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Previously on The Last Man On Earth...
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- Jasper.
- There is a little boy out there
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who's confused and freaked out.
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Have you ever been painted?
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We're going back to
my place after dinner,
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and I'm gonna paint you.
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- You're a serial killer.
- I swear I've changed.
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You got to believe me.
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I don't kill anymore.
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Jasper?
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Hi.
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Okay, let's call it a night
and hit it again tomorrow.
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00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:27,600
Hey, gals.
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- Any luck finding Jasper?
- No sign.
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Then you'll be happy to know
that we did have some luck.
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Here, come with us.
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Shh. Easy.
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Easy. We don't want to scare him off.
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Ladies and gentlewomen,
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feast your eyes on... this.
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I got him.
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What the hell?
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Hi, I'm Karl.
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Blanks.
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So, yeah, this is Karl.
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Karl, this is the group.
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Sorry. It wasn't my idea.
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Found him on our search for Jasper,
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and that little rascal,
Todd, thought this would be
30
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a fun way to introduce him.
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I couldn't talk him out of it.
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Ugh, so Jasper is...
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- Still out in the wild? Yeah.
- Idiot.
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Don't call Karl an
idiot. He is our guest.
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Now, come on. Don't be shy.
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Karl doesn't bite. Do you, Karl?
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Nope.
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No.
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Okay, okay. I got another one.
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What's the worst thing
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a prison guard could find at a wedding?
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An open bar.
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Very fun.
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So, Karl,
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I'm still trying to figure out
how you got trapped in there.
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I mean, don't guards have all the keys?
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So many keys.
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Like, name a number of keys,
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and it would be more than that.
50
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But the main door locks,
51
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they were code-based,
52
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and I would always forget the code.
53
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So much so that they called
me The Code Forgetter.
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The Code Forgetter.
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Ugh. And I had to sit there and take it,
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'cause it's so true.
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Anyway, I needed a change,
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so I came down to Mexico.
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I took up painting, flamenco dancing.
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I mean, the whole nueve.
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That's, uh, Spanish for nine.
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Spanish for nine. Yeah, knew it.
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Ocho is eight.
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Yeah, life was perfect...
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and then the virus struck.
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It took my wife and her son...
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and his kids and his grandkids.
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Towards the end, it was just me
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and this one other prisoner.
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He was a serial killer.
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Killed a lot of people.
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And get this:
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he would eat them.
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- What?
- Gross.
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No.
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I mean, who would do that?
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That's sick, in my opinion,
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but, after some time,
we formed a friendship.
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I mean, talk about an odd couple:
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a guy who eats people,
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and a guy who keeps
people-eaters locked up.
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I, of course, being the latter.
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I feel like it's important
for me to get in there, again,
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how strongly I'm against
the use of people as food.
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Yeah, you mentioned that already.
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I was just emphasizing my point.
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They used to call me
The Point Emphasizer.
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I thought they called
you The Code Forgetter.
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- Yeah, but also The Point Emphasizer.
- Well, man,
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you must be some kind of saint,
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'cause I could never be friends
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with a psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est like that.
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I guess I am kind of forgiving.
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That's why they called
me The Everyone Forgiver.
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- You sure had a lot of nicknames.
- Yeah.
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They used to call me
The Nickname Accumulator.
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Anyway, look.
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I'm gonna go hit the hay.
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I honestly never thought
I'd get this chance again,
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so thank you.
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- Good night.
- Good night.
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Aw.
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What a neat guy.
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Yep. Handsome.
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Ah, wow.
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- Something smells delicious.
- Oh.
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Well, you must be
smelling something else,
108
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'cause it smells like hell in here.
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I-I just burned my hair on
that fricking curling iron.
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Burned my finger, too.
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Oh.
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That's what the smell was?
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Yuck. That is awful.
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Pee-yew. I mean, who could
possibly like a smell like that?
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Disgusting smell.
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Ah.
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I'm really glad you're here.
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Erica's birthday's coming up,
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and I wanted to get her something nice,
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and you mentioned
that you used to paint.
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I was wondering
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if you'd consider doing a portrait of me
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that I could give her?
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I don't paint anymore.
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Just a lot of bad
emotional connections to it,
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so it's a real...
talk-to-the-hand for me.
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Sorry. Sad face.
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00:05:03,623 --> 00:05:04,722
Oh, yeah. That's cool.
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I'll just get her a
candle or Lamborghini
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- or something.
- You know, for a burn,
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you don't need a Band-Aid.
You just have to apply ice.
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Human flesh cooks so fast it just...
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gets a-away from you in a hurry.
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Is what I heard from my uncle,
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because he...
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worked at a burn...
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firm.
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A burn firm?
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A firm for burns.
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Anyway, ice is best.
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Okay. Well, I don't need this, then.
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Go get some ice, then.
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Ugh. You're not that
person anymore. Stop it.
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Oh, God. Get it together.
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You've changed.
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You okay, Karl?
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Oh, uh... Yeah, I was just, uh,
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overcome with emotion
for about six seconds.
149
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I'm just excited to see a piano.
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I actually met my wife
at a dueling piano bar.
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So you play?
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Yeah. Sure.
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Yes. I mean, you know,
only semiprofessionally.
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Oh, wow. Would you mind
playing something for me?
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Uh...
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I'm a little rusty,
so no judgment, okay?
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♪ B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets ♪
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♪ Oh, but they're
weird and wonderful ♪
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♪ Oh, Bennie, she's really keen ♪
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♪ She got electric boots ♪
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♪ A mohair suit ♪
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♪ You know I read it ♪
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♪ In a magazine ♪
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♪ It's B-Bennie and the Jets ♪
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♪ Bennie, Bennie ♪
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♪ Bennie ♪
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♪ Bennie and the Jets. ♪
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Still got it.
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Excuse me.
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Oh, God. Oh.
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Hey...
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You ready to go, Melissa?
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Uh, about that...
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I'm going to propose something,
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and it's going to be unpopular.
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I doubt it. What is it, hon?
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I think we should stop
searching for Jasper.
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- What are you talking about, hon?
- Why?
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Well, the last thing he needs
is us breathing down his neck.
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And that's what drove him
away in the first place.
181
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,285
So, what, we just leave him out there?
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He was doing fine on his
own before we came along.
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And what-what if we did
find him? Would we ground him
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for running away?
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Uh, to start.
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That worked well last time.
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And then what?
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Well, we'll tell him
how much we love him.
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And how-how much it
scares us that he ran off,
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and that it would just kill us
if something happened to him.
191
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,136
I mean, I just can't sleep
192
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knowing he's out there.
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He just can't do this to us!
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I mean, does he want me to
have another heart attack?
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I mean, come on, Jasper!
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00:08:42,994 --> 00:08:44,939
That's a healthy energy
for him to come back to.
197
00:08:45,036 --> 00:08:47,166
Melissa, we can't stop looking for him.
198
00:08:47,203 --> 00:08:50,197
And I'm telling you if we want
any chance of him coming back,
199
00:08:50,222 --> 00:08:52,216
we have to stop looking for him.
200
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,407
Sorry, Melissa. I just can't do it.
201
00:08:54,432 --> 00:08:55,498
Yeah.
202
00:08:55,523 --> 00:08:56,555
I'm with Todd.
203
00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:58,077
Sorry, Melissa.
204
00:09:04,232 --> 00:09:05,926
Gail?
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00:09:05,951 --> 00:09:07,904
Erica?
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00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:09,334
Anybody?
207
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:18,462
What's going on in here?
208
00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:19,900
Nothing.
209
00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:23,612
I was, uh... taking the trash out.
210
00:09:24,338 --> 00:09:26,589
Taking the trash out, huh?
211
00:09:30,010 --> 00:09:31,211
Why?
212
00:09:32,247 --> 00:09:34,147
Because it's full.
213
00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:35,727
Taking the trash out
214
00:09:35,752 --> 00:09:38,152
because it's full, huh?
215
00:09:38,885 --> 00:09:41,155
Yeah, taking the trash
out because it's full.
216
00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:44,370
Taking the trash out
217
00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:46,293
'cause it's full.
218
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,778
Trash. Out.
219
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:51,418
Full.
220
00:09:57,767 --> 00:10:00,307
Something's a little weird about you.
221
00:10:01,181 --> 00:10:02,891
Isn't it, partner?
222
00:10:02,916 --> 00:10:04,703
Oh, you think?
223
00:10:04,728 --> 00:10:06,347
Been trapped in a prison for six years.
224
00:10:06,382 --> 00:10:08,758
Six years, huh?
225
00:10:08,783 --> 00:10:11,051
'Cause the virus
happened four years ago.
226
00:10:11,087 --> 00:10:13,120
It, well, uh... it felt like six.
227
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,971
Yeah.
228
00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:20,743
So, uh, remind me.
229
00:10:21,546 --> 00:10:23,444
What kind of "penis" are you?
230
00:10:23,469 --> 00:10:24,568
What?
231
00:10:24,593 --> 00:10:26,333
Pianist.
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00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:30,873
What kind of "penis" are you?
233
00:10:31,544 --> 00:10:33,307
I'm semiprofessional.
234
00:10:34,364 --> 00:10:36,058
If you say so.
235
00:10:37,113 --> 00:10:40,314
Hey, have at it.
236
00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:48,995
You're out of here, trash!
237
00:10:53,072 --> 00:10:54,377
Excuse me.
238
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,592
Okay, we have to talk about Karl.
239
00:11:19,617 --> 00:11:21,422
Something is up with this gal.
240
00:11:21,457 --> 00:11:24,291
I just caught him rooting
around in Gail and Erica's trash.
241
00:11:24,326 --> 00:11:27,246
He said he was taking it
out, but it was so weird.
242
00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:30,406
I felt compelled to write
down all the details.
243
00:11:32,209 --> 00:11:35,568
_
244
00:11:35,849 --> 00:11:37,542
I mean, who in their right mind
245
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:39,273
digs through someone's stuff like that?
246
00:11:39,308 --> 00:11:41,863
Uh, you sure do. Just last week
247
00:11:41,888 --> 00:11:44,344
I caught you digging through
Erica's skivvy drawer.
248
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:46,943
Uh, th-that was, uh, research
249
00:11:46,968 --> 00:11:49,049
for a, uh, birthday, uh, gift.
250
00:11:49,085 --> 00:11:51,804
Yeah. Uh, and thanks
for ruining the surprise.
251
00:11:51,829 --> 00:11:52,928
Spoiler, Erica.
252
00:11:52,953 --> 00:11:54,321
You got some nice
panties coming your way.
253
00:11:54,356 --> 00:11:56,670
- Ugh.
- Okay, look, let's consider
254
00:11:56,695 --> 00:11:57,991
all the evidence thus far.
255
00:11:58,308 --> 00:12:00,308
Chick has, like, ten nicknames.
256
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,105
Chick said he was trapped in prison
257
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:04,651
for six years, even
though it was only four.
258
00:12:04,676 --> 00:12:07,558
Chick claims to be a
semiprofessional pianist
259
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:10,933
but sounds more like Liberace
taking a dump on a chalkboard.
260
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,673
And, in case you forgot,
261
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,337
referring you back to this.
262
00:12:14,362 --> 00:12:15,408
Sounds like he's just
263
00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:17,073
being a good housemate to me.
264
00:12:17,098 --> 00:12:18,312
Erica, my instincts tell me
265
00:12:18,380 --> 00:12:20,947
you're wrong as a dong all day long,
266
00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:22,116
and it's daylight savings.
267
00:12:22,151 --> 00:12:25,018
Well, my instincts tell me
that if you don't like him,
268
00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:27,221
that probably ensures
he's a pretty good guy.
269
00:12:27,256 --> 00:12:28,936
And what's that supposed to mean?
270
00:12:28,961 --> 00:12:31,225
It means you're a horrible
judge of character.
271
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:34,266
Oh, uh, name one character misjudgment.
272
00:12:34,602 --> 00:12:36,702
Pat. Pamela.
273
00:12:36,727 --> 00:12:38,198
Lewis. Phil.
274
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:40,267
That's four. I said name one.
275
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,269
Tandy, you tried to kill
Todd when you first met him.
276
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,586
Okay, in fairness... and I think
that Todd would admit this...
277
00:12:45,611 --> 00:12:47,246
He was a real dick in the beginning.
278
00:12:47,271 --> 00:12:48,691
I mean, I hate to say it,
279
00:12:48,716 --> 00:12:50,310
Tandy, but if I remember correctly,
280
00:12:50,379 --> 00:12:54,698
you weren't too crazy
about me when we first met.
281
00:12:54,723 --> 00:12:55,925
How about this?
282
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:57,594
Maybe just this once
283
00:12:57,619 --> 00:12:59,024
take that hunch to lunch
284
00:12:59,049 --> 00:13:00,849
and give Karl a chunce.
285
00:13:02,803 --> 00:13:04,669
Maybe you're right.
286
00:13:07,361 --> 00:13:08,596
Mmm.
287
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,820
Hey, bud. What you slurping?
288
00:13:09,845 --> 00:13:11,632
Oh, uh... uh, nothing.
289
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:13,233
Just tea. Nothing more. Nothing less.
290
00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:15,269
You certainly seem to be enjoying it.
291
00:13:15,304 --> 00:13:17,070
Oh, is that a crime, now?
292
00:13:17,270 --> 00:13:19,733
Did they outlaw the enjoyment of tea?
293
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,978
Maybe I missed that being locked in jail
294
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:24,604
for four years that felt like six.
295
00:13:25,011 --> 00:13:27,114
I think we started
off on the wrong foot.
296
00:13:27,651 --> 00:13:29,213
Hey, I-I just had twins,
297
00:13:29,238 --> 00:13:31,329
and my hormones are raging,
298
00:13:31,354 --> 00:13:34,563
and my fatherhood instincts
are super engorged.
299
00:13:34,588 --> 00:13:36,156
But that's in the past.
300
00:13:36,181 --> 00:13:37,157
Yeah, and I just want to jump
301
00:13:37,193 --> 00:13:40,260
into this relationship
now and just go hog wild.
302
00:13:40,296 --> 00:13:43,197
Well, frankly, I need a little more time
303
00:13:43,265 --> 00:13:46,333
before I'm ready to let my guard down.
304
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,968
Well, whenever you're ready,
305
00:13:48,003 --> 00:13:50,174
you just let me know.
306
00:13:50,199 --> 00:13:51,866
Enjoy that tizzy.
307
00:13:51,891 --> 00:13:53,090
Tea.
308
00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:13,160
Mmm.
309
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:20,367
Band-Aid tea...
310
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,702
Looks like somebody
just blew their chunce.
311
00:14:29,294 --> 00:14:31,928
You're doing that all wrong.
312
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,106
Oh, my God. You scared me.
313
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,222
I'm doing what all wrong?
314
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,427
Here,
315
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:41,263
give me that old cube.
316
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:43,632
Now, get a nice big new cube.
317
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:46,401
You want to cover the whole area.
318
00:14:53,991 --> 00:14:55,858
What's wrong?
319
00:14:55,883 --> 00:14:57,804
I'm ready to paint again...
320
00:14:57,829 --> 00:15:00,315
- if that offer still stands.
- Oh.
321
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:02,317
Okay, yeah. Let's do it.
322
00:15:02,881 --> 00:15:04,943
- Yes.
- Clothes on or off?
323
00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:06,902
Probably keep mine on, but, um,
324
00:15:06,927 --> 00:15:08,590
I'm gonna go set up my painting area.
325
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,293
- Mm-hmm.
- I like to do it in a private space,
326
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,988
free from distractions.
327
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,530
This way we can really
sink our teeth into it.
328
00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:17,082
That's just an expression.
329
00:15:17,107 --> 00:15:18,500
I'm dying to get started.
330
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:20,402
Famous last words, am I right?
331
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,548
How-How so?
332
00:15:24,449 --> 00:15:26,508
I'm gonna go set up the space.
333
00:15:51,725 --> 00:15:54,269
- Hey, bud.
- Hey.
334
00:15:54,304 --> 00:15:57,505
Look, I know you were skeptical
about my theories on Karl,
335
00:15:57,574 --> 00:15:59,574
so I just wanted to apologize.
336
00:15:59,609 --> 00:16:02,377
And, as a token, I made you a nice meal.
337
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,446
Oh, bud.
338
00:16:04,481 --> 00:16:06,514
Bon appétit.
339
00:16:06,854 --> 00:16:08,854
Are-are tho... are those Band-Aids?
340
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:10,957
Yeah. Yeah, so, uh, dig in.
341
00:16:10,982 --> 00:16:14,042
I got you some salt, pepper,
mustard, ketchup, hot sauce.
342
00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:16,458
Uh, h-heads up, the
hot sauce might dilute
343
00:16:16,493 --> 00:16:18,259
the taste of the congealing blood.
344
00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:19,594
Tandy, I'm not gonna eat this.
345
00:16:19,663 --> 00:16:21,563
Good, more for me.
346
00:16:21,598 --> 00:16:23,375
Thank you. God,
347
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,225
I cut myself earlier, and, ugh,
348
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,937
it just would not stop,
so I have a ton of these.
349
00:16:28,972 --> 00:16:33,008
And, good for me, I
frigging love used Band-Aids.
350
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:35,536
- I'm gonna go mustard.
- Don't... don't do that.
351
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,215
- Tand... Oh, my goodness.
- Mmm.
352
00:16:38,689 --> 00:16:40,797
- Please, don't.
- That's O-positive.
353
00:16:40,822 --> 00:16:42,781
That's disgusting.
354
00:16:42,806 --> 00:16:45,086
Mmm.
355
00:16:45,111 --> 00:16:48,000
So, uh, if you don't mind me asking, uh,
356
00:16:48,025 --> 00:16:49,476
why don't you like eating Band-Aids?
357
00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:52,127
Because it's disgusting and weird.
358
00:16:52,196 --> 00:16:54,362
Eating Band-Aids is
disgusting and weird?
359
00:16:54,398 --> 00:16:55,903
Yeah, bud.
360
00:16:55,928 --> 00:16:58,333
Huh, well, now I'm confused,
361
00:16:58,368 --> 00:17:00,335
because I just saw the very normal
362
00:17:00,404 --> 00:17:02,971
and fully vouched-for Karl chewing on
363
00:17:03,006 --> 00:17:04,306
a used Band-Aid a few hours ago.
364
00:17:04,341 --> 00:17:05,941
But that's okay, right?
365
00:17:05,976 --> 00:17:08,043
Karl was chewing on a Band-Aid?
366
00:17:08,078 --> 00:17:10,378
Sure was, and I would
normally think that's crazy,
367
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,981
but my instincts are all out of whack,
368
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:14,249
so I just shrugged my shoulders
369
00:17:14,318 --> 00:17:17,185
and did nothing, like y'all asked.
370
00:17:17,221 --> 00:17:19,340
Are you serious about this?
371
00:17:19,918 --> 00:17:21,331
Yahoo serious.
372
00:17:21,356 --> 00:17:22,924
Tandy, what do we do?
373
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,684
Something.
374
00:17:28,432 --> 00:17:31,299
Knock, knock. You ready?
375
00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:33,767
I've never been more ready.
376
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,029
It's going great so far.
377
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,831
You're a natural.
378
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,685
I'm getting some real...
379
00:17:52,002 --> 00:17:55,422
Whistler's Mother
vibes from you. Uh-huh.
380
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:57,691
Well, I would have
preferred Stifler's Mother,
381
00:17:57,727 --> 00:17:59,627
but I'll take it.
382
00:18:00,812 --> 00:18:04,210
You didn't tell anyone you
were doing this, did you?
383
00:18:04,235 --> 00:18:07,434
Of course not. Those
goobers can't keep a secret.
384
00:18:07,478 --> 00:18:11,126
I want this to be a surprise for Erica.
385
00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:13,266
I love surprises.
386
00:18:35,423 --> 00:18:37,023
I'll be right back.
387
00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:39,641
Hey.
388
00:18:39,666 --> 00:18:42,670
Where the hell are you going, Karl?
389
00:18:42,738 --> 00:18:45,406
Whatever.
390
00:18:45,474 --> 00:18:47,775
♪ I'm flying over you ♪
391
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:52,580
♪ Good-bye horses ♪
392
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,383
♪ I'm flying over you... ♪
393
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:56,274
Well, that sucks.
394
00:18:56,299 --> 00:18:57,818
Gail, have you seen Karl?
395
00:18:57,853 --> 00:19:00,354
He's...
396
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,623
Let's go.
397
00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:04,735
You've come too far.
398
00:19:04,770 --> 00:19:07,294
These people are your friends.
399
00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:09,451
There has to be another way.
400
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,107
What the hell is he doing?
401
00:19:48,259 --> 00:19:50,699
I don't know, but what I do know
402
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:54,808
is that this situation just
went from serious to grave.
403
00:20:04,728 --> 00:20:06,720
What's the status report? Still digging?
404
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,657
Like a nizzle pizzy in a dizzle stizzy.
405
00:20:09,692 --> 00:20:10,610
What?
406
00:20:10,635 --> 00:20:13,661
- A nosepicker in a dust storm.
- Oh.
407
00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:15,243
Wait, wait, wait.
408
00:20:15,268 --> 00:20:17,345
He's stopping. He's stopping.
409
00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:18,632
Give me an eye, bud.
410
00:20:18,668 --> 00:20:20,801
Yeah. You got it, bud.
411
00:20:23,783 --> 00:20:25,839
- What's he doing?
- Huh.
412
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,681
- He's a fricking weirdo.
- Yeah.
413
00:20:54,314 --> 00:20:57,383
Oh... farts.
414
00:20:59,939 --> 00:21:02,939
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