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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:35,503 * I'm dreaming 2 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:40,141 * Of a white Christmas 3 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:44,212 * Just like the ones I used to know 4 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:50,518 * Where those treetops glisten 5 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:54,288 * And children listen 6 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,490 * To hear 7 00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,027 * Sleigh bells in the snow 8 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,862 * The snow 9 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:05,433 * But then I, I, I'm dreaming 10 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:10,037 * Of a white Christmas 11 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:14,342 * With every Christmas card I write 12 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:20,047 * May your days May your days May your days 13 00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:24,385 * Be merry and bright 14 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:29,557 * And may all your Christmases be white 15 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:36,130 * I, I, I, I'm dreaming 16 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:40,834 * Of a white Christmas 17 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:45,739 * Just like the ones I used to know 18 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,512 * Where the treetops glisten 19 00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:55,483 * And the children listen 20 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,885 * To hear 21 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,989 * Sleigh bells in the snow 22 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,527 * I, I, I, I'm dreaming 23 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:11,799 * Of a white Christmas 24 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,801 * With every 25 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,271 * Christmas card I write 26 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,742 May those days May your days May your days 27 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,045 * Be merry and bright 28 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,349 * Ooh, ooh, ooh 29 00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:32,720 * And may all 30 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,923 * Your Christmases be white 31 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,438 GRACIE: Felix, come back here! 32 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:54,675 You don't deserve to be the father of my child! 33 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:58,111 Come back here with that Santa Claus suit! 34 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,353 You jerk! You ruined our tree! 35 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,488 That tree was absolutely symmetrical! 36 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,990 It took us two hours to find it! It was perfect! 37 00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,959 Nothing's perfect, you cretins! 38 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,127 Stop yelling. You're gonna send her into labor. 39 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,798 She's going into labor now! She is not! She's only seven months pregnant! 40 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,801 All right, stop it! It's Christmas! 41 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,838 It was an accident. Show a little Christmas spirit. MAN: You owe us 40 bucks! 42 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,575 Touch me and I'll sue you for a million dollars! 43 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:32,212 I'm sure Santa will repay you. It was 50 bucks, okay? 44 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,683 We can't even afford to have our baby. Now look what you did! 45 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,452 Mind your own business, Mister! You drove him away! 46 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,921 This is my business. My business is helping people. 47 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,456 Well, you know what? 48 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,725 Merry Christmas! 49 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,190 WOMAN'S VOICE: You have reached the office of Lifesavers. 50 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,159 All lines are busy. 51 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:24,665 If you are truly on the verge of suicide and calling from a touch-tone phone, press one. 52 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,700 If you are merely depressed, 53 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,836 stay on the line. A friendly voice will be with you shortly. 54 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,840 What am I supposed to do? I don't have a touch-tone phone. 55 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,509 Suppose I was on the verge of suicide? 56 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,983 CATHERINE: Merry Christmas. Lifesavers. How may we help you? 57 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,485 WOMAN ON PHONE: I haven't slept for days. 58 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,854 I'm terrified of the Seaside Strangler. 59 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,489 I know he's going to get me. 60 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,991 Do you fit the physical description of his victims? 61 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,594 Are you a very attractive woman with long, dark hair? 62 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,095 Not really. 63 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,564 Although, how long do you think is "long"? 64 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,432 At least to your shoulders. 65 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,601 MAN OVER STATIC: I can't stop worrying about the planet. 66 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:04,004 And what is it about Janet that is worrying you? 67 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,707 Not Janet, the planet. 68 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:10,478 Would you click your phone? There's some static on the line. 69 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:14,181 You know, dear, just click the little button like this. 70 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:17,351 Hmm! 71 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,188 We're not permitted to divulge the personal details of our lives, 72 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,957 but I can assure you I know what you're feeling. 73 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,727 WOMAN: Do you live alone too? 74 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,362 I live with my mother. That's all I can say. 75 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,433 Catherine, you're not supposed to tell them about yourself. 76 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,168 Oh, I could never live with my mother. 77 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,971 That's something to remember. 78 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,573 No matter how bleak things are, 79 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,142 at least you don't live with your mother. 80 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:46,447 Thank you for calling and don't hesitate to call again. Merry Christmas. 81 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,883 May I click for you? 82 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,719 I don't think so, Mrs. Munchnik. 83 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,054 That person wasn't suicidal, only depressed. 84 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,590 But if he or she had not spoken with you, 85 00:05:56,657 --> 00:06:00,494 he or she might have become suicidal, mightn't they? 86 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,998 And where do you suppose Philip is? 87 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,600 I'm sure he'll be here shortly. 88 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,602 Playing around, probably. 89 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:12,640 That's very unfair. Philip is completely true to Susan. 90 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:16,276 Men are not true to anything. They will have sex with a tree. 91 00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:20,814 If you look out the window, you'll see him pulling up on his bicycle at any moment. 92 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,116 I could be having Christmas Eve dinner right now 93 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,985 with all of my dead husband's relatives. 94 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,988 I am not someone with no place to go. 95 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,024 I'm sure you're not. 96 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,096 Merry Christmas. Lifesavers. How may I help you? 97 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,022 Philip! Just the man I'm looking for. 98 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,291 Merry Christmas. You're out. 99 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,560 You can't evict us. 100 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,798 Lifesavers has saved over 1,400 lives this year. Doesn't that mean anything? 101 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,066 Plus, you are three months behind in your rent. 102 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,968 We don't exactly have a cash flow. 103 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,304 After you save someone's life, you can't ask for money. 104 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,807 Doctors can. Aren't you some sort of doctor, Philip? 105 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,441 No. 106 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:24,612 Tell me, in all of your calls, has anybody impaled themselves? 107 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,848 No. Aw! 108 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:30,283 Stanley, how am I gonna tell the people who work for me their jobs are over? 109 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,586 I don't know. Try "you're fired." It works for me. 110 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,188 Does anyone ever drink glass? We're broke. 111 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,290 The state has cut back our funding. 112 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,594 No, they don't drink glass. Stanley, for God sakes, what's the matter with you? 113 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,395 Oh, they must. They must what? 114 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,733 They must drink glass. They must. 115 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,300 January 2. Out! 116 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,202 You don't care, Stanley Tannenbaum. 117 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,204 You're one of the people who doesn't care. 118 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,107 Of course not. I'm the landlord. 119 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,254 Oh, Philip, a tree. 120 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,490 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I'm so glad you could make it. 121 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:13,060 Are you all right? I'm fine! 122 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,928 Temper, temper. 123 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,898 I'm sorry. It's just that everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. 124 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,701 Not everything, Philip. At least we're not being evicted. 125 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,469 And why haven't we been? 126 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,638 Where are the call sheets? Everyone else in the building 127 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:27,741 has received a yellow eviction notice. One hang up! 128 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,477 Dr. Gillespie has received two yellow eviction notices. 129 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,546 One woman worried about the Strangler. 130 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,816 One man about to slit his wrists... 131 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:40,153 Because his nonprofit business is being destroyed by a capitalist maniac! 132 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,890 If we do get evicted, I'm sure Philip will think of something. 133 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,558 That's right. I'll think of something. 134 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,226 When he was in the Peace Corps, 135 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,295 he built an entire Peruvian village. 136 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,064 BOTH: And solved all of their soil erosion problems. 137 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,835 You could see the bright side of a plague. 138 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,904 I'm on my way. 139 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,972 Not without your present! 140 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,678 Merry Christmas, Mrs. Munchnik. 141 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,447 A fruitcake? 142 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,151 Yes. 143 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,387 Remarkably, like the one I gave you last year. 144 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:20,027 Thank you so much, Philip. 145 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,029 Oh, let me help you. 146 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,031 (I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS PLAYING) 147 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,700 * I'll be home 148 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,835 Merry Christmas! 149 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,670 * For Christmas 150 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,811 Say hello to your dead husband's sister for me. Thank you, I will. 151 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,714 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. 152 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,719 * Please have snow 153 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:50,590 * And mistletoe 154 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:56,296 * And presents on the tree 155 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,786 Help! 156 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:24,024 Help! Philip! Catherine! 157 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,626 It's Mrs. Munchnik! 158 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,431 Hello! 159 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,679 What are you doing with that? 160 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,748 It's my protection against the Seaside Strangler. 161 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:52,119 Oh, give me that, honey. We don't know anything about guns. 162 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,222 Oh, Felix, I could have sold that Santa Claus suit 163 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,357 and bought our baby a car seat. 164 00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:01,895 We don't even have a car. What was I supposed to wear? You cut up all my clothes. 165 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,296 I was mad! 166 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,767 Honey, you were mad the day we met. 167 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:12,139 A man on the boardwalk comes up to me and says, "smile." A total stranger. 168 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,242 And you screamed at him, "shut up!" remember? 169 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,777 I did, didn't I? 170 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,746 You were right to. 171 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,881 It was a total invasion of your privacy. 172 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,016 It was. 173 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,686 Hey! Look what I got for you. 174 00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:30,190 This means we can have the baby in the hospital for free! 175 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,760 All we have to do is swear we're completely broke 176 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:36,596 and have absolutely no way of supporting ourselves and never will. 177 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:41,134 Oh, God! Felix, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... 178 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,537 You are the only person in my whole life who's never hurt my feelings. 179 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:49,242 You're a loser. I can't have a loser dropping in and out of my baby's life. 180 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,012 I'm not a loser, I'm an artist. 181 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,748 Why can't you paint on canvas or paper like anyone else? 182 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:58,451 Because, I'm a wall artist! But you don't have a wall! 183 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,720 But someday I will have a wall. 184 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:04,557 Someday I'm gonna do my masterpiece on a great big wall. 185 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,593 Right out there on the boardwalk. 186 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,029 And you're gonna be in it and the baby's gonna be in it. 187 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,899 And the sand and the sea and the stars are gonna be shining! 188 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,401 Mmm, I want a businessman. 189 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,870 What are you talking about? 190 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:20,540 I'm talking about breaking up, Felix. That's what I'm talking about. 191 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,510 Oh, come on, honey. 192 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,778 I'm leaving. 193 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:28,415 Where you going? I'm going for a walk. 194 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,051 Gracie, honey, come on. You're just stressed. 195 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,486 And don't try to follow me either! 196 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,860 Susan! It's Philip. 197 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,230 Uh, uh, let me just go somewhere private where we can talk. 198 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,210 Tannenbaum's evicting us. The bastard! SUSAN: I'm sorry, Philip. 199 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,847 You're gonna have to get another job. PHILIP: Susan, 200 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,482 I've never asked you for money before, but you're a loan officer. 201 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,219 And a small loan, say $5,000, could save us. 202 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,455 I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to tell Catherine. 203 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,724 She's sitting out there knitting something. A potholder. 204 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,462 I hate to talk about money at a time like this. 205 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,264 A time like what? 206 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,632 Oh, God, I don't know how to say this. 207 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:24,838 This is really hard for me. My psychiatrist thinks we should break up. 208 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:29,776 What? I didn't know you were going to a psychiatrist. 209 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:35,015 I'm not actually going to one. I've been dating one for four months. 210 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,683 This is so sudden. 211 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,718 I didn't want to tell you this over the phone. 212 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:43,523 I really wanted to fax you. But you don't even have a fax. 213 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,593 Susan? 214 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,928 Susan? 215 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,906 It's so quiet suddenly. 216 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,174 You'd expect everyone to be thinking of jumping out of windows 217 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,911 or slitting their wrists on Christmas Eve, wouldn't you? 218 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,816 Merry Christmas. Lifesavers. How may we help you? 219 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,251 Hello 220 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,354 Hello? Static again. 221 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,957 Hello Hello? 222 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,625 I can't hear you. 223 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,960 Try clicking the little button. 224 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,262 I'm having a problem hearing. 225 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,765 Look, I'm at the end of my rope, and I want to die. 226 00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,968 Click it. Click it, please. 227 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,169 Go ahead. 228 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,110 Hmm. We were disconnected. 229 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,413 If a person's really upset, they always call back. 230 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,122 It's working. 231 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,628 * Oh, what fun it is to ride in one-horse open sleigh 232 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,999 * Jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way 233 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,935 * Oh, so much fun it is to ride in one-horse open 234 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,470 Help! 235 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,506 Help! Hey! 236 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,709 * I like eating cheese it tastes very nice Help! Help! 237 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,545 I'm stuck up here! * Everyone loves cheese especially white mice 238 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:17,217 Can't you hear me? Hey, Mr. Capshaw! * Jingle, jangle, jing 239 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:20,020 I'm stuck up here! 240 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,155 Can't you hear me? 241 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,656 * Jingle, jangle, jang 242 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,560 * I like to eat stew it tastes very good * 243 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,899 Wait! 244 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,136 Wait! I'm up here! 245 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,505 Are you deaf? 246 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,279 We could have a charity ball. 247 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,648 Who would I take? 248 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,052 We could have a garage sale. 249 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,986 Susan has all my old records. 250 00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,722 Oh, geez! 251 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,326 A call! I'll get it! 252 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,835 Line one. 253 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,740 Hello, this is Lifesavers. Merry Christmas. 254 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,209 CHRIS: Am I disturbing you? 255 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,211 No, no, no, not at all. 256 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,780 I'm very lonely tonight. 257 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,117 Is there any chance I could stop by and talk? 258 00:16:57,184 --> 00:17:01,654 Well, it's not in the rules, but if you are willing to make a donation, say, five grand. 259 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,157 I'm kidding! 260 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,693 Everyone makes fun of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 261 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:10,029 Please, can't I come by? I don't want to be alone. 262 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:13,566 No. No, no, no. We have rules, but we're listening. 263 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,736 Everyone at Lifesavers is with you. 264 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,505 Talk to us. 265 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,541 I'm so alone. "So alone." 266 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,110 Is there anyone in your family you can call? 267 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,344 No, they hate me. 268 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,913 Hate you. What about church? 269 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:30,117 Please, can't I stop by? 270 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,819 I'll only stay a minute. I need to see someone. 271 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,223 Please, just give me the address. 272 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,060 I cannot give out the address. 273 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,230 It's Christmas. 274 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,108 It's 17 Pier Street! Thank you. 275 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,710 I'll be right over. 276 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:07,454 * On the first day of Christmas My true love gave to me 277 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,591 * A partridge in a pear tree 278 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,860 * On the second day of Christmas 279 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,928 * My true love gave to me 280 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,797 Hey, Arnold Schwarzenegger! 281 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,999 Come on, hang some tinsel. 282 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:23,303 Dad, I hate it when you call me that. 283 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:26,139 FAMILY: Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! 284 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:32,345 Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! 285 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:39,051 * On the third day of Christmas My true love gave to me * 286 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,522 Testing. Testing. One, two, three, four. 287 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:47,059 Help! Yoo-hoo! 288 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,498 Hey! 289 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:55,168 Hey! Hey, hey! 290 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:59,806 Hey! Hey, hey! 291 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,874 Yoo-hoo! 292 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,110 Hey! 293 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:08,114 Hey! 294 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,150 * I'm stuck in the elevator 295 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,753 Hey! 296 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,290 * I'm stuck in the elevator get me please 297 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,359 * Come to get me on Christmas Eve 298 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,394 * Mrs. Munchnik sitting here with nothing 299 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,463 * Hey, come to get me... 300 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:30,069 Oh! God. Whoa! Hey! 301 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:35,041 * Come... Now come to get me stuck in this place 302 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,578 * Get me soon or hit me in my face * 303 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,050 I can't believe I did it. 304 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,986 I broke the rule. I gave out our address. 305 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,855 I hate it when they cry. 306 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,757 Especially when the cries have those little hiccups at the end. 307 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,192 This is the worse day of my life. 308 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,428 It's the Santa Anas. Everyone's behaving strangely. 309 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:59,832 What if he's a serial killer? What if I gave our address to the Seaside Strangler? 310 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,701 I don't think the Seaside Strangler phones first, 311 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,838 although it could be one of those details they leave out of the newspapers. 312 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,610 I'll handle this. 313 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,855 Hello, this is Lifesavers. Merry Christmas. How may I help you? 314 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:26,459 MAN: Hello. I'm calling you because this is my last Christmas. 315 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,329 Your last Christmas. Continue. 316 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,932 I have leukemia. I have only two months to live. 317 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,670 Hello? 318 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,072 Leukemia. I'm so sorry, sir. 319 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,375 May I speak to a woman? 320 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,577 May I wish a woman Merry Christmas? 321 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:48,981 Absolutely. And may I say that I admire your courage. 322 00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:52,184 All of us here do. Here is my colleague. 323 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,588 Hello. Merry Christmas, if it's all right to say that. 324 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,391 What's your name? Catherine. 325 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,629 I want to do it to you. I want to stick it in you right now! 326 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,832 Did he say, "stick it in"? Oh, I'm reaming and ramming! 327 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,834 Oh, you love it! Stop it, right this minute! 328 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,769 We can't have that sort of thing! I want you. 329 00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:11,504 Put the slut back on! 330 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:18,277 LOBEL: Dog haters, that awful woman is stuck in the elevator. 331 00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,112 Stuck. I hope forever. 332 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,814 MUNCHNIK: I'm stuck! 333 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,850 We're coming, Mrs. Munchnik! 334 00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,018 LOBEL: I hope it takes them years to get you out. 335 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:29,689 It'll serve you right for reporting Daisy to the landlord. 336 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:31,624 She practically gave me rabies! 337 00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,560 You don't "practically" get rabies. 338 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,196 You either get rabies or you don't get rabies. There's no in between. 339 00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,332 I'll get that! 340 00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,535 PHILIP: What seems to be the problem? I'm sure I don't know. 341 00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:46,739 I am a trained mechanic, and I would happily fix any elevator 342 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,876 that didn't have a dog hater stuck in it! 343 00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,744 I'll check the circuit breaker box. 344 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,180 Well, who was that? Another basket case? 345 00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:56,449 That was your dead husband's sister. 346 00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,985 They're starting dinner without you. Lucky them! 347 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:02,455 CATHERINE: I'm calling the landlord. Don't think I don't know 348 00:22:02,522 --> 00:22:07,827 what's really going on between you and those dogs! 349 00:22:07,894 --> 00:22:10,597 Stanley, if you could just come over, please. STANLEY: I can't. 350 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,099 Please, Stanley? She can't spend Christmas in an elevator. 351 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,934 In a couple of hours. Thank you. 352 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,437 Hello. Lifesavers. 353 00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:19,271 GRACIE: Catherine. Oh, hi, Gracie. 354 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:23,009 Finally, you're off the phone. Don't you ever stop yakking? 355 00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:25,211 We're supposed to talk on the phone. That's why we're here. 356 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:27,814 Yes. Right. Is something wrong? 357 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,816 You've got to let me spend the night at your place. 358 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:32,985 Felix is acting totally irrational. 359 00:22:33,052 --> 00:22:36,689 He ran off in my Santa suit, which I could have sold today. 360 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,525 What? 361 00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:41,961 It's not the fuse box. Of course it's not the fuse box! 362 00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,330 It is a short inside. 363 00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,799 I saw an electrician fix it last week. 364 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:51,203 All you need is a screwdriver, and I will tell you what to do. 365 00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,806 I think there's one in the earthquake kit. 366 00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,174 Catherine! 367 00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:58,545 Hold on a second, Gracie! What is it, Philip? 368 00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,481 Would you get the screwdriver out of the earthquake kit? Oh. 369 00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:04,617 Wait, wait, wait! Do you really think we ought to use it? 370 00:23:04,684 --> 00:23:07,920 Suppose we take it out and forget to put it back and then the big one comes? 371 00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:11,157 There's a law that all businesses, even nonprofit, 372 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:14,126 have to have complete earthquake kits. Get it! 373 00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,395 I'll get it! 374 00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,631 Come here first, and I'll take you over to Mother's. 375 00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:20,700 She'll be terrified if you ring the bell. 376 00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:23,803 Why? Is she gonna think I'm the Seaside Strangler? 377 00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:27,774 She is a little nervous. Does she fit the descriptions of the victims? 378 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,676 Uh, not really. For me? 379 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:30,977 Then why is she carrying on? 380 00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,979 Uh-oh. There he is. Gracie? 381 00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:35,114 I'm never speaking to him again, even if he begs me. 382 00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:37,950 Gracie FELIX: Gracie! Yoo-hoo! 383 00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:40,453 Gracie! 384 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,590 Honey, come on! Come home. Come back to me. 385 00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:48,528 I'll get a regular job. You had a regular job making pizza and you messed it up. 386 00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:51,998 The manager hated me. You never showed up on time! 387 00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:53,600 I'm a wall artist! 388 00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:57,103 You're a wall artist with no wall, which makes you a nothing! 389 00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,205 Yeah, you tell him, lady. You ruined our tree. 390 00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:02,842 Shut up! You're both materialistic idiots! 391 00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:05,344 Yeah! Hey! 392 00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:06,813 Hold on. 393 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:27,834 It's pajamas. Ah. 394 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:31,003 I knitted them. 395 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:34,206 Thank you. Everyone's always giving the bride things to wear to bed, 396 00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:36,709 but no one ever gives the groom anything. 397 00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:41,113 The thing is, I'm never getting married. 398 00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,750 Of course you are. You're getting married in four months. 399 00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,152 Be patient. Everything comes to him who waits. 400 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,021 I don't really believe that. 401 00:24:49,088 --> 00:24:52,491 I've been saying things like that for so long, they just pop out of my mouth. 402 00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:54,827 But the truth is nothing comes to him who waits. 403 00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:03,435 Merry Christmas. Lifesavers. 404 00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,673 WOMAN: Hello. I'm so upset. I'm listening. 405 00:25:06,739 --> 00:25:11,043 I was in the supermarket and everyone was buying big turkeys, 406 00:25:11,110 --> 00:25:15,548 and I was standing in the ten-items-and-under line with a boneless chicken breast. 407 00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:16,916 I know. 408 00:25:16,983 --> 00:25:19,218 I suddenly realized I was going to be 409 00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:22,454 in the ten-items-and-under line the rest of my life. 410 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,560 I know. 411 00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:30,162 Are you all right? 412 00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,668 Catherine, what's wrong? 413 00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:39,038 Let me handle this. 414 00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:44,611 May I help you? Is she all right? 415 00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,946 She'll be all right. She's just so sympathetic. 416 00:25:47,013 --> 00:25:49,415 May I put you on hold while I run to my desk? 417 00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,450 You're not calling from a bridge or holding a weapon? 418 00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:52,852 No. Good. 419 00:25:54,987 --> 00:25:57,123 (HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS PLAYING) 420 00:25:57,189 --> 00:26:03,029 * Have yourself a merry little Christmas 421 00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,397 Catherine O'Shaughnessy, get a grip on yourself. 422 00:26:05,464 --> 00:26:08,935 Okay, so the only present you got is from your mother. 423 00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:13,505 So? You have nothing to do on New Year's Eve for the tenth consecutive year. 424 00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:17,677 You're a very lucky person. You have a wonderful job. 425 00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:22,248 You have a wonderful job. So there. So there! 426 00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:26,318 * Have yourself a merry little Christmas 427 00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:30,256 * Now 428 00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:35,027 PHILIP: Well, just remember that in every pothole there is hope. 429 00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:39,999 Well, you see, pothole is spelled p-o-t-h-o-l-e. 430 00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:43,903 So if you take the "p" and add it to the "h," the "o" and the "e"... 431 00:26:43,970 --> 00:26:46,639 And rearrange the letters, or contrariwise, 432 00:26:46,706 --> 00:26:50,977 remove the "o", "t" and "l," you get "hope." 433 00:26:51,844 --> 00:26:53,245 So, just remember, 434 00:26:53,312 --> 00:26:55,447 "In every pothole there is hope." 435 00:26:55,514 --> 00:26:58,785 Now, thank you for calling and call again any time. 436 00:27:02,722 --> 00:27:04,190 Are you feeling better? 437 00:27:04,256 --> 00:27:06,993 In every pothole there is hope. 438 00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:08,728 My father used to say that to me. 439 00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:10,730 I remember. 440 00:27:10,797 --> 00:27:13,766 He said it to me only a day or two before he walked out the door and was run over... 441 00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:16,168 BOTH: By a truck full of mixed nuts. 442 00:27:17,704 --> 00:27:19,906 Oh, I have something for you. 443 00:27:26,879 --> 00:27:28,547 Merry Christmas, Catherine. 444 00:27:28,614 --> 00:27:30,950 Oh, Philip! Thank you! 445 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,599 Fruit of the month club. For three months. 446 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,568 First you get apples, then you get oranges, then you get pears. 447 00:27:49,635 --> 00:27:52,171 I'll take that wrapping. It's okay. I save the wrapping. 448 00:27:52,238 --> 00:27:54,006 I save it too. I make ornaments. 449 00:27:54,073 --> 00:27:56,542 I paid for it! Give it to me! Give it to me. 450 00:27:56,608 --> 00:27:58,144 Give it to me. 451 00:28:01,613 --> 00:28:04,984 Philip, what's this? This is an eviction notice. 452 00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:07,219 This says we have to be out of the building by the end of the year. 453 00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:09,521 Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! 454 00:28:09,588 --> 00:28:12,091 Oh, my gosh! It's Christmas. I didn't want to upset you. 455 00:28:12,158 --> 00:28:14,326 We have to move! We have to find someplace! 456 00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:18,230 We don't have any money. Philip, you can solve this. I know you can. 457 00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,733 When the city of Los Angeles was going to chop down healthy elm trees, 458 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,368 just in case they got Dutch elm disease, 459 00:28:22,434 --> 00:28:23,803 you handcuffed yourself to a tree. 460 00:28:23,870 --> 00:28:26,806 And called the newspaper! I'll call the newspaper! 461 00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:31,944 Two weeks from now I'll be home, unemployed, with my Royal Riviera Pears. 462 00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:35,481 May I have the number of the Los Angeles Times? I'm gonna pray for a miracle. 463 00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:36,816 Thank you. 464 00:28:39,251 --> 00:28:43,289 MUNCHNIK: Hey, dickheads! I'm coming, Mrs. Munchnik! 465 00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:46,325 Don't tell her anything! MUNCHNIK: Get me out of this elevator! 466 00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:49,095 WOMAN'S VOICE: You have reached the Los Angeles Times. 467 00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:52,498 If you would like to order a subscription, please press one. 468 00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:56,202 If your newspaper did not arrive this morning, press two. 469 00:28:56,268 --> 00:28:59,638 If you would like to place a classified ad, press three. 470 00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:03,876 If you would like to speak to the editorial desk, city desk, national desk, 471 00:29:03,943 --> 00:29:08,314 international desk, sports desk, metro, view or calendar sections, 472 00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:11,550 press the first three letters of the desk you desire 473 00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:14,486 followed by the star key in the case of the first three, 474 00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:17,824 or the pound key in the case of the latter five. MUNCHNIK: Help! 475 00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:20,126 I'm coming! I'm coming! 476 00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:27,466 Here you go. I'll just pull you through the roof. Come on, Mrs. Munchnik. 477 00:29:27,533 --> 00:29:29,701 I got you, I got you. 478 00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,971 I called the landlord. He'll be here in two hours. 479 00:29:32,038 --> 00:29:35,141 I can't wait two hours! I have to go to the bathroom! 480 00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,511 Just hang on. We'll have you out in a minute. 481 00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:42,081 I can't hold it! Hurry up you oaf! 482 00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:48,120 PHILIP: Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 483 00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:57,729 CATHERINE: Philip, are you all right? 484 00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,565 Do I look like I'm all right? 485 00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:04,270 I'm slipping, I'm going to crash. Hold onto my wrist. 486 00:30:04,336 --> 00:30:07,306 You're hurting my wrist. Bring the elevator back! Bring it back. 487 00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:10,276 PHILIP: You have two innocent people up here dangling. 488 00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,144 MUNCHNIK: Who's down there? 489 00:30:12,211 --> 00:30:14,713 Whoever you are, stop on four! 490 00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:18,417 No, three! Three! Stop on three, not four! 491 00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:21,487 Gracie, come on! Where you going? 492 00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:25,391 It's coming back! We're gonna be crushed! 493 00:30:25,457 --> 00:30:29,095 Do you have anything to say to Susan 494 00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:32,098 She broke up with me! 495 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:39,338 Push stop! Push the red button! 496 00:30:39,405 --> 00:30:44,276 What red button? Is someone talking to me? I'm talking to you! 497 00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:47,346 Help. Help! Push the red button! Don't you hear me? 498 00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:50,449 PHILIP: God, help! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! 499 00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:52,985 We're dead! I knew it! 500 00:30:53,052 --> 00:30:55,922 Please save us! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 501 00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,623 No! No! No! 502 00:31:00,759 --> 00:31:03,862 Ah, Gracie, come on! Come on, honey! 503 00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:06,966 I promise I'll be a good guy. I'll even give you the Santa suit back. 504 00:31:07,033 --> 00:31:09,568 I have to pee! Help! Here it is. 505 00:31:09,635 --> 00:31:11,470 I'm taking off the goofy boot things. Let me in! 506 00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:15,107 Are you okay? Oh, please! 507 00:31:15,174 --> 00:31:17,509 Put your clothes on, Felix. Open this door now! 508 00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:20,679 We have an employee who desperately needs to get in. 509 00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:34,026 Let me in right now! Oh! I'm in agony! 510 00:31:34,093 --> 00:31:36,996 What is wrong with you? 511 00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:50,509 Young lady, this restroom is property of Lifesavers! 512 00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:51,843 You let me... 513 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:54,480 Calm down. My God. You don't have to get so excited. 514 00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:56,448 Gracie, please come home for the holidays. 515 00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:58,917 I'm never coming back! Felix, would you please get dressed? 516 00:31:58,985 --> 00:32:00,219 Do you know these people? 517 00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:02,521 Yes. Gracie, this is Philip. Felix, Philip. 518 00:32:02,588 --> 00:32:04,190 Hi. Yeah, we met. 519 00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:05,791 We have? Yeah, when you crashed into the tree. 520 00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:07,893 I didn't crash into the tree. You crashed into the tree. 521 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:08,995 Yeah, so we met. 522 00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:10,496 And this is Mrs. Munchnik. 523 00:32:12,398 --> 00:32:13,966 Oh, hello. 524 00:32:16,835 --> 00:32:20,772 Well, you two had better make up before that baby comes. 525 00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:24,977 Well, I have two months to think about it, okay? Don't be ridiculous. 526 00:32:25,044 --> 00:32:28,014 You're going to drop any day. It does look large. 527 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,683 Of course. It's mine. I just got out of prison seven months ago. 528 00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:35,821 And you're the only person who could be the father? What? 529 00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:38,524 Excuse me? Is it true? 530 00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:40,492 Is what true? What she said. Is it true? 531 00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:43,062 I'm a slut now, Felix? Who's the father? 532 00:32:43,129 --> 00:32:45,064 Hey, hey, hey, hey, no! This is what I'm talking about! 533 00:32:45,131 --> 00:32:47,133 Wait a minute! This is a nonprofit organization! 534 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,004 There are laws against this! Felix, you're a maniac! 535 00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:58,877 Oh, Gracie, look what you did. 536 00:32:58,944 --> 00:33:01,013 He's bleeding! 537 00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:08,487 Hello, Evelyn? Yes, I'm finally out. 538 00:33:08,554 --> 00:33:11,657 Felix will need stitches. We'll have to take him to the hospital. 539 00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:15,427 Who's gonna pay for it? We can't even afford to have our baby in a hospital. 540 00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,297 I know. We'll take him to the vet. Dr. Kinsky will help us. 541 00:33:18,364 --> 00:33:21,467 MUNCHNIK: Yes, I'll be there in just a few minutes. 542 00:33:21,533 --> 00:33:23,835 Just a minute. 543 00:33:23,902 --> 00:33:27,606 What is it? You'll have to stay and cover the phones while we're out. 544 00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:31,410 I'm going to have to stay and cover the phone. They want me to stay longer. 545 00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:35,081 Is that incredible? Mrs. Munchnik, you have driven this man into a frenzy. 546 00:33:35,147 --> 00:33:36,948 It was like lighting dry leaves with a match! 547 00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:40,119 You have a responsibility. MUNCHNIK: They're making me feel guilty. 548 00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:43,955 I will be at your house sometime before next Christmas! 549 00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,024 But that's all I have to say. 550 00:33:46,092 --> 00:33:49,361 Thank you. Are you coming, Gracie? You're okay. 551 00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:50,862 No way. 552 00:33:50,929 --> 00:33:52,631 PHILIP: Just relax, Felix. You'll like Dr. Kinsky. 553 00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:56,302 He's not just a friend, he put my dog to sleep. 554 00:34:11,917 --> 00:34:16,855 If you go into labor or anything along those lines, 555 00:34:16,922 --> 00:34:18,590 just don't expect any help from me. 556 00:34:18,657 --> 00:34:20,826 I am not a midwife. 557 00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,928 I never expect help. 558 00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,699 PHILIP: Dr. Kinsky's an expert on potbelly pigs. 559 00:34:27,766 --> 00:34:29,000 You ought to get one, Catherine. 560 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:32,037 You can house train them, and they can find fungi. 561 00:34:32,104 --> 00:34:34,773 If they get in bed with you, they stick their nose under the covers and root 562 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,874 which I think is so sweet. 563 00:34:35,941 --> 00:34:37,676 I hate pigs. How can you hate pigs? 564 00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:39,311 They have those cute little curly tails. 565 00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:41,380 I hate their cute little curly tails. 566 00:34:41,447 --> 00:34:44,183 * Hello, Catherine 567 00:34:44,250 --> 00:34:46,618 Hello, Louie. LOUIE: I was just coming upstairs to see you. 568 00:34:46,685 --> 00:34:48,554 I got a present for you. Something... 569 00:34:50,656 --> 00:34:52,858 * Personal 570 00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,827 I'll be right back. We're just taking this man to the vet. 571 00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:57,529 Is he rabid? PHILIP: Hardly. 572 00:34:57,596 --> 00:35:00,232 He's simply a poor, unemployed person in a bad relationship. 573 00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:02,868 That's what they said about old Yeller. 574 00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:05,404 I'll see you later, Louie. 575 00:35:05,471 --> 00:35:11,042 * I'll be waiting 576 00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:22,521 (HUMMING WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS) 577 00:35:33,199 --> 00:35:36,302 Can I use your scissors instead of these ones? Oh, yes. 578 00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:43,475 Do you mind if I cut up your eviction notice? That would be just fine. 579 00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:46,678 Do you have any tape? 580 00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,381 I think there's some in that drawer. 581 00:35:49,448 --> 00:35:52,284 Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Oh, my... 582 00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:55,654 Oh, that Philip! 583 00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:59,425 How dare he not tell anyone! He is going to pay for this! 584 00:35:59,491 --> 00:36:04,930 He is going to pay for this or my name is not Blanche Munchnik! 585 00:36:19,445 --> 00:36:21,313 Here, lie down. 586 00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:22,714 Dr. Kinsky? 587 00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:25,984 Hello? 588 00:36:28,086 --> 00:36:29,888 I'll be right back. 589 00:36:30,956 --> 00:36:33,425 Is anyone here? Marshall? 590 00:36:33,492 --> 00:36:36,728 Dr. Kinsky? Merry Christmas. What? Oh! 591 00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:39,164 Hi, Philip. I can't talk. I'm in a rush. 592 00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:40,499 We got a problem. You gotta help. 593 00:36:40,566 --> 00:36:42,268 I can't. I gotta go. 594 00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:44,202 Felix is bleeding like crazy. He was hit in the head with a fruitcake. 595 00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:47,539 How'd that happen? Lovers' quarrel. 596 00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:49,808 Philip, please, don't go anthropomorphic on me. 597 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,811 I'm up to my eyeballs in people that think that animals have feelings. 598 00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:54,380 I don't think you understand. 599 00:36:54,446 --> 00:36:56,147 Come on, I'll help you. I'll take care of it. 600 00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:58,850 Just do me a favor. Spare me the melodrama. 601 00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:01,753 Take Felix out of his box, put him in here. 602 00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:04,356 I'll be right back. Take Felix out of his box. 603 00:37:04,423 --> 00:37:06,558 Hi, Pepper, Ginger, Vinny, Duke, Scotty, Billy. 604 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:11,997 Hi. Hi, hi. I'm running late. 605 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,433 What is it now? A cat with a concussion. 606 00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:17,869 That's the way it's always going to be, isn't it? The animals always come first! 607 00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:20,939 Well, Merry Christmas! Not that you even celebrate it! 608 00:37:21,006 --> 00:37:24,242 Wait! Wait! No, wait! Hey! Oh! 609 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,316 A person named Felix. 610 00:37:30,382 --> 00:37:32,618 Before there were cats named Felix, there were people named Felix. 611 00:37:32,684 --> 00:37:36,187 You'll find, if you look that up, the opposite is true. 612 00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:39,024 Hi, Pancho. Hi, little Pancho. 613 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,259 You don't have to worry. You don't have a dream. 614 00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:43,529 All you want is food and love. It's all I want. 615 00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,196 I want to be a wall artist. 616 00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,666 You can make people happy by chasing a stick. 617 00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:51,637 I have to raise $5,000 or I'm going to hurt two people I care about. 618 00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:54,906 I care about Gracie. I care about Vanessa. 619 00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:58,209 I care about Catherine and Mrs. Munchnik. What about Susan? 620 00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:00,145 Susan's gone. Gracie's gone. 621 00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:02,581 Vanessa's gone. Give up women, Pancho. 622 00:38:02,648 --> 00:38:04,883 Tomorrow he will. Ooh, that's gotta hurt. 623 00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:08,420 Oh, no. Once he takes a couple of these, he won't know what hit him. 624 00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:12,290 We never know what hits us, then one day we're talking in falsetto. 625 00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:15,193 Stay. Let me ask you something. 626 00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:20,165 How many pillows does Susan have on her bed? About 12. 627 00:38:20,231 --> 00:38:24,269 See? What is it with women and pillows? How many do you need? 628 00:38:24,336 --> 00:38:27,939 How many do you need? Two! One for you and one for her! 629 00:38:28,006 --> 00:38:29,541 Yeah. 630 00:38:29,608 --> 00:38:31,743 Vanessa has all these pillows! 631 00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:35,381 She's got round ones. She's got heart-shaped ones. 632 00:38:35,447 --> 00:38:39,851 She's got those pillows with the... Stuff around the edges. 633 00:38:39,918 --> 00:38:41,753 Ruffles? Yeah. 634 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,490 So you want to go to bed, you gotta take all the pillows off! 635 00:38:44,556 --> 00:38:46,792 Then in the morning, you gotta put them all back on! 636 00:38:46,858 --> 00:38:48,059 What is the point? 637 00:38:48,126 --> 00:38:50,195 Marshall! Lifesavers is about to go under. 638 00:38:50,261 --> 00:38:51,630 I don't care about pillows! 639 00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,469 What's wrong with him? Oh, my God! 640 00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,305 Come on. Come on! Get up! Get up! Felix! Felix! Felix! 641 00:39:00,372 --> 00:39:03,008 CATHERINE: What happened? He took an overdose of dog tranquilizers! 642 00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:04,776 Oh, my gosh, Felix! 643 00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,344 Get him up! Get outta the way! Walk him around. 644 00:39:06,412 --> 00:39:08,046 KINSKY: Get outta the way! 645 00:39:08,113 --> 00:39:09,347 Keep him moving! Keep moving! 646 00:39:09,415 --> 00:39:11,149 How can you possibly be friends with these people? 647 00:39:11,216 --> 00:39:13,452 I beg your pardon, Philip. 648 00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:15,286 Where did you find them? 649 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,089 If you must know, I met Gracie at an adult children of alcoholics meeting. 650 00:39:18,156 --> 00:39:19,791 Was your mother an alcoholic? No. 651 00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:21,427 Was your father? No. 652 00:39:21,493 --> 00:39:24,095 I went because someone told me it was a good place to meet men. 653 00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:26,665 Of course, I didn't meet a man. That goes without saying. 654 00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:29,568 I met Gracie, though, and she breaks my heart. 655 00:39:29,635 --> 00:39:32,904 And because I care about her, I care about Felix. 656 00:39:32,971 --> 00:39:37,075 I'm not like you, Philip. I'm not one of those people who's only good on the phone. 657 00:39:37,142 --> 00:39:41,246 That's not true. I'm good in person. In person, you blame everyone. 658 00:39:41,312 --> 00:39:42,981 You did something wrong at the office. 659 00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:45,884 You gave out our address. Did I blame you? 660 00:39:45,951 --> 00:39:49,588 No. I blamed the Santa Anas. 661 00:39:49,655 --> 00:39:52,390 I don't even know what the Santa Anas are. 662 00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,192 They're dry winds from the desert that blow... 663 00:39:54,259 --> 00:39:55,661 Oh, shut up. 664 00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:00,799 Don't just stand there. Call an ambulance. 665 00:40:00,866 --> 00:40:02,534 That's something you'll be good at. 666 00:40:04,202 --> 00:40:05,937 I'm glad that we're not working together. 667 00:40:06,004 --> 00:40:08,106 I'm glad this is our last week! 668 00:40:08,173 --> 00:40:13,111 Felix, if Gracie had any idea what you've done, she would be devastated. 669 00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:17,516 Oh, that's probably Felix. 670 00:40:17,583 --> 00:40:22,754 Well, I can assure you, if you think your husband is having an affair, he is! 671 00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:26,357 WOMAN: He says, "I'm in my office, honey, eating Chinese food." 672 00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:29,761 I don't care if he's dying. I'm not gonna answer it. 673 00:40:29,828 --> 00:40:32,664 Read his mail. Read it! 674 00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:36,702 That's the delightful way I found out that I'm about to be jobless. 675 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,236 You're kidding. That's right. 676 00:40:38,303 --> 00:40:40,405 Fine. 677 00:40:41,473 --> 00:40:43,241 Hello? 678 00:40:43,308 --> 00:40:45,811 OBSCENE CALLER: How can I do it to you, baby, if you hang up on me? 679 00:40:45,877 --> 00:40:47,913 What 680 00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:50,816 Is this Catherine? No, this isn't Catherine. 681 00:40:50,882 --> 00:40:53,184 Merry Christmas to you too. Oh, you're new! 682 00:40:53,251 --> 00:40:56,154 Who are you? My name is Gracie. 683 00:40:56,221 --> 00:40:58,824 Gracie, I want to write your name in cheese. 684 00:41:00,091 --> 00:41:01,693 I want to bark like a dog! 685 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:06,732 You are a disgusting, sleazy, perverted pig! Excuse me! 686 00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:09,768 Um, I'm sorry. May I help you? 687 00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:13,071 The person you were just speaking with has not taken 688 00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:16,107 the Lifesavers training program. Shut up, Grandma! 689 00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,877 Oh. I'm not busting your cherry! 690 00:41:18,944 --> 00:41:22,514 Oh, I'm...simply crushed. 691 00:41:22,581 --> 00:41:25,651 Here I've waited my whole life for you 692 00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,186 and now you don't even want me. 693 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,121 Do go on. 694 00:41:30,188 --> 00:41:33,224 I believe you were discussing my cherry. 695 00:41:35,426 --> 00:41:39,531 I am so good at this, and soon I will be left high and dry 696 00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:42,901 with no outlet for my talent. 697 00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:45,103 I have to pee. 698 00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:48,239 Have you ever been pregnant? No, I have not. 699 00:41:48,306 --> 00:41:51,242 Listen, young lady, when you come out, 700 00:41:51,309 --> 00:41:55,346 do not answer the phone under any circumstances. 701 00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:58,684 Do not answer the door under any circumstances 702 00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:02,554 because it could be the Seaside Strangler, and you know what he'll do. 703 00:42:02,621 --> 00:42:06,992 He'll take fishing twine and wrap it around your neck and your face will turn blue. 704 00:42:07,058 --> 00:42:10,428 Then your eyes will bulge out, and then he'll knock you down 705 00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:12,631 and hike up your skirt and bang you! 706 00:42:12,698 --> 00:42:14,700 Very funny! Very funny, young lady! 707 00:42:14,766 --> 00:42:18,103 No one comes here. This is an unlisted address. 708 00:42:20,639 --> 00:42:23,341 Hello 709 00:42:23,408 --> 00:42:26,077 It's the Seaside Strangler. 710 00:42:27,979 --> 00:42:30,215 Whoever you are, you are not supposed to be here. 711 00:42:31,416 --> 00:42:34,219 Oh, who is it? Answer me! 712 00:42:36,254 --> 00:42:37,989 Do you have something to hide? 713 00:42:38,056 --> 00:42:41,026 Did you do that? 714 00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:44,730 Did you turn out the lights or is it just this stupid building? 715 00:42:44,796 --> 00:42:46,898 Are you the Seaside Strangler? 716 00:42:46,965 --> 00:42:52,237 Listen, Mr. Seaside Strangler, I am calling the police, I am getting the reward 717 00:42:52,303 --> 00:42:55,540 and you will go to a maximum security prison, 718 00:42:55,607 --> 00:42:57,809 where a very large, hairy man 719 00:42:57,876 --> 00:43:00,378 is going to make you his girlfriend. 720 00:43:03,348 --> 00:43:07,318 I am not your type. I am short. 721 00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:10,488 And my hair is short. I am attractive. 722 00:43:10,555 --> 00:43:13,524 I suppose I fit that part of the description. 723 00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:16,862 But I am not young! I have never been young! 724 00:43:16,928 --> 00:43:20,498 Although I do look... Would you knock it off? 725 00:43:20,565 --> 00:43:22,768 What would the Seaside Strangler want with you? 726 00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:24,069 Just... Shh! No! 727 00:43:24,135 --> 00:43:27,038 You're having a fantasy. Oh, no, no! Don't! Don't! 728 00:43:29,074 --> 00:43:32,744 What a sad and horrible Christmas Eve. 729 00:43:32,811 --> 00:43:34,045 I had to take the bus. 730 00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:36,414 I stubbed my toe on the boardwalk. 731 00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:40,919 May I come in? Sure. 732 00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:51,362 Is she all right? She's fine. 733 00:43:52,597 --> 00:43:55,233 Oh, what beautiful beads. Thanks. 734 00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:58,236 Could you do me a favor? I'm gonna leave. 735 00:43:58,303 --> 00:44:00,806 Could you put her somewhere out of the way? 736 00:44:00,872 --> 00:44:02,607 I'd be happy to. 737 00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,077 * Santa, baby 738 00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:09,848 * Just slip a sable under the tree 739 00:44:09,915 --> 00:44:12,718 * For me 740 00:44:12,784 --> 00:44:15,586 * Been an awful good girl 741 00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:17,488 * Santa, baby 742 00:44:17,555 --> 00:44:20,792 * So hurry down the chimney tonight 743 00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:33,004 * Santa, baby, I forgot to mention one little thing 744 00:44:33,071 --> 00:44:35,707 * A ring 745 00:44:35,774 --> 00:44:38,476 * I don't mean on the phone 746 00:44:38,543 --> 00:44:40,345 * Santa, baby 747 00:44:40,411 --> 00:44:44,615 * So hurry down the chimney tonight 748 00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:48,053 Hello. Lifesavers. May I help you? 749 00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:49,721 OBSCENE CALLER: May I speak to a woman? 750 00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:52,357 May I please wish a woman Merry Christmas? 751 00:44:52,423 --> 00:44:54,025 You are speaking to a woman. 752 00:45:00,165 --> 00:45:03,802 * Santa, cutie and fill my stocking 753 00:45:03,869 --> 00:45:08,706 * With a duplex and checks 754 00:45:08,774 --> 00:45:11,642 * Sign your "x" on the line 755 00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,511 * Santa, cutie 756 00:45:13,578 --> 00:45:18,249 * So hurry down the chimney tonight 757 00:45:18,316 --> 00:45:20,385 PHILIP: Mrs. Munchnik? CHRIS: No. 758 00:45:20,451 --> 00:45:21,652 * Hurry 759 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,188 PHILIP: Who are you? 760 00:45:23,254 --> 00:45:26,157 CHRIS: I called earlier. You gave me the address. 761 00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:28,059 PHILIP: I remember. 762 00:45:30,161 --> 00:45:31,797 I came right over. 763 00:45:35,533 --> 00:45:37,769 Have you seen a woman in a bad mood? 764 00:45:37,836 --> 00:45:40,071 She's resting behind the couch. 765 00:45:46,544 --> 00:45:49,680 You were very good on the phone. 766 00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,951 On the phone. I was good on the phone. 767 00:45:53,684 --> 00:45:55,486 Won't you sit down? 768 00:46:01,726 --> 00:46:04,930 My voice puts you off, doesn't it? 769 00:46:04,996 --> 00:46:08,333 Not at all. It doesn't suit me. 770 00:46:08,399 --> 00:46:12,137 In that sense, I am exactly like Kissinger. 771 00:46:12,203 --> 00:46:14,572 Henry Kissinger? Haven't you noticed? 772 00:46:14,639 --> 00:46:18,643 He has this odd, little, nasal voice and a pompous, fat body. 773 00:46:18,709 --> 00:46:21,112 Must upset the Russians terribly. 774 00:46:22,347 --> 00:46:25,216 I met him once. How fascinating. 775 00:46:27,552 --> 00:46:30,221 Not that he would remember me. 776 00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:31,622 No one does. 777 00:46:32,858 --> 00:46:34,860 I'm sure that's not true. 778 00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:39,130 Thank you. You're very kind. 779 00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:46,137 Excuse me, I'm just going to... 780 00:46:47,572 --> 00:46:49,507 Light these candles in case the, uh... 781 00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:54,645 It was at one of those clubs. You know those dance clubs. You know the kind. 782 00:46:54,712 --> 00:46:56,647 Here today, gone tomorrow. You never know where you are 783 00:46:56,714 --> 00:46:58,984 because when you look... it's gone. 784 00:47:00,185 --> 00:47:02,120 Who was I with? 785 00:47:03,121 --> 00:47:04,489 I have no idea. 786 00:47:04,555 --> 00:47:06,824 When you're confused, your past is a blur. 787 00:47:06,892 --> 00:47:08,894 He wasn't dancing. 788 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,195 Who? 789 00:47:11,296 --> 00:47:13,198 Henry Kissinger. Ah. 790 00:47:14,065 --> 00:47:15,566 I'm boring you, aren't I? 791 00:47:15,633 --> 00:47:17,668 Not in the least. 792 00:47:19,504 --> 00:47:21,639 I bore everyone. 793 00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:23,841 I'm sure that's not true. 794 00:47:23,909 --> 00:47:27,678 I personally find you very entertaining and informative. 795 00:47:27,745 --> 00:47:32,483 For example, I had no idea Henry Kissinger went to dance clubs. 796 00:47:32,550 --> 00:47:35,954 Perhaps you could come back some other time, say, after the New Year, 797 00:47:36,021 --> 00:47:38,023 and we could continue our chat. 798 00:47:38,089 --> 00:47:40,058 I wasn't dancing either. 799 00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:43,361 I have two left feet, I believe is the expression. 800 00:47:43,428 --> 00:47:47,832 Ah. Well, let me offer you one last piece of advice before you have to leave. 801 00:47:47,899 --> 00:47:51,302 Did you bring a coat or anything? Just my cape. 802 00:47:51,937 --> 00:47:54,105 Ah. 803 00:47:54,172 --> 00:47:59,244 Have you ever heard of the Greater Orange County Mambo Contest of 1968? 804 00:47:59,310 --> 00:48:02,480 Well, I was scared to enter it, and yet I did. 805 00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:06,217 And I won first prize, dancing with my sister. 806 00:48:06,284 --> 00:48:09,254 From that moment on, I have never worried for one second 807 00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,290 about anyone's opinion, and neither should you. 808 00:48:13,458 --> 00:48:14,692 You mean... 809 00:48:14,759 --> 00:48:17,595 You wouldn't hesitate to dance, even with me? 810 00:48:17,662 --> 00:48:19,130 Absolutely not. 811 00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:22,267 Do you have music? 812 00:48:27,205 --> 00:48:29,941 GRACIE: Come on, Catherine. Let's go to my place. 813 00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,978 CATHERINE: Now? GRACIE: I have something for you. 814 00:48:37,148 --> 00:48:39,117 GRACIE: There were 14 kids in our family, 815 00:48:39,184 --> 00:48:43,955 so for Christmas we each got one pair of socks. 816 00:48:44,022 --> 00:48:45,690 CATHERINE: Really? 817 00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:50,195 Plus, we never saw our mother. Divide 14 into 24 and what do you get? 818 00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:53,298 Two. We each saw our mother two minutes a day. 819 00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:54,832 You mean two hours a day. 820 00:48:54,899 --> 00:48:56,901 No, I mean two minutes. 821 00:49:01,706 --> 00:49:03,941 My mother's always there. Always. 822 00:49:04,009 --> 00:49:06,211 Sometimes I wish she were dead. 823 00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,745 Oh, I shouldn't say that. 824 00:49:07,812 --> 00:49:10,748 I hope you don't think I'm a terrible person. No. 825 00:49:10,815 --> 00:49:13,918 Suppose she dies now and it's all my fault? 826 00:49:13,985 --> 00:49:15,520 Close your eyes. 827 00:49:19,590 --> 00:49:20,891 Open them. 828 00:49:28,233 --> 00:49:29,634 Is that me? 829 00:49:30,835 --> 00:49:32,470 Oh, my goodness. 830 00:49:33,304 --> 00:49:35,306 Oh, Gracie. 831 00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:37,208 You're so talented. 832 00:49:41,012 --> 00:49:45,616 I have spent my whole life trying to make something out of nothing. 833 00:49:45,683 --> 00:49:48,053 Don't take that personally, Catherine. 834 00:49:48,119 --> 00:49:51,822 But just once I'd like to have something to begin with. 835 00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:59,964 Christmas is such a powerful time, isn't it? 836 00:50:00,031 --> 00:50:02,367 Gracie, let's make a wish. 837 00:50:02,433 --> 00:50:04,835 Hold my hand and we'll make a Christmas wish. 838 00:50:04,902 --> 00:50:07,038 Really. I mean it. 839 00:50:07,105 --> 00:50:10,108 I'll go first so you won't be embarrassed. 840 00:50:10,175 --> 00:50:11,542 Okay. 841 00:50:11,609 --> 00:50:13,678 It's hard to do this because if you say your wish out loud, 842 00:50:13,744 --> 00:50:16,514 and it doesn't come true, it's so much worse. 843 00:50:16,581 --> 00:50:18,049 But here we go. 844 00:50:19,184 --> 00:50:21,552 I wish 845 00:50:21,619 --> 00:50:24,455 there were someone I cared for who cared for me. 846 00:50:26,391 --> 00:50:30,095 There, I said it. Your turn. 847 00:50:32,763 --> 00:50:35,533 I wish for my baby to have a better life. 848 00:50:36,567 --> 00:50:38,669 Love. Money. 849 00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:44,309 I should probably get back to the office. 850 00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:45,876 Wait a second. 851 00:50:45,943 --> 00:50:48,179 Let's get some Chinese food on the way, okay? 852 00:50:48,246 --> 00:50:49,447 Okay. 853 00:50:55,786 --> 00:50:59,090 (WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S EVE PLAYING) 854 00:50:59,157 --> 00:51:02,993 * My, my, my, my 855 00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:08,633 * Maybe it's much too early in the game 856 00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:15,906 * Oh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same 857 00:51:17,475 --> 00:51:22,580 * What are you doing New Year's 858 00:51:22,647 --> 00:51:24,315 I don't think... 859 00:51:24,382 --> 00:51:29,420 * New Year's Eve 860 00:51:29,487 --> 00:51:31,622 * Oh 861 00:51:31,689 --> 00:51:34,192 * I wonder whose arms 862 00:51:34,259 --> 00:51:38,929 * Will hold you good and tight 863 00:51:38,996 --> 00:51:44,602 * When it's exactly 12:00 at night 864 00:51:46,171 --> 00:51:52,443 * Welcoming in the New Year 865 00:51:52,510 --> 00:51:56,781 * New Year's Eve 866 00:51:56,847 --> 00:51:59,250 Is it making you nervous to dance with me? 867 00:51:59,317 --> 00:52:00,418 I'm not nervous at all. 868 00:52:00,485 --> 00:52:04,222 * Maybe I'm crazy 869 00:52:04,289 --> 00:52:08,025 * To suppose 870 00:52:08,092 --> 00:52:10,961 * I'd ever be 871 00:52:11,028 --> 00:52:14,899 * The one you chose 872 00:52:14,965 --> 00:52:18,469 * Out of a thousand 873 00:52:18,536 --> 00:52:21,172 * Invitations 874 00:52:22,940 --> 00:52:27,445 Dancing with you makes me feel all fluffy, 875 00:52:27,512 --> 00:52:29,380 like I was dancing on a cloud. 876 00:52:33,251 --> 00:52:35,453 In my work, I deal with all kinds of people. 877 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,490 None of them are what you might call conventional, and neither am I. 878 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:48,233 * What are you doing New Year's 879 00:52:49,934 --> 00:52:55,940 * New Year's Eve 880 00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:02,813 You're a marvelous dancer. 881 00:53:04,249 --> 00:53:05,516 Thank you. 882 00:53:28,973 --> 00:53:30,275 Philip? 883 00:53:32,943 --> 00:53:37,181 This is shocking. Completely shocking. I am suing you. 884 00:53:37,248 --> 00:53:39,284 Do you hear? For what? 885 00:53:39,350 --> 00:53:44,955 Withholding information, psychic stress, stupidity. 886 00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:49,527 And obviously improper office behavior. 887 00:53:49,594 --> 00:53:50,595 Mrs. Munchnik... 888 00:53:50,661 --> 00:53:52,297 I am calling the Los Angeles Times. 889 00:53:52,363 --> 00:53:54,265 I am calling the Los Angeles Times! 890 00:53:54,332 --> 00:53:55,533 They'll do a hatchet job. 891 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:56,901 They're going to do a puff piece on us! 892 00:53:56,967 --> 00:54:00,671 I may be temporarily jobless, thanks to you. 893 00:54:00,738 --> 00:54:03,808 But you will be jobless forever. I will see to that! 894 00:54:12,983 --> 00:54:15,720 PHILIP: I was only trying to be kind. I thought I could figure out a way. 895 00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:17,822 We only need $5,000 to tide us over. 896 00:54:17,888 --> 00:54:21,426 That is practically your annual salary. You are a failure. 897 00:54:21,492 --> 00:54:23,728 I will see to it that you stay that way! 898 00:54:23,794 --> 00:54:25,029 Mrs. Munchnik, please! 899 00:54:25,095 --> 00:54:27,131 I suppose Catherine knew about this. 900 00:54:27,197 --> 00:54:29,667 I suppose she was in cahoots. 901 00:54:29,734 --> 00:54:34,204 That Catherine. She is the most devious woman I have ever met. 902 00:54:34,271 --> 00:54:38,609 Catherine is the kindest, most gentle creature on the face of the Earth. 903 00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:42,179 Catherine wants to rip your clothes off, Philip. 904 00:54:42,246 --> 00:54:43,581 She does? 905 00:54:43,648 --> 00:54:48,386 Under that mousy exterior lies smoldering lust. 906 00:54:50,888 --> 00:54:52,056 Really? 907 00:54:53,858 --> 00:54:55,326 Catherine isn't speaking to me right now. 908 00:54:55,393 --> 00:54:57,127 I'm not at all surprised. 909 00:54:57,194 --> 00:54:59,897 Before she wasn't speaking to me, she said she would pray for a miracle. 910 00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:02,299 That is pathetic. 911 00:55:02,367 --> 00:55:05,703 Do not walk me to my car. Stay right there. 912 00:55:08,506 --> 00:55:10,007 Merry Christmas. 913 00:55:11,175 --> 00:55:12,743 Merry Christmas. 914 00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:15,312 And say hello to your dead sister's husband for me. 915 00:55:15,380 --> 00:55:19,984 My dead husband's sister, if you don't mind. 916 00:55:44,475 --> 00:55:45,576 (WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S EVE PLAYING) 917 00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:49,980 * New Year's Eve 918 00:55:57,488 --> 00:55:59,557 Are you crazy? Are you insane? 919 00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,960 This is all I do all day is deal with nuts like you! 920 00:56:07,432 --> 00:56:11,636 Oh, my God! Catherine was right. In person, I'm a disaster! 921 00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:18,042 I am so sorry. I really didn't mean it. 922 00:56:18,108 --> 00:56:20,678 Please. No apology is necessary. 923 00:56:21,912 --> 00:56:23,748 I understand completely. 924 00:56:28,018 --> 00:56:29,186 Goodbye. 925 00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:50,841 When is the Automobile Club coming? 926 00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:51,942 In a half hour. 927 00:56:52,009 --> 00:56:54,244 Oh. I used to be in the Automobile Club, 928 00:56:54,311 --> 00:56:57,982 but they found out I didn't have a car, so they kicked me out. 929 00:56:58,048 --> 00:56:59,249 They're a little uptight over there. 930 00:56:59,316 --> 00:57:00,818 Catherine. 931 00:57:00,885 --> 00:57:03,888 Catherine, my goodness, what have you done to yourself? 932 00:57:03,954 --> 00:57:05,523 You've lost your identity. 933 00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:06,591 I have not. 934 00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:08,325 I'm hungry. I'm gonna die. 935 00:57:08,392 --> 00:57:09,527 Are you about to eat? 936 00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:12,563 Allow me to contribute a fruitcake. 937 00:57:12,630 --> 00:57:15,600 Be sure you serve it to that male colleague you so admire 938 00:57:15,666 --> 00:57:19,069 who is upstairs at this very moment dancing with a strumpet 939 00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:21,038 while Lifesavers goes up in smoke. 940 00:57:21,105 --> 00:57:22,640 GRACIE: Catherine, our food's getting cold. 941 00:57:22,707 --> 00:57:25,109 Is it Susan? Is Susan with him? 942 00:57:25,175 --> 00:57:26,611 Hardly. 943 00:57:26,677 --> 00:57:29,046 Catherine, you look cool. Thank you, Louie. 944 00:57:29,113 --> 00:57:32,149 Catherine, I was wondering if I could come up and sing my song for you now? 945 00:57:32,216 --> 00:57:33,951 I'd like nothing more. 946 00:57:45,863 --> 00:57:48,165 Catherine, is that... You? 947 00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:51,068 GRACIE: Oh, I'm gonna do you too, Philip, 948 00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:54,104 because you and Catherine do not go together anymore. 949 00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:56,473 CATHERINE: Philip and I have never gone together. 950 00:57:56,541 --> 00:57:59,610 Well, you weren't together, but you definitely matched. 951 00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:02,012 Now, come on, Philip, get up. 952 00:58:02,079 --> 00:58:04,214 What about me? I want to match too. 953 00:58:04,281 --> 00:58:05,850 Listen, I'll get to you in a second, okay? 954 00:58:05,916 --> 00:58:07,818 What's he doing here? 955 00:58:07,885 --> 00:58:09,920 * Hello 956 00:58:09,987 --> 00:58:13,057 I invited him. Don't you have someone here yourself? 957 00:58:13,123 --> 00:58:14,692 I most certainly do not! 958 00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:17,461 Someone left her cape. 959 00:58:17,528 --> 00:58:20,197 Someone left his cape. 960 00:58:20,264 --> 00:58:21,766 Really, Philip. 961 00:58:31,909 --> 00:58:33,410 Where is Felix? 962 00:58:33,477 --> 00:58:34,579 He's at the hospital. 963 00:58:34,645 --> 00:58:35,946 Oh, right. 964 00:58:36,013 --> 00:58:40,551 * Felix is in the hospital 965 00:58:42,052 --> 00:58:43,854 WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Blair. Dr. Blair. 966 00:58:43,921 --> 00:58:46,824 Dr. Jay Hamilton. Dr. Jay Hamilton. 967 00:58:48,492 --> 00:58:50,595 60 by pal. Ten dopamine drip. 968 00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,362 Okay, as soon as we get into the unit. 969 00:58:52,429 --> 00:58:54,565 Okay. I'll get a 12-lead. Let's go! 970 00:58:54,632 --> 00:58:56,500 Does he have any family? 971 00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:24,261 * To Catherine 972 00:59:25,796 --> 00:59:28,065 * I wonder whether your name 973 00:59:28,132 --> 00:59:31,135 * Starts with a "C" or a "K" 974 00:59:32,603 --> 00:59:34,471 * I wonder whether you prefer 975 00:59:34,538 --> 00:59:37,274 * Almond Joy to Milky Way 976 00:59:38,242 --> 00:59:41,078 * I wonder whether you sleep 977 00:59:41,145 --> 00:59:44,248 * To the left or to the right 978 00:59:44,314 --> 00:59:46,817 * I wonder who you think would win 979 00:59:46,884 --> 00:59:50,420 * If me and Philip got into a fight 980 00:59:50,487 --> 00:59:55,192 * Oh, so many things for me to wonder 981 00:59:57,561 --> 01:00:00,197 * So very pretty 982 01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:04,268 * I wonder when Elliott said good-bye to E.T. 983 01:00:04,334 --> 01:00:07,471 * Did you breakdown and cry 984 01:00:07,537 --> 01:00:11,275 * I wonder if I gave you pudding, eggs and flour 985 01:00:11,341 --> 01:00:14,478 * Could you make a Boston Cream Pie 986 01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:18,816 * I wonder if your eyes close 987 01:00:18,883 --> 01:00:22,219 * When you come in for a kiss 988 01:00:23,220 --> 01:00:25,823 * I wonder if we had a baby 989 01:00:25,890 --> 01:00:30,294 * Would you object to having a bris 990 01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:34,699 * Oh, so many things for me to wonder 991 01:00:35,565 --> 01:00:40,070 * Oh, I love grape jelly 992 01:00:43,573 --> 01:00:45,309 That's it? 993 01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,312 It's a work in progress. It may never be finished. 994 01:00:49,579 --> 01:00:51,215 Oh, Louie. 995 01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,788 That was so sweet of you, Louie. 996 01:00:57,855 --> 01:01:02,126 If it's not too much to ask, would you mind passing the chow mein? 997 01:01:02,192 --> 01:01:04,661 No one ever wrote a song for me before. 998 01:01:04,729 --> 01:01:06,030 I can't believe it. 999 01:01:06,096 --> 01:01:08,232 Who ate all the water chestnuts? 1000 01:01:08,298 --> 01:01:09,734 I wrote it longhand. 1001 01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,902 Where are the water chestnuts? 1002 01:01:11,969 --> 01:01:15,005 It took me eight months. I had to quit my job. 1003 01:01:15,072 --> 01:01:19,443 Presents that you make yourself are always the most special. Don't you think? 1004 01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:21,411 Where did this fruitcake come from? 1005 01:01:21,478 --> 01:01:23,380 That weird lady gave it to us. 1006 01:01:26,216 --> 01:01:27,351 What ingratitude! 1007 01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:29,053 I give her a gift from the bottom of my heart 1008 01:01:29,119 --> 01:01:31,856 and she abandons it as if it meant nothing! 1009 01:01:45,736 --> 01:01:48,138 Oh! Oh! 1010 01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:51,408 Oh. 1011 01:02:08,258 --> 01:02:09,960 Look, there's the dog hater. 1012 01:02:12,429 --> 01:02:14,932 Mrs. Munchnik? What? 1013 01:02:19,536 --> 01:02:21,872 Mrs. Munchnik, what can I do you for? 1014 01:02:28,979 --> 01:02:31,782 What is it? Tell me. What can I do you for? 1015 01:02:36,020 --> 01:02:39,123 That's just what my dead husband always used to say. 1016 01:02:39,189 --> 01:02:40,224 What? 1017 01:02:41,458 --> 01:02:43,227 "What can I do you for?" 1018 01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:47,064 Well, um... 1019 01:02:48,966 --> 01:02:50,567 I'll, uh... 1020 01:02:54,171 --> 01:02:57,741 I'll tell you what you can "do me for," Mr. Lobel. 1021 01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:05,382 (ROCK VERSION OF JINGLE BELLS PLAYING) 1022 01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:12,923 * Jingle bells, jingle bells 1023 01:03:12,990 --> 01:03:16,426 * Jingle all the way 1024 01:03:16,493 --> 01:03:18,896 MUNCHNIK: On the beach! On the beach! 1025 01:03:18,963 --> 01:03:21,465 * Jingle all the way 1026 01:03:21,531 --> 01:03:26,103 * We want to wish you 1027 01:03:26,170 --> 01:03:28,505 * A Merry Christmas 1028 01:03:28,572 --> 01:03:31,942 * We want to wish you 1029 01:03:33,243 --> 01:03:34,611 * A Merry Christmas 1030 01:03:34,678 --> 01:03:38,582 * We want to wish you 1031 01:03:38,648 --> 01:03:40,684 * A Merry Christmas 1032 01:03:40,750 --> 01:03:44,554 * We want to wish you 1033 01:03:44,621 --> 01:03:46,390 * A Merry Christmas 1034 01:03:47,824 --> 01:03:49,393 I don't care what she did to you. 1035 01:03:49,459 --> 01:03:51,561 It's dangerous to throw things out of windows. 1036 01:03:51,628 --> 01:03:54,264 I completely agree. 1037 01:03:54,331 --> 01:03:58,202 Do you work here? I mean, excuse me, but we are discussing office behavior. 1038 01:03:58,268 --> 01:04:01,838 Since you don't work here and we do, at least for six more days, 1039 01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:03,307 you cannot participate. 1040 01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:09,013 Somebody's not in the holiday mood, I guess. 1041 01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:12,216 Hello, Lifesavers. I'm listening. 1042 01:04:12,282 --> 01:04:14,952 WOMAN: Is this Kentucky Fried Chicken? 1043 01:04:17,721 --> 01:04:19,856 The crazy person is back. 1044 01:04:19,924 --> 01:04:21,725 What do you want? Do you have any breasts? 1045 01:04:21,791 --> 01:04:23,593 I forgot my cape. 1046 01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,831 That's who you were dancing with? 1047 01:04:27,898 --> 01:04:30,200 She insults me too. 1048 01:04:30,267 --> 01:04:33,803 My God, if you don't have tits like Dolly Parton, no one wants you. 1049 01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:35,705 Thanks for the memories! 1050 01:04:38,775 --> 01:04:40,277 Merry Christmas to all. Hello? 1051 01:04:40,344 --> 01:04:42,812 And to all a good night. 1052 01:04:46,250 --> 01:04:48,718 Oh, my God! Felix, what now? 1053 01:04:51,855 --> 01:04:55,559 Gracie, come back to me, honey, please. 1054 01:04:55,625 --> 01:04:57,494 I can't live without you. I love you. 1055 01:04:57,561 --> 01:05:00,430 You know what? We're in the middle of dinner right now, okay? 1056 01:05:00,497 --> 01:05:02,832 Put that toy down instantly! FELIX: Toy? 1057 01:05:02,899 --> 01:05:04,901 You think this is a toy, huh? 1058 01:05:10,274 --> 01:05:13,643 Felix! What are you doing? This is not funny! 1059 01:05:13,710 --> 01:05:14,979 You'll make him nervous. 1060 01:05:15,045 --> 01:05:17,047 All right, who wants to be first, huh? 1061 01:05:17,114 --> 01:05:18,448 Who wants to be the hero? 1062 01:05:18,515 --> 01:05:20,150 Felix isn't such a bad guy. He just gets upset. 1063 01:05:20,217 --> 01:05:22,886 Oh, right! Because you're insane, that's why! 1064 01:05:22,953 --> 01:05:25,222 Wait till I get home with you! 1065 01:05:25,289 --> 01:05:28,525 Think about the baby! I love you! 1066 01:05:31,528 --> 01:05:32,829 CATHERINE: He loves you. He's just having trouble expressing it. 1067 01:05:32,896 --> 01:05:34,431 FELIX: Where you going? 1068 01:05:34,498 --> 01:05:36,733 Catherine, you're supposed to be protecting me here! 1069 01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:38,068 Don't run away from me. 1070 01:05:38,135 --> 01:05:40,537 This person will protect me, won't you? 1071 01:05:45,475 --> 01:05:47,877 So you're going to shoot a pregnant woman? 1072 01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:50,080 No. I'm gonna shoot you. 1073 01:05:51,715 --> 01:05:55,119 Mr. Santa, listen to me. 1074 01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:59,223 I'm sure this young woman has plenty of reason to hate you. In fact we all do. 1075 01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:02,292 But that's no reason to shoot someone now, is it? 1076 01:06:03,027 --> 01:06:04,995 So, please... 1077 01:06:05,829 --> 01:06:07,831 Put the little pistol down. 1078 01:06:09,166 --> 01:06:10,567 No. 1079 01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:18,042 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop! 1080 01:06:22,646 --> 01:06:24,248 He shot my foot! 1081 01:06:25,215 --> 01:06:27,751 Felix, you are a maniac! 1082 01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:29,719 Everybody blames me for everything. 1083 01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:31,821 I can't look. Am I bleeding? 1084 01:06:31,888 --> 01:06:33,790 Oh, my God, I'm going to bleed to death. 1085 01:06:33,857 --> 01:06:35,625 Someone call my mother! 1086 01:06:35,692 --> 01:06:39,129 Don't touch me. I forbid you to touch me! Just call a doctor. 1087 01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:41,065 Stop pointing that gun at me! Stop! 1088 01:06:41,131 --> 01:06:44,134 Felix, we have to stop playing with guns now. 1089 01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:46,836 Don't just take it. You have to empty it. 1090 01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:52,242 Gracie, for God sakes, what are you doing? Give me that! 1091 01:06:52,309 --> 01:06:54,278 GRACIE: I am emptying it! 1092 01:06:54,344 --> 01:06:55,612 Let go of it! I can't believe you would do that! 1093 01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:58,382 I am sick of him! He is a nut case! 1094 01:06:58,448 --> 01:07:00,950 Forget about it. I am protecting us from him! 1095 01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:27,911 Yes? 1096 01:07:35,852 --> 01:07:38,555 It's Stanley. Who's Stanley? 1097 01:07:38,622 --> 01:07:40,590 CATHERINE: Stanley Tannenbaum, the landlord. 1098 01:07:40,657 --> 01:07:43,560 I called him to fix the elevator. I completely forgot. 1099 01:07:43,627 --> 01:07:45,595 Oh, the elevator's fixed. 1100 01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:49,233 CHRIS: What's going on? Is everyone dead? 1101 01:07:49,299 --> 01:07:50,667 Not everyone. 1102 01:08:12,156 --> 01:08:13,990 MAN: Hey, what's going on up there? 1103 01:08:14,057 --> 01:08:17,794 Just a teeny, tiny accident. Just a weeny, wooney one. 1104 01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:20,730 MAN: Well, keep it down. This isn't the fourth of July. 1105 01:08:20,797 --> 01:08:23,800 I know. I'm sorry. Uh, it won't happen again. 1106 01:08:26,203 --> 01:08:28,538 We have to call the police. 1107 01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:33,910 Uh, dial 911. That's their number. 1108 01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:41,985 They can't do anything. He's dead! 1109 01:08:42,051 --> 01:08:44,053 GRACIE: Philip, I didn't mean to do it. 1110 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:47,457 You're not going to turn me in, are you? 1111 01:08:47,524 --> 01:08:49,759 WOMAN: You have reached the Los Angeles Police. 1112 01:08:49,826 --> 01:08:52,095 Please hold on. Your call is very important to us. 1113 01:08:54,698 --> 01:08:57,601 Oh, Philip, is this the miracle? 1114 01:08:57,667 --> 01:09:01,305 The eviction will probably go through regardless. This is not the miracle. 1115 01:09:02,672 --> 01:09:04,374 CHRIS: What about me? 1116 01:09:04,441 --> 01:09:06,510 Doesn't anyone care about me? 1117 01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:08,278 I'll take care of her. 1118 01:09:09,179 --> 01:09:10,980 I'm coming. 1119 01:09:11,047 --> 01:09:12,582 Catherine, are you okay? 1120 01:09:13,983 --> 01:09:17,387 I can't breathe. I'm having trouble breathing. 1121 01:09:18,722 --> 01:09:20,257 I'm so cold. 1122 01:09:22,692 --> 01:09:24,728 Catherine? Catherine. 1123 01:09:26,196 --> 01:09:28,164 Catherine. Come on, come on. I am so cold! 1124 01:09:28,232 --> 01:09:31,100 It's all right. Calm down. Here, here, put your arms around me. 1125 01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:33,603 Come on. Hold on tight. Everything's gonna be okay. 1126 01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:36,673 Just calm down. Up, easy. Over the dead body. 1127 01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:39,343 Come on. That's good. Yeah, I've got you. I've got you. Just relax. 1128 01:09:39,409 --> 01:09:40,910 I've got you. Come on. 1129 01:09:40,977 --> 01:09:43,347 Come on. I've got you. I've got you. 1130 01:09:49,686 --> 01:09:53,390 Oh, my God! 1131 01:09:53,457 --> 01:09:55,625 Boy, that's just a little scratch. It's nothing at all. 1132 01:09:55,692 --> 01:09:58,395 Oh, my God! My foot is completely numb! 1133 01:09:58,462 --> 01:10:01,398 I can tell it's going to be very painful soon! 1134 01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:04,033 Hmm. All right, I'll get you some aspirin. 1135 01:10:04,100 --> 01:10:05,802 Thank you. 1136 01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:09,105 Or better yet, I'll get you some Tylenol with the codeine. 1137 01:10:10,274 --> 01:10:12,242 Uh-uh, no. No, no, no, no. 1138 01:10:12,309 --> 01:10:14,611 Nuprin. That's the good stuff. 1139 01:10:17,281 --> 01:10:19,583 I got it. Ludens Cough Drops. 1140 01:10:19,649 --> 01:10:22,752 That'll be for me though. I got a scratchy throat. 1141 01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:29,158 Just lean here, all right? No, just lock your knees. 1142 01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:31,295 Now I'm gonna run you a bath, all right? 1143 01:10:31,361 --> 01:10:33,997 Only this time, I'm gonna put in some water and it'll make you feel better. 1144 01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,899 CATHERINE: Okay. 1145 01:10:35,965 --> 01:10:42,406 CHRIS: Hello Is anyone there? 1146 01:10:42,472 --> 01:10:44,941 I'm going to get gangrene. 1147 01:10:46,175 --> 01:10:49,012 Would someone please bring me a bandage? 1148 01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:53,650 I'm not asking for the moon. I'm just asking for a bandage. 1149 01:10:53,717 --> 01:10:59,122 All right. Now, just sit here, okay Are you all right? Okay. 1150 01:10:59,188 --> 01:11:02,892 CHRIS: Hello? Where are you? 1151 01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:05,962 No, no, please, I'll... I'll just get it myself. 1152 01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:25,081 Your bandage. 1153 01:11:25,148 --> 01:11:27,050 GRACIE: Philip! 1154 01:11:27,951 --> 01:11:30,119 Oh, my God! You broke my nose! 1155 01:11:30,186 --> 01:11:31,988 GRACIE: Philip! What is it? 1156 01:11:32,055 --> 01:11:35,859 If you call the police, my baby's going to be born in a jail! 1157 01:11:35,925 --> 01:11:37,561 Your baby won't be born in jail. 1158 01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:40,163 My nose is my best feature! 1159 01:11:40,229 --> 01:11:41,531 I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 1160 01:11:41,598 --> 01:11:44,368 Do you promise it won't be born in a jail? 1161 01:11:44,434 --> 01:11:46,570 I promise! 1162 01:11:47,437 --> 01:11:49,606 CHRIS: My face is ruined! 1163 01:11:52,041 --> 01:11:53,377 CATHERINE: Philip? 1164 01:11:53,443 --> 01:11:55,044 Here's your bandage! 1165 01:11:55,111 --> 01:11:57,981 Hey, how's it going? CATHERINE: Philip, help me! 1166 01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:04,788 Do you want Gracie to help you get undressed? 1167 01:12:06,623 --> 01:12:09,192 Do you want me to help you get undressed? 1168 01:12:34,418 --> 01:12:36,185 Something's happening. 1169 01:12:37,921 --> 01:12:41,758 My heart is racing and I'm feeling all nervous and sick. 1170 01:12:41,825 --> 01:12:44,761 That's the way I've felt since the day I met you. 1171 01:12:46,396 --> 01:12:49,065 Your sweater was buttoned funny that day. 1172 01:12:49,132 --> 01:12:54,003 One side stuck up higher than the other and poked up into your chin. 1173 01:12:54,070 --> 01:12:57,707 You remember that? I'll never forget it. 1174 01:13:35,144 --> 01:13:38,281 What does it look like? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know. 1175 01:13:38,347 --> 01:13:40,884 It's just a little larger than usual. 1176 01:13:40,950 --> 01:13:44,788 Don't worry. The swelling will go down. 1177 01:13:44,854 --> 01:13:48,157 It must be nice to have your best feature be so prominent. 1178 01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:51,327 My best feature's my hands. 1179 01:13:51,394 --> 01:13:55,264 That's why I play ukulele. It gets your hands right out there, you know? 1180 01:13:55,331 --> 01:13:57,133 Are you a professional ukulele player? 1181 01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:59,435 Oh, no. I'm a writer. 1182 01:14:00,336 --> 01:14:02,405 What do you write? T-shirts. 1183 01:14:03,573 --> 01:14:05,709 Really? 1184 01:14:05,775 --> 01:14:07,577 I wrote, "Save the dolphins." 1185 01:14:09,579 --> 01:14:13,049 Excuse me. What do you mean you wrote it? 1186 01:14:13,116 --> 01:14:16,686 I wasn't the first person to say it. I was the first person to put it on a t-shirt. 1187 01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:17,754 Oh. 1188 01:14:18,722 --> 01:14:20,056 Did you do, "Life is a beach"? 1189 01:14:20,123 --> 01:14:22,258 Oh, I wish! 1190 01:14:22,325 --> 01:14:26,095 I met the guy who wrote that at a party. He kind of snubbed me, you know? 1191 01:14:37,240 --> 01:14:40,977 We haven't been properly introduced. My name's Louie. 1192 01:14:41,044 --> 01:14:42,378 Chris. 1193 01:14:44,047 --> 01:14:45,248 Chris. 1194 01:14:47,450 --> 01:14:51,054 * Oh, Chris 1195 01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:56,526 * I wonder whether your name starts with a "C" or a "K" 1196 01:14:56,593 --> 01:15:01,030 * I wonder if you have a skinny Uncle Harry or a fat Aunt Fay 1197 01:15:01,097 --> 01:15:06,970 * I wonder if you know how good you look in those pantyhose 1198 01:15:07,036 --> 01:15:09,673 * I wonder if you're happy that I didn't mention anything 1199 01:15:09,739 --> 01:15:12,008 * About the things coming out of your nose 1200 01:15:13,442 --> 01:15:17,681 * Oh, so many things for me to wonder 1201 01:15:20,383 --> 01:15:22,518 * I wonder if you... 1202 01:15:32,829 --> 01:15:37,100 We could cut him up into pieces and wrap him up as Christmas presents. 1203 01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:39,035 Who would we give them to? 1204 01:15:47,443 --> 01:15:50,546 Check the peephole! There is no peephole. 1205 01:15:51,815 --> 01:15:53,783 Oh, how convenient. 1206 01:15:54,851 --> 01:15:56,720 SUSAN: Philip, it's Susan. 1207 01:15:58,121 --> 01:15:59,856 What is it? 1208 01:15:59,923 --> 01:16:02,191 I need to see Philip. I think I've made a terrible mistake. 1209 01:16:02,258 --> 01:16:05,561 He's taking a bath with Catherine. Would you like to wait? 1210 01:16:05,629 --> 01:16:06,896 No. 1211 01:16:06,963 --> 01:16:09,866 Good, 'cause there's enough going on here as it is. 1212 01:16:15,739 --> 01:16:18,608 If only we could disguise him as something. 1213 01:16:31,554 --> 01:16:34,624 * O, Christmas tree 1214 01:16:35,458 --> 01:16:38,194 * O, Christmas tree 1215 01:16:39,362 --> 01:16:47,303 * How lovely are thy branches * 1216 01:16:47,370 --> 01:16:51,775 Catherine was, uh, very distressed, so naturally, I had to comfort her. Ah. 1217 01:16:56,345 --> 01:16:58,547 Where's Stanley? 1218 01:16:58,614 --> 01:17:01,317 Where is he? What did you do with it? 1219 01:17:02,886 --> 01:17:04,387 He's in the tree. 1220 01:17:05,655 --> 01:17:07,023 In the tree? 1221 01:17:07,724 --> 01:17:09,492 He is the tree. 1222 01:17:09,558 --> 01:17:12,161 I wrapped him up in those potato sacks. 1223 01:17:13,462 --> 01:17:14,964 Oh, my God. 1224 01:17:15,031 --> 01:17:18,234 They're burlap, which is really itchy unless you're dead. 1225 01:17:18,301 --> 01:17:22,271 Me and Felix took branches off the old tree and we just stuck 'em on. 1226 01:17:22,338 --> 01:17:24,307 CATHERINE: How? FELIX: Superglue. 1227 01:17:24,373 --> 01:17:28,477 It's the most amazing invention, Catherine. Pull on one of those branches. 1228 01:17:28,544 --> 01:17:32,415 I'm telling you, you could chin yourself on this tree. 1229 01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:36,019 Fortunately, the guy had a good posture. 1230 01:17:36,085 --> 01:17:38,387 I admire a man with good posture. 1231 01:17:38,454 --> 01:17:41,590 Felix has lovely posture. Thank you, honey. 1232 01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:43,359 PHILIP: It's just as well we're going out of business! 1233 01:17:43,426 --> 01:17:45,829 I am totally incompetent! I'm like Job! 1234 01:17:45,895 --> 01:17:46,963 Philip, really! 1235 01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:49,265 Well, then, all right, I'm not like Job! 1236 01:17:49,332 --> 01:17:52,135 But look at me, pretending to save lives. 1237 01:17:52,201 --> 01:17:54,537 There's nothing in the refrigerator! 1238 01:17:54,603 --> 01:17:58,574 I couldn't save a life if my life depended on it! 1239 01:17:58,641 --> 01:18:03,012 We have been here for six years, and what do we have to show for it? 1240 01:18:03,646 --> 01:18:05,281 A dead body. 1241 01:18:05,348 --> 01:18:08,184 A dead body disguised as a Christmas tree. 1242 01:18:08,251 --> 01:18:11,120 Thank you. Thank you for reminding me. 1243 01:18:12,555 --> 01:18:13,923 I got a plan. 1244 01:18:13,990 --> 01:18:18,361 Felix always has a plan. I am so proud of you, honey. 1245 01:18:22,265 --> 01:18:25,701 We take it downstairs. We leave it on the boardwalk. 1246 01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:34,310 That's it? Yeah. 1247 01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:36,545 That is not really a plan, Felix. 1248 01:18:36,612 --> 01:18:38,447 What's wrong with it? 1249 01:18:38,514 --> 01:18:41,517 A plan is supposed to have more than one part. 1250 01:18:41,584 --> 01:18:43,152 It's supposed to go like, 1251 01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:45,789 "First, we do this, and then we do this, and then we do this." 1252 01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:48,591 I don't appreciate you talking to Felix this way. 1253 01:18:48,657 --> 01:18:50,894 We're just trying to help you out here, Philip. 1254 01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:53,729 Yeah. You want a plan? 1255 01:18:53,797 --> 01:18:55,698 First we take it downstairs. 1256 01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:59,202 Then we leave it on the boardwalk. Then we go home. 1257 01:18:59,268 --> 01:19:01,104 We just leave it standing like the city put it there. 1258 01:19:01,170 --> 01:19:02,705 In a couple of days, nobody will notice. 1259 01:19:02,772 --> 01:19:03,940 And when the city takes it down? 1260 01:19:04,007 --> 01:19:06,375 We're outta there! 1261 01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,311 What's going on? Something wrong? 1262 01:19:08,377 --> 01:19:09,946 PHILIP: Nothing at all. 1263 01:19:10,013 --> 01:19:11,580 Felix and Gracie have turned the landlord into a Christmas tree. 1264 01:19:11,647 --> 01:19:14,083 Now we are going to take it down leave it on the boardwalk. 1265 01:19:14,150 --> 01:19:16,519 Now that's a good plan. We'll help you. 1266 01:19:18,121 --> 01:19:21,825 Be careful now. Don't let the branches fall off. 1267 01:19:21,891 --> 01:19:23,459 What about Stanley's bag? 1268 01:19:23,526 --> 01:19:26,529 FELIX: We'll leave it under the tree and let somebody swipe it. 1269 01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:28,531 Only some of us should go. We don't want to attract attention. 1270 01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,267 I'm with you. I'm going! Okay, the two of us. 1271 01:19:31,334 --> 01:19:33,837 We want to go too. Yeah, we made it. 1272 01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:36,505 Okay, four. I'd like to go. 1273 01:19:36,572 --> 01:19:38,174 I promise not to attract any attention. 1274 01:19:38,241 --> 01:19:39,542 All right, six, but that's it. 1275 01:19:39,608 --> 01:19:41,344 Now, we should try to act jolly. 1276 01:19:41,410 --> 01:19:43,646 I'll sing. 1277 01:19:43,712 --> 01:19:46,049 * Deck the halls with boughs of holly 1278 01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:48,384 ALL: * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1279 01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:50,719 * 'Tis the season to be jolly 1280 01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:53,589 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1281 01:19:53,656 --> 01:19:56,125 * Don we now our gay apparel 1282 01:19:56,192 --> 01:19:58,361 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1283 01:19:58,427 --> 01:20:01,297 * Troll the ancient Yuletide carol 1284 01:20:01,364 --> 01:20:04,367 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1285 01:20:04,433 --> 01:20:05,969 * Hey 1286 01:20:07,403 --> 01:20:09,839 LOUIE: * If you get all weird this Christmas 1287 01:20:09,906 --> 01:20:12,141 * Scooby-Dooby-Doo pop-pop-fizz-fizz 1288 01:20:12,208 --> 01:20:14,710 * We could really use your business 1289 01:20:14,777 --> 01:20:17,380 * Scooby-Dooby-Doo Let's eat Cheez Whiz 1290 01:20:17,446 --> 01:20:20,649 * Sit in a garage and turn on the ignition... * 1291 01:20:20,716 --> 01:20:22,218 MUNCHNIK: Philip! Catherine! 1292 01:20:22,285 --> 01:20:23,519 Merry Christmas. 1293 01:20:23,586 --> 01:20:25,588 Are you dismantling the office already? 1294 01:20:25,654 --> 01:20:27,723 Exactly where are you going with our tree? 1295 01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:30,126 It's not our tree. Really, it's not. 1296 01:20:30,193 --> 01:20:32,328 It is, too, our tree. 1297 01:20:32,395 --> 01:20:34,830 I recognize the red cellophane thingy. 1298 01:20:34,898 --> 01:20:36,165 The dogs. 1299 01:20:36,232 --> 01:20:38,234 Keep those mutts away from my tree, please. 1300 01:20:39,602 --> 01:20:42,205 May I? By all means, Blanche. 1301 01:20:42,271 --> 01:20:45,441 Here, doggies. Here, doggies. There's a good girl. 1302 01:20:45,508 --> 01:20:48,711 Come to Mommy. Yeah, what a good girl. 1303 01:20:49,745 --> 01:20:52,281 They definitely did it. 1304 01:20:52,348 --> 01:20:54,984 ALL: * Deck the halls with boughs of holly 1305 01:20:55,051 --> 01:20:57,453 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1306 01:20:57,520 --> 01:21:01,557 * Deck the halls with balls of holly 1307 01:21:01,624 --> 01:21:04,727 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1308 01:21:04,793 --> 01:21:09,098 * 'Tis the season to be jolly 1309 01:21:09,165 --> 01:21:12,535 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1310 01:21:12,601 --> 01:21:16,039 * Don we now our gay apparel 1311 01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:21,444 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 1312 01:21:23,312 --> 01:21:25,915 * Follow me in merry measure 1313 01:21:25,982 --> 01:21:28,417 * Fa-la-la la-la la la-la-la 1314 01:21:28,484 --> 01:21:30,987 * While I tell of Yuletide treasure * 1315 01:21:32,388 --> 01:21:35,058 Oh, my God! It's the rollerbladers! 1316 01:21:35,124 --> 01:21:37,260 It's them! It's the tree haters! 1317 01:21:37,326 --> 01:21:39,162 Oh, no they are back! FELIX: Let's get them! 1318 01:21:39,228 --> 01:21:41,397 Your tree is history! Payback time! 1319 01:21:41,464 --> 01:21:42,465 Watch out! 1320 01:21:42,531 --> 01:21:43,832 Other way, other way, other way! 1321 01:21:43,899 --> 01:21:46,535 You ruined our Christmas! No! Don't! 1322 01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:48,871 Look out! 1323 01:21:48,938 --> 01:21:51,840 Merry Christmas from Doug and Carol Ferguson! 1324 01:21:51,907 --> 01:21:53,042 Whoa! 1325 01:22:02,718 --> 01:22:05,821 * Oh, Tannenbaum 1326 01:22:05,888 --> 01:22:10,559 * Oh, Tannenbaum, oh 1327 01:22:10,626 --> 01:22:13,662 * How lovely are 1328 01:22:13,729 --> 01:22:16,365 * Are thy branches 1329 01:22:23,339 --> 01:22:26,809 We've got one dead body at 517 Ocean Park Walk. 1330 01:22:26,875 --> 01:22:29,645 Request for the coroner and Homicide Unit to respond. 1331 01:22:31,014 --> 01:22:32,648 Okay, what happened? 1332 01:22:34,817 --> 01:22:36,252 Who is this? 1333 01:22:38,287 --> 01:22:40,223 Come on. Who knows what happened? 1334 01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,226 I do. 1335 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,929 Our landlord, Stanley Tannenbaum, 1336 01:22:46,996 --> 01:22:51,734 has committed suicide out of guilt over his condominium conversion. 1337 01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:54,237 And these two people, these two incompetent people, 1338 01:22:54,303 --> 01:22:58,874 but never mind, were so tormented that they could not prevent a suicide, 1339 01:22:58,941 --> 01:23:01,710 that they tried to hide it from the world. 1340 01:23:03,912 --> 01:23:06,815 Actually, uh, that's not what happened. 1341 01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:08,551 Obviously. 1342 01:23:09,785 --> 01:23:11,487 What happened was... 1343 01:23:12,955 --> 01:23:18,561 It was Christmas Eve, and Felix just happened to drop by 1344 01:23:19,328 --> 01:23:21,330 with his gun. 1345 01:23:21,397 --> 01:23:23,199 OFFICER: Who is Felix? 1346 01:23:27,170 --> 01:23:31,274 All right, I'm Felix. I did it. 1347 01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,943 Okay, Felix, spread your legs, put your hands behind your back. Let's go. 1348 01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,714 Just because he's an ex-con, you blame it on Felix. 1349 01:23:38,781 --> 01:23:42,651 Well, Officer, here's your big murder weapon. Don't, Gracie. 1350 01:23:42,718 --> 01:23:44,453 I did it! No, no, Gracie, you can't! 1351 01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:46,355 Felix! Stop! 1352 01:24:01,404 --> 01:24:04,173 Santa! Mommy, it's Santa! 1353 01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:08,677 Felix, what are you doing? 1354 01:24:08,744 --> 01:24:11,013 FELIX: I can't live without you, Gracie! 1355 01:24:11,080 --> 01:24:13,749 If you go to jail, I might as well be dead! 1356 01:24:15,184 --> 01:24:17,186 OFFICER ON SPEAKER: Everybody move back! 1357 01:24:17,253 --> 01:24:21,190 Move back immediately! We have a very dangerous condition! 1358 01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:23,126 Felix, it was an accident! 1359 01:24:23,192 --> 01:24:26,429 They're not gonna convict me. Now come down! 1360 01:24:26,495 --> 01:24:32,101 Well, what if they do? I can't take a chance on the criminal justice system! 1361 01:24:32,168 --> 01:24:35,271 I went to jail for nothing! They could do it to you! 1362 01:24:35,338 --> 01:24:37,706 GRACIE: No! No, stop! 1363 01:24:37,773 --> 01:24:42,511 Philip, you've got to do something! You've got to save him! 1364 01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:46,682 Felix, I just want you to know, I forgive you for shooting me in the foot. 1365 01:24:46,749 --> 01:24:49,017 FELIX: I don't care! Okay. 1366 01:24:50,619 --> 01:24:52,821 Felix, stop! Listen to me! 1367 01:24:58,060 --> 01:25:01,130 Don't you want to spend Christmas with your baby? 1368 01:25:01,197 --> 01:25:04,099 Don't you want to see him open his first present? 1369 01:25:06,535 --> 01:25:09,037 What was your first present, Felix? 1370 01:25:09,972 --> 01:25:11,374 Hubcaps. 1371 01:25:12,241 --> 01:25:14,009 Huh. 1372 01:25:14,076 --> 01:25:16,612 Now I can't even afford hubcaps! 1373 01:25:16,679 --> 01:25:19,348 Felix, you know something? 1374 01:25:20,583 --> 01:25:22,618 You're not upset because you're broke. 1375 01:25:22,685 --> 01:25:25,588 FELIX: I'm not? No. 1376 01:25:25,654 --> 01:25:27,323 You're not upset because you're an artist 1377 01:25:27,390 --> 01:25:30,092 who may never have any place to paint as long as you live. 1378 01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:31,660 I'm not? PHILIP: No. 1379 01:25:33,162 --> 01:25:36,098 And you're not upset because the woman you love 1380 01:25:36,165 --> 01:25:39,602 may go to jail for a very long time. 1381 01:25:39,668 --> 01:25:41,337 I'm not? 1382 01:25:41,404 --> 01:25:42,671 No. 1383 01:25:44,207 --> 01:25:48,477 You're upset because it's Christmas. 1384 01:25:48,544 --> 01:25:52,915 Christmas is a time when you look at your life through a magnifying glass, 1385 01:25:52,981 --> 01:25:56,885 and whatever you don't have feels overwhelming. 1386 01:25:56,952 --> 01:26:01,290 Being alone is so much lonelier at Christmas. 1387 01:26:01,357 --> 01:26:05,728 Everything sad is so much sadder at Christmas. 1388 01:26:05,794 --> 01:26:07,763 You can't give in to this, Felix! 1389 01:26:07,830 --> 01:26:10,299 I thought today was going to be the worst day of my life, 1390 01:26:10,366 --> 01:26:14,136 but, then, something wonderful and unexpected happened! 1391 01:26:14,203 --> 01:26:16,939 First, something horrible and unexpected happened. 1392 01:26:17,005 --> 01:26:19,642 Actually, three horrible and unexpected things happened, 1393 01:26:19,708 --> 01:26:22,010 but then something wonderful. 1394 01:26:25,814 --> 01:26:28,217 The holidays aren't over yet, Felix. 1395 01:26:28,284 --> 01:26:32,154 They're not over for you, and they're not over for Gracie. Who knows? 1396 01:26:33,489 --> 01:26:38,093 Who knows? There's magic at Christmas. 1397 01:26:38,160 --> 01:26:42,365 And I'll bet, if you come down, you'll find that out. 1398 01:26:48,471 --> 01:26:50,939 I love you, Felix! 1399 01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:58,213 I love you so much, Gracie! 1400 01:27:02,551 --> 01:27:05,754 Come on down, Felix. It's almost midnight. 1401 01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:23,939 Bravo! 1402 01:27:33,949 --> 01:27:36,184 DETECTIVE: We'll have a van here in a few minutes. 1403 01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:39,221 We'll take you all down to the station for questioning. 1404 01:27:39,288 --> 01:27:41,490 This bag belongs to Stanley. 1405 01:27:50,999 --> 01:27:52,368 Brian. 1406 01:27:52,435 --> 01:27:56,004 What have you got here, Rizzo? Whoa! 1407 01:27:56,071 --> 01:27:58,641 FP-242, notify watch commander, please. 1408 01:27:58,707 --> 01:28:01,176 Where'd you get this? Take a guess. 1409 01:28:02,845 --> 01:28:05,514 Gracie Barzini? 1410 01:28:05,581 --> 01:28:10,853 Yes. I'm ready. You can take me away now. 1411 01:28:10,919 --> 01:28:14,823 Congratulations. You have killed the Seaside Strangler. 1412 01:28:15,891 --> 01:28:17,225 What? 1413 01:28:17,926 --> 01:28:19,828 Fishing twine and kelp. 1414 01:28:19,895 --> 01:28:21,664 Oh, my God, you're kidding me! 1415 01:28:21,730 --> 01:28:23,198 Stanley's the Strangler? 1416 01:28:23,265 --> 01:28:25,233 I killed the Seaside Strangler! 1417 01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:27,235 How brilliant is that, Catherine? 1418 01:28:27,302 --> 01:28:28,571 Isn't there a reward? 1419 01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:31,707 There's a $250,000 reward. 1420 01:28:38,681 --> 01:28:41,550 I'm the luckiest girl in the world! 1421 01:28:41,617 --> 01:28:46,021 Philip, I could pay for your moving expenses. How much do you need? 1422 01:28:46,088 --> 01:28:48,123 Only $5,000! 1423 01:28:48,190 --> 01:28:50,025 $5,000? 1424 01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:54,463 Oh, fine! 1425 01:28:54,530 --> 01:28:57,966 Oh, I'm so happy! This is great! We're back in business! 1426 01:28:58,033 --> 01:29:02,738 Thank you! Thank you! What can I give you? How can I possibly thank you? 1427 01:29:02,805 --> 01:29:03,906 I know. 1428 01:29:07,676 --> 01:29:10,713 Fruitcake. I'm rich! 1429 01:29:10,779 --> 01:29:14,617 I'm rich! I'm rich! Rich girl! Rich girl! 1430 01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:17,520 Oh, my God! FELIX: What is it? 1431 01:29:17,586 --> 01:29:18,887 Oh, my goodness! 1432 01:29:18,954 --> 01:29:20,789 What's the matter, honey? My water just broke! 1433 01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:23,158 You're just going into labor. We have plenty of time. 1434 01:29:23,225 --> 01:29:24,627 No, I'm having it! 1435 01:29:24,693 --> 01:29:26,995 CATHERINE: Are you sure? GRACIE: Yes, I'm sure! 1436 01:29:27,062 --> 01:29:29,765 Philip? Dr. Kinsky. Dr. Kinsky'll help us! 1437 01:29:29,832 --> 01:29:31,033 What? 1438 01:29:31,099 --> 01:29:32,801 ALL: She's having a baby! I'm having a baby! 1439 01:29:32,868 --> 01:29:36,238 Uh, bring her over by the tree! By the tree! 1440 01:29:36,304 --> 01:29:37,606 Officer, could you please help? 1441 01:29:37,673 --> 01:29:41,877 Here, here. Wait a minute! Lift up my leg, you moron! 1442 01:29:41,944 --> 01:29:45,848 Out of the way! Out of the way! Out of the way! 1443 01:29:45,914 --> 01:29:48,984 Get out of the way! All right, put her down right here. 1444 01:29:49,752 --> 01:29:50,953 Here! 1445 01:29:52,154 --> 01:29:55,157 Okay, okay, you're doing great. 1446 01:29:55,223 --> 01:29:57,626 I'm having it! I know, I know. Just relax. 1447 01:29:57,693 --> 01:29:59,294 Take it easy. Everything's gonna be fine. 1448 01:29:59,361 --> 01:30:01,129 It's gonna come out, right? 1449 01:30:01,196 --> 01:30:03,632 No, no, no. It's gonna come out. You're doing great. You're in good hands. 1450 01:30:03,699 --> 01:30:05,634 I've done this hundreds and hundreds of times. 1451 01:30:05,701 --> 01:30:07,803 Aren't you a veterinarian? 1452 01:30:07,870 --> 01:30:10,405 Yes, but it's the same basic concept. 1453 01:30:12,140 --> 01:30:13,542 KINSKY: Okay, relax and breathe. GRACIE: I'm not relaxed! 1454 01:30:13,609 --> 01:30:15,277 KINSKY: Then just be anxious and breathe. 1455 01:30:15,343 --> 01:30:17,646 Breathe deep! That's it. Okay. It's starting to come! 1456 01:30:17,713 --> 01:30:20,215 It's starting to come! Okay, more breathing. 1457 01:30:20,282 --> 01:30:21,884 You're telling me! 1458 01:30:21,950 --> 01:30:23,385 All right, here we go! All right, here we... 1459 01:30:23,452 --> 01:30:25,654 Another contraction, and then give me another big push! 1460 01:30:25,721 --> 01:30:28,757 Big push! There we go! Look, I can see... 1461 01:30:28,824 --> 01:30:31,560 Would you shut up? Just trying to help. 1462 01:30:31,627 --> 01:30:33,361 All right, you give me another big push. 1463 01:30:37,165 --> 01:30:40,569 The head is starting to come. It's starting to come. Breathe a little deeper. 1464 01:30:40,636 --> 01:30:44,707 GRACIE: Oh, my God! 1465 01:30:44,773 --> 01:30:46,308 No! 1466 01:31:03,592 --> 01:31:04,927 Yeah. 1467 01:31:13,736 --> 01:31:15,137 It's Christmas. 1468 01:31:18,641 --> 01:31:21,710 Merry Christmas. WOMAN: Merry Christmas. 1469 01:31:21,777 --> 01:31:23,245 Merry Christmas. 1470 01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:39,394 What shall we do for Christmas? 1471 01:31:40,362 --> 01:31:42,731 I don't know. What shall we do? 1472 01:31:46,535 --> 01:31:48,503 Let's get married. 1473 01:31:52,240 --> 01:31:54,009 This is the miracle. 1474 01:31:56,912 --> 01:31:59,147 FELIX: Merry Christmas! 1475 01:32:00,616 --> 01:32:03,185 Merry Christmas! 1476 01:32:05,320 --> 01:32:07,322 Merry Christmas! 1477 01:32:07,389 --> 01:32:08,791 (THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS PLAYING) 1478 01:32:08,857 --> 01:32:12,194 * Children carry through the streets 1479 01:32:12,260 --> 01:32:16,064 * A brightly painted star 1480 01:32:16,131 --> 01:32:19,568 * Angels gather 'round the hearth 1481 01:32:19,635 --> 01:32:23,171 * Strumming on guitars 1482 01:32:23,238 --> 01:32:26,074 * Men of great renown and faith 1483 01:32:26,141 --> 01:32:29,912 * Say prayers on boulevards 1484 01:32:29,978 --> 01:32:35,417 * It's the night before Christmas 1485 01:32:35,483 --> 01:32:39,354 * But you don't have to be an angel 1486 01:32:39,421 --> 01:32:42,691 * To sing harmony 1487 01:32:42,758 --> 01:32:46,094 * And you don't have to be a child 1488 01:32:46,161 --> 01:32:49,732 * To love the mystery 1489 01:32:49,798 --> 01:32:54,236 * And you don't have to be a wise man 1490 01:32:54,302 --> 01:32:57,372 * On bended knee 1491 01:32:57,439 --> 01:33:01,243 * The heart of this Christmas 1492 01:33:01,309 --> 01:33:04,813 * Is in you and me 1493 01:33:04,880 --> 01:33:08,050 * The night 1494 01:33:08,116 --> 01:33:11,954 * Before Christmas 1495 01:33:12,020 --> 01:33:17,893 * The night before Christmas 1496 01:33:19,461 --> 01:33:22,430 * If your heart's been longing 1497 01:33:22,497 --> 01:33:26,434 * And you've been afraid to try 1498 01:33:26,501 --> 01:33:29,604 * If sorrow's kept you company 1499 01:33:29,672 --> 01:33:33,541 * And the dance has passed you by 1500 01:33:33,608 --> 01:33:36,945 * I'll lift you up and blaze with you 1501 01:33:37,012 --> 01:33:40,282 * Across the moonlit sky 1502 01:33:40,348 --> 01:33:44,319 * On the night before Christmas 1503 01:33:45,788 --> 01:33:49,591 * Because you don't have to be an angel 1504 01:33:49,658 --> 01:33:52,861 * To sing harmony 1505 01:33:52,928 --> 01:33:56,164 * And you don't have to be a child 1506 01:33:56,231 --> 01:33:59,935 * To love the mystery * Mystery 1507 01:34:00,002 --> 01:34:03,972 * And you don't have to be a wise man 1508 01:34:04,039 --> 01:34:06,975 * On bended knee 1509 01:34:07,042 --> 01:34:10,545 * The heart of this Christmas 1510 01:34:10,612 --> 01:34:14,750 * Is in you and me 1511 01:34:14,817 --> 01:34:18,821 * The heart of this Christmas 1512 01:34:18,887 --> 01:34:21,824 * Is in you 1513 01:34:21,890 --> 01:34:24,226 * And me 1514 01:34:30,532 --> 01:34:34,536 * The night 1515 01:34:34,602 --> 01:34:37,605 * Before Christmas 1516 01:34:37,672 --> 01:34:40,575 * The night 1517 01:34:40,642 --> 01:34:43,111 * Before Christmas 1518 01:34:44,813 --> 01:34:48,116 * The night before Christmas 1519 01:34:48,183 --> 01:34:51,486 * And all through the house 1520 01:34:51,553 --> 01:34:55,057 * Not a creature was stirring the night 1521 01:34:55,123 --> 01:34:58,260 * Not even a mouse 1522 01:35:04,032 --> 01:35:07,402 * Christmas Eve I'm waitin' 1523 01:35:07,469 --> 01:35:10,405 * Saint Nick I ain't fadin' 1524 01:35:10,472 --> 01:35:13,441 * This year No slackin' 1525 01:35:13,508 --> 01:35:16,511 * Your case I'm crackin' 1526 01:35:16,578 --> 01:35:19,514 * Them milk and cookies ain't caught you yet 1527 01:35:19,581 --> 01:35:22,584 * Got a little something special by the TV set 1528 01:35:22,650 --> 01:35:25,653 * Good news Hey, Santa 1529 01:35:25,720 --> 01:35:28,656 * Cashews and pecans 1530 01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:32,127 * Hooray, hosanna 1531 01:35:32,194 --> 01:35:35,163 * Santa can't resist those mixed nuts 1532 01:35:35,230 --> 01:35:38,266 * Chick-peas, split peas chestnuts, Chinese 1533 01:35:38,333 --> 01:35:40,869 * Pine nuts, peanuts and pistachios 1534 01:35:40,936 --> 01:35:43,939 * No nog, no turkey 1535 01:35:44,006 --> 01:35:47,009 * Just beer nuts and beef jerky 1536 01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:49,978 * Tastes good So salty 1537 01:35:50,045 --> 01:35:53,081 * With something cold and malty 1538 01:35:53,148 --> 01:35:56,084 * All the fellas at work say I'm out of my mind 1539 01:35:56,151 --> 01:35:59,187 * But if I stay awake I'm gonna get you this time 1540 01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:02,224 * Good news Hey, Santa 1541 01:36:02,290 --> 01:36:05,260 * Cashews and pecans 1542 01:36:05,327 --> 01:36:08,663 * Hooray, hosanna 1543 01:36:08,730 --> 01:36:11,733 * Santa can't resist those mixed nuts 1544 01:36:11,800 --> 01:36:14,769 * Acorns, almonds Barcelona, Amazons 1545 01:36:14,837 --> 01:36:17,439 * Black Carpathians, Giant Macadamia 1546 01:36:17,505 --> 01:36:20,408 * I wake up kind of dimly 1547 01:36:20,475 --> 01:36:23,511 * See a boot scootin' up the chimney 1548 01:36:23,578 --> 01:36:26,548 * Jump up and try to pull it 1549 01:36:26,614 --> 01:36:29,584 * Disappears faster than a bullet 1550 01:36:29,651 --> 01:36:32,654 * Six empty jars layin' on the floor 1551 01:36:32,720 --> 01:36:35,657 * Next Christmas Eve there'll be ten times more 1552 01:36:35,723 --> 01:36:38,726 * Good news Hey, Santa 1553 01:36:38,793 --> 01:36:41,796 * Cashews and pecans 1554 01:36:41,864 --> 01:36:45,200 * Hooray, hosanna 1555 01:36:45,267 --> 01:36:47,836 * Santa can't resist those mixed nuts 1556 01:36:47,903 --> 01:36:50,939 * Good news Hey, Santa 1557 01:36:51,006 --> 01:36:53,942 * Cashews and pecans 1558 01:36:54,009 --> 01:36:57,345 * Hooray, hosanna 1559 01:36:57,412 --> 01:37:00,182 * Santa can't resist those nuts * 120882