,649 --> 00:30:10,429
- Oh no wait, you're the man who saved me!
587
00:30:10,429 --> 00:30:12,959
You're my uh, my hero!
588
00:30:12,959 --> 00:30:16,321
(Melvin roaring)
589
00:30:16,321 --> 00:30:17,339
Why did you make that
590
00:30:17,339 --> 00:30:19,193
large sound?
(audience chuckling)
591
00:30:19,193 --> 00:30:20,853
- I'm not really sure.
592
00:30:20,853 --> 00:30:22,123
I guess that's the noise I make when
593
00:30:22,123 --> 00:30:23,814
I'm happy now!
594
00:30:23,814 --> 00:30:26,382
Anyhoo, anyhoo, you're
safe, I should leave
595
00:30:26,382 --> 00:30:28,054
it's been a really weird evening.
596
00:30:28,054 --> 00:30:31,491
- What, no no you haven't
told me anything about you!
597
00:30:31,491 --> 00:30:34,824
- Oh, I'm just, really, really, average.
598
00:30:37,152 --> 00:30:40,150
- You are something else besides that!
599
00:30:40,150 --> 00:30:41,135
- I am?
600
00:30:41,135 --> 00:30:44,164
- Well, you're my hero!
- Oh...
601
00:30:44,164 --> 00:30:46,982
- May I ask a favor, average, hero?
602
00:30:46,982 --> 00:30:49,114
- Oh anything, anything at all.
603
00:30:49,114 --> 00:30:51,846
- May I uh, may I feel your face?
604
00:30:51,846 --> 00:30:53,065
- Oh anything but that!
605
00:30:53,065 --> 00:30:54,054
- But Melvin...
606
00:30:54,054 --> 00:30:55,105
- What?
- You remind me of
607
00:30:55,105 --> 00:30:56,934
my friend Melvin, he too suffers from
608
00:30:56,934 --> 00:30:58,249
tragic low self esteem.
609
00:30:58,249 --> 00:31:00,025
- No no no I have acne.
610
00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:02,075
- Oh it's okay to have acne on your face,
611
00:31:02,075 --> 00:31:04,966
it's the people who have
acne in their souls,
612
00:31:04,966 --> 00:31:06,660
who, (grunts) are unattractive!
613
00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:08,974
- Oh, you're so, you're so noble!
614
00:31:08,974 --> 00:31:09,994
You're like Mother Theresa if only
615
00:31:09,994 --> 00:31:11,911
she were blind and hot!
616
00:31:13,054 --> 00:31:16,705
- You know, I get that a lot.
(audience snickering)
617
00:31:16,705 --> 00:31:19,204
- If you like, you can touch my chest.
618
00:31:19,204 --> 00:31:22,621
- Well (sighs), I, um...
619
00:31:26,233 --> 00:31:29,571
(audience snickering)
620
00:31:29,571 --> 00:31:31,654
Um, oh well, hello daddy.
621
00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:35,665
(audience chuckling)
622
00:31:35,665 --> 00:31:36,809
- Anyway, I should get going,
623
00:31:36,809 --> 00:31:38,100
if I'm home late my mother worries.
624
00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:40,583
- Oh a big strapping man like you lives at
625
00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:42,065
home with his mother?
626
00:31:42,065 --> 00:31:44,534
Are you as wonderful as you seem?
627
00:31:44,534 --> 00:31:46,603
(audience chuckling)
628
00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,038
- Sarah there's something
I've got to tell you!
629
00:31:48,038 --> 00:31:49,288
- Yeah?
- I'm...
630
00:31:51,353 --> 00:31:54,936
Toxic.
(audience chuckling)
631
00:31:56,703 --> 00:31:57,536
- Toxic?
632
00:31:59,425 --> 00:32:00,258
- Yes!
633
00:32:01,625 --> 00:32:06,042
- Uh, well now, that is a
funny name, is that French?
634
00:32:09,669 --> 00:32:12,097
- Oui.
(audience chuckling)
635
00:32:12,097 --> 00:32:13,180
- Toxic, wow.
636
00:32:14,164 --> 00:32:16,100
No wonder you were embarrassed to tell me.
637
00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:18,937
Would you mind if I called you, Toxie?
638
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:22,567
(Toxie roaring)
Toxie are you free for
639
00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,576
brunch tomorrow, I'll make croissants,
640
00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:26,055
that is French for bagels.
641
00:32:26,055 --> 00:32:28,102
(audience chuckling)
(Toxie roaring)
642
00:32:28,102 --> 00:32:30,425
And Toxie, I think it's wonderful that you
643
00:32:30,425 --> 00:32:31,675
didn't hurt those two boys,
644
00:32:31,675 --> 00:32:34,842
I find resistance to violence so sexy!
645
00:32:36,596 --> 00:32:38,522
(tender music)
646
00:32:38,522 --> 00:32:41,189
- Then I will never hurt a soul.
647
00:32:42,434 --> 00:32:43,267
- Really?
648
00:32:44,436 --> 00:32:47,769
No man has ever promised me that before.
649
00:32:51,735 --> 00:32:53,902
♪ Promise ♪
650
00:32:54,895 --> 00:32:55,728
No...
651
00:32:56,705 --> 00:32:59,216
♪ I promise ♪
652
00:32:59,216 --> 00:33:02,133
- Oh...
♪ I promise ♪
653
00:33:04,596 --> 00:33:06,596
♪ Sarah ♪
654
00:33:09,522 --> 00:33:12,439
(mysterious music)
655
00:33:14,857 --> 00:33:18,024
(audience snickering)
656
00:33:23,216 --> 00:33:24,299
- Oh, my god!
657
00:33:26,567 --> 00:33:30,980
(giggles) Oh my god oh my god!
658
00:33:30,980 --> 00:33:33,148
Is this all a dream?
659
00:33:33,148 --> 00:33:34,981
A delusion, a fantasy?
660
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,465
I, I don't know (grunts).
661
00:33:40,465 --> 00:33:41,548
No.
662
00:33:41,548 --> 00:33:43,109
(pleasant music)
663
00:33:43,109 --> 00:33:47,567
♪ Today I met him ♪
664
00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:50,697
♪ Can you hear the chimes ♪
665
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:54,548
(chimes ringing)
(audience chuckling)
666
00:33:54,548 --> 00:33:57,028
♪ And he comes from the country that ♪
667
00:33:57,028 --> 00:34:00,778
♪ Invented eclairs and mimes ♪
668
00:34:04,855 --> 00:34:07,495
(slobbering)
(perky music)
669
00:34:07,495 --> 00:34:11,216
♪ He's strong and sweet
and lives with his mother ♪
670
00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:15,076
♪ He saved my life so there is no other ♪
671
00:34:15,076 --> 00:34:19,028
♪ He's such a man and man is he macho ♪
672
00:34:19,028 --> 00:34:22,617
♪ He's spicy cool like
a bowl of gaspacho ♪
673
00:34:22,617 --> 00:34:27,617
♪ Someday he's gonna be my
big, my big French boyfriend ♪
674
00:34:28,114 --> 00:34:32,268
I have to call my best
friends in the whole world!
675
00:34:32,268 --> 00:34:36,100
♪ Hey Shiniqua I met his fly man ♪
676
00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:39,786
♪ Shut up girlfriend gots to call Dianne ♪
677
00:34:39,786 --> 00:34:43,624
♪ Oh my god now he sounds so foxy ♪
678
00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:47,266
♪ Whats his name ♪
♪ Well I call him Toxie ♪
679
00:34:47,266 --> 00:34:52,266
♪ And Toxie's gonna be my
big, my big French boyfriend ♪
680
00:34:52,355 --> 00:34:55,968
♪ Her big French boyfriend ♪
♪ My big French boyfriend ♪
681
00:34:55,968 --> 00:34:58,967
♪ Her BF BF ♪
682
00:34:58,967 --> 00:35:00,698
♪ He kinda smells ♪
683
00:35:00,698 --> 00:35:02,363
♪ But that's okay ♪
684
00:35:02,363 --> 00:35:04,139
♪ Ah ♪
♪ He comes from France ♪
685
00:35:04,139 --> 00:35:06,171
♪ And they live that way ♪
686
00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:09,205
♪ La la ♪
♪ He's real polite but I got ♪
687
00:35:09,205 --> 00:35:14,046
♪ A hunch he's gonna jump my
bones tomorrow at brunch ♪
688
00:35:14,046 --> 00:35:17,758
♪ He's gonna jump her
bones tomorrow at brunch ♪
689
00:35:17,758 --> 00:35:21,774
♪ Come on and jump my
bones tomorrow at brunch ♪
690
00:35:21,774 --> 00:35:26,774
♪ Oh my god shut up, oh my
god shut up, oh my god shut ♪
691
00:35:27,539 --> 00:35:29,404
♪ Oh my god shut up ♪
692
00:35:29,404 --> 00:35:31,187
♪ I love this guy ♪
693
00:35:31,187 --> 00:35:33,738
♪ He sounds really hunky ♪
694
00:35:33,738 --> 00:35:35,346
♪ His chest is huge ♪
695
00:35:35,346 --> 00:35:37,097
♪ He's a love monkey ♪
696
00:35:37,097 --> 00:35:40,907
♪ We'll say I do in Atlantic City ♪
697
00:35:40,907 --> 00:35:42,379
♪ I bet our kids ♪
698
00:35:42,379 --> 00:35:44,705
♪ Are gonna be pretty ♪
699
00:35:44,705 --> 00:35:47,328
♪ I don't even mind the stench ♪
700
00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:48,252
♪ He's French ♪
701
00:35:48,252 --> 00:35:51,105
♪ He's a hero he's a savior he's a mench ♪
702
00:35:51,105 --> 00:35:52,288
♪ I'm verklempt ♪
703
00:35:52,288 --> 00:35:54,872
♪ I'll be his ever loving wench ♪
704
00:35:54,872 --> 00:35:57,229
♪ He's my big French boyfriend ♪
705
00:35:57,229 --> 00:35:59,023
♪ Her big French boyfriend ♪
706
00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:00,948
♪ My big French boyfriend ♪
707
00:36:00,948 --> 00:36:05,948
♪ Her BF BF ♪
708
00:36:06,264 --> 00:36:08,847
♪ My aaahhh... ♪
709
00:36:18,914 --> 00:36:22,081
(audience snickering)
710
00:36:23,619 --> 00:36:26,699
Oh, (chuckles), (mumbles)...
711
00:36:26,699 --> 00:36:31,677
♪ My big French boyfriend ♪
♪ Boyfriend ♪
712
00:36:31,677 --> 00:36:34,844
(audience applauding)
713
00:36:39,387 --> 00:36:42,137
(relaxing music)
714
00:36:52,419 --> 00:36:56,416
♪ She is a flower full of ♪
715
00:36:56,416 --> 00:37:01,416
♪ Sweet perfume ♪
716
00:37:02,936 --> 00:37:07,051
♪ She steals my breath away when she ♪
717
00:37:07,051 --> 00:37:12,051
♪ Walks in the room ♪
718
00:37:13,310 --> 00:37:17,893
♪ A woman like that is so hard to find ♪
719
00:37:21,579 --> 00:37:26,251
(sighing)
♪ Oh, oh ♪
720
00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:31,251
♪ Thank God she's blind ♪
(audience snickering)
721
00:37:33,748 --> 00:37:38,748
♪ What would she do if
she could see my face ♪
722
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:47,616
♪ Would she love it tender ♪
723
00:37:47,616 --> 00:37:52,616
♪ Or spray it full of mace ♪
724
00:37:55,224 --> 00:37:59,416
♪ I wish I could get my eyeball ♪
725
00:37:59,416 --> 00:38:04,416
♪ Back in my eye ♪
726
00:38:05,655 --> 00:38:10,655
♪ When your face looks decayed ♪
727
00:38:10,696 --> 00:38:15,638
♪ It's hard to get laid ♪
728
00:38:15,638 --> 00:38:20,638
♪ But she thinks I'm one, beautiful guy ♪
729
00:38:24,151 --> 00:38:28,234
♪ I could give her this geranium ♪
730
00:38:34,535 --> 00:38:37,718
♪ And pray she doesn't touch ♪
731
00:38:37,718 --> 00:38:42,718
♪ My cranium ♪
(audience snickering)
732
00:38:44,746 --> 00:38:49,746
♪ Love isn't loud at
all, it's soft and kind ♪
733
00:38:52,057 --> 00:38:54,156
♪ Oh ♪
734
00:38:54,156 --> 00:38:59,156
♪ Oh, oh thank God she's blind ♪
735
00:39:02,127 --> 00:39:07,127
♪ Oh, oh thank God ♪
736
00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:09,761
♪ She's blind ♪
737
00:39:22,874 --> 00:39:26,041
(audience applauding)
738
00:39:34,274 --> 00:39:36,144
(dog barking)
739
00:39:36,144 --> 00:39:38,474
- [Mom] Melvin, is that you Melvin?
740
00:39:38,474 --> 00:39:40,173
- Uh, go back to sleep Ma!
741
00:39:40,173 --> 00:39:42,459
- [Mom] You have any idea what time it is?
742
00:39:42,459 --> 00:39:43,688
- Ma don't come in here!
743
00:39:43,688 --> 00:39:45,803
- [Mom] I've been the
whole night worrying,
744
00:39:45,803 --> 00:39:48,072
all I ever do is worry about you!
745
00:39:48,072 --> 00:39:50,632
- Ma, don't come in here don't!
746
00:39:50,632 --> 00:39:51,465
- Melvin!
747
00:39:52,712 --> 00:39:55,718
You're looking more and more
like your father every day!
748
00:39:55,718 --> 00:39:56,787
(audience laughing)
749
00:39:56,787 --> 00:40:00,008
Now Melvin, what have
you done to yourself now?
750
00:40:00,008 --> 00:40:01,533
- It's not my fault Ma!
751
00:40:01,533 --> 00:40:02,514
Some bullies threw me into a
752
00:40:02,514 --> 00:40:03,965
vat of toxic goo, and now I'm a
753
00:40:03,965 --> 00:40:05,691
- [Both] mutant with superhuman strength!
754
00:40:05,691 --> 00:40:08,310
- Oh a mother's dream!
- Oh I'm sorry!
755
00:40:08,310 --> 00:40:09,755
- Could you at least put
the left eyeball back
756
00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:10,755
where it belongs?
757
00:40:10,755 --> 00:40:11,588
- I tried, but
758
00:40:11,588 --> 00:40:12,421
it wont' stay in!
- But all I ever
759
00:40:12,421 --> 00:40:13,733
asked for was a grandchild!
760
00:40:13,733 --> 00:40:14,899
- All right, but this
- So do you want me to fix
761
00:40:14,899 --> 00:40:16,019
- isn't about you right now!
- some breakfast or
762
00:40:16,019 --> 00:40:17,199
are you just gonna eat the dog?
763
00:40:17,199 --> 00:40:19,228
- Ma!
(audience chuckling)
764
00:40:19,228 --> 00:40:20,728
You gotta help me!
765
00:40:21,777 --> 00:40:23,577
- That eyeball's gonna drive me crazy.
766
00:40:23,577 --> 00:40:25,815
(audience snickering)
Melvin!
767
00:40:25,815 --> 00:40:27,087
(groaning)
768
00:40:27,087 --> 00:40:29,239
There's only one thing a mother can say to
769
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:30,647
her son at a time like this.
770
00:40:30,647 --> 00:40:31,480
- Hmm?
771
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,339
(peppy music)
♪ You're such a ♪
772
00:40:32,339 --> 00:40:34,870
♪ Disappointment ♪
773
00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:36,712
♪ You heard it hear first ♪
774
00:40:36,712 --> 00:40:38,548
- This isn't helping, Ma!
775
00:40:38,548 --> 00:40:40,876
♪ Of all the stunts you pulled ♪
776
00:40:40,876 --> 00:40:42,566
♪ Son this is the worst ♪
777
00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:43,921
- What are we gonna do Ma?
778
00:40:43,921 --> 00:40:46,765
♪ I don't know, I'm still in shock ♪
779
00:40:46,765 --> 00:40:48,120
♪ So call the doc ♪
780
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:51,412
♪ He might have a wonder drug ♪
781
00:40:51,412 --> 00:40:54,876
♪ Oh, look at that ooze
leaking onto your shoes ♪
782
00:40:54,876 --> 00:40:57,868
♪ I'm gonna have to clean this rug ♪
783
00:40:57,868 --> 00:41:00,966
♪ Such a disappointment, follow me ♪
784
00:41:00,966 --> 00:41:05,841
♪ My wandering disappointment, come on ♪
785
00:41:05,841 --> 00:41:08,017
So doctor, what do you think?
786
00:41:08,017 --> 00:41:10,598
- This is the worst case of
chicken pox I've ever seen!
787
00:41:10,598 --> 00:41:11,913
(audience snickering)
(doctor laughing)
788
00:41:11,913 --> 00:41:14,855
- It's not chicken pox,
he's a mutant freak!
789
00:41:14,855 --> 00:41:17,334
- In that case, wow!
790
00:41:17,334 --> 00:41:20,348
♪ He's a disappointment ♪
791
00:41:20,348 --> 00:41:24,188
♪ The worst I've ever seen ♪
792
00:41:24,188 --> 00:41:26,732
♪ He's a mutant freak ♪
793
00:41:26,732 --> 00:41:28,804
♪ He's also very green ♪
794
00:41:28,804 --> 00:41:30,304
- Yeah, I noticed.
795
00:41:31,326 --> 00:41:34,316
♪ There ain't no pill, to fix his ill ♪
796
00:41:34,316 --> 00:41:38,116
♪ My brain is in a twist ♪
(audience chuckling)
797
00:41:38,116 --> 00:41:40,919
♪ The only cure for this kind of boy ♪
798
00:41:40,919 --> 00:41:43,948
♪ Is to see a scientist ♪
799
00:41:43,948 --> 00:41:45,565
♪ Also try this ointment ♪
800
00:41:45,565 --> 00:41:47,116
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
801
00:41:47,116 --> 00:41:48,937
♪ But what a disappointment ♪
802
00:41:48,937 --> 00:41:50,518
♪ Oh yeah ♪
803
00:41:50,518 --> 00:41:52,693
♪ Ooh brandy aged three years ♪
804
00:41:52,693 --> 00:41:56,457
- I know the best scientific
mind in Tromaville.
805
00:41:56,457 --> 00:41:59,802
Some say he's a genius, some say he's mad!
806
00:41:59,802 --> 00:42:01,689
- Oh!
- All I know,
807
00:42:01,689 --> 00:42:04,327
is he is a wonderful dancer!
808
00:42:04,327 --> 00:42:06,070
(audience snickering)
Yah.
809
00:42:06,070 --> 00:42:10,100
♪ But, you're what a disappointment ♪
810
00:42:10,100 --> 00:42:11,322
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
811
00:42:11,322 --> 00:42:14,459
- So, what's your prognosis professor?
812
00:42:14,459 --> 00:42:18,626
- Well after careful
examination, I have to say...
813
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:23,108
♪ He's a disappointment ♪
814
00:42:23,108 --> 00:42:24,770
♪ He's absolutely green ♪
815
00:42:24,770 --> 00:42:26,498
♪ A big green freak ♪
816
00:42:26,498 --> 00:42:29,215
♪ Never found happiness ♪
♪ Oh happiness ♪
817
00:42:29,215 --> 00:42:30,180
(screaming)
♪ His eyeball's ♪
818
00:42:30,180 --> 00:42:31,373
on his cheek!
819
00:42:31,373 --> 00:42:32,790
- Ooh ooh, gross!
820
00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:37,100
♪ A mutant son, ain't no fun ♪
821
00:42:37,100 --> 00:42:39,260
♪ You have my deep regret ♪
822
00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:40,743
- He feels bad.
823
00:42:40,743 --> 00:42:43,598
♪ As far as health, his pretty self ♪
824
00:42:43,598 --> 00:42:46,765
♪ There's only one fatal threat ♪
825
00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:49,969
♪ Fatal threat, fatal threat ♪
826
00:42:49,969 --> 00:42:52,552
♪ Fatal threat ♪
827
00:42:53,580 --> 00:42:55,830
- Common, household bleach!
828
00:42:56,681 --> 00:42:59,375
(blubbering)
It's the only thing
829
00:42:59,375 --> 00:43:01,221
that can kill a mutant!
- Oh!
830
00:43:01,221 --> 00:43:02,179
- Oh!
- Ah!
831
00:43:02,179 --> 00:43:03,012
- Oh god!
832
00:43:04,047 --> 00:43:07,464
♪ Still a disappointment ♪
833
00:43:08,886 --> 00:43:11,948
(audience applauding)
834
00:43:11,948 --> 00:43:14,448
(peppy music)
835
00:43:26,279 --> 00:43:29,362
- I got it, the idea for my new book!
836
00:43:30,479 --> 00:43:32,479
An inspirational memoir!
837
00:43:34,100 --> 00:43:36,350
A hot noble blind girl, oh,
838
00:43:37,711 --> 00:43:41,378
is saved by a large,
mysterious, French man!
839
00:43:43,311 --> 00:43:44,609
Of course she falls in love with him
840
00:43:44,609 --> 00:43:47,567
because he's everything
she ever dreamed of.
841
00:43:47,567 --> 00:43:51,484
Soulful, and he's sensitive,
and all muscle-ee,
842
00:43:53,751 --> 00:43:56,431
and unlike any other man
that she's ever dated
843
00:43:56,431 --> 00:43:59,111
there is absolutely nothing disturbing or
844
00:43:59,111 --> 00:44:00,639
freakish about him.
845
00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:02,164
(audience snickering)
- Uh, Sarah!
846
00:44:02,164 --> 00:44:04,916
- Oh, Toxie, I thought that--
847
00:44:04,916 --> 00:44:07,395
My, what is that smell?
848
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:10,188
- Newark.
(audience snickering)
849
00:44:10,188 --> 00:44:13,124
Sarah, I'm afraid I can
only stay a little while.
850
00:44:13,124 --> 00:44:15,164
I'm on a mission.
- A mission?
851
00:44:15,164 --> 00:44:16,942
- A mission to remove every vile vat of
852
00:44:16,942 --> 00:44:18,755
toxic goo from Tromaville!
853
00:44:18,755 --> 00:44:21,505
- Oh, you're so green, love that!
854
00:44:23,235 --> 00:44:25,364
But, do you at least have
a little time for brunch
855
00:44:25,364 --> 00:44:28,434
before you go on your
mission, I made a toast-a
856
00:44:28,434 --> 00:44:31,228
(speaking foreign language).
857
00:44:31,228 --> 00:44:34,311
(audience chuckling)
858
00:44:36,137 --> 00:44:37,767
- What?
859
00:44:37,767 --> 00:44:41,570
- Well it's, 'cause you're,
it's French toast, (mumbles)...
860
00:44:41,570 --> 00:44:43,237
No, back in a flash!
861
00:44:47,743 --> 00:44:52,743
- Ah, I'm sure she won't mind
if we take a little look.
862
00:44:52,979 --> 00:44:54,396
Ah, a French guy.
863
00:44:56,678 --> 00:44:58,694
(audience chuckling)
I get it,
864
00:44:58,694 --> 00:45:00,861
she must think this is me.
865
00:45:02,990 --> 00:45:06,649
Okay, Oprah, so remember this
'cause it comes in later on.
866
00:45:06,649 --> 00:45:10,273
(audience chuckling)
867
00:45:10,273 --> 00:45:12,590
Come on, we've got to give it to the girl!
868
00:45:12,590 --> 00:45:14,748
For someone that can't
see, the detail on these
869
00:45:14,748 --> 00:45:17,948
things is amazing!
(audience chuckling)
870
00:45:17,948 --> 00:45:19,365
I'll put it back.
871
00:45:20,792 --> 00:45:23,716
(chuckling)
872
00:45:23,716 --> 00:45:25,799
Oh wow, Sarah you look...
873
00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:27,791
- Tea?
874
00:45:27,791 --> 00:45:29,449
- Uh sure let me give you a hand.
875
00:45:29,449 --> 00:45:32,616
- Uh, no it's okay...
- It's all right.
876
00:45:34,430 --> 00:45:36,430
Here you go.
- Thank you.
877
00:45:38,555 --> 00:45:42,305
Ow fuck.
(audience chuckling)
878
00:45:43,256 --> 00:45:45,506
(grunting)
879
00:45:48,114 --> 00:45:48,947
- Oh!
880
00:45:51,657 --> 00:45:53,490
Oh yeah, ah, ah, ah...
881
00:45:55,867 --> 00:45:57,802
- You want sugar?
882
00:45:57,802 --> 00:45:59,364
- Sure.
- Yeah?
883
00:45:59,364 --> 00:46:00,531
- Yeah.
- Okay.
884
00:46:05,527 --> 00:46:07,932
Uh-huh?
- Yeah yeah, that's enough.
885
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:11,564
(cup ringing)
(audience snickering)
886
00:46:11,564 --> 00:46:13,564
- Cheers.
- Cheers, ah...
887
00:46:17,543 --> 00:46:19,793
(slurping)
888
00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:24,035
Ah, that's some good tea.
889
00:46:24,035 --> 00:46:26,264
- So Toxie, do you realize that this is
890
00:46:26,264 --> 00:46:28,264
our first date together?
891
00:46:29,755 --> 00:46:33,715
- Oh, Sarah, I've got
something to tell you!
892
00:46:33,715 --> 00:46:36,465
I've never been on a date before.
893
00:46:37,552 --> 00:46:40,385
- Oh, Toxie are, are you a virgin?
894
00:46:43,744 --> 00:46:45,077
- I am, are you?
895
00:46:47,272 --> 00:46:49,656
- Well I...
(audience snickering)
896
00:46:49,656 --> 00:46:52,875
I have been with other men (chuckles).
897
00:46:52,875 --> 00:46:55,075
- A lot of other men?
898
00:46:55,075 --> 00:46:58,742
- Um, I have a (mumbles)...
899
00:47:10,765 --> 00:47:14,614
Carry, carry the one...
(audience snickering)
900
00:47:14,614 --> 00:47:16,752
But, define a lot?
- 10?
901
00:47:16,752 --> 00:47:21,264
- Wow, yeah, a lot then (chuckles)!
902
00:47:21,264 --> 00:47:22,955
(high pitched laughing)
903
00:47:22,955 --> 00:47:24,904
Hey, you know what I want to ask you,
904
00:47:24,904 --> 00:47:27,668
how about you tell me a joke!
905
00:47:27,668 --> 00:47:29,198
I do so love a good joke!
906
00:47:29,198 --> 00:47:30,156
- Oh I don't know any!
907
00:47:30,156 --> 00:47:32,016
- Oh come on, everyone
knows at least one joke!
908
00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:33,394
- Not me!
- Now don't even think
909
00:47:33,394 --> 00:47:34,656
if it's funny or not!
910
00:47:34,656 --> 00:47:35,816
- I really don't know any!
- Just say it!
911
00:47:35,816 --> 00:47:36,649
- No!
- Just say it!
912
00:47:36,649 --> 00:47:37,482
- No!
- Just say it!
913
00:47:37,482 --> 00:47:38,445
- No!
- Just say it!
914
00:47:38,445 --> 00:47:40,982
- How did Stevie Wonder burn his hand?
915
00:47:40,982 --> 00:47:44,149
(audience snickering)
916
00:47:46,003 --> 00:47:47,503
I am so, so sorry!
917
00:47:50,171 --> 00:47:54,004
- No, now did he, try
to read the waffle iron?
918
00:47:57,723 --> 00:48:00,923
- Yes!
- That happened to me once!
919
00:48:00,923 --> 00:48:05,304
(relaxing music)
(chuckling)
920
00:48:05,304 --> 00:48:08,054
Look (chuckles)!
921
00:48:09,278 --> 00:48:10,195
- Oh Sarah!
922
00:48:19,293 --> 00:48:24,293
♪ I always dreamed I'd find someone ♪
923
00:48:24,914 --> 00:48:29,914
♪ But that was just some fantasy ♪
924
00:48:33,274 --> 00:48:38,274
♪ I'd meet a girl and she'd up and run ♪
925
00:48:38,903 --> 00:48:43,903
♪ Love wanted no part of me ♪
926
00:48:46,132 --> 00:48:49,314
♪ Then I met you ♪
927
00:48:49,314 --> 00:48:52,338
♪ Beautiful you ♪
- Me?
928
00:48:52,338 --> 00:48:57,338
♪ A true scientific breakthrough ♪
929
00:48:59,810 --> 00:49:02,850
♪ Look deep inside ♪
930
00:49:02,850 --> 00:49:06,267
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
931
00:49:06,267 --> 00:49:09,869
♪ You'll see the real me ♪
932
00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:13,704
♪ I'm yours honestly ♪
933
00:49:13,704 --> 00:49:17,206
♪ You make me combust ♪
934
00:49:17,206 --> 00:49:20,557
♪ With chemical lust ♪
935
00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:24,113
♪ I'm just so scared of ♪
- Wow, that is...
936
00:49:24,113 --> 00:49:28,113
♪ Our hot toxic, hot toxic love ♪
937
00:49:33,690 --> 00:49:36,652
(Sarah sighing)
938
00:49:36,652 --> 00:49:41,652
♪ I spent my life in the dark ♪
939
00:49:42,484 --> 00:49:45,221
♪ Stuck in a long ♪
940
00:49:45,221 --> 00:49:49,938
- Oh oh oh oh Sarah!
♪ Lonely night ♪
941
00:49:49,938 --> 00:49:52,471
- There you go.
♪ You came along ♪
942
00:49:52,471 --> 00:49:56,414
♪ And lit a spark ♪
943
00:49:56,414 --> 00:49:58,093
♪ Now, finally ♪
944
00:49:58,093 --> 00:50:03,093
- No, no, no, no no no!
♪ I see the light ♪
945
00:50:03,611 --> 00:50:06,943
♪ All 'cause of you ♪
946
00:50:06,943 --> 00:50:10,413
♪ Beautiful you ♪
947
00:50:10,413 --> 00:50:14,580
♪ A man who's too good to be true ♪
948
00:50:15,562 --> 00:50:17,589
(audience chuckling)
- Whoa!
949
00:50:17,589 --> 00:50:20,555
♪ I see deep inside ♪
950
00:50:20,555 --> 00:50:24,226
♪ You have nothing to hide ♪
951
00:50:24,226 --> 00:50:27,630
♪ I know who you are ♪
952
00:50:27,630 --> 00:50:31,259
♪ You're my shining star ♪
953
00:50:31,259 --> 00:50:34,887
♪ You, you make my heart beat ♪
954
00:50:34,887 --> 00:50:38,475
♪ With nuclear heat ♪
955
00:50:38,475 --> 00:50:42,138
♪ Now, don't be scared of ♪
956
00:50:42,138 --> 00:50:44,425
♪ My hot toxic ♪
957
00:50:44,425 --> 00:50:49,425
♪ Hot toxic love ♪
958
00:50:50,554 --> 00:50:53,785
♪ When you think of it ♪
959
00:50:53,785 --> 00:50:57,345
♪ We're a perfect fit ♪
960
00:50:57,345 --> 00:51:02,345
♪ Were both a little offbeat ♪
961
00:51:04,254 --> 00:51:07,601
♪ I'm what you'd call blind ♪
962
00:51:07,601 --> 00:51:10,446
♪ I'm more Frankenstein ♪
963
00:51:10,446 --> 00:51:15,446
♪ Yet, somehow you make me complete ♪
964
00:51:16,743 --> 00:51:19,656
♪ Look deep inside ♪
965
00:51:19,656 --> 00:51:22,930
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
966
00:51:22,930 --> 00:51:26,585
♪ You'll see the real me ♪
967
00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,746
♪ I'm yours ♪
968
00:51:27,746 --> 00:51:30,506
♪ Honestly ♪
- No Sarah, Sarah, over here!
969
00:51:30,506 --> 00:51:32,649
♪ You make me combust ♪
(audience chuckling)
970
00:51:32,649 --> 00:51:36,149
- Ow!
♪ With chemical lust ♪
971
00:51:37,113 --> 00:51:40,534
♪ Now don't be scared of ♪
972
00:51:40,534 --> 00:51:42,822
♪ My hot toxic ♪
973
00:51:42,822 --> 00:51:44,486
♪ Hot toxic ♪
974
00:51:44,486 --> 00:51:47,454
♪ Look deep inside ♪
975
00:51:47,454 --> 00:51:50,833
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
976
00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:54,334
♪ You'll see the real me ♪
977
00:51:54,334 --> 00:51:57,969
♪ I'm yours honestly ♪
978
00:51:57,969 --> 00:52:01,763
♪ You make me combust ♪
979
00:52:01,763 --> 00:52:04,625
♪ With chemical lust ♪
980
00:52:04,625 --> 00:52:08,054
♪ Now, don't be scared of ♪
981
00:52:08,054 --> 00:52:10,334
♪ My hot toxic ♪
982
00:52:10,334 --> 00:52:15,334
♪ Hot toxic love ♪
983
00:52:17,028 --> 00:52:20,797
♪ My hot toxic ♪
984
00:52:20,797 --> 00:52:24,762
♪ Ooh ♪
985
00:52:24,762 --> 00:52:27,995
♪ My hot toxic ♪
986
00:52:27,995 --> 00:52:31,865
♪ Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh ♪
987
00:52:31,865 --> 00:52:34,606
♪ Ooh ♪
988
00:52:34,606 --> 00:52:36,523
♪ Love ♪
989
00:52:44,364 --> 00:52:47,531
(audience applauding)
990
00:52:49,990 --> 00:52:52,744
- Oh Sarah I'm sorry I can't kiss you!
991
00:52:52,744 --> 00:52:55,180
(ship's horn blowing)
992
00:52:55,180 --> 00:52:57,275
Oh, Sarah I have to leave!
993
00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:00,163
I fear the next shipment is coming in.
994
00:53:00,163 --> 00:53:04,042
- Oh?
(audience chuckling)
995
00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,792
Toxie, what shipment?
996
00:53:12,814 --> 00:53:16,833
T-Toxie, what, why you have (mumbles)...
997
00:53:16,833 --> 00:53:17,916
Motherfucker!
998
00:53:23,411 --> 00:53:26,578
(ship's horn blowing)
999
00:53:28,782 --> 00:53:31,155
- All right Chief, how's it going?
1000
00:53:31,155 --> 00:53:33,861
You almost done unloading
that toxic waste?
1001
00:53:33,861 --> 00:53:36,050
- I can assure you Madam Mayor,
1002
00:53:36,050 --> 00:53:38,800
everything's fine,
everything's fine (chuckles).
1003
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,717
- Good.
(screaming)
1004
00:53:42,730 --> 00:53:45,509
(audience laughing)
1005
00:53:45,509 --> 00:53:48,509
- What kind of fiend, has done this?
1006
00:53:50,512 --> 00:53:52,512
Gee pet-pet, my brother!
1007
00:53:53,690 --> 00:53:58,690
In the name of our ancestors,
I will avenge his death!
1008
00:53:58,938 --> 00:54:02,021
And blood, will spill upon the Earth,
1009
00:54:03,578 --> 00:54:08,411
with the red stench of e--
(Toxie roaring)
1010
00:54:09,741 --> 00:54:10,574
Adios!
1011
00:54:10,574 --> 00:54:13,157
Oh god!
- What the hell is that?
1012
00:54:14,274 --> 00:54:16,222
- It's the monster you idiot!
1013
00:54:16,222 --> 00:54:17,874
Shoot to kill!
1014
00:54:17,874 --> 00:54:18,883
- No, no no no no!
1015
00:54:18,883 --> 00:54:20,866
(gun firing)
(Mayor laughing)
1016
00:54:20,866 --> 00:54:23,485
(Toxie roaring)
1017
00:54:23,485 --> 00:54:24,818
- Okay, problem!
1018
00:54:25,975 --> 00:54:27,370
Bullet proof!
1019
00:54:27,370 --> 00:54:29,063
I'll see you later!
1020
00:54:29,063 --> 00:54:32,735
(screaming)
(crying)
1021
00:54:32,735 --> 00:54:34,343
- All right Chewbacca,
1022
00:54:34,343 --> 00:54:36,709
who are you and what the hell do you want?
1023
00:54:36,709 --> 00:54:38,759
- You mean you don't recognize me?
1024
00:54:38,759 --> 00:54:40,759
Why I'm Melvin Ferd III.
1025
00:54:41,884 --> 00:54:44,935
- You, you're that scrawny kid?
1026
00:54:44,935 --> 00:54:47,133
- Your goons threw me
into a vat of toxic goo,
1027
00:54:47,133 --> 00:54:48,903
and this is what I came out like!
1028
00:54:48,903 --> 00:54:49,736
- Ech!
1029
00:54:49,736 --> 00:54:52,486
- I should destroy you right now!
1030
00:54:54,613 --> 00:54:58,768
But no, not until I've
exposed the evil you've done!
1031
00:54:58,768 --> 00:55:02,604
- Oh, all right, make me out
to look like the bad guy here!
1032
00:55:02,604 --> 00:55:04,616
Don't think I don't
know what you're up to!
1033
00:55:04,616 --> 00:55:08,449
Uh, killing polluters,
acting outside the law,
1034
00:55:09,471 --> 00:55:13,047
you're trying to become a folk hero!
1035
00:55:13,047 --> 00:55:16,652
(audience chuckling)
(perky folk music)
1036
00:55:16,652 --> 00:55:19,735
(audience tittering)
1037
00:55:20,678 --> 00:55:24,095
(audience clapping)
1038
00:55:24,095 --> 00:55:26,186
♪ Let me tell you a story about ♪
1039
00:55:26,186 --> 00:55:29,071
♪ A man with a strange complexion ♪
1040
00:55:29,071 --> 00:55:33,898
♪ He killed a lot of folks and
he made a love connection ♪
1041
00:55:33,898 --> 00:55:37,802
♪ By day, he had a girl who
baked him homemade breads ♪
1042
00:55:37,802 --> 00:55:39,807
- Oh, oh god (mumbles)...
♪ By night he ♪
1043
00:55:39,807 --> 00:55:42,790
♪ Roamed the streets and he
ripped off people's heads ♪
1044
00:55:42,790 --> 00:55:45,275
♪ This is the legend ♪
1045
00:55:45,275 --> 00:55:46,980
♪ He's the legend ♪
1046
00:55:46,980 --> 00:55:51,980
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
1047
00:55:53,475 --> 00:55:57,265
♪ At first, the folks were sure
he'd kill them all one day ♪
1048
00:55:57,265 --> 00:55:58,350
- He'll kill us all!
1049
00:55:58,350 --> 00:56:01,820
♪ But then their crime went
down and the freak seemed okay ♪
1050
00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:03,374
- Oh I like him now (giggles).
1051
00:56:03,374 --> 00:56:07,995
♪ He proved more popular than
Prince William and Kate ♪
1052
00:56:07,995 --> 00:56:12,054
♪ He put the garden back,
in the Garden State ♪
1053
00:56:12,054 --> 00:56:14,201
♪ This is the legend ♪
1054
00:56:14,201 --> 00:56:19,201
♪ He's the legend, the
legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
1055
00:56:20,230 --> 00:56:22,714
♪ Oh yeah ♪
1056
00:56:22,714 --> 00:56:27,675
♪ He cleaned up Tromaville
by sealing all the vats ♪
1057
00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:31,534
♪ He won the children's love
by saving all their cats ♪
1058
00:56:31,534 --> 00:56:34,201
- Oh I love you Toxie, yeah, ah!
1059
00:56:36,278 --> 00:56:41,235
♪ Toxie's a hero now,
bigger than Superman ♪
1060
00:56:41,235 --> 00:56:43,566
♪ Let him lay some whip-ass on ♪
1061
00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:45,705
♪ Let him lay some whip-ass on ♪
1062
00:56:45,705 --> 00:56:47,924
♪ The man could really
lay some whip-ass on ♪
1063
00:56:47,924 --> 00:56:50,833
♪ All the town's bad ♪
1064
00:56:50,833 --> 00:56:52,810
♪ And so the cops got scared ♪
1065
00:56:52,810 --> 00:56:55,550
♪ Some of them soiled their britches ♪
1066
00:56:55,550 --> 00:57:00,455
♪ The rest just ran away like
freaked out little bitches ♪
1067
00:57:00,455 --> 00:57:03,834
♪ Now the mayor stands alone ♪
1068
00:57:03,834 --> 00:57:08,834
♪ It's her against the goon ♪
1069
00:57:08,989 --> 00:57:13,256
♪ She knows the time has come,
soon gonna be high noon ♪
1070
00:57:13,256 --> 00:57:14,770
(spring reverberating)
(audience snickering)
1071
00:57:14,770 --> 00:57:16,962
♪ Oh, he's the legend ♪
- What is this?
1072
00:57:16,962 --> 00:57:18,520
♪ I'm the legend ♪
1073
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,240
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
1074
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,290
(audience clapping)
1075
00:57:24,290 --> 00:57:26,789
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
1076
00:57:26,789 --> 00:57:28,989
♪ He's the legend ♪
1077
00:57:28,989 --> 00:57:31,149
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
1078
00:57:31,149 --> 00:57:33,615
♪ Hot dang, the legend ♪
1079
00:57:33,615 --> 00:57:38,301
♪ Go tell your children about the legend ♪
1080
00:57:38,301 --> 00:57:40,701
♪ You tell your children's children ♪
1081
00:57:40,701 --> 00:57:43,389
♪ You tell your children's
children's children ♪
1082
00:57:43,389 --> 00:57:45,450
♪ Have your children's
tell their friends ♪
1083
00:57:45,450 --> 00:57:47,845
♪ And their friends tell other friends ♪
1084
00:57:47,845 --> 00:57:50,154
♪ Make some calls, write some letters ♪
1085
00:57:50,154 --> 00:57:52,715
♪ Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter ♪
1086
00:57:52,715 --> 00:57:56,109
♪ Go on LinkedIn, don't do
MySpace, no on goes there ♪
1087
00:57:56,109 --> 00:57:58,229
♪ Na na na na, na na na na, ♪
1088
00:57:58,229 --> 00:58:02,717
♪ Na na na na na na oh oh ♪
1089
00:58:02,717 --> 00:58:06,077
♪ Clap with me, clap
with me, clap with me ♪
1090
00:58:06,077 --> 00:58:09,709
♪ Take it, clap with me, clap with me ♪
1091
00:58:09,709 --> 00:58:11,649
(audience clapping)
1092
00:58:11,649 --> 00:58:15,399
(screeching harmonica music)
1093
00:58:29,570 --> 00:58:31,653
- Just fucking finish it!
1094
00:58:37,239 --> 00:58:41,389
Fucking over-acting!
(audience laughing)
1095
00:58:41,389 --> 00:58:46,389
(audience tittering)
(audience applauding)
1096
00:59:04,614 --> 00:59:06,447
- Fucking over-acting.
1097
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,930
(audience snickering)
1098
00:59:24,810 --> 00:59:27,250
The legend of the Toxic Avenger!
1099
00:59:27,250 --> 00:59:28,583
(dramatic music)
1100
00:59:28,583 --> 00:59:33,583
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1101
00:59:39,390 --> 00:59:40,421
(eerie bubbling)
1102
00:59:40,421 --> 00:59:42,754
(whistling)
1103
00:59:47,501 --> 00:59:49,260
- Oh!
(audience chuckling)
1104
00:59:49,260 --> 00:59:50,694
- Hello Kennith!
1105
00:59:50,694 --> 00:59:53,759
- Dammit, what are you
doing in my basement, woman?
1106
00:59:53,759 --> 00:59:55,711
Didn't you hear of knocking?
1107
00:59:55,711 --> 00:59:56,791
Ah!
1108
00:59:56,791 --> 00:59:59,071
- Not long ago you used
to love it when I come
1109
00:59:59,071 --> 01:00:00,850
into your room without knocking.
1110
01:00:00,850 --> 01:00:04,250
Finding you asleep, having my way!
1111
01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:06,231
- Dammit that's true!
1112
01:00:06,231 --> 01:00:09,069
But it's the same story every time!
1113
01:00:09,069 --> 01:00:13,146
You seduce me, then you make
me use science for evil!
1114
01:00:13,146 --> 01:00:16,301
- Kennith, the monster who's
been terrorizing our town--
1115
01:00:16,301 --> 01:00:19,309
- He's no monster, the people love him!
1116
01:00:19,309 --> 01:00:21,909
He's got higher poll numbers than you!
1117
01:00:21,909 --> 01:00:25,181
- No matter, I will soon capture him!
1118
01:00:25,181 --> 01:00:26,399
- How, woman?
1119
01:00:26,399 --> 01:00:28,429
No one knows where he's hiding!
1120
01:00:28,429 --> 01:00:30,145
- I'll find out!
1121
01:00:30,145 --> 01:00:32,260
I know his mother.
1122
01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:37,260
But first, tell me has he
been in to see you, big boy?
1123
01:00:37,530 --> 01:00:38,613
- No, no, no!
1124
01:00:39,610 --> 01:00:41,269
- Oh really?
1125
01:00:41,269 --> 01:00:43,429
Than what's this?
1126
01:00:43,429 --> 01:00:46,179
(dramatic music)
1127
01:00:47,405 --> 01:00:49,655
- Foiled by my own laundry!
1128
01:00:50,709 --> 01:00:53,671
- I have to destroy him, tell me how!
1129
01:00:53,671 --> 01:00:56,109
- No woman!
- Tell me Kennith!
1130
01:00:56,109 --> 01:00:58,330
- Dammit I said no!
1131
01:00:58,330 --> 01:00:59,911
- Oh yeah?
1132
01:00:59,911 --> 01:01:01,183
(dramatic music)
1133
01:01:01,183 --> 01:01:06,183
♪ These two breasts can be yours ♪
1134
01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:12,497
♪ You can't buy them in stores ♪
1135
01:01:13,682 --> 01:01:16,842
♪ Go ahead take a bite ♪
1136
01:01:16,842 --> 01:01:21,842
♪ Just tell me, what's his kryptonite ♪
1137
01:01:25,071 --> 01:01:30,071
♪ I wont stand here and squeal ♪
1138
01:01:31,671 --> 01:01:36,671
♪ Though I would like a feel ♪
1139
01:01:38,312 --> 01:01:41,352
♪ Oh my brain's in a knot ♪
1140
01:01:41,352 --> 01:01:46,352
♪ Why is evil so hot ♪
1141
01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:56,052
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1142
01:01:56,052 --> 01:02:00,093
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1143
01:02:00,093 --> 01:02:03,419
♪ Don't tell me that it's not ♪
1144
01:02:03,419 --> 01:02:08,419
♪ 'Cause evil is hot ♪
1145
01:02:10,054 --> 01:02:12,020
♪ I am woman ♪
1146
01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:17,020
♪ And I am man ♪
1147
01:02:17,134 --> 01:02:18,520
♪ I am straight ♪
1148
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:23,520
♪ And I am too except for
that one time in college ♪
1149
01:02:25,330 --> 01:02:30,330
♪ So let's do the dance of the doomed ♪
1150
01:02:30,952 --> 01:02:33,687
♪ And get tanked up ♪
1151
01:02:33,687 --> 01:02:36,104
♪ On shrooms ♪
1152
01:02:45,298 --> 01:02:50,077
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1153
01:02:50,077 --> 01:02:54,158
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1154
01:02:54,158 --> 01:02:57,397
♪ Together we'll find that spot ♪
1155
01:02:57,397 --> 01:03:00,397
♪ Where evil is hot ♪
1156
01:03:01,936 --> 01:03:06,853
(moaning)
(hypnotic music)
1157
01:03:36,322 --> 01:03:39,751
(groaning)
(audience clapping)
1158
01:03:39,751 --> 01:03:40,584
- Bleach!
1159
01:03:41,669 --> 01:03:42,502
- What?
1160
01:03:42,502 --> 01:03:44,886
- Throw bleach on him, oh jeez...
1161
01:03:44,886 --> 01:03:48,715
He'll melt faster than the
wicked witch of the west.
1162
01:03:48,715 --> 01:03:51,065
(Mayor laughing)
1163
01:03:51,065 --> 01:03:52,595
- That's all?
1164
01:03:52,595 --> 01:03:54,588
Common household bleach?
1165
01:03:54,588 --> 01:03:56,915
- I've said it, now go!
1166
01:03:56,915 --> 01:03:58,998
Go do your evil, damn it!
1167
01:04:03,585 --> 01:04:08,129
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ha hot ♪
1168
01:04:08,129 --> 01:04:12,073
♪ Ho ho ho ho hot ♪
1169
01:04:12,073 --> 01:04:15,643
♪ What the hell has evil got ♪
1170
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:20,643
♪ That makes it so hot ♪
1171
01:04:21,254 --> 01:04:25,363
♪ Damn it, it's hot ♪
1172
01:04:25,363 --> 01:04:29,464
♪ So freaking hot ♪
1173
01:04:29,464 --> 01:04:32,624
♪ Tonight we'll hit the jackpot ♪
1174
01:04:32,624 --> 01:04:35,593
♪ Where evil is hot ♪
1175
01:04:35,593 --> 01:04:37,623
♪ It's hot ♪
1176
01:04:37,623 --> 01:04:39,358
♪ It's hot ♪
1177
01:04:39,358 --> 01:04:42,344
♪ Evil is hot! ♪
1178
01:04:42,344 --> 01:04:45,511
(audience applauding)
1179
01:04:48,315 --> 01:04:51,732
(perky percussion music)
1180
01:04:54,564 --> 01:04:57,397
(goofy chuckling)
1181
01:05:01,390 --> 01:05:03,950
♪ Oh ♪
1182
01:05:03,950 --> 01:05:06,910
♪ Oh, oh, (grunts), ow ♪
1183
01:05:06,910 --> 01:05:11,910
♪ Uh, hey, uh ooh ♪
1184
01:05:12,585 --> 01:05:15,419
♪ Who will save New Jersey ♪
1185
01:05:15,419 --> 01:05:18,200
♪ Who will save New Jersey ♪
1186
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:20,739
♪ It's a lot of hearsay ♪
1187
01:05:20,739 --> 01:05:23,019
♪ New Jersey ♪
1188
01:05:23,019 --> 01:05:26,619
Hello boys
(giggling)
1189
01:05:26,619 --> 01:05:29,502
♪ New Jersey ♪
1190
01:05:29,502 --> 01:05:30,335
Ha!
1191
01:05:32,038 --> 01:05:37,038
♪ Ha, Jersey ♪
1192
01:05:37,729 --> 01:05:39,156
♪ The Garden State ♪
1193
01:05:39,156 --> 01:05:40,518
♪ Garden State ♪
1194
01:05:40,518 --> 01:05:42,118
♪ Garden State ♪
1195
01:05:42,118 --> 01:05:44,368
(mumbling)
1196
01:05:47,156 --> 01:05:47,989
Wait!
1197
01:05:52,036 --> 01:05:54,296
Oh...
(audience tittering)
1198
01:05:54,296 --> 01:05:55,129
Oh oh!
1199
01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,077
Hello poppy!
1200
01:06:01,208 --> 01:06:04,467
I seen you on Grindr!
(audience chuckling)
1201
01:06:04,467 --> 01:06:08,217
Yes, you are looking
for a power bottom, hmm?
1202
01:06:09,176 --> 01:06:10,009
That's me!
1203
01:06:11,555 --> 01:06:12,856
What's your name?
1204
01:06:12,856 --> 01:06:14,523
- Adrian.
- Adrian...
1205
01:06:15,856 --> 01:06:20,227
Ooh it's like that film
Rocky, you see, Adrian!
1206
01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:21,810
Oh, me I'm Lorenzo.
1207
01:06:23,945 --> 01:06:25,080
- Kiss the ring.
- Of course you
1208
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,973
kiss my ring, you're a good boy!
1209
01:06:27,973 --> 01:06:30,823
(audience snickering)
Adrian, you remember
1210
01:06:30,823 --> 01:06:34,653
the name Lorenzo, you gonna
be screaming it later!
1211
01:06:34,653 --> 01:06:36,201
(audience laughing)
1212
01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:38,284
Okay boys, I'm ready now!
1213
01:06:39,140 --> 01:06:41,640
(perky music)
1214
01:06:43,266 --> 01:06:48,266
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1215
01:06:49,492 --> 01:06:52,580
- Ah, you have children, you think they're
1216
01:06:52,580 --> 01:06:53,767
gonna bring you joy!
1217
01:06:53,767 --> 01:06:55,434
- Oh I know, I know.
1218
01:06:56,362 --> 01:06:58,605
- It's all pain, it's all heartache.
1219
01:06:58,605 --> 01:07:01,103
- Oh I know, I know...
1220
01:07:01,103 --> 01:07:04,478
- He was Ceasarean, trouble from day one.
1221
01:07:04,478 --> 01:07:07,250
- Senora Ferd, oh Senora Ferd!
1222
01:07:07,250 --> 01:07:08,739
- What is it Lorenzo?
1223
01:07:08,739 --> 01:07:10,750
- The mayor, she coming,
1224
01:07:10,750 --> 01:07:12,799
the mayor she coming!
1225
01:07:12,799 --> 01:07:14,450
- What, no.
1226
01:07:14,450 --> 01:07:15,620
- Jes!
- No.
1227
01:07:15,620 --> 01:07:19,089
- Jes, and she say, she coming for you!
1228
01:07:19,089 --> 01:07:19,922
- What?
1229
01:07:19,922 --> 01:07:20,755
No!
- Jes!
1230
01:07:20,755 --> 01:07:21,588
- No!
- Jes!
1231
01:07:21,588 --> 01:07:22,688
- No!
- Jes!
1232
01:07:22,688 --> 01:07:25,826
- You don't understand, we have history!
1233
01:07:25,826 --> 01:07:30,416
Bad history, her and I in
the same room together!
1234
01:07:30,416 --> 01:07:31,749
It's impossible!
1235
01:07:32,618 --> 01:07:35,191
- Aww...
- Santa Maria, no no no!
1236
01:07:35,191 --> 01:07:36,949
- Lorenzo, (mumbles) you must stop her!
1237
01:07:36,949 --> 01:07:39,426
- Oh no no no no no, we
can't we can't we can't!
1238
01:07:39,426 --> 01:07:43,308
- Oh no I can't see her
there's no way, no way!
1239
01:07:43,308 --> 01:07:45,407
Whoo, I'm going out the back door!
1240
01:07:45,407 --> 01:07:47,098
- Oh no, no!
- Oh...
1241
01:07:47,098 --> 01:07:49,224
- [Lorenzo] That's the supply room!
1242
01:07:49,224 --> 01:07:50,557
- Santa Maria...
1243
01:07:52,401 --> 01:07:57,401
(audience tittering)
- Oh, no, oh, no...
1244
01:07:57,525 --> 01:07:59,496
Oh hold it hold it hold it!
1245
01:07:59,496 --> 01:08:01,996
(humming)
Ah!
1246
01:08:03,587 --> 01:08:05,790
Beautiful, you're so talented!
- So are you (mumbling)...
1247
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:07,241
- Oh my god, quick act natural!
1248
01:08:07,241 --> 01:08:09,935
- Oh, okay, I got (mumbles).
- Act naturally!
1249
01:08:09,935 --> 01:08:11,374
(audience chuckling)
1250
01:08:11,374 --> 01:08:14,929
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1251
01:08:14,929 --> 01:08:17,263
- All right, I know she's here some where!
1252
01:08:17,263 --> 01:08:19,145
- Oh, Santa Maria!
1253
01:08:19,145 --> 01:08:20,985
- Fess up, where is she?
1254
01:08:20,985 --> 01:08:23,374
- Oh she not here-a!
- Oh we no know!
1255
01:08:23,374 --> 01:08:25,624
- Oh she not here-a!
- We no know!
1256
01:08:25,624 --> 01:08:29,701
- Listen you two people
of indeterminate accents,
1257
01:08:29,701 --> 01:08:32,143
I saw her come into
your little beauty shop.
1258
01:08:32,143 --> 01:08:34,705
But trust me, no amount
of beauty treatment
1259
01:08:34,705 --> 01:08:36,585
can make that dame look good!
1260
01:08:36,585 --> 01:08:37,752
Oh snap score!
1261
01:08:40,071 --> 01:08:42,516
(sneezing)
1262
01:08:42,516 --> 01:08:45,495
- Bless you!
- The supply room!
1263
01:08:45,495 --> 01:08:46,985
- Oh, oh!
1264
01:08:46,985 --> 01:08:48,318
Oh, Santa Maria!
1265
01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,903
- Naah!
- Oh oh oh oh!
1266
01:08:51,903 --> 01:08:52,736
- No...
1267
01:08:54,058 --> 01:08:56,447
- Lorenzo, Lemiss, run run!
1268
01:08:56,447 --> 01:08:59,623
It's finally time her and
I talked woman to woman,
1269
01:08:59,623 --> 01:09:01,357
and it ain't gonna be easy!
1270
01:09:01,357 --> 01:09:03,010
- Oh clippy come on let's go!
(energetic music)
1271
01:09:03,010 --> 01:09:05,429
- Okay we going now bye!
1272
01:09:05,429 --> 01:09:08,319
- Peppy run with me please!
- Oh!
1273
01:09:08,319 --> 01:09:10,930
- Eunice, come out where I can see you!
1274
01:09:10,930 --> 01:09:14,468
Sure I used my feminine ways to seduce,
1275
01:09:14,468 --> 01:09:17,108
bed, and destroy your husband,
1276
01:09:17,108 --> 01:09:18,677
but that's in the past!
1277
01:09:18,677 --> 01:09:22,177
The one I need to destroy now is your son!
1278
01:09:23,133 --> 01:09:25,431
Tell me where he is!
1279
01:09:25,431 --> 01:09:27,919
- I...
(slapping)
1280
01:09:27,919 --> 01:09:29,919
- You will!
- I, I won't!
1281
01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:32,599
(screaming)
- You will!
1282
01:09:32,599 --> 01:09:33,849
Fuck me!
- What?
1283
01:09:35,279 --> 01:09:36,112
- Nothing!
1284
01:09:37,300 --> 01:09:40,666
♪ I hated you in grammar school ♪
1285
01:09:40,666 --> 01:09:44,260
♪ I hated you in high school ♪
1286
01:09:44,260 --> 01:09:49,260
♪ And if we went to college,
I'd hate you there too ♪
1287
01:09:50,714 --> 01:09:52,584
♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪
1288
01:09:52,584 --> 01:09:54,300
♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪
1289
01:09:54,300 --> 01:09:56,020
♪ Did I leave something out ♪
1290
01:09:56,020 --> 01:09:58,116
♪ Let me think some more ♪
1291
01:09:58,116 --> 01:10:00,090
♪ You're a tart, you're a tramp ♪
1292
01:10:00,090 --> 01:10:02,460
♪ You're as cheap as Demi Moore ♪
1293
01:10:02,460 --> 01:10:04,778
♪ Guess who won this round ♪
1294
01:10:04,778 --> 01:10:09,622
♪ Snap, snap, score ♪
1295
01:10:09,622 --> 01:10:14,622
♪ Bitch, slut, liar, whore ♪
1296
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:20,298
♪ Your sonny boy will soon go bust ♪
1297
01:10:20,298 --> 01:10:23,909
♪ Your sonny boy will eat my dust ♪
1298
01:10:23,909 --> 01:10:26,370
♪ You better tell me where he's at ♪
1299
01:10:26,370 --> 01:10:30,410
♪ And what's more ♪
1300
01:10:30,410 --> 01:10:32,141
♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪
1301
01:10:32,141 --> 01:10:34,210
♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪
1302
01:10:34,210 --> 01:10:38,070
♪ You're a petrified,
fossilized old dinosaur ♪
1303
01:10:38,070 --> 01:10:42,287
♪ And when you're not
hair dyed, you (mumbles) ♪
1304
01:10:42,287 --> 01:10:44,551
♪ Guess who won this round ♪
1305
01:10:44,551 --> 01:10:49,551
♪ Snap, snap, snap, (gibbers) score ♪
1306
01:10:50,004 --> 01:10:53,004
Ah ha, so, he's been hiding in here!
1307
01:10:54,084 --> 01:10:55,124
(Eunice screaming)
1308
01:10:55,124 --> 01:10:57,535
- [Eunice] You stay away from my Melvin!
1309
01:10:57,535 --> 01:11:00,356
For the first time he's successful,
1310
01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:03,603
yet he's in love, even if it is in love
1311
01:11:03,603 --> 01:11:06,156
with a blind librarian!
1312
01:11:06,156 --> 01:11:07,924
- [Mayor] A blind librarian?
1313
01:11:07,924 --> 01:11:10,643
So, he's been hiding out with her!
1314
01:11:10,643 --> 01:11:13,795
(Eunice screaming)
- You stay away from him!
1315
01:11:13,795 --> 01:11:15,563
- I will find him!
- No!
1316
01:11:15,563 --> 01:11:18,636
- [Mayor] And I will
destroy him, and until I do,
1317
01:11:18,636 --> 01:11:21,964
Tromaville is under martial law!
1318
01:11:21,964 --> 01:11:23,316
- [Eunice] Martial law?
1319
01:11:23,316 --> 01:11:25,230
You're a fascist!
1320
01:11:25,230 --> 01:11:28,356
Well, you know what you are!
1321
01:11:28,356 --> 01:11:29,893
♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪
1322
01:11:29,893 --> 01:11:31,716
♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪
1323
01:11:31,716 --> 01:11:33,580
♪ You bitch, you slut ♪
1324
01:11:33,580 --> 01:11:36,014
♪ You liar, you whore ♪
1325
01:11:36,014 --> 01:11:36,847
♪ Bitch bitch ♪
1326
01:11:36,847 --> 01:11:37,680
♪ Slut slut ♪
1327
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:38,693
♪ Liar liar ♪
1328
01:11:38,693 --> 01:11:39,526
♪ Whore whore ♪
1329
01:11:39,526 --> 01:11:41,373
♪ Bitch bitch, slut slut ♪
1330
01:11:41,373 --> 01:11:43,184
♪ Liar liar, whore ♪
1331
01:11:43,184 --> 01:11:45,021
♪ Bitch bitch, slut slut ♪
1332
01:11:45,021 --> 01:11:46,909
♪ Liar liar liar liar ♪
1333
01:11:46,909 --> 01:11:48,542
♪ Whore, whore, whore ♪
1334
01:11:48,542 --> 01:11:52,144
♪ Whore, whore, whore, whore, whore ♪
1335
01:11:52,144 --> 01:11:54,984
♪ Whore, whore, whore ♪
1336
01:11:54,984 --> 01:11:57,317
♪ You whore ♪
1337
01:12:05,064 --> 01:12:10,064
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1338
01:12:10,872 --> 01:12:13,372
(perky music)
1339
01:12:14,213 --> 01:12:18,603
- [Narrator] So as the Mayor
begins her cruel, toxic hunt,
1340
01:12:18,603 --> 01:12:20,643
deep in the heart of Tromaville,
1341
01:12:20,643 --> 01:12:25,022
one frustrated young woman
dares to dream the dream
1342
01:12:25,022 --> 01:12:27,253
of the impossible.
1343
01:12:27,253 --> 01:12:29,836
(tender music)
1344
01:12:35,013 --> 01:12:40,013
- (mumbles) ever after.
(audience tittering)
1345
01:12:41,123 --> 01:12:45,040
Here it is, after five
hellish days of writing,
1346
01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,813
I finally finished my book!
1347
01:12:49,942 --> 01:12:51,654
And as luck would have it,
1348
01:12:51,654 --> 01:12:55,321
it is wonderful, so
move over J. K. Rowling!
1349
01:12:58,083 --> 01:13:01,534
Ooh, get out of my way John Gresham!
1350
01:13:01,534 --> 01:13:05,532
Go screw yourself whoever
wrote the Diary of Anne Frank!
1351
01:13:05,532 --> 01:13:09,341
(audience chuckling)
1352
01:13:09,341 --> 01:13:11,430
'Cause there's only one person I need
1353
01:13:11,430 --> 01:13:14,557
to make my dreams come true.
1354
01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:16,870
(tender music)
1355
01:13:16,870 --> 01:13:21,870
♪ Some people say that you're divine ♪
1356
01:13:23,161 --> 01:13:28,161
♪ So won't you answer
this prayer of mine ♪
1357
01:13:28,825 --> 01:13:33,825
♪ I'll vow my devotion unto thee ♪
1358
01:13:36,070 --> 01:13:41,070
♪ If you'll just put me on the TV-E ♪
1359
01:13:45,761 --> 01:13:49,760
♪ I'll go on one of your cable shows ♪
1360
01:13:49,760 --> 01:13:53,350
♪ Though what channel, nobody knows ♪
1361
01:13:53,350 --> 01:13:57,100
♪ Or be in your O, magazine ♪
1362
01:13:57,100 --> 01:14:00,918
♪ I'll be the hottest
writer they've ever seen ♪
1363
01:14:00,918 --> 01:14:04,529
♪ The fricken hottest
writer they've ever seen ♪
1364
01:14:04,529 --> 01:14:06,230
♪ Choose me, Oprah ♪
1365
01:14:06,230 --> 01:14:08,230
♪ Use me, Oprah ♪
1366
01:14:08,230 --> 01:14:11,978
♪ Make me a person people adore ♪
1367
01:14:11,978 --> 01:14:13,898
♪ Hug me, Oprah ♪
1368
01:14:13,898 --> 01:14:15,973
♪ Plug me, Oprah ♪
1369
01:14:15,973 --> 01:14:18,905
♪ I'll be your book selling whore ♪
1370
01:14:18,905 --> 01:14:21,508
Time for a fantasy dream sequence!
1371
01:14:21,508 --> 01:14:24,025
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh ♪
1372
01:14:24,025 --> 01:14:28,209
♪ Oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh Oprah ♪
1373
01:14:28,209 --> 01:14:31,220
♪ Oh oh, oh oh oh ♪
- Shiniquah, Dianne!
1374
01:14:31,220 --> 01:14:35,931
♪ Oh oh oh, oh oh oh Oprah ♪
1375
01:14:35,931 --> 01:14:39,422
♪ I wrote a memoir of inspiration ♪
1376
01:14:39,422 --> 01:14:43,084
♪ It tells the truth with fabrication ♪
1377
01:14:43,084 --> 01:14:46,467
♪ My book will sell like Winnie the Pooh ♪
1378
01:14:46,467 --> 01:14:49,506
♪ I can even write Maya Angelou ♪
1379
01:14:49,506 --> 01:14:50,521
♪ Angelou! ♪
1380
01:14:50,521 --> 01:14:54,134
♪ I told the tale of a woman in charge ♪
1381
01:14:54,134 --> 01:14:57,990
♪ It ain't too long and
the words ain't large ♪
1382
01:14:57,990 --> 01:15:01,771
♪ It's so much better
than your usual crap ♪
1383
01:15:01,771 --> 01:15:05,580
♪ And I got a marketable handicap ♪
1384
01:15:05,580 --> 01:15:10,580
♪ She's got a marketable handicap ♪
1385
01:15:11,001 --> 01:15:12,670
♪ Pick me, Oprah ♪
1386
01:15:12,670 --> 01:15:14,609
♪ Lick me, Oprah ♪
1387
01:15:14,609 --> 01:15:18,389
♪ We can sell books from here to Guam ♪
1388
01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:19,735
♪ Shill me, Oprah ♪
1389
01:15:19,735 --> 01:15:21,969
♪ Dr. Phil me, Oprah ♪
1390
01:15:21,969 --> 01:15:25,780
♪ Let's kick butt on Amazon.com ♪
1391
01:15:25,780 --> 01:15:29,369
♪ Do me, Oprah, do me, Oprah ♪
1392
01:15:29,369 --> 01:15:32,990
♪ Show the world how much you care ♪
1393
01:15:32,990 --> 01:15:37,083
♪ Spank me, Oprah,
you'll thank me, Oprah ♪
1394
01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:40,916
♪ I wanna be a ga-billionaire ♪
1395
01:15:43,310 --> 01:15:45,915
(frenetic music)
1396
01:15:45,915 --> 01:15:48,801
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Selling more and more ♪
1397
01:15:48,801 --> 01:15:50,571
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ I'll be your ♪
1398
01:15:50,571 --> 01:15:51,795
♪ Book selling whore ♪
1399
01:15:51,795 --> 01:15:54,457
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Better than your usual crap ♪
1400
01:15:54,457 --> 01:15:57,510
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Marketable handicap ♪
1401
01:15:57,510 --> 01:16:00,342
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Show the world you care ♪
1402
01:16:00,342 --> 01:16:03,422
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Make me a ga-billion ♪
1403
01:16:03,422 --> 01:16:07,255
♪ Ga-zillion, ga-trillionaire ♪
1404
01:16:08,125 --> 01:16:11,104
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
- Go get 'em girl!
1405
01:16:11,104 --> 01:16:13,929
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
1406
01:16:13,929 --> 01:16:16,761
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
- Everybody gets a car!
1407
01:16:16,761 --> 01:16:21,261
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
- You don't get a car!
1408
01:16:28,369 --> 01:16:30,536
♪ O-Oprah ♪
1409
01:16:34,161 --> 01:16:38,050
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1410
01:16:38,050 --> 01:16:39,725
♪ Whoo ♪
1411
01:16:39,725 --> 01:16:41,153
♪ Whoo ♪
1412
01:16:41,153 --> 01:16:44,903
♪ Whoo, whoops, whoops, dang ♪
1413
01:16:48,794 --> 01:16:51,627
(Sarah chuckling)
1414
01:16:55,046 --> 01:16:56,543
- [Toxie] Sarah I'm done in the shower!
1415
01:16:56,543 --> 01:16:59,626
- Oh!
(Toxie sighing)
1416
01:17:02,114 --> 01:17:05,166
- (chuckles) Wow, are
we going out tonight?
1417
01:17:05,166 --> 01:17:08,726
- Well uh, actually I
thought we could just uh,
1418
01:17:08,726 --> 01:17:13,559
you know, stay in, and uh, uh, (yawns)...
1419
01:17:16,132 --> 01:17:18,554
- Sarah, you know I can't
get physical with you!
1420
01:17:18,554 --> 01:17:19,628
- Get physical?
1421
01:17:19,628 --> 01:17:21,489
You won't even let me feel your face!
1422
01:17:21,489 --> 01:17:24,678
- I'm just not ready!
- But it's been three weeks!
1423
01:17:24,678 --> 01:17:26,198
(audience snickering)
1424
01:17:26,198 --> 01:17:28,609
And I just finished my thinly disguised
1425
01:17:28,609 --> 01:17:30,945
memoir of our relationship!
1426
01:17:30,945 --> 01:17:32,588
Don't you find me attractive?
1427
01:17:32,588 --> 01:17:34,777
- You know I do!
- Well then what is it?
1428
01:17:34,777 --> 01:17:36,162
(mumbling)
1429
01:17:36,162 --> 01:17:37,580
- It's my...
- What?
1430
01:17:37,580 --> 01:17:39,830
(groaning)
1431
01:17:40,717 --> 01:17:44,472
Oh my gosh are you gay?
(audience chuckling)
1432
01:17:44,472 --> 01:17:47,503
Of course, you know, if you are,
1433
01:17:47,503 --> 01:17:49,750
that is, that is totally fine!
1434
01:17:49,750 --> 01:17:52,969
We can just be best friends and,
1435
01:17:52,969 --> 01:17:56,580
and watch (mumbles) together (weeps).
1436
01:17:56,580 --> 01:17:58,180
- Sarah, there is nothing I want more
1437
01:17:58,180 --> 01:18:00,140
than to share my body with you but,
1438
01:18:00,140 --> 01:18:02,820
(sneezing)
but, but...
1439
01:18:02,820 --> 01:18:04,653
- Blah blah blah look!
1440
01:18:05,689 --> 01:18:07,020
I'm gonna make lunch.
1441
01:18:07,020 --> 01:18:11,025
- [Mayor] Citizens of Tromaville,
this is your mayor dammit!
1442
01:18:11,025 --> 01:18:13,963
We are now under martial law, and you are
1443
01:18:13,963 --> 01:18:15,980
hereby ordered to bring all of your
1444
01:18:15,980 --> 01:18:17,687
bleach down to city hall!
1445
01:18:17,687 --> 01:18:19,910
- Bleach?
- This is a civic emergency!
1446
01:18:19,910 --> 01:18:21,580
- Oh god!
- I repeat,
1447
01:18:21,580 --> 01:18:24,080
bring down you fucking bleach!
1448
01:18:26,127 --> 01:18:27,700
- That was a strange announcement.
1449
01:18:27,700 --> 01:18:29,310
(audience chuckling)
- Sarah, I have to
1450
01:18:29,310 --> 01:18:33,063
leave right away!
- No, but I made French fries!
1451
01:18:33,063 --> 01:18:34,401
- Oh!
1452
01:18:34,401 --> 01:18:37,310
No, I have to leave
Tromaville, maybe forever!
1453
01:18:37,310 --> 01:18:38,961
- What, Toxie what's wrong?
1454
01:18:38,961 --> 01:18:40,270
- Oh I can't say.
- Well then I'm
1455
01:18:40,270 --> 01:18:41,710
going with you!
- You can't!
1456
01:18:41,710 --> 01:18:42,809
- I can!
- You can't!
1457
01:18:42,809 --> 01:18:44,249
- I can!
- It's too dangerous!
1458
01:18:44,249 --> 01:18:47,620
- I don't understand!
- You're too beautiful!
1459
01:18:47,620 --> 01:18:49,486
- Oh, yeah okay.
1460
01:18:49,486 --> 01:18:51,836
(audience chuckling)
1461
01:18:51,836 --> 01:18:53,828
- Oh, I have to leave right now!
1462
01:18:53,828 --> 01:18:55,837
(siren wailing)
- No, no Toxie wait!
1463
01:18:55,837 --> 01:18:58,356
The least you could do is give me a kiss!
1464
01:18:58,356 --> 01:19:01,106
Our first and last kiss together!
1465
01:19:02,836 --> 01:19:03,836
- I'm sorry!
1466
01:19:05,369 --> 01:19:06,702
- What, Toxie...
1467
01:19:07,985 --> 01:19:10,646
(rattling)
1468
01:19:10,646 --> 01:19:12,591
- [Sal] Door kick, bam!
1469
01:19:12,591 --> 01:19:14,236
- Woo, whoa!
- Na-na-na na-na-na!
1470
01:19:14,236 --> 01:19:15,730
Sal the cop!
1471
01:19:15,730 --> 01:19:17,142
- What?
(grunting)
1472
01:19:17,142 --> 01:19:20,590
- Fighting crime and he's
gonna catch the bad guy!
1473
01:19:20,590 --> 01:19:23,892
(audience laughing)
1474
01:19:23,892 --> 01:19:27,059
(audience applauding)
1475
01:19:30,961 --> 01:19:32,461
- For fuck's sake.
1476
01:19:33,580 --> 01:19:36,047
All right, I know he's here somewhere!
1477
01:19:36,047 --> 01:19:37,625
- I-I'm sorry, who's there?
1478
01:19:37,625 --> 01:19:39,492
- Mayor Belgoody, thanks for your vote.
1479
01:19:39,492 --> 01:19:42,782
And we're looking for
someone, someone dangerous.
1480
01:19:42,782 --> 01:19:44,172
Sal the cop?
- Huh?
1481
01:19:44,172 --> 01:19:46,910
- Find the killer!
(Sal snorting)
1482
01:19:46,910 --> 01:19:47,922
(audience snickering)
1483
01:19:47,922 --> 01:19:50,017
- No, hang on, there's a killer?
1484
01:19:50,017 --> 01:19:51,020
- That's right.
1485
01:19:51,020 --> 01:19:55,649
So tell me, has the sicko
been to visit you lately?
1486
01:19:55,649 --> 01:19:59,707
- No, just my friend, Toxie,
and he is not a killer!
1487
01:19:59,707 --> 01:20:02,838
- Oh, how naive are the handicapped.
1488
01:20:02,838 --> 01:20:04,366
- Oh you can say that...
- The freak was seen
1489
01:20:04,366 --> 01:20:07,517
going into your house!
- Toxie is no freak!
1490
01:20:07,517 --> 01:20:11,189
- Oh really, so tell me
have you felt his face?
1491
01:20:11,189 --> 01:20:12,382
- Oh...
- Oh.
1492
01:20:12,382 --> 01:20:13,840
- He's a little sensitive...
- He's a little
1493
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:15,761
sensitive...
- Kitchen door kick, bam!
1494
01:20:15,761 --> 01:20:17,189
- No don't kick the door!
(audience tittering)
1495
01:20:17,189 --> 01:20:19,246
- No sign of the killer freak in there!
1496
01:20:19,246 --> 01:20:22,251
- All right sister, you're
off the hook, this time!
1497
01:20:22,251 --> 01:20:27,251
But rest assured, I will find
and I will destroy the mutant!
1498
01:20:28,126 --> 01:20:29,579
- Yeah, okay, okay...
1499
01:20:29,579 --> 01:20:31,867
- Oh yeah, Sal the cop?
1500
01:20:31,867 --> 01:20:32,700
- Huh?
1501
01:20:32,700 --> 01:20:33,706
- Shoot something!
1502
01:20:33,706 --> 01:20:36,507
(Sal giggling)
- No please don't, please!
1503
01:20:36,507 --> 01:20:38,906
(gun firing)
1504
01:20:38,906 --> 01:20:41,197
(audience chuckling)
1505
01:20:41,197 --> 01:20:44,364
(audience applauding)
1506
01:20:46,747 --> 01:20:48,187
Mutant?
1507
01:20:48,187 --> 01:20:49,736
No!
1508
01:20:49,736 --> 01:20:50,903
- Mutant, yes.
1509
01:20:51,929 --> 01:20:53,899
- Toxie, I thought you left?
1510
01:20:53,899 --> 01:20:56,187
- No, I just hid in the
kitchen and pretended to be
1511
01:20:56,187 --> 01:20:58,771
a large ugly plant, Sarah
listen we haven't got much time!
1512
01:20:58,771 --> 01:21:00,192
(audience chuckling)
- Toxie tell me you're not
1513
01:21:00,192 --> 01:21:02,449
some freakish mutant killer!
1514
01:21:02,449 --> 01:21:04,699
- Uh, I have killed people.
1515
01:21:05,600 --> 01:21:08,021
- Oh...
- But only evil doers,
1516
01:21:08,021 --> 01:21:10,400
who are polluting our planet!
1517
01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:14,567
And as for the mutant part,
I am, well, different.
1518
01:21:16,322 --> 01:21:19,531
Oh but if I weren't I
would ask you to marry me!
1519
01:21:19,531 --> 01:21:21,864
- Oh, Toxie, don't you know,
1520
01:21:23,192 --> 01:21:25,403
no difference of yours could ever change
1521
01:21:25,403 --> 01:21:27,486
the way I feel about you!
1522
01:21:31,176 --> 01:21:32,009
- Hey.
1523
01:21:35,029 --> 01:21:35,862
Hey!
1524
01:21:38,141 --> 01:21:40,224
Sarah, would you like t..
1525
01:21:42,048 --> 01:21:44,766
Would you like to feel my face?
1526
01:21:44,766 --> 01:21:45,739
- Really?
1527
01:21:45,739 --> 01:21:47,601
- Only if you promise, no judgments!
1528
01:21:47,601 --> 01:21:50,526
- My darling Toxie, I promise!
1529
01:21:50,526 --> 01:21:51,953
(tender music)
1530
01:21:51,953 --> 01:21:53,536
No judgements ever.
1531
01:21:58,059 --> 01:22:03,059
♪ You make me combust ♪
1532
01:22:03,128 --> 01:22:07,797
♪ With chemical lust ♪
1533
01:22:07,797 --> 01:22:12,797
♪ Now don't be scared of ♪
1534
01:22:13,037 --> 01:22:16,016
♪ My hot toxic ♪
1535
01:22:16,016 --> 01:22:18,349
♪ Hot toxic ♪
1536
01:22:28,528 --> 01:22:29,361
- Ha...
1537
01:22:33,253 --> 01:22:35,170
- Uh, uh, uh, ah, ah...
1538
01:22:36,325 --> 01:22:38,203
- What is that right below your cheek?
1539
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:39,316
- That would be me left eyeball!
1540
01:22:39,316 --> 01:22:40,983
- Oh, ooh, and this?
1541
01:22:42,517 --> 01:22:46,082
- I'm not really sure, just
an oozing sort of something.
1542
01:22:46,082 --> 01:22:47,165
- Oh my gosh!
1543
01:22:48,237 --> 01:22:50,656
- Sarah, I was thrown
into a vat of toxic goo
1544
01:22:50,656 --> 01:22:51,512
by the town bullies!
1545
01:22:51,512 --> 01:22:52,387
- Okay.
- It was right before
1546
01:22:52,387 --> 01:22:53,803
they tried to attack you!
- Right!
1547
01:22:53,803 --> 01:22:55,437
- And I'm not really Toxie!
1548
01:22:55,437 --> 01:22:57,523
I'm Melvin Ferd III!
1549
01:22:57,523 --> 01:22:58,523
- You are...
1550
01:23:00,243 --> 01:23:02,410
Melvin?
- Me, Melvin, yeah.
1551
01:23:05,683 --> 01:23:08,147
- Oh.
- Look, I know I should have
1552
01:23:08,147 --> 01:23:09,923
told you sooner but...
1553
01:23:09,923 --> 01:23:11,827
Oh Sarah, feel my heart!
1554
01:23:11,827 --> 01:23:13,221
It's a human heart and it loves you more
1555
01:23:13,221 --> 01:23:15,017
than any human heart
has ever loved anyone.
1556
01:23:15,017 --> 01:23:16,281
- You know what?
1557
01:23:16,281 --> 01:23:17,745
You know what, maybe we should consider
1558
01:23:17,745 --> 01:23:19,842
spending some time apart.
1559
01:23:19,842 --> 01:23:21,711
- Are you breaking up with me?
1560
01:23:21,711 --> 01:23:24,673
- Well I'm just saying
we should, you know,
1561
01:23:24,673 --> 01:23:27,696
take things slow and--
(Toxie roaring)
1562
01:23:27,696 --> 01:23:29,613
Oh, no I'm sorry Toxie!
1563
01:23:30,475 --> 01:23:33,454
Or Melvin, or whoever you are!
1564
01:23:33,454 --> 01:23:34,287
I can't!
1565
01:23:35,763 --> 01:23:37,625
I just can't.
1566
01:23:37,625 --> 01:23:40,375
(dramatic music)
1567
01:23:44,037 --> 01:23:47,482
♪ Didn't you make a promise ♪
1568
01:23:47,482 --> 01:23:51,580
♪ To love me as I am ♪
1569
01:23:51,580 --> 01:23:55,059
♪ And didn't you make a promise ♪
1570
01:23:55,059 --> 01:23:57,129
♪ You wouldn't give a damn ♪
1571
01:23:57,129 --> 01:23:58,899
- Yo, you dirty monster!
1572
01:23:58,899 --> 01:24:01,579
What?
(Toxie roaring)
1573
01:24:01,579 --> 01:24:02,412
Gotta go!
1574
01:24:04,146 --> 01:24:06,387
♪ I also made a promise ♪
1575
01:24:06,387 --> 01:24:10,446
♪ To never hurt a fly ♪
1576
01:24:10,446 --> 01:24:12,870
♪ But since you broke your promise ♪
1577
01:24:12,870 --> 01:24:15,697
♪ It's time that I broke mine ♪
1578
01:24:15,697 --> 01:24:20,697
(bird chirping)
(sweet music)
1579
01:24:21,350 --> 01:24:26,350
(dramatic music)
(grunting)
1580
01:24:29,564 --> 01:24:31,814
(sniffing)
1581
01:24:35,554 --> 01:24:37,471
- Oh, hello there dear!
1582
01:24:39,247 --> 01:24:41,873
You must be that nice monster
1583
01:24:41,873 --> 01:24:44,500
I've heard so much talk about!
1584
01:24:44,500 --> 01:24:46,500
My name is Edna Ferbert.
1585
01:24:47,540 --> 01:24:50,490
Hey, I was wondering, would you mind
1586
01:24:50,490 --> 01:24:53,860
helping me sort my recyclables?
1587
01:24:53,860 --> 01:24:55,770
The recycling plant is just
(sniffing)
1588
01:24:55,770 --> 01:24:59,311
so far away you see, I find these silos
1589
01:24:59,311 --> 01:25:02,450
of toxic goo, much more convenient!
1590
01:25:02,450 --> 01:25:05,117
(giggling)
Whoo!
1591
01:25:07,118 --> 01:25:09,118
Well what have we got...
1592
01:25:10,330 --> 01:25:15,330
(dramatic music)
(screaming)
1593
01:25:29,079 --> 01:25:31,868
(audience snickering)
- Oh Janet, what shall we do
1594
01:25:31,868 --> 01:25:33,822
for our one month anniversary?
1595
01:25:33,822 --> 01:25:37,239
- Oh Brad, why don't we go see a musical?
1596
01:25:38,450 --> 01:25:40,119
A musical based on a movie that
1597
01:25:40,119 --> 01:25:42,250
most people watched when they were stoned.
1598
01:25:42,250 --> 01:25:45,457
(giggling)
(audience chuckling)
1599
01:25:45,457 --> 01:25:47,330
Brad?
- Janet!
1600
01:25:47,330 --> 01:25:48,256
- Brad!
1601
01:25:48,256 --> 01:25:49,297
- Janet!
- Dammit!
1602
01:25:49,297 --> 01:25:50,330
- Janet!
- Dammit!
1603
01:25:50,330 --> 01:25:51,163
- Janet...
1604
01:25:53,471 --> 01:25:57,198
- No no no no no no no no no no no no!
1605
01:25:57,198 --> 01:26:00,190
(grunting)
1606
01:26:00,190 --> 01:26:02,241
- Oh what have I done?
1607
01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:03,074
Leave!
1608
01:26:05,939 --> 01:26:07,796
I said leave!
- Oh my god!
1609
01:26:07,796 --> 01:26:10,546
(dramatic music)
1610
01:26:12,593 --> 01:26:15,343
(poignant music)
1611
01:26:18,473 --> 01:26:22,015
♪ You tore my heart out ♪
1612
01:26:22,015 --> 01:26:26,055
♪ My human heart out ♪
1613
01:26:26,055 --> 01:26:31,055
♪ You ripped it from the bone ♪
1614
01:26:32,417 --> 01:26:36,026
♪ You left a hole there ♪
1615
01:26:36,026 --> 01:26:40,229
♪ A burning hole there ♪
1616
01:26:40,229 --> 01:26:43,812
♪ An ache I've never known ♪
1617
01:26:46,709 --> 01:26:50,640
♪ I've torn some arms off ♪
(audience chuckling)
1618
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:54,260
♪ I've torn some heads off ♪
1619
01:26:54,260 --> 01:26:59,260
♪ I've behaved quite violently ♪
1620
01:27:01,077 --> 01:27:04,768
♪ But that despair now ♪
1621
01:27:04,768 --> 01:27:08,868
♪ Cannot compare now ♪
1622
01:27:08,868 --> 01:27:13,868
♪ To what you've done to me ♪
1623
01:27:16,128 --> 01:27:21,128
♪ You, you ♪
1624
01:27:22,029 --> 01:27:27,029
♪ Tore my heart out ♪
1625
01:27:31,481 --> 01:27:36,481
♪ I thought you could see ♪
1626
01:27:37,735 --> 01:27:42,735
♪ The simple person in me ♪
1627
01:27:44,229 --> 01:27:49,229
♪ I thought you saw my truth within ♪
1628
01:27:50,357 --> 01:27:53,437
♪ It's me against the world ♪
1629
01:27:53,437 --> 01:27:58,437
♪ And it looks like the
world is gonna win ♪
1630
01:28:02,928 --> 01:28:06,317
♪ And so I end here ♪
1631
01:28:06,317 --> 01:28:10,128
♪ As I began here ♪
1632
01:28:10,128 --> 01:28:15,128
♪ A soul who's hard to love ♪
1633
01:28:15,848 --> 01:28:19,107
♪ It's kind of funny ♪
1634
01:28:19,107 --> 01:28:22,197
♪ But for a moment ♪
1635
01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:27,197
♪ I was the man who you dreamed of ♪
1636
01:28:30,296 --> 01:28:35,296
♪ Now that dream has died ♪
1637
01:28:36,837 --> 01:28:41,837
♪ So how can I stay ♪
1638
01:28:42,952 --> 01:28:47,847
♪ I guess I'll have to save the world ♪
1639
01:28:47,847 --> 01:28:52,847
♪ Some other way ♪
1640
01:28:57,496 --> 01:29:01,528
♪ I wish you well now ♪
1641
01:29:01,528 --> 01:29:05,576
♪ I understand now ♪
1642
01:29:05,576 --> 01:29:10,576
♪ You did what you had to ♪
1643
01:29:12,376 --> 01:29:16,243
♪ You tore my heart out ♪
1644
01:29:16,243 --> 01:29:20,019
♪ My human heart out ♪
1645
01:29:20,019 --> 01:29:25,019
♪ And that's the worst
thing you could do ♪
1646
01:29:29,488 --> 01:29:34,299
♪ And that's the worst thing ♪
1647
01:29:34,299 --> 01:29:36,882
♪ You could do ♪
1648
01:29:43,905 --> 01:29:48,905
(audience applauding)
(audience cheering)
1649
01:29:54,214 --> 01:29:56,797
(tender music)
1650
01:29:59,559 --> 01:30:01,726
(weeping)
1651
01:30:06,930 --> 01:30:08,680
(audience tittering)
1652
01:30:08,680 --> 01:30:11,347
♪ He tore her heart out ♪
1653
01:30:11,347 --> 01:30:14,431
- Yeah he did.
- That son of a bitch!
1654
01:30:14,431 --> 01:30:16,871
♪ Tore her heart out ♪
1655
01:30:16,871 --> 01:30:20,391
♪ And now she wants to die ♪
1656
01:30:20,391 --> 01:30:23,022
No more...
- Mmm hmm mm...
1657
01:30:23,022 --> 01:30:25,881
- I knew he wasn't French!
1658
01:30:25,881 --> 01:30:28,707
I knew it, you know just
the way you described him,
1659
01:30:28,707 --> 01:30:31,692
all big and burly (whinnies)!
1660
01:30:31,692 --> 01:30:33,125
- Eh, uh-uh.
1661
01:30:33,125 --> 01:30:33,958
- What?
1662
01:30:33,958 --> 01:30:35,738
Don't you go looking at me with those
1663
01:30:35,738 --> 01:30:38,658
Judge Judy eyes, Dianne, uh-hmm...
1664
01:30:38,658 --> 01:30:41,229
Go back to your lesbionic folk singing,
1665
01:30:41,229 --> 01:30:44,230
because I know, what I know!
(audience chuckling)
1666
01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:46,389
And I don't care if he got super-strength,
1667
01:30:46,389 --> 01:30:49,429
when I see him, he gonna get a whuppin!
1668
01:30:49,429 --> 01:30:51,240
Telling you he's a freak!
1669
01:30:51,240 --> 01:30:54,490
Mmm child, we all got issues!
1670
01:30:54,490 --> 01:30:58,365
You know, I dated this Puerto
Rican from Dominica once,
1671
01:30:58,365 --> 01:31:00,198
six toes on each foot!
1672
01:31:01,769 --> 01:31:04,289
We all got issues!
(audience snickering)
1673
01:31:04,289 --> 01:31:05,122
Oh you want another
1674
01:31:05,122 --> 01:31:07,018
frap-a-mocha-pumpkin-chino?
1675
01:31:07,018 --> 01:31:08,085
Oh you're good.
(Sarah weeping)
1676
01:31:08,085 --> 01:31:10,105
- Oh, um, excuse me!
1677
01:31:10,105 --> 01:31:14,360
Um, I'm Eunice Ferd,
mother of Melvin Ferd?
1678
01:31:14,360 --> 01:31:18,642
Who I wanted to be a lawyer,
but now he's a mutant freak?
1679
01:31:18,642 --> 01:31:21,416
You're the blind librarian my
son's in love with aren't you?
1680
01:31:21,416 --> 01:31:22,787
- Uh, how did you find me?
1681
01:31:22,787 --> 01:31:26,922
- I got a call from your
friend, Shinandadoa.
1682
01:31:26,922 --> 01:31:31,005
- Shiniqua!
(audience snickering)
1683
01:31:32,962 --> 01:31:37,962
- Sweetheart, you have got
to stop crying and man-up!
1684
01:31:38,210 --> 01:31:41,008
My son, he's on a rampage!
1685
01:31:41,008 --> 01:31:42,605
He killed a senior citizen!
1686
01:31:42,605 --> 01:31:43,438
- Who?
- What?
1687
01:31:43,438 --> 01:31:45,538
- Senior citizen?
1688
01:31:45,538 --> 01:31:47,600
Was she almost dead anyway, hmm?
1689
01:31:47,600 --> 01:31:49,093
(audience chuckling)
- No!
1690
01:31:49,093 --> 01:31:51,349
- Poor child!
- Then it's all
1691
01:31:51,349 --> 01:31:52,790
because of me!
1692
01:31:52,790 --> 01:31:54,670
- And that's what I feared, and you're the
1693
01:31:54,670 --> 01:31:56,459
only one who can stop him!
1694
01:31:56,459 --> 01:31:58,630
- No, no I can't, I
felt his face, and then
1695
01:31:58,630 --> 01:32:00,485
he told me that I--
- Honey, his father's face
1696
01:32:00,485 --> 01:32:03,583
wasn't much different and
he wasn't even a mutant!
1697
01:32:03,583 --> 01:32:05,166
- Hmm, I hear that!
1698
01:32:06,100 --> 01:32:08,872
- Been there, been there!
1699
01:32:08,872 --> 01:32:11,955
(audience chuckling)
1700
01:32:14,271 --> 01:32:18,171
- But how can I love a man like Melvin?
1701
01:32:18,171 --> 01:32:19,254
- Oh my dear!
1702
01:32:20,373 --> 01:32:25,011
If blind people don't love
ugly people, then who will?
1703
01:32:25,011 --> 01:32:26,108
(audience snickering)
1704
01:32:26,108 --> 01:32:29,191
(perky music)
- What?
1705
01:32:31,124 --> 01:32:32,041
- Oh, here!
1706
01:32:33,116 --> 01:32:35,646
♪ It's a burden every woman shares ♪
1707
01:32:35,646 --> 01:32:39,735
♪ As she travels down life's road ♪
1708
01:32:39,735 --> 01:32:42,618
♪ She dreams of meeting
a handsome prince ♪
1709
01:32:42,618 --> 01:32:44,853
♪ But all she meets are toads ♪
1710
01:32:44,853 --> 01:32:46,696
♪ They're all toads ♪
1711
01:32:46,696 --> 01:32:49,072
♪ It's been true since the dawn of time ♪
1712
01:32:49,072 --> 01:32:52,880
♪ From the Romans to the Greeks ♪
1713
01:32:52,880 --> 01:32:57,393
♪ Honey, face it, all men are freaks ♪
1714
01:32:57,393 --> 01:32:59,403
(audience chuckling)
Come on!
1715
01:32:59,403 --> 01:33:04,403
♪ Sister, face it, all men are freaks ♪
1716
01:33:06,564 --> 01:33:09,182
♪ I've had my share of men before ♪
1717
01:33:09,182 --> 01:33:12,199
♪ Yeah I've been in many beds ♪
1718
01:33:12,199 --> 01:33:13,440
♪ Yours ♪
♪ Hoo-hoo ♪
1719
01:33:13,440 --> 01:33:15,932
♪ I've felt their lumpy bodies girl ♪
1720
01:33:15,932 --> 01:33:19,412
♪ And I've rubbed all their bald heads ♪
1721
01:33:19,412 --> 01:33:21,337
♪ Me too ♪
♪ They have things hanging ♪
1722
01:33:21,337 --> 01:33:22,678
♪ Off of them ♪
1723
01:33:22,678 --> 01:33:26,641
♪ They have hair on all their cheeks ♪
1724
01:33:26,641 --> 01:33:31,141
♪ Honey, grow up, all men are freaks ♪
1725
01:33:32,397 --> 01:33:33,771
- Let's go find some.
1726
01:33:33,771 --> 01:33:36,452
♪ Find kindness in your female heart ♪
1727
01:33:36,452 --> 01:33:40,639
♪ No need to act superior ♪
1728
01:33:40,639 --> 01:33:43,339
♪ Men need a lot of therapy ♪
1729
01:33:43,339 --> 01:33:46,281
♪ Because they were born inferior ♪
1730
01:33:46,281 --> 01:33:49,763
♪ Inferior ♪
♪ So spread a little charity ♪
1731
01:33:49,763 --> 01:33:54,184
♪ For every Tom and Dick and Kenny ♪
1732
01:33:54,184 --> 01:33:57,095
♪ Somehow overlook the faults ♪
1733
01:33:57,095 --> 01:34:02,095
♪ Of which they all have many ♪
1734
01:34:04,462 --> 01:34:07,011
♪ It's a burden every woman shares ♪
1735
01:34:07,011 --> 01:34:09,761
♪ Be she mother, wife, or friend ♪
1736
01:34:09,761 --> 01:34:11,206
♪ Mother, wife or friend ♪
1737
01:34:11,206 --> 01:34:14,037
♪ The man she loves is no big prize ♪
1738
01:34:14,037 --> 01:34:18,062
♪ But still she must pretend ♪
1739
01:34:18,062 --> 01:34:21,016
♪ She must feed his ego every day ♪
1740
01:34:21,016 --> 01:34:23,888
♪ And hear the babble he speaks ♪
1741
01:34:23,888 --> 01:34:26,553
- Jibber-jabbar!
♪ Sisters, let's face it ♪
1742
01:34:26,553 --> 01:34:28,435
♪ All men are freaks ♪
1743
01:34:28,435 --> 01:34:31,323
♪ (mumbles) aching ass ♪
1744
01:34:31,323 --> 01:34:35,281
♪ Oh, gotta love your freak ♪
1745
01:34:35,281 --> 01:34:38,241
♪ I love my freaky freak ♪
1746
01:34:38,241 --> 01:34:42,425
♪ Oh, go find your freak ♪
1747
01:34:42,425 --> 01:34:45,172
♪ I would if I could only see ♪
1748
01:34:45,172 --> 01:34:48,786
♪ Ooo, ooo we'll go find your freak ♪
1749
01:34:48,786 --> 01:34:51,950
♪ Go find my find my freak ♪
1750
01:34:51,950 --> 01:34:56,614
♪ Oh, gonna save my ♪
1751
01:34:56,614 --> 01:35:01,314
♪ Oh, gotta save my ♪
1752
01:35:01,314 --> 01:35:04,231
♪ Oh, my beautiful ♪
1753
01:35:13,569 --> 01:35:15,569
♪ Freak ♪
1754
01:35:19,219 --> 01:35:24,219
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1755
01:35:26,731 --> 01:35:29,981
- Okay...
(tense music)
1756
01:35:31,798 --> 01:35:33,871
- [Narrator] And so, as the terrified
1757
01:35:33,871 --> 01:35:35,118
- Fuck!
- public hides from the
1758
01:35:35,118 --> 01:35:37,097
- Oh, oh yeah!
- rampaging monster, and
1759
01:35:37,097 --> 01:35:40,753
as the actors make a
difficult costume change,
1760
01:35:40,753 --> 01:35:44,713
we focus on our mayor,
who stands on her perch,
1761
01:35:44,713 --> 01:35:47,001
and gazes over all of you,
1762
01:35:47,001 --> 01:35:50,532
her simple-minded pathetic minions!
1763
01:35:50,532 --> 01:35:53,032
And then she lets out a laugh.
1764
01:35:54,143 --> 01:35:55,388
(laughing)
1765
01:35:55,388 --> 01:35:57,212
But it is a silent laugh
1766
01:35:57,212 --> 01:36:01,858
(audience chuckling)
that no one else can hear.
1767
01:36:01,858 --> 01:36:04,161
And then, calling upon the two people
1768
01:36:04,161 --> 01:36:06,572
she loves most in the world,
1769
01:36:06,572 --> 01:36:10,905
Theresa May and Donald
Trump, she reckons for blood!
1770
01:36:12,193 --> 01:36:16,443
- All right, listen to me
all of you Tromovillians,
1771
01:36:18,353 --> 01:36:21,603
Tromofilites, Tromaviolins, oh fuck it.
1772
01:36:23,942 --> 01:36:26,241
People who live in Tromaville!
1773
01:36:26,241 --> 01:36:27,883
(shouting)
- And we're
1774
01:36:27,883 --> 01:36:30,115
- We're a mob!
- generic mob voices!
1775
01:36:30,115 --> 01:36:31,193
(grunting)
(audience chuckling)
1776
01:36:31,193 --> 01:36:33,293
- Our worst nightmare has come true!
1777
01:36:33,293 --> 01:36:35,654
- Oh my god, we're
getting another Starbucks!
1778
01:36:35,654 --> 01:36:36,884
(groaning)
- No!
1779
01:36:36,884 --> 01:36:38,663
The monster is on a rampage,
1780
01:36:38,663 --> 01:36:40,484
he killed a senior citizen!
1781
01:36:40,484 --> 01:36:42,023
- Not a senior citizen!
1782
01:36:42,023 --> 01:36:43,865
- Was she almost dead anyway?
1783
01:36:43,865 --> 01:36:47,499
- You, no, so, citizens of Tromaville,
1784
01:36:47,499 --> 01:36:50,302
(patriotic music)
we must form a lynch mob!
1785
01:36:50,302 --> 01:36:52,124
- Lynch mob!
- Yay!
1786
01:36:52,124 --> 01:36:55,461
- A frenzied, blood thirsty lynch mob
1787
01:36:55,461 --> 01:36:58,331
that doesn't care about
stupid things like laws!
1788
01:36:58,331 --> 01:37:00,353
- [Mob] No stupid laws, yay!
1789
01:37:00,353 --> 01:37:03,848
- A lynch mob hopped up
on moral righteousness,
1790
01:37:03,848 --> 01:37:05,597
and malt liquor!
1791
01:37:05,597 --> 01:37:08,128
- Moral righteousness!
- Malt liquor!
1792
01:37:08,128 --> 01:37:09,128
- [Mob] Yay!
1793
01:37:09,992 --> 01:37:11,627
♪ Hunt him down like a squirrel ♪
1794
01:37:11,627 --> 01:37:13,419
♪ Be a man not a girl ♪
1795
01:37:13,419 --> 01:37:15,008
♪ There'll be blood, there'll be pain ♪
1796
01:37:15,008 --> 01:37:16,392
♪ This is war ♪
1797
01:37:16,392 --> 01:37:17,784
(grunting)
♪ We haven't seen such ♪
1798
01:37:17,784 --> 01:37:20,189
♪ A magilla since Mothra met Godzilla ♪
1799
01:37:20,189 --> 01:37:24,387
♪ He's as green and crazy as a (mumbles) ♪
1800
01:37:24,387 --> 01:37:26,691
♪ Wake the town, go door to door ♪
1801
01:37:26,691 --> 01:37:29,467
♪ Get your neighbors out of bed ♪
1802
01:37:29,467 --> 01:37:31,967
(mumbling)
♪ They'll be pissed ♪
1803
01:37:31,967 --> 01:37:36,059
♪ But persist, don't stop
till the monster's dead ♪
1804
01:37:36,059 --> 01:37:40,115
(mumbling)
♪ Till the monster is dead ♪
1805
01:37:40,115 --> 01:37:42,490
♪ We have the girlfriend set ♪
1806
01:37:42,490 --> 01:37:45,701
♪ Won't stop till the monster's dead ♪
1807
01:37:45,701 --> 01:37:47,261
(grunting)
1808
01:37:47,261 --> 01:37:49,749
♪ We'll thrust him down on
the ground and we'll pound ♪
1809
01:37:49,749 --> 01:37:53,162
♪ And we'll pound, yes
we'll go all the way ♪
1810
01:37:53,162 --> 01:37:54,860
♪ Sounded gay ♪
♪ But I'm not ♪
1811
01:37:54,860 --> 01:37:57,330
♪ What the heck, we're
as nutty as Glen Beck ♪
1812
01:37:57,330 --> 01:38:01,595
♪ And members of the NRA ♪
- Go USA!
1813
01:38:01,595 --> 01:38:04,020
♪ Text you wife, you'll be home late ♪
1814
01:38:04,020 --> 01:38:06,780
♪ Oh I can't forget the bread ♪
1815
01:38:06,780 --> 01:38:10,359
♪ No, you're a man who's got a date ♪
1816
01:38:10,359 --> 01:38:13,604
♪ To kill that monster dead ♪
1817
01:38:13,604 --> 01:38:14,442
♪ Dead ♪
1818
01:38:14,442 --> 01:38:17,192
(poignant music)
1819
01:38:19,240 --> 01:38:20,780
(audience chuckling)
1820
01:38:20,780 --> 01:38:23,738
♪ Finally it's him or me ♪
1821
01:38:23,738 --> 01:38:26,914
♪ Glory calls my name ♪
1822
01:38:26,914 --> 01:38:30,332
(gun firing)
♪ Could this be my destiny ♪
1823
01:38:30,332 --> 01:38:33,422
♪ To be God's favorite dame ♪
1824
01:38:33,422 --> 01:38:36,622
♪ It's a game for all the ages ♪
1825
01:38:36,622 --> 01:38:39,727
♪ Hear the angels softly weep ♪
1826
01:38:39,727 --> 01:38:43,124
♪ I got a mob to do the job ♪
1827
01:38:43,124 --> 01:38:48,124
♪ And in Jersey life is cheap ♪
1828
01:38:48,183 --> 01:38:51,194
♪ Get your pitchfork and hoes ♪
1829
01:38:51,194 --> 01:38:54,503
♪ No, hoes like these, not like those ♪
1830
01:38:54,503 --> 01:38:55,589
(audience chuckling)
- Oh I'm so sorry honey!
1831
01:38:55,589 --> 01:38:56,997
I'm sorry!
♪ Don't stop ♪
1832
01:38:56,997 --> 01:38:57,998
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1833
01:38:57,998 --> 01:39:00,938
♪ There she was, old and weak ♪
1834
01:39:00,938 --> 01:39:04,168
♪ And I killed her cold ♪
1835
01:39:04,168 --> 01:39:09,168
♪ I am but a mutant freak
who cannot be controlled ♪
1836
01:39:10,538 --> 01:39:13,818
♪ Toxie run, they're on your trail ♪
1837
01:39:13,818 --> 01:39:17,077
♪ Please be fleet of foot ♪
1838
01:39:17,077 --> 01:39:22,077
♪ Tromaville is burning,
it's about to go kapoot ♪
1839
01:39:24,742 --> 01:39:28,453
♪ Don't stop till he's dead ♪
1840
01:39:28,453 --> 01:39:31,469
♪ Till the monster's dead ♪
1841
01:39:31,469 --> 01:39:34,829
♪ To (mumbles) ♪
1842
01:39:34,829 --> 01:39:36,928
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1843
01:39:36,928 --> 01:39:39,302
♪ Tore my heart out ♪
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1844
01:39:39,302 --> 01:39:41,237
♪ My human heart out ♪
1845
01:39:41,237 --> 01:39:42,787
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1846
01:39:42,787 --> 01:39:45,037
(mumbling)
1847
01:39:48,093 --> 01:39:50,216
♪ Won't stop till the monster's ♪
1848
01:39:50,216 --> 01:39:51,706
♪ Kill the monster ♪
1849
01:39:51,706 --> 01:39:54,606
♪ Till the monster's dead ♪
1850
01:39:54,606 --> 01:39:58,689
(energetic music)
- Toxie, Toxie!
1851
01:39:59,936 --> 01:40:02,603
(Toxie roaring)
1852
01:40:04,131 --> 01:40:06,881
- Kill the beast, kill the beast!
1853
01:40:13,016 --> 01:40:15,266
(cackling)
1854
01:40:19,176 --> 01:40:24,176
(cow mooing)
(audience tittering)
1855
01:40:25,142 --> 01:40:26,309
- Toxie, Tox--
1856
01:40:29,606 --> 01:40:33,437
(audience snickering)
Ah, son of a bitch!
1857
01:40:33,437 --> 01:40:36,937
All right, okay, ah shit, right, ah, oh...
1858
01:40:39,083 --> 01:40:40,107
- [Toxie] Hey you all right?
1859
01:40:40,107 --> 01:40:40,955
- Yeah.
- Here let me get your stick.
1860
01:40:40,955 --> 01:40:44,930
- No fine, no no no no no
don't touch my stuff please!
1861
01:40:44,930 --> 01:40:45,860
(chuckling)
1862
01:40:45,860 --> 01:40:50,365
I'm sorry, sorry, I'm a
self-sufficient person and I,
1863
01:40:50,365 --> 01:40:53,589
and I can uh, I can find my own shit,
1864
01:40:53,589 --> 01:40:54,757
I can find my own shit.
- Okay.
1865
01:40:54,757 --> 01:40:55,738
(audience chuckling)
1866
01:40:55,738 --> 01:40:57,197
- [Sarah] It's okay,
feel the floor (mumbles).
1867
01:40:57,197 --> 01:40:58,317
- Look you're not really close right now.
1868
01:40:58,317 --> 01:40:59,527
- Is she okay?
- It's okay, she's all right,
1869
01:40:59,527 --> 01:41:00,469
she's fine, just fell over dropped
1870
01:41:00,469 --> 01:41:01,479
her stick again.
- Sorry, sorry, I know,
1871
01:41:01,479 --> 01:41:02,589
- I'll be one second,
- Is she all right?
1872
01:41:02,589 --> 01:41:03,561
- Yeah yeah she's fine.
- we were, were on
1873
01:41:03,561 --> 01:41:05,479
(mumbling)
(audience laughing)
1874
01:41:05,479 --> 01:41:07,768
- But more like, yeah, no
stop stop stop stop stop,
1875
01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:10,208
you're closer now, no, now
like back up a little bit.
1876
01:41:10,208 --> 01:41:13,040
- (mumbles), bend back a little bit?
1877
01:41:13,040 --> 01:41:13,873
- Shoot.
1878
01:41:14,880 --> 01:41:16,996
♪ She's beauty and she's grace ♪
1879
01:41:16,996 --> 01:41:21,996
(audience chuckling)
(audience applauding)
1880
01:41:23,568 --> 01:41:27,182
- This is, this is my job (chuckles).
1881
01:41:27,182 --> 01:41:29,175
I have to do this eight times a week.
1882
01:41:29,175 --> 01:41:30,607
(audience chuckling)
1883
01:41:30,607 --> 01:41:32,146
Come to the west end they said,
1884
01:41:32,146 --> 01:41:34,781
you'll have fucking fun they said.
1885
01:41:34,781 --> 01:41:36,606
You'll get to roll around on the floor,
1886
01:41:36,606 --> 01:41:38,536
this was not in the contract.
1887
01:41:38,536 --> 01:41:43,536
- It's next to your right...
(audience chuckling)
1888
01:41:44,367 --> 01:41:47,397
- Oh my god, thank god
they're not filming.
1889
01:41:47,397 --> 01:41:49,095
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
1890
01:41:49,095 --> 01:41:51,345
(mumbling)
1891
01:41:53,663 --> 01:41:55,644
(whistling)
1892
01:41:55,644 --> 01:41:57,635
Did someone just whistle my vagina?
1893
01:41:57,635 --> 01:42:00,191
(audience laughing)
1894
01:42:00,191 --> 01:42:01,716
- I think it did it itself.
1895
01:42:01,716 --> 01:42:05,546
(Sarah laughing)
(audience applauding)
1896
01:42:05,546 --> 01:42:06,773
(whistling)
Okay come on let's
1897
01:42:06,773 --> 01:42:08,376
get this going, come on team!
1898
01:42:08,376 --> 01:42:09,209
Let's go!
1899
01:42:09,209 --> 01:42:11,261
(shouting)
Left hand (gibbers)!
1900
01:42:11,261 --> 01:42:12,094
Yes, yes!
1901
01:42:12,094 --> 01:42:14,656
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1902
01:42:14,656 --> 01:42:17,816
(energetic music)
1903
01:42:17,816 --> 01:42:22,081
♪ When I (mumbles) I'm
gonna get (mumbles) ♪
1904
01:42:22,081 --> 01:42:27,081
♪ Melvin, trouble from the
day he was born, Melvin ♪
1905
01:42:27,515 --> 01:42:30,265
(dramatic music)
1906
01:42:34,873 --> 01:42:35,706
- Sarah!
1907
01:42:44,077 --> 01:42:45,964
(cheerful folk music)
(audience cheering)
1908
01:42:45,964 --> 01:42:47,294
♪ And so the chase is on ♪
1909
01:42:47,294 --> 01:42:49,594
♪ But will they catch the freak ♪
1910
01:42:49,594 --> 01:42:52,465
♪ Looks like the big green
guy could be up shit's creek ♪
1911
01:42:52,465 --> 01:42:54,024
♪ Will she catch him ♪
1912
01:42:54,024 --> 01:42:56,018
♪ No she won't catch him ♪
1913
01:42:56,018 --> 01:42:57,643
♪ Will she catch him ♪
1914
01:42:57,643 --> 01:42:59,089
♪ No she won't catch him ♪
- Toxie!
1915
01:42:59,089 --> 01:43:01,244
Toxie!
♪ By god she caught him ♪
1916
01:43:01,244 --> 01:43:03,263
♪ But she didn't catch him ♪
1917
01:43:03,263 --> 01:43:04,113
♪ Yes she did ♪
1918
01:43:04,113 --> 01:43:05,258
♪ No she didn't ♪
1919
01:43:05,258 --> 01:43:06,091
♪ Yes she did ♪
1920
01:43:06,091 --> 01:43:06,924
♪ No she didn't ♪
1921
01:43:06,924 --> 01:43:08,505
♪ You just missed him, come and get him ♪
1922
01:43:08,505 --> 01:43:10,380
♪ He's there now you can do it ♪
1923
01:43:10,380 --> 01:43:12,041
♪ If you want him, just believe in ♪
1924
01:43:12,041 --> 01:43:13,930
♪ Just believe it in your soul ♪
1925
01:43:13,930 --> 01:43:15,772
♪ You're the master of your own destiny ♪
1926
01:43:15,772 --> 01:43:17,401
♪ Tomorrow you can get it ♪
1927
01:43:17,401 --> 01:43:18,710
♪ We can reach the ♪
- Just,
1928
01:43:18,710 --> 01:43:20,825
(mumbling)
finish it!
1929
01:43:20,825 --> 01:43:23,169
♪ You can ♪
1930
01:43:23,169 --> 01:43:26,336
(audience snickering)
1931
01:43:31,361 --> 01:43:35,194
- Bitch.
(audience chuckling)
1932
01:43:40,201 --> 01:43:41,368
She caught it.
1933
01:43:48,580 --> 01:43:51,580
(audience cheering)
1934
01:43:53,590 --> 01:43:56,319
She caught the Toxic Avenger.
1935
01:43:56,319 --> 01:43:59,500
(dramatic music)
1936
01:43:59,500 --> 01:44:02,235
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1937
01:44:02,235 --> 01:44:04,830
- All right, say goodbye Sasquatch!
1938
01:44:04,830 --> 01:44:06,329
I got bleach!
1939
01:44:06,329 --> 01:44:09,318
- Go ahead, destroy me,
my reason to live is gone!
1940
01:44:09,318 --> 01:44:11,849
(Mayor whining)
But before I die,
1941
01:44:11,849 --> 01:44:13,769
this citizen of Tromaville
must know who owns
1942
01:44:13,769 --> 01:44:14,953
the Good Earth Corporation.
1943
01:44:14,953 --> 01:44:16,430
- That's enough out of you!
1944
01:44:16,430 --> 01:44:19,430
- All right, drop the bleach, bitch!
1945
01:44:20,563 --> 01:44:21,917
- Sarah!
- Stay out of this
1946
01:44:21,917 --> 01:44:24,427
you gullible handicapped person,
1947
01:44:24,427 --> 01:44:26,267
the creature must be destroyed!
1948
01:44:26,267 --> 01:44:28,299
- She's right, I killed
an innocent old lady!
1949
01:44:28,299 --> 01:44:30,247
- No, no there must be some mistake!
1950
01:44:30,247 --> 01:44:32,008
- There's no mistake, I deserve to die!
1951
01:44:32,008 --> 01:44:33,677
(Sarah mumbling)
1952
01:44:33,677 --> 01:44:37,635
(audience snickering)
1953
01:44:37,635 --> 01:44:38,587
- Oh my god my pants!
1954
01:44:38,587 --> 01:44:39,420
- I agree!
1955
01:44:40,456 --> 01:44:43,685
- Well, you'll have to
go through me first!
1956
01:44:43,685 --> 01:44:45,727
- Uh, that's not me sweetie!
1957
01:44:45,727 --> 01:44:47,115
- But feels real nice.
1958
01:44:47,115 --> 01:44:49,382
- Oh!
- This is for Edna Ferbert!
1959
01:44:49,382 --> 01:44:50,705
- Wait!
1960
01:44:50,705 --> 01:44:52,294
Edna Ferbert?
1961
01:44:52,294 --> 01:44:55,134
You killed Edna Ferbert?
- Whoo!
1962
01:44:55,134 --> 01:44:56,204
- Guilty.
1963
01:44:56,204 --> 01:44:58,825
- Well that is wonderful.
1964
01:44:58,825 --> 01:44:59,658
(gibbering)
1965
01:44:59,658 --> 01:45:00,849
- What?
- What the hell
1966
01:45:00,849 --> 01:45:02,240
are you talking about?
1967
01:45:02,240 --> 01:45:03,520
- I used to live next door to her
1968
01:45:03,520 --> 01:45:05,392
and she was not innocent at all!
1969
01:45:05,392 --> 01:45:06,701
- Well of course she was,
1970
01:45:06,701 --> 01:45:09,880
she was a little old lady,
and little old ladies
1971
01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:11,771
are innocent and adorable.
1972
01:45:11,771 --> 01:45:13,251
- Yes.
- Aww...
1973
01:45:13,251 --> 01:45:14,496
- Oh yeah?
1974
01:45:14,496 --> 01:45:17,110
Well, she was going deaf right?
1975
01:45:17,110 --> 01:45:18,990
And you know how hard
of hearing people talk
1976
01:45:18,990 --> 01:45:20,606
extra loud when they're on the phone?
1977
01:45:20,606 --> 01:45:21,740
- Oh!
- Oh that's so annoying!
1978
01:45:21,740 --> 01:45:22,573
- Drives me crazy!
- I hate that!
1979
01:45:22,573 --> 01:45:25,477
- I know, I know, so I
used to hear her talk.
1980
01:45:25,477 --> 01:45:28,310
She ran Tromaville Escort Service,
1981
01:45:29,847 --> 01:45:33,605
a child prostitution ring
that enslaved children
1982
01:45:33,605 --> 01:45:36,787
of all races, creeds, and
religious backgrounds!
1983
01:45:36,787 --> 01:45:39,747
- What?
- And that's not all!
1984
01:45:39,747 --> 01:45:41,786
'Cause she also downloaded songs
1985
01:45:41,786 --> 01:45:45,044
illegally off the internet,
thereby depriving artists of
1986
01:45:45,044 --> 01:45:48,015
their rightful royalties!
(dramatic music)
1987
01:45:48,015 --> 01:45:49,863
- For the love of god!
(audience applauding)
1988
01:45:49,863 --> 01:45:52,205
(slow sympathetic music)
- Oh Sarah!
1989
01:45:52,205 --> 01:45:56,607
♪ You make me the ♪
- Stop singing!
1990
01:45:56,607 --> 01:45:59,442
The mutant must be exterminated!
1991
01:45:59,442 --> 01:46:04,442
- Oh he might be a mutant but
he's my mutant, motherfucker!
1992
01:46:04,756 --> 01:46:07,173
(gun firing)
1993
01:46:08,626 --> 01:46:12,954
Wha, did, di-did I get her?
(audience snickering)
1994
01:46:12,954 --> 01:46:14,037
- No, but ow!
1995
01:46:15,164 --> 01:46:16,823
- A little to the left sweetie!
1996
01:46:16,823 --> 01:46:18,531
(gun firing)
(groaning)
1997
01:46:18,531 --> 01:46:19,364
- Oh...
1998
01:46:19,364 --> 01:46:20,447
Oh, oh, oh...
1999
01:46:22,775 --> 01:46:25,464
(ballet music)
Oh...
2000
01:46:25,464 --> 01:46:30,464
(grunting)
(audience snickering)
2001
01:46:32,014 --> 01:46:34,431
(whimpering)
2002
01:46:35,562 --> 01:46:37,812
(grunting)
2003
01:46:41,570 --> 01:46:44,591
Fuck, fuck...
(audience chuckling)
2004
01:46:44,591 --> 01:46:47,008
(whimpering)
2005
01:46:53,370 --> 01:46:55,703
(screaming)
2006
01:46:59,530 --> 01:47:00,829
(gun firing)
2007
01:47:00,829 --> 01:47:05,829
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2008
01:47:07,088 --> 01:47:08,671
- Yeah, yeah now...
2009
01:47:10,410 --> 01:47:13,386
Now I got her that time didn't I?
2010
01:47:13,386 --> 01:47:16,365
- Yeah, she got me (grunting).
2011
01:47:16,365 --> 01:47:17,818
(tragic music)
- What?
2012
01:47:17,818 --> 01:47:18,898
Toxie?
2013
01:47:18,898 --> 01:47:19,731
No, Toxie!
2014
01:47:21,517 --> 01:47:25,267
- Sarah!
(audience chuckling)
2015
01:47:26,483 --> 01:47:30,400
- Toxie, you're not
hideous, you are beautiful.
2016
01:47:31,648 --> 01:47:33,629
Well I mean you could
use a little moisturizer,
2017
01:47:33,629 --> 01:47:36,203
but you're beautiful (sobbing)!
2018
01:47:36,203 --> 01:47:37,383
- Oh Sarah!
- Uh-huh?
2019
01:47:37,383 --> 01:47:39,589
- I think your love is
enough to keep me alive.
2020
01:47:39,589 --> 01:47:40,808
- Really?
- No...
2021
01:47:40,808 --> 01:47:44,724
- Oh...
(audience chuckling)
2022
01:47:44,724 --> 01:47:47,497
- I see a bright white light!
2023
01:47:47,497 --> 01:47:50,649
- Oh sorry!
(audience chuckling)
2024
01:47:50,649 --> 01:47:52,649
- Oh but I still see it!
2025
01:47:53,625 --> 01:47:55,122
Oh...
- Toxie?
2026
01:47:55,122 --> 01:47:57,955
(sorrowful music)
2027
01:48:00,548 --> 01:48:04,412
♪ Look deep inside ♪
2028
01:48:04,412 --> 01:48:08,785
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
2029
01:48:08,785 --> 01:48:13,785
♪ Our love's meant to be for ♪
2030
01:48:15,280 --> 01:48:18,092
♪ Eternity ♪
2031
01:48:18,092 --> 01:48:19,230
- [Toxie] Oh Sarah?
2032
01:48:19,230 --> 01:48:20,475
- Uh-huh?
- Could you grant
2033
01:48:20,475 --> 01:48:23,326
me one last wish?
- Yeah, yeah.
2034
01:48:23,326 --> 01:48:26,475
- Something I've never done.
2035
01:48:26,475 --> 01:48:29,038
- Oh yeah, you want me to put out?
2036
01:48:29,038 --> 01:48:29,937
I can do that.
2037
01:48:29,937 --> 01:48:34,627
(audience chuckling)
- Oh, no, no, no, no...
2038
01:48:34,627 --> 01:48:36,294
- No?
- Just kiss me.
2039
01:48:43,231 --> 01:48:48,231
(mysterious music)
(audience cheering)
2040
01:48:50,903 --> 01:48:53,236
(whistling)
2041
01:48:55,770 --> 01:48:58,270
- Dammit, did I miss anything?
2042
01:48:59,353 --> 01:49:02,388
- You're too late Professor Kennith!
2043
01:49:02,388 --> 01:49:03,471
Toxie's dead!
2044
01:49:06,416 --> 01:49:08,057
(audience chuckling)
2045
01:49:08,057 --> 01:49:09,268
- But Professor, there must be
2046
01:49:09,268 --> 01:49:10,809
something you could do!
2047
01:49:10,809 --> 01:49:12,142
- I'm sorry, no,
2048
01:49:13,673 --> 01:49:16,307
there's nothing, nothing at all,
2049
01:49:16,307 --> 01:49:19,060
nothing in this world that could save this
2050
01:49:19,060 --> 01:49:21,700
poor, wretched creature.
2051
01:49:21,700 --> 01:49:22,533
- No!
2052
01:49:23,398 --> 01:49:25,065
No, no, you can't...
2053
01:49:27,108 --> 01:49:29,593
Oh my god (sobs).
2054
01:49:29,593 --> 01:49:30,676
- Okay, okay.
2055
01:49:33,561 --> 01:49:35,971
(sobbing)
Come on.
2056
01:49:35,971 --> 01:49:37,756
- No please!
- I'm so sorry.
2057
01:49:37,756 --> 01:49:39,528
- I can't!
- I'm so sorry!
2058
01:49:39,528 --> 01:49:42,036
(sobbing)
(sorrowful music)
2059
01:49:42,036 --> 01:49:43,453
(audience snickering)
2060
01:49:43,453 --> 01:49:44,869
- [Professor] Except!
2061
01:49:44,869 --> 01:49:46,402
- Oh fucking shit!
2062
01:49:46,402 --> 01:49:51,402
(audience chuckling)
(audience applauding)
2063
01:49:58,597 --> 01:49:59,430
Except?
2064
01:49:59,430 --> 01:50:02,688
- Well, it's a one in 1000 shot,
2065
01:50:02,688 --> 01:50:04,744
but he'd have to drink the dirtiest,
2066
01:50:04,744 --> 01:50:08,139
most vile, most disgusting
liquid imaginable!
2067
01:50:08,139 --> 01:50:10,754
- But where would we
find something that foul?
2068
01:50:10,754 --> 01:50:11,744
- I got it!
2069
01:50:11,744 --> 01:50:15,453
A glass of water from
the Thames, in London!
2070
01:50:15,453 --> 01:50:16,653
- [Sarah] Oh!
2071
01:50:16,653 --> 01:50:18,536
- Oh.
- Thank you!
2072
01:50:18,536 --> 01:50:21,619
(audience chuckling)
2073
01:50:26,064 --> 01:50:28,231
(humming)
2074
01:50:30,394 --> 01:50:31,227
No, no!
2075
01:50:36,011 --> 01:50:38,184
(humming)
2076
01:50:38,184 --> 01:50:41,253
(audience snickering)
2077
01:50:41,253 --> 01:50:42,170
No, please!
2078
01:50:47,162 --> 01:50:49,474
(humming)
2079
01:50:49,474 --> 01:50:52,557
(audience chuckling)
2080
01:50:55,794 --> 01:50:56,627
He's gone.
2081
01:50:58,093 --> 01:50:59,260
- My baby, oh!
2082
01:51:02,362 --> 01:51:05,593
- Oh my, my big French boyfriend!
2083
01:51:05,593 --> 01:51:08,145
(sorrowful music)
(sobbing)
2084
01:51:08,145 --> 01:51:11,562
I, I'm sorry, (mumbles).
2085
01:51:12,519 --> 01:51:14,686
(sobbing)
2086
01:51:26,330 --> 01:51:28,642
(dramatic music)
2087
01:51:28,642 --> 01:51:31,809
(audience applauding)
2088
01:51:33,715 --> 01:51:35,048
- [Toxie] Sarah!
2089
01:51:36,827 --> 01:51:38,120
- Toxie!
2090
01:51:38,120 --> 01:51:40,210
(audience chuckling)
2091
01:51:40,210 --> 01:51:41,698
- Sarah, whatever you just gave me
2092
01:51:41,698 --> 01:51:43,440
really tasted like shit!
2093
01:51:43,440 --> 01:51:46,190
- Oh, oh Toxie will you marry me?
2094
01:51:48,157 --> 01:51:52,173
♪ Promise ♪
2095
01:51:52,173 --> 01:51:55,789
♪ I promise ♪
2096
01:51:55,789 --> 01:51:59,717
♪ I promise ♪
2097
01:51:59,717 --> 01:52:01,717
♪ Sarah ♪
2098
01:52:04,768 --> 01:52:07,888
(Toxie roaring)
2099
01:52:07,888 --> 01:52:10,138
- That was a yes everybody!
2100
01:52:11,081 --> 01:52:12,156
(cheerful energetic music)
2101
01:52:12,156 --> 01:52:14,156
- Oh, my darling Melvin!
2102
01:52:15,214 --> 01:52:17,115
I almost lost you!
2103
01:52:17,115 --> 01:52:20,574
Oh and I promise to never
criticize or nag you,
2104
01:52:20,574 --> 01:52:25,157
ever, ever again, as long as
you give me grandchildren!
2105
01:52:26,675 --> 01:52:28,447
(squealing)
(chuckling)
2106
01:52:28,447 --> 01:52:31,030
- Hey, listen to me, everybody!
2107
01:52:32,013 --> 01:52:34,934
Well, all four of you.
(audience chuckling)
2108
01:52:34,934 --> 01:52:37,123
When I was dead, I heard a voice,
2109
01:52:37,123 --> 01:52:39,395
a voice that said unto me,
2110
01:52:39,395 --> 01:52:42,854
"Melvin Ferd III, you
have been chosen to go to
2111
01:52:42,854 --> 01:52:46,332
"every politician and corporate
executive on this Earth
2112
01:52:46,332 --> 01:52:48,403
"and see the good inside of them.
2113
01:52:48,403 --> 01:52:51,254
"And with compassion, and with hope,
2114
01:52:51,254 --> 01:52:53,750
"and with love, you must convince them
2115
01:52:53,750 --> 01:52:56,012
"to stop polluting our planet!"
2116
01:52:56,012 --> 01:52:58,132
- Yes!
- "And fouling our air!"
2117
01:52:58,132 --> 01:53:01,315
- That's right!
- "And to end global warming!"
2118
01:53:01,315 --> 01:53:02,318
(cheering)
2119
01:53:02,318 --> 01:53:05,067
- Wait but, what if they don't listen?
2120
01:53:05,067 --> 01:53:08,136
- "Then Melvin," the voice said unto me.
2121
01:53:08,136 --> 01:53:11,217
"You must rip their frickin' heads off!"
2122
01:53:11,217 --> 01:53:14,478
(cheering)
(audience applauding)
2123
01:53:14,478 --> 01:53:16,536
(mumbling)
- One more mum!
2124
01:53:16,536 --> 01:53:18,929
♪ Come on ♪
2125
01:53:18,929 --> 01:53:21,667
♪ Double (mumbles) up her hair ♪
2126
01:53:21,667 --> 01:53:23,993
♪ The experts think we'll all be dead ♪
2127
01:53:23,993 --> 01:53:28,993
♪ But they don't know
we're here to fight ♪
2128
01:53:30,989 --> 01:53:33,798
♪ Corporations are full of the beans ♪
2129
01:53:33,798 --> 01:53:36,246
♪ A hurricane wiped out New Orleans ♪
2130
01:53:36,246 --> 01:53:41,246
♪ And there's just one guy
who can make things right ♪
2131
01:53:43,259 --> 01:53:45,550
♪ He used to be weak and shy ♪
2132
01:53:45,550 --> 01:53:49,350
♪ But now he takes command ♪
2133
01:53:49,350 --> 01:53:54,350
♪ Oh god how I love my macho monster man ♪
2134
01:53:54,819 --> 01:53:57,870
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2135
01:53:57,870 --> 01:54:01,010
♪ And there's new air in the sky ♪
2136
01:54:01,010 --> 01:54:04,003
♪ We can breath now in New Jersey ♪
2137
01:54:04,003 --> 01:54:07,173
♪ So you won't catch cancer and die ♪
2138
01:54:07,173 --> 01:54:11,414
♪ No you won't catch cancer and die ♪
2139
01:54:11,414 --> 01:54:14,247
(patriotic music)
2140
01:54:20,357 --> 01:54:25,357
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2141
01:54:31,222 --> 01:54:35,830
- Ladies and gentlemen,
what a year it's been!
2142
01:54:35,830 --> 01:54:39,542
The voters of the greatest
state in the world have spoken,
2143
01:54:39,542 --> 01:54:42,489
so please welcome your new First Lady,
2144
01:54:42,489 --> 01:54:46,339
and the author of the
Oprah Book of the Month,
2145
01:54:46,339 --> 01:54:51,128
All Men are Freaks, and
your new governor, my baby,
2146
01:54:51,128 --> 01:54:53,585
representing the Green Party, governor,
2147
01:54:53,585 --> 01:54:55,585
and Mrs. Toxie Ferd III!
2148
01:54:56,550 --> 01:54:57,485
(audience cheering)
(energetic music)
2149
01:54:57,485 --> 01:55:00,410
♪ The first bill that I plan to pass ♪
2150
01:55:00,410 --> 01:55:02,600
♪ Pollute the Earth,
and I'll kick your ass ♪
2151
01:55:02,600 --> 01:55:07,312
♪ And that seems like a
damn good place to start ♪
2152
01:55:07,312 --> 01:55:09,440
♪ Oh yeah, whooo ♪
2153
01:55:09,440 --> 01:55:12,610
♪ The second thing and this I mean ♪
2154
01:55:12,610 --> 01:55:14,851
♪ Love your brother,
be he brown or green ♪
2155
01:55:14,851 --> 01:55:19,255
♪ Or I will rip your face apart ♪
2156
01:55:19,255 --> 01:55:21,825
♪ Right apart ♪
2157
01:55:21,825 --> 01:55:26,825
♪ Together we will turn this
state into a promised land ♪
2158
01:55:28,040 --> 01:55:33,040
♪ And you and I will
walk hand in slimy hand ♪
2159
01:55:33,520 --> 01:55:36,528
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2160
01:55:36,528 --> 01:55:39,707
♪ We got everything we want ♪
2161
01:55:39,707 --> 01:55:42,830
♪ No more garbage in New Jersey ♪
2162
01:55:42,830 --> 01:55:45,920
♪ Cause we dumped it in Vermont ♪
2163
01:55:45,920 --> 01:55:49,728
♪ Yeah, we dumped it in Vermont ♪
2164
01:55:49,728 --> 01:55:51,627
- Fuck you Vermont!
2165
01:55:51,627 --> 01:55:53,996
(chattering)
(audience applauding)
2166
01:55:53,996 --> 01:55:57,048
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2167
01:55:57,048 --> 01:56:00,358
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
(giggling)
2168
01:56:00,358 --> 01:56:03,206
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2169
01:56:03,206 --> 01:56:06,506
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2170
01:56:06,506 --> 01:56:09,653
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2171
01:56:09,653 --> 01:56:12,797
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2172
01:56:12,797 --> 01:56:15,888
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2173
01:56:15,888 --> 01:56:19,146
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2174
01:56:19,146 --> 01:56:22,311
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
(clapping)
2175
01:56:22,311 --> 01:56:25,537
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2176
01:56:25,537 --> 01:56:28,686
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2177
01:56:28,686 --> 01:56:32,057
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2178
01:56:32,057 --> 01:56:34,305
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2179
01:56:34,305 --> 01:56:37,434
♪ A revolution ♪
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2180
01:56:37,434 --> 01:56:41,476
♪ Evolution ♪
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2181
01:56:41,476 --> 01:56:44,846
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2182
01:56:44,846 --> 01:56:47,886
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
♪ A revolution ♪
2183
01:56:47,886 --> 01:56:51,124
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
♪ Evolution ♪
2184
01:56:51,124 --> 01:56:53,966
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2185
01:56:53,966 --> 01:56:58,383
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2186
01:57:01,025 --> 01:57:02,105
(audience applauding)
2187
01:57:02,105 --> 01:57:04,830
New Jersey!
(dramatic music)
2188
01:57:04,830 --> 01:57:09,830
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2189
01:57:11,797 --> 01:57:16,797
(energetic music)
(audience applauding)
2190
01:57:49,094 --> 01:57:52,172
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
(clapping)
2191
01:57:52,172 --> 01:57:55,254
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2192
01:57:55,254 --> 01:57:58,393
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2193
01:57:58,393 --> 01:58:01,809
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2194
01:58:01,809 --> 01:58:04,945
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2195
01:58:04,945 --> 01:58:08,163
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2196
01:58:08,163 --> 01:58:11,305
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2197
01:58:11,305 --> 01:58:15,722
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2198
01:58:19,483 --> 01:58:22,394
Jersey!
(dramatic music)
2199
01:58:22,394 --> 01:58:27,394
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2200
01:58:44,085 --> 01:58:47,252
(folksy guitar music)
2201
01:58:53,562 --> 01:58:55,592
♪ Let me tell you a story about ♪
2202
01:58:55,592 --> 01:58:58,557
♪ A man with a strange complexion ♪
2203
01:58:58,557 --> 01:59:03,307
♪ He killed a lot of folks and
he made a love connection ♪
2204
01:59:03,307 --> 01:59:08,307
♪ By day, he had a girl who
baked him homemade breads ♪
2205
01:59:08,316 --> 01:59:10,056
♪ By night, he roamed the streets ♪
2206
01:59:10,056 --> 01:59:12,267
♪ And ripped off people's heads ♪
2207
01:59:12,267 --> 01:59:14,756
♪ This is the legend ♪
2208
01:59:14,756 --> 01:59:16,420
♪ He's the legend ♪
2209
01:59:16,420 --> 01:59:21,420
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
2210
01:59:23,075 --> 01:59:27,909
♪ At first, the folks were sure
he'd kill them all one day ♪
2211
01:59:27,909 --> 01:59:32,719
♪ But then their crime went
down and the freak seemed okay ♪
2212
01:59:32,719 --> 01:59:37,541
♪ He proved more popular than
Prince William and Kate ♪
2213
01:59:37,541 --> 01:59:41,529
♪ He put the garden back
in the Garden State ♪
2214
01:59:41,529 --> 01:59:43,768
♪ This is the legend ♪
2215
01:59:43,768 --> 01:59:45,615
♪ He's the legend ♪
2216
01:59:45,615 --> 01:59:50,615
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
2217
01:59:51,370 --> 01:59:53,781
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
2218
01:59:53,781 --> 01:59:56,048
♪ He's the legend ♪
2219
01:59:56,048 --> 01:59:58,130
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
2220
01:59:58,130 --> 02:00:00,690
♪ Hot dang the legend ♪
2221
02:00:00,690 --> 02:00:05,239
♪ So tell your children about the legend ♪
2222
02:00:05,239 --> 02:00:07,509
♪ You tell your children's children ♪
2223
02:00:07,509 --> 02:00:10,288
♪ You tell your children's
children chldren ♪
2224
02:00:10,288 --> 02:00:12,621
♪ Have your children tell their friends ♪
2225
02:00:12,621 --> 02:00:14,758
♪ And their friends tell other friends ♪
2226
02:00:14,758 --> 02:00:17,097
♪ Make some calls, write some letters ♪
2227
02:00:17,097 --> 02:00:19,707
♪ Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter ♪
2228
02:00:19,707 --> 02:00:23,118
♪ Go on LinkedIn, don't do
MySpace, no one goes there ♪
2229
02:00:23,118 --> 02:00:28,118
♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na,
na-na-na-na, na-na, oh oh ♪
2230
02:00:29,633 --> 02:00:34,227
♪ Clap with me, clap with
me, clap with me, take it ♪
2231
02:00:34,227 --> 02:00:38,591
♪ Clap with me, clap with me ♪
2232
02:00:38,591 --> 02:00:42,174
(screechy harmonica music)
2233
02:00:47,276 --> 02:00:50,526
(energetic folk music)
2234
02:00:56,452 --> 02:00:59,285
- [Mayor] Just fucking finish it!
160258
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof