All language subtitles for The.Brothers.McMullen.1995.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG

♪♪ [Whistle Playing Irish Jig]

♪♪ [Continues]

Finbar, come on.

♪♪ [Ends]
Mom, don't call me Finbar,
all right?

Finbar, I'm telling you
because you're the only one
who'll understand.

So you'll have to
tell your brothers.

Understand what?
What's going on?
I'm leaving.

What do you mean
you're leaving?

Your father's dead
and buried now, and I gave him
the best years of my life,

but now I have to go and
live the rest of my life.

What the hell
are you talking about?
Watch your mouth!

I'm going back
to Ireland.

For... For Mr. O'Shaughnessy?

I love him, Finbar.
I've loved him
my whole life.

Does... You know,
does he even know
you're coming?

Of course he knows.
He's been waiting
35 years for this day.

Now come,
give your mom a kiss.
I have a plane to catch.

Are you sure you're
gonna be all right?
I'm going to be fine, darling.

And tell your brothers
I'll explain everything
when I call next week.

And promise me you won't make
the same mistake I made.

I promise.

Good boy.

Good luck, Mom.

[All]
Cheers.

So, Barry, let me ask you.
What's up with you
and Heather?

You got this new one here
in the house now,
and you guys are all done?

Well, you know,
I mean, just like
any long relationship...

Long relationship?
You were with her
for six months.

Yeah, well, that's
a long time, you know.

I mean... you know,
the mystery was over, man.

I don't know
why that happens.

It's God's way
of testing you, Barry.
You're failing.

[Chuckles]
Yeah. He loves
to torture us.

So you believe in God now?
This is... This is your story.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
on his good days.

Then you're not
a Catholic anymore.

No, I'm still a Catholic,
I guess. You know, kind of.

[Scoffs]
Catholic? Who the hell
are you kidding?

You haven't been in church
since 10th grade.

Yeah, but, you know,
who can deal with all
that repression, anyhow?

Hey. Hey, repression is
not such a bad thing, okay?

Especially for
a savage like you.

So, when did
all this happen?

I mean, what did she do,
as I'm positive
it's her fault completely.

You know,
she started talking
about getting married.

Marriage? Jesus.
And what did you say?

I asked her, you know,
who she was planning
on marrying...

and if, you know,
she'd be kind enough to
invite me to the wedding.

You said that to her?

Good for her.
I'm glad she threw you out.

So, where are you gonna live
now, Mr. Hotshot Noncommittal?

I, uh...
I don't know, man.

Don't even
think about it.

Yeah, like I might ever
live with this joker, right?

No, I'm gonna look for
a place down in the Village
tomorrow, I think.

Oh, the Village, huh?
That's about your speed.

Yeah, you know. Okay.

We better get in.
Molly's probably
got it ready for us.

[Dog Barks In Distance]

[Woman]
Look, you know, I don't
care what anybody says.

It doesn't make a difference
to me if he did or he didn't,
right?

All I can say is, thank you
for giving us John Jr.
[Laughs]

I saw him jogging
through the park yesterday.

Now, there is a real man.

[Laughs]
Sounds like she
really loves you, pal.

Oh, yeah, totally.
[Laughs]

I think Molly's right.
Thank you, Patrick.

Wait. What are you saying?

You don't like J.F.K. Now...

the only Irish-Catholic
president of this great
country of ours?

- Now you don't like him?
- Listen, I don't... I don't care.

I don't care who the guy is.
I don't care what kind
of great stuff he's done.

I don't like a man who
cheats on his wife. Period.

Oh, it's all just
bullshit rumors.

I mean, the man
was a great man.

Well, even if he did,
that doesn't necessarily
make him a bad man.

The man was the president
of the United States.

He's under a lot of pressure.
I think he was entitled.

Besides, he's screwing around
with Marilyn Monroe.

I think it's a sign
of a truly great individual...

who knows how to seize
an opportunity like that.

You are demented, Barry.

Ah, this is thinking.
This is a thought process.

Thank you for dinner, Molly.
It was delicious.

Yeah. That corned beef
and cabbage runs a very
close second to our mother's.

Well, I hate to tell
you guys this, but, uh,

Jack made the dinner.

Jackie, an all-star
in the kitchen too.
Barry, get this.

See, this just goes to show you
how little my brothers actually
know about me.

I mean, they probably
see me like my dad who's...

Speaking of
our favorite wife-beating,
child-abusing alcoholic,

I, uh... I went down
to the grave this morning.

And?

And I'm happy to report
that he's still dead.

This is...
This is funny stuff, Barry.
Take it on the road, pal.

Anyway, see, these guys,
they see me as this
old-fashioned, conservative,

by-the-book kind of guy,
when, in actuality,

I'm a progressively modern,
politically correct housewife.

[Imitating Archie Bunker]
You sound more like
half a fag there, Edith.

Mmm. You know, I could see you,
you know, wearing an apron,

you know, with the skirt
and those heavy clogs
you like to wear,

maybe a Speedo thrown in
for added effect.

What do you think?

I think I'm gonna
throw you two a beating,
that's what I think.

Listen, you guys.
It's true. He does.

He cooks. He cleans.
He does the laundry.

Leaves me all kinds of time
for all those things
I always wanted to do,

like change the oil in the car
and fix the sink
and mow the lawn.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To Molly,

my lawn-mowing,
oil-changing,

sink-fixing, beautiful,

sweet, smart, sexy, sassy,

one-in-a-million Irish lass
on her 30th birthday.

That means stand up, people.

[Chairs Pushing Back]
Come on. Get up.

I love you, and although
I missed the first 25
of your 30 years,

here's hoping that
you'll keep me around
for another 30.

- Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday, Molly.

Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Molly.

Happy birthday, Molly.

[Barry]
What are you doing?

Nothing.

Let me ask you
something, Barry.

What do I do now? Hmm?

What are you, retarded?

You wipe it off,
and then you put it
in the dishwasher, okay, genius?

No. No, not the...
I mean with my life.

You know, I didn't think
college would actually end.

I'm not ready to go out,
be a real guy, get a...
get a real job.

I'm not ready to move
out of my dorm.

Do you know I didn't
even think about that?

Where the hell
am I gonna live?

What the hell
are you worried about?

I mean, Susan told me that
her father's already got
a job lined up for you.

I know. I... I don't know
if I should take it.

Susan's starting to scare me
a little bit too.

Yeah, well, Susan does have
that effect on people.

The other night, Barry...

you know, we're in my room,
we're in my dorm room
doing it.

[Sighs]
Don't move.

What?
Don't move.

I think I broke it.
Oh, God.

Oh, whew. Oh, thank God.
That was close.

They make these things
so tight.
[Laughs]

They ought to make them
bigger for guys like...
Shut up.

Yeah, you know that, baby.
Yeah, right. I don't even know
why you bother with this.

I'm on the pill.
Hey. Hey, you can't be
too careful.

And remember, I'm Catholic.
I shouldn't even be doing this
in the first place.

You know, we wouldn't even
have to worry about it
if we got married.

She said that?
Married?

What is she, crazy?
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

So what do I do
about this now?

You got to break up with her.
I mean, you got to dump her.

Before you know it,
she's gonna have you
picking out wedding cakes.

You'll be asking me
to be your best man...

and moving
into the guest bedroom
in her parents' apartment,

or worse than that,
moving up into our old room
in the attic.

So you think
I should break up with her?

Yeah. You got to.

[Woman]
Thanks for driving me
all the way into the city, Jack.

You really didn't
have to do that.
Hey, no problem.

Barry and half a bottle
of Irish whiskey is not
my idea of safe driving.

[Laughs]
So...

other than cook
corned beef and cabbage
on his wife's birthday,

what does a high school
basketball coach do
with his spare time?

[Laughs]
Oh, things like play golf,

fish,
drink a lot of beers.
Mmm. Mmm.

But I'm actually taking
a sports management course
at NYU right now.

Oh. Very exciting.

And, uh, Molly,
what does she do?

She teaches English
at the high school.

She's a teacher too.
Really exciting.
[Chuckles]

What, did you two meet
at a P.T.A. Meeting
or something?

No, it was actually
during cafeteria duty.

On the hot-lunch line,
I hope.

Yeah, something like that.

Mmm.

I'll, uh, bet you were
a big jock stud in high school,
weren't you?

Running around in the backseat
of your father's Buick...

breaking all
the little girls' hearts.

No. I've, uh...
I've always been pretty much
a one-woman kind of guy.

Huh.
[Chuckles]

That's what my ex-husband
said when I met him.

And he wasn't.
No, he was.

I just wasn't
a one-man kind of girl.

I don't buy that.

Your problem is that
you just haven't found
the right man yet.

I've found plenty of them.

My problem is that
they all want to marry me.

You know, if I were smart,
I'd find myself
a nice married man.

What good
would that do you?

Because then there
would be no question...

as to what either one of us
wanted from the relationship,
now, would there?

Yeah. It's getting late.
[Chuckles]

Yeah.

Do you feel like coming up
for a cup of coffee
or something?

Oh, no, thanks.
Um, I should be getting
back to the island...

You know,
traffic and stuff.

All right.
Some other time, then.

Yeah, some other time.

Okay, some other time.
Okay.

Thanks for the ride, Jack.

Have a good night.
Bye.

[Barry]
Excuse me.

You're not Mrs. McKee,
are you?
No. She just left.

What do you mean,
she just left?

I mean
she was here a minute ago
and now she's not.

Well, do you know
where she went?

She was supposed to show me
an apartment in this building.

Oh, you're the one.
What is that supposed to mean?
I'm the one what?

She wanted to get out of here
before you got here.

Why? What the hell
did I do?

She said you sounded a little
crazy on the telephone.
She didn't want to face you.

Me, crazy?
She's the crazy one.
Who does business like this?

Well, do you know where
she went? Maybe she'll show it
to me after she meets me.

No, she already rented it.
That's why she felt bad.

I just spoke to her 10 minutes
ago. Who could she have rented
it to in that time?

Me.

You?

So you stole my apartment?
That's not a very nice way
to put it.

I'm not feeling very nice
at this particular moment.

I've been looking
at apartments all day,
none of which I could afford.

And this one was finally
in my ballpark.
C'est la vie.

You should really let me look at
it and then we could bid on it.
That would be fair.

Who ever told you life
is fair? Good-bye!

You know, hold up a second.
I'm really sorry.

Um, my name is Barry.

Hello, Barry.

Um, I was thinking,
why don't we go out for
a cup of coffee or something?

We could
work something out.

Thank you, Barry.
I'm a married woman.
You're married?

Yes. And I don't think
my husband...

would appreciate me
going out for drinks
with a strange man.

Now good-bye.

[Thinking]
Oh, man.
I am a complete loser.

You are gonna love
this place, Patrick.

It's only a one-bedroom,
but Daddy says it's big enough
for the both of us.

Get this.
Honey, he paid for
the first six months' rent.

I got it through his friend
of his. It will be great
until we get married.

Then we can move
to that two-bedroom
on the fourth floor.

I can't do it.

Can't do what?

I can't move into
this apartment with you.

Why not?
It's perfect.

I'm sure it is.
But ethically, morally,
I can't do it.

I can't live with a woman
I'm not married to.

I mean, I would need for us
to get married in order
for me to feel comfortable.

We're gonna get
married eventually, right?
So what's the difference?

The difference is
we're not married now.

And therefore,
I would be living in sin.

We're not living in sin.
We love each other.

What is that?
What does that mean?

Listen, there's
no amendment to the rule...

"living in sin
lest you love," okay?

I can't do it, all right?
That's the bottom line.

I know what you're
doing here, you know.

I know that you're just...
you're afraid of making
a commitment like that.

You don't want to live with me,
so you're using this
as an excuse,

'cause you're not willing
to make a commitment
like that, are you?

No. No, Susan,
it's not that. I swear.

Then what is it?

It's I'm a Catholic,
that's what it is,

and there's certain
rules and regulations
you got to live by.

I'm living by them!

Hey, for the same reason
you won't eat
a bacon cheeseburger, huh?

This is a part of my baggage.

Well, then, I really think that
you should consider converting,

because Daddy is
going to be very upset.

[Thinking]
She's right, isn't she?

But am I using this
"living in sin" thing...

because I really don't
want to live with her,

or do I really believe
I should wait
until I'm married?

Yeah, but if I obeyed every rule
that said I should wait till
I get married,

well, I'd still be a virgin.

Is that any way
to go through life?

Well, I can't speak
for sally-boy over here,

but for me,
a few weeks, a month...
A month, tops.

I don't know.
Definitely longer
than a few weeks.

A month.
Thanksgiving.

Yeah, Thanksgiving
is definitely the latest
I'm here.

Thanksgiving?

Well, maybe...
maybe not Thanksgiving.

How about...
How about Christmas?

Yeah, Christmas will be
the latest I'm here.

New Year's. Definitely
no longer than New Year's.

Hey, Jack, I promise you
I will not be here a day
after the new year.

Not a minute.
Not a second after
the clock strikes 12:00.

Okay, you can stay.

Take your old room
up in the attic.

It still has
all your old furniture
and shit in it, okay?

[Sighs]

I know I'm gonna end up
killing one of those guys.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you know what?
I almost forgot to tell you.

Ann called to thank you
for the dinner
and for driving her home.

She seemed like
such a nice lady,
don't you think?

I suppose.

Shame Barry doesn't like her.
Hey, Barry
doesn't like himself.

Are you sure you're gonna be
okay with all this?

Jack, they're your brothers.

You don't say no to family.
[Chuckles]

I would do anything for them.

Of course, if Patrick decides
to start wearing my underwear...

Which he might.
Which he might.
[Laughs]

Besides, I think, uh...

We ought to start getting
used to having to share this
house with some other people.

I've already had plenty of
practice in that department,
thank you very much.

Well, you know, I'm not
getting any younger, Jack,

and you said that
we would be having kids
before I turned 30.

And in case you forgot,
I turned 30 last week.

And the only kids
running around here
are already in their 20s.

Come on, Molly.
Kids are a big step.

I know that.
[Chuckles]

But I'm ready
to make that step.

I don't care if we have
to make a few sacrifices.

Look, kids need money for food
and clothing, medication.
Do you know what that means?

There'd be no more vacations
to Ireland to see your
grandmother or my mother,

no more trips to Aruba
during winter recess,
no more restaurants.

We won't be able
to afford it.

Well, good,
because I can't stand
my grandmother,

I hate Aruba,
and I'd rather cook.

I want a family, Jack.

I want a house that's
teeming with little kids
running up and down the stairs.

You know,
I want to cheer for them
at baseball games...

and hold them when
they scrape their knees.

You said that's
what you wanted too.

I do. I do. I mean, I...
I still want those things.

I just don't want
to rush into it, you know.

I just- I just need
to know that we're ready.

I'm ready, Jack.

You let me know
when you are too.

[Sighs]

Excuse me. Do you know
where 121 Jane Street is?

Yeah, 121, I think,
is down this way.

Hey, do I know you
from somewhere?
Are you sure?

I've got a commercial audition
that I'm already late for.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
I know that I know you
from somewhere. Did we...

Do you mind walking me?
I've been up and down
this block five times.

I can't seem to make any sense
of the streets down here.

Well, that's 121
right over there.

Oh, great. Hey, thanks again.
I hope I didn't put you
out of your way.

No, not at all.
Hey, I know where
I know you from.

You're the creep who wanted
to rent my apartment.

Oh, my God, that's you?
You look so different now.

You kept bugging me
to go out with you.

I didn't keep bugging you.
I just asked you once
to go out for a cup of coffee.

And I told you
I was married.

You're not?
No. I just said that
to get rid of you.

Why would you
want to get rid of me?

Because first of all,
you accused me of
stealing your apartment.

And second of all,
I was told never to go out
with strange men.

Well, you know,
I mean, I'm not exactly
a stranger anymore.

You know, I did help you
find this place.

And third, I'm engaged.
Engaged?

To be married, to Henry,
who happens to be
a very nice young man.

Now how do I look?
Absolutely beautiful.

Thanks.

I'm telling you, Jack.
She was beautiful.

And she didn't fall for
your phony Irish charm, huh?

She didn't give me
the time of day.

You know, I was thinking
she'd feel bad for me,

maybe invite me
to move in with her.

Why should she
feel bad for you?

Because she stole the apartment
from right out under me.

So instead of living
down in the Village,

I'm out here on Long Island
with you and Amy Fisher
and the rest of the gang.

You say that now,

but you'll change your tune
after you have kids,
believe me... Everybody does.

Well, seeing as I'm never
having kids, I don't see that
being a problem.

And you're never
getting married?

No. I'm convinced I'll never
have enough interest
in any one woman...

that I'd be willing to give up
the joys of bachelorhood.

I mean, the grass
is always greener.

Yeah, or thinner or taller,
bigger tits.

Yeah, hopefully...
hopefully all those things.

Which is why, you know...
which why I can't get over you.

I mean, Molly's great
and everything,

but you guys have been together,
what, five years?

How do you keep it
interesting?

Love.

You ever, uh...
You ever cheat on her?

No.

You never even, like...
you know, just, like,
thought about it?

No, not really.

You're a better man than me.

Well, that's not a stretch.

[Phone Rings]

Hello. Hello?

Hmm.

[Dialing]

Hello? Yeah.

May I have the number
for the School of Continuing
Education at NYU?

Ann.
Jack.

How are you?
Hi. What are you
doing in the city?

I just got out of class.
Those sports management courses
I was telling you about?

Uh-huh.
What are you doing?

Running from meeting
to meeting.

Do you maybe have time
for that cup of coffee now?

Oh, I'd love to. Ooh!
But I'm actually running late.

Maybe some other time?

Yeah. Sure. Some other time
would be great.

Okay, some other time, then.

Well, nice to see you.
Good to see you too.

You know what?

How about a walk
in the park instead?

Okay.
Fantastic.

You ever cheated on Molly?
No.

Never even thought about it?

No, not really.

Come on, Jack. None of those
little high-school girls
ever tempted you?

God, if I had a teacher
that looked like you
in high school,

I would have done everything
in my power to get you
to keep me after school.

You're nuts,
you know that?

Besides, I coach
the boys' basketball team.

Yeah? Well, then I would
become a cheerleader.

[Ann] You said
you never even thought
about cheating on Molly.

Does that mean you're
thinking about it now?

No.
You should.

Oh, Ann, I don't know.
I don't think I could
ever do that to Molly.

You wouldn't be
doing it to Molly.

I keep thinking about
that night in the car,

what would have happened
if I'd just...

grabbed you and...

kissed you.

Because I know
you wanted me too.

Come on, Jack.

Kiss me.

Ann, I can't do this.
I could never do that
to Molly. I love her.

I don't want love
from you, Jack. I want you.

Listen, I got to go.

[Sighs]

[Barry]
Do you love her?
[Exhales]

[Thunder Rumbling]
Yes, I love her.

That's because we've been
together for so long.

You know,
I have nice memories
of those times.

But, no, I am not
in love with her.

Pat...

are you ready to spend
the rest of your life having
sex with this one woman?

I mean, she'll be
the last woman that you get
to see completely naked...

and be allowed to touch.

That's something
to think about.

Oh, I don't know.

I thought I'd know
when it was time
to get married.

I'd envisioned meeting
somebody somewhere, and...

See, I thought
it was Susan, but-

then it fades, you know?

It turns out to be
just my imagination.

No, what I'm talking
about is real.

I mean, two people
mapping out an eternity
in a moment.

And we'd sit and have
intimate conversation...

in some dimly lit room,
and...

[Sighs]

We'd both feel there was
nowhere else in the world
we'd want to be.

Jesus Christ, Patrick.
I mean, that is very romantic,

but there is no
fucking chance in hell
that's gonna happen,

especially to the likes of you.

You don't believe
in true love?

You don't believe God
has someone out there
just for you...

and he allows a lucky few
to be fortunate enough
to find one another?

How the hell
did a fruitcake like you
end up as my brother?

No, I do not believe
in true love, okay?

But if there is such a thing
as true love, I'm sure God
has nothing to do with it.

You're just afraid.

You're just afraid
to fall in love, Barry.

Always been afraid
of the emotions.

Listen, lover boy, all right,
we're not on Oprah...

talking about me
and my emotions, all right?

We're talking
about you and Susan.

So, what do I do?

I mean,
if I move in with her,
I'm basically saying yes.

Yes, I'll eventually
marry her.

Or do I wait till
I find my true love?

I could give two shits
about you and your true love,

but as far as Susan goes...

she's got to get the ax.

Yeah.

Yeah. I was
thinking that too.

[Sighs]
But I'm afraid, Barry.

I mean, she is
so in love with me.

I'm afraid she'll
do something crazy
like kill herself.

Don't flatter yourself,
Patrick, all right?

Nobody is killing
themselves over you.

So how do I do it?

You came to the right man.
It's really quite simple.

But the key
is finding the right place.

I mean, I like to
meet them at work.

All right, 'cause,
you know, there's usually
a lot of people around.

They're not gonna
make a big scene.

Then you don't have to worry
about driving them home...

after you just
broke their heart.

Yeah. Yeah.
That's good thinking.

What do you mean?
When did this come about?

Look, it's just something
I've been thinking about
for a long time.

And, you know,
the fact that you
wouldn't live with me...

and the fact
that you're not Jewish
made it a whole lot easier.

But why?

Patrick, our relationship
has run its course.

I think we're better off
going out and, uh,
finding new people,

new experiences, ideas.

Hey. Hey, I don't need
any new ideas, all right?
I'm confused enough already.

But what about us?

I mean, we were
gonna get married.

Come on, Patrick.

That was just talk, right?
We were just kids.

Besides, would you ever be
willing to become Jewish? Huh?

Become a Jew?

Yes.
Convert?
Why should I convert?

I'm a practicing Catholic,
for God's sakes.
Oh.

I go to church once a week.
You go to temple, what,
once a year.

Hey, my religion plays
a bigger part in my life
than yours does in yours.

If anyone should convert,
it should be you.

Your religion is crazy.
Yeah, yeah.

Listen, I don't even know
why I'm talking to you
about this right now.

Look, it's over,
Patrick, okay?

I'm sorry.

[Thinking]
What does that mean...
experiencing different people?

She's gonna have sex
with other people.

That's what that means.

This is fine.
This is absolutely fine.

This just sucks.

That just worked
brilliantly, yeah, Barry.

Just get them
in the office, you know,

uh, not gonna make a scene,
lots of people around.

She's completely levelheaded
about the whole thing.

I'm on my feet
defending my religion...
lamely.

Unbelievable.

I should have to do this?

If she were a Catholic girl,
believe me you...

Okay, I lived up to
my end of the bargain...
no business during lunch.

Lunch is now
officially over,

so please tell me
you're working
on something new.

I'm just... I'm not
feeling inspired lately.

In fact, I'm not feeling
much of anything lately,
Marty.

What's wrong this time?

I don't know. I just-
I can't get into anything
I'm writing.

I feel like I'm just
going through the motions.

Well, listen, you better
find some inspiration soon.

For one thing,
you need the money.

And you know what?
It's embarrassing.

I've got to tell the people
in my business...

that my best young writer
lives on Long Island.

Writers live
in Manhattan, Barry.

Joey Buttafuocos
live on Long Island.

You know what I'm saying?
I got the idea.

You need to find
another girlfriend...

with a nice,
posh Manhattan apartment
and set yourself up again.

And meanwhile,
what happened with Ann?

Ann's perfect, and you go and
blow a relationship with her.
What's with that?

Thanks for nothing with Ann.
She was nothing
but a pain in the ass.

Well, that pain in the ass
told me that Barry
takes her out twice...

and Barry passes out
on her twice.

You drink too much, man.
I've been telling you this
for years.

This little Hemingway thing
you have going is really
getting stale.

Hey, you know what, Marty?
Blow me.

Okay, okay, forget Ann.
Forget Ann. Ann's old news.

Listen...

I got a new girl
I want to set you up with.
She's perfect.

No. I swear to you I had
nothing to do with it.

I'm telling you
it just must have been fate.

Yeah, right.
I think it had more to do
with Marty than fate.

Well, maybe.

So anyway,
you and your fiancé,

are you guys enjoying life
in my apartment?

Your apartment?
No. He doesn't live in New York.
Really?

Well, let me ask you another
semi-personal question.

Well, you can ask it,
but I can't guarantee
you're gonna get an answer.

All right. That's fair.

Why would you agree to go
on a blind date with me...

if you're already engaged to
this Henry, the horse farmer?

Because I'm not happy
in that relationship,

and I don't want to
sell myself short.

Besides, Marty said you
were a relatively nice guy.

Here we are.

Geez. I still cannot forgive you
for forcing me into exile
out on Long Island.

Oh, come on.
It can't be that bad.

It is that bad. You're not
25 years old and living with
your two brothers at home.

[Laughs]
It's depressing.

You know, Barry, I had
a really good time today.
I'm kind of surprised.

I figured I'd hate you.
Oh, thanks. That's nice.

But I actually...
I knew that I'd like you.

From the first time that we
met here on the stoop when you
stole this apartment from me,

I knew, you know...
I guess... I knew that
I'd like you.

Barry, I got to go.

Yeah. No. No.
That's... That's okay.

Uh, but you want to, um...
you want to get together
some other time?

Maybe we could go, you know,
catch an Audrey Hepburn film
at Theatre 80 or something?

I... I can't, Barry.
It just... It wouldn't be
fair to Henry.

All right.

Um... well, then, some other-
some other time, then.

Okay.

Okay. I'll see you
around, then.

Bye.

Barry?

I'd really like to.
I just can't. I'm sorry.

No. That's all right.
I mean...

you know,
you're-you're engaged.

For all practical purposes,
I'm a married woman.

Yeah.

I'll see you around.

Okay.

Bye.

[Dog Barking In Distance]

Hey!

Patrick?

Leslie?

Hey!

- Oh, God.
I thought that was you.
- Yeah.

What are you doing?

Well, uh, just coming back
from the, uh, deli, actually.
I got a sandwich.

What about you?
What are you up to?

Oh, I'm just, um...
just working on my dad's car.

Oh, good.

Okay. See you around.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Oh, Patrick!

Um, do you want a beer
with that sandwich
or something?

Okay. Sure!

So, Patrick,
you of all people... God!

What the hell are you
doing back here?

Oh, well, I had to move
back in with Jack.

Me and Barry
are sharing a crawl space
up in the attic.

But I heard that your, um...

that your girlfriend's father
was getting you
a place in the city.

Yeah. I thought so too,

but it doesn't look like
that's gonna work out.

You, uh...

You got scared,
didn't you?

No, I didn't.

[Chuckles]

I mean, I was,
but, you know, I wasn't.

Uh-huh.

See, her father was also
getting me this job.

So, it just seemed like all
of a sudden I had to be this...

you know, this real guy
with a real life.

And I... I just was not
ready for that.

So, yeah...
[Chuckles]
I got scared.

And I just, you know, wanted
out of the whole situation.

So, what did...
what did you do?

Well, I didn't have to do
anything, actually.

She broke up with me.

Now she's got me
thinking that,

you know, maybe I do
want all those things
I thought I was afraid of.

You know what?

It sounds to me
like you just want them
because you can't have them.

So, uh, why'd she
break up with you?

See, that's...
that's weird too.
She's weird.

She wouldn't tell me.
Isn't that stupid?

So do you, uh...

do you still love her?

Uh, not like
I think I should.

I mean, considering we
were gonna get married.

What about you?
I heard you were
getting married to Sully.

[Chuckles]
No, no. I, um...

I-I couldn't
go through with it.

What happened?

I... I saw the light.

Um, it was the morning
of my wedding.

And I was up in the bathroom
brushing my teeth,
and that's when it hit me.

I mean, I suddenly thought,
"Why?"

Mom!

I thought, "Do I really want to
spend the rest of my life
with... with James Sullivan?"

[Thinking]
Just take it easy.

This is it. One time,
and then you're done with it.

[Clears Throat]

It's not a twist-off, Jack.
[Laughs]
I see.

Don't be so nervous.
This is only gonna hurt
a little bit, okay? I promise.

Come here.

That was nice, wasn't it?

Mmm, I'll say.

Though I have to admit,
I was a little quick
the first time.

But you gotta remember
I've been ready to burst
since that day in the park.

You wanted me that night
in the car too, didn't you?

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

[Both Chuckling]

You know,
you could have had me
right then and there.

What made you decide
to change your mind?

I don't know.

Something you said about never
having sex with another person
for the rest of my life.

Hmm.

You'll find it's harder
to say no the next time.

[Thinking]
Yeah, but there's not
gonna be a next time.

[Birds Chirping]

So why'd she do it?

Patrick, I'm gonna tell you
for the last time.

She doesn't really
want to break up with you.

She's using this as a method
to get back at you.

She wants you to come
crawling back to her.

So how do I get her back?

Why do you even care?
I mean, I thought this
is what you wanted.

I mean, she saved you
the trouble of doing
the dirty work yourself.

You should be happy.

But I miss her.

No, you don't.
Yes, I do.

You don't.
You just think you do.

You're suffering
from the "Will I ever
get laid again?" blues.

No, my friend.

I think it's a case of the "You
don't know how good you had it
till it's gone" syndrome.

Oh, tell me. What was so great
about Susan that you now
regret not having it?

Her father was gonna
get me an apartment
and a great new job.

Those... Those
are definite pluses,

but listen to the advice
of your bigger, wiser
and more experienced brother.

I have...
I have a theory.

Man is like a banana...

strong and firm,
bright and phallic,

and he's protected
by his all-important shield.

But when a woman
comes along, you know,

she sees this bright,
phallic beast,
and she wants it.

But she's not happy with it
the way it is.

She wants to see
what's inside.

So she starts to peel away
the all-important shield.

First, she wants to see
your romantic side.

Then she wants to see
your passionate side.

Then she wants to see
your soft, caring,
feminine side.

And she keeps peeling
and peeling...

until you're left there
buck naked, totally exposed...

with your balls
blowing in the wind.

And that's when
she gets her knife,

and she starts
to cut away your manhood,

piece by piece,

until they're having your cock
in their corn flakes.

Susan!

Su...

Susan, would you...

Come on, Susan.
Would you hold up a second?
I gotta talk to you.

I need to talk to you.

What do you want?

You broke up with me
without an explanation.

Now I think I'm entitled
to an explanation.

I mean, we were gonna
get married, you know,
in case you forgot.

Tell me the truth.
Did you ever really
want to get married?

The truth?
Yeah. Remember,
"Thou shalt not lie."

The truth...
The truth is no,
but that's because...

That's before I realized
how much I need you
in my life.

[Laughs]
You don't need me.
You just think you do.

What is the difference?
This is where I am.

Look, I just don't think
it would be healthy
for either one of us...

to stay together right now,
okay, especially considering
the current situation.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What current situation?

Look, Patrick, I really
don't feel like talking
to you right now, okay?

Will you just-
Leave me alone!

I can't believe
you liked that movie.

It was fun.
It was crap.

You know what?
You're gonna have to
read my new script.

Why? What's it about?

It's about this guy
and his quest for true love.

And does he find it?
Of course not.

You've never been in love,
have you?

Well...
You haven't, have you?

Do you love anybody?

Well, yeah. I mean,
you know, I love, uh...

You know, I guess
I love my brothers.

I love, uh...
I love my mother.

In fact, yeah, I love
my mother very much,
in fact.

How sweet. And does your mommy
live on Long Island with you
and your brothers too?

No. No.
My mommy actually, uh...

she moved back to Ireland
a couple years ago.

Ireland? Why?

Well, this...
You'll love this story.
This is right up your alley.

I guess it was about
five years ago.
My dad finally died.

We were all very excited
about that.

And, uh,
right after his funeral,

my mom pulls me aside
and she says to me...

Promise me you won't make
the same mistake I made.
Yeah. Yeah. I promise.

Yeah. No, she just-
she took off that night.

Oh. Why...
Why would she marry your dad
if she didn't love him?

Because she's Catholic,
I guess.

I mean, she fell in love
with this guy,
Finbar O'Shaughnessy,

whom I'm named after,
although my dad
didn't know that,

but she was already pregnant
with my dad's baby,

which is my brother Jack.

So, you know, like any
good Catholic girl would,
she got married.

They ended up
moving to America,

and she had to wait 35 years
until the old man, you know,
died...

so that she could go back
to Ireland and finally be
reunited with her true love.

Wow. Now that is
a great love story.

[Exhales]
With a mom like that,

you'd think you'd be
a hopeless romantic instead
of a loveless pessimist.

Hey, I like
being a pessimist.

It makes it easier
to deal with
my inevitable failure.

So where's
your mom now?

Well, she and O'Shaughnessy
live in Dublin.

He's a champion fiddle player.

So whenever they come
to New York to perform,

the whole band comes
out to the house,

and my mom cooks her famous
corned beef and cabbage.

Mmm! I love
corned beef and cabbage.

Yeah. Well, we'll see.

[Thinking]
Okay, Finbar,
just lean back and do it.

Come on, you coward.
Just do it.

Barry, I have
a confession to make.

Well, what is it?
Promise me
you won't be mad.

Well, how can I be mad
if I don't know what it is
you're gonna confess?

I'm not engaged.

Henry's asked me
a thousand times, but I just
cannot bring myself to say yes.

Really?

I mean, that's great.
I mean, it's too bad for Henry,

but he's not really,
you know...

he's not really high
on my list of concerns.

Are you happy?

Fuckin'-A, I'm happy.

That's great.
Would you mind, uh,

if I kissed you here?

Think you
can handle it?

I think I can handle it.

[Thinking]
Yeah, right.

There's no way
you can handle this.

Hey, doll.

How are
the papers coming?
Hey. Good.

You coming to bed soon?
I miss you.

I feel like we never get
to see each other anymore.

Yeah, I know.
But I'm gonna hit the sack.
I'm kinda tired, huh?

I think I'll finish
grading these
in the morning.

Why? You're better off
getting them done tonight.

Well, I was, uh...

[Watch Rests On Dresser]

I was thinking
you might be interested...

in doing a little something
you haven't done in a while.

I thought you got
embarrassed by that.

Well,
maybe I'm feeling a little
less inhibited tonight.

Oh, really?
Yeah.

I'm sorry, honey.
I'm not in the mood.

I'm tired.

Wow!
[Chuckles]

Ooh, I remember the days
when you used to say,

"I don't get these guys who say
they're too tired for sex.

I'll never be
too tired for sex."

Oh, come on, Molly.
The one night that
I'm not in the mood,

you're gonna break
my balls about it?

How about all the nights you
haven't been in the mood, huh?

I'm sorry, Jack.
[Sighs]

I was just kidding.

I guess I thought
it might be fun, that's all.

[Sighs]

Look, I'm sorry
I yelled at you, hon.

I've just been feeling
kind of weird these days.
I don't know.

So, Barry, I think that
if you like her that much,

you should just call her up
and ask her out again.

[Barry]
Yeah, but she's not Irish.

Well, then you got to
forget about it.

I don't know if I can.

I mean,

she is the most
beautiful woman...

that I have ever been
in contact with.

I mean, she is gorgeous.

She's proof that
God is indeed a man.

You are in love.

Don't talk to me
about love.

What did I...
All I said
was she's beautiful.

I said nothing
about love.
No, no, no, no, no.

You are in love.
Trust me.

I know when someone
is or isn't in love.
[Door Opens]

- Hey, doll.
- Hey, honey.

What, are you drinkin'
all my friggin' beers?

I'm having one beer.

Give me a fuckin' break.

It's not even noon,
and you're drinking already.

When did you all of a sudden
become my mother, huh?

I can't drink beer
anymore?

You can tell me when
I can and can't drink,
huh, big Jack?

Look, I'm not your mother,
but I'm gonna go out for a jog,
and when I come back,

I want a couple of beers
in the house, okay?

You're going out
for a run, Jack?

Yeah, I'm gonna try
and work off
these love handles.

Yeah, well, you could
use it, lard-ass, huh?
[Chuckles]

Hey, you want some company?
I'd love to go for a run.

No, that's all right.
I'm just gonna hop out
for a quickie.

I'll be back.

Yeah, have a few more doughnuts
while you're at it, fat boy.

[Door Closes]

Do you think, uh...

Do you think Jack
would ever have an affair?

Jack? No way, no how.

I mean, he loves you.
You were the answer
to that guy's dreams.

Besides, do you think
there's somebody out there
better than you?

Nah, I don't know.

I don't know.
He just seems
kind of distant lately.

Maybe I'm bugging him too much
about having a baby.

God, you know, a minute
doesn't pass by...

where I don't think about
making love to you.

Easy there, coach.
There'll be no lovemaking
going on here.

It's a figure of speech.
Yeah?

Well, next time,
try another figure,
like "do it."

[Water Continues Running]
Like I would say,

"I thought you were
feeling too guilty
to do it with me."

All right.

How about,
"I can do it now...
[Water Turns Off]

And deal with the guilt
of having done it later"?

Very good.

[Dog Barking In Distance]

[Groans]
Hey, who's in there?

[Patrick]
It's me. Hey, I'm going
to the bathroom!

Well, I'm coming in.
I got to get something.

What-
[Laughs]
Oh, Jesus.

How about
a mercy flush, huh?

What the hell do you
expect it to smell like?

Hey, I'm going
to the bathroom here.
Do you mind?

Yeah? Well, you ought to be
going to see a doctor.

Either that, or I'll get
Molly to change butchers.

Very funny.
What is this...
Patrick, Patrick,

I got to talk to you.

What is it?

Look, let me
ask you something.

You're Mr. Ten Commandments,
right?

How bad a sin is adultery?

You're cheating on Molly?

[Sighs]
No, I'm not
cheating on Molly.

But, you know, I am
starting to get feelings...

for other women now,
and, uh, I was just wondering,

if I did give in
to temptation, then...

how bad a sin is that?

It's horrible.

Jack, you can't do it.

First of all,
it's a big-time sin.

Second of all, I love Molly.

You can't do something
like that to her.

Why would you ever
want to cheat on Molly?

She's the greatest.

Yeah, I know, I know,
but,

you know, sometimes you need
a change in your life.

I mean, I don't want
to do anything,

but, you know, Molly and I
have been together
almost five friggin' years.

I'm stunned.
I can't believe this.

You're actually considering...

sticking your penis
into another woman.

[Laughs]
Well, that's usually
how it works.

Jack, you gotta fight it.

That's... It's just
not fair to Molly.

Inasmuch as we don't
believe in it,

I would say get a divorce
before you do something
like that.

Who is she?

It's nobody, really.
I'm-I'm just thinking.

Come on, Jack.
She's somebody.

She's nobody, okay?
And don't say a word
to Barry either, all right?

Of course not.
And listen.

Don't forget
to wipe yourself, all right?

I mean, how do you know...

whether the one you're with
is or is not
your true soul mate?

And then, what if
you let them go...

and never find anybody
to replace them?

Yeah, but I think you're
better off being alone...

than being with somebody
that isn't your true soul mate.

Anyway, sometimes you've
just got to take chances.

You know, uh,
speaking of chances...

well, not taking them...

You know, I al...
I always sort of wanted
to ask you out in high school.

But, you know, you were always
with Sully or something.

Never did.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, you should have.

[Door Closes]

So, um...

So what are you
gonna do now?

Well, after I canceled
my wedding, I, um...

I reevaluated
my whole life, and...

I became a vegetarian...
[Chuckles]

A pro-choice activist,
and I, uh...

I abandoned Catholicism.

Really?

Wait. But I remember
a summer you were going
away to that convent.

But you were gonna
be a nun!
What is this?

Why would you abandon
Catholicism?

Because I, um...
I tried to figure out
why I said yes to James,

and that's when it hit me.

I mean, I thought I had
to get married, you know?

What's a single Catholic girl
gonna do if she doesn't
get married?

I mean, I can't have
premarital sex,

but if I do have sex,
I can't use birth control.

But if I don't use birth control
and I get pregnant,
I can't have an abortion,

so what's a girl
supposed to do...

while she's waiting around
for Prince Charming to show up?

I mean, Christ,
I can't even masturbate!

Tell me about that one.

If I masturbated
as much as I wanted to,

I swear to God,
I would live in a constant
state of guilt.

[Laughing]
Not to mention
hospitalization.

I know. It's crazy.
You just-

You can't be Catholic
and have a healthy sex life.
You just-

Unless you find your true love.

Well, yeah, okay. Then...
Then and only... then.

I need to talk to you.

What do you want?

Susan, I think I deserve
an explanation.

You think you deserve
an explanation?
Yes!

All right. Well, this is gonna
knock your Catholic socks
right off.

The current situation is,
I'm pregnant.

You're pregnant
with my baby?

I've only been
with you, Patrick.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
You're pregnant
with my baby?

How did this happen?
I thought we were
taking every precaution.

I even wore two rubbers at once!
I thought you were on the pill.

I thought you were
on top of this!
I was. I still am.

The pill's only 99% effective.

Well, we fell
into that one percent.

[Groans]

So, why would you want
to break up with me now?

I mean, under the current
circumstance, I would figure
you'd want to get married.

Hello!
Patrick, I'm 21 years old.
I don't want to have a baby.

If we got married,
you'd want me to have
the baby, right?

Of course.

Why? What else
would you do?

I'm going to have
an abortion.

An abortion?

You can't have an abortion!
That's against everything
I believe in!

[Laughs]
The last time I checked,
the baby was in my stomach...

and not in yours,
so I'll make the decision.

That child is half mine.
Not anymore.

Listen, Patrick,
I-I've got to go. Um, I'm sorry.

[Sighs]
I knew you wouldn't agree
with my decision,

so that's why I did
what I did.

[Church Bells Ringing]

[Thinking]
I'm going to hell.

Jack,

do you believe in hell?

Hey, I haven't done
anything yet, okay?

I'm not talking
about you anyway.

I think I'm going to hell.

Oh, Jesus Christ, altar boy.

Why are you going
to hell this time?

First of all,
I had sex with Susan
out of wedlock.

[Scoffs]
So big deal.

Now I find out...

the reason
she breaks up with me
is because...

she's pregnant.

And now...

now she's having
an abortion.

Oh, you're shitting me.

You got her pregnant?

Yeah.

[Sighs]

Well, just be thankful
she's getting an abortion.

Relax.
You're not going to hell.

She's having an abortion.
Can you believe that?

Good. Good for her.

"Good for her."
Well, what about me?

I am a Catholic.
My life is over.
I'm going to hell.

[Laughs]

You know
what you should do?

You should come
to California with me.

Oh, solution of solutions.

When are you
going to California?

As soon as I can
get enough money.

I've already got 2,000 saved,
and all I need is
another two grand,

and I can buy
this beautiful mint cherry...

1970 Chevelle
I've had my eye on.

As soon as I can get
the money, I'm gone.

Drive cross-country.

Hey, that sounds great.

I could use
some adventure like that.

If you can come up with $2,000,
we can leave tomorrow.

Sure you could stand
to be alone with me
all that time?

It's a pretty long trip.

Well, I asked you,
didn't I?

Yeah.

[Laughs]

[Laughs, Sighs]

What's this?

I thought you said
you didn't eat meat.

Only on Fridays.

[Laughs]

What's wrong with you?

You've been acting
strange all day.

Look, I just don't feel
that this is right.

I mean, for Christ's sakes,
don't you have
any guilt at all?

[Chuckles]
Don't get so high
and mighty on yourself, Jack.

In case you haven't noticed,
you're the one who's been
calling me lately,

not the other way around.

Look, I'm sorry.

This whole thing has just
got my head a little bit
screwed up right now.

You're having an affair.
It's not a big fucking deal.

Well, it is to me.

I mean, I don't like
what I'm doing.

And I don't want
to hurt Molly.

I love her.

Get over yourself, Jack.

If you loved Molly so much,
you wouldn't be
running into the city...

jumping into my bed
every chance you get.

Great.
You know what?

Do me a favor.
I don't want to be
part of your confusion.

Don't bother coming up.

Call me when you get a grip.

Damn!

What? You got a problem?

You did it.

I did nothing, okay?

Oh, Jack,
I told you not to do it.

That is a big-time sin.

Not to mention what effect
it's gonna have on Molly,
your marriage.

Yeah? Well, you better not
say a word to Molly.

Or to Barry either.
You hear me?

What the...

Jack, I wouldn't think of it.
Jesus!

It was that Ann...

that Barry used to see,
wasn't it?

Look, I fucked up, okay?

I mean, I know I didn't
do the right thing, but I felt
I had to do it anyway.

Look, I love Molly.
You know I really do.

But who says
you gotta be 100% faithful
to your wife anyway?

- Just isn't natural.
- God said.

Well, fuck God!
All right?

Why should I
spend all my time
and waste all my faith...

on something I have
absolutely no proof
ever even existed?

Patrick, I'm a man.

I had a certain urge,
and I acted on it.

And I don't see that
as being such
a big deal.

"Fuck God"?

Well, that's a big deal
for Molly, don't you think?

You're gonna have
to make a choice, Jack.

You can't go on this way.

Well, first of all, Patrick,
this isn't your problem
to worry about, all right?

Second of all,
I know what I gotta do.

Hey, Jack?

I really hope you do, man.

Where the hell
is that train already?

[Audry]
Hey, Finn,
come sit by me.

Hey, you want to see
my new ring?
[Laughs]

I've seen the ring.

Tell me
what it's called again.

It's called a claddagh ring.

The hands represent friendship,

and the crown on top
represents loyalty.

Well, what about
the heart?

The heart represents,
you know,

a deeper sort of friendship.

You know, like a...
just like a deep friendship.

Friendship?

Yeah.
Not love?

No.

I mean, you know, I, uh...

I guess the heart could be
looked at as love.

But enough about
the goddamn ring.

Tell me... Did you read
the script yet or what?

How could I have read it?
I just got it
this afternoon.

You're gonna read it
tonight, though?

I promise. By the time
I go to sleep tonight,
it will have been read.

Promise?

Barry, I'll read
the script.

[Door Opens, Closes]
Patrick, what happened?

Let me guess.
You're not going
to California anymore?

Can someone lend me 10 bucks
for the train, please?
She wants you back?

She wants me back.

What about the baby?

She had a miscarriage.

Oh, my God!
Geez.

Talk about
the luck of the Irish.
Yeah, yeah...

Jack!
It's great,
isn't it?

Listen, can I have
the 10 bucks?
I'm gonna miss my train.

Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

[Door Opens, Closes]

[Giggles]
Hey!

So, guess what.

I spoke to Daddy,
and he said...

that he's going to buy you
that one-bedroom
on the first floor,

so that way, we can at least
be in the same building,

and then,
after we're married,
we can move into...

that beautiful two-bedroom
on the fourth floor.

He's gonna pay
for me to live
in the same building with you?

Of course!

Well, you know,
he loves me, and I love you,
so he loves you and, uh...

He wants you to start off
working in the sales
department.

He feels like it's
the best way for you
to learn the business.

Susan, I don't know
if I can work for your father.

Why not? Hmm?

Because he's done
so much for me already.
Aw!

Don't be silly.
[Kisses Loudly]

It's gonna be great,
Patrick.

We're gonna move in.
Everything will be fine.

And you know what?
I was thinking...
[Continues, Indistinct]

[Thinking]
Oh, God, I thank you.

I thank you for letting her
have that miscarriage.

But just look at these sweaters.

...people over,
you know, like Mary
and Stewart and...

Patrick?
[Laughs]

Patrick, are you
listening to me?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Listen, Susan, I'm sorry,

but I don't want to work...

in the garment district, okay?

And I don't want to live
in the same building with you.

Why not?

Because I... Because I want
to move on with my life.

And because I don't
love you anymore.

[Gasps]

You don't love me
anymore?

Get out of here.

Get out!

Get out of here, Patrick!
Leave!

Patrick, leave.
Get out. Come on.
Fine.

Leslie!

I need to talk to you.

Patrick! What's up?

You were serious when
you asked me to come to
California with you, right?

Yeah.

Well, how do you feel
about me?

What do you mean?

Well... I mean,
how do you feel about me?

I mean, remember yesterday
when we were talking about
finding your true love...

and how great
that must be?

Yeah.

Well, I think I got
a pretty good idea.

[Sighs]

I don't mean that.
I mean, I mean that,

but what I mean is,
I want to go
to California with you.

Well, good! I want you
to come to California with me.

I know. I know.
You said that.

But how do you feel
about me?

What do you mean?
I mean, do you mean do I...

No, no, no.
You don't have
to say the words.

I just want to know
if you have any idea,

I mean,
any feeling in that way...
just something?

Yeah.

Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah?
Yeah.

But you know
I'm not Catholic anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

I thought about that,

and I don't give a shit.

[Laughs]

[Machine Chugging]

What are you doing out here
all by your Ionesome?

Just thinkin'.

It's awful quiet without
those guys around here, huh?

Hey, listen.

I was thinking maybe
we should take a vacation
sometime soon.

Someplace warm.
What do you think?

I don't want to
run away from here to
work out our problems, Jack.

This is our home.

If you feel like
you've got something
you gotta work out,

let's just do it right here.

Problems?
What are you talking about?

What problems
do we have, Jack?

Are you that far removed
from this relationship?

Listen, I realize
I've been a little
distant lately, but-

Distant, Jack?
We haven't had sex
in months!

Why don't you scream it a little
louder so the whole fuckin'
neighborhood can hear you?

Listen, I'm going through
a weird period in my life
right now.

I mean, it seems like
it was just yesterday
I was a kid in high school,

and all of a sudden
I'm 33 years old and thinking
about starting a family?

Okay, come on, Jack.
You're just about
15 years too early...

to be having
your midlife crisis.

I don't want to become
like my father...

a miserable fuckin' prick
who isn't there for you,

isn't there for the kids.

The thing is,

I don't even know
if I could be a good father.

That's bullshit, Jack,
and you know it.

Don't use kids
as your excuse.

The way your father is
is the exact reason why
you would be a great father.

You know that
I would never ask you
for a divorce.

And I'm willing to wait for you
to do whatever it is that you
feel like you've gotta do.

But, you know,
out of respect for me,

and out of respect
for what we've had
and what we still could have,

if you feel like
you've got to go
do something...

What the hell
are you talking about?

I'm not a fool, Jack.

[Thinking]
Dad, I just stopped by today
to say good-bye...

and to let you know
that I'm not gonna be
the kind of man that you were.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

Hey, Pat.

Hey.

Can you talk?

Yeah. What's up?

I got- I got a problem.

What is it?

It's Audry.

Man, Marty thinks...

something really big
is gonna happen
with the script.

He thinks they're gonna want me
to come out to California.

He said, you know,
some really big-name actresses
are interested in the lead.

Okay.

So...
So where's the problem?

What am I gonna do
about Audry?

I mean, I promised her
the part.

Do you love her?

I might.

So now you finally
get a decent script
on your hands,

and you're gonna
throw your inspiration
right out the window.

Just when things
are starting to happen for me,

I got to go fall in love.

Is something bothering you?

You've been very distant
the last few days.

No, I just-
I got a lot on my mind,
that's all.

I spoke to Henry last night.

He wants me
to come back to Virginia.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

What do you want me to do?

I don't want you
to go back to Virginia
and marry Henry.

But you don't know
if you want to continue this
relationship either, do you?

I don't know what I want to do
about anything right now, Audry.

You mean you don't know
what you want to do about us.

I mean, everything happened
so quickly for us.

I mean, it took me
by surprise, I guess.

I thought we'd
go out for a few drinks,
have a few laughs.

And instead?
And instead, we got-

You know,
we got really serious.

- And that scares you?
- Yeah, that fuckin' scares me.

So...

what do we do now?

I don't know.

What do you think
we should do?

I don't know.

I just want to
be with you, Barry.

I don't know
if that's possible
anymore, Audry.

I... I just need some time
to figure some things out.

Maybe we should
spend some time away
from one another...

and see how that works out.

Well, I'll wait for you
for a little while,
but I can't wait forever.

Okay. I'm gonna go home now.

I'll see you around then?

[Birds Chirping]

[Patrick]
It's Palm Sunday.

I went to church.

Congratulations.

So, what did you
give up for Lent?

I gave up resolutions
this year.

Convenient.

You know you made
a mistake, Barry.

She doesn't want
a husband, man.

She wants you.

It's the same thing,
as far as I'm concerned.

No, it's not
the same thing.
It's not.

[Sighs]
You get one chance in this
life if you're lucky.

Yeah, I'm sure there'll
be others, Pat.

No, there won't.

Just think about Mom.

Don't start
with that shit again.

Barry, if you just took
one second to look at yourself,

you might discover
what you truly want.

Oh, yeah?
And what's that?

Why don't you fuckin'
tell me what that is, huh?

To ask her to marry you.

Oh, I didn't know
you were home.

Yeah. I'm trying to find
some Fitzgerald stories
for class tomorrow.

Remember this?

Yeah.

Think we've lost the romance
from our marriage?

No. I just don't think
you're interested anymore.

You know, I think
that sometimes...

in our lives
when we start to grow
accustomed to things,

we start to, uh...

to not see them anymore,
you know, or to kind of
look past them.

And we sort of
have a tendency to,

I don't know, want
something new and different,
'cause we feel like...

that's gonna fulfill
whatever it is that seems
to be missing in our lives.

But it doesn't.

And so I think that we just
need to look back at what
we do have in our lives...

and try to remember what
it was that brought us there
in the first place.

You know?

So, uh...
So why'd you do it, Jack?

I mean, what didn't I
do for you?

What are you talking about?

I know that
you've been seeing
someone else, okay?

I found your rubbers.

What rubbers?
Oh, come on, Jack!

I don't want to have
to fight for you!

Why can't you just be a man
and admit it?

What do you want me
to say?

When did you become
such a fucking coward?

I want you to
tell me the truth, okay?
Did you do it?

Why? Jack, why?

Honey, I am so sorry.

I just want to be
with you again.

[Sighs]
I don't know, you know?

I think it's gonna take
a long time.

I know. I know.

Is it over?

Yes, it's over.

Did you love her?

No.

[Patrick]
Jesus Christ!

[Leslie Laughs]
What's wrong?

I don't know.
[Laughs]
Aw.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I think so.
[Laughs]

I don't-
[Sighs]
Did you?

Yeah. Yeah.

Why can't you?

Well... Well...
Yeah. I can.

I'm just a...
a little nervous.

Aw. Why? What's wrong?

[Sighs]
Listen.

There's something
I gotta tell you.

What is it?

I got the money.

What money?

The 2,000.

My brother
wrote me a check.

For the... Oh, my God!
You mean we're going?

As soon as you want.

[Screams]
I love you!

Hey. That's just
the kind of guy I am.

[Laughs]

Did you go
to Dublin for these?

Yeah.
How's the jelly roll, huh?

I can't believe
this is it.

Told you I'd be
out of your hair
by Easter.

I can't believe you're
actually going through
with this.

I didn't think you had
balls big enough
for a stunt like this.

Really.

It's got nothing
to do with my balls, man.
[Scoffs]

[Laughs]
You know?

It's got everything
to do with my heart.
[Clears Throat]

You know, when you find
your true companion...

Stop. Stop
right there, please.
Ah, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we've all had
enough true love talk to
last us a fuckin' lifetime.

[Laughs]
Speaking of which,
you, uh...

you decided
what you're gonna do
with Audry?

No. Nah,
I don't know.

I don't know about you guys,

but these past few weeks
have really been special for me.

I mean, living under
the same roof again...

I mean, it really felt like
a home, you know?
Like a family.

Yeah. Despite the fact
that there wasn't
a psychotic drunk...

screaming for beers
and beating the shit
out of us every day.

[Laughs]

What was some of that
crazy shit he used to say to us
when he had half a bag on?

"Shut your fuckin' mouth
when you're talkin' to me, pal!"

Yeah, and...
and the time I came home
in my new varsity jacket,

and I was really
proud of it,
and I was like,

"Hey, Dad, what do you think
of my new jacket?
And he was like,

"Why don't you
get another one in blue
and burn the both of them."

I remember he always
used to say to me,

"Hey, shit for brains,

the only thing I want
to hear out of you
is nothing."

[Patrick Laughs]
Fuckin' prick.

"What a prick" is right.

So what time are you
and Leslie leaving?

Oh, well, she wants
to get on the road
bright and early, so...

She's figuring 5:00...
5:00 a.m.
That's early.

Yeah.

You guys
be up for a good-bye
at that time?

I don't think so.
[Laughs]

I think you could bet your ass
that I'm not gonna be up
at 5:00 in the morning.

Well, I guess
this is it then.

Yeah.

Thanks, Jack.

Anytime, man.

I'll get you that cash back
as soon as I can.

Whenever.

A handshake will do
for me, fruitcake.

Not for me, Barry.

That's enough.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Phone Rings]

Hello?

No, Marty.
Barry's not here right now.

Yeah.
He should be here soon.

Everything's fine. I...
Listen, I got to go.
I can't talk right now.

Bye.

[Sighs]

What's going on
with all these bags?

All your stuff's
in the blue bag.

What do you mean?
Are you going someplace?

- I'm moving out.
- What do you mean?
Where are you going?

I'm going home to New Jersey
to take care of my dad
for a while.

How come?

What do you mean,
"How come?"
Because you're a coward.

Hey, I just don't think
this is the right time...

for me to get involved
in a serious relationship.

And why is that?
Because as
a big-time director,

you can't be tied down?

Don't want to miss out
on all the action
you could be getting?

What is that?
Is that what you think?

Is that why you think
I'm breaking this off?

Can you give me
another reason?
Yeah!

Because I'm gonna be busy,
you know?

I mean, I'm not gonna
have time for this,
for us.

[Groans]
You know what?

You can have this back.
I don't want it.

Hey, Audry, you knew
from day one that
I wasn't interested...

in letting this become,
you know...
you know, too serious.

I don't care what we thought
was going to happen.

I fell in love with you,
and I think you fell in love
with me too. Didn't you?

Come on. You know,
let's not get into this,
all right?

Just answer the question.
It won't kill you.

What do you want me to say?
All right?

I mean...

Okay, yeah.
I do love you.

Then why are you doing this?

Because you know what?
I don't want to be in love.

All right?
And I don't want a wife,

and I don't want
a family either.

Who ever said anything
about marriage and a family?

I'm sorry, Audry.
It just-

It just can't be.

[Phone Rings]

Go ahead and answer it.
It's Marty.

You got what you wanted.

[Ringing Continues]

Hello?

Hey, wait.
Hold on a second.
[Footsteps Departing]

Hey, Audry, wait a second.

I'm sorry
it had to be like this.

I love you, Barry,

and I'll never love anyone
the way I love you.

But I'm not gonna be
like your mom
and wait 35 years for you.

Hey, Audry, come on.
Hold up.

Hey, Marty.
Sorry about that.

No. No. It's nothing.

Yeah. You know what?
Listen, I can't-
I can't talk about this.

All right?
I gotta go. I gotta go.

Hey, Barry.

♪ I will remember you ♪

♪ Will you remember me? ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ I'm so tired
that I can't sleep ♪

♪ Standing on the edge
of something much too deep ♪

♪ It's funny how we feel so much
but we cannot say a word ♪

♪ We are screaming inside
Oh, we can't be heard ♪

♪ And I will remember you ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Will you remember me? ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ To be loved, loved,
loved, loved, loved ♪

♪ So afraid to love you ♪

♪ More afraid to lose ♪

♪ Clinging to a past
that doesn't let me choose ♪

♪ Where once there was
a darkness ♪

♪ A deep and endless night ♪

♪ You gave me everything
you had ♪

♪ Oh, you gave me light ♪

♪ And I will remember you ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Will you remember me? ♪

♪ To be loved, loved ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ I will remember you ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Will you remember me? ♪

♪ To be loved, loved ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ To be loved,
loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪♪

English - US - PSDH